Superjail! (2007) s04e04 Episode Script
The Superjail Inquisitor
[ Gulping .]
Ooh! [ Grumbling .]
[ Grunting .]
[ Frog croaking .]
Ugh! Wah! [ Camera shutters clicking .]
[ Gunshots .]
[ Grumbling .]
[ Screaming .]
Ugh! Uh, wha? [ Screaming .]
[ Groans .]
[ Camera shutters clicking .]
Ah! [ Beeping, whirring .]
Aah! Aah! Ugh! Aah! [ Camera shutters clicking .]
[ Groans .]
[ Camera shutters clicking .]
[ Shrieks .]
[ Inmates laughing .]
Jared: Ah, enough gossip, you scuttlebutts! Back to reconstruction duty! [ Mechanical whirring, beeping .]
Jared: Sir, this unauthorized tabloid is-- Warden: We'll gossip later, Jared.
A little busy rebuilding a waterwheel, unless you know a better way to make rivers run.
[ Inmates screaming .]
Warden: Now mush! [ Inmates screaming .]
Aah! Aah! [ Roaring .]
Bah! Why should I humor such radical notions as "healing"? Alice: Uh hmm.
Warden: [ Gasps .]
It can't be.
It's got to be Mangle Fang.
Papa told me about him every night.
And he visits naughty boys who don't obey their daddies and gobbles them up, staining his horrible fangs red with the blood of tiny children who don't put away their goddamned toys! Jared: Sir, that's a fairy tale.
You've never seen this creature.
Warden: 'Cause I was a good little boy! But when I was asleep, Mangle Fang and I would rendezvous.
[ Growling .]
Warden: I'm good, and you're bad! Justice gobbles you up 'cause I'm big and strong! And Mangle Fang and I fix everything! Thank you, Superjail inquisitor.
Now everyone can see that Mangle Fang and justice are real as rainbows.
Reconstruction is postponed.
[ Inmates cheering .]
[ Gasping .]
[ Piranhas snarling .]
[ Shrieking .]
Ugh! We're ditching the "Man without torso" cover story.
We got to lead with the monster stuff if it gets us all a snow day! I want to help! I can do a story about space aliens! You don't help with schemes anymore, Ash.
You screw things up! But I-I just wanted to [ Voice breaking .]
help.
Oh, boy, here come the steam works.
All right, all right, geez! You get one article.
Just stop doing that.
Hooray! Aliens! Uhflaming aliens! Bad Ash! No fire! Okay.
Sorry.
[ Grunting .]
Bzz! Pow! Bzz! [ Imitating gunshots .]
[ Psychedelic music playing .]
Warden: "Fairy tale.
" As if the news could be wrong.
Jared: Sir, please say reconstruction's back on.
How can we test our damn dam if the river's not running? [ Inmates screaming .]
Warden: In Superjail? But I'm in Superjail! Jared: Lame horny aliens? Sir, this is clearly-- Warden: Your chance to witness the awesomeness of Mangle Fang! Come on.
You'll love him.
Pandering to Warden.
But slandering toward us.
Space news belongs with other space-noids.
[ Inmates screaming .]
Warden: I repeat-- all reconstruction duty is suspended as we remain on full Mangle Fang alert! Report any sightings of my savior, Mangle Fang, to your savior, me! Jared: Ugh! It's fake, sir! [ Electronic beeping .]
[ Inmates screaming .]
[ Mechanical whirring .]
[ Muffled screaming .]
Alice: Ow! It's fake, dumbass.
Warden: [ Groans .]
[ Whistles .]
[ Shrieks .]
Ach! It's a fake, nincompoop! Warden: [ Growls .]
Ooh! [ All scream .]
[ Dog barks .]
Aah! [ Screaming .]
[ Whimpering .]
Warden: Okay, I'm getting a little frustrated here.
Just who runs this Superjail Inquisitor, anyway? Ah! >>I need to know where my Mangle Fang is! Jared: Sir, this has to stop! Can't you see you're being lied too? Warden: Of course.
They're mocking me.
I've never been so insulted! Jared: Sir, no! This "creature" of yours is impossible! Nein! Alice: Come on.
I don't even care that you're wrong.
Warden: [ Laughs evilly .]
[ Shrieks .]
[ Mechanical whirring, beeping .]
Nonsense! Our horns are not lame.
And probing is the noblest of sciences.
Some worlds are so backward, they know not their left simulacra from their right Ignorance! [ Mechanical whirring .]
[ Shrieks .]
Jared: Ow! Quit it! No work duty tonight, eh, blasphemer? Too bad you don't believe.
[ Inmates screaming .]
Alice: We're screwed.
Warden: Now admit that he's real, and only then will you get to be as righteous and as well-balanced as I am.
Give yourself some credit, herr warden.
A magical made-up monster didn't give me a cushy job with limitless resources and destroyed my legs! You did! Warden: Can't you guys see I'm doing this for you? So just admit he's real and you love him and we all believe the same thing! So says the Superjail Inquisitor! Jared: Sir, I'm sorry your monster's fake, but all this doesn't mean we have to agree with you! Alice: "F" that.
I'll believe whatever.
Just get me off this -- ugh! Nope, no conversions over here.
Alice: [ Groaning .]
Warden: Look, buddy, just get on board, and everything will be cool, all right? Jared: No! You're being manipulated now, and we won't be a part of it.
Warden: Then you both leave me no choice but to continue my enhanced enlightenment techniques.
[ Inmates screaming .]
Oh, spit.
Wow.
This one got out of hand fast, eh? [ Inmates screaming .]
Aah! Aah! Warden: Wh-what is this? This can't meanI'mwrong? There's no Mangle Fang.
Mangle Fang is real! I am right about everything! This sector spreads lies about its aliens.
My blood-horns are engorged with crimson fury! Engorged! Shall we say hello or remain incognito? Hmm.
We are always neat-o.
Let them be consumed by their lies! [ Electronic zapping .]
Aah! [ Gasps .]
[ Moaning .]
[ Inmates screaming .]
Bye! [ Groans .]
[ Shivering .]
[ Laughs evilly .]
[ Gasps, screams .]
[ Inmates shrieking .]
[ Electronic zapping .]
[ Both groaning .]
Do-do-do-do-do.
[ Indistinct shouting .]
Aah! Aah! [ Apes grunting .]
Do-do-do-do-do.
[ Grunting .]
[ Banjo music playing .]
[ Aliens chittering .]
Alice: [ Growls .]
Aah! Ugh! Aah! Ugh! [ Grunts .]
Aah! Aah! [ Aliens gasping .]
[ Electronic zapping .]
Jared: [ Screaming .]
Alice: Whoa.
Sweet.
[ Electronic zapping .]
[ Shrieks .]
[ All grunting .]
Eh! Aah! [ Grunting .]
Aah! [ Shrieking .]
We now possess the hunter.
Warden: Ah! [ Grunts .]
Aah! [ Unicorn whinnies .]
[ Thunder rumbling .]
[ Thunder crashing .]
[ Grunting .]
[ Groaning .]
[ Insects buzzing .]
Chirp.
Ooh! [ Grumbling .]
[ Grunting .]
[ Frog croaking .]
Ugh! Wah! [ Camera shutters clicking .]
[ Gunshots .]
[ Grumbling .]
[ Screaming .]
Ugh! Uh, wha? [ Screaming .]
[ Groans .]
[ Camera shutters clicking .]
Ah! [ Beeping, whirring .]
Aah! Aah! Ugh! Aah! [ Camera shutters clicking .]
[ Groans .]
[ Camera shutters clicking .]
[ Shrieks .]
[ Inmates laughing .]
Jared: Ah, enough gossip, you scuttlebutts! Back to reconstruction duty! [ Mechanical whirring, beeping .]
Jared: Sir, this unauthorized tabloid is-- Warden: We'll gossip later, Jared.
A little busy rebuilding a waterwheel, unless you know a better way to make rivers run.
[ Inmates screaming .]
Warden: Now mush! [ Inmates screaming .]
Aah! Aah! [ Roaring .]
Bah! Why should I humor such radical notions as "healing"? Alice: Uh hmm.
Warden: [ Gasps .]
It can't be.
It's got to be Mangle Fang.
Papa told me about him every night.
And he visits naughty boys who don't obey their daddies and gobbles them up, staining his horrible fangs red with the blood of tiny children who don't put away their goddamned toys! Jared: Sir, that's a fairy tale.
You've never seen this creature.
Warden: 'Cause I was a good little boy! But when I was asleep, Mangle Fang and I would rendezvous.
[ Growling .]
Warden: I'm good, and you're bad! Justice gobbles you up 'cause I'm big and strong! And Mangle Fang and I fix everything! Thank you, Superjail inquisitor.
Now everyone can see that Mangle Fang and justice are real as rainbows.
Reconstruction is postponed.
[ Inmates cheering .]
[ Gasping .]
[ Piranhas snarling .]
[ Shrieking .]
Ugh! We're ditching the "Man without torso" cover story.
We got to lead with the monster stuff if it gets us all a snow day! I want to help! I can do a story about space aliens! You don't help with schemes anymore, Ash.
You screw things up! But I-I just wanted to [ Voice breaking .]
help.
Oh, boy, here come the steam works.
All right, all right, geez! You get one article.
Just stop doing that.
Hooray! Aliens! Uhflaming aliens! Bad Ash! No fire! Okay.
Sorry.
[ Grunting .]
Bzz! Pow! Bzz! [ Imitating gunshots .]
[ Psychedelic music playing .]
Warden: "Fairy tale.
" As if the news could be wrong.
Jared: Sir, please say reconstruction's back on.
How can we test our damn dam if the river's not running? [ Inmates screaming .]
Warden: In Superjail? But I'm in Superjail! Jared: Lame horny aliens? Sir, this is clearly-- Warden: Your chance to witness the awesomeness of Mangle Fang! Come on.
You'll love him.
Pandering to Warden.
But slandering toward us.
Space news belongs with other space-noids.
[ Inmates screaming .]
Warden: I repeat-- all reconstruction duty is suspended as we remain on full Mangle Fang alert! Report any sightings of my savior, Mangle Fang, to your savior, me! Jared: Ugh! It's fake, sir! [ Electronic beeping .]
[ Inmates screaming .]
[ Mechanical whirring .]
[ Muffled screaming .]
Alice: Ow! It's fake, dumbass.
Warden: [ Groans .]
[ Whistles .]
[ Shrieks .]
Ach! It's a fake, nincompoop! Warden: [ Growls .]
Ooh! [ All scream .]
[ Dog barks .]
Aah! [ Screaming .]
[ Whimpering .]
Warden: Okay, I'm getting a little frustrated here.
Just who runs this Superjail Inquisitor, anyway? Ah! >>I need to know where my Mangle Fang is! Jared: Sir, this has to stop! Can't you see you're being lied too? Warden: Of course.
They're mocking me.
I've never been so insulted! Jared: Sir, no! This "creature" of yours is impossible! Nein! Alice: Come on.
I don't even care that you're wrong.
Warden: [ Laughs evilly .]
[ Shrieks .]
[ Mechanical whirring, beeping .]
Nonsense! Our horns are not lame.
And probing is the noblest of sciences.
Some worlds are so backward, they know not their left simulacra from their right Ignorance! [ Mechanical whirring .]
[ Shrieks .]
Jared: Ow! Quit it! No work duty tonight, eh, blasphemer? Too bad you don't believe.
[ Inmates screaming .]
Alice: We're screwed.
Warden: Now admit that he's real, and only then will you get to be as righteous and as well-balanced as I am.
Give yourself some credit, herr warden.
A magical made-up monster didn't give me a cushy job with limitless resources and destroyed my legs! You did! Warden: Can't you guys see I'm doing this for you? So just admit he's real and you love him and we all believe the same thing! So says the Superjail Inquisitor! Jared: Sir, I'm sorry your monster's fake, but all this doesn't mean we have to agree with you! Alice: "F" that.
I'll believe whatever.
Just get me off this -- ugh! Nope, no conversions over here.
Alice: [ Groaning .]
Warden: Look, buddy, just get on board, and everything will be cool, all right? Jared: No! You're being manipulated now, and we won't be a part of it.
Warden: Then you both leave me no choice but to continue my enhanced enlightenment techniques.
[ Inmates screaming .]
Oh, spit.
Wow.
This one got out of hand fast, eh? [ Inmates screaming .]
Aah! Aah! Warden: Wh-what is this? This can't meanI'mwrong? There's no Mangle Fang.
Mangle Fang is real! I am right about everything! This sector spreads lies about its aliens.
My blood-horns are engorged with crimson fury! Engorged! Shall we say hello or remain incognito? Hmm.
We are always neat-o.
Let them be consumed by their lies! [ Electronic zapping .]
Aah! [ Gasps .]
[ Moaning .]
[ Inmates screaming .]
Bye! [ Groans .]
[ Shivering .]
[ Laughs evilly .]
[ Gasps, screams .]
[ Inmates shrieking .]
[ Electronic zapping .]
[ Both groaning .]
Do-do-do-do-do.
[ Indistinct shouting .]
Aah! Aah! [ Apes grunting .]
Do-do-do-do-do.
[ Grunting .]
[ Banjo music playing .]
[ Aliens chittering .]
Alice: [ Growls .]
Aah! Ugh! Aah! Ugh! [ Grunts .]
Aah! Aah! [ Aliens gasping .]
[ Electronic zapping .]
Jared: [ Screaming .]
Alice: Whoa.
Sweet.
[ Electronic zapping .]
[ Shrieks .]
[ All grunting .]
Eh! Aah! [ Grunting .]
Aah! [ Shrieking .]
We now possess the hunter.
Warden: Ah! [ Grunts .]
Aah! [ Unicorn whinnies .]
[ Thunder rumbling .]
[ Thunder crashing .]
[ Grunting .]
[ Groaning .]
[ Insects buzzing .]
Chirp.