The Righteous Gemstones (2019) s04e04 Episode Script
He Goeth Before You Into Galilee
1
[TV STATIC DRONES]
[BRIGHT TONE]
[SOFT MUSIC]
[WHISTLING]
Good job, baby!
♪
Ooh, look at Daddy.
He's on one ski!
♪
Praise ♪
♪
Praise ♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
Yeah, Pontius, don't be grinding rails
in the fucking driveway.
You're gonna leave scratch marks.
So?
No one even comes here anymore.
Do not disrespect Galilee Gulch.
This is our ancestral
family vacation home.
Dad's right, Pontius.
Don't disrespect the vacation home.
Get a frickin' life, you dork.
Such a little ass-kiss.
I didn't wait, Abraham, what?
- Not you too.
- What?
I call it like I see it, bro.
Pontius, set a good example
for your brother and get a bag.
Pontius, grab a fucking bag.
The lake house ♪
The lake house ♪
Doo, doo, doo, doo ♪
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo ♪
Of course this lake house
is not at all accessible
to the differently abled.
Why am I even here?
BJ, please stop complaining.
Everything's gonna be fine.
How's it gonna be fine?
There's stairs everywhere.
Oh, my God.
Dude, we are at the lake house.
This is gonna be good for you.
It's exactly what you
need is this fresh air.
What I need are some fresh ramps.
How am I gonna get around by myself?
Also, who are these guys?
They haven't even introduced themselves.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, dude!
Whoa, excuse me.
I don't know you.
Hey, Keefe, sweetheart.
Don't forget the trunk.
I'm glad I decided
to bring all my shoes.
That way I have options.
Is your uncle waterskiing naked?
Yeah, he loves doing that.
Looks like a blast.
Perhaps we should join?
Ew, Keefe, I'm not gonna
hang dong with my uncle.
Trunk!
I need my shoes.
Your wish is my command.
♪
Brass Tacks, your daddy and Lori Milsap
fucked each other yet?
Unfortunately, all signs are
pointing to full penetration.
Hmm.
I knew it.
Your daddy's feeling
sexy with that long hair.
Ugh, just picture Daddy's shaft
going into Lori's elderly juice pit.
Ugh!
That is too awful to even think about.
No, thank you.
Can't Daddy just go back to
being lonely and depressed?
No, that ship has sailed.
At this point, all we can do is just
fuck up whatever they got going on.
That's right.
Mm-hmm.
Break them up, ruin their lives.
Make them feel exactly how I feel.
Fucking miserable.
Yes.
Now you're talking.
Well, you can't stand by watching
while your daddy gives
your inheritance away.
And what if they was to get married?
Ugh!
Now, Miss Lori's in good shape.
Hell, she's probably
gonna outlive Jesse.
- Oh, she definitely will.
- She definitely will.
- Yes.
- Say what? No. Uh-uh.
No, look, that's the
point of this weekend.
Daddy hates the lake house.
It reminds him of Mama.
That's the whole entire reason
I wanted to throw down here.
Make Daddy feel awkward
around Miss Lori.
Throw him off his game.
Throw him off balance.
Create confusion.
Yeah.
A devious plot.
I like it.
[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC]
You got a duty, as sons and daughters,
to make sure your daddy stops
fucking your dead mama's best friend.
But you got to work in the shadows.
On the surface, you're playing nice.
Play nice.
Cause it's time to fight for your mama.
Yep.
BOTH: For our mama.
Mama!
Let's fuck this bitch up.
♪
You having second thoughts, darling?
I haven't been here since she passed.
I know.
It brings back a lot of memories.
Yeah.
[SIGHS] For me too.
Boy, we had a lot of good times here
together with our families.
[LAUGHS]
But you know what, if
you don't want to do this,
we can just leave.
No, the kids are making an effort.
Yeah.
Glad you're here with me.
Me too, darlin'.
[LAUGHTER]
All right, so which
which closet do you want me using?
Oh, use that one. Use that closet.
[LAUGHS] All right.
[LAUGHS]
Oh.
Um
Oh. I'm sorry.
Uh, I'll have those things moved.
No, that that's OK.
I'll I'll keep everything in my bag.
It's totally fine.
No, you won't.
You're gonna use that closet.
I don't know what those things
are still doing in there.
I don't hear no crying,
but I don't hear no fucking either.
What y'all doing out here?
Nothing. Chilling.
What's up with you?
Can you get the help?
Some of Mama's clothes
are still in the closet.
I want them moved out of the room.
Well, maybe they're just there
because that's Mama's closet.
Yeah, is Miss Lori asking you
to clear all Mama's stuff out, Daddy?
'Cause if she is, that's messed up.
She's not asking for nothing.
I am.
Hey, hey, hey. What?
Stop fighting me.
Lionel, here, play with Daddy's truck.
Right up here. Open these doors.
Where the fuck is Sola?
She's changing.
What's she changing for?
Ain't nobody give a
fuck what she's wearing.
She's the nanny.
We ain't paying her to
put on fashion shows.
We paying her to nann.
OK.
Sola, Sola!
There she is.
I got dressed.
She's getting dressed.
You been gone this whole time,
and that's the outfit
you decide to put on?
Look here.
Take these kids so we
can enjoy this meal.
Come here.
And don't don't forget this one.
Thank you, Sola.
- Here, you can have this one.
- Danke.
All right. Go, go.
- Danke.
- Get out.
Go.
I hate that nanny.
Fucking Kraut,
or wherever the fuck she's from.
- I'm hungry.
- OK.
Let's go, hangry mister,
get you some food.
- Hey, Beej.
- Oh!
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- What?
Cheers.
OK.
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah.
What's so funny over there,
Tweedledee and Tweedledum?
Granddad was just telling a joke.
[LAUGHS]
Funny, I didn't realize that
Daddy was a stand-up comic.
Oh, that's cause I'm old.
Now I'm a sit-down comic.
[LAUGHS]
That is a good one.
Eli, did you come up with that?
So dumb. Don't laugh at that.
That's clever.
I thought that was a
clever thing to say.
No, it's not.
[GLASS CLINKING]
Just want to say thank
you to the Gemstones
for inviting us to Galilee Gulch.
- Mm-hmm.
- So nice to be back.
[LAUGHS]
Uh, I also want to
apologize for my reaction
to Mr. Eli and my mama finding
solace with one another.
Oh.
Ever since my parents got divorced,
sometimes I let my emotions
get the better of me.
We don't know what that's like.
[LAUGHTER]
Corey, we forgive you.
Now, I'm not one to come
to a party empty-handed.
So
- Oh!
- What is this?
- Whoa!
- Oh, my word.
I have provided us this weekend
with over 100 pounds of pork.
- Dang.
- Oh!
Prime pickins, yeah!
[CHEERS, CLAPPING]
That's a lot.
Yes.
Now we're talking.
Benefits of being a
pork sales rep, y'all.
Yeah.
Let's be real.
No one wants that much pork.
I do.
Gemstones do it big.
You don't know, Jana.
[LAUGHS]
Y'all, I just wanted to say
that I know that me and Eli carrying on
has been a big change for everybody.
So we just wanted to thank you
for your open hearts and minds.
ALL: Aw.
Well, you're gonna
need open heart surgery
after eating 100 pounds of BBQ.
[LAUGHTER]
I know I will.
Don't be a wise-ass, Jana.
[LAUGHTER]
I just wanted to say thank you.
Thank you for putting this together,
for giving Miss Lori and me a shot.
I know it's tough.
I can see you trying.
Of course, Daddy.
We just got a little
loopy over it is all.
Yeah, we just needed a hot minute
to get our heads around it, you know?
It's cool.
We love you.
I love you, kids.
[SOFT MUSIC]
I've avoided coming out
here for a long time.
I thought it would be
painful, but I got to tell you,
I'm having a great time.
[LAUGHS]
It's gonna be another classic
Gemstones lake weekend.
Yes, it is.
Whoo!
Bring it in.
[LAUGHTER]
Butt heads.
Yes.
Mm, love you, kids.
[LAUGHTER]
Are you thinking the
same thing we're thinking
about this fucking nonsense?
You mean between my mama and Eli?
Well, once I settled down,
I realized it was actually a good thing.
What?
I can't believe the shit
I'm hearing right now.
You support this?
I was angry too.
My mama, she's got a history
of being unlucky in love.
I didn't want anything
to mess up our friendship.
I always looked at you, Judy, Kelvin,
as the siblings I never had.
Maybe this will work out.
We'll be bros for real.
[LAUGHS]
Besides, if my mama was
gonna end up with somebody,
better Eli than Big Dick Mitch
down at the Benz dealership.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
Big Dick Mitch?
Yeah, that's the guy she was dating.
To be honest, I thought
they were still dating.
♪
I like Eli way more, though.
♪
I could use a drink.
Maybe I want one of those.
Oh, BJ, let's get you another one, huh?
- Yeah.
- Another one.
There you go. My turn. I'm up.
[LAUGHTER]
Get in that hole, you damn corn!
- Oh!
- [CHEERS]
- Goddamn!
- OK.
I just keep winning.
Classic Baby Billy.
- So humble.
- What?
Ain't nothing to be humble about, Eli.
"Bible Bonkers" is a smash.
And there's more where
that came from too.
I ain't finished yet, Janice.
Ooh.
Baby Billy's got all the
good ideas in his head.
I just got peanuts
floating around in mine.
Oh, yeah? Like what?
Eli over here talking
about, yeah, like what?
You know, technically,
I think you and me, Eli,
stopped being brother in-laws
after Aimee-Leigh passed.
So no offense in your
not asking my permission
to start dating Miss Lori over there.
I apologize. I didn't
realize I needed to do that.
Of course you do.
But that's all right.
I'm gonna let it go.
'Cause when you this age,
you got to get it where
you can get it, am I right?
[LAUGHTER]
- Mm!
- [FARTS] Oh!
Damn, woman, did you just pass wind?
You scared me.
Uh-uh.
No, no, you got to go wash that.
- Mm-hmm.
- Go on, clean that up.
That's disgusting. No.
Wash good, now.
Eli, I really am happy
for you and my mama.
I'm not just saying that.
Thank you, Corey.
I appreciate that.
I think it's sweet you
two have each other.
It makes so much sense.
Throw the bag, Jana.
Give me a chance.
You know, it really does make sense.
I mean, we've been friends
for most of our lives.
Yeah.
Thank God you all found each other.
I for one, am so glad
that Daddy beat out
Big Dick Mitch at the Benz dealership.
Yeah, obviously, Daddy
is a much better choice
than Big Dick Mitch for Miss Lori.
- Mm-hmm.
- Wait, what?
Yeah.
It's a big old no on
Big Dick Mitch for me.
I'm Team Daddy all the way.
Mm-hmm.
- Big Dick Mitch?
- No
- Who is that?
- Eli
- Guys, please.
- Corey!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did Miss Lori not tell you?
That's the guy that she was seeing.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
Or maybe still seeing.
Still dating, I'm not sure.
- No, I don't really know.
- No.
[LAUGHTER]
You're adults. It's
none of our business.
Yeah.
Who's winning the cornhole game?
No, you got the wrong information.
Oh, damn.
How embarrassing for you, Eli.
That must sting
a luxury car salesman
fishing in the same
pond with a big pole.
Ooh, that's no good
now, the biggest pole.
- Darlin'
- It just came out.
I'm gonna go refresh this here drink.
Are you fucking kidding me, Corey?
Jesus Christ.
Hey, want to find out?
[LAUGHTER]
It's working.
They're having to go have a talk.
[LAUGHTER]
Damn, Jesse, you did me dirty.
Oh, I was just giving
him the facts, that's all.
For the greater good, Cor.
Yeah.
Corey, honesty is the blasis
for every great relationship.
That's true. It is the blasis.
- It's for sure the blasis.
- Yes, the blasis.
[LAUGHTER]
- It is the blasis.
- Mm.
What the fuck is blasis?
I'm sorry.
I don't even know what that was about.
That Mitch, he's just a guy that
I went out with a couple of times.
I mean, there wasn't even
any spark or anything.
Well, you know, we never
put a label on this thing,
so I mean, you're free
to do whatever you want.
I just want to know what
I signed up for, I guess.
[LAUGHTER]
I haven't opened up to anybody
in such a long time,
and I don't want to look the fool.
Are you gonna see
other people or just me?
I mean, I
I ain't seeing anybody but you.
But, I mean
Well, do you want to go steady,
or do you want to try to be exclusive,
or
Oh, well, Eli, I
I mean, I don't know how to say this,
but
fuck yeah, I want to go steady!
Oh, goddamn.
I thought we already were.
Oh!
I thought we was going steady.
Oh, we are now.
- Hot damn.
- You scared the shit out of me.
[LAUGHS]
Mm-mm.
We're in a gigantic lake house,
and they put Mama's
old clothes in our room?
I don't think so.
Daddy doesn't want to look
at 'em, why would I want to?
Mm, nope.
These clothes go.
Bye-bye.
I'm out of here.
Honestly, at this point,
it's disrespectful.
- Yeah.
- Right?
Arrivederci, Mama's clothes.
- Get them out of here.
- Yeah.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Ooh, scary movies.
[LAUGHS]
Get em, Jason, kill em all!
Forgive me if I snuggle close.
Oh!
[GROWLING]
Burrow and snug to your
heart's contentment.
Use my high body temp to warm you.
Kneel down.
♪
That's my good boy.
Good Jason.
♪
Oh!
It's OK.
She's just doing dress-'em-ups.
[CHUCKLES]
You know, I love seeing
you and your brothers
out here together again.
Just like the way it used to be.
You know, when Aimee-Leigh was around.
Pontius definitely was
a little less psycho
when Grandma was here.
I'm starting to really worry about him.
Yeah, I'm glad Mama's
dead, and not alive,
to see the way that
Daddy is betraying her.
I don't know, baby.
I think maybe she'd be happy for Eli.
Huh? Not a chance.
Amber, imagine if you
had a very close friend.
I I do have very close friends.
No, I know I'm just saying, like,
if you had a really close
friend and then you died,
and I started fucking that person.
Imagine that in detail.
I don't want to.
Yeah, Dad, what? Yuck!
Exactly, it's yuck.
That's what I'm saying.
Mama's probably rolling
over in her grave right now.
Bones all rattling,
clawing and screeching,
light about to explode
out of her skull eyes.
I don't think that you should picture
your mama like that, Jesse.
I don't know, I think
she'd probably want Eli
to be happy at the end of the day.
I think that's what I
would want if I were gone.
That's what you would want?
Yeah.
Your best friend?
I just roll over to her
house, bring some cheeses,
some wines, pop on some smooth jazz
[LAUGHS]
And then just start fucking pounding.
- Oh.
- Just fucking balls deep.
Just fucking going in there.
Your bestest friend,
right fucking there.
That's what you want?
Make her squirt everywhere.
Ruin the walls.
Ruin the mattress topper.
Finally do some ass stuff.
That's what you want?
Yeah, Dad, I really don't think
Granddad and Miss Lori's
thing is like that.
You don't know, Gideon.
I wouldn't be surprised
if they break up by
the end of this weekend.
Call it a strong-ass hunch.
Bullseye!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
You out here practicing kung fu?
Bruce Lee!
I could have used your help inside.
Damn Aimee-Leigh Jr. Exploded a diaper,
and Lionel spilled country gravy
all over the pack and play.
You need?
Yes, I need, bitch.
I need for you to do your fucking job.
Now get over here and get
these kids out of my sight.
Go on, now.
Don't be bowing to me.
Go. Get.
Thank you, Sola.
- Get!
- Bye!
Dang, baby.
You could have been nicer.
I ain't trying to make friends.
Damn Kraut.
She got them old world villain vibes.
Make me feel like Indiana Jones.
Not that bad.
I don't want to talk about her no more.
Time for me to get my lake swim on.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
Ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
Ding, ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
- Yes!
- Yes!
Ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
- Whoo-wee!
- [LAUGHS]
♪
Ding, ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
Ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
Ding, ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
Ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
[LAUGHS]
Ding, ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
Ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
♪
Dang.
♪
Go, girl. Whoo!
Yeah, Mama!
♪
[VOCALIZING]
♪
[GROANS]
Man, I feel like something is weird,
because we haven't seen Daddy
or Miss Lori all morning.
Yeah, well, they're probably
fighting, trying to leave.
[LAUGHS] Fingers crossed.
I feel bad about it.
I didn't want you guys to say anything.
No reason for anyone to get hurt.
Oh, Cor, don't feel bad.
Someone's always gotta get hurt.
That's how we roll.
[LAUGHTER]
What the fuck is this shit?
[LAUGHTER]
They're laughing and smiling?
I thought the Big
Dick Mitch shit worked.
Well, clearly, Big Dick
Mitch didn't do shit.
Oh, my God.
I bet they've been up
there mashing pubes forever.
Oh, God damn it.
Well, I know it's the unpopular opinion,
but I'm glad about it.
You're glad about
your Mom mashing pubes?
No, Jana.
Don't try to be funny.
What? It's gross.
I know what you meant, Cory.
Eli and Lori are cute together.
What?
It's kind of like a
like a Hallmark movie.
Two old friends find love.
The heartbroken king and the beautiful,
yet common sense woman who grounds him.
The only thing is that here,
there is no jealous person
trying to stand in their way.
Those are usually the
bad guys in the stories.
Well, not always, Amber.
Sometimes the characters
that are doing the fucking
are actually the bad
guys, and sometimes,
the disgusted onlookers are actually
the ones who know better.
Yes, exactly.
So quit telling stories and realize that
your husband has seen way
more movies than you have.
- [LAUGHTER]
- No doubt, no doubt.
- Amen.
- No doubt.
Trying to break down
Hallmark character archetypes.
[LAUGHS] You ain't gonna
beat me on that one.
- [LAUGHTER]
- Uh-uh.
- That's his shit, homie.
- That's my shit.
He loves Hallmark movies.
There's nothing in here I like.
I hate all these lake house snacks.
Beej, don't be getting
mad at the snacks.
It's not the snacks's fault
you're in a wheelchair.
Oh, OK.
Thanks for that.
God dang.
Did he just drop the snackses?
[TENSE MUSIC]
Some of my finest
memories at Galilee Gulch
were spent right here doing
splishing and splashing
with the Milsaps.
So true. [LAUGHS]
You know, back then,
Corey's daddy, Mr. Cobb,
was still in the picture,
and our mama was still alive.
So, you know, different
vibes, different vibes.
But I'm glad that we can
all still come together
and keep the tradition
of the lake house going,
just like those two never
even existed, thank God.
Yeah, thank God.
Man, one of my favorite parts
of coming up here to the lake
has always been lake talents.
- Aw.
- Lake talents!
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- I remember lake talents.
I know you did.
Our Mama always loved
when we shared our talents
for the enjoyment of
the rest of the fam.
So right now, I would like
to share our talent of song.
Well, gosh, I can't wait.
Well, you won't have to,
because we're gonna do
it for you right now.
[LAUGHS] This is so good.
OK, let's just do the spin-around.
The spin. Yes.
[LAUGHTER]
[BOTH MURMURING INDISTINCTLY]
Snap three times.
[SNAPPING]
ALL: Mama's here ♪
Mama's here ♪
Oh, Mama always loved her daughter ♪
And didn't want anyone
else in the house ♪
That Daddy loved more than her ♪
And the daughter ♪
ALL: Mama's here ♪
Mama's here ♪
She's watching all
the people in the room ♪
Seeing the choices others
have made and wondering ♪
Why? ♪
Why are you making these choices? ♪
[OVERLAPPING SINGING]
Why would you make these choices? ♪
You shouldn't be doing it ♪
ALL: Mama's here ♪
Mama's here ♪
Mama is now an angel ♪
Soaring high above the sky ♪
But when she sees something ♪
Like a sinner in her eyes ♪
Sinner ♪
She will come down upon you ♪
And haunt you for
the rest of your life ♪
And ruin everything that you love ♪
And ruin your all of you ♪
Kill you ♪
Because ♪
ALL: Mama's here ♪
She's still here. She's here, everybody.
- She's here. She's right here.
- She never left.
- She's here right now.
- Mm.
- OK.
- [HESITANT CLAPPING]
[SOFT MUSIC]
I'm gonna go take a piss.
Oh.
Well
I liked it.
- Good, I'm glad you liked it.
- Yeah.
'Cause we made it special.
It was for you, so
Yeah.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Just can't believe our
lake talents didn't work.
- Damn it.
- Now they're gonna fall
in love and do happily-ever-afters
- with each other.
- Don't say that.
Don't fucking say that, Kelvin!
Fuck!
I'm gonna handle this, bros.
Look, I didn't want
to pull this trick out,
but we got no choice.
It's special powers time.
What you talking about, special powers?
♪
Time to turn a bitch out.
♪
What?
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
There she is.
Just where I want her.
What?
You heard me, beautiful.
Why don't you slide on
out of that cotton dress,
let me snack on that pussy?
[SIGHS] Come again?
[LAUGHS] Yeah. You are
gonna come, Miss Lori.
So congrats.
About to get that
bean flicked good, son.
Somebody is gonna be
spraying like a whale
breaching the surface.
[CHUCKLES]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
What the fuck?
♪
OK, we're doing slap box?
- Mm.
- All right.
- Let's get it spicy.
- OK.
What do you think of a blank check, huh?
♪
How about I scratch this
off for a cool half a mil?
Huh?
How about that?
Look.
Uhh
All you have to do is
break up with my daddy
and never show your fucking smirky face
around my family ever again.
I know you want this.
I know you do, Miss Lori.
[LAUGHS]
Look, $500,000.
You could buy a ton of giant bras,
get you a bunch of those panties
that have the piss-catchers inside.
Bet you like those.
Here, just take it.
Take it. Or are you too proud?
No, I ain't too proud at all.
Uh-uh.
But, you know, I'm also not stupid.
If I was in it for the
money with your daddy,
don't you think I'd hold out
for a fuck of a lot
more than half a million?
Oh, my God, you are angling
for my family's wealth.
I knew it, and it's out there.
Let me tell you something.
You better back on up,
cause you're gonna get got,
bitch, cause, guess what.
I'm Daddy's little princess,
and if I tell my daddy to dump you,
he's gonna dump you.
- Uh mm.
- And I'll tell him that you tried to rape me.
Stop, Miss Lori.
Oh, my God.
Don't be bumping on my bare titty meat.
- God.
- Oh, boy.
Stop.
Miss Lori, quit.
Oh, God.
Why would you do that?
Quit raping me.
Uh!
Help.
Are you done?
Are you done?
I don't know.
Do you not understand
what is happening here?
Your husband, who you love, is hurt,
and you don't even know
if he's gonna get better.
I get it you're
trying to mama-talk me.
I won't have it.
- No, I'm not.
- I don't want it.
That's not cool, Miss Lori.
I understand that you're in pain.
Mm-mm.
I do.
But listen, you gotta
stop trying to take it out
on your daddy and me.
That is not fair.
[SCOFFS]
Judy.
♪
Mm-mm, no.
This is exactly how you
acted when your mama got sick.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
♪
No, it ain't.
I remember it.
You have insufficient
data on that, Miss Lori.
So that's fucked up.
Wrong.
Does not compute.
[SCOFFS]
- All right.
- No, thanks.
OK.
[SIGHS]
Anything I can do to help?
No, Keefe.
Not unless you can bring
my mama back from the dead.
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪
Dress em up.
♪
[SINGERS VOCALIZING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
[ELI SNORING]
Eli, it's me
the spirit form of your dead wife,
Aimee-Leigh.
Oh-oh-oh-oh! Ooh, ooh!
Eli, break up with her.
You're hurting your family,
especially your youngest son.
I'm your one true love.
Eli, break up with her.
Mama told me not to ♪
I did anyway ♪
Misbehavin' ♪
[SCREAMS]
Baby? Whoa!
- Ah!
- Ah!
[SCREAMING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
What the?
Who are you?
I'm just a ghost.
I'm a friendly ghost.
[BLOWS LANDING]
♪
[GLASS SHATTERING]
[GROANING]
Sola! Sola!
- What do you want?
- Aus!
Nein! Heel!
What the hell is all this?
Get over here. Get over here.
Mother is talking.
What?
Mother is talking.
No, I heard what you said.
Why are you wearing
my dead wife's clothes?
The boy is sick in the head.
That's a boy?
Daddy, I can explain.
What kind of a dumb prank is this?
You ruined what could have
been a perfect weekend.
We didn't ruin it.
You ruined it.
You don't even care that
there's all these
reminders of Mama here.
Oh, so that's what this is about.
You don't approve?
And I heard about your
little stunt, Judy.
- God.
- You bitch.
What did you tell him?
- The truth.
- Cool, Daddy.
So I guess now you're gonna
take her side over mine?
I sure am, seeing as
how my three children
are conniving behind my back to hurt me.
Why did you even invite
us down to the lake
if this is how you felt?
To trick you, Daddy.
To make you break up
with fucking Miss Lori.
Maybe if you weren't so busy
trying to insert yourself
into my son's life,
you would have figured it out.
Insert myself?
Oh, I feel like there's a
different way to say that.
Stop trying to insert
yourself into my son.
Boy, this is it.
I have heard it all.
You all are a bunch of goddamn idiots.
Eli, that feels a bit harsh.
Shut the fuck up, Amber.
[COUGHS]
[TENSE MUSIC]
[STIFLED LAUGHTER]
[SPUTTERS]
[QUIETLY] Shut the fuck up.
♪
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
♪
Hey, let's get a group photo.
- Group photo?
- Yeah.
- Let's go.
- Group photo.
- All right.
- Group photo.
Let's do it.
We should wait for Lori and Eli.
No, we're not gonna wait
for Miss Lori and Daddy.
They ain't coming down.
They don't want to be around people.
So let's just do the picture.
Hey, hey, where you going?
You ain't in this family.
You taking the photo.
Let's go, over there.
Go on.
Picture-taker is the best job, Sola.
- Yeah, you look pretty.
- Thank you!
- [LAUGHS]
- Smile, Beej.
All right. Everybody squeeze in.
Let's say Galilee Gulch.
ALL: Galilee Gulch!
- There you go.
- OK.
- All right.
- Thank you.
- Let's go.
- Adios.
- Bye, y'all.
- OK.
Bye-bye.
You gotta give him his phone back.
- Bye, niece!
- You got half a charge.
- Let's go.
- Bye, guys.
- Close the trunk.
- Later.
- Come on.
- Goodbye!
- Close that trunk.
- I'm driving!
- See you guys.
- I'm driving!
All right. Bye!
You're not driving. Bye.
Bye, Corey.
Ah, Daddy.
Daddy.
OK. Can we be done with this shit?
Dang! You scared the heck out of me.
Forgot you were even there, dude.
Yeah, everybody forgot I was here,
especially for the picture.
No, Beej, I said smile, BJ.
I smiled.
Nobody could see me 'cause
I'm stranded back here.
Y'all need lessons in advocacy.
I don't have to be screaming for myself.
Dude, you're really bad
at being at the lake.
No, Jesse. Don't be
tapping his shoulder.
- Thanks, Jesse.
- No.
- Kevin, stop!
- Ow, ow!
Well, I have half a mind to leave
before Daddy even awakens.
I don't want to talk to that man
after he scolded Keith like that.
Yeah, he was pretty rough on Amber too.
I have never been yelled
at like that by Eli.
Well, he yells at us like
that all the fucking time.
He's verbally abusive.
Yeah, he did humiliate
you, though, Amber.
[LAUGHTER]
That was a very well-timed
"Shut the fuck up."
[LAUGHS]
Don't laugh at that.
That was not a very well-timed anything.
You better just mind your P's and Q's,
or I'll start ripping
on Wheels over here.
Don't Jesse.
Wheels?
Y'all, I was the one that was
way out of line last nighttime.
I overstepped my bounds.
I agree with you.
Eli would have never snapped at me
if you hadn't enraged him first.
Mm.
The man has a right to be mad.
This whole trip was a ruse
just to get him and Miss Lori
to break up.
BJ's got a point.
We'll never stop Daddy from
leaving Mama's memory behind
if we're on the outs with him.
Yeah, it's probably exactly
what Miss Lori wanted.
I guess it's up to us to
be the adults in the room.
We should apologize to Daddy.
- Oh.
- Oh.
[SIGHS]
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
- No, no.
- No.
Uh-uh.
No spouses, just the main siblings.
♪
ALL: Apologize to Daddy.
[SINGING IN SPANISH]
♪
[MOANING]
[SCREAMS]
[ALL SCREAMING]
[SCREAMS]
- Get the fuck out of here!
- [ALL SCREAMING]
Hey.
[ALL SCREAMING]
Get out of here!
- Dude!
- Oh, God.
- Ooh.
- God.
- Yuck!
- Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Why did you all burst in like that?
Daddy, you were 69ing!
Where was your nose, Daddy?
I'm sorry.
I wasn't expecting anybody
to come busting into my room!
Well, we came to apologize!
We were trying to be the bigger mans.
Well, you can still do that.
I love you kids.
I I don't want to fight.
It was traumatizing, Daddy.
You were licking another
woman that wasn't Mama.
We don't want you to forget about Mama.
I will never forget about your mama.
Daddy?
Yes, sweetheart?
Your dick is leaking pre-cum,
and it's leaving a
wet spot on your pants.
- Oh!
- Oh!
Ah!
- Oh, God damn it!
- [ALL SHOUTING]
Why, Daddy?
Daddy came! Daddy came!
- Daddy came!
- Daddy came! Daddy came!
- Oh, Daddy came!
- Oh, God damn it.
Daddy came.
[ALL SHOUTING]
ALL: Fuck!
Here I go ♪
Falling down, down, down ♪
My mind is a blank ♪
My head is spinning
around and around ♪
As I go deep into the funnel of love ♪
♪
It's such a crazy, crazy feeling ♪
I get weak in the knees ♪
My poor old head is reeling ♪
As I go deep into the funnel of love ♪
♪
I tried and I tried to run and hide ♪
I even tried to run away ♪
You just can't run
from the funnel of love ♪
It's bound to get you someday ♪
Oh, oh ♪
It's such a crazy, crazy feeling ♪
I get weak in the knees ♪
My poor old head is reeling ♪
As I go deep into the funnel of love ♪
♪
Deep into the funnel of love ♪
Deep into the funnel of love ♪
[BRIGHT TONE]
[TV STATIC DRONES]
[BRIGHT TONE]
[SOFT MUSIC]
[WHISTLING]
Good job, baby!
♪
Ooh, look at Daddy.
He's on one ski!
♪
Praise ♪
♪
Praise ♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
Yeah, Pontius, don't be grinding rails
in the fucking driveway.
You're gonna leave scratch marks.
So?
No one even comes here anymore.
Do not disrespect Galilee Gulch.
This is our ancestral
family vacation home.
Dad's right, Pontius.
Don't disrespect the vacation home.
Get a frickin' life, you dork.
Such a little ass-kiss.
I didn't wait, Abraham, what?
- Not you too.
- What?
I call it like I see it, bro.
Pontius, set a good example
for your brother and get a bag.
Pontius, grab a fucking bag.
The lake house ♪
The lake house ♪
Doo, doo, doo, doo ♪
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo ♪
Of course this lake house
is not at all accessible
to the differently abled.
Why am I even here?
BJ, please stop complaining.
Everything's gonna be fine.
How's it gonna be fine?
There's stairs everywhere.
Oh, my God.
Dude, we are at the lake house.
This is gonna be good for you.
It's exactly what you
need is this fresh air.
What I need are some fresh ramps.
How am I gonna get around by myself?
Also, who are these guys?
They haven't even introduced themselves.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, dude!
Whoa, excuse me.
I don't know you.
Hey, Keefe, sweetheart.
Don't forget the trunk.
I'm glad I decided
to bring all my shoes.
That way I have options.
Is your uncle waterskiing naked?
Yeah, he loves doing that.
Looks like a blast.
Perhaps we should join?
Ew, Keefe, I'm not gonna
hang dong with my uncle.
Trunk!
I need my shoes.
Your wish is my command.
♪
Brass Tacks, your daddy and Lori Milsap
fucked each other yet?
Unfortunately, all signs are
pointing to full penetration.
Hmm.
I knew it.
Your daddy's feeling
sexy with that long hair.
Ugh, just picture Daddy's shaft
going into Lori's elderly juice pit.
Ugh!
That is too awful to even think about.
No, thank you.
Can't Daddy just go back to
being lonely and depressed?
No, that ship has sailed.
At this point, all we can do is just
fuck up whatever they got going on.
That's right.
Mm-hmm.
Break them up, ruin their lives.
Make them feel exactly how I feel.
Fucking miserable.
Yes.
Now you're talking.
Well, you can't stand by watching
while your daddy gives
your inheritance away.
And what if they was to get married?
Ugh!
Now, Miss Lori's in good shape.
Hell, she's probably
gonna outlive Jesse.
- Oh, she definitely will.
- She definitely will.
- Yes.
- Say what? No. Uh-uh.
No, look, that's the
point of this weekend.
Daddy hates the lake house.
It reminds him of Mama.
That's the whole entire reason
I wanted to throw down here.
Make Daddy feel awkward
around Miss Lori.
Throw him off his game.
Throw him off balance.
Create confusion.
Yeah.
A devious plot.
I like it.
[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC]
You got a duty, as sons and daughters,
to make sure your daddy stops
fucking your dead mama's best friend.
But you got to work in the shadows.
On the surface, you're playing nice.
Play nice.
Cause it's time to fight for your mama.
Yep.
BOTH: For our mama.
Mama!
Let's fuck this bitch up.
♪
You having second thoughts, darling?
I haven't been here since she passed.
I know.
It brings back a lot of memories.
Yeah.
[SIGHS] For me too.
Boy, we had a lot of good times here
together with our families.
[LAUGHS]
But you know what, if
you don't want to do this,
we can just leave.
No, the kids are making an effort.
Yeah.
Glad you're here with me.
Me too, darlin'.
[LAUGHTER]
All right, so which
which closet do you want me using?
Oh, use that one. Use that closet.
[LAUGHS] All right.
[LAUGHS]
Oh.
Um
Oh. I'm sorry.
Uh, I'll have those things moved.
No, that that's OK.
I'll I'll keep everything in my bag.
It's totally fine.
No, you won't.
You're gonna use that closet.
I don't know what those things
are still doing in there.
I don't hear no crying,
but I don't hear no fucking either.
What y'all doing out here?
Nothing. Chilling.
What's up with you?
Can you get the help?
Some of Mama's clothes
are still in the closet.
I want them moved out of the room.
Well, maybe they're just there
because that's Mama's closet.
Yeah, is Miss Lori asking you
to clear all Mama's stuff out, Daddy?
'Cause if she is, that's messed up.
She's not asking for nothing.
I am.
Hey, hey, hey. What?
Stop fighting me.
Lionel, here, play with Daddy's truck.
Right up here. Open these doors.
Where the fuck is Sola?
She's changing.
What's she changing for?
Ain't nobody give a
fuck what she's wearing.
She's the nanny.
We ain't paying her to
put on fashion shows.
We paying her to nann.
OK.
Sola, Sola!
There she is.
I got dressed.
She's getting dressed.
You been gone this whole time,
and that's the outfit
you decide to put on?
Look here.
Take these kids so we
can enjoy this meal.
Come here.
And don't don't forget this one.
Thank you, Sola.
- Here, you can have this one.
- Danke.
All right. Go, go.
- Danke.
- Get out.
Go.
I hate that nanny.
Fucking Kraut,
or wherever the fuck she's from.
- I'm hungry.
- OK.
Let's go, hangry mister,
get you some food.
- Hey, Beej.
- Oh!
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- What?
Cheers.
OK.
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah.
What's so funny over there,
Tweedledee and Tweedledum?
Granddad was just telling a joke.
[LAUGHS]
Funny, I didn't realize that
Daddy was a stand-up comic.
Oh, that's cause I'm old.
Now I'm a sit-down comic.
[LAUGHS]
That is a good one.
Eli, did you come up with that?
So dumb. Don't laugh at that.
That's clever.
I thought that was a
clever thing to say.
No, it's not.
[GLASS CLINKING]
Just want to say thank
you to the Gemstones
for inviting us to Galilee Gulch.
- Mm-hmm.
- So nice to be back.
[LAUGHS]
Uh, I also want to
apologize for my reaction
to Mr. Eli and my mama finding
solace with one another.
Oh.
Ever since my parents got divorced,
sometimes I let my emotions
get the better of me.
We don't know what that's like.
[LAUGHTER]
Corey, we forgive you.
Now, I'm not one to come
to a party empty-handed.
So
- Oh!
- What is this?
- Whoa!
- Oh, my word.
I have provided us this weekend
with over 100 pounds of pork.
- Dang.
- Oh!
Prime pickins, yeah!
[CHEERS, CLAPPING]
That's a lot.
Yes.
Now we're talking.
Benefits of being a
pork sales rep, y'all.
Yeah.
Let's be real.
No one wants that much pork.
I do.
Gemstones do it big.
You don't know, Jana.
[LAUGHS]
Y'all, I just wanted to say
that I know that me and Eli carrying on
has been a big change for everybody.
So we just wanted to thank you
for your open hearts and minds.
ALL: Aw.
Well, you're gonna
need open heart surgery
after eating 100 pounds of BBQ.
[LAUGHTER]
I know I will.
Don't be a wise-ass, Jana.
[LAUGHTER]
I just wanted to say thank you.
Thank you for putting this together,
for giving Miss Lori and me a shot.
I know it's tough.
I can see you trying.
Of course, Daddy.
We just got a little
loopy over it is all.
Yeah, we just needed a hot minute
to get our heads around it, you know?
It's cool.
We love you.
I love you, kids.
[SOFT MUSIC]
I've avoided coming out
here for a long time.
I thought it would be
painful, but I got to tell you,
I'm having a great time.
[LAUGHS]
It's gonna be another classic
Gemstones lake weekend.
Yes, it is.
Whoo!
Bring it in.
[LAUGHTER]
Butt heads.
Yes.
Mm, love you, kids.
[LAUGHTER]
Are you thinking the
same thing we're thinking
about this fucking nonsense?
You mean between my mama and Eli?
Well, once I settled down,
I realized it was actually a good thing.
What?
I can't believe the shit
I'm hearing right now.
You support this?
I was angry too.
My mama, she's got a history
of being unlucky in love.
I didn't want anything
to mess up our friendship.
I always looked at you, Judy, Kelvin,
as the siblings I never had.
Maybe this will work out.
We'll be bros for real.
[LAUGHS]
Besides, if my mama was
gonna end up with somebody,
better Eli than Big Dick Mitch
down at the Benz dealership.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
Big Dick Mitch?
Yeah, that's the guy she was dating.
To be honest, I thought
they were still dating.
♪
I like Eli way more, though.
♪
I could use a drink.
Maybe I want one of those.
Oh, BJ, let's get you another one, huh?
- Yeah.
- Another one.
There you go. My turn. I'm up.
[LAUGHTER]
Get in that hole, you damn corn!
- Oh!
- [CHEERS]
- Goddamn!
- OK.
I just keep winning.
Classic Baby Billy.
- So humble.
- What?
Ain't nothing to be humble about, Eli.
"Bible Bonkers" is a smash.
And there's more where
that came from too.
I ain't finished yet, Janice.
Ooh.
Baby Billy's got all the
good ideas in his head.
I just got peanuts
floating around in mine.
Oh, yeah? Like what?
Eli over here talking
about, yeah, like what?
You know, technically,
I think you and me, Eli,
stopped being brother in-laws
after Aimee-Leigh passed.
So no offense in your
not asking my permission
to start dating Miss Lori over there.
I apologize. I didn't
realize I needed to do that.
Of course you do.
But that's all right.
I'm gonna let it go.
'Cause when you this age,
you got to get it where
you can get it, am I right?
[LAUGHTER]
- Mm!
- [FARTS] Oh!
Damn, woman, did you just pass wind?
You scared me.
Uh-uh.
No, no, you got to go wash that.
- Mm-hmm.
- Go on, clean that up.
That's disgusting. No.
Wash good, now.
Eli, I really am happy
for you and my mama.
I'm not just saying that.
Thank you, Corey.
I appreciate that.
I think it's sweet you
two have each other.
It makes so much sense.
Throw the bag, Jana.
Give me a chance.
You know, it really does make sense.
I mean, we've been friends
for most of our lives.
Yeah.
Thank God you all found each other.
I for one, am so glad
that Daddy beat out
Big Dick Mitch at the Benz dealership.
Yeah, obviously, Daddy
is a much better choice
than Big Dick Mitch for Miss Lori.
- Mm-hmm.
- Wait, what?
Yeah.
It's a big old no on
Big Dick Mitch for me.
I'm Team Daddy all the way.
Mm-hmm.
- Big Dick Mitch?
- No
- Who is that?
- Eli
- Guys, please.
- Corey!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did Miss Lori not tell you?
That's the guy that she was seeing.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
Or maybe still seeing.
Still dating, I'm not sure.
- No, I don't really know.
- No.
[LAUGHTER]
You're adults. It's
none of our business.
Yeah.
Who's winning the cornhole game?
No, you got the wrong information.
Oh, damn.
How embarrassing for you, Eli.
That must sting
a luxury car salesman
fishing in the same
pond with a big pole.
Ooh, that's no good
now, the biggest pole.
- Darlin'
- It just came out.
I'm gonna go refresh this here drink.
Are you fucking kidding me, Corey?
Jesus Christ.
Hey, want to find out?
[LAUGHTER]
It's working.
They're having to go have a talk.
[LAUGHTER]
Damn, Jesse, you did me dirty.
Oh, I was just giving
him the facts, that's all.
For the greater good, Cor.
Yeah.
Corey, honesty is the blasis
for every great relationship.
That's true. It is the blasis.
- It's for sure the blasis.
- Yes, the blasis.
[LAUGHTER]
- It is the blasis.
- Mm.
What the fuck is blasis?
I'm sorry.
I don't even know what that was about.
That Mitch, he's just a guy that
I went out with a couple of times.
I mean, there wasn't even
any spark or anything.
Well, you know, we never
put a label on this thing,
so I mean, you're free
to do whatever you want.
I just want to know what
I signed up for, I guess.
[LAUGHTER]
I haven't opened up to anybody
in such a long time,
and I don't want to look the fool.
Are you gonna see
other people or just me?
I mean, I
I ain't seeing anybody but you.
But, I mean
Well, do you want to go steady,
or do you want to try to be exclusive,
or
Oh, well, Eli, I
I mean, I don't know how to say this,
but
fuck yeah, I want to go steady!
Oh, goddamn.
I thought we already were.
Oh!
I thought we was going steady.
Oh, we are now.
- Hot damn.
- You scared the shit out of me.
[LAUGHS]
Mm-mm.
We're in a gigantic lake house,
and they put Mama's
old clothes in our room?
I don't think so.
Daddy doesn't want to look
at 'em, why would I want to?
Mm, nope.
These clothes go.
Bye-bye.
I'm out of here.
Honestly, at this point,
it's disrespectful.
- Yeah.
- Right?
Arrivederci, Mama's clothes.
- Get them out of here.
- Yeah.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Ooh, scary movies.
[LAUGHS]
Get em, Jason, kill em all!
Forgive me if I snuggle close.
Oh!
[GROWLING]
Burrow and snug to your
heart's contentment.
Use my high body temp to warm you.
Kneel down.
♪
That's my good boy.
Good Jason.
♪
Oh!
It's OK.
She's just doing dress-'em-ups.
[CHUCKLES]
You know, I love seeing
you and your brothers
out here together again.
Just like the way it used to be.
You know, when Aimee-Leigh was around.
Pontius definitely was
a little less psycho
when Grandma was here.
I'm starting to really worry about him.
Yeah, I'm glad Mama's
dead, and not alive,
to see the way that
Daddy is betraying her.
I don't know, baby.
I think maybe she'd be happy for Eli.
Huh? Not a chance.
Amber, imagine if you
had a very close friend.
I I do have very close friends.
No, I know I'm just saying, like,
if you had a really close
friend and then you died,
and I started fucking that person.
Imagine that in detail.
I don't want to.
Yeah, Dad, what? Yuck!
Exactly, it's yuck.
That's what I'm saying.
Mama's probably rolling
over in her grave right now.
Bones all rattling,
clawing and screeching,
light about to explode
out of her skull eyes.
I don't think that you should picture
your mama like that, Jesse.
I don't know, I think
she'd probably want Eli
to be happy at the end of the day.
I think that's what I
would want if I were gone.
That's what you would want?
Yeah.
Your best friend?
I just roll over to her
house, bring some cheeses,
some wines, pop on some smooth jazz
[LAUGHS]
And then just start fucking pounding.
- Oh.
- Just fucking balls deep.
Just fucking going in there.
Your bestest friend,
right fucking there.
That's what you want?
Make her squirt everywhere.
Ruin the walls.
Ruin the mattress topper.
Finally do some ass stuff.
That's what you want?
Yeah, Dad, I really don't think
Granddad and Miss Lori's
thing is like that.
You don't know, Gideon.
I wouldn't be surprised
if they break up by
the end of this weekend.
Call it a strong-ass hunch.
Bullseye!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
You out here practicing kung fu?
Bruce Lee!
I could have used your help inside.
Damn Aimee-Leigh Jr. Exploded a diaper,
and Lionel spilled country gravy
all over the pack and play.
You need?
Yes, I need, bitch.
I need for you to do your fucking job.
Now get over here and get
these kids out of my sight.
Go on, now.
Don't be bowing to me.
Go. Get.
Thank you, Sola.
- Get!
- Bye!
Dang, baby.
You could have been nicer.
I ain't trying to make friends.
Damn Kraut.
She got them old world villain vibes.
Make me feel like Indiana Jones.
Not that bad.
I don't want to talk about her no more.
Time for me to get my lake swim on.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
Ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
Ding, ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
- Yes!
- Yes!
Ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
- Whoo-wee!
- [LAUGHS]
♪
Ding, ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
Ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
Ding, ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
Ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
[LAUGHS]
Ding, ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
Ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
♪
Dang.
♪
Go, girl. Whoo!
Yeah, Mama!
♪
[VOCALIZING]
♪
[GROANS]
Man, I feel like something is weird,
because we haven't seen Daddy
or Miss Lori all morning.
Yeah, well, they're probably
fighting, trying to leave.
[LAUGHS] Fingers crossed.
I feel bad about it.
I didn't want you guys to say anything.
No reason for anyone to get hurt.
Oh, Cor, don't feel bad.
Someone's always gotta get hurt.
That's how we roll.
[LAUGHTER]
What the fuck is this shit?
[LAUGHTER]
They're laughing and smiling?
I thought the Big
Dick Mitch shit worked.
Well, clearly, Big Dick
Mitch didn't do shit.
Oh, my God.
I bet they've been up
there mashing pubes forever.
Oh, God damn it.
Well, I know it's the unpopular opinion,
but I'm glad about it.
You're glad about
your Mom mashing pubes?
No, Jana.
Don't try to be funny.
What? It's gross.
I know what you meant, Cory.
Eli and Lori are cute together.
What?
It's kind of like a
like a Hallmark movie.
Two old friends find love.
The heartbroken king and the beautiful,
yet common sense woman who grounds him.
The only thing is that here,
there is no jealous person
trying to stand in their way.
Those are usually the
bad guys in the stories.
Well, not always, Amber.
Sometimes the characters
that are doing the fucking
are actually the bad
guys, and sometimes,
the disgusted onlookers are actually
the ones who know better.
Yes, exactly.
So quit telling stories and realize that
your husband has seen way
more movies than you have.
- [LAUGHTER]
- No doubt, no doubt.
- Amen.
- No doubt.
Trying to break down
Hallmark character archetypes.
[LAUGHS] You ain't gonna
beat me on that one.
- [LAUGHTER]
- Uh-uh.
- That's his shit, homie.
- That's my shit.
He loves Hallmark movies.
There's nothing in here I like.
I hate all these lake house snacks.
Beej, don't be getting
mad at the snacks.
It's not the snacks's fault
you're in a wheelchair.
Oh, OK.
Thanks for that.
God dang.
Did he just drop the snackses?
[TENSE MUSIC]
Some of my finest
memories at Galilee Gulch
were spent right here doing
splishing and splashing
with the Milsaps.
So true. [LAUGHS]
You know, back then,
Corey's daddy, Mr. Cobb,
was still in the picture,
and our mama was still alive.
So, you know, different
vibes, different vibes.
But I'm glad that we can
all still come together
and keep the tradition
of the lake house going,
just like those two never
even existed, thank God.
Yeah, thank God.
Man, one of my favorite parts
of coming up here to the lake
has always been lake talents.
- Aw.
- Lake talents!
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- I remember lake talents.
I know you did.
Our Mama always loved
when we shared our talents
for the enjoyment of
the rest of the fam.
So right now, I would like
to share our talent of song.
Well, gosh, I can't wait.
Well, you won't have to,
because we're gonna do
it for you right now.
[LAUGHS] This is so good.
OK, let's just do the spin-around.
The spin. Yes.
[LAUGHTER]
[BOTH MURMURING INDISTINCTLY]
Snap three times.
[SNAPPING]
ALL: Mama's here ♪
Mama's here ♪
Oh, Mama always loved her daughter ♪
And didn't want anyone
else in the house ♪
That Daddy loved more than her ♪
And the daughter ♪
ALL: Mama's here ♪
Mama's here ♪
She's watching all
the people in the room ♪
Seeing the choices others
have made and wondering ♪
Why? ♪
Why are you making these choices? ♪
[OVERLAPPING SINGING]
Why would you make these choices? ♪
You shouldn't be doing it ♪
ALL: Mama's here ♪
Mama's here ♪
Mama is now an angel ♪
Soaring high above the sky ♪
But when she sees something ♪
Like a sinner in her eyes ♪
Sinner ♪
She will come down upon you ♪
And haunt you for
the rest of your life ♪
And ruin everything that you love ♪
And ruin your all of you ♪
Kill you ♪
Because ♪
ALL: Mama's here ♪
She's still here. She's here, everybody.
- She's here. She's right here.
- She never left.
- She's here right now.
- Mm.
- OK.
- [HESITANT CLAPPING]
[SOFT MUSIC]
I'm gonna go take a piss.
Oh.
Well
I liked it.
- Good, I'm glad you liked it.
- Yeah.
'Cause we made it special.
It was for you, so
Yeah.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Just can't believe our
lake talents didn't work.
- Damn it.
- Now they're gonna fall
in love and do happily-ever-afters
- with each other.
- Don't say that.
Don't fucking say that, Kelvin!
Fuck!
I'm gonna handle this, bros.
Look, I didn't want
to pull this trick out,
but we got no choice.
It's special powers time.
What you talking about, special powers?
♪
Time to turn a bitch out.
♪
What?
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
There she is.
Just where I want her.
What?
You heard me, beautiful.
Why don't you slide on
out of that cotton dress,
let me snack on that pussy?
[SIGHS] Come again?
[LAUGHS] Yeah. You are
gonna come, Miss Lori.
So congrats.
About to get that
bean flicked good, son.
Somebody is gonna be
spraying like a whale
breaching the surface.
[CHUCKLES]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
What the fuck?
♪
OK, we're doing slap box?
- Mm.
- All right.
- Let's get it spicy.
- OK.
What do you think of a blank check, huh?
♪
How about I scratch this
off for a cool half a mil?
Huh?
How about that?
Look.
Uhh
All you have to do is
break up with my daddy
and never show your fucking smirky face
around my family ever again.
I know you want this.
I know you do, Miss Lori.
[LAUGHS]
Look, $500,000.
You could buy a ton of giant bras,
get you a bunch of those panties
that have the piss-catchers inside.
Bet you like those.
Here, just take it.
Take it. Or are you too proud?
No, I ain't too proud at all.
Uh-uh.
But, you know, I'm also not stupid.
If I was in it for the
money with your daddy,
don't you think I'd hold out
for a fuck of a lot
more than half a million?
Oh, my God, you are angling
for my family's wealth.
I knew it, and it's out there.
Let me tell you something.
You better back on up,
cause you're gonna get got,
bitch, cause, guess what.
I'm Daddy's little princess,
and if I tell my daddy to dump you,
he's gonna dump you.
- Uh mm.
- And I'll tell him that you tried to rape me.
Stop, Miss Lori.
Oh, my God.
Don't be bumping on my bare titty meat.
- God.
- Oh, boy.
Stop.
Miss Lori, quit.
Oh, God.
Why would you do that?
Quit raping me.
Uh!
Help.
Are you done?
Are you done?
I don't know.
Do you not understand
what is happening here?
Your husband, who you love, is hurt,
and you don't even know
if he's gonna get better.
I get it you're
trying to mama-talk me.
I won't have it.
- No, I'm not.
- I don't want it.
That's not cool, Miss Lori.
I understand that you're in pain.
Mm-mm.
I do.
But listen, you gotta
stop trying to take it out
on your daddy and me.
That is not fair.
[SCOFFS]
Judy.
♪
Mm-mm, no.
This is exactly how you
acted when your mama got sick.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
♪
No, it ain't.
I remember it.
You have insufficient
data on that, Miss Lori.
So that's fucked up.
Wrong.
Does not compute.
[SCOFFS]
- All right.
- No, thanks.
OK.
[SIGHS]
Anything I can do to help?
No, Keefe.
Not unless you can bring
my mama back from the dead.
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪
Dress em up.
♪
[SINGERS VOCALIZING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
[ELI SNORING]
Eli, it's me
the spirit form of your dead wife,
Aimee-Leigh.
Oh-oh-oh-oh! Ooh, ooh!
Eli, break up with her.
You're hurting your family,
especially your youngest son.
I'm your one true love.
Eli, break up with her.
Mama told me not to ♪
I did anyway ♪
Misbehavin' ♪
[SCREAMS]
Baby? Whoa!
- Ah!
- Ah!
[SCREAMING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
What the?
Who are you?
I'm just a ghost.
I'm a friendly ghost.
[BLOWS LANDING]
♪
[GLASS SHATTERING]
[GROANING]
Sola! Sola!
- What do you want?
- Aus!
Nein! Heel!
What the hell is all this?
Get over here. Get over here.
Mother is talking.
What?
Mother is talking.
No, I heard what you said.
Why are you wearing
my dead wife's clothes?
The boy is sick in the head.
That's a boy?
Daddy, I can explain.
What kind of a dumb prank is this?
You ruined what could have
been a perfect weekend.
We didn't ruin it.
You ruined it.
You don't even care that
there's all these
reminders of Mama here.
Oh, so that's what this is about.
You don't approve?
And I heard about your
little stunt, Judy.
- God.
- You bitch.
What did you tell him?
- The truth.
- Cool, Daddy.
So I guess now you're gonna
take her side over mine?
I sure am, seeing as
how my three children
are conniving behind my back to hurt me.
Why did you even invite
us down to the lake
if this is how you felt?
To trick you, Daddy.
To make you break up
with fucking Miss Lori.
Maybe if you weren't so busy
trying to insert yourself
into my son's life,
you would have figured it out.
Insert myself?
Oh, I feel like there's a
different way to say that.
Stop trying to insert
yourself into my son.
Boy, this is it.
I have heard it all.
You all are a bunch of goddamn idiots.
Eli, that feels a bit harsh.
Shut the fuck up, Amber.
[COUGHS]
[TENSE MUSIC]
[STIFLED LAUGHTER]
[SPUTTERS]
[QUIETLY] Shut the fuck up.
♪
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
♪
Hey, let's get a group photo.
- Group photo?
- Yeah.
- Let's go.
- Group photo.
- All right.
- Group photo.
Let's do it.
We should wait for Lori and Eli.
No, we're not gonna wait
for Miss Lori and Daddy.
They ain't coming down.
They don't want to be around people.
So let's just do the picture.
Hey, hey, where you going?
You ain't in this family.
You taking the photo.
Let's go, over there.
Go on.
Picture-taker is the best job, Sola.
- Yeah, you look pretty.
- Thank you!
- [LAUGHS]
- Smile, Beej.
All right. Everybody squeeze in.
Let's say Galilee Gulch.
ALL: Galilee Gulch!
- There you go.
- OK.
- All right.
- Thank you.
- Let's go.
- Adios.
- Bye, y'all.
- OK.
Bye-bye.
You gotta give him his phone back.
- Bye, niece!
- You got half a charge.
- Let's go.
- Bye, guys.
- Close the trunk.
- Later.
- Come on.
- Goodbye!
- Close that trunk.
- I'm driving!
- See you guys.
- I'm driving!
All right. Bye!
You're not driving. Bye.
Bye, Corey.
Ah, Daddy.
Daddy.
OK. Can we be done with this shit?
Dang! You scared the heck out of me.
Forgot you were even there, dude.
Yeah, everybody forgot I was here,
especially for the picture.
No, Beej, I said smile, BJ.
I smiled.
Nobody could see me 'cause
I'm stranded back here.
Y'all need lessons in advocacy.
I don't have to be screaming for myself.
Dude, you're really bad
at being at the lake.
No, Jesse. Don't be
tapping his shoulder.
- Thanks, Jesse.
- No.
- Kevin, stop!
- Ow, ow!
Well, I have half a mind to leave
before Daddy even awakens.
I don't want to talk to that man
after he scolded Keith like that.
Yeah, he was pretty rough on Amber too.
I have never been yelled
at like that by Eli.
Well, he yells at us like
that all the fucking time.
He's verbally abusive.
Yeah, he did humiliate
you, though, Amber.
[LAUGHTER]
That was a very well-timed
"Shut the fuck up."
[LAUGHS]
Don't laugh at that.
That was not a very well-timed anything.
You better just mind your P's and Q's,
or I'll start ripping
on Wheels over here.
Don't Jesse.
Wheels?
Y'all, I was the one that was
way out of line last nighttime.
I overstepped my bounds.
I agree with you.
Eli would have never snapped at me
if you hadn't enraged him first.
Mm.
The man has a right to be mad.
This whole trip was a ruse
just to get him and Miss Lori
to break up.
BJ's got a point.
We'll never stop Daddy from
leaving Mama's memory behind
if we're on the outs with him.
Yeah, it's probably exactly
what Miss Lori wanted.
I guess it's up to us to
be the adults in the room.
We should apologize to Daddy.
- Oh.
- Oh.
[SIGHS]
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
- No, no.
- No.
Uh-uh.
No spouses, just the main siblings.
♪
ALL: Apologize to Daddy.
[SINGING IN SPANISH]
♪
[MOANING]
[SCREAMS]
[ALL SCREAMING]
[SCREAMS]
- Get the fuck out of here!
- [ALL SCREAMING]
Hey.
[ALL SCREAMING]
Get out of here!
- Dude!
- Oh, God.
- Ooh.
- God.
- Yuck!
- Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Why did you all burst in like that?
Daddy, you were 69ing!
Where was your nose, Daddy?
I'm sorry.
I wasn't expecting anybody
to come busting into my room!
Well, we came to apologize!
We were trying to be the bigger mans.
Well, you can still do that.
I love you kids.
I I don't want to fight.
It was traumatizing, Daddy.
You were licking another
woman that wasn't Mama.
We don't want you to forget about Mama.
I will never forget about your mama.
Daddy?
Yes, sweetheart?
Your dick is leaking pre-cum,
and it's leaving a
wet spot on your pants.
- Oh!
- Oh!
Ah!
- Oh, God damn it!
- [ALL SHOUTING]
Why, Daddy?
Daddy came! Daddy came!
- Daddy came!
- Daddy came! Daddy came!
- Oh, Daddy came!
- Oh, God damn it.
Daddy came.
[ALL SHOUTING]
ALL: Fuck!
Here I go ♪
Falling down, down, down ♪
My mind is a blank ♪
My head is spinning
around and around ♪
As I go deep into the funnel of love ♪
♪
It's such a crazy, crazy feeling ♪
I get weak in the knees ♪
My poor old head is reeling ♪
As I go deep into the funnel of love ♪
♪
I tried and I tried to run and hide ♪
I even tried to run away ♪
You just can't run
from the funnel of love ♪
It's bound to get you someday ♪
Oh, oh ♪
It's such a crazy, crazy feeling ♪
I get weak in the knees ♪
My poor old head is reeling ♪
As I go deep into the funnel of love ♪
♪
Deep into the funnel of love ♪
Deep into the funnel of love ♪
[BRIGHT TONE]