The Librarians (2014) s04e04 Episode Script
And the Silver Screen
1 You know, I have to confess, I don't know these movies as well as you.
Oh, it doesn't get sexier than Dirk Montagne and Margaret Holloway.
They made five films together, all written and directed by James Desmond Wheeler.
I think I may have seen "Mayhem at the Mocambo.
" Ah, that was the first.
Then they did "Broadway Bound and Gagged," "The Achilles High Heel," "Trapeze, Anyone?," and finally, "The Found, the Lost, and the Looking," which is what we're seeing.
Hi, two please.
And how do you know all these movies? My grandmother and I used to stay up and watch the late night movie together.
How come we don't watch more movies together? Saving the world doesn't give us a lot of downtime.
FLYNN: That's true.
You know, popcorn has a history that goes back 8,000 years.
- Rather fascinating, really.
- I disagree.
It wasn't until the Great Depression that popcorn made its way into movie houses.
Up until then, they wanted to cater to more of an upscale My darling, may I interrupt you for a moment? - Of course.
- You need a break from your intellect - even more than I do.
- What does that mean? Well, we've been saying we should act like normal people, do normal people things.
Let's start tonight.
I'm not a Guardian, you're not a Librarian.
We're just two The Librarian.
You said "a" Librarian.
Like I'm some kind of The Librarian.
Him.
Him.
Don't be a him tonight.
Just be normal.
Movies aren't meant to be dissected.
They're meant to wash over you like a wave until you're totally immersed in the story, swimming in the characters.
Can you do that? I might have to take Dramamine, but I think I can try.
Flynn, that's all I ask.
Excuse us.
(EXHALES) (NOIR MUSIC PLAYING) (THUNDER) MAN: It was a dark and rainy night, but then, isn't it always (IN UNISON) when trouble comes to call? Shh! Trouble never calls itself trouble.
(IN UNISON) This time, it came in desperate and damp on three-inch heels calling itself Madeline.
Shh! Sorry, did that hurt? Hurt? Baby, I'm not even ticklish.
(SLURPING) (SULTRY MUSIC PLAYING) To the found, the lost, and the looking.
(KNOCKING) (CROWD MURMURING) (SCREAMING) EZEKIEL: They're not picking up.
Still feels a little weird that we're checking up on them.
Well, they've been gone a day.
It's not like Flynn and Baird to disappear.
Plus they missed the tethering ceremony rehearsal.
Well, Baird did say that they were going to take the Metro into Hollywood to see an old movie, so "James Desmond Wheeler: A Retrospective.
" Bet this is it.
- They took the Metro? - Yeah, it's like the magic door, only it's slower and it smells like pee.
Whoa.
Box office doesn't open for another ten minutes.
Thank you.
What are you here to see? Oh, I'm going to see them all.
Read about the reopening of this theater and who bought it.
Quite interesting.
Hi, folks, hi.
Thanks for coming.
Unfortunately, due to a problem with our projector in theater one, today's showings of "The Found, the Lost, and the Looking" - are are canceled.
- CROWD: Aww.
But but "Chaps In Chaps!" in theater two and "Brain Robbers From Planet Xenon Alpha Six" in theater three are still working fine.
Let's hope.
- Excuse me.
I'm sorry, hi.
- Yes? Hi.
We're with the American Film Library.
- Yeah.
- Uh Institute.
The we're looking for a couple of colleagues.
- They came here last night.
- Can you describe them? Tall blonde, goofy know-it-all.
Come with me.
I'm so glad you're here.
I didn't know who to call.
I didn't want to turn anything off.
Something go wrong in one of the theaters? Three years of extensive, expensive renovation open only for one day I was a studio executive for 20 years before that.
Oh, I thought I'd seen it all.
My name is Jade Wells, by the way.
- What exactly happened? - It's pretty self-explanatory.
Is anybody even out there? Can anybody even hear me? BAIRD: Somebody! Flynn, do something! What do you expect me to do, Eve, jump through the screen? I tried that and hurt my knees both times.
Flynn! - Baird! - They can't hear you.
Or see you.
They've been fighting like that all night.
- Oh, this is not good.
- What how did they get in there? And how do we get them out? More importantly, what the hell is Flynn doing? (SCREAMING) I've heard of situations where people live out a story, but being stuck inside? That's completely new.
Protocol demands we take a disciplined approach.
I have a theory about the power source.
Los Angeles sits in a basin defined by the sloping Santa Monica mountains to the west and the San Gabriels to the north and east.
Historically, Los Angeles has collected everything from dinosaur bones to smog in it's, uh, bowl-like shape.
And ley energy is no exception.
It's pooled in these massive subterranean ley lakes, one of which is located directly at the coordinates of 34.
1015 degrees north by 118.
3365 degrees west.
The Hollywood Wax Museum.
That's all we need.
Super-charged wax figures of Tom Cruise and Charlton Heston.
And on the opposite corner, you guessed it, the Hollywood Movie Palace.
Designed in the 1920s, it was a faux-Moroccan style, originally opened as the Alcazar.
Three years ago, it was purchased by a Jade Wells.
She reopened it as the Hollywood Movie Palace, and it's now a revival house dedicated to the works of forgotten masters.
Forgotten? Try never heard of.
Who's ever heard of James Desmond Wheeler? I have.
Yes, uh, the films of James Desmond Wheeler, I'm very familiar with.
After helming a string of really poor box office performers, he was relegated to directing B-westerns, sci-fi monster movies.
Made his last film in 1969, which turned out to be the surf biker cult classic "Hang Ten To Zuma.
" Oh! He was married, had a daughter.
And he and his wife adopted.
He died on March 12, 1979 in Saugus, California, right off Interstate 5 near Magic Mountain.
- Oh, Magic Mountain! - No.
Ley lakes account for the location, but for Flynn and Baird to get sucked into celluloid, I mean, that would be the job of one of these new artifacts right? And I reckon Jade's already told us what it is, the projectors.
It could be anything.
It doesn't have to be it could be the chandelier.
It could be the seats.
Hell, it could be the stage curtain.
It is literally the division between substance and fantasy.
It was the screen.
The focal point of all of those viewers over all of those decades, I mean, it would imbue it with an incredible amount of psychic energy.
Whatever the artifact is, we are now certain where it is.
Right.
So we go into the theater, rub on anything magicky, and get sucked into No, my foolish friend.
Our job is to get them out.
Not lose anyone else to its grasp.
- But how? - Well, according to Library lore, in a case of literal narrative transference like this, there is only one way.
We must help bring the movie's story to its intended conclusion.
It must end exactly as it was intended.
No changes.
- Why can't anyone hear us? - (SAXOPHONE PLAYING) Eve, my arm is throbbing.
And will whoever is playing that incessant saxophone please stop? - (SAXOPHONE STOPS) - How about a drink? Oh, I would love one, but my Fanta is out there and I don't have a 300-foot straw.
How about a real drink? There's a bottle in the bottom left drawer of your desk, smart guy.
And two glasses in the top right, remember? - (THUNDER) - I know everything about this office.
I've seen it ten times.
And I don't think we're going about this the right way.
I don't think the way out is out there.
I think the way out is out there.
Of course.
Why didn't I think of this before? Protocol for literal narrative transference.
Eve, you've been studying Library lore.
- Yep.
- All we have to do is finish the movie.
As Kitty and Mac.
Do everything exactly as they did.
Trigger the next event and then the next until we reach a conclusion.
- Okay, so what happens next? - Outside that door is sultry chanteuse and divorcée Madeline Kincaid.
But Madeline doesn't enter the scene until after I've poured you a drink.
And I don't pour you a drink until after I've removed a bullet from your arm, so Ah-ha, hey, Eve.
I mean, Kitty.
Let's, uh, let's talk this over for a minute, huh? - I mean, come on, huh? - Shh.
I mean, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Flynn, no more.
You're Mac Doyle, and Mac Doyle doesn't feel any fear.
He buried it under the Ardennes in '44 and replaced that fear with a flinty, hard-edged realism.
He's decisive, smart, strong, witty, capable, a master of trapeze.
You need to be Mac and I need to be Kitty.
And we need to play these roles to the hilt because, baby, digging a bullet out of your arm is only the beginning, act one, scene one.
And we got a long way to go.
(THUNDER) (EXHALES DEEPLY) (EXHALES SHARPLY) (GRUNTS) You know, in the movie, Margaret Holloway really seemed to be able to just pluck it right out of there.
Maybe because Dirk Montagne never said anything that wasn't fabulously charming or dangerously alluring.
Oh, no? How did Dirk wittily handle dizziness from blood loss? Look at my skin.
I'm ashen.
You're not ashen.
You're in black and white.
And you're breaking character.
Follow the script.
I say, "Sorry, did that hurt?" And then you say, "Baby, I " "Baby, I'm not even ticklish!" Yes, I know, and then the bullet will come out? Exactly! Yes, yes.
Yes.
Are you ready? (WHIMPERS) Sorry, did that hurt? (YELLS) Baby, baby, baby! Baby, baby, baby, I'm not I'm not (BABBLING) I'm not even I'm not I'm not even ticklish! Oh, I got it! Now I pour the drinks.
Okay, and what am I supposed to do now? Hey, now you look deep into my eyes and you say, "Here's to the found, the lost, and the looking.
" And then we toast.
Here's to the found, the lost, and looking.
" (KNOCKING) Hello? Is anyone in? (CHUCKLES) Mr.
Doyle I need your help.
Okay, Madeline Kincaid, daughter of eccentric millionaire inventor Dr.
Preston Kincaid is here, desperate to find a priceless ruby necklace she suspects was stolen by notorious gangster/ night club owner Anthony Schazzola, A.
K.
A.
, Tony The Shaz.
- Okay.
- Also, she's going to flirt with you and ask you to meet her at her bungalow - back at The Ambassador Hotel.
- (CHUCKLES) Do I go to The Amb no, I wouldn't go to The Ambassador Hotel.
Well, how would you suggest that I play this? I'd suggest carefully and cool.
- Gotcha.
Improv time.
- No! No, no.
Opposite.
Opposite of improv.
Flynn Mac, promise me you'll stick to the script - and wait for my prompts.
- I understand.
Careful and cool.
(THUNDER) Ahem, come in.
Mr.
Doyle? Mr.
Mac Doyle? - Maybe yes and maybe no.
- Ahem.
Let's say yes.
And unless I miss my guess, you are sultry Madeline Kincaid, desperate daughter of Dr.
Millionaire Preston Kincaid, and you are here - looking for something.
- Very good, Mr.
Doyle.
I'll come straight to the point.
A certain gentleman connected to the gaming world has something of mine, and I want it back.
Are you familiar with a Mr.
Schazzola? Tony The Shaz, yes.
And unless I miss my guess, he been dabbling in the jewelry trade, if you catch my drift.
I feel an immediate ease with you, Mr.
Doyle.
Like we have a mental shorthand.
We're clearly connected.
I want back what's mine, Mr.
Doyle.
You can name your price.
I keep a bungalow at The Ambassador.
Hello! I'm surprised Mac hasn't introduced us.
Kitty Dupree, Mac's long time associate.
Associate? I see.
Then I'm sure you can quote me the going rate.
50 bucks a day plus expenses.
And yet it's clear as gin you're worth ever so much more.
As I said, I keep a bungalow at The Ambassador.
You can reach me there (THUNDER) - at night.
- (CHUCKLES) Good day, Miss Dupree.
Ha-ha.
- Ahem.
She didn't seem so bad.
- That's what I thought, too, but then she takes a turn you don't see coming, and then it turns out it was her all along.
Ah.
Okay, angel face, where to next? Or shall I make a wager? Even odds we're headed to Long Beach to a floating casino called "The SS Tango" for our first dance with Tony The Shaz.
- How'd you know that? - This room is full of clues.
Plus, there's kind of a formula to these things.
Do I get a gun? Top desk drawer.
(THUNDER) (NOIR MUSIC PLAYING) (FOGHORN BLARES) You don't scare me.
You're pathetic.
Go ahead and shoot.
Don't do it, Madeline.
You can still walk away.
It's too late.
I can't go back.
I won't.
TONY: You're all bluff.
Take away your daddy's money and what are you? A so-so singer with too much past and too little future.
- Shut up.
- No husband.
- I mean it, shut up! - No talent.
- And no kid.
- (GROANS) (GASPS, GROANS) Wow.
I did not see that coming.
Seemed it was going a different way.
Yeah, well nevertheless, we must find a way to communicate the plot to Mr.
Carson and Colonel Baird.
I still say we go in.
Now we know the ending, we can help them get to the right spots.
All we have to do is rig the back door just like Flynn did with Charlene.
We anchor it to Flynn and Baird's things, which is full of their psychic mojo.
- Actually, that's true.
- No, it's not please, listen to me, that is too risky.
So what do you suggest, Jenkins? You say they're trapped in the opening scene, in the office.
We need the exact date and time from the production report, a Tenite thermoplastic Western Electric model 307, and a force powerful enough to catalyze temporal induction.
What are you saying, Jenkins? We might be able to call them.
- This is so cool.
- It really is.
How long does the drive take in the movie? About three minutes.
Since they're on their way to a casino, they talk a lot about Mac's gambling problem, which was a big theme in their last movie together, "Trapeze, Anyone?" I see.
Hey, do you think this car just knows where to go on its own? - Why do you ask? - Well, it feels like I'm driving, but there's only one road.
Pretty clear which way to go.
If I took my hands off this wheel, think the car would just take us to the water taxi stand on the harbor? Or would we crash? I think if it feels like you're driving, you probably are.
I wouldn't test it.
You're right.
- Flynn! - (TIRES SCREECHING) (LINE RINGING) Well, it's been 15 minutes.
Either they can't answer or they've already progressed to the next scene.
Miss Cillian? Ezekiel? - This is not good.
- We're in the wrong movie! - This is "Chaps In Chaps!" - Oh, you think? Tex Mangrove and Dandy Dan O'Flannaghan, you've been found guilty and are hereby sentenced to hang until such a time as you are dead.
Guess you won't be singing yourselves out of this one.
- What do we do? - I don't know! I've never seen "Chaps In Chaps!" May God have mercy on your troubled souls.
(WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING) - (GUNSHOTS) - (WOMEN SCREAMING) Look out, men! It's Lacey McCallister! (GUNFIRE) - Ahh! - (GRUNTS) (GUNFIRE) (YELLING) Ahh! Did you see that? It was incredible.
I couldn't miss.
This is exactly what I was afraid of, but do they ever listen? I'm sure Colonel Baird and Mr.
Carson are faring no better.
FLYNN: So what happens in this scene? We talk our way in using aliases saying we need to see the boss, and then he sends for us at the bar.
- Wait, what are the aliases? - Names, please.
Yes, sir.
May I please introduce you to my fiancée - Lady Gaga Van Damme.
- And you are? Dr.
Julius Erving III.
I'm sorry, doctor, but We have urgent business to discuss with Mr.
Schazzola.
Mr.
Schazzola is a very busy man.
So am I! And I didn't water taxi through three miles of chop to listen to any flunky lip, so unless you want to paddle that clipboard back to the mainland, I suggest you find Tony The Shaz and tell him that Dr.
J and Lady Gaga are at the bar having drinks.
(WOLF HOWLS) This is crazy.
We're cooking a weasel.
And what, we're supposed to just wait out here all night? Beautiful country, isn't it? Look, where do we think this story goes next? Well, hopefully Jenkins fixes the door and we don't have to find out.
(WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING) Where is that music coming from? STONE: I feel there's a song coming on.
They said he had no mother But grew from a dusty plain - Stone, what are you doing? - And no jail that'll hold him Or slow him with ball and chain Behind the gun for hire is a burning raging fire That even he could not contain Whoa Tex Mangrove was his name Ah, ah Tex Mangrove was his name (WOLF HOWLS) (YODELING) - (CONTINUES YODELING) - (WOLF HOWLS) Is everything all right? We'll figure out the glitch and open again soon.
Well, I had hoped that I know, I promise.
As soon as possible.
Why is this happening? Was this an old Indian burial ground? Was the marquee hit by lightning? What? I think it is safe to say that there is an unknown force at work.
The question is why here? Why now? - Why these films? - I have no idea.
- My father would have loved it, though.
- Your father? My father was James Desmond Wheeler.
Okay, they bring us back.
We ask them about the necklace.
They get suspicious, search you, find the gun, rough you up.
I slip out, go below deck.
How bad does it get? I'm not gonna lie, you won't like it.
Okay, what exactly are the rules here? I can't drive into oncoming traffic, but I can somehow get away with calling you Lady Gaga Van Damme? It appears we have some leeway in our actions provided we adhere to the major plot points.
And getting the hell kicked out of me is a major plot point? - Right.
- Okay, what happens next? Then they throw you over the side.
- What? - Don't worry.
I pick you up halfway to shore in an inflatable rubber dinghy.
So after being beaten, I only have to swim for a mile and a half through freezing water? - Right.
- And what are you doing the entire time I'm getting worked over? I investigate and determine Schazzola's moll has the rubies.
But we already know that! What do you want me to say, Flynn? Mac.
No Lara Croft movies back then.
Women did the sleuthing, men did the punching.
Well, I don't see why I (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) The Shaz will see you now.
Do you know my father's work well, Mr.
Jenkins? Well, I rank "The Achilles High Heel" and "Tis of Thee" among the highest in their genres.
Ooh, good taste.
You know, it's funny the three that are running now are amongst my least favorite.
The music in "Chaps In Chaps!" is good, though.
And the natural dapple of light in the ambush is very nice.
I wonder, would you have any of the original production reports or scripts - from your father's films? - I have it all.
This isn't a town.
I want to play cowboy in a town.
Hang on, Dandy Dan.
I got a good feeling about this place.
- It feels safe here.
- Oh, I hear what you're saying, Lacey.
Or Cassie.
Yes, ma'am.
A man can lay down some roots here.
- There they are! - Let's get 'em! (GUNFIRE) - Ambush! Go! - Ahh! (GUNFIRE) - The loo! - What? - The dunny! - What? The poop shack over there! Jenkins must have patched us through to the right movie.
All right, you guys make a run for it.
I'll cover you.
- Take Frannie.
- Okay.
- (SHOUTING) - (GUNFIRE) (SHOUTING) Oh, hoo-hoo.
Pretty sure we're in the wrong movie again! (FOGHORN BLARES) (GRUNTS) For the last time, Dr.
Erving, what's your interest in ruby necklaces? (GRUNTS) Okay! I think this plot point's been achieved.
Let's move on.
Listen to this guy.
Cool customer.
Dr.
Julius Erving, "The Iceman.
" Technically, George Gervin was "The Iceman.
" How about I tell you what you're not telling me? Madeline Kincaid sent you along with your Hey, where's the dame? She must have slipped out.
She won't get far.
Tell Madeline Kincaid there's nothing left for her on this ship no more.
She made damn sure of that when she left.
Surprised? Madeline didn't share the full story with you.
Par for the course with a dame like that.
Give her my love when you see her.
Oh, yeah, give her this for me, too.
(GRUNTS) Okay, Chico, over the side.
Water will wake him up, then find the dame.
Right, Shaz.
(SOBBING) (DOOR OPENS) (APES GIBBERING) Why am I still in the cowboy outfit? At least you're not the one wearing lipstick.
Commander Reed Steele, we meet again.
I was not fooled by your disguise.
Dr.
Alexandra Westbrook, lovely as ever.
Young Jub Jub.
My, how you've grown.
Almost a man.
Commander, did you really think that your puny Xenonian Stinger fleet could defeat a Blandorian warship, let alone one commanded by me, Dradok, High Priest of Blandoor? - Jub Jub? - I got this.
Dradok, you fool! The stinger squadron was only a decoy.
When the Alliance learned you were commanding this ship, all Xenonian battle cruisers were deployed, and at warp speed.
But to Blandoor! What the hell are you doing? It's "Brain Robbers From Planet Alpha Xenon Six.
" A classic.
- You lie! - Do I? The why don't you try reaching Blandoor on the Telespectravision? Or do you fear I speak the truth? Open a channel! (GRUNTS) Ha! Ha! Ha! Congratulations, Dradok! You're the last remaining High Priest.
If only there were a planet to return to, you would be king.
You forget one thing, doctor.
You are not guests on this ship.
You are prisoners.
And though I may be the last Blandorian, I will exact a revenge so complete that every vanquished Blandorian in the Ethranox will feel justly and sweetly avenged! Take them to the Cranial Cleansing Bloc! Ah, I forgot that part.
Sorry, guys.
I tried.
Who is this woman in all these early photos? Oh, I don't know her name.
She's probably a secretary or a girlfriend.
Or both.
She's in all the Doyle/Dupree stills.
Something familiar about her.
Oh, hey, what about this? The hand from "Seduce the Wind.
" The one that Lon Harrington used - On Vivian Nance.
- (GASPS) - Same one.
- (SOFT BEEPING) Very, very unique item.
But not what we're looking for.
Okay, well, what exactly are we looking for? Something that specifically pertains to the films in question or an item that has commonality between them.
I wish his stuff were more organized.
You must have loved your father very much to honor his work this way.
He was a difficult man to love.
But I was grateful to him.
He and my mom adopted me when I was a baby.
- Your mother? - They divorced when I was four.
My mom died when I was eight.
I was mostly raised by boarding schools.
And I missed him.
But you know what's funny? I always felt closer to the films where the best of him is.
I got it.
I got it! His typewriter.
He wrote all his scripts on it.
- Nicely handled.
- Thanks for the warning.
- Nice place you have here.
- This is your place.
Where do you live? I got a penthouse uptown overlooking the park.
That must be nicer.
Okay, ah! What happens next? Why don't you step over here and find out? (THUNDER) (SULTRY MUSIC PLAYING) I see we've arrived at the love scene.
I'd say you've earned it.
You know, Eve, you missed your era.
In these clothes, in this light, you're the cat's pajamas.
I have to confess, I've had this fantasy.
- Have you really? - Mm-hmm.
The only trouble is the fade out.
(BEEPING) - BOTH: Bingo.
- (CHUCKLES) Yes, the typewriter is the artifact.
Now, "The Found, the Lost, and the Looking," the script.
"The Found, the Lost, and the Looking," okay.
The scripts are over here.
I know they're kept over here.
"The Found" "The Found, the Lost, and the Looking.
" (CHUCKLES) I got it.
- The original script.
Wow.
- Excellent.
Now, all right, so - Who's "E.
Darnell"? - I don't know.
Really? 'Cause it says "The Found, the Lost, and the Looking," by E.
Darnell.
No, that can't be right.
My dad wrote all his scripts.
Very interesting.
So, Dr.
Erving, or is it Mr.
Doyle? Back for round two? Boys, take Pearl below.
She don't like the sight of blood.
But before you go, don't worry, sweetheart, Daddy'll give it back.
You'll never get away with this.
Oh, no? Two thieves break into my office to steal a rare ruby necklace, both get shot trying to flee the scene.
Who'll say different? Looks like your boys might have missed this little fellow, Shaz, when they frisked me.
Hands up! - Ahh! - Sorry, Mr.
Doyle.
- Me, too.
- Madeline.
Yes, Tony, me.
How does it feel? You don't scare me.
You're pathetic.
Go ahead and shoot.
Don't do it, Madeline.
You can still walk away.
It's too late.
I can't come back.
I won't.
You're all bluff.
Take away your daddy's money and what are you? A so-so singer with too much past and too little future.
- Shut up.
- No husband.
- I mean it, shut up! - No talent.
- Don't say it.
- And no kid.
- (GROANS) - Flynn! (GUNSHOT) (GROANS) Ahem.
We're still in the movie.
- What happened? - I don't understand.
- Our calculations must have been off.
- We did everything right.
It should have worked.
We're trapped.
Right back where we started.
(PHONE RINGING) Doyle Investigations, Kitty speaking.
- How may I direct your call? - JENKINS: Colonel? - Jenkins! - Colonel Baird, can you hear me? Yes, yes.
Jenkins, help.
We're stuck in a loop.
What did we of wrong at the end? No, no, you did everything right.
- It's the wrong end.
- What does that mean? JENKINS: James Desmond Wheeler didn't write the movie.
He rewrote the ending.
I've got the original script in my hand, but the last four pages are torn out.
Yes.
And I have the shooting script, which is the identical ending of your movie.
You're saying that the original ended differently and we need to deduce how.
- Precisely.
- How? We just spent this whole movie as detectives and didn't deduce anything.
I'd suggest you stop being detectives and start being Librarians.
(CHUCKLES) All right, now Let's see if we can take care of the other Librarians.
The magic typewriter got us into this mess.
It should also get us out of it.
Madeline Kincaid and Tony first fell in love When she started singing at the club.
It was her daddy's money that bankrolled the construction of The S.
S.
Tango.
But then business started booming and Madeline went from being indispensable to disposable.
- And hell hath no fury - Like a woman scorned.
What are we missing? What are we missing? Wait.
How do we know she wants her necklace back? She doesn't want that.
That's the ruse she used to get us to play patsy.
You mentioned that, she didn't.
She said someone connected to the gaming industry had something of hers, but she didn't specify.
Question one, why did I assume that's what she wanted? Question two, what does she really want? Let's ask her.
(AUDIO FAST-FORWARDING) - Sorry, did that hurt? - Hurt, baby? I'm not even ticklish.
(FAST-FORWARDING) Here's to the found, the lost, and the looking.
- (KNOCKING) - MADELINE: Hello? Is anyone in? (FAST-FORWARDING) Come in.
Mr.
Doyle? Mr.
Mac Doyle? That's what my mama called me.
Take a seat, Miss Kincaid.
You know my lover and associate Kitty Dupree.
Uh, no.
How do you do? Mr.
Doyle, I'm here to discu Oh, I know all about your problem.
You want me to play the dual role of "Patsy Punching-Bag" and "Johnny Swiss-Cheese" in a bus-and-truck production of "I Musta Been Stupid.
" Well, sister, I caught wise when I caught wind the second you wafted in here.
Oh, I'm afraid I don't understand.
You're not alone.
You want to be a little less poetic, Mac? Tony The Shaz took something from you.
What was it? I, uh, we Oh, we know you were together.
We know your daddy's money financed an empire.
But then things got different and you wanted out.
And you took his pound of flesh as payment for a broken heart.
You're not just good, Mr.
Doyle.
You're clairvoyant.
You got all that just from my scent? Imagine what insight you might glean from my touch.
I keep a bungalow Enough with the bungalow, Madeline.
Not gonna happen.
What does Tony have? I never should have left him.
Then everything would have been okay.
He wasn't all bad, not always.
But he took something from you, didn't he? - Yes.
- To punish you for leaving.
Yes.
To hurt you in a way that only you could be hurt.
Yes.
But it wasn't a career that he took from you.
- No.
- Or your youth.
But he took something, Madeline, something irreplaceable.
Mm-hmm, yes.
And it wasn't your rubies, was it, Madeline? Tell me, what was it? It was My Pearl.
Madeline and Tony had a daughter, but they kept it hush-hush to avoid scandal, and when Madeline left, Tony took her.
That's who I saw below deck.
I wasn't there to find the necklace, I was there to see the girl.
Wheeler changed the whole movie by rewriting the last four pages.
He changed the heroine to a femme fatale, the villain to a victim.
And the pearl to a ruby.
(GRUNTING) For the last time, Dr.
Erving, what's your interest in ruby necklaces? Gift for your mom.
(GRUNTS) So, Dr.
J, or is it Mr.
Doyle? Back for round two? Boys, take Pearl below.
She don't like the sight of blood.
But before you go, don't worry, sweetheart, Daddy'll give it back.
You'll never get away with this.
Oh, no? Two thieves break into my office, to steal a rare ruby necklace, both get shot trying to flee the scene.
Who'll say different? Looks like your boys might have missed this little fellow, Shaz, when they frisked me.
- Hands up! - Tony? - Madeline? - Yes, Tony, it's me.
- I've come to apologize.
- TONY: What? You don't scare me.
Go ahead and shoot.
I know I hurt you, Tony, but please, don't punish Pearl for something I did.
That's a lie.
You're all bluff.
Take away your daddy's money and what are you? A so-so singer with too much past and too little future.
I don't care about my future, Tony.
- Only Pearl's future.
- Shut up! - I'm sorry, Tony.
- I said shut up! I loved you once, and you loved me.
If you love her, let her go.
Never! This story ends one way only.
- Drop it, Doyle! - Ah! Boys! Alright, boys you know what to do.
Fit 'em with cement shoes and make 'em fish food.
Oh! Watch out! Tex Mangrove was was his Name Cassandra, keep 'em covered while Stone and Ezekiel tie 'em up.
Then call LAPD Harbor Patrol and tell 'em to get Tony The Shaz on a 207.
Kitty, what do you say we take Madeline downstairs and show her what she came for? (BOTH SOBBING) Why? Why go back and change what he'd written? He didn't.
He changed what I'd written.
Uh, sorry, Eleanor.
I don't understand.
Wait.
Eleanor Are you E.
Darnell? I am.
I met your father when I was 19.
Oh, it was wonderful.
A true collaboration.
I didn't care about the credit.
But then he took you, too.
You're my mother? I am your mother.
And I have never stopped loving you.
I love you.
(NOIR MUSIC PLAYING) So James Desmond Wheeler did not write the five Doyle/Dupree movies.
Nope.
They were written entirely by his young assistant Eleanor Darnell.
The had an affair, she got pregnant And to avoid scandal, Wheeler convinced Eleanor to let him and his wife raise Jade as their own.
He gave her some money, sent her off.
And then she wrote "The Found, the Lost, and the Looking" and sent it to Wheeler and prayed that he'd make it in the hopes that the real story underneath would one day come to light.
It did.
Just took a jolt from a super-charged ley line to make that prayer come true.
And me getting shot twice and beaten.
Not to mention some very keen detective work.
Thank you, Jenkins.
Fun date.
What do you say next time we stay home and watch Hulu? I have to say, shootings and beatings aside, this may have been my favorite date ever.
- Really? - Yeah.
I got to go into a world that I've fantasized about since I was nine.
I got to see a very different side of you dashing, sexy, confident.
How was that a different side? Well, I mean, he's he's you're you are not that you're not, but Mac? Mac's just so, uh, you know.
He's and you try (SULTRY MUSIC PLAYING) (THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, it doesn't get sexier than Dirk Montagne and Margaret Holloway.
They made five films together, all written and directed by James Desmond Wheeler.
I think I may have seen "Mayhem at the Mocambo.
" Ah, that was the first.
Then they did "Broadway Bound and Gagged," "The Achilles High Heel," "Trapeze, Anyone?," and finally, "The Found, the Lost, and the Looking," which is what we're seeing.
Hi, two please.
And how do you know all these movies? My grandmother and I used to stay up and watch the late night movie together.
How come we don't watch more movies together? Saving the world doesn't give us a lot of downtime.
FLYNN: That's true.
You know, popcorn has a history that goes back 8,000 years.
- Rather fascinating, really.
- I disagree.
It wasn't until the Great Depression that popcorn made its way into movie houses.
Up until then, they wanted to cater to more of an upscale My darling, may I interrupt you for a moment? - Of course.
- You need a break from your intellect - even more than I do.
- What does that mean? Well, we've been saying we should act like normal people, do normal people things.
Let's start tonight.
I'm not a Guardian, you're not a Librarian.
We're just two The Librarian.
You said "a" Librarian.
Like I'm some kind of The Librarian.
Him.
Him.
Don't be a him tonight.
Just be normal.
Movies aren't meant to be dissected.
They're meant to wash over you like a wave until you're totally immersed in the story, swimming in the characters.
Can you do that? I might have to take Dramamine, but I think I can try.
Flynn, that's all I ask.
Excuse us.
(EXHALES) (NOIR MUSIC PLAYING) (THUNDER) MAN: It was a dark and rainy night, but then, isn't it always (IN UNISON) when trouble comes to call? Shh! Trouble never calls itself trouble.
(IN UNISON) This time, it came in desperate and damp on three-inch heels calling itself Madeline.
Shh! Sorry, did that hurt? Hurt? Baby, I'm not even ticklish.
(SLURPING) (SULTRY MUSIC PLAYING) To the found, the lost, and the looking.
(KNOCKING) (CROWD MURMURING) (SCREAMING) EZEKIEL: They're not picking up.
Still feels a little weird that we're checking up on them.
Well, they've been gone a day.
It's not like Flynn and Baird to disappear.
Plus they missed the tethering ceremony rehearsal.
Well, Baird did say that they were going to take the Metro into Hollywood to see an old movie, so "James Desmond Wheeler: A Retrospective.
" Bet this is it.
- They took the Metro? - Yeah, it's like the magic door, only it's slower and it smells like pee.
Whoa.
Box office doesn't open for another ten minutes.
Thank you.
What are you here to see? Oh, I'm going to see them all.
Read about the reopening of this theater and who bought it.
Quite interesting.
Hi, folks, hi.
Thanks for coming.
Unfortunately, due to a problem with our projector in theater one, today's showings of "The Found, the Lost, and the Looking" - are are canceled.
- CROWD: Aww.
But but "Chaps In Chaps!" in theater two and "Brain Robbers From Planet Xenon Alpha Six" in theater three are still working fine.
Let's hope.
- Excuse me.
I'm sorry, hi.
- Yes? Hi.
We're with the American Film Library.
- Yeah.
- Uh Institute.
The we're looking for a couple of colleagues.
- They came here last night.
- Can you describe them? Tall blonde, goofy know-it-all.
Come with me.
I'm so glad you're here.
I didn't know who to call.
I didn't want to turn anything off.
Something go wrong in one of the theaters? Three years of extensive, expensive renovation open only for one day I was a studio executive for 20 years before that.
Oh, I thought I'd seen it all.
My name is Jade Wells, by the way.
- What exactly happened? - It's pretty self-explanatory.
Is anybody even out there? Can anybody even hear me? BAIRD: Somebody! Flynn, do something! What do you expect me to do, Eve, jump through the screen? I tried that and hurt my knees both times.
Flynn! - Baird! - They can't hear you.
Or see you.
They've been fighting like that all night.
- Oh, this is not good.
- What how did they get in there? And how do we get them out? More importantly, what the hell is Flynn doing? (SCREAMING) I've heard of situations where people live out a story, but being stuck inside? That's completely new.
Protocol demands we take a disciplined approach.
I have a theory about the power source.
Los Angeles sits in a basin defined by the sloping Santa Monica mountains to the west and the San Gabriels to the north and east.
Historically, Los Angeles has collected everything from dinosaur bones to smog in it's, uh, bowl-like shape.
And ley energy is no exception.
It's pooled in these massive subterranean ley lakes, one of which is located directly at the coordinates of 34.
1015 degrees north by 118.
3365 degrees west.
The Hollywood Wax Museum.
That's all we need.
Super-charged wax figures of Tom Cruise and Charlton Heston.
And on the opposite corner, you guessed it, the Hollywood Movie Palace.
Designed in the 1920s, it was a faux-Moroccan style, originally opened as the Alcazar.
Three years ago, it was purchased by a Jade Wells.
She reopened it as the Hollywood Movie Palace, and it's now a revival house dedicated to the works of forgotten masters.
Forgotten? Try never heard of.
Who's ever heard of James Desmond Wheeler? I have.
Yes, uh, the films of James Desmond Wheeler, I'm very familiar with.
After helming a string of really poor box office performers, he was relegated to directing B-westerns, sci-fi monster movies.
Made his last film in 1969, which turned out to be the surf biker cult classic "Hang Ten To Zuma.
" Oh! He was married, had a daughter.
And he and his wife adopted.
He died on March 12, 1979 in Saugus, California, right off Interstate 5 near Magic Mountain.
- Oh, Magic Mountain! - No.
Ley lakes account for the location, but for Flynn and Baird to get sucked into celluloid, I mean, that would be the job of one of these new artifacts right? And I reckon Jade's already told us what it is, the projectors.
It could be anything.
It doesn't have to be it could be the chandelier.
It could be the seats.
Hell, it could be the stage curtain.
It is literally the division between substance and fantasy.
It was the screen.
The focal point of all of those viewers over all of those decades, I mean, it would imbue it with an incredible amount of psychic energy.
Whatever the artifact is, we are now certain where it is.
Right.
So we go into the theater, rub on anything magicky, and get sucked into No, my foolish friend.
Our job is to get them out.
Not lose anyone else to its grasp.
- But how? - Well, according to Library lore, in a case of literal narrative transference like this, there is only one way.
We must help bring the movie's story to its intended conclusion.
It must end exactly as it was intended.
No changes.
- Why can't anyone hear us? - (SAXOPHONE PLAYING) Eve, my arm is throbbing.
And will whoever is playing that incessant saxophone please stop? - (SAXOPHONE STOPS) - How about a drink? Oh, I would love one, but my Fanta is out there and I don't have a 300-foot straw.
How about a real drink? There's a bottle in the bottom left drawer of your desk, smart guy.
And two glasses in the top right, remember? - (THUNDER) - I know everything about this office.
I've seen it ten times.
And I don't think we're going about this the right way.
I don't think the way out is out there.
I think the way out is out there.
Of course.
Why didn't I think of this before? Protocol for literal narrative transference.
Eve, you've been studying Library lore.
- Yep.
- All we have to do is finish the movie.
As Kitty and Mac.
Do everything exactly as they did.
Trigger the next event and then the next until we reach a conclusion.
- Okay, so what happens next? - Outside that door is sultry chanteuse and divorcée Madeline Kincaid.
But Madeline doesn't enter the scene until after I've poured you a drink.
And I don't pour you a drink until after I've removed a bullet from your arm, so Ah-ha, hey, Eve.
I mean, Kitty.
Let's, uh, let's talk this over for a minute, huh? - I mean, come on, huh? - Shh.
I mean, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Flynn, no more.
You're Mac Doyle, and Mac Doyle doesn't feel any fear.
He buried it under the Ardennes in '44 and replaced that fear with a flinty, hard-edged realism.
He's decisive, smart, strong, witty, capable, a master of trapeze.
You need to be Mac and I need to be Kitty.
And we need to play these roles to the hilt because, baby, digging a bullet out of your arm is only the beginning, act one, scene one.
And we got a long way to go.
(THUNDER) (EXHALES DEEPLY) (EXHALES SHARPLY) (GRUNTS) You know, in the movie, Margaret Holloway really seemed to be able to just pluck it right out of there.
Maybe because Dirk Montagne never said anything that wasn't fabulously charming or dangerously alluring.
Oh, no? How did Dirk wittily handle dizziness from blood loss? Look at my skin.
I'm ashen.
You're not ashen.
You're in black and white.
And you're breaking character.
Follow the script.
I say, "Sorry, did that hurt?" And then you say, "Baby, I " "Baby, I'm not even ticklish!" Yes, I know, and then the bullet will come out? Exactly! Yes, yes.
Yes.
Are you ready? (WHIMPERS) Sorry, did that hurt? (YELLS) Baby, baby, baby! Baby, baby, baby, I'm not I'm not (BABBLING) I'm not even I'm not I'm not even ticklish! Oh, I got it! Now I pour the drinks.
Okay, and what am I supposed to do now? Hey, now you look deep into my eyes and you say, "Here's to the found, the lost, and the looking.
" And then we toast.
Here's to the found, the lost, and looking.
" (KNOCKING) Hello? Is anyone in? (CHUCKLES) Mr.
Doyle I need your help.
Okay, Madeline Kincaid, daughter of eccentric millionaire inventor Dr.
Preston Kincaid is here, desperate to find a priceless ruby necklace she suspects was stolen by notorious gangster/ night club owner Anthony Schazzola, A.
K.
A.
, Tony The Shaz.
- Okay.
- Also, she's going to flirt with you and ask you to meet her at her bungalow - back at The Ambassador Hotel.
- (CHUCKLES) Do I go to The Amb no, I wouldn't go to The Ambassador Hotel.
Well, how would you suggest that I play this? I'd suggest carefully and cool.
- Gotcha.
Improv time.
- No! No, no.
Opposite.
Opposite of improv.
Flynn Mac, promise me you'll stick to the script - and wait for my prompts.
- I understand.
Careful and cool.
(THUNDER) Ahem, come in.
Mr.
Doyle? Mr.
Mac Doyle? - Maybe yes and maybe no.
- Ahem.
Let's say yes.
And unless I miss my guess, you are sultry Madeline Kincaid, desperate daughter of Dr.
Millionaire Preston Kincaid, and you are here - looking for something.
- Very good, Mr.
Doyle.
I'll come straight to the point.
A certain gentleman connected to the gaming world has something of mine, and I want it back.
Are you familiar with a Mr.
Schazzola? Tony The Shaz, yes.
And unless I miss my guess, he been dabbling in the jewelry trade, if you catch my drift.
I feel an immediate ease with you, Mr.
Doyle.
Like we have a mental shorthand.
We're clearly connected.
I want back what's mine, Mr.
Doyle.
You can name your price.
I keep a bungalow at The Ambassador.
Hello! I'm surprised Mac hasn't introduced us.
Kitty Dupree, Mac's long time associate.
Associate? I see.
Then I'm sure you can quote me the going rate.
50 bucks a day plus expenses.
And yet it's clear as gin you're worth ever so much more.
As I said, I keep a bungalow at The Ambassador.
You can reach me there (THUNDER) - at night.
- (CHUCKLES) Good day, Miss Dupree.
Ha-ha.
- Ahem.
She didn't seem so bad.
- That's what I thought, too, but then she takes a turn you don't see coming, and then it turns out it was her all along.
Ah.
Okay, angel face, where to next? Or shall I make a wager? Even odds we're headed to Long Beach to a floating casino called "The SS Tango" for our first dance with Tony The Shaz.
- How'd you know that? - This room is full of clues.
Plus, there's kind of a formula to these things.
Do I get a gun? Top desk drawer.
(THUNDER) (NOIR MUSIC PLAYING) (FOGHORN BLARES) You don't scare me.
You're pathetic.
Go ahead and shoot.
Don't do it, Madeline.
You can still walk away.
It's too late.
I can't go back.
I won't.
TONY: You're all bluff.
Take away your daddy's money and what are you? A so-so singer with too much past and too little future.
- Shut up.
- No husband.
- I mean it, shut up! - No talent.
- And no kid.
- (GROANS) (GASPS, GROANS) Wow.
I did not see that coming.
Seemed it was going a different way.
Yeah, well nevertheless, we must find a way to communicate the plot to Mr.
Carson and Colonel Baird.
I still say we go in.
Now we know the ending, we can help them get to the right spots.
All we have to do is rig the back door just like Flynn did with Charlene.
We anchor it to Flynn and Baird's things, which is full of their psychic mojo.
- Actually, that's true.
- No, it's not please, listen to me, that is too risky.
So what do you suggest, Jenkins? You say they're trapped in the opening scene, in the office.
We need the exact date and time from the production report, a Tenite thermoplastic Western Electric model 307, and a force powerful enough to catalyze temporal induction.
What are you saying, Jenkins? We might be able to call them.
- This is so cool.
- It really is.
How long does the drive take in the movie? About three minutes.
Since they're on their way to a casino, they talk a lot about Mac's gambling problem, which was a big theme in their last movie together, "Trapeze, Anyone?" I see.
Hey, do you think this car just knows where to go on its own? - Why do you ask? - Well, it feels like I'm driving, but there's only one road.
Pretty clear which way to go.
If I took my hands off this wheel, think the car would just take us to the water taxi stand on the harbor? Or would we crash? I think if it feels like you're driving, you probably are.
I wouldn't test it.
You're right.
- Flynn! - (TIRES SCREECHING) (LINE RINGING) Well, it's been 15 minutes.
Either they can't answer or they've already progressed to the next scene.
Miss Cillian? Ezekiel? - This is not good.
- We're in the wrong movie! - This is "Chaps In Chaps!" - Oh, you think? Tex Mangrove and Dandy Dan O'Flannaghan, you've been found guilty and are hereby sentenced to hang until such a time as you are dead.
Guess you won't be singing yourselves out of this one.
- What do we do? - I don't know! I've never seen "Chaps In Chaps!" May God have mercy on your troubled souls.
(WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING) - (GUNSHOTS) - (WOMEN SCREAMING) Look out, men! It's Lacey McCallister! (GUNFIRE) - Ahh! - (GRUNTS) (GUNFIRE) (YELLING) Ahh! Did you see that? It was incredible.
I couldn't miss.
This is exactly what I was afraid of, but do they ever listen? I'm sure Colonel Baird and Mr.
Carson are faring no better.
FLYNN: So what happens in this scene? We talk our way in using aliases saying we need to see the boss, and then he sends for us at the bar.
- Wait, what are the aliases? - Names, please.
Yes, sir.
May I please introduce you to my fiancée - Lady Gaga Van Damme.
- And you are? Dr.
Julius Erving III.
I'm sorry, doctor, but We have urgent business to discuss with Mr.
Schazzola.
Mr.
Schazzola is a very busy man.
So am I! And I didn't water taxi through three miles of chop to listen to any flunky lip, so unless you want to paddle that clipboard back to the mainland, I suggest you find Tony The Shaz and tell him that Dr.
J and Lady Gaga are at the bar having drinks.
(WOLF HOWLS) This is crazy.
We're cooking a weasel.
And what, we're supposed to just wait out here all night? Beautiful country, isn't it? Look, where do we think this story goes next? Well, hopefully Jenkins fixes the door and we don't have to find out.
(WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING) Where is that music coming from? STONE: I feel there's a song coming on.
They said he had no mother But grew from a dusty plain - Stone, what are you doing? - And no jail that'll hold him Or slow him with ball and chain Behind the gun for hire is a burning raging fire That even he could not contain Whoa Tex Mangrove was his name Ah, ah Tex Mangrove was his name (WOLF HOWLS) (YODELING) - (CONTINUES YODELING) - (WOLF HOWLS) Is everything all right? We'll figure out the glitch and open again soon.
Well, I had hoped that I know, I promise.
As soon as possible.
Why is this happening? Was this an old Indian burial ground? Was the marquee hit by lightning? What? I think it is safe to say that there is an unknown force at work.
The question is why here? Why now? - Why these films? - I have no idea.
- My father would have loved it, though.
- Your father? My father was James Desmond Wheeler.
Okay, they bring us back.
We ask them about the necklace.
They get suspicious, search you, find the gun, rough you up.
I slip out, go below deck.
How bad does it get? I'm not gonna lie, you won't like it.
Okay, what exactly are the rules here? I can't drive into oncoming traffic, but I can somehow get away with calling you Lady Gaga Van Damme? It appears we have some leeway in our actions provided we adhere to the major plot points.
And getting the hell kicked out of me is a major plot point? - Right.
- Okay, what happens next? Then they throw you over the side.
- What? - Don't worry.
I pick you up halfway to shore in an inflatable rubber dinghy.
So after being beaten, I only have to swim for a mile and a half through freezing water? - Right.
- And what are you doing the entire time I'm getting worked over? I investigate and determine Schazzola's moll has the rubies.
But we already know that! What do you want me to say, Flynn? Mac.
No Lara Croft movies back then.
Women did the sleuthing, men did the punching.
Well, I don't see why I (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) The Shaz will see you now.
Do you know my father's work well, Mr.
Jenkins? Well, I rank "The Achilles High Heel" and "Tis of Thee" among the highest in their genres.
Ooh, good taste.
You know, it's funny the three that are running now are amongst my least favorite.
The music in "Chaps In Chaps!" is good, though.
And the natural dapple of light in the ambush is very nice.
I wonder, would you have any of the original production reports or scripts - from your father's films? - I have it all.
This isn't a town.
I want to play cowboy in a town.
Hang on, Dandy Dan.
I got a good feeling about this place.
- It feels safe here.
- Oh, I hear what you're saying, Lacey.
Or Cassie.
Yes, ma'am.
A man can lay down some roots here.
- There they are! - Let's get 'em! (GUNFIRE) - Ambush! Go! - Ahh! (GUNFIRE) - The loo! - What? - The dunny! - What? The poop shack over there! Jenkins must have patched us through to the right movie.
All right, you guys make a run for it.
I'll cover you.
- Take Frannie.
- Okay.
- (SHOUTING) - (GUNFIRE) (SHOUTING) Oh, hoo-hoo.
Pretty sure we're in the wrong movie again! (FOGHORN BLARES) (GRUNTS) For the last time, Dr.
Erving, what's your interest in ruby necklaces? (GRUNTS) Okay! I think this plot point's been achieved.
Let's move on.
Listen to this guy.
Cool customer.
Dr.
Julius Erving, "The Iceman.
" Technically, George Gervin was "The Iceman.
" How about I tell you what you're not telling me? Madeline Kincaid sent you along with your Hey, where's the dame? She must have slipped out.
She won't get far.
Tell Madeline Kincaid there's nothing left for her on this ship no more.
She made damn sure of that when she left.
Surprised? Madeline didn't share the full story with you.
Par for the course with a dame like that.
Give her my love when you see her.
Oh, yeah, give her this for me, too.
(GRUNTS) Okay, Chico, over the side.
Water will wake him up, then find the dame.
Right, Shaz.
(SOBBING) (DOOR OPENS) (APES GIBBERING) Why am I still in the cowboy outfit? At least you're not the one wearing lipstick.
Commander Reed Steele, we meet again.
I was not fooled by your disguise.
Dr.
Alexandra Westbrook, lovely as ever.
Young Jub Jub.
My, how you've grown.
Almost a man.
Commander, did you really think that your puny Xenonian Stinger fleet could defeat a Blandorian warship, let alone one commanded by me, Dradok, High Priest of Blandoor? - Jub Jub? - I got this.
Dradok, you fool! The stinger squadron was only a decoy.
When the Alliance learned you were commanding this ship, all Xenonian battle cruisers were deployed, and at warp speed.
But to Blandoor! What the hell are you doing? It's "Brain Robbers From Planet Alpha Xenon Six.
" A classic.
- You lie! - Do I? The why don't you try reaching Blandoor on the Telespectravision? Or do you fear I speak the truth? Open a channel! (GRUNTS) Ha! Ha! Ha! Congratulations, Dradok! You're the last remaining High Priest.
If only there were a planet to return to, you would be king.
You forget one thing, doctor.
You are not guests on this ship.
You are prisoners.
And though I may be the last Blandorian, I will exact a revenge so complete that every vanquished Blandorian in the Ethranox will feel justly and sweetly avenged! Take them to the Cranial Cleansing Bloc! Ah, I forgot that part.
Sorry, guys.
I tried.
Who is this woman in all these early photos? Oh, I don't know her name.
She's probably a secretary or a girlfriend.
Or both.
She's in all the Doyle/Dupree stills.
Something familiar about her.
Oh, hey, what about this? The hand from "Seduce the Wind.
" The one that Lon Harrington used - On Vivian Nance.
- (GASPS) - Same one.
- (SOFT BEEPING) Very, very unique item.
But not what we're looking for.
Okay, well, what exactly are we looking for? Something that specifically pertains to the films in question or an item that has commonality between them.
I wish his stuff were more organized.
You must have loved your father very much to honor his work this way.
He was a difficult man to love.
But I was grateful to him.
He and my mom adopted me when I was a baby.
- Your mother? - They divorced when I was four.
My mom died when I was eight.
I was mostly raised by boarding schools.
And I missed him.
But you know what's funny? I always felt closer to the films where the best of him is.
I got it.
I got it! His typewriter.
He wrote all his scripts on it.
- Nicely handled.
- Thanks for the warning.
- Nice place you have here.
- This is your place.
Where do you live? I got a penthouse uptown overlooking the park.
That must be nicer.
Okay, ah! What happens next? Why don't you step over here and find out? (THUNDER) (SULTRY MUSIC PLAYING) I see we've arrived at the love scene.
I'd say you've earned it.
You know, Eve, you missed your era.
In these clothes, in this light, you're the cat's pajamas.
I have to confess, I've had this fantasy.
- Have you really? - Mm-hmm.
The only trouble is the fade out.
(BEEPING) - BOTH: Bingo.
- (CHUCKLES) Yes, the typewriter is the artifact.
Now, "The Found, the Lost, and the Looking," the script.
"The Found, the Lost, and the Looking," okay.
The scripts are over here.
I know they're kept over here.
"The Found" "The Found, the Lost, and the Looking.
" (CHUCKLES) I got it.
- The original script.
Wow.
- Excellent.
Now, all right, so - Who's "E.
Darnell"? - I don't know.
Really? 'Cause it says "The Found, the Lost, and the Looking," by E.
Darnell.
No, that can't be right.
My dad wrote all his scripts.
Very interesting.
So, Dr.
Erving, or is it Mr.
Doyle? Back for round two? Boys, take Pearl below.
She don't like the sight of blood.
But before you go, don't worry, sweetheart, Daddy'll give it back.
You'll never get away with this.
Oh, no? Two thieves break into my office to steal a rare ruby necklace, both get shot trying to flee the scene.
Who'll say different? Looks like your boys might have missed this little fellow, Shaz, when they frisked me.
Hands up! - Ahh! - Sorry, Mr.
Doyle.
- Me, too.
- Madeline.
Yes, Tony, me.
How does it feel? You don't scare me.
You're pathetic.
Go ahead and shoot.
Don't do it, Madeline.
You can still walk away.
It's too late.
I can't come back.
I won't.
You're all bluff.
Take away your daddy's money and what are you? A so-so singer with too much past and too little future.
- Shut up.
- No husband.
- I mean it, shut up! - No talent.
- Don't say it.
- And no kid.
- (GROANS) - Flynn! (GUNSHOT) (GROANS) Ahem.
We're still in the movie.
- What happened? - I don't understand.
- Our calculations must have been off.
- We did everything right.
It should have worked.
We're trapped.
Right back where we started.
(PHONE RINGING) Doyle Investigations, Kitty speaking.
- How may I direct your call? - JENKINS: Colonel? - Jenkins! - Colonel Baird, can you hear me? Yes, yes.
Jenkins, help.
We're stuck in a loop.
What did we of wrong at the end? No, no, you did everything right.
- It's the wrong end.
- What does that mean? JENKINS: James Desmond Wheeler didn't write the movie.
He rewrote the ending.
I've got the original script in my hand, but the last four pages are torn out.
Yes.
And I have the shooting script, which is the identical ending of your movie.
You're saying that the original ended differently and we need to deduce how.
- Precisely.
- How? We just spent this whole movie as detectives and didn't deduce anything.
I'd suggest you stop being detectives and start being Librarians.
(CHUCKLES) All right, now Let's see if we can take care of the other Librarians.
The magic typewriter got us into this mess.
It should also get us out of it.
Madeline Kincaid and Tony first fell in love When she started singing at the club.
It was her daddy's money that bankrolled the construction of The S.
S.
Tango.
But then business started booming and Madeline went from being indispensable to disposable.
- And hell hath no fury - Like a woman scorned.
What are we missing? What are we missing? Wait.
How do we know she wants her necklace back? She doesn't want that.
That's the ruse she used to get us to play patsy.
You mentioned that, she didn't.
She said someone connected to the gaming industry had something of hers, but she didn't specify.
Question one, why did I assume that's what she wanted? Question two, what does she really want? Let's ask her.
(AUDIO FAST-FORWARDING) - Sorry, did that hurt? - Hurt, baby? I'm not even ticklish.
(FAST-FORWARDING) Here's to the found, the lost, and the looking.
- (KNOCKING) - MADELINE: Hello? Is anyone in? (FAST-FORWARDING) Come in.
Mr.
Doyle? Mr.
Mac Doyle? That's what my mama called me.
Take a seat, Miss Kincaid.
You know my lover and associate Kitty Dupree.
Uh, no.
How do you do? Mr.
Doyle, I'm here to discu Oh, I know all about your problem.
You want me to play the dual role of "Patsy Punching-Bag" and "Johnny Swiss-Cheese" in a bus-and-truck production of "I Musta Been Stupid.
" Well, sister, I caught wise when I caught wind the second you wafted in here.
Oh, I'm afraid I don't understand.
You're not alone.
You want to be a little less poetic, Mac? Tony The Shaz took something from you.
What was it? I, uh, we Oh, we know you were together.
We know your daddy's money financed an empire.
But then things got different and you wanted out.
And you took his pound of flesh as payment for a broken heart.
You're not just good, Mr.
Doyle.
You're clairvoyant.
You got all that just from my scent? Imagine what insight you might glean from my touch.
I keep a bungalow Enough with the bungalow, Madeline.
Not gonna happen.
What does Tony have? I never should have left him.
Then everything would have been okay.
He wasn't all bad, not always.
But he took something from you, didn't he? - Yes.
- To punish you for leaving.
Yes.
To hurt you in a way that only you could be hurt.
Yes.
But it wasn't a career that he took from you.
- No.
- Or your youth.
But he took something, Madeline, something irreplaceable.
Mm-hmm, yes.
And it wasn't your rubies, was it, Madeline? Tell me, what was it? It was My Pearl.
Madeline and Tony had a daughter, but they kept it hush-hush to avoid scandal, and when Madeline left, Tony took her.
That's who I saw below deck.
I wasn't there to find the necklace, I was there to see the girl.
Wheeler changed the whole movie by rewriting the last four pages.
He changed the heroine to a femme fatale, the villain to a victim.
And the pearl to a ruby.
(GRUNTING) For the last time, Dr.
Erving, what's your interest in ruby necklaces? Gift for your mom.
(GRUNTS) So, Dr.
J, or is it Mr.
Doyle? Back for round two? Boys, take Pearl below.
She don't like the sight of blood.
But before you go, don't worry, sweetheart, Daddy'll give it back.
You'll never get away with this.
Oh, no? Two thieves break into my office, to steal a rare ruby necklace, both get shot trying to flee the scene.
Who'll say different? Looks like your boys might have missed this little fellow, Shaz, when they frisked me.
- Hands up! - Tony? - Madeline? - Yes, Tony, it's me.
- I've come to apologize.
- TONY: What? You don't scare me.
Go ahead and shoot.
I know I hurt you, Tony, but please, don't punish Pearl for something I did.
That's a lie.
You're all bluff.
Take away your daddy's money and what are you? A so-so singer with too much past and too little future.
I don't care about my future, Tony.
- Only Pearl's future.
- Shut up! - I'm sorry, Tony.
- I said shut up! I loved you once, and you loved me.
If you love her, let her go.
Never! This story ends one way only.
- Drop it, Doyle! - Ah! Boys! Alright, boys you know what to do.
Fit 'em with cement shoes and make 'em fish food.
Oh! Watch out! Tex Mangrove was was his Name Cassandra, keep 'em covered while Stone and Ezekiel tie 'em up.
Then call LAPD Harbor Patrol and tell 'em to get Tony The Shaz on a 207.
Kitty, what do you say we take Madeline downstairs and show her what she came for? (BOTH SOBBING) Why? Why go back and change what he'd written? He didn't.
He changed what I'd written.
Uh, sorry, Eleanor.
I don't understand.
Wait.
Eleanor Are you E.
Darnell? I am.
I met your father when I was 19.
Oh, it was wonderful.
A true collaboration.
I didn't care about the credit.
But then he took you, too.
You're my mother? I am your mother.
And I have never stopped loving you.
I love you.
(NOIR MUSIC PLAYING) So James Desmond Wheeler did not write the five Doyle/Dupree movies.
Nope.
They were written entirely by his young assistant Eleanor Darnell.
The had an affair, she got pregnant And to avoid scandal, Wheeler convinced Eleanor to let him and his wife raise Jade as their own.
He gave her some money, sent her off.
And then she wrote "The Found, the Lost, and the Looking" and sent it to Wheeler and prayed that he'd make it in the hopes that the real story underneath would one day come to light.
It did.
Just took a jolt from a super-charged ley line to make that prayer come true.
And me getting shot twice and beaten.
Not to mention some very keen detective work.
Thank you, Jenkins.
Fun date.
What do you say next time we stay home and watch Hulu? I have to say, shootings and beatings aside, this may have been my favorite date ever.
- Really? - Yeah.
I got to go into a world that I've fantasized about since I was nine.
I got to see a very different side of you dashing, sexy, confident.
How was that a different side? Well, I mean, he's he's you're you are not that you're not, but Mac? Mac's just so, uh, you know.
He's and you try (SULTRY MUSIC PLAYING) (THEME MUSIC PLAYING)