Six Feet Under s04e04 Episode Script
Can I Come Up Now?
I'm sorry.
No, it's my fault.
Nothing is anybody's fault.
Well, good night.
You're beautiful.
David Fisher.
Oh my God, David, is that you? I'm sorry, can you hold on just a second? - Hello? - David? - Yeah? - It's Jennifer.
- Hi.
- My father's been killed! Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
How did it happen? He was struck by lightning.
Do you think you can handle it? Yeah, of course we'll take care of it.
- David, are you okay? - No, that's just - You sound - Hold on, it's just it's my mouth guard, so I don't grind my teeth when I sleep.
What the fuck? - Jennifer's father died.
- I can't believe it.
I hope she's married.
That way I won't have to feel so guilty for wasting almost two years of her life.
Every woman needs to go through falling in love with a gay man.
It's a total female rite of passage.
What about Claire and what's-his-face? Keith, don't you ever tell her I told you about that.
I'm serious.
Just like every gay man goes through a period where he tries to be straight.
I don't think that's a requirement anymore.
We were the last generation that did that.
What about Claire and what's-his-face? So I'm back on Celeste duty today.
Another talk show? Some rehearsal for some charity tomorrow.
What should I wear? Mm, uh, Helmut Lang jeans, a black t-shirt, the faded Banana Republic one with the stretch, and black lace-up boots.
David, this is a profession, okay? There is an image to project.
And that image isn't fucking Keith of Finland.
Are you not out on the job? No one's ever asked.
You big whore.
What, it's not like I'm only defined by being gay.
I'm defined by being a lot of things.
Being black, being American, being Busted? You broke up with me because I was not out! Yeah, to your family.
I don't expect you to come out to every person who walks through the funeral home.
Nor do I expect you to come out to every client you have, whether it's Celeste or Cameron Diaz or lan fucking McKellen.
- But the people you work with - Calm down.
I'm not the enemy.
I'm your lover.
Thanks, Barb, she's never been before.
Seriously, you've never taken Maya to LEGOLAND? No.
She was too young for it until, basically, now? I used to love to play with those blocks when I was a kid.
Didn't you? Does Maya love them? Too young, small parts, choking? Oh, dear, she's still that orally fixated.
Well, no wonder, she was still breast-feeding when Yeah.
- Hey.
- Hey! She just keeps getting bigger every day.
Yeah, kids kinda do that.
You got me.
Oh, thanks.
- Uncle Nate? - Yeah? Could you be sure and give this to David? Yeah, sure.
Okay.
- Tell him that it's from Michaela.
- Right.
Okay, so we'll drop her off on Sunday around 6:00 or so.
Hey, listen, you guys, thanks so much for doing this.
If there's anything you ever need that l Well, yeah, we do need I guess, what, Hoyt? maybe 120.
For you know, Maya's share of the hotel, and the parking, and the restaurants Stroller rental.
Of course, yeah.
Uh, look, could you just take her? Does Maya like to swim? Yeah, yeah, she loves it.
She loves it.
Here you go.
Say goodbye to Daddy, honey.
Hey, bye, baby girl.
I love you.
Have a good time.
Nate, are you doing okay? Yeah, you know it comes and goes.
I can appreciate the attempt, but I think it looks like something you'd see on a calendar, like in some bargain bin somewhere, like three months after the new year.
Can you be a little more harsh? No, it's obviously a stylish calendar, in an upscale store Okay, so this piece is no good.
Let's move on.
I think the question is not so much is this piece good? I would rather we ask is this piece successful? Yeah, well, this is America, successful equals good.
Successful in achieving its intention.
Anita what was your intent with this piece? I don't know.
I liked the way the light was hitting her head.
Do we have to go into every piece knowing exactly what it means? No, but surely it ended up meaning something to you, or you wouldn't have brought it into class.
Oh.
I can't believe this! I thought Arthur was merely eccentric.
I had no idea he was seriously disturbed.
Kinda brings new meaning to the term "dump truck," huh? # You're just a legend in your own mind, aren't ya? # Stop marking it, Sammy! # You're never ever gonna be mine, are ya? # Ugh! Sloppy.
You guys blow! Hey, Javier.
How many of those guys you think she fucked? Man, them faggots are too busy fucking each other - to ever work her in.
- Right? Yo, K, what's up? You coming on the road with us next month? I'm still waiting to hear.
Johnny, you suck! Jennifer, I'm so terribly sorry.
David, this is my fiancé Greg Sutton.
Hi, Greg.
I'm glad to meet you.
- Yeah, me too.
- Shall we? He'd been depressed for years, ever since my mom divorced him.
Well, you remember.
Yes.
Will your mother be coming to the funeral? No, she's in a nursing home.
You're kidding.
She's so young.
Honey, I don't mean to rush you, but I've gotta be back on the site by noon at the latest.
So what's going on tour like? All right, the thing about Celeste every concert's packed with teenage girls fucking horny out of their minds.
You know what I'm saying? You better make sure you're checking I.
D.
s or you'll find your ass in jail.
Naw, you just got to make sure you don't videotape nothing.
What, you married? No, not married, but we live together.
Don't do it.
I'm on number three, and I can't seem to fucking learn.
I don't want to play myself.
I wanna play someone ugly or fat.
Something that'll show I can be a serious actress.
Hey, you mind if I ask you a personal question? If I do, I won't answer it.
How many times a week do you get your pole wet? What? I'm curious.
It averages out, I guess, to about five or six times a week.
Damn.
You don't need to go on tour.
What about you? Once.
Twice if I'm lucky or if I buy her something.
That's not good.
That is so motherfuckin' not good.
See if you can at least get some free clothes out of it.
These two great black balls of male erotic fury go to explode on one another.
That's when everything started.
From those cave paintings, that was the creation of the idea of "image," of the representation of ourselves.
Exactly, and that's when we stopped living inside nature, and started living inside our heads.
Yeah, which is why we can just sit back and watch while greedy corporate Bush-suckers destroy nature, since we're no longer a part of it.
If you take humans out of nature, then all that you're left with is human nature.
Okay, that sounds really good, but what the fuck does that mean? Oh, Olivier! That's no doubt his new assistant.
I heard you fucked him.
No! I did not fuck him.
So why did you have to be so mean during my crit, you bitch? Or was that just the new Claire Fisher? There's a new Claire Fisher? What was wrong with the old one? She just waited around for the world to happen to her.
- Hey, Jimmy.
- What the fuck?! Oh, God, I sorry.
I thought that was going to be like a charming moment, - but now you want to kill me.
- No way.
What good would my life be without you? Oh shut up.
So, Claire Fisher.
Yes, Jimmy.
I'm not exactly sure I know what your last name is.
I would love to hang out with you.
Say when.
Okay, you are verging dangerously close on being smarmy.
You still haven't answered my question.
I could come over tomorrow afternoon, but I have to be home by 7:00 at the latest.
No! That's hardly any time with you at all! And Nicole misses you.
Well, I miss Nicole too, but I have kids of my own, Sophia.
Federico, did Arthur leave some sort of forwarding address? Uh, no, I don't think so.
Vanessa, I'm gonna have to call you back, okay, sweetie? Vanessa? Oh no, he didn't.
He's engaged in a campaign of harassment against this family! Ruth, I wish you'd let this go.
I have no intention of letting it go.
I have a good mind to get the authorities involved.
That's never a good idea.
What have you got here? Male, 60s, struck by lightning.
Oh.
What exactly happens to a person when they get struck by lightning? Well, cardiac arrest is what kills 'em, but their insides get fried wherever the current goes.
Which in this case, was his right arm and left leg, hence the separate embalming.
So he becomes sort of a human fulgurite, as it were.
Federico, I need to get in touch with Arthur! Surely there's some way of tracing him.
Ruth, calm down! Fine.
I'll just resign myself to receiving excrement in the mail for the rest of my days on this earth.
You little shit! I'm starting to lose patience with all your "sensitive man" bullshit.
You're not sensitive.
You're a fucking eunuch.
A castrato.
- Castrato, I like that.
- You little shit, you don't make jokes! You take this seriously.
I'd flip you over and spank your candy ass till it bled if I didn't think you'd like it so much.
I won't, I promise I won't like it.
Nice try.
Huh.
I wonder who that is.
Hey, shut the door.
What, you don't want somebody to see you all tied up like this? Too bad, because I want the whole world to see what a twisted sister you are.
Freak.
- Hey.
- Hi.
I thought you might be up for grabbing a movie or a bite or something? Oh.
Maya's with her Aunt Barb.
They went to LEGOLAND.
I'm going kinda stir-crazy.
I just need to be with somebody, I think.
I just ordered out for pizza.
That's who I thought you were, the pizza guy.
I like pizza.
Um - Bad timing.
- Mm-hmm.
Well, I guess I should have called.
No, Nate stay.
You can meet him.
Okay.
Just give me a few minutes.
I just don't know if he's the right guy for her.
At least he has sex with her.
I had sex with her.
Right, you're the stud because you've had sex with more women than I have.
Wow, you're like, almost heterosexual.
What's up with you? I don't know.
It's weird at work.
I feel like Sarah Jane from "lmitation of Life.
" That makes me Troy Donahue.
Okay, this fits.
But there's this side of me that feels all puffed up because everybody thinks I'm straight.
It's like I feel like I'm How fucked up is that? In a culture that consistently puffs up men for being straight? Not very.
But, Keith, you have to come out.
David, that's my decision.
You are the last person I ever expected to turn into a self-loathing homo.
Wait, I'll get that.
Keith Charles.
Duane, what up? I know Two venti soy lattes.
Yeah, later.
Bitch.
Just because I'm the new guy, I'm their fucking waitress? Now I can't answer the phone in my own house? No, don't be silly.
I'll just make sure they always call me on my cell.
David, look if they take me on tour, I can make 100 fucking bucks an hour, okay? And that's for us! Hi, you've reached David and Keith, but we can't come to the phone right now because we're too gay.
So after watching this thing, like, 100 times I decide I'm gonna do the scarecrow for her.
So I'm dancing around, doing the thing and throwing myself around like a ragdoll and she's laughing her head off.
The next thing I know she starts doing the same thing.
She's throwing herself around and I can just see her cracking her head open on the edge of a coffee table or something, and that's how you go from feeling like you're Super Dad to the village fucking idiot.
Parenthood is just such a huge fucking responsibility.
Aren't you ever, you know, terrified? Yeah, but I just remind myself that some things in my life I just don't have any power over, and I never will.
You know, because fear is no good.
Fear can take over your life.
I still feel like Lisa's around pushing me to move on, wants me to But you can't.
You can't rush it.
Uh, I should go.
- Oh.
- Nice to meet you, Joe.
Yeah, you too.
Take care.
- Are you all right to drive? - Yeah yeah.
I can't believe I was the only one drinking.
You guys make me feel like such a lowlife.
Well, be good to yourself.
Yeah, okay, I will.
That guy is seriously wounded.
I want to put one of those lampshades around his head, you know, like they put on dogs so they don't chew their stitches.
I know.
I felt like I couldn't turn him away.
Sorry.
No no no no, I love having your ex-boyfriend invited in when I'm trussed up in the other room like a Christmas ham.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
That's hot.
Really? That's very hot.
Hey, buddy.
Well, hello.
Whatcha doin'? So long.
What is it? Hey, buddy boy.
What's up, huh? How ya doin', huh? What are you doing, huh? Lisa? Uh-oh, incoming.
- Is Celeste in there? - Who wants to know? Nancy Freymire.
I'm chairwoman of this event.
Please, stand back from the door.
- Hi, Celeste, I'm - We have a problem.
- I know.
That's why I'm here - I bring my own hair and makeup people.
It's in my contract.
Yes, but we were unaware that there would be a $3,000 fee Hey, these people work hard.
We're actually trying to raise money for people with anticoagulative blood disorders.
Right, and that's why I'm here for free.
I'm totally committed to this.
Lucien and Phyllis, however, are not as rich as I am and therefore, cannot afford to work for free.
Perhaps a more reasonable This problem needs to be resolved before I go on stage, all right? Otherwise, I don't.
Fine, but might I just say I think you're a gigantic bitch, and I will no longer allow my daughters to listen to your music? I'm sorry.
You're either trying to weasel out of what you agreed to, or were too stupid to even read it, and I'm the bitch? Trollop.
Jesus, some people are tense.
- Keith? - That's right.
You peed in my john.
I did, and I apologize.
I used to be a cop.
I'm kinda new to this.
I'm a little weird about my bathroom.
What the hell is so funny? Sorry, I can't hear you you got your head so far up Celeste's ass.
It is not! Tsk.
Good boy.
I've been expecting you.
I have many messages for you.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah? What's my name? They don't tell me your name, just that you've lost a lot, and that your heart has been broken.
Yeah, who's "they"? An older man who watches over you, your father? Your grandfather? He was very unhappy in life.
The other one is a woman, I think.
I can't be sure.
Sit! Ahhhh.
You have a lot to work out in this life.
Too much for one life.
You will have many lives.
Right.
Listen, I think I oughta go, no offense.
I just think this is a huge ball of crap, so She's not gone.
She's trying to get to you.
She just doesn't know how.
She's Who is? I see a woman.
I see water.
She thinks you stopped loving her.
But I only started loving her I wanted to love her the way she deserved to be loved.
- You still can.
- She's dead.
She isn't dead.
She's trying to get back to you.
She loves you.
- I don't know what to say to you.
- Well, just - What can I do? - You're completely embarrassing me.
If you could even try to understand what I'm going through I am trying, but it's never enough! My older brother dies when I'm 10, my mother develops Alzheimer's really early, the love of my life turns out to be gay, and my dad gets struck by lightning.
Why did all this happen to me? I don't know.
But I do know that you Don't you fucking take my hand.
Are you serious? You fucking broke my heart and stomped on it.
And I was such a fucking idiot, I went out of my way to make it easier for you?! Because you wanted to suck cock! I was so fucking in love with you, you fucking sadist! You make me sick! I hate that you're gay.
I fucking hate it.
You don't hate that I'm gay.
You hate that I lied to you.
You should hate that.
I lied to myself too.
Are you sure you like it? How could I not like the first piece of furniture we purchased together as a couple? lt'll be nice to have a place to display my rock collection.
I spoke to a lawyer today about pressing charges against Arthur.
Oh, shit.
Look, Ruth, Arthur never sent us any excrement.
- Then who did? - My son.
That toy truck was something I bought him.
It's the only thing I ever bought him actually, before he was even born.
- Brian? - Kyle.
I thought your son's name was Brian.
I have another son.
Why have you never told me this? Because he's never really been part of my life.
If he's sending us shit in the mail, - he's a part of your life.
- No, he isn't.
I was very young.
His mother and I never even married.
Her family didn't think I was suitable.
- So you just left? - He wasn't born yet.
I was very young.
Nobody wanted me to be a part of his life.
Are there other wives you've neglected to tell me about? No! Of course not.
Art is just a sentimental construct to alleviate our fear of death.
No, there's no way to even determine what it is that makes art art, much less to teach it.
It's a goddamn illusion that anyone can be taught anything.
I mean, yes, we can all be conditioned up the wazoo, but to really learn something, something important? That always comes from within.
The cunt has spoken.
Now the world sits in silence.
So, why do you teach art then? Why? Because I need the goddamn paycheck.
No, you don't, baby.
Bern left me very well taken care of.
All you have to do is just keep making paintings and I'll keep buying them.
Did you know Olivier taught my son? - No.
- I'm hot for teacher.
Drink more, Mom.
Oh, darling, don't you want to try the Shiraz? It's delicious.
No, I'm good.
I read in the paper about a student who allowed some corporation to tattoo its logo on his forehead, and in exchange they paid for his education.
What the hell is that? I imagine it's an education for someone who wouldn't normally be able to pay for it himself.
It's way more than that.
My students are all in such a mad rush to become commodities.
But that's always been true of artists.
Where is your bathroom? Straight through there, to the left.
It's him! He's the one.
I can feel it.
He's the one! You're drunk.
Now, isn't it nice to have someone who's not only great in bed, but who's also your intellectual equal? Just don't fuck it up this time, like you always do.
Hmm.
What if she's really not dead?! - Nate, they identified her teeth.
- Yeah, I know they did.
But what if, by some amazing coincidence, there's somebody out there who had the exact same work done to their lower jaw as Lisa? I suppose that could be possible, but I really think the chances are pretty remote.
But it could be possible, right? - Are you high? - No, I'm not, not anymore.
Maybe you should just, like, stay in tonight and try to chill out.
Okay? I've to go.
I've got a date with the Matthew Barney of LAC Arts.
Even though I'm so not the Bjork of LAC Arts.
All the chicks are hatched and fluffy now.
Listen to them cheep cheep cheep.
Cheep cheep cheep cheep.
Make the chick sound, cheep cheep cheep.
Hi, baby, I made some Asopao.
Are you hungry? Oh, damn.
I had a sandwich at work.
Where are the kids? Gusto's in bed, Julio's spending the night over at Charlie's house.
Hmm.
I love you, Vanessa.
I know that.
Tell me what you'd like.
I like you.
No, tell me what you like me to do.
Uh, just do whatever you want, and I'll let you know how it works out for me.
Why won't you tell me? Look, I don't have, like, a checklist I need to go through.
Do you like to have your nipples played with? Not if we have to talk about it! How else am I supposed to know what to do here, Claire? Are you telling me you don't? Okay, maybe we should just go to the movie.
Maybe I should just go home.
All right.
You're never gonna learn anything, sweetie.
Not in that program.
How could you possibly learn about counseling in 18 months? Well, after a lifetime of learning how not to do things, maybe I'm a little ahead of the game.
I just still can't believe you're planning on becoming a shrink.
The irony.
It's superb.
The real irony is that shrinks are who we hire to straighten out our lives, but invariably, they're the ones who are the most fucked up.
I mean, twisted.
- Demonic.
- Ooh.
Well, then it makes absolute sense that Brenda would become one.
Oh, honey, come on now.
You're never gonna be a good shrink without a sense of humor.
Do you think you're a good shrink? I think I'm a very good shrink.
- Does that mean you're very fucked up? - Abso-fucking-lutely.
Mm, you have no idea.
Darling, do you ever hear from Nate? Yeah, actually, we saw him last night.
He's still grieving.
Oh, he showed us pictures of his daughter.
Oh my God, she's so beautiful.
Those eyes, so open and trusting.
It's mind-boggling to think that we were all like that once.
I get it! Now this makes sense.
You want a baby! Where did that come from? You are getting a little long in the tooth, you know.
This would be the time.
Aw, Brenda's feeling eggy.
Okay, well, it's time for us to go.
- Nice meeting you.
- Nice meeting you, Jim.
I hope you're up for the challenge of my daughter.
I am.
I am.
It's Joe, not Jim.
Bye, see you in a few years.
Terrible evening.
What? What time is it? Time for you to stop keeping things from me! Oh, Ruth.
It sounds absurd when you talk like that.
Okay.
I was just a grad student, and I accidentally knocked up a young woman from a very wealthy family.
I offered to marry her.
Her family was dead set against it, so I signed something, and we both went on with our lives.
What was I supposed to do? You've never even seen this child? Oh yeah, I've seen him.
He tracked me down a couple of years ago.
He was living in some motel over in Burbank.
And? I didn't particularly care for him.
As a matter of fact, I found him very unpleasant.
And I assumed he never wanted to see me again.
Why?! Because he said, "I don't ever want to see you again.
" Where are you going? I'm going to the bathroom.
George, how can you I just don't see how I feel like I don't know you at all.
Ruth, please.
Don't blow this all out of proportion.
It's not good for either one of us.
Oh, God.
- Hello? - Nate? - Barb? - It's Lisa.
Where are you? I don't know.
They won't tell me.
Well, who won't tell you? Nate, the number three is not important.
Wait, what? You buried me.
How could you bury me? I thought that's what you wanted.
But I'm not dead.
I don't think it's healthy, being so disconnected from your own son.
That's why I called him this morning, and told him to be expecting us shortly past noon.
I'm lucky his number was in you address book You looked in address book without asking me? - Ruth! - This is important to me, George.
I do not ask you for many things.
All right.
- You look terrible.
- I feel terrible.
I'm worried about you.
You're not taking very good care of yourself.
I'm doing the best I can, Mom.
You pointing out the ways I'm failing doesn't necessarily help.
I'll be waiting for you in the car.
Nate, can I ask you something? Now may not be the best time, George.
Has your mother always been so anxious about everything? Pretty much.
She's gotten a lot better since you two got married.
How'd you deal with her? I moved away when I was 17.
For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself.
For if we live, we live unto the Lord.
And if we die, we die unto the Lord.
Whether we live therefore or die, we are the Lord's.
Blessed be the dead who die in the Lord.
Even so sayeth the spirit, for they rest from their labors.
What?! That's not a very nice way to answer the phone.
This is starting to get weird, okay? You are not my wife.
I know that.
And I do not want you calling me all the time.
You got that? Of course, I'm sorry.
I didn't think that I I don't ever wanna be a problem for you.
George, I have a question for you, and I want you to answer me honestly.
Ruth, I get the feeling you think I haven't been honest with you, but I always have.
I just don't want to burden you with things that don't matter, that's all.
That's what I would want from you.
What did you want to ask me? I have no idea.
We just wanted to thank you.
Of course.
Seriously, man, thanks.
Jen told me how she unleashed on you.
I think she really needed to do that.
She's been doing it to me, mostly.
Which was just making it harder for him to be there for me.
Yes, that's a scenario I'm familiar with.
The funeral was awesome.
I think the old guy would have really liked it.
Okay, I'll go get the car.
Okay, thanks, hon.
I'm sorry.
I said some pretty terrible things about you.
- Most of which were true.
- No, David.
I know it was hard for you too, probably even harder than it was for me.
You're doing it again.
Making it easy for me.
Some things never change.
Yeah, well, some things need to.
So why didn't you just tell him what you wanted? Um, because there was absolutely no way.
I mean, it would just be too ew.
Seriously, you would do that? - Of course.
- Yeah.
Otherwise they'll never figure it out for themselves, no matter how much porn star screaming I do.
I just wish they knew how to do it on their own.
It's so embarrassing.
Well, that's why girls are better.
They know.
No, thanks.
I love you, but I'm not into eating pussy, okay? I tried it once.
It was, eh, not for me.
So I'll just have to keep telling stupid guys point blank, - lick my clit while you finger me.
- Oh my God! But, okay, last year, I went out with this guy Phil.
He was so hot, and he was like so totally into sex, I mean, we were always fucking, I mean, like always.
But every time he would, you know, go down on me, it was like there was this unspoken time limit.
Like I knew that just when it was starting to get good for me, he was gonna look up at me with these lobster eyes, like, "Can I come up now?" So what makes you come? I don't know.
The usual stuff.
Why are we talking about this? Maybe you've never had an orgasm.
Of course I've had an orgasm.
Because if you had, you wouldn't be embarrassed about asking for more tongue time.
Could I have really never had an orgasm? I've definitely felt a surge of desire.
And then you know a sort of relief of that desire.
Oh my God, Claire.
Have you never even rubbed one out? - You don't masturbate? - I don't find it that interesting! You know, Claire, we could show you how to give yourself an orgasm right now if you want.
Um, hello, not lesbians.
I really don't think it's possible that I've never had an orgasm.
Well, if you haven't, you're seriously missing out.
I'd like to say George has told me a lot about you, but he really hasn't told me anything at all.
That's because he doesn't know anything about me.
I know you hate me, and you seem to blame me for everything you don't like about your life.
Why is he here? Oh, this was your idea.
- Well - Of course it was her idea.
You made it perfectly clear you never wanted to see me again.
I didn't! Thanks.
Kyle, look, we can't change the past.
But maybe we can start fresh, if you're willing You know what you can't do.
You can't walk in here and start saying this is this, and that is that, like you're God! Because you know what? You're not God.
You're not even close.
I want all deliveries of excrement to our house to cease! Yeah, well, I want there to be world peace, but I don't see that happening either.
Why the hell are you so angry at me? It's your mother you should be angry at and your grandparents.
What is it, you find my shit offensive? No.
I find it childish and hostile.
And I'm completely baffled at the timing.
I mean, why now? Because my therapist says I need to express my true feelings to you.
This is a goddamn waste of time.
George, please.
Are you all right, Kyle? - Do you need anything? - Like what? I don't know.
Clothing, underwear, socks? No.
Would you like a cappuccino from my $7500 espresso machine, which I bought so I would never have to leave this motel room, because I'm so fucking twisted thanks to you-know-who? Thank you, yes, I'd love a cappuccino.
I was kidding.
I don't even know how to work it yet.
Well, we could all go to Starbucks.
I feel so "Sharon Stone.
" Do people still do these things when they've had kids? Yeah, some people do, and some people don't.
I once walked in on my parents.
My father was rubbing a rolling pin over my mother's breasts.
Is that something you'd like for me to do for you? Uh, no, thank you.
But I mean, that fucked me up more than if they'd just been fucking in front of us.
Which they also did, by the way.
I'm sorry.
- That was fun.
- No, it wasn't.
Kyle deliberately spilled his frappuccino all over me.
No, it was just that he was so nervous being out in the world.
Oh, my heart goes out to him.
He lives in a motel! Only because he's too damn lazy to change his own sheets.
Ruth, his mother's family comes from major money, old, old money.
He doesn't need us.
Children need more from their parents than money! It's unfortunate that I was cut out of his life, but the fact remains I was cut out of his life.
And that's not gonna change.
He seemed so lonely.
Maybe we should invite him to dinner.
Yeah, sure.
Why not? Hey, how was the funeral? It was "Awesome.
The old guy would have liked it.
" Mmm, what's this? That? That's The Rock.
I would definitely tap that ass.
I'm still not out at work.
Yeah, so? I thought you were kinda pushing me to come out.
I don't care about that anymore.
It's boring.
And I'd rather not fight.
Okay.
Did you have fun? Huh, did you have fun? She had a blast.
I can really see Lisa in her, Nate.
Yeah.
Listen, Barb, I need to tell you something.
I, uh I went to a psychic.
Uh-huh.
Was that helpful? She said Lisa's still alive.
Jesus Christ.
I don't believe this.
What's wrong with you, Nate? Do you need help? Because if you do, you should get it and not from a fucking psychic.
I want to have kids too.
Or just one or, uh, or several.
And I want to have them it with you.
I mean, I never really saw myself as, or I never really thought it was possible, but somehow ever since we've met everything seems
No, it's my fault.
Nothing is anybody's fault.
Well, good night.
You're beautiful.
David Fisher.
Oh my God, David, is that you? I'm sorry, can you hold on just a second? - Hello? - David? - Yeah? - It's Jennifer.
- Hi.
- My father's been killed! Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
How did it happen? He was struck by lightning.
Do you think you can handle it? Yeah, of course we'll take care of it.
- David, are you okay? - No, that's just - You sound - Hold on, it's just it's my mouth guard, so I don't grind my teeth when I sleep.
What the fuck? - Jennifer's father died.
- I can't believe it.
I hope she's married.
That way I won't have to feel so guilty for wasting almost two years of her life.
Every woman needs to go through falling in love with a gay man.
It's a total female rite of passage.
What about Claire and what's-his-face? Keith, don't you ever tell her I told you about that.
I'm serious.
Just like every gay man goes through a period where he tries to be straight.
I don't think that's a requirement anymore.
We were the last generation that did that.
What about Claire and what's-his-face? So I'm back on Celeste duty today.
Another talk show? Some rehearsal for some charity tomorrow.
What should I wear? Mm, uh, Helmut Lang jeans, a black t-shirt, the faded Banana Republic one with the stretch, and black lace-up boots.
David, this is a profession, okay? There is an image to project.
And that image isn't fucking Keith of Finland.
Are you not out on the job? No one's ever asked.
You big whore.
What, it's not like I'm only defined by being gay.
I'm defined by being a lot of things.
Being black, being American, being Busted? You broke up with me because I was not out! Yeah, to your family.
I don't expect you to come out to every person who walks through the funeral home.
Nor do I expect you to come out to every client you have, whether it's Celeste or Cameron Diaz or lan fucking McKellen.
- But the people you work with - Calm down.
I'm not the enemy.
I'm your lover.
Thanks, Barb, she's never been before.
Seriously, you've never taken Maya to LEGOLAND? No.
She was too young for it until, basically, now? I used to love to play with those blocks when I was a kid.
Didn't you? Does Maya love them? Too young, small parts, choking? Oh, dear, she's still that orally fixated.
Well, no wonder, she was still breast-feeding when Yeah.
- Hey.
- Hey! She just keeps getting bigger every day.
Yeah, kids kinda do that.
You got me.
Oh, thanks.
- Uncle Nate? - Yeah? Could you be sure and give this to David? Yeah, sure.
Okay.
- Tell him that it's from Michaela.
- Right.
Okay, so we'll drop her off on Sunday around 6:00 or so.
Hey, listen, you guys, thanks so much for doing this.
If there's anything you ever need that l Well, yeah, we do need I guess, what, Hoyt? maybe 120.
For you know, Maya's share of the hotel, and the parking, and the restaurants Stroller rental.
Of course, yeah.
Uh, look, could you just take her? Does Maya like to swim? Yeah, yeah, she loves it.
She loves it.
Here you go.
Say goodbye to Daddy, honey.
Hey, bye, baby girl.
I love you.
Have a good time.
Nate, are you doing okay? Yeah, you know it comes and goes.
I can appreciate the attempt, but I think it looks like something you'd see on a calendar, like in some bargain bin somewhere, like three months after the new year.
Can you be a little more harsh? No, it's obviously a stylish calendar, in an upscale store Okay, so this piece is no good.
Let's move on.
I think the question is not so much is this piece good? I would rather we ask is this piece successful? Yeah, well, this is America, successful equals good.
Successful in achieving its intention.
Anita what was your intent with this piece? I don't know.
I liked the way the light was hitting her head.
Do we have to go into every piece knowing exactly what it means? No, but surely it ended up meaning something to you, or you wouldn't have brought it into class.
Oh.
I can't believe this! I thought Arthur was merely eccentric.
I had no idea he was seriously disturbed.
Kinda brings new meaning to the term "dump truck," huh? # You're just a legend in your own mind, aren't ya? # Stop marking it, Sammy! # You're never ever gonna be mine, are ya? # Ugh! Sloppy.
You guys blow! Hey, Javier.
How many of those guys you think she fucked? Man, them faggots are too busy fucking each other - to ever work her in.
- Right? Yo, K, what's up? You coming on the road with us next month? I'm still waiting to hear.
Johnny, you suck! Jennifer, I'm so terribly sorry.
David, this is my fiancé Greg Sutton.
Hi, Greg.
I'm glad to meet you.
- Yeah, me too.
- Shall we? He'd been depressed for years, ever since my mom divorced him.
Well, you remember.
Yes.
Will your mother be coming to the funeral? No, she's in a nursing home.
You're kidding.
She's so young.
Honey, I don't mean to rush you, but I've gotta be back on the site by noon at the latest.
So what's going on tour like? All right, the thing about Celeste every concert's packed with teenage girls fucking horny out of their minds.
You know what I'm saying? You better make sure you're checking I.
D.
s or you'll find your ass in jail.
Naw, you just got to make sure you don't videotape nothing.
What, you married? No, not married, but we live together.
Don't do it.
I'm on number three, and I can't seem to fucking learn.
I don't want to play myself.
I wanna play someone ugly or fat.
Something that'll show I can be a serious actress.
Hey, you mind if I ask you a personal question? If I do, I won't answer it.
How many times a week do you get your pole wet? What? I'm curious.
It averages out, I guess, to about five or six times a week.
Damn.
You don't need to go on tour.
What about you? Once.
Twice if I'm lucky or if I buy her something.
That's not good.
That is so motherfuckin' not good.
See if you can at least get some free clothes out of it.
These two great black balls of male erotic fury go to explode on one another.
That's when everything started.
From those cave paintings, that was the creation of the idea of "image," of the representation of ourselves.
Exactly, and that's when we stopped living inside nature, and started living inside our heads.
Yeah, which is why we can just sit back and watch while greedy corporate Bush-suckers destroy nature, since we're no longer a part of it.
If you take humans out of nature, then all that you're left with is human nature.
Okay, that sounds really good, but what the fuck does that mean? Oh, Olivier! That's no doubt his new assistant.
I heard you fucked him.
No! I did not fuck him.
So why did you have to be so mean during my crit, you bitch? Or was that just the new Claire Fisher? There's a new Claire Fisher? What was wrong with the old one? She just waited around for the world to happen to her.
- Hey, Jimmy.
- What the fuck?! Oh, God, I sorry.
I thought that was going to be like a charming moment, - but now you want to kill me.
- No way.
What good would my life be without you? Oh shut up.
So, Claire Fisher.
Yes, Jimmy.
I'm not exactly sure I know what your last name is.
I would love to hang out with you.
Say when.
Okay, you are verging dangerously close on being smarmy.
You still haven't answered my question.
I could come over tomorrow afternoon, but I have to be home by 7:00 at the latest.
No! That's hardly any time with you at all! And Nicole misses you.
Well, I miss Nicole too, but I have kids of my own, Sophia.
Federico, did Arthur leave some sort of forwarding address? Uh, no, I don't think so.
Vanessa, I'm gonna have to call you back, okay, sweetie? Vanessa? Oh no, he didn't.
He's engaged in a campaign of harassment against this family! Ruth, I wish you'd let this go.
I have no intention of letting it go.
I have a good mind to get the authorities involved.
That's never a good idea.
What have you got here? Male, 60s, struck by lightning.
Oh.
What exactly happens to a person when they get struck by lightning? Well, cardiac arrest is what kills 'em, but their insides get fried wherever the current goes.
Which in this case, was his right arm and left leg, hence the separate embalming.
So he becomes sort of a human fulgurite, as it were.
Federico, I need to get in touch with Arthur! Surely there's some way of tracing him.
Ruth, calm down! Fine.
I'll just resign myself to receiving excrement in the mail for the rest of my days on this earth.
You little shit! I'm starting to lose patience with all your "sensitive man" bullshit.
You're not sensitive.
You're a fucking eunuch.
A castrato.
- Castrato, I like that.
- You little shit, you don't make jokes! You take this seriously.
I'd flip you over and spank your candy ass till it bled if I didn't think you'd like it so much.
I won't, I promise I won't like it.
Nice try.
Huh.
I wonder who that is.
Hey, shut the door.
What, you don't want somebody to see you all tied up like this? Too bad, because I want the whole world to see what a twisted sister you are.
Freak.
- Hey.
- Hi.
I thought you might be up for grabbing a movie or a bite or something? Oh.
Maya's with her Aunt Barb.
They went to LEGOLAND.
I'm going kinda stir-crazy.
I just need to be with somebody, I think.
I just ordered out for pizza.
That's who I thought you were, the pizza guy.
I like pizza.
Um - Bad timing.
- Mm-hmm.
Well, I guess I should have called.
No, Nate stay.
You can meet him.
Okay.
Just give me a few minutes.
I just don't know if he's the right guy for her.
At least he has sex with her.
I had sex with her.
Right, you're the stud because you've had sex with more women than I have.
Wow, you're like, almost heterosexual.
What's up with you? I don't know.
It's weird at work.
I feel like Sarah Jane from "lmitation of Life.
" That makes me Troy Donahue.
Okay, this fits.
But there's this side of me that feels all puffed up because everybody thinks I'm straight.
It's like I feel like I'm How fucked up is that? In a culture that consistently puffs up men for being straight? Not very.
But, Keith, you have to come out.
David, that's my decision.
You are the last person I ever expected to turn into a self-loathing homo.
Wait, I'll get that.
Keith Charles.
Duane, what up? I know Two venti soy lattes.
Yeah, later.
Bitch.
Just because I'm the new guy, I'm their fucking waitress? Now I can't answer the phone in my own house? No, don't be silly.
I'll just make sure they always call me on my cell.
David, look if they take me on tour, I can make 100 fucking bucks an hour, okay? And that's for us! Hi, you've reached David and Keith, but we can't come to the phone right now because we're too gay.
So after watching this thing, like, 100 times I decide I'm gonna do the scarecrow for her.
So I'm dancing around, doing the thing and throwing myself around like a ragdoll and she's laughing her head off.
The next thing I know she starts doing the same thing.
She's throwing herself around and I can just see her cracking her head open on the edge of a coffee table or something, and that's how you go from feeling like you're Super Dad to the village fucking idiot.
Parenthood is just such a huge fucking responsibility.
Aren't you ever, you know, terrified? Yeah, but I just remind myself that some things in my life I just don't have any power over, and I never will.
You know, because fear is no good.
Fear can take over your life.
I still feel like Lisa's around pushing me to move on, wants me to But you can't.
You can't rush it.
Uh, I should go.
- Oh.
- Nice to meet you, Joe.
Yeah, you too.
Take care.
- Are you all right to drive? - Yeah yeah.
I can't believe I was the only one drinking.
You guys make me feel like such a lowlife.
Well, be good to yourself.
Yeah, okay, I will.
That guy is seriously wounded.
I want to put one of those lampshades around his head, you know, like they put on dogs so they don't chew their stitches.
I know.
I felt like I couldn't turn him away.
Sorry.
No no no no, I love having your ex-boyfriend invited in when I'm trussed up in the other room like a Christmas ham.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
That's hot.
Really? That's very hot.
Hey, buddy.
Well, hello.
Whatcha doin'? So long.
What is it? Hey, buddy boy.
What's up, huh? How ya doin', huh? What are you doing, huh? Lisa? Uh-oh, incoming.
- Is Celeste in there? - Who wants to know? Nancy Freymire.
I'm chairwoman of this event.
Please, stand back from the door.
- Hi, Celeste, I'm - We have a problem.
- I know.
That's why I'm here - I bring my own hair and makeup people.
It's in my contract.
Yes, but we were unaware that there would be a $3,000 fee Hey, these people work hard.
We're actually trying to raise money for people with anticoagulative blood disorders.
Right, and that's why I'm here for free.
I'm totally committed to this.
Lucien and Phyllis, however, are not as rich as I am and therefore, cannot afford to work for free.
Perhaps a more reasonable This problem needs to be resolved before I go on stage, all right? Otherwise, I don't.
Fine, but might I just say I think you're a gigantic bitch, and I will no longer allow my daughters to listen to your music? I'm sorry.
You're either trying to weasel out of what you agreed to, or were too stupid to even read it, and I'm the bitch? Trollop.
Jesus, some people are tense.
- Keith? - That's right.
You peed in my john.
I did, and I apologize.
I used to be a cop.
I'm kinda new to this.
I'm a little weird about my bathroom.
What the hell is so funny? Sorry, I can't hear you you got your head so far up Celeste's ass.
It is not! Tsk.
Good boy.
I've been expecting you.
I have many messages for you.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah? What's my name? They don't tell me your name, just that you've lost a lot, and that your heart has been broken.
Yeah, who's "they"? An older man who watches over you, your father? Your grandfather? He was very unhappy in life.
The other one is a woman, I think.
I can't be sure.
Sit! Ahhhh.
You have a lot to work out in this life.
Too much for one life.
You will have many lives.
Right.
Listen, I think I oughta go, no offense.
I just think this is a huge ball of crap, so She's not gone.
She's trying to get to you.
She just doesn't know how.
She's Who is? I see a woman.
I see water.
She thinks you stopped loving her.
But I only started loving her I wanted to love her the way she deserved to be loved.
- You still can.
- She's dead.
She isn't dead.
She's trying to get back to you.
She loves you.
- I don't know what to say to you.
- Well, just - What can I do? - You're completely embarrassing me.
If you could even try to understand what I'm going through I am trying, but it's never enough! My older brother dies when I'm 10, my mother develops Alzheimer's really early, the love of my life turns out to be gay, and my dad gets struck by lightning.
Why did all this happen to me? I don't know.
But I do know that you Don't you fucking take my hand.
Are you serious? You fucking broke my heart and stomped on it.
And I was such a fucking idiot, I went out of my way to make it easier for you?! Because you wanted to suck cock! I was so fucking in love with you, you fucking sadist! You make me sick! I hate that you're gay.
I fucking hate it.
You don't hate that I'm gay.
You hate that I lied to you.
You should hate that.
I lied to myself too.
Are you sure you like it? How could I not like the first piece of furniture we purchased together as a couple? lt'll be nice to have a place to display my rock collection.
I spoke to a lawyer today about pressing charges against Arthur.
Oh, shit.
Look, Ruth, Arthur never sent us any excrement.
- Then who did? - My son.
That toy truck was something I bought him.
It's the only thing I ever bought him actually, before he was even born.
- Brian? - Kyle.
I thought your son's name was Brian.
I have another son.
Why have you never told me this? Because he's never really been part of my life.
If he's sending us shit in the mail, - he's a part of your life.
- No, he isn't.
I was very young.
His mother and I never even married.
Her family didn't think I was suitable.
- So you just left? - He wasn't born yet.
I was very young.
Nobody wanted me to be a part of his life.
Are there other wives you've neglected to tell me about? No! Of course not.
Art is just a sentimental construct to alleviate our fear of death.
No, there's no way to even determine what it is that makes art art, much less to teach it.
It's a goddamn illusion that anyone can be taught anything.
I mean, yes, we can all be conditioned up the wazoo, but to really learn something, something important? That always comes from within.
The cunt has spoken.
Now the world sits in silence.
So, why do you teach art then? Why? Because I need the goddamn paycheck.
No, you don't, baby.
Bern left me very well taken care of.
All you have to do is just keep making paintings and I'll keep buying them.
Did you know Olivier taught my son? - No.
- I'm hot for teacher.
Drink more, Mom.
Oh, darling, don't you want to try the Shiraz? It's delicious.
No, I'm good.
I read in the paper about a student who allowed some corporation to tattoo its logo on his forehead, and in exchange they paid for his education.
What the hell is that? I imagine it's an education for someone who wouldn't normally be able to pay for it himself.
It's way more than that.
My students are all in such a mad rush to become commodities.
But that's always been true of artists.
Where is your bathroom? Straight through there, to the left.
It's him! He's the one.
I can feel it.
He's the one! You're drunk.
Now, isn't it nice to have someone who's not only great in bed, but who's also your intellectual equal? Just don't fuck it up this time, like you always do.
Hmm.
What if she's really not dead?! - Nate, they identified her teeth.
- Yeah, I know they did.
But what if, by some amazing coincidence, there's somebody out there who had the exact same work done to their lower jaw as Lisa? I suppose that could be possible, but I really think the chances are pretty remote.
But it could be possible, right? - Are you high? - No, I'm not, not anymore.
Maybe you should just, like, stay in tonight and try to chill out.
Okay? I've to go.
I've got a date with the Matthew Barney of LAC Arts.
Even though I'm so not the Bjork of LAC Arts.
All the chicks are hatched and fluffy now.
Listen to them cheep cheep cheep.
Cheep cheep cheep cheep.
Make the chick sound, cheep cheep cheep.
Hi, baby, I made some Asopao.
Are you hungry? Oh, damn.
I had a sandwich at work.
Where are the kids? Gusto's in bed, Julio's spending the night over at Charlie's house.
Hmm.
I love you, Vanessa.
I know that.
Tell me what you'd like.
I like you.
No, tell me what you like me to do.
Uh, just do whatever you want, and I'll let you know how it works out for me.
Why won't you tell me? Look, I don't have, like, a checklist I need to go through.
Do you like to have your nipples played with? Not if we have to talk about it! How else am I supposed to know what to do here, Claire? Are you telling me you don't? Okay, maybe we should just go to the movie.
Maybe I should just go home.
All right.
You're never gonna learn anything, sweetie.
Not in that program.
How could you possibly learn about counseling in 18 months? Well, after a lifetime of learning how not to do things, maybe I'm a little ahead of the game.
I just still can't believe you're planning on becoming a shrink.
The irony.
It's superb.
The real irony is that shrinks are who we hire to straighten out our lives, but invariably, they're the ones who are the most fucked up.
I mean, twisted.
- Demonic.
- Ooh.
Well, then it makes absolute sense that Brenda would become one.
Oh, honey, come on now.
You're never gonna be a good shrink without a sense of humor.
Do you think you're a good shrink? I think I'm a very good shrink.
- Does that mean you're very fucked up? - Abso-fucking-lutely.
Mm, you have no idea.
Darling, do you ever hear from Nate? Yeah, actually, we saw him last night.
He's still grieving.
Oh, he showed us pictures of his daughter.
Oh my God, she's so beautiful.
Those eyes, so open and trusting.
It's mind-boggling to think that we were all like that once.
I get it! Now this makes sense.
You want a baby! Where did that come from? You are getting a little long in the tooth, you know.
This would be the time.
Aw, Brenda's feeling eggy.
Okay, well, it's time for us to go.
- Nice meeting you.
- Nice meeting you, Jim.
I hope you're up for the challenge of my daughter.
I am.
I am.
It's Joe, not Jim.
Bye, see you in a few years.
Terrible evening.
What? What time is it? Time for you to stop keeping things from me! Oh, Ruth.
It sounds absurd when you talk like that.
Okay.
I was just a grad student, and I accidentally knocked up a young woman from a very wealthy family.
I offered to marry her.
Her family was dead set against it, so I signed something, and we both went on with our lives.
What was I supposed to do? You've never even seen this child? Oh yeah, I've seen him.
He tracked me down a couple of years ago.
He was living in some motel over in Burbank.
And? I didn't particularly care for him.
As a matter of fact, I found him very unpleasant.
And I assumed he never wanted to see me again.
Why?! Because he said, "I don't ever want to see you again.
" Where are you going? I'm going to the bathroom.
George, how can you I just don't see how I feel like I don't know you at all.
Ruth, please.
Don't blow this all out of proportion.
It's not good for either one of us.
Oh, God.
- Hello? - Nate? - Barb? - It's Lisa.
Where are you? I don't know.
They won't tell me.
Well, who won't tell you? Nate, the number three is not important.
Wait, what? You buried me.
How could you bury me? I thought that's what you wanted.
But I'm not dead.
I don't think it's healthy, being so disconnected from your own son.
That's why I called him this morning, and told him to be expecting us shortly past noon.
I'm lucky his number was in you address book You looked in address book without asking me? - Ruth! - This is important to me, George.
I do not ask you for many things.
All right.
- You look terrible.
- I feel terrible.
I'm worried about you.
You're not taking very good care of yourself.
I'm doing the best I can, Mom.
You pointing out the ways I'm failing doesn't necessarily help.
I'll be waiting for you in the car.
Nate, can I ask you something? Now may not be the best time, George.
Has your mother always been so anxious about everything? Pretty much.
She's gotten a lot better since you two got married.
How'd you deal with her? I moved away when I was 17.
For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself.
For if we live, we live unto the Lord.
And if we die, we die unto the Lord.
Whether we live therefore or die, we are the Lord's.
Blessed be the dead who die in the Lord.
Even so sayeth the spirit, for they rest from their labors.
What?! That's not a very nice way to answer the phone.
This is starting to get weird, okay? You are not my wife.
I know that.
And I do not want you calling me all the time.
You got that? Of course, I'm sorry.
I didn't think that I I don't ever wanna be a problem for you.
George, I have a question for you, and I want you to answer me honestly.
Ruth, I get the feeling you think I haven't been honest with you, but I always have.
I just don't want to burden you with things that don't matter, that's all.
That's what I would want from you.
What did you want to ask me? I have no idea.
We just wanted to thank you.
Of course.
Seriously, man, thanks.
Jen told me how she unleashed on you.
I think she really needed to do that.
She's been doing it to me, mostly.
Which was just making it harder for him to be there for me.
Yes, that's a scenario I'm familiar with.
The funeral was awesome.
I think the old guy would have really liked it.
Okay, I'll go get the car.
Okay, thanks, hon.
I'm sorry.
I said some pretty terrible things about you.
- Most of which were true.
- No, David.
I know it was hard for you too, probably even harder than it was for me.
You're doing it again.
Making it easy for me.
Some things never change.
Yeah, well, some things need to.
So why didn't you just tell him what you wanted? Um, because there was absolutely no way.
I mean, it would just be too ew.
Seriously, you would do that? - Of course.
- Yeah.
Otherwise they'll never figure it out for themselves, no matter how much porn star screaming I do.
I just wish they knew how to do it on their own.
It's so embarrassing.
Well, that's why girls are better.
They know.
No, thanks.
I love you, but I'm not into eating pussy, okay? I tried it once.
It was, eh, not for me.
So I'll just have to keep telling stupid guys point blank, - lick my clit while you finger me.
- Oh my God! But, okay, last year, I went out with this guy Phil.
He was so hot, and he was like so totally into sex, I mean, we were always fucking, I mean, like always.
But every time he would, you know, go down on me, it was like there was this unspoken time limit.
Like I knew that just when it was starting to get good for me, he was gonna look up at me with these lobster eyes, like, "Can I come up now?" So what makes you come? I don't know.
The usual stuff.
Why are we talking about this? Maybe you've never had an orgasm.
Of course I've had an orgasm.
Because if you had, you wouldn't be embarrassed about asking for more tongue time.
Could I have really never had an orgasm? I've definitely felt a surge of desire.
And then you know a sort of relief of that desire.
Oh my God, Claire.
Have you never even rubbed one out? - You don't masturbate? - I don't find it that interesting! You know, Claire, we could show you how to give yourself an orgasm right now if you want.
Um, hello, not lesbians.
I really don't think it's possible that I've never had an orgasm.
Well, if you haven't, you're seriously missing out.
I'd like to say George has told me a lot about you, but he really hasn't told me anything at all.
That's because he doesn't know anything about me.
I know you hate me, and you seem to blame me for everything you don't like about your life.
Why is he here? Oh, this was your idea.
- Well - Of course it was her idea.
You made it perfectly clear you never wanted to see me again.
I didn't! Thanks.
Kyle, look, we can't change the past.
But maybe we can start fresh, if you're willing You know what you can't do.
You can't walk in here and start saying this is this, and that is that, like you're God! Because you know what? You're not God.
You're not even close.
I want all deliveries of excrement to our house to cease! Yeah, well, I want there to be world peace, but I don't see that happening either.
Why the hell are you so angry at me? It's your mother you should be angry at and your grandparents.
What is it, you find my shit offensive? No.
I find it childish and hostile.
And I'm completely baffled at the timing.
I mean, why now? Because my therapist says I need to express my true feelings to you.
This is a goddamn waste of time.
George, please.
Are you all right, Kyle? - Do you need anything? - Like what? I don't know.
Clothing, underwear, socks? No.
Would you like a cappuccino from my $7500 espresso machine, which I bought so I would never have to leave this motel room, because I'm so fucking twisted thanks to you-know-who? Thank you, yes, I'd love a cappuccino.
I was kidding.
I don't even know how to work it yet.
Well, we could all go to Starbucks.
I feel so "Sharon Stone.
" Do people still do these things when they've had kids? Yeah, some people do, and some people don't.
I once walked in on my parents.
My father was rubbing a rolling pin over my mother's breasts.
Is that something you'd like for me to do for you? Uh, no, thank you.
But I mean, that fucked me up more than if they'd just been fucking in front of us.
Which they also did, by the way.
I'm sorry.
- That was fun.
- No, it wasn't.
Kyle deliberately spilled his frappuccino all over me.
No, it was just that he was so nervous being out in the world.
Oh, my heart goes out to him.
He lives in a motel! Only because he's too damn lazy to change his own sheets.
Ruth, his mother's family comes from major money, old, old money.
He doesn't need us.
Children need more from their parents than money! It's unfortunate that I was cut out of his life, but the fact remains I was cut out of his life.
And that's not gonna change.
He seemed so lonely.
Maybe we should invite him to dinner.
Yeah, sure.
Why not? Hey, how was the funeral? It was "Awesome.
The old guy would have liked it.
" Mmm, what's this? That? That's The Rock.
I would definitely tap that ass.
I'm still not out at work.
Yeah, so? I thought you were kinda pushing me to come out.
I don't care about that anymore.
It's boring.
And I'd rather not fight.
Okay.
Did you have fun? Huh, did you have fun? She had a blast.
I can really see Lisa in her, Nate.
Yeah.
Listen, Barb, I need to tell you something.
I, uh I went to a psychic.
Uh-huh.
Was that helpful? She said Lisa's still alive.
Jesus Christ.
I don't believe this.
What's wrong with you, Nate? Do you need help? Because if you do, you should get it and not from a fucking psychic.
I want to have kids too.
Or just one or, uh, or several.
And I want to have them it with you.
I mean, I never really saw myself as, or I never really thought it was possible, but somehow ever since we've met everything seems