Mount Pleasant (2011) s04e04 Episode Script
Season 4, Episode 4
Who's he? That's Gus, Bradley's old business partner.
Gus is not a nice man.
'I used to work with someone.
' I stopped working for them.
He didn't like it.
We kept moving.
He couldn't find us.
Today, he did.
Exactly how much danger are they in? Stick to what I say, none, and neither will you be.
Gary's going to walk me home.
Oh, very chivalrous! You have to stay away from the hot stocks.
That one there .
.
dead cert.
It's not too soon to be going back? It'll only be a couple of days a week, max.
You haven't told Fergus yet? Surprise! Lisa Johnson, back like Take That.
Who's she? Oh, Angie.
She's our new PA.
She came highly recommended.
Why have they not been signed? Are you suggesting I'm not doing my job properly? I'm not suggesting it, love, I am telling you! Maybe you're being a little oversensitive.
You may be able to fool Fergus, but you have made a big mistake picking a fight with me.
Morning! What you doing?! Nothing.
Just having a shower.
Barry's using the bathroom.
He's been in there ages.
He's always like that in the morning.
I think it's those multi-vitamins he takes.
Ah, yeah.
Do you mind not standing half-naked in front of my wife, please? Why? What are you worried about? It's fairly obvious she doesn't go for the peak-of-fitness type! Did you sleep all right on the sofa? You were fair gone last night, we couldn't wake you! Pauline got a taxi.
Is this not something we can discuss when we've all got clothes on?! All right, kids? What's going on in here? We're having a party, Baz! Why don't you join us? Has he used your en-suite? How come he's allowed to use your en-suite?! It's gone nine, Dan.
Shouldn't you be getting ready? Mum'll be here in a minute.
Mum? You promised to take her to the car-boot sale, remember? Only to shut her up about it! She won't remember, she was as half-cut as him.
Hiya! We're up here! Wha?! Ooh, this is cosy.
Here, how come he's allowed to use your en-suite? I tell you what, why don't you all use it? Because apparently, our entire bedroom is now fully open to the general public! You've woke her up now! Yes! And that concludes this morning's tour, thank you very much.
Postcards and t-shirts are available in the lobby! We did have a normal life once, didn't we? No.
It's pretty much always been like this.
Iggly Piggly! Gone down the wrong hole? Eh? What do you mean? Your drink.
Oh.
Yeah! You're going to be late for work.
Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Bye-bye.
You've started early.
I woke early.
Look, er, about what I said the other night Excuse me.
So, you can call your daughter but you can't call me? Six messages I've left you! No, she isn't up yet.
Yeah, he is.
Why? Well, can you talk to him quickly? I need to speak to you.
All right? Yeah, fine.
Just, er, I'm fitting the cupboards today.
Look, it's, er, it's probably nothing, but .
.
there was this car the early hours of the morning, I've never seen it before.
I went out for a smoke and it just took off.
Are you still there? He's gone.
Signal.
Well, boys will be boys! Right.
Yes.
I'll just take this and go and eat this upstairs.
Good luck.
Sorry? That isn't what it looks like.
Don't lie to me, Gary! Honestly, you get yourself invited to one showbiz party and suddenly think you're RussellGrant! She was giving me a goodbye kiss on the cheek.
It's just the angle it's taken at.
Even so, you're to go round and see her and sort it out! There's nothing to sort out! What's Fergus going to think when he sees this? Exactly.
Are we on our own, or has some distant cousin turned up for a look round, n'all? Are you going to work? Two half-days a week, you said.
Until I've got this new PA in line, I'm not leaving her on her own with Fergus.
She needs to be straightened out.
That means Baz is on babysitting duties again, because there's no way Mum'll let me out this stupid car-boot thing now.
My dad's going with you.
Yeah, and Molly.
Dad? What's crack-a-lacking? Is it OK if I use the car still? Yeah, yeah! Pauline wants Dan to take his van, anyway.
How much crap is she planning on buying? And what do you mean Molly's coming? We can't cart her round a car-boot all day.
Course we can.
I've got me strap-on.
Carrier, Dad! For the hundredth time, it's called a carrier! Brilliant.
Well, that's me in for a fun day, isn't it, following two mad pensioners and a hungover man-child round a muddy field all afternoon! Stop moaning.
It beats sitting in an office with Salford's answer to Cruella de Vil! Trust me, if we have a competition of who's gonna have the worst day, I'd win.
I might just take you up on that bet.
OK.
The winner gets the evening off Mm.
.
.
bubble bath, scented candles Mm.
.
.
glass of wine.
But that's your thing! Oh, come on, Dan, you know it's your thing, too! I know you use my candles.
I measure 'em.
OK.
Deal.
Deal.
Mm.
Blood and sand, are you not even dressed yet?! Come on! I want to get there before all the best dirty DVDs are gone! Come on! Ah-ha! The first whiff of success.
And it smells of ylang ylang! Thanks.
Know anything about the stock market? I know everything about the stock market.
Why? Are you thinking of investing? I already have.
Nothing serious, you know, just a bit of play money.
Oh, dear! I-It's all right, though, isn't it? They go down and they come back up.
That's how it works, right? I suppose.
With a drop like that, they're not coming up soon.
If I were you, I'd cut your losses and sell.
You've not put a lot in have you? No! No.
Just a bit of pocket change you know? Hi-De-Hi, campers! What are you doing here? I think the words you're looking for are "Ho-Di-Ho".
You said you weren't coming today.
Changed my mind.
MD's prerogative.
I could do with one of those.
Kettle's just boiled.
Great.
Milk and two sugars, please, love! We have to leave - now.
Come again? Someone's watching the house.
Bradley left me strict instructions.
Ella, overnight bag - now.
Sorry, is someone going to tell me Just do it, will you?! Have you calmed down a bit now, hm? Is it safe to come back in? Oh, my God, you've got scissors! Funny.
So, you're keeping it? Yes, I'm keeping it! I may not approve, but it's still his first coverage in the press.
True.
And there's worse things to be in the papers for.
Like what? Well, erm .
.
jewellery heists? You do say some stupid things! I don't know what you're getting so upset about.
He obviously was telling you the truth.
It's not about that, Roger.
He should've been more careful.
He's a grown-up now.
It never ends, worrying about him.
Yes.
He's quite the delinquent handful, isn't he? You wouldn't understand.
If that's him! Hello? Have I got the right house? Is Reverend Roger here? Er, yes No.
Actually, he's Roger! Swing a right, Dan! You'll have this bloke's wing mirror.
Left! You're gonna scratch the side! "Left! Right!" How about just one of you barks instructions? Whoa! Stop! Preferably the one with the most common-sense! Molly?! Come on, Dan, it can't be that hard to park a vehicle! People have been doing it for centuries.
No, they haven't.
I said, bring her right! What happened to our savings account? There was two grand in there.
Oh, yeah, I closed that down while you were off.
I moved it into an ISA.
It's a different bank.
It's safer that way.
I haven't set it up for online yet.
You moved our savings without asking me? I'm pretty sure I mentioned it.
Er, no, you didn't! I got you away.
Now we wait till he calls.
Why don't you call him? I presume he answers you.
No.
I text, he calls back.
Those are the rules, are they? Is she OK? She's not said a word.
This was supposed to be over! Dad promised.
He said he'd finally cleared up all your stupid little messes! You've done it again, haven't you? That's right, walk away, just like you always do when you can't think of a lie fast enough.
Where are you going? I'm taking a minute! That's allowed, isn't it? There's nothing in his rulebook about that! Who is she? Chrissie Shenton.
Part of my parish.
A total walking disaster.
Thinks I'm Jeremy bloody Kyle or something! What does she want? Nothing.
She never wants anything.
She just wants to sit there and deluge me with all her tragedy, and I have to sit there and listen because, technically, it's my job! I never think about you as having a job! What the hell's that supposed to mean? Look, this is what we'll do.
We let her finish her coffee and then we'll say "Oh, we've got to go to a soup kitchen!" or something like that.
We will not! That girl has come here for spiritual guidance.
We're going to sit and we're going to listen.
Oh, we are, are we? WE are going to do that, are we? You really think you could OK.
All right, then.
We'll give it a go.
So, Chrissie, how's your Nick? Got six months this time! I hate car-boot sales.
I've always hated car-boot sales.
We could've been working today.
We'll pick up the slack tomorrow.
It's nice to have a day off now and then.
And you still pay me by the week regardless, right? What? Here, look! They've got Charlie dolls! Look how much fun Mum's having.
You can't put a price on that.
I can.
Hey, Dan, check it out.
It's a bowler hat.
It's a proper one.
It's only four quid! I didn't bring any money.
Will you buy it us? A bowler hat? What are you going to do with it? Looking sharp! It was a pretty stupid question, to be fair, Dan.
Does it make me look like Steed from The Avengers? No.
You look like Mr Benn - The Wilderness Years.
Oi! They've got Dan ones, an'all! That's a good one! I really hate car-boot sales.
Pocket change Sorry? You ploughed the savings into it, didn't you? All two grand All right, yeah.
I got a hot tip.
I don't do things like this! I don't know what happened.
I've been under a lot of stress.
I've been feeling .
.
worthless.
I'll get it back somehow, but Lisa cannot know.
This has to stay between us.
Discretion is my middle name.
I don't believe this! What is THIS still doing in our outbox? Our tax return! It should've gone out last Friday.
Part of this wonderful new system, is it? I don't know anything about it.
As far as I recall, Fergus said he was going to deal with the post last week.
Yeah.
Yeah, apologies, Lisa.
I've had a lot on my mind.
You've never done anything even vaguely secretarial in your entire life! I doubt you could even stamp an envelope without starting a fire! Are you really going to take the blame for this? I was supposed to send it.
It's my mistake.
Why can't you just admit you should never have hired her? Whenever you feel like apologising, do let me know, won't you? So, how much do you know? You know fuck all! What's he got on you, hm? I owed him a favour.
Yeah, everyone always does.
Who is he with? Gus.
In the photos? I may know fuck all, but I know it whatever's going on is Bradley's doing and not yours, so, why does she think otherwise? Because that's what I want her to think.
I don't want her knowing what her father was! He was bad news - money laundering, extortion, protection - but nothing compared to Gus.
When those two were together But then she changed everything.
The day she was born, he changed.
Suddenly he just, he wanted out.
So we ran and we've been doing it ever since.
Bradley said this guy wanted him working for him again.
Why would he want that? Because he's a fucking psycho! I just wish he told us and then we could've just disappeared again.
I guess he just wanted you and Ella to have a normal life.
A normal life?! He hasn't gone back there to work for him! He's gone back there to end it! And you, you're just some fucking back-up plan, some idiot to get us out of there when things go tits-up! Look where we are! What does that tell you? It's in today's paper.
Aww! That's nice! Do you not think that it looks like we're, you know? Oh, yeah! How funny! Bianca doesn't find it very funny.
She's worried what Fergus will say.
He won't say anything! I doubt Oh.
Now you mention it, he was in a bit of an odd mood this morning.
I thought he was still in a huff cos I told him he looked like David Cameron! She's me mam! She's not meant to talk to us like that.
Our Nick went mental.
Goes straight round there, puts all her windows out.
Mam knew who it were, though.
She's sent our Keith round, middle of the night, shouting the odds.
The neighbours went spare! Which one was Keith again? Her brother from the previous anecdote.
Where are you going? Just going out for a quick ciggie.
Hope you don't mind? Smoke in here! I wouldn't dream of it, Bianca! Oh, no! Oh, actually, I'm out.
Oh, well, never mind.
I'll just pop to the shops.
Be about ten minutes.
The shop?! Roger! Homemade cherry jumble? Is that my personnel folder? What are you doing with that? Well, since I was on maternity leave when you were hired, I never had good a chance to look through your references.
I think I should.
I am co-managing director.
You should mention that more often.
Actually, I can see we're missing something already.
What? All employee HR forms require an up-to-date photograph.
Thank you.
It's a fertility statue.
Our Terry used to use it.
How do you mean, "use it"? Are them my hedge cutters? I don't think so.
All right, Margaret? I didn't know you'd be here.
I told you last week! Hey! That's your old phone table, isn't it? Are you after selling it? I told you that last week, too.
Yeah, well, you tell me a lot of things, love.
Hey, Dan, go nice in your hall that, wouldn't it? N-Not really.
I'll buy it you.
My treat.
Shall we say a tenner? Can't.
Already promised it to someone.
Who? Bloke with a lazy eye.
He was probably looking at the one next to it.
I tell you what, let's say 20.
He offered 40.
Er, Mum? Can I have a quick word? That table is 19th-century cedar wood mahogany.
It's worth near £500! How do you know that? There was one on Cash In The Attic last week.
Did you know she was? Is that why we're here?! That's why you needed the van! You're trying to hustle Aunty Margaret?! Yes, I am! And if you don't keep your voice down, I'm gonna do a pretty bloody piss-poor job of it, aren't I? I like your house.
Thank you.
Nick always said we'd get a place like this one day.
I suppose that'll never happen now! Oh! I'm sure it will, once he's, erm, released! I admit I don't know very much about him, but from what you've said, it sounds like you've bagged yourself quite a Mr Right there! Nick's my girlfriend.
Ooooh! These are good.
You're clever, you.
I wish I could do stuff like this! Why don't I teach you? Would? I wouldn't be any good! That woman's got it in for me! She's going through my references, even though I've already got the job! It's harassment.
You need to do something about it.
You mean like when I took the blame for your cock-up? She'd have used that against me.
I've only just started.
I haven't even had training! What training? The training all companies are legally required to offer new employees upon commencement of duty.
If she continues this campaign of bullying Bullying? .
.
I will have no choice but to take her to a tribunal, where that, amongst other things, will be brought up.
Are you blackmailing me? No.
I'm protecting your interests, just like you hired me to do.
Your fly's undone.
OK, so this is yours.
I'll be right next door.
I start uni in two weeks.
Shez and Niks have already got their own place.
I'm going to ask if I can move in with them.
I'm not doing this any more, Mum.
I'm going back to yours.
Maybe if this guy turns up again, I can talk to him, find out what's going on? Yeah, you do that.
You talk to someone on Gus's payroll.
I've got to do something.
When Bradley calls - IF Bradley calls I'm sure he's all right.
Why Greg? Because he told you he would be? He lies.
Haven't you worked that out yet? Then again, I suppose we all lie, don't we? He lies to you, I lie to Ella .
.
you lie to me.
I haven't lied to you.
No? What, you're just a builder, are you, hm? Have you come to do my kitchen whilst my husband's away, pretend to be my friend? Bit of wine, bit of dinner, bit of music You asked me in.
Well, of course I did! But then again, you said it yourself .
.
I play games.
That's all they are, you know, they're little games .
.
things to keep my mind ticking over when Bradley's gone.
Maybe you should talk to Ella.
And tell her what? The truth? You don't think he's going to call, either, do you? I just think she deserves to know.
Hiya, Denise! Oooh, it's just like Reconnect, isn't it, only different! Because if it was Reconnect, I'd be sat opposite you there, wouldn't I, doing What was it I used to do, Lisa? We were never 100 percent on that, love.
Denise You saw the paper this morning, didn't you? What are you on about? It's not what it looks like.
I was giving him a goodbye peck! It was taken a funny way, that's all.
So, you brought me in a picture to say that it isn't a picture? Couldn't this have waited? I thought that was why you were in a bad mood.
Well, it wasn't.
Why are you, then? Is it that David Cameron thing? I do not look like! I wasn't in a bad mood, but now I am.
I'm working here, in case you hadn't noticed.
This is what I do for a living, not swanning off to parties and pouting at cameras.
Oh, forget it, love! You're on a hiding to nothing with this one today.
Join me for lunch.
Hey, Gary, you're good at computers, aren't you? I'm all right.
In that case, lunch is on me.
We've just had a hotdog at that porta-caff over there.
Get one yourself if you like.
Me and Barry could watch your stall.
I don't like hotdogs.
You never know what's in them.
It's usually a sausage.
Usually You've been on your feet for hours.
Wouldn't want you getting that, er, what's it called, Barry, deep vein? Deep vein thrombosis? I could do with a sit down.
And maybe a Diet Lilt.
Have they got Diet Lilts? What hotdog stand hasn't? Off you go, love, leave it all to us.
Just for the record, I strongly disapprove of this.
There's a surprise! Oh, don't be such a wet fart.
I'll stick 40 quid in her tin and tell her the boss-eyed bloke come back.
Hardly stealing, is it? I think, technically, it is, yes.
To be fair, Dan, most of the stuff she's selling, she borrowed from me in the first place.
You see this sandwich maker? You can still see where the melted plastic is when I stuck the shoe-horn in.
You two, that table in the van now! Go on, off you go! I'll give you £10 for the sandwich maker.
I tell you what, give us 15 and I'll chuck in the dildo! She doesn't share her Facebook, she's not on Twitter.
Half of the companies aren't online.
In fact, they sound made up.
That's what I thought.
Ohhh! Do you think she's one of those Industrious Espianargers? But .
.
I did find this company - High Link Solutions - and she doesn't include it in her resume.
They've got a phone number, if you want it? Gary, I could kiss you! But I won't, you know, in case of paparazzi! I don't think you can get that from kissing.
What is it? I really need to talk to you, properly talk to you, mother to daughter.
"Mother to daughter"? Since when did you want to talk - Please.
Please.
You always told me it was your fault, us moving around, never staying still in one place for more than a few months! You said it was you! I told you what you needed to hear.
The funny turns, the other men, the lives you wrecked, again and again and again? I was only 13 and you told me that to my face - You were 13 going on 40.
You needed an answer you'd believe.
Why didn't you just tell me the truth? Because it was important that you didn't look at your dad differently.
I looked at YOU differently! I didn't matter.
Let's face it, Ella, in spite of everything, he was always going to be the better bet, wasn't he? He was the one I needed you to feel safe with, he was the one I needed you to trust! Imagine if you'd turned out like me! Is he going to be OK? I don't know.
Ohh! That's gonna halve the value, you losing this piece.
I haven't lost it, it's embedded in my finger! And, yes, it does hurt, thanks for asking.
It's only a splinter.
Only a splinter? My finger's turning blue! So's your face.
You're never going to get in there.
You should've let Mum back it out.
She's still got the curves of a 16 year old.
Ahh! Doesn't he say the sweetest things? That's not sweet, it's weird! God! He's not much of a getaway driver, is he? Failed his test six times on reversing! Will you all just shut the You've hit the table! How cross does Mum look? Actually, she looks more amused than angry.
Really? No.
You I thought lunch breaks were an hour.
Well, I've been on the phone for the last 45 minutes to the managing director of High Link Solutions.
They're our biggest rivals! Not exactly the moral of the story, is it, Angie? I don't know what you're talking about.
Don't you? Don't you remember working for them? They remember you.
Funny, you totally missed it off your resume.
Maybe it's because you got fired.
Did they also mention I'm suing them for unfair dismissal? They did.
And apparently, you're doing the same to four other companies at the moment, too.
So now you can make that six.
Can't you? You're not dismissing me.
I informed Fergus about all those pending cases the day he hired me, and since I've been here, I've been nothing but 100 percent reliable .
.
and professional.
Haven't I, Fergus? I took all the money out of savings and invested it in stock that dropped 90 percent in two days.
I will make it all back, I swear.
And you, fuck off! Ta-da! See what we did? What you did! You helped.
You chopped up all those cherries.
Why don't you take some when you go and visit Nick? Is Nick short for Nicola, then? No.
Dear God, I'm in Stepford! Bianca showed us how to make cakes! Is it all right if I go for a quick wash? Course it is.
Up the stairs, on your left.
Roger! That poor girl! Have you any idea what kind of life she leads? Yes.
Yes, I have, yes.
You speak to people with problems like that all the time, don't you? Compared to some of them, she's borderline carefree.
It's like having hundreds of children! Mm.
And I certainly wouldn't want to keep any press cuttings that lot generate! I've been proper stupid about Gary, haven't I? You do a brilliant job.
Better be off.
Visiting time in an hour.
Cheers, Bianca.
You're very welcome, cock! She's lovely.
I'm glad you found someone, Rev.
I did used to worry about you.
She's not so bad.
What? Wait! Wait! We're not a couple! Denise To say sorry .
.
for being a knob to you at work today.
I ended up Well, I made a bad investment with company money.
I lost the lot.
How much was it? Two grand.
I can lend you that if you want.
It's that easy, is it? I'm not a charity case! And I'm not quite such a loser yet that I have to go begging for money off a girl who once used to work for me! Josh is already asleep.
I'll pick him up in the morning.
What? Where are you going? To my Mum's.
Oh, but don't worry, you can stay here, rent free, in the flat of the girl that used to work for you! Are you sure you don't want this? Since you've already made me pay £200 quid for a busted three-legged coffee table, no, I think I'll pass! Ah, go on, Dan! Go lovely in your en-suite, that.
Whoo! Get off! I don't even want to touch that thing! Ow! What's this bloody table doing here? Now then, flower? All right, love? We've had fun at the car-boot sale.
I've ruined my trousers, severed my finger then run over an antique table we stole off your Aunty Margaret and a bloke with a lazy eye! How was your day? I'll go and run your bath.
Mm! Yeah, just me.
I've got a photo.
Oh, it's Robbie Johnson all right, no question.
Sending it to you now.
# I've been working on a cocktail # Called grounds for divorce # Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh # Polishing a compass That I hold in my sleeve # Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh # Doubt comes in on sticks But then he kicks like a horse # Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh # There's a Chinese cigarette case # And the rest you can keep # And the rest you can keep # And the rest you can keep # There's a hole in my neighbourhood # Down which of late I cannot help but fall # There's a hole in my neighbourhood # Down which of late # I cannot help but fall # Mondays is for drinking To the seldom seen kid # Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh From now on, in this house, we're promoting family harmony.
But this has got nothing to do with Denise.
She offered to help, and I told her that I can take care of my own problems! You really are a dickhead, aren't you? So, you're not working later? I only do mornings on a Saturday.
Since you're free, how about dinner? You're going to knock him dead.
It's about feeling special for once, appreciated.
We're not going anywhere! This is our home.
I'm not either.
Whether it's in here or out there, I'm staying.
Why would a private investigator be after Robbie? It was an 0800 number.
You want to check it, be my guest.
That's not your phone.
Who's? You haven't?! Who's this? His wife?
Gus is not a nice man.
'I used to work with someone.
' I stopped working for them.
He didn't like it.
We kept moving.
He couldn't find us.
Today, he did.
Exactly how much danger are they in? Stick to what I say, none, and neither will you be.
Gary's going to walk me home.
Oh, very chivalrous! You have to stay away from the hot stocks.
That one there .
.
dead cert.
It's not too soon to be going back? It'll only be a couple of days a week, max.
You haven't told Fergus yet? Surprise! Lisa Johnson, back like Take That.
Who's she? Oh, Angie.
She's our new PA.
She came highly recommended.
Why have they not been signed? Are you suggesting I'm not doing my job properly? I'm not suggesting it, love, I am telling you! Maybe you're being a little oversensitive.
You may be able to fool Fergus, but you have made a big mistake picking a fight with me.
Morning! What you doing?! Nothing.
Just having a shower.
Barry's using the bathroom.
He's been in there ages.
He's always like that in the morning.
I think it's those multi-vitamins he takes.
Ah, yeah.
Do you mind not standing half-naked in front of my wife, please? Why? What are you worried about? It's fairly obvious she doesn't go for the peak-of-fitness type! Did you sleep all right on the sofa? You were fair gone last night, we couldn't wake you! Pauline got a taxi.
Is this not something we can discuss when we've all got clothes on?! All right, kids? What's going on in here? We're having a party, Baz! Why don't you join us? Has he used your en-suite? How come he's allowed to use your en-suite?! It's gone nine, Dan.
Shouldn't you be getting ready? Mum'll be here in a minute.
Mum? You promised to take her to the car-boot sale, remember? Only to shut her up about it! She won't remember, she was as half-cut as him.
Hiya! We're up here! Wha?! Ooh, this is cosy.
Here, how come he's allowed to use your en-suite? I tell you what, why don't you all use it? Because apparently, our entire bedroom is now fully open to the general public! You've woke her up now! Yes! And that concludes this morning's tour, thank you very much.
Postcards and t-shirts are available in the lobby! We did have a normal life once, didn't we? No.
It's pretty much always been like this.
Iggly Piggly! Gone down the wrong hole? Eh? What do you mean? Your drink.
Oh.
Yeah! You're going to be late for work.
Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Bye-bye.
You've started early.
I woke early.
Look, er, about what I said the other night Excuse me.
So, you can call your daughter but you can't call me? Six messages I've left you! No, she isn't up yet.
Yeah, he is.
Why? Well, can you talk to him quickly? I need to speak to you.
All right? Yeah, fine.
Just, er, I'm fitting the cupboards today.
Look, it's, er, it's probably nothing, but .
.
there was this car the early hours of the morning, I've never seen it before.
I went out for a smoke and it just took off.
Are you still there? He's gone.
Signal.
Well, boys will be boys! Right.
Yes.
I'll just take this and go and eat this upstairs.
Good luck.
Sorry? That isn't what it looks like.
Don't lie to me, Gary! Honestly, you get yourself invited to one showbiz party and suddenly think you're RussellGrant! She was giving me a goodbye kiss on the cheek.
It's just the angle it's taken at.
Even so, you're to go round and see her and sort it out! There's nothing to sort out! What's Fergus going to think when he sees this? Exactly.
Are we on our own, or has some distant cousin turned up for a look round, n'all? Are you going to work? Two half-days a week, you said.
Until I've got this new PA in line, I'm not leaving her on her own with Fergus.
She needs to be straightened out.
That means Baz is on babysitting duties again, because there's no way Mum'll let me out this stupid car-boot thing now.
My dad's going with you.
Yeah, and Molly.
Dad? What's crack-a-lacking? Is it OK if I use the car still? Yeah, yeah! Pauline wants Dan to take his van, anyway.
How much crap is she planning on buying? And what do you mean Molly's coming? We can't cart her round a car-boot all day.
Course we can.
I've got me strap-on.
Carrier, Dad! For the hundredth time, it's called a carrier! Brilliant.
Well, that's me in for a fun day, isn't it, following two mad pensioners and a hungover man-child round a muddy field all afternoon! Stop moaning.
It beats sitting in an office with Salford's answer to Cruella de Vil! Trust me, if we have a competition of who's gonna have the worst day, I'd win.
I might just take you up on that bet.
OK.
The winner gets the evening off Mm.
.
.
bubble bath, scented candles Mm.
.
.
glass of wine.
But that's your thing! Oh, come on, Dan, you know it's your thing, too! I know you use my candles.
I measure 'em.
OK.
Deal.
Deal.
Mm.
Blood and sand, are you not even dressed yet?! Come on! I want to get there before all the best dirty DVDs are gone! Come on! Ah-ha! The first whiff of success.
And it smells of ylang ylang! Thanks.
Know anything about the stock market? I know everything about the stock market.
Why? Are you thinking of investing? I already have.
Nothing serious, you know, just a bit of play money.
Oh, dear! I-It's all right, though, isn't it? They go down and they come back up.
That's how it works, right? I suppose.
With a drop like that, they're not coming up soon.
If I were you, I'd cut your losses and sell.
You've not put a lot in have you? No! No.
Just a bit of pocket change you know? Hi-De-Hi, campers! What are you doing here? I think the words you're looking for are "Ho-Di-Ho".
You said you weren't coming today.
Changed my mind.
MD's prerogative.
I could do with one of those.
Kettle's just boiled.
Great.
Milk and two sugars, please, love! We have to leave - now.
Come again? Someone's watching the house.
Bradley left me strict instructions.
Ella, overnight bag - now.
Sorry, is someone going to tell me Just do it, will you?! Have you calmed down a bit now, hm? Is it safe to come back in? Oh, my God, you've got scissors! Funny.
So, you're keeping it? Yes, I'm keeping it! I may not approve, but it's still his first coverage in the press.
True.
And there's worse things to be in the papers for.
Like what? Well, erm .
.
jewellery heists? You do say some stupid things! I don't know what you're getting so upset about.
He obviously was telling you the truth.
It's not about that, Roger.
He should've been more careful.
He's a grown-up now.
It never ends, worrying about him.
Yes.
He's quite the delinquent handful, isn't he? You wouldn't understand.
If that's him! Hello? Have I got the right house? Is Reverend Roger here? Er, yes No.
Actually, he's Roger! Swing a right, Dan! You'll have this bloke's wing mirror.
Left! You're gonna scratch the side! "Left! Right!" How about just one of you barks instructions? Whoa! Stop! Preferably the one with the most common-sense! Molly?! Come on, Dan, it can't be that hard to park a vehicle! People have been doing it for centuries.
No, they haven't.
I said, bring her right! What happened to our savings account? There was two grand in there.
Oh, yeah, I closed that down while you were off.
I moved it into an ISA.
It's a different bank.
It's safer that way.
I haven't set it up for online yet.
You moved our savings without asking me? I'm pretty sure I mentioned it.
Er, no, you didn't! I got you away.
Now we wait till he calls.
Why don't you call him? I presume he answers you.
No.
I text, he calls back.
Those are the rules, are they? Is she OK? She's not said a word.
This was supposed to be over! Dad promised.
He said he'd finally cleared up all your stupid little messes! You've done it again, haven't you? That's right, walk away, just like you always do when you can't think of a lie fast enough.
Where are you going? I'm taking a minute! That's allowed, isn't it? There's nothing in his rulebook about that! Who is she? Chrissie Shenton.
Part of my parish.
A total walking disaster.
Thinks I'm Jeremy bloody Kyle or something! What does she want? Nothing.
She never wants anything.
She just wants to sit there and deluge me with all her tragedy, and I have to sit there and listen because, technically, it's my job! I never think about you as having a job! What the hell's that supposed to mean? Look, this is what we'll do.
We let her finish her coffee and then we'll say "Oh, we've got to go to a soup kitchen!" or something like that.
We will not! That girl has come here for spiritual guidance.
We're going to sit and we're going to listen.
Oh, we are, are we? WE are going to do that, are we? You really think you could OK.
All right, then.
We'll give it a go.
So, Chrissie, how's your Nick? Got six months this time! I hate car-boot sales.
I've always hated car-boot sales.
We could've been working today.
We'll pick up the slack tomorrow.
It's nice to have a day off now and then.
And you still pay me by the week regardless, right? What? Here, look! They've got Charlie dolls! Look how much fun Mum's having.
You can't put a price on that.
I can.
Hey, Dan, check it out.
It's a bowler hat.
It's a proper one.
It's only four quid! I didn't bring any money.
Will you buy it us? A bowler hat? What are you going to do with it? Looking sharp! It was a pretty stupid question, to be fair, Dan.
Does it make me look like Steed from The Avengers? No.
You look like Mr Benn - The Wilderness Years.
Oi! They've got Dan ones, an'all! That's a good one! I really hate car-boot sales.
Pocket change Sorry? You ploughed the savings into it, didn't you? All two grand All right, yeah.
I got a hot tip.
I don't do things like this! I don't know what happened.
I've been under a lot of stress.
I've been feeling .
.
worthless.
I'll get it back somehow, but Lisa cannot know.
This has to stay between us.
Discretion is my middle name.
I don't believe this! What is THIS still doing in our outbox? Our tax return! It should've gone out last Friday.
Part of this wonderful new system, is it? I don't know anything about it.
As far as I recall, Fergus said he was going to deal with the post last week.
Yeah.
Yeah, apologies, Lisa.
I've had a lot on my mind.
You've never done anything even vaguely secretarial in your entire life! I doubt you could even stamp an envelope without starting a fire! Are you really going to take the blame for this? I was supposed to send it.
It's my mistake.
Why can't you just admit you should never have hired her? Whenever you feel like apologising, do let me know, won't you? So, how much do you know? You know fuck all! What's he got on you, hm? I owed him a favour.
Yeah, everyone always does.
Who is he with? Gus.
In the photos? I may know fuck all, but I know it whatever's going on is Bradley's doing and not yours, so, why does she think otherwise? Because that's what I want her to think.
I don't want her knowing what her father was! He was bad news - money laundering, extortion, protection - but nothing compared to Gus.
When those two were together But then she changed everything.
The day she was born, he changed.
Suddenly he just, he wanted out.
So we ran and we've been doing it ever since.
Bradley said this guy wanted him working for him again.
Why would he want that? Because he's a fucking psycho! I just wish he told us and then we could've just disappeared again.
I guess he just wanted you and Ella to have a normal life.
A normal life?! He hasn't gone back there to work for him! He's gone back there to end it! And you, you're just some fucking back-up plan, some idiot to get us out of there when things go tits-up! Look where we are! What does that tell you? It's in today's paper.
Aww! That's nice! Do you not think that it looks like we're, you know? Oh, yeah! How funny! Bianca doesn't find it very funny.
She's worried what Fergus will say.
He won't say anything! I doubt Oh.
Now you mention it, he was in a bit of an odd mood this morning.
I thought he was still in a huff cos I told him he looked like David Cameron! She's me mam! She's not meant to talk to us like that.
Our Nick went mental.
Goes straight round there, puts all her windows out.
Mam knew who it were, though.
She's sent our Keith round, middle of the night, shouting the odds.
The neighbours went spare! Which one was Keith again? Her brother from the previous anecdote.
Where are you going? Just going out for a quick ciggie.
Hope you don't mind? Smoke in here! I wouldn't dream of it, Bianca! Oh, no! Oh, actually, I'm out.
Oh, well, never mind.
I'll just pop to the shops.
Be about ten minutes.
The shop?! Roger! Homemade cherry jumble? Is that my personnel folder? What are you doing with that? Well, since I was on maternity leave when you were hired, I never had good a chance to look through your references.
I think I should.
I am co-managing director.
You should mention that more often.
Actually, I can see we're missing something already.
What? All employee HR forms require an up-to-date photograph.
Thank you.
It's a fertility statue.
Our Terry used to use it.
How do you mean, "use it"? Are them my hedge cutters? I don't think so.
All right, Margaret? I didn't know you'd be here.
I told you last week! Hey! That's your old phone table, isn't it? Are you after selling it? I told you that last week, too.
Yeah, well, you tell me a lot of things, love.
Hey, Dan, go nice in your hall that, wouldn't it? N-Not really.
I'll buy it you.
My treat.
Shall we say a tenner? Can't.
Already promised it to someone.
Who? Bloke with a lazy eye.
He was probably looking at the one next to it.
I tell you what, let's say 20.
He offered 40.
Er, Mum? Can I have a quick word? That table is 19th-century cedar wood mahogany.
It's worth near £500! How do you know that? There was one on Cash In The Attic last week.
Did you know she was? Is that why we're here?! That's why you needed the van! You're trying to hustle Aunty Margaret?! Yes, I am! And if you don't keep your voice down, I'm gonna do a pretty bloody piss-poor job of it, aren't I? I like your house.
Thank you.
Nick always said we'd get a place like this one day.
I suppose that'll never happen now! Oh! I'm sure it will, once he's, erm, released! I admit I don't know very much about him, but from what you've said, it sounds like you've bagged yourself quite a Mr Right there! Nick's my girlfriend.
Ooooh! These are good.
You're clever, you.
I wish I could do stuff like this! Why don't I teach you? Would? I wouldn't be any good! That woman's got it in for me! She's going through my references, even though I've already got the job! It's harassment.
You need to do something about it.
You mean like when I took the blame for your cock-up? She'd have used that against me.
I've only just started.
I haven't even had training! What training? The training all companies are legally required to offer new employees upon commencement of duty.
If she continues this campaign of bullying Bullying? .
.
I will have no choice but to take her to a tribunal, where that, amongst other things, will be brought up.
Are you blackmailing me? No.
I'm protecting your interests, just like you hired me to do.
Your fly's undone.
OK, so this is yours.
I'll be right next door.
I start uni in two weeks.
Shez and Niks have already got their own place.
I'm going to ask if I can move in with them.
I'm not doing this any more, Mum.
I'm going back to yours.
Maybe if this guy turns up again, I can talk to him, find out what's going on? Yeah, you do that.
You talk to someone on Gus's payroll.
I've got to do something.
When Bradley calls - IF Bradley calls I'm sure he's all right.
Why Greg? Because he told you he would be? He lies.
Haven't you worked that out yet? Then again, I suppose we all lie, don't we? He lies to you, I lie to Ella .
.
you lie to me.
I haven't lied to you.
No? What, you're just a builder, are you, hm? Have you come to do my kitchen whilst my husband's away, pretend to be my friend? Bit of wine, bit of dinner, bit of music You asked me in.
Well, of course I did! But then again, you said it yourself .
.
I play games.
That's all they are, you know, they're little games .
.
things to keep my mind ticking over when Bradley's gone.
Maybe you should talk to Ella.
And tell her what? The truth? You don't think he's going to call, either, do you? I just think she deserves to know.
Hiya, Denise! Oooh, it's just like Reconnect, isn't it, only different! Because if it was Reconnect, I'd be sat opposite you there, wouldn't I, doing What was it I used to do, Lisa? We were never 100 percent on that, love.
Denise You saw the paper this morning, didn't you? What are you on about? It's not what it looks like.
I was giving him a goodbye peck! It was taken a funny way, that's all.
So, you brought me in a picture to say that it isn't a picture? Couldn't this have waited? I thought that was why you were in a bad mood.
Well, it wasn't.
Why are you, then? Is it that David Cameron thing? I do not look like! I wasn't in a bad mood, but now I am.
I'm working here, in case you hadn't noticed.
This is what I do for a living, not swanning off to parties and pouting at cameras.
Oh, forget it, love! You're on a hiding to nothing with this one today.
Join me for lunch.
Hey, Gary, you're good at computers, aren't you? I'm all right.
In that case, lunch is on me.
We've just had a hotdog at that porta-caff over there.
Get one yourself if you like.
Me and Barry could watch your stall.
I don't like hotdogs.
You never know what's in them.
It's usually a sausage.
Usually You've been on your feet for hours.
Wouldn't want you getting that, er, what's it called, Barry, deep vein? Deep vein thrombosis? I could do with a sit down.
And maybe a Diet Lilt.
Have they got Diet Lilts? What hotdog stand hasn't? Off you go, love, leave it all to us.
Just for the record, I strongly disapprove of this.
There's a surprise! Oh, don't be such a wet fart.
I'll stick 40 quid in her tin and tell her the boss-eyed bloke come back.
Hardly stealing, is it? I think, technically, it is, yes.
To be fair, Dan, most of the stuff she's selling, she borrowed from me in the first place.
You see this sandwich maker? You can still see where the melted plastic is when I stuck the shoe-horn in.
You two, that table in the van now! Go on, off you go! I'll give you £10 for the sandwich maker.
I tell you what, give us 15 and I'll chuck in the dildo! She doesn't share her Facebook, she's not on Twitter.
Half of the companies aren't online.
In fact, they sound made up.
That's what I thought.
Ohhh! Do you think she's one of those Industrious Espianargers? But .
.
I did find this company - High Link Solutions - and she doesn't include it in her resume.
They've got a phone number, if you want it? Gary, I could kiss you! But I won't, you know, in case of paparazzi! I don't think you can get that from kissing.
What is it? I really need to talk to you, properly talk to you, mother to daughter.
"Mother to daughter"? Since when did you want to talk - Please.
Please.
You always told me it was your fault, us moving around, never staying still in one place for more than a few months! You said it was you! I told you what you needed to hear.
The funny turns, the other men, the lives you wrecked, again and again and again? I was only 13 and you told me that to my face - You were 13 going on 40.
You needed an answer you'd believe.
Why didn't you just tell me the truth? Because it was important that you didn't look at your dad differently.
I looked at YOU differently! I didn't matter.
Let's face it, Ella, in spite of everything, he was always going to be the better bet, wasn't he? He was the one I needed you to feel safe with, he was the one I needed you to trust! Imagine if you'd turned out like me! Is he going to be OK? I don't know.
Ohh! That's gonna halve the value, you losing this piece.
I haven't lost it, it's embedded in my finger! And, yes, it does hurt, thanks for asking.
It's only a splinter.
Only a splinter? My finger's turning blue! So's your face.
You're never going to get in there.
You should've let Mum back it out.
She's still got the curves of a 16 year old.
Ahh! Doesn't he say the sweetest things? That's not sweet, it's weird! God! He's not much of a getaway driver, is he? Failed his test six times on reversing! Will you all just shut the You've hit the table! How cross does Mum look? Actually, she looks more amused than angry.
Really? No.
You I thought lunch breaks were an hour.
Well, I've been on the phone for the last 45 minutes to the managing director of High Link Solutions.
They're our biggest rivals! Not exactly the moral of the story, is it, Angie? I don't know what you're talking about.
Don't you? Don't you remember working for them? They remember you.
Funny, you totally missed it off your resume.
Maybe it's because you got fired.
Did they also mention I'm suing them for unfair dismissal? They did.
And apparently, you're doing the same to four other companies at the moment, too.
So now you can make that six.
Can't you? You're not dismissing me.
I informed Fergus about all those pending cases the day he hired me, and since I've been here, I've been nothing but 100 percent reliable .
.
and professional.
Haven't I, Fergus? I took all the money out of savings and invested it in stock that dropped 90 percent in two days.
I will make it all back, I swear.
And you, fuck off! Ta-da! See what we did? What you did! You helped.
You chopped up all those cherries.
Why don't you take some when you go and visit Nick? Is Nick short for Nicola, then? No.
Dear God, I'm in Stepford! Bianca showed us how to make cakes! Is it all right if I go for a quick wash? Course it is.
Up the stairs, on your left.
Roger! That poor girl! Have you any idea what kind of life she leads? Yes.
Yes, I have, yes.
You speak to people with problems like that all the time, don't you? Compared to some of them, she's borderline carefree.
It's like having hundreds of children! Mm.
And I certainly wouldn't want to keep any press cuttings that lot generate! I've been proper stupid about Gary, haven't I? You do a brilliant job.
Better be off.
Visiting time in an hour.
Cheers, Bianca.
You're very welcome, cock! She's lovely.
I'm glad you found someone, Rev.
I did used to worry about you.
She's not so bad.
What? Wait! Wait! We're not a couple! Denise To say sorry .
.
for being a knob to you at work today.
I ended up Well, I made a bad investment with company money.
I lost the lot.
How much was it? Two grand.
I can lend you that if you want.
It's that easy, is it? I'm not a charity case! And I'm not quite such a loser yet that I have to go begging for money off a girl who once used to work for me! Josh is already asleep.
I'll pick him up in the morning.
What? Where are you going? To my Mum's.
Oh, but don't worry, you can stay here, rent free, in the flat of the girl that used to work for you! Are you sure you don't want this? Since you've already made me pay £200 quid for a busted three-legged coffee table, no, I think I'll pass! Ah, go on, Dan! Go lovely in your en-suite, that.
Whoo! Get off! I don't even want to touch that thing! Ow! What's this bloody table doing here? Now then, flower? All right, love? We've had fun at the car-boot sale.
I've ruined my trousers, severed my finger then run over an antique table we stole off your Aunty Margaret and a bloke with a lazy eye! How was your day? I'll go and run your bath.
Mm! Yeah, just me.
I've got a photo.
Oh, it's Robbie Johnson all right, no question.
Sending it to you now.
# I've been working on a cocktail # Called grounds for divorce # Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh # Polishing a compass That I hold in my sleeve # Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh # Doubt comes in on sticks But then he kicks like a horse # Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh # There's a Chinese cigarette case # And the rest you can keep # And the rest you can keep # And the rest you can keep # There's a hole in my neighbourhood # Down which of late I cannot help but fall # There's a hole in my neighbourhood # Down which of late # I cannot help but fall # Mondays is for drinking To the seldom seen kid # Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh From now on, in this house, we're promoting family harmony.
But this has got nothing to do with Denise.
She offered to help, and I told her that I can take care of my own problems! You really are a dickhead, aren't you? So, you're not working later? I only do mornings on a Saturday.
Since you're free, how about dinner? You're going to knock him dead.
It's about feeling special for once, appreciated.
We're not going anywhere! This is our home.
I'm not either.
Whether it's in here or out there, I'm staying.
Why would a private investigator be after Robbie? It was an 0800 number.
You want to check it, be my guest.
That's not your phone.
Who's? You haven't?! Who's this? His wife?