Nurse Jackie s04e04 Episode Script

Previously on Nurse Jackie I miss you so much.
I need to be with my daughter.
Against medical advice, that's how you're leaving here.
I can't believe you're gonna get out of this place before me.
See you on the outside? Hey, you gonna pay for those meds you stole during my intro? Dock my pay.
Listen to me.
I am gonna be around a lot more.
I'm not going anywhere.
Kids, they break your heart with a text message.
Efficient.
I told Kevin about us.
He knows everything now.
I know that Eddie talked to you.
The girls don't know anything.
I assume you want to keep it that way.
So I'm gonna keep them an extra night, all right? Okay.
Thank Stop it.
Just turn Turn it off, please.
Guys, stop.
Holy crap.
Yep.
Hey, hey, hey, what you doing? What you doing? Talking.
What are you doing? Who's your friend? What's your name again? Todd.
Todd.
Okay, Todd, so have fun playing skee-ball or whatever.
Okay.
So, I'll, like, call you sometime? Okay.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Why are you being so helicopter-y? What is that supposed to mean? Are you aware that your daughter has never had a corn dog? It's a hot dog wrapped in fried corn junk on a stick.
I know, honey.
That's disgusting.
Can we get one? Yes, of course.
Guys, I'm gonna go pee real quick.
I'll be right back.
Okay.
Hey, sorry.
Todd, hey.
What? Excuse me.
Wait, what? Let's see.
I'm sorry.
I am not ready for her to date just yet.
Thank you, Todd.
Take care.
Wait, but No? Well, that's good.
I was just commending Grace for not taking that boy's number.
They want it, they can come get it, right? Gosh, I hope he calls.
He will.
I've never called Lenny in my life.
That cannot be true.
It can be, and it is.
Can somebody open this? Give it.
Opa! Cool! With a lighter? Give me that.
That is not cool.
What the hell do you think you're doing? Calm down.
It's just a trick that I learned at Dad's bar.
Yeah? Well, unlearn it.
Somebody in the ER just got 22 stitches from trying to open a bottle with a lighter.
It's really dangerous.
They must've done it wrong.
You need one of these bad boys.
No, she does not.
No, you do not.
You know, you're being pretty judgmental for someone who just got out of rehab.
Who went where? Gracie, who told you that? Don't worry.
I won't tell Dad.
I googled that place that I came to visit you at.
It's a rehab.
Do you know what that means? I don't care.
Do you wanna talk about it, honey? I would like to talk about it.
Hi.
What do you want? Two minutes.
Okay, so Open book.
I lied.
I went to rehab.
I did good, so let's just move on.
Okay? No more fucking secrets.
One day at a time, right? My cousin had a problem with wine, and men, and food.
She's lovely.
Hang in there.
So, Grace knows, so Fi knows, so Yeah, so they know.
Anything else? Do you think we should talk about any of this? No.
I'm good.
Okay.
Hey, Charlie, it's Jackie.
Guessing you're out about a week now, so Fucking A.
Okay, so let me start this over.
I think we have to go to one of those bullshit meetings.
I looked in the book that they gave us.
There's one at the Ukrainian church on 11th at 3:00.
So how about if you Why don't you meet me? Yeah, meet me there.
Jesus Christ.
Well, she's acting like it's no big deal.
It's freaking me out.
And I told Kevin.
About rehab? Good for you.
There was a woman in his apartment with not a lot on.
Good for him.
Yeah.
Pretty fucking weird.
I guess I was kind of relieved.
Maybe I should look for somebody to sleep with.
Let's not forget about the no-big-changes rule.
Well, sex isn't change.
I'm very familiar with sex.
What am I gonna do about Grace? Has she seen Trainspotting? Wow, you went there.
I have a wound to flush in four.
Sour Patch Kids.
Really? Zoey eats them by the fistful.
They're magical.
You do realize you're eating baby-shaped candy.
Pretty new paychecks, like the money in Iceland.
Is this a good time? I Nope.
Okay.
I just want to say I had no idea that you didn't go to Disneyland.
Rehab.
I see you every day, and I saw nothing.
What can I say, Zoey? I'm a very good liar.
And I am not, but I want you to know that your secret is safe with me.
Cone.
Silence.
Done.
That is all.
I'm not waiting.
I've been waiting for an hour.
Hello! Hello! Hello! Who do I gotta blow to get a couple of stitches around here? Punched some guy in Whole Foods.
Yeah, well, they wanted to charge and that was bullshit.
Grape rape.
They're not pressing charges on account of the My fucked-up midriff.
Want me to blow you? No, I'm fucking with you.
I'm sorry.
You should've seen your face, though.
It was hilarious.
Good luck.
In here.
Over here.
Thanks for the ride, fellas.
Nurse Jackie.
Jules.
Ooh, la, la, a pretty pregnant lady.
And bloody pregnant lady.
Oh, my goodness.
This is Jules.
I hurt my flipper.
Indeed you did.
Let's take a look.
Number six on my fuck-it list.
Your what? Puerto Rican purse.
"Six.
Punch Brad in produce for being such a dickweed.
" Organic douchebag ex-fiancé.
Did it and crossed it off.
What's number seven? "Throw a drink on anyone who gives me shit about drinking.
" That's gonna start as soon as I get out of here.
It's gonna be fun.
You know, rumor has it that fetuses and alcohol don't mix so well.
What, the glasses are too big for their little hands? Sir, I can't help you unless you tell me what happened.
Please don't make me.
Thor, can you handle a possible penis fracture? Of course.
I can't believe she just yelled that.
She can't help herself.
I'm so sorry.
My depth perception is terrible.
Yeah, well.
So, just out of curiosity, do you have an obstetrician? Sure, and a unicorn and a rainbow up my ass, too.
I hate to state the obvious, but you really should be seeing a doctor once a week at this point in your pregnancy.
And I really should floss more, but who's got the time? Wow, do you give a shit about any of this? Lady, I give so many shits, you have no idea.
Jacks, can you prep Jules for an ultrasound, please? Wait.
Excuse me.
No, no, no, no.
We're here for my hand, not for an ultrasound.
I know.
Honey, stop.
No, no, no.
No.
Seriously, dude, you're wasting your time.
Okay, Jules, can you just lay back for a minute? Come on.
Come on.
Fine, suit yourselves.
Like it? It's my sad, glad, mad tattoo.
Pretty much how I feel every two seconds.
My ex says that dating me is like dating an opera.
You have any tats? Me? No.
She's not pregnant.
How long have you had them? Three years.
Desmoid tumors.
Benign, but deadly.
Yep, my slow-growing monsters.
They've had a growth spurt lately, so basically, they've become one with my organs.
Clingy little fuckers.
Can't they be removed? No, they cannot.
This one's Alien.
And this one sticking out over here, that's Predator.
Things are so big, people think I'm pregnant.
I really love it when people ask to touch my belly.
Jesus Christ.
You know what's really funny? When I'm riding the subway, pregnant, with a malt liquor in your hand and a cigarette in the other.
People just freak out.
They stand up.
I sit.
I drink.
Fucking hilarious.
As a matter of fact, I actually have a tattoo.
You have You what? Since when? Where? I'm not gonna show you.
Come on.
You're not gonna show a dying chick your ink? All right, fine.
But not a word of this to anyone.
What is that? It looks like some kind of fish jumping over some kind of blob or something.
Talented fish.
Actually, it's a porpoise, and the blob is Australia.
I spent my gap year in Byron Bay.
You should get that shit removed.
Not a word.
Not What the fuck? Let's try this one more time.
Can they dock our pay? Who? Quantum fucking Bay.
My check is $63.
I thought I was covered with vacation days.
I don't know anything about it.
Why don't you ask our new administrator? I would rather ask you.
Jesus.
Gloria, you need a hand? Nope.
Third time's the charm.
Wow, okay, so Happy Monday.
Anybody have a clean set of scrubs? I just heard something pop, okay? I was, you know masturbating, and I guess it got kind of aggressive, because everything had gone, like, dead down there thanks to the Zoloft.
I squeezed it really hard, and something popped.
I fucking broke my dick.
Oh, my God.
How long have you been taking Zoloft? Like, only three weeks.
The whole reason I started it is because I fell in love with this girl.
Everything was super-overwhelming and scary, and now everything's just fucking numb.
Antidepressants, not always a friend of the penis.
Are they a friend of the vagina? If I hear that sentence one more time today I bet they are not.
Guys, enough.
I don't beat around the bush when it comes to another man's penis.
Yeah, come on in.
Don't sit there.
It's broken.
I wasn't going to.
What can I do? Do you wanna tell me why my paycheck is $63? You said to dock your pay.
I said what? The amoxicillin and the IV lines you liberated on the 19th? I was kidding.
I wasn't.
Look, it's like taking a pen.
$1,680 for amoxicillin and IV bags? This costs us, what, like 70 bucks, tops? Not running a charity here.
Well, there's certainly nothing charitable about a 3,000% mark-up.
Is that what patients pay for this stuff? When they actually pay, yeah, it is.
Look, I was a bartender once back in the day, you know? No, I didn't know that.
Yeah, in Miami, near the water.
I like the water.
Who doesn't? And one of the things about being a bartender is you give away a lot of free drinks.
The thing is, they're not really my drinks to give away, are they? Look, I get it.
I will pay for the stuff I took.
Do you think maybe I can get it at cost? You're not used to people calling your bluff, are you? You'll get it at cost.
Booga, boosha, boosha, boosha! Oh, my gosh, you look so cute.
What the hell? Somebody shoot me now, please.
They moved that awful pregnant lady.
They're running some more tests.
Jesus, Zoey.
She's not pregnant.
You might wanna keep your thoughts to yourself.
Hey.
Hey.
Shit.
Broken.
Yeah.
Well, better to punch people with, right? Did she give you something for the pain? Yeah, this big thing of Vicodin.
I've been there, done that.
It might help.
I figure I got three weeks left, and I don't wanna miss one miserable second.
Besides, I was a junkie for five years.
Gets kind of boring after a while, you know? Yes.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm sure.
I would not say no to some Jagermeister.
Seems like the only thing these monsters like to drink.
Alien and Predator, frat boys.
Who knew? Just my luck.
Sometimes I sing Happy Birthday to my penis.
Not very medical, but it helps.
Has he considered lowering his dosage? I've been taking Zoloft for five years.
You have? I have.
Why is it that I never know anything about anybody? When my boyfriend and I got serious, I was having similar issues downstairs.
Lowered my dosage to five milligrams.
All of a sudden, everything was up and running.
Did I just say that? You did.
I'm just saying it can work.
Don't be hard on yourself.
Okay, I'm leaving.
Maternity leave at a loss.
You do realize that you're in the absolute worst place in the world for benefits, don't you? All Saints? No, America.
Well, that is discouraging.
I assume you're familiar with STDs? I beg your pardon? Short-term disability.
Right! Yes, I remember now.
Your country views pregnancy as some sort of affliction.
They're gonna tell you that you can take 12 weeks.
Only six of those will be paid.
You want all 12 paid, write it down.
You have the right to adjust your schedule accordingly upon return to work.
If you need a half-day, take it.
Whatever you need, and you're gonna need it, write it down.
They wanna call you disabled? Be disabled.
Here's the deal.
I'm going to a meeting.
An AA meeting.
Stay where you are! Stay where you are.
So I'm sitting there, drunk off my ass, pouring my heart out to this woman who listened, who really, really listened.
Hey, Jackie! Sorry, bro.
Please proceed with your tale of woe.
That is so rude.
That totally rhymed.
That's a nice vest there.
All right, come on.
Let's go.
Where we going? Eh, don't beat yourself up over it, man.
I'm sure that hooker loved your poem.
Jesus.
So, how've you been? Charlie, I can't believe you've been out a week, and you're already using.
I can't believe you're not.
Believe it.
Wow, little miss program.
Shut up.
Give me a cigarette? You shouldn't smoke.
Have a Hydrox.
That shit'll kill you.
Can I have a cigarette? You gonna make it, rusty? I don't know, Charlie.
Things are all just upside down.
Fucking rehab will kill you.
Fuck, I hope not.
Things still rough with your dad? I haven't really seen him.
Staying on his boat, though.
Boat? Well, that sounds pretty fancy.
If by fancy, you mean a massive waste of money for something that's never going to be used, then yes.
Oh, man down.
For Christ's sake.
I just lit this thing.
Hey, you know what they say.
You want someone to die, light a cigarette.
Hi.
Sir, hi.
You okay? My name is Jackie.
I'm a nurse.
Did I ask you for help? Mind your own business.
I'm sorry.
I'm old.
I fell.
I'll do some stretches while I'm down here.
Okay.
Leave me alone.
Have a nice day.
Jesus.
Here we go.
Jackie's not around, man.
I'm not here to see Jackie.
Okay, count to 10, Kev.
Count to 10, bro.
You were her drug dealer? Not the way I see it.
Rehab? What about it? She went to rehab.
I really don't care.
This is fucking bullshit.
All right, Kevin, you know what? Now you're on my turf.
You wanna come at me, here I am.
I wanna fucking understand, Eddie.
What do these do? They're painkillers.
They kill pain.
Taking notes? Yep.
How many did she take? Who are you, Columbo? She took a lot.
So, what, like 15? No one noticed? You should ask her.
You know, this shit happens a lot in this business.
Yeah? People fuck each other for drugs? How many milligrams is this? Kevin, Jackie and I don't I don't give a fuck what you do.
Listen, you see her, you tell her she just lost her kids.
Put that thing away.
Sorry, Dad.
You okay? Yep.
Did you go to a meeting? Hungry? I had cookies.
Got you a sandwich.
Thanks.
Rumor has it that the best possible What, are you getting out of here? Yeah, I've been released.
Look at you with the Jager.
Well, you said it helps.
Man, you are a nice nurse.
I don't know if everybody feels that way, but thank you.
You wanna take a walk and kill this with me? Sure.
Let's do it.
Cheers, love you! Don't forget to write.
I love doing that.
I'm just a nurse sitting with a pregnant lady drinking.
Want some? No, I don't drink.
More for us.
Thanks, by the way.
For what? For making a really shit day into a really good day.
I don't have much of those these days, not at this point.
I'm just doing my job.
Yeah, well, you're fucking awesome at it, really.
Seriously.
I should punch people out more often, become a regular.
Seriously, though, I'm really glad I met you.
Hey, I got a gift.
Vicodin.
You like the Vic? Well, you know.
Yeah.
Keep them.
They give me bad dreams about black cats anyway.
I gotta go see my girls.
I hate not being there to say good night.
A nice mom and a nice nurse? What are you, a fucking saint? That's funny.
Thank you.
You gonna be okay? Till the end of time.
All right.
Take care, Jules.
Fuck! Fuck it.