The Avengers (1961) s04e04 Episode Script

May I help you? - Yes, may I see some hats? - Certainly.
Mr.
Massey.
Our Mr.
Massey will escort you.
- Headwear, Mr.
Massey.
- Yes, sir.
Your carnation is crooked.
Kindly adjust it.
Yes, sir.
Sorry, sir.
This way, sir.
What a pleasant surprise.
- I'll just browse around the stock.
- Certainly.
Surprise? I was deep in thermodynamics And a curly brim? I'll make it a collar unless An agent was murdered, Moran.
Shot 6 times and left in an alley.
Ostentatious.
6 bullets.
He was on to something, but what? I think this cuts rather a dash.
- So what are we doing here? - This was in his pocket.
It's from Pinter's.
- Just a receipt.
- And the date? - Is a Sunday.
- Store was closed.
- Find anything, sir? - I'll take twelve of these.
Certainly.
I've got to collect something.
What department? Nineteen.
- Through there, then right.
- Thank you.
May help us discover what Moran bought.
- He had children? - No.
May I help you? - Is this department 19? - Correct.
- It's the right place.
- Of course.
- You must be very happy.
- Not exactly If you're buying a cot, Baby will enjoy this one.
Baby is too big.
Come along, dear.
Excuse us.
What would he want with a pram? - Nanny may have lost her license.
- Reckless pushing.
- That's funny.
- What? - Royal Crichton, not Old Bates.
- An easy error.
Not to anyone who knows china.
They're as different as chalk from cheese.
- Someone doesn't know his job.
- Perhaps.
Perhaps they need an assistant.
- Mrs.
Peel? - Yes.
Jarvis.
House dick.
Detective.
- Settling in okay? - Yes.
- Ever work in a store before? - No.
Watch out for those with big shopping bags, if they put it on a counter.
Get half the store in a bag like that.
Don't accept big checks without I say so.
Got it? I think so.
You'll do.
Don't worry about not knowing the ropes.
Nobody does.
May I have some help? Charming.
The Chief Predator told me "Our Mrs.
Peel is in lingerie.
" I took the stairs 3 at a time.
Merry Quips Department, 5th floor.
Our Mrs.
Peel.
Our.
Half a day and already enfolded to the communal bosom.
- Find anything? - Yes.
None of the staff are qualified.
They're not salesmen.
- Fact? - Instinct.
Interesting.
And you? Pinter's were taken over a year ago, lock, stock, and barrel by Horatio Kang.
- King Kane.
- A father of industry.
I heard some talk about the "king upstairs.
" He's here? Top of the building in a disused apartment.
- Where? - In Discontinued Lines.
- You'll fit in rather well.
- Your opinion.
Up the stairs and beyond the executive restaurant.
Extremely civil of you, madame.
Wentworth? Farrington.
There's an intruder on the top floor.
Yes, I understand.
Wentworth? - Who are you? - My name is Steed, sir.
- I don't know you.
- My company sent me.
Efficiency experts.
We improve failing businesses.
Know what you want, go and get it.
The key to power.
- You think business is failing? - I wasn't very impressed.
Really? Your staff seem to be a bit inexperienced.
But we'll put it right with your cooperation, access to records The department of Discontinued Lines.
That's what they call it.
Discontinued Lines.
Relics of a by-gone age.
Yes, sir.
A glorious age.
Gracious, leisurely, orderly.
A time for many things.
A machine was a thing of joy then, built to last a man's lifetime.
Now it's out of date before it's finished.
Rush, tear, grab and grub.
That's life today.
Out of date.
That's what they say.
This is where I belong.
A discontinued line.
The old man run down at last.
Run down They say I live for the good old days, trying to recapture them.
It's true, but only partly.
A man can possess a Michelangelo and appreciate a Picasso.
I can't compete anymore, they say.
I don't grasp modern technique.
Haven't got the grasp I'll surprise them yet.
I'll show them that Horatio Kane can still Yes, sir? How can you show them? Efficiency expert? - But you - You've got the wrong man.
I'm just a sick old man.
A foolish, sick old man.
Wentworth runs this store.
Impress him.
That's correct.
Sorry, sir.
This man had no right to come up here.
His name's Steed.
He thinks he can improve our business.
Perhaps.
After all he did get up here to see me.
This way, please.
I enjoyed our little chat.
Very enjoyable.
You should've respected procedure: Written, made an appointment.
You'd have refused.
Perhaps.
We're careful about who sees Mr.
Kane.
He's a frail man.
Susceptible.
So many people want money for dubious schemes.
We protect him.
Excuse me.
Old age can sometimes be querulous.
We do a good job, but occasionally there's a chink in our armour.
You probably used the back stairs.
We'll post a man there in the future.
Good bye.
- Good night.
- Good night.
See you tomorrow.
What is this store coming to? - What now? - I'm not invited to the staff meeting.
I told Mr.
Wentworth.
- Another one? - Third this week.
- Senior staff, like usual? - They alone.
As chief window dresser It might be just growing pains caused by the takeover.
I hope you're right.
Is 3 meetings in one week normal? - Sometimes more.
- Even Sundays? Mr.
Wentworth really works his staff hard Do they meet here? Yes, but get that idea right out of your head.
Staying on to see what happens.
Why would I? They check the store from top to bottom.
I've seen you eaves dropping, watching every little move.
You didn't come here to sale ladies' nighties.
Look, I'm with you.
Something odd's going on.
I could help you.
Nothing much escapes old Jarvis.
Besides, I've got a pass key.
Ministry of Labour.
We're suspicious but we need to know more.
Here's my number.
I'll keep my eyes open.
Good night, Mrs.
Peel.
Good night, Mr.
Farrington.
I know the feeling.
Open up.
I'm not at home.
You can't send me away.
I'm contagious.
Beriberi-myxomatosis and hard pad.
I'm wounded.
Come in.
Cyclops.
Well What happened? Discontinued Lines.
Wentworth threw me out.
I've the remedy.
I may lodge a complaint.
They're hiding something.
Jarvis thinks so.
House dick.
He's agreed to help.
Cheers.
I expected a larger glass.
- It's only a tiny bruise.
- Tiny! - What's that? - A molecular construction.
So that's what hit me.
I feel as if I had two heads.
Have you room? Some administering angel.
I am grievously hurt - - Bruised.
- My pride was hurt.
You've been thrown out before.
From the best places.
You'll survive.
- Like a drink? - Intravenously.
Well, you didn't waste any time finding an ally.
- Jarvis? - Can you trust him? I don't know.
- The corpuscles are functioning.
- Good.
Perhaps you could get back to work.
I'm writing on thermodynamics.
A conflict of science and humanity.
Equations.
Isotherms.
I have a dynamic too.
- Colourful.
- Red-blooded.
Good night, you've had a strenuous day.
You're right.
At Wentworth's, I found this.
Interesting reading.
Our campaign is nearing its conclusion.
It's been a long hard road.
Sometimes dangerous, but the end is in sight.
All that remains now is to trigger off the final action.
When, Major? Yes, when is D-day? That depends on the professor.
And on security, Marco.
Is everything ready? Well, professor.
Ready for another night's work? We're anxious.
When will the job be completed? Come, come Surely you're not going to be stubborn again.
I'm doing my best.
Working as fast as I can.
What do you expect when I'm kept cooped up? Work faster.
And we won't keep you any longer.
Will you? Don't get your wires crossed.
Hello? Who is it? It's Jarvis.
Jarvis.
I told you I'd keep my eyes peeled.
I found something.
Ground floor, camping display.
Side door's unlocked.
Make it snappy.
You left the body? It was that or explain what I was doing there.
- This morning? - Not a trace.
Probably dumped in an alley way.
Mrs.
Peel? Excuse me.
Just pull a few strings.
Like the civil service.
Quick promotion.
From lingerie to space age woman.
Store policy: move you around.
- Business as usual.
- Not quite.
Mr.
Glenn was dismissed.
Window dresser.
- Where is he? - Through there.
Mr.
Glenn? I'm John Steed, a Pinter's shareholder.
I've heard rumours about the store.
Rumours? Not rumours, the store has gone to pot.
After 6 years of faithful service Why were you sacked? I haven't a clue.
I only mentioned my ground floor display.
- Why? - Someone keeps changing it.
Last night and the night before.
I set out a display, next morning it's all changed.
Strange things happening here.
I won't be the last to go either.
Julie will be next.
Julie? In the food market.
She'll be next.
- It's not her fault.
- Eh? About the food disappearing.
Good morning.
Good morning, sir.
Cheese.
Stilton.
Force fed.
Feet firmly manacled.
Firmly - You want a ripe one? - Leaping about.
I'll try to catch one for you.
Splendid, I'll take half an ounce.
Will that be all? - I have a very long list.
"1 tomato, 2 egg whites, an onion and a squeeze of lemon.
" - It's a recipe.
- So I gathered.
- Wrapped? - Except for the squeeze of lemon.
"Add steak and a pint of burgundy.
Marinate.
" Sounds marvellous.
More than enough for two.
We can drop the onion.
Is that a proposition? More of a sly suggestion.
Where does the food go to? I spoke to Mr.
Glenn.
I've no idea.
But it does go.
I'm trying to help.
Well, I really haven't any idea.
It's been going on for several weeks.
During the night? It's the only explanation.
Anything in particular? Cans of fruit, bread, some Stilton and some bumblebees.
Honey bumblebees from Japan.
- It disappears every night? - Just lately.
- It's funny really - Eh? Why steal the honey bumblebees? We hardly sell any.
They were stocked as a special order.
From what customer? Professor Popall.
The one who disappeared.
More? Too many late nights.
I've got 9 min 30 to finish lunch and get back.
- I brought you wine.
- Lovely.
Specially imported for Pinter's.
Do you know a Prof.
Popall? Physicist, nuclear fission, atom-splitter, disappeared.
Exactly.
He was addicted to honey bumblebees.
Pinter's supplied him.
8 min 45.
Pinter's and Popall, any connection? Moran was the catalyst.
Dead, with a receipt from Pinter's dated on Sunday.
He must have broken in.
Let's see, if it means anything.
I shall use it when I can.
8 minutes.
Continue the jigsaw.
Kane? Discontinued.
Senile.
Perhaps.
Wentworth? Pinter's bully salesman.
It will be a pleasure to close my account there.
7 minutes 40.
Go on.
Jarvis.
Glenn.
Julie Thompson.
Professor Popall.
Bumblebees.
Time's up.
Got to go.
Bumblebees.
Now who would want to steal some honey bumblebees? Pilfering - You know I don't stand for it.
- No, sir.
It's just for the professor.
He's not too happy with the grub so You disobeyed my orders.
- Where's Marco? - Marco, sir? He's in charge of stores.
Where is he? Downstairs, with the new girl.
Mrs.
Peel Tony Marco, chief accountant.
Would you mind making sure this is correct? It's correct.
I noticed one omission.
Your telephone number.
You have the necessary details.
All goods should be on the top shelf.
- You've nothing to do? - I'm listening.
Can you think of anything? As a matter of fact, I can.
I wonder if you'd mind checking this receipt for me? For you, anything.
- Where did you get this? - I found it.
What's wrong? Nothing.
Thank you for this.
Mr.
Wentworth will want to talk to you.
This way, Mrs.
Peel.
Wait here for a moment.
Years ago I'd have handled the whole business.
I'm putting a great deal of trust in you.
- It's not misplaced, sir.
- I hope not.
- Major.
- Excuse me, sir.
I want to see you.
Me, too.
Look at that.
- Trouble? - Nothing we can't handle.
- Where did this turn up? - That new girl.
Where did she find it? I'll leave that to you.
She's locked in downstairs.
Idiot! What can I do for you? - The lady who served me earlier - Mrs.
Peel? What about her? She said she might have a drink with me.
She was dismissed for flirting with customers.
We don't stand for such here.
No, quite.
I'm afraid that Mrs.
Peel is no longer with us.
Anything else? The store is about to close.
Well No, thank you.
- Farrington - Yes, sir.
- Everything's secure.
- Good.
- Where is Mrs.
Peel? - Furniture.
- Who's guarding her? - Massey.
I'll check the detonation area.
Carry on.
That's the winner.
Eenny meeny minny mo! I like my mummies well preserved.
Carpet bagger.
- You're not hurt.
- Only my pride.
- There's a laboratory upstairs.
- That fits.
Popall.
Drugged.
Store receipts.
Feed cards for this computer.
High Pressure Accounting.
Let's see, shall we? Hold onto your hat.
It's a perfect cover, disguising these cards as store receipts.
Moran must have stumbled onto it.
- A shopping list? - Plans for a nuclear bomb.
Now how can you tell? Thermodynamics.
The two are co-related.
The bomb! Must stop them! Got to stop them! Is it your invention? My job is finished.
Where have they hidden it? In the store.
It's down there in the store.
I've got to stop them! We have to start somewhere.
What sizes do bombs come in? - Any size from this to this! - Let's just look.
The size depends on Why would they want an atom bomb? For mushrooming out, perhaps.
"You have a kind and considerate nature.
" You search upstairs.
- Any luck? - No.
Nor me.
We've searched everywhere and no sign of it.
It's here.
Why so sure? Intuition.
Let me see.
Toddler's Toy Fair.
Ladies' Underwear.
Gentlemen's Outfitting We've been all over.
Where is it? Steed - We found our bomb.
- We're standing in it.
What have you got to lose? Inefficient.
That's what you said.
And now? My biggest takeover bid yet.
Yes, this store is a bomb, in its entirety.
Mr.
Kane! It can't do any harm now.
I'm proud of my scheme.
- I want to tell them.
- What's your goal? A takeover, Mrs.
Peel.
I'm going to takeover the entire country and hold it to ransom with my bomb.
They'll agree to your demands, then play for time to locate the bomb.
They won't know where to look.
Only you know that.
- Suppose they don't believe you.
- They will after I've destroyed London.
Horatio Kane isn't finished.
No grasp of modern techniques.
We'll see what they think when I demonstrate modern techniques! Tonight, I and my special staff will be somewhere far from here.
The store will open as usual.
Then sometime during the day this store and 50 miles surrounding it will disappear completely from the map.
Convincing, don't you think? - During the day? - Be more exact.
The bomb, this store, will explode with the first purchase of a washing machine.
You tell them, Farrington.
It's terribly simple.
All bombs need a detonator.
Ours is imbedded in the floor of the northern lift shaft.
That lift's been out of order.
Alterations and repairs are complete.
- Aren't they? - All working again smoothly.
Customers will be able to use it again tomorrow.
Washing machines are in the basement.
A customer will ask to be taken there.
He'll step into the lift The lift will descend.
Down, down, down and then boom! - Wentworth, is that you? - Yes, sir.
Over here in the corner.
You again.
Can't sleep without my teddy bear.
I'm tired of these two.
Deal with them.
With pleasure.
Any last requests? A ride in a Tornado Roadster or this! Get up! Get up, you idiots! Massey! After them! Don't let them reach the door! After them, you fool! - Better get to the basement.
- Let's split up.
- What's up? - They're loose.
Split up! Cover the exits! Don't move.
Right.
Back up.
- Give me the gun.
- Back up.
Give me the gun.
You're remarkable.
- My umbrella - There! It's all in the grip, you know.
Really? Kane! Here! It's no use.
- It's all over.
- Over? Steed and the woman, they've beaten us.
Over? No, Wentworth, not yet.
Come back! No! The lift.
Try hardware.
It was all right to take these? Of course.
It was a gift for services rendered.
We did save them from the biggest closing down sale of all time.