Top Gear (US) s04e04 Episode Script
America's Biggest Cars
1 Now on "Top Gear" We head to Tennessee to tackle America's biggest cars.
Hold together, baby! Oh, we're vibrating now! And one of us gets to drive the brand-new Corvette Stingray.
Memphis, Tennessee, home to the blues, barbecue, and Southern hospitality.
We came here to test out the biggest cars in America, also known as land barges.
During the '60s and '70s, the U.
S.
made huge cars, nearly twice the size of today's compacts, with spongy suspensions that made it feel like you were driving a boat.
But which one of these iconic cars was the best? To find out, we each picked our favorite and met up on the banks of the Mississippi.
I can't wait for you guys to see what I brought.
It will not be as cool as what I got.
You guys, I've got the classic, the absolute classic.
Who got the donk? You did not! It's even better than I thought! What?! I chose a 1976 Chevy Caprice Classic.
It's over 18½ feet long, and it weighs 4,400 pounds.
Now, I'll be honest.
At one point, it probably looked puny like these two, but it has been turned into what they would call a donk.
Yes.
Yeah, so, you basically take the car, you lift it with a 6-inch lift kit and 24-inch wheels and tires on it.
And I'm sure the ride is nice and smooth.
With those profile tires.
Oh, look at this.
Look at this.
Soft.
Just plush.
Not a lot of flex once you get it up in the air.
You're just floating up there.
I would never drive this car, nor would I wear those shorts.
My kids picked these shorts out.
That doesn't make it okay.
Behold, gentlemen.
I picked the 1970 Buick Deuce-and-a-quarter.
It's almost 7 feet wide with a 430 v-8 in it.
This is what this challenge is all about.
And they called it a Deuce-and-a-quarter, 225, because that's how long it was.
225 inches.
This is perfect.
This is like driving a living room.
Okay, it's got some cool look to it, but it's tiny.
It is not tiny! It's under 19 feet.
The only car here over 19 feet Is the 1974 Lincoln Continental Mark IV.
This thing is massive.
Under the hood, 7.
5-liter 460, big block.
How much does it weigh? 5,400 pounds dry.
Oh! Oh, she's a big girl.
That is unbelievable! Now, you know these big old cars aren't my thing, but this one's still the best one here.
Only car here with leather interior, white with red accents.
This is how it's supposed to be right here, gentlemen.
Look at that red carpet! Wow.
- That is terrible! It looks like a casino.
- Oh! - Ah! Easy! Oh, you got the cowbell mirrors.
Let's just let him play for a minute.
Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Okay.
That's enough.
To test our land barges, we were told to make a 200-mile journey across Tennessee to Nashville with a few challenges along the way.
You're gonna mess up my mirror.
But first, we had to get off the barge.
Oh, listen to that.
Tanner, move up! Move forward, Adam! You can't make the turn! Move up! Just move forward, and then I can get out.
You go that way! Hey! What's he shouting about?! This was a little more difficult than we expected.
Let's just think about this for a second.
All right.
Come on back.
You're good! Keep go stop! Hey! The (Bleep) are you going so fast?! Relax! Why don't you tone it down there, speedy? We're on a barge! Now, a little more towards Tanner, just a hair.
Boom! Yeah! I think I got to get the ass that way, right? Yeah.
You could try to power-brake it while I push that side.
Do it.
1, 2, 3.
That's good! That's good there! That was ingenious! Don't run me over.
- For real?! - Come on.
No! I'm not going more forward! Come on! You got nothing but barge back here.
Come on.
Cut it.
There you go.
Oh, praise the lord.
Let's ride out.
With our cars back on dry land Onward! We headed to our first challenge 30 miles away.
I love this car! This Buick takes me back to my childhood.
My Uncle Tony had a '71 Electra, and he used to drive me to school.
You know how cool he was? He would pull over five blocks before we got there, let me get behind the wheel so the kids could see me rolling up.
I was 12.
Buicks used to be considered the car the doctor drove.
The doctor would come to your house, and 9 times out of 10, he showed up in a Buick.
Thinking was if he showed up in a Chevy, you'd think, "how good a doctor can he be?" And if he showed up in a Cadillac, you're thinking, "this guy's gonna charge me a fortune.
" Wow.
This thing is soft.
Oh, my gosh.
Are you kidding me? We have a little bit of body roll.
The steering wheel, it's like a video game steering wheel that you could just spin forever.
But my Mark IV's floaty suspension did have its advantages.
You can drive yourself a brand-new Rolls-Royce and it will not flow over the bumps like this nearly 6,000-pound beast.
Here's a big dip.
It's insane.
It is insane.
They don't build luxury cars like they used to.
Rut's modified Caprice, on the other hand, it sacrificed comfort for what he assured us was style.
Oh, hello.
Oh, my God! Oh, that was awesome! When this '76 Caprice Coupe came out, it was 4,900 bucks, which today would be about 24 grand.
So, it was really an everyman's car.
But nowadays In the hip-hop world, this donked-out Caprice is a huge status symbol.
Growing up as a white kid in Alabama, I thought, "one day, I'll be in a hip-hop group.
" I just had no idea that I actually would attain the car that I so greatly desired.
Look, I'll be honest, Rut.
I know you've had some weird choices of cars out of the 60-plus that you've owned.
But I would not drive that donk two feet.
The Buick, admittedly, I'd drive that probably 20 or 30 feet.
I think you guys just can't handle the fact that, yeah, this car is ri-donk-a-donk.
Y'all just can't handle a big girl like this.
That's your problem.
After half an hour, we arrived at the location of our first challenge.
Wow.
That is an experience.
I would say the same for driving this.
It's like death in slow motion.
This is just smooth and gliding, my friend.
Ooh, hey.
You feel nothing in this car.
How about this? "To see which of your cars has maintained the most power, "you'll compete in a speed test.
High speed over a quarter mile wins.
" High speed, and you're over 5,000 pounds.
Yeah, but I got a 460.
Do ya? Yeah, that Buick, it looks good, but all show, no go, I'm afraid.
You know, it's got 360 horsepower.
- What?! - Uh-huh.
- No, it doesn't.
- Really? My hoopty.
Holy crap.
Okay, well, I'm gonna go first.
Okay.
Go.
It a lin-can, not a lin-can't.
Oh, ho! I see what you did! See? See? Now, a top-speed run is gonna be about which of our cars has survived the last 30-plus years with the most grace.
- You ready? - Yeah.
Don't point that thing at me! Sorry! Sorry! - Why is that a problem? - Don't point that It's not a real gun.
That's a cancer gun.
Get it away from me.
All right.
You ready, Tanner? I'm ready.
- Bring it! Here goes nothing.
Here he comes.
20.
30.
A lot of heat! A lot of shaking! He looks like a tv evangelist just robbed a liquor store.
48, 50.
Come on, baby! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Oh, here he comes.
Yeah! That felt kind of slow.
Yeah, that'll do.
What an idiot.
Perfect.
It's nice to know that in whatever car you're in, you're gonna drive the exact same way.
Love this thing! What's my speed? - How'd it feel? Fast, as dangerous as hell.
71 miles an hour.
Yeah.
Felt faster.
Look, 71 miles an hour is not fast.
Agreed.
But it's faster than your cars are gonna go.
Who's up? I'll go.
All right.
Do it.
24, son! This is a top-speed run, so I obviously have this rebuilt Chevy 350 in my favor.
What I don't have is 4,400 pounds and 24-inch wheels in my favor.
For your safety and the wildlife in this general vicinity, please don't go over 71 miles an hour.
Hey, if y'all see a big 24-inch wheel just rolling solo by itself - Oh, my gosh.
Heads up.
It might be traveling at a high rate of speed.
Copy.
Thanks for the heads up.
You ready? I was born ready.
All right.
Hit it, Rut.
Okay.
And we're off.
Here he comes.
Yep.
There is it.
It sounds like a dragon farting.
That is one tall first gear Oh, second gear! There's 50.
He's at 50 already? - 60.
My speedometer says 40.
I don't believe that is correct.
Come on, baby! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! That did not feelVery fast.
Was I flying or what?! That feltReally It was a lot of noise.
Yeah.
Did I break triple digits? Uh, no.
I'll tell you this.
You were faster than I thought you were gonna be.
Yeah? No way! How about that?! 68 miles an hour.
You lose, but you lose with style.
All right.
Let me have that.
You're up.
- Right.
All right.
Let's see if I can get the big girl up past 71 miles an hour and stay alive.
If he drives this car like he drives every other car, he's probably dead, and we have a chance of dying.
All right, crazy man.
You ready? Ready! In 3, 2, 1, don't go faster than me! Coming up, Rut's Caprice finally rides like it's on rails.
Oh, there goes the barbecue! Whoo-hoo! There went the tea! And later, one of us gets to put the hammer down on the all-new Corvette Stingray.
We were in Tennessee, competing to see which one of our classic behemoths was best.
So far in our high-speed challenge, I'd clocked in with a speed of 71 miles an hour.
Rut put down a pathetic 68.
In 3, 2, 1, don't go faster than me! Now Adam was trying to beat us both.
All right.
Got a little bit of wheelspin.
We're off.
Oh, she's Now she's starting to shake.
30.
40.
Already? Second gear.
Here we go.
According to my speedometer, I'm doing 60! Look, he's smoking! He's smoking! 69, 70.
Hold together, baby! Oh, we're vibrating now! He's going 80 miles an hour.
Watch out.
- Watch out.
Watch out.
- He is not! Aah! Hit the brakes! Oh (Bleep) 83 miles an hour! Five more miles an hour, he could have traveled back in time.
You know what? That was faster than you! That was much faster than me.
Ho, ho! How does it feel to lose? I'm used to it, but what's your excuse? Well, I'm alive.
According to that speedometer, I hit 80.
Really?! 83 miles an hour.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh, that's it! Oh, big girl can run! Hee, hee, hee! With my Buick triumphant, we headed to our next challenge 88 miles away in Humboldt, Tennessee.
Having lost the speed challenge, race boy was handling it with his usual grace and dignity.
All right.
Fine, Adam.
You get one.
I mean, after all, this is basicallymade for you.
You choose one of these old-man cars for every single show we do, and finally we do a show that's actually about old-man cars.
You're welcome.
I mean, let's face it.
This just isn't my car era.
While Tanner was bitchin', "M.
C.
Plaid" and I were in our element.
Tanner will never understand a car like this because there's no exhaust note.
You don't hear the intake.
You don't hear the valves.
You don't hear the motor.
And it's done by design.
It's designed to keep the outside out and the inside in.
I don't want to feel anything.
I just want to lay back and cruise.
That's what this car was about.
Doesn't it amaze you guys that this is what people loved in the late '60s and '70s, just this over-the-top decadence? Well, it wasn't really decadence.
There was no restraints then.
It was before the oil crisis.
It was basically just big cars, but everything was big then.
We made our world to fit the cars, not the other way around.
We made it to Humboldt for our next challenge.
I feel like I need a ladder for this thing.
Now you know how Tanner feels.
That's not funny.
Get it? 'Cause you're short.
Lunch? I am ready.
I'm starving, actually.
Wow.
Who is this a barbecue meal for, André the giant? You'd knock this out.
I've seen you knock something like this out.
No way in hell I've eaten that much! Are you kidding? I've seen you do this standing up.
This seems a little much, though.
Ooh, is that sweet tea? - Mmm.
- Yeah? That's the good stuff right there.
Our next challenge would put our cars' suspensions to the test.
We would have to drive 200 yards on the railroad tracks, then back up to the start line, all while carrying a Southern barbecue meal.
Fastest time with the most food on the plate would win.
Race boy was up first.
Come here.
There you go.
Hey, you wax? Okay.
Let's see here.
- Okay.
- All right.
There you go.
Look at that.
Step back.
I don't want to get anything on my shorts.
Yeah, I wouldn't want you to get any barbecue sauce on your pink shorts.
- Okay, you ready? - Let's freakin' do this! Here we go.
In 3, 2, 1.
Go! Oh! Nice and easy! Nice and easy! Hey, take your hand off that tray.
It's smooth as silk! Smooth as silk! No problem whatsoever! He's gonna rip a tire on a bolt! He's so close to the rail there! Oh, brakes.
Oh, brakes.
Oh, that's cold! He got down there really quick.
Come on! He's getting smoke in reverse! Oh, that's not cooked properly.
A normal car would be easier to keep it straight coming back, but this thing's just so long.
That's got Look at all the wobble.
Unbelievably smooth ride in the Lincoln continental! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Stop the clock! Get this damn thing out of here! There's macaroni in the buttons.
Chocolate everywhere.
56:10 was your time.
But no edible food.
You threw it on the ground.
Yeah, that's true.
It was undercooked.
You want some cupcake? No, I don't.
Here you go.
That's yours.
I don't want How about a little macaroni?! I don't want the cupcake.
Come on! - I know you're hungry.
That's not a fat joke, either.
Adam was up next, and he eased his beloved Buick onto the tracks.
There's two things I don't want to do.
I don't want to wreck the car, and I don't want this in my lap.
And I don't see any way of avoiding either one.
Look at the ground clearance.
It's never happening.
Oh, yeah.
Look at that.
I-I'm ready.
In 3, 2, 1, go! This is really anticlimactic.
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Oh! Oh! Oh, don't scrape! Go for it! Don't scrape! Don't do it! Oh! It's scraping! It's scraping! Don't! Don't! Oh! Oh, that's terrible! No! No! No! Okay.
I'm done.
I'm done.
What's he doing? No more.
I am not hurting this car.
No! No! No! No! No! No! Red flag! Aah! Aah! Aah! Oh, don't! Don't! Don't! - What are you doing?! - You didn't Oh! Oh! Okay.
What are you doing? Okay, here's the thing.
Don't don't don't.
Don't you dare.
- You cheated! - Whoa! - How did I get that?! - You cheated! Okay.
You made it about 20 feet.
Which was 20 more than I thought I was gonna make it.
Why did you stop? I was ripping up the bottom of the car.
I can't destroy this car.
So, all right, fine.
I lose.
If you want to save the car, you need to stand in the firing squad and take some pork in the face.
- It's like a penalty kick.
- Yeah.
That's your mark, that cupcake wrapper right there.
All right, I get to defend myself, though.
Oh, you took my pork! Oh, you took my pork! That's it! You He's pretty quick.
All right! We're done! Well, this isNot looking good for me or my pink shorts.
He's already in trouble.
Okay.
I'm ready.
It's barbecue ti oh! Oh, gosh! That was huge! You ready? In 3, 2, 1, go! Oh! Oh, I'm wet! Did he just throw something at us? Yes.
Oh, geez! Oh, my gosh! Ooh, it looks really rough.
Oh, there goes the barbecue! Whoo-hoo! There went the tea! We were in Tennessee, finding out which of our land barges was the best.
I had taken the first challenge.
Yes! Yes! But our second challenge testing ride quality Oh, that's cold! There went the tea! Was causing some problems.
Oh, my! Oh, the whole tray's gone! I can hear him from here.
Oh, it's so cold! That is so cold.
Big daddy's cold.
Okay, he made it to the red flag.
He didn't stall.
Why do people drive cars like this?! This is a terrible idea! Here he comes.
Oh, gosh.
Oh, lord.
Oh! Oh, no! Ooh, he hit the track! Oh, there's potato salad in my shorts! Is he okay? Uh-oh.
That's bad.
He just stopped.
All right, fellas, I got a little problem.
Did you finish lunch? I think I just popped a tire.
Call AAA.
Okay.
They'll be right there.
They're gonna send a train.
What'd you do there, buddy? Ohh! Oh, gosh.
- That looks like - Ohh! Looks like we got to adjust grandpa's medicine.
Is it bad? No, you're fine.
You're fine.
You're fine.
'Cause it feels It feels really It's fine.
Wait.
There's a little something.
It's dripping.
- Okay, got it.
- You're good.
- Am I okay? - You're good.
You're good.
Oh, man.
Look at that.
Seriously, you stopped for that? Yeah, apparently, I must have gotten too close to the things here on the right side and just popped a hole in it.
You can barely tell since it's a low pro, but I heard the rim hitting.
I think you can keep going.
I can't drive on a rim! That's a stupid idea! As opposed to those shorts? Well, I mean, I'd like to point out I'm the only one who has any food left.
4:10, 4:11.
The clock's still running.
You didn't actually complete the task.
Yeah.
- So, I win.
Is that is that a headlight on the track? Yeah.
I'm out of here.
Ready? Good talk.
See you in Nashville.
There There's a train coming.
You guys aren't gonna help me? You feel bad about leaving him back there? Look, Rut is smart enough to get out of the way, don't you think? No.
Not if the train's gonna dent his donk.
As we traveled to the next challenge, I started to realize why people like land barges.
There's something cool about just open Sunday afternoon cruising in a big-ass American car.
After the smoothest of drives, we arrived at a park just outside of Nashville where we'd do our final challenge.
Adam and I both had a win, so I had to win the last challenge to get my hands on the Stingray.
This is awesome.
This is awesome.
An hour and a half later, Rut finally found us, and he had made some modifications.
I'm rollin' now, rollin' now to do it big, do it big livin' life they wish they did gotta go for yours what?! Make the haters say congratulations Wow! You de-donked it.
I couldn't find another 24, and since I shredded that one getting off the tracks, these 14s were the biggest I could find.
Surprisingly, I don't think it drives better, but it is a little more land barge-y, - a little more floaty.
- Mm-hmm? Look, I mean this in the nicest way.
You're a freakin' idiot.
You've taken the worst possible choice and made it even worse.
I think it's perfect.
It's even more horrible than it was before.
You should just go home.
But there was still one more challenge.
We had to prove just how big and over the top each of our cars were, and we were given half an hour to come up with an impressive feat.
I was up first.
Go ahead.
Light 'em up! Light 'em up! Nothing.
Well, it's spinning.
I can hear it.
Rut in his Caprice hadn't won anything yet, so whatever he was gonna do, it had to be good.
30 minutes later Oh, my God.
That's not what I think it is, is it? I don't know how everybody else tryin' to live I had the feeling since I was a kid Ahoy! I gigantic with everything I did Now, that's a land barge.
Huh? Really? I'm genuinely concerned about you right now.
This is ridiculous! This is This is storm damage! This is a 12-foot aluminum johnboat in the back of a '76 Caprice! That's a good land barge.
What makes it a good land barge because you got junk in the trunk? You don't think that's cool that you can fit I don't need a trailer! This car is so big, you can just fling a boat in the back.
All right, once again, you proved that you're mentally unstable.
I'm gonna show you what makes a great land barge.
Stay here.
Go fishing if you want.
Look at that definition, huh? Look at that.
Standing like that does not make the shorts okay.
Does this make them look better? That's better.
After 25 minutes, Rutledge finally brought the subject back to Adam's Buick Deuce-and-a-quarter.
You realize he tries to pick that car for basically anything we do.
This just happened to be the one that it fit into.
"Hey, guys.
You need a 4x4 that'll fit a family? How about a Deuce-and-a-quarter?!" "Yeah! Deuce-and-a-quarter! I got this maroon one picked out.
It's great.
" We need a compact car from the '80s, high-performance.
"Okay, get this Deuce-and-a-quarter! - It's perfect!" - Oh, my gosh.
Do you Do you hear a piano? Oh, my goodness.
What?! Eh? Let me explain the genius of this Two birds with one stone, gentlemen.
As you know, my radio's broke.
So now I have music, and I have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Buick is the greatest land barge on the planet big enough to put a baby grand piano on the roof with a piano player.
This is Ian.
How you doing? You've lost it.
This is easily your worst idea ever.
I've had worse than this.
- Wow.
Okay, you guys are completely missing the point.
A boat in your truck and a baby baby grand on your roof does not a land barge make.
Mine is still the best land barge out here, and I'm gonna show you why.
Follow me.
Graceful.
Really graceful.
What an idiot.
Follow me.
It's gonna be so awesome.
We had no idea where Tanner was leading us, but whatever he had in mind, there was no way it would top my baby grand Buick.
This car drives great even with a piano on the roof, proving once again that the Buick is the best land barge there is.
This car drives even worse with these tiny wheels on it.
I mean, now this is how it drives.
Unh, unh, unh, unh, unh.
Left, right, left, right.
Ernh, ernh, ernh, ernh.
Only thing Tanner could do to make that land barge cool is to set it on fire and push it in the river, which I believe is illegal.
All right, guys.
Hold up here just for a quick second.
For what? And 3, 2, 1, I'll be right back.
What are we doing here? Where's he going? I don't know.
Oh! Is he writing his name in the asphalt? Where is he? Where is he? What is that? Do you see that? Holy We were just outside Nashville, Tennessee, competing over which one of us had chosen America's best big car, also known as a land barge.
Our final challenge was all about making the biggest impression with our cars.
I managed to haul a boat without using a trailer.
Adam had replaced his broken radio with a baby grand piano and a pianist.
And now it was Tanner's turn.
I think he's on his way.
I got it.
Why would you jump out of a perfectly good helicopter? Why would you get in a perfectly good helicopter? Yes! He just caught The stig.
With his car.
That was impressive.
Don't tell him that.
That's right! Read it and weep! Read it and weep! It was really cool, though.
That was outstanding.
Say nothing.
There it is! Victory.
Victory? That is the sound of victory right there Dinner bell.
So, just because the stig is really good at His aim That's pretty much all that proves is the stig can aim.
Yeah, I mean, what he did was impressive.
Nothing that you did was cool at all.
We drove out here for absolutely nothing.
Clearly, the piano wins.
What are you talking about? I have a boat in the back of my land barge.
Boat, barge together I win.
Your lame cars and your little accessories I just landed a human from the clouds onto my land barge.
I'm driving the Stingray.
See ya.
And before anybody could argue with my logic See ya! I was gonna claim my prize.
It doesn't seem fair.
I mean, clearly, I have the best land barge here, and then off he goes.
- See ya, suckers! - No, come on! Whoo! Very funny! Very funny! Leaving the guys behind didn't bother me at all.
I'd put up with driving those slow cars long enough.
I needed a speed fix at any cost.
So I headed to a top secret test track to get my hands on the rebirth of a legend.
As I've just discovered, some things from the past are best left there as warm, fuzzy, distant memories.
But not always.
Some things from the past are so legendary, so iconic, that when they suddenly reappear, you can't help but scream to the hills.
And this is one of those things The 2014 C7 Corvette Z51, and here's the best part Wait for it Stingray.
Whoo-ah! This was no land barge.
With an engine-developing 450 brake horsepower and a top speed of 190 miles per hour, the Stingray is quick.
Chevy claims that it's much less of a road car with racing technology and more of a race car that's just built to run on the road.
With the improvement in the steering wheel They might be right about that.
Oh, my gosh! Whoops.
The original Stingray was launched in 1963.
It remains one of the coolest cars ever made.
It was the car that the Apollo and Mercury astronauts raced on the highways of Cape Canaveral.
It doesn't get much cooler than that.
Now, for the first time in 30 years, the legendary name is back, and Corvette has set their sights on wooing younger buyers away from the German competition.
In fact, the benchmark in development was the $100,000 Porsche 911 Carrera S.
So, what have they done to reach the incredibly high bar set by Porsche and its euro buddies? Well, to start with, they've got a whole new generation LT1 v-8 engine.
It creates 465 foot-pounds of torque.
That's 150 more than a 911 or even a Ferrari 458.
What does that get you? Well, it means that just about anybody can do this.
One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, 60.
3.
8 seconds zero to 60.
The difference in driving this around the track and the Porsche that this car claims to be benchmarking is that the Porsche would be a much more precise, razor-edge experience.
For this, just the outright grunt of the motor, just the brutality of the torque and how easily it gains speed makes it feel almost juvenile.
Ohh! A little bit of air there.
You can make mistakes.
You don't have to be disciplined.
You can do all the wrong stuff Oh, God! And it's still awesome.
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yeah! But if there's one area that Corvette has historically fallen short of the European rivals, it's in the interior, and Chevy claims to have taken note.
The interior no longer looks like an economy rental car.
Plastic is no longer the go-to material.
Aluminum, leather, even carbon fiber helped dragged the Corvette out of the '90s and into the 21st century.
The exterior You still know it's a Corvette, but with its sleeker, more modern lines, it's more Usain Bolt than Hulk Hogan.
Chevy claims that every single one of these changes was born in the wind tunnel and with only one thing in mind speed.
Well, if the entire goal was to make the car faster, it was based on function, and you can actually feel it working, it's all good for me.
In its attempts to match its euro rivals, Corvette has filled the Stingray with state-of-the-art technology.
But one thing really grabbed my attention The new traction system.
Now, traction control and stability control are nothing new in the automotive world, but it's generally known that it's faster for a professional driver to turn those systems off.
But Chevy makes a pretty bold claim.
They say that their performance traction-management system is so good that it's virtually unbeatable, and that, to me, frankly, sounds like a challenge.
Coming up, I take to the streets of Detroit to see which is faster A computer or me.
After winning the biggest-car challenge, I'd enjoyed pushing my prize, a superfast Corvette Stingray, to the limits.
But now I was headed to the streets of Detroit to test Chevy's claim that the 2014 Corvette's driving modes are so good that even a race car driver can't beat them.
Now that the streets are basically empty, we've locked down six blocks and built our own private racing circuit.
Pretty cool, but not as cool as what we've done to the Stingray.
Yes, it looks like something you might see parked out of a strip club, but there's a reason.
Because we wanted a real-time comparison, we decided to use some camera trickery so that I could race myself.
I'd do three laps with the red traction-off Stingray and three with the blue traction-on Stingray.
Then we would combine the images to see exactly which version was fastest on our street course.
This is the red me, the non-computer-aided me.
Everything turned off.
Just these hands, these feet, and this machine.
I can do anything I want around here drift, slide, spin.
None of these electronic babysitters to keep me in check.
And hopefully, that's enough to kick his ass.
Okay, I'm the blue Tanner.
I like long walks on the beach, soft jazz, and I'm a gemini.
I'm gonna be working with the performance traction-management system on, and we will be smoking this control-freak red guy.
Yeah, how are you doing? Yeah, good to Good to see you.
What a dork.
Okay, Chevy, track mode, and in the track mode, not sport 1, not sport 2, but race.
Stingray, you have the conn.
So, the stage was set.
It was man versus machine.
In 3 Clutch in, first gear.
2 Launch control active.
And beat the control freak.
Go! See ya! Oh, the launch control is good! By controlling wheelspin and power, the launch control had given the blue traction-on car an immediate lead down the first straightaway.
Oh, my gosh! In the red traction-off car, I'd been tempted into drifting the corner and lost even more ground to the blue car.
Oh, my gosh.
This is gonna be harder than I thought.
In the blue traction-on car, I was starting to appreciate how the management systems were stopping me from going too sideways into the corners, like the red car.
Oh, the traction control you can feel when you come out of the corners.
It's almost completely seamless the way it gives you the power back.
The blue car had built up a 20-yard lead.
A little bit of much wheelspin on that one.
With two laps to go, the blue car was maintaining its lead.
So in the red car, I needed to focus on keeping traction in these corners, knuckle down, and stop drifting around.
I'm coming to get ya! A little bit too much sliding.
I'm just addicted to it.
Whoa! This is a bumpy road here.
In the blue car, I was starting to discover the limitations of the system.
Getting the power pulled on the bumps.
Around each corner and every time the road got bumpy, it pulled a little bit of power, trying to maintain grip.
In the red, I was resisting the urge to drift around every corner and was gaining ground.
This is it.
That's how it works right there! The last corner to the finish.
The red and blue cars were neck and neck.
But this was also the bumpiest part of the course.
Oh, the bumps, they pulled the power! Oh! That's the finish! Yeah! I just beat myself.
I don't know why I'm so happy about that.
So, I'd managed to finish with my pride intact, but just barely.
With such effective tech like the performance traction-management system added to the high performance and good looks, the new Stingray could be the first American sports car in years to turn the heads of its illustrious euro rivals.
Hold together, baby! Oh, we're vibrating now! And one of us gets to drive the brand-new Corvette Stingray.
Memphis, Tennessee, home to the blues, barbecue, and Southern hospitality.
We came here to test out the biggest cars in America, also known as land barges.
During the '60s and '70s, the U.
S.
made huge cars, nearly twice the size of today's compacts, with spongy suspensions that made it feel like you were driving a boat.
But which one of these iconic cars was the best? To find out, we each picked our favorite and met up on the banks of the Mississippi.
I can't wait for you guys to see what I brought.
It will not be as cool as what I got.
You guys, I've got the classic, the absolute classic.
Who got the donk? You did not! It's even better than I thought! What?! I chose a 1976 Chevy Caprice Classic.
It's over 18½ feet long, and it weighs 4,400 pounds.
Now, I'll be honest.
At one point, it probably looked puny like these two, but it has been turned into what they would call a donk.
Yes.
Yeah, so, you basically take the car, you lift it with a 6-inch lift kit and 24-inch wheels and tires on it.
And I'm sure the ride is nice and smooth.
With those profile tires.
Oh, look at this.
Look at this.
Soft.
Just plush.
Not a lot of flex once you get it up in the air.
You're just floating up there.
I would never drive this car, nor would I wear those shorts.
My kids picked these shorts out.
That doesn't make it okay.
Behold, gentlemen.
I picked the 1970 Buick Deuce-and-a-quarter.
It's almost 7 feet wide with a 430 v-8 in it.
This is what this challenge is all about.
And they called it a Deuce-and-a-quarter, 225, because that's how long it was.
225 inches.
This is perfect.
This is like driving a living room.
Okay, it's got some cool look to it, but it's tiny.
It is not tiny! It's under 19 feet.
The only car here over 19 feet Is the 1974 Lincoln Continental Mark IV.
This thing is massive.
Under the hood, 7.
5-liter 460, big block.
How much does it weigh? 5,400 pounds dry.
Oh! Oh, she's a big girl.
That is unbelievable! Now, you know these big old cars aren't my thing, but this one's still the best one here.
Only car here with leather interior, white with red accents.
This is how it's supposed to be right here, gentlemen.
Look at that red carpet! Wow.
- That is terrible! It looks like a casino.
- Oh! - Ah! Easy! Oh, you got the cowbell mirrors.
Let's just let him play for a minute.
Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Okay.
That's enough.
To test our land barges, we were told to make a 200-mile journey across Tennessee to Nashville with a few challenges along the way.
You're gonna mess up my mirror.
But first, we had to get off the barge.
Oh, listen to that.
Tanner, move up! Move forward, Adam! You can't make the turn! Move up! Just move forward, and then I can get out.
You go that way! Hey! What's he shouting about?! This was a little more difficult than we expected.
Let's just think about this for a second.
All right.
Come on back.
You're good! Keep go stop! Hey! The (Bleep) are you going so fast?! Relax! Why don't you tone it down there, speedy? We're on a barge! Now, a little more towards Tanner, just a hair.
Boom! Yeah! I think I got to get the ass that way, right? Yeah.
You could try to power-brake it while I push that side.
Do it.
1, 2, 3.
That's good! That's good there! That was ingenious! Don't run me over.
- For real?! - Come on.
No! I'm not going more forward! Come on! You got nothing but barge back here.
Come on.
Cut it.
There you go.
Oh, praise the lord.
Let's ride out.
With our cars back on dry land Onward! We headed to our first challenge 30 miles away.
I love this car! This Buick takes me back to my childhood.
My Uncle Tony had a '71 Electra, and he used to drive me to school.
You know how cool he was? He would pull over five blocks before we got there, let me get behind the wheel so the kids could see me rolling up.
I was 12.
Buicks used to be considered the car the doctor drove.
The doctor would come to your house, and 9 times out of 10, he showed up in a Buick.
Thinking was if he showed up in a Chevy, you'd think, "how good a doctor can he be?" And if he showed up in a Cadillac, you're thinking, "this guy's gonna charge me a fortune.
" Wow.
This thing is soft.
Oh, my gosh.
Are you kidding me? We have a little bit of body roll.
The steering wheel, it's like a video game steering wheel that you could just spin forever.
But my Mark IV's floaty suspension did have its advantages.
You can drive yourself a brand-new Rolls-Royce and it will not flow over the bumps like this nearly 6,000-pound beast.
Here's a big dip.
It's insane.
It is insane.
They don't build luxury cars like they used to.
Rut's modified Caprice, on the other hand, it sacrificed comfort for what he assured us was style.
Oh, hello.
Oh, my God! Oh, that was awesome! When this '76 Caprice Coupe came out, it was 4,900 bucks, which today would be about 24 grand.
So, it was really an everyman's car.
But nowadays In the hip-hop world, this donked-out Caprice is a huge status symbol.
Growing up as a white kid in Alabama, I thought, "one day, I'll be in a hip-hop group.
" I just had no idea that I actually would attain the car that I so greatly desired.
Look, I'll be honest, Rut.
I know you've had some weird choices of cars out of the 60-plus that you've owned.
But I would not drive that donk two feet.
The Buick, admittedly, I'd drive that probably 20 or 30 feet.
I think you guys just can't handle the fact that, yeah, this car is ri-donk-a-donk.
Y'all just can't handle a big girl like this.
That's your problem.
After half an hour, we arrived at the location of our first challenge.
Wow.
That is an experience.
I would say the same for driving this.
It's like death in slow motion.
This is just smooth and gliding, my friend.
Ooh, hey.
You feel nothing in this car.
How about this? "To see which of your cars has maintained the most power, "you'll compete in a speed test.
High speed over a quarter mile wins.
" High speed, and you're over 5,000 pounds.
Yeah, but I got a 460.
Do ya? Yeah, that Buick, it looks good, but all show, no go, I'm afraid.
You know, it's got 360 horsepower.
- What?! - Uh-huh.
- No, it doesn't.
- Really? My hoopty.
Holy crap.
Okay, well, I'm gonna go first.
Okay.
Go.
It a lin-can, not a lin-can't.
Oh, ho! I see what you did! See? See? Now, a top-speed run is gonna be about which of our cars has survived the last 30-plus years with the most grace.
- You ready? - Yeah.
Don't point that thing at me! Sorry! Sorry! - Why is that a problem? - Don't point that It's not a real gun.
That's a cancer gun.
Get it away from me.
All right.
You ready, Tanner? I'm ready.
- Bring it! Here goes nothing.
Here he comes.
20.
30.
A lot of heat! A lot of shaking! He looks like a tv evangelist just robbed a liquor store.
48, 50.
Come on, baby! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Oh, here he comes.
Yeah! That felt kind of slow.
Yeah, that'll do.
What an idiot.
Perfect.
It's nice to know that in whatever car you're in, you're gonna drive the exact same way.
Love this thing! What's my speed? - How'd it feel? Fast, as dangerous as hell.
71 miles an hour.
Yeah.
Felt faster.
Look, 71 miles an hour is not fast.
Agreed.
But it's faster than your cars are gonna go.
Who's up? I'll go.
All right.
Do it.
24, son! This is a top-speed run, so I obviously have this rebuilt Chevy 350 in my favor.
What I don't have is 4,400 pounds and 24-inch wheels in my favor.
For your safety and the wildlife in this general vicinity, please don't go over 71 miles an hour.
Hey, if y'all see a big 24-inch wheel just rolling solo by itself - Oh, my gosh.
Heads up.
It might be traveling at a high rate of speed.
Copy.
Thanks for the heads up.
You ready? I was born ready.
All right.
Hit it, Rut.
Okay.
And we're off.
Here he comes.
Yep.
There is it.
It sounds like a dragon farting.
That is one tall first gear Oh, second gear! There's 50.
He's at 50 already? - 60.
My speedometer says 40.
I don't believe that is correct.
Come on, baby! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! That did not feelVery fast.
Was I flying or what?! That feltReally It was a lot of noise.
Yeah.
Did I break triple digits? Uh, no.
I'll tell you this.
You were faster than I thought you were gonna be.
Yeah? No way! How about that?! 68 miles an hour.
You lose, but you lose with style.
All right.
Let me have that.
You're up.
- Right.
All right.
Let's see if I can get the big girl up past 71 miles an hour and stay alive.
If he drives this car like he drives every other car, he's probably dead, and we have a chance of dying.
All right, crazy man.
You ready? Ready! In 3, 2, 1, don't go faster than me! Coming up, Rut's Caprice finally rides like it's on rails.
Oh, there goes the barbecue! Whoo-hoo! There went the tea! And later, one of us gets to put the hammer down on the all-new Corvette Stingray.
We were in Tennessee, competing to see which one of our classic behemoths was best.
So far in our high-speed challenge, I'd clocked in with a speed of 71 miles an hour.
Rut put down a pathetic 68.
In 3, 2, 1, don't go faster than me! Now Adam was trying to beat us both.
All right.
Got a little bit of wheelspin.
We're off.
Oh, she's Now she's starting to shake.
30.
40.
Already? Second gear.
Here we go.
According to my speedometer, I'm doing 60! Look, he's smoking! He's smoking! 69, 70.
Hold together, baby! Oh, we're vibrating now! He's going 80 miles an hour.
Watch out.
- Watch out.
Watch out.
- He is not! Aah! Hit the brakes! Oh (Bleep) 83 miles an hour! Five more miles an hour, he could have traveled back in time.
You know what? That was faster than you! That was much faster than me.
Ho, ho! How does it feel to lose? I'm used to it, but what's your excuse? Well, I'm alive.
According to that speedometer, I hit 80.
Really?! 83 miles an hour.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh, that's it! Oh, big girl can run! Hee, hee, hee! With my Buick triumphant, we headed to our next challenge 88 miles away in Humboldt, Tennessee.
Having lost the speed challenge, race boy was handling it with his usual grace and dignity.
All right.
Fine, Adam.
You get one.
I mean, after all, this is basicallymade for you.
You choose one of these old-man cars for every single show we do, and finally we do a show that's actually about old-man cars.
You're welcome.
I mean, let's face it.
This just isn't my car era.
While Tanner was bitchin', "M.
C.
Plaid" and I were in our element.
Tanner will never understand a car like this because there's no exhaust note.
You don't hear the intake.
You don't hear the valves.
You don't hear the motor.
And it's done by design.
It's designed to keep the outside out and the inside in.
I don't want to feel anything.
I just want to lay back and cruise.
That's what this car was about.
Doesn't it amaze you guys that this is what people loved in the late '60s and '70s, just this over-the-top decadence? Well, it wasn't really decadence.
There was no restraints then.
It was before the oil crisis.
It was basically just big cars, but everything was big then.
We made our world to fit the cars, not the other way around.
We made it to Humboldt for our next challenge.
I feel like I need a ladder for this thing.
Now you know how Tanner feels.
That's not funny.
Get it? 'Cause you're short.
Lunch? I am ready.
I'm starving, actually.
Wow.
Who is this a barbecue meal for, André the giant? You'd knock this out.
I've seen you knock something like this out.
No way in hell I've eaten that much! Are you kidding? I've seen you do this standing up.
This seems a little much, though.
Ooh, is that sweet tea? - Mmm.
- Yeah? That's the good stuff right there.
Our next challenge would put our cars' suspensions to the test.
We would have to drive 200 yards on the railroad tracks, then back up to the start line, all while carrying a Southern barbecue meal.
Fastest time with the most food on the plate would win.
Race boy was up first.
Come here.
There you go.
Hey, you wax? Okay.
Let's see here.
- Okay.
- All right.
There you go.
Look at that.
Step back.
I don't want to get anything on my shorts.
Yeah, I wouldn't want you to get any barbecue sauce on your pink shorts.
- Okay, you ready? - Let's freakin' do this! Here we go.
In 3, 2, 1.
Go! Oh! Nice and easy! Nice and easy! Hey, take your hand off that tray.
It's smooth as silk! Smooth as silk! No problem whatsoever! He's gonna rip a tire on a bolt! He's so close to the rail there! Oh, brakes.
Oh, brakes.
Oh, that's cold! He got down there really quick.
Come on! He's getting smoke in reverse! Oh, that's not cooked properly.
A normal car would be easier to keep it straight coming back, but this thing's just so long.
That's got Look at all the wobble.
Unbelievably smooth ride in the Lincoln continental! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Stop the clock! Get this damn thing out of here! There's macaroni in the buttons.
Chocolate everywhere.
56:10 was your time.
But no edible food.
You threw it on the ground.
Yeah, that's true.
It was undercooked.
You want some cupcake? No, I don't.
Here you go.
That's yours.
I don't want How about a little macaroni?! I don't want the cupcake.
Come on! - I know you're hungry.
That's not a fat joke, either.
Adam was up next, and he eased his beloved Buick onto the tracks.
There's two things I don't want to do.
I don't want to wreck the car, and I don't want this in my lap.
And I don't see any way of avoiding either one.
Look at the ground clearance.
It's never happening.
Oh, yeah.
Look at that.
I-I'm ready.
In 3, 2, 1, go! This is really anticlimactic.
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Oh! Oh! Oh, don't scrape! Go for it! Don't scrape! Don't do it! Oh! It's scraping! It's scraping! Don't! Don't! Oh! Oh, that's terrible! No! No! No! Okay.
I'm done.
I'm done.
What's he doing? No more.
I am not hurting this car.
No! No! No! No! No! No! Red flag! Aah! Aah! Aah! Oh, don't! Don't! Don't! - What are you doing?! - You didn't Oh! Oh! Okay.
What are you doing? Okay, here's the thing.
Don't don't don't.
Don't you dare.
- You cheated! - Whoa! - How did I get that?! - You cheated! Okay.
You made it about 20 feet.
Which was 20 more than I thought I was gonna make it.
Why did you stop? I was ripping up the bottom of the car.
I can't destroy this car.
So, all right, fine.
I lose.
If you want to save the car, you need to stand in the firing squad and take some pork in the face.
- It's like a penalty kick.
- Yeah.
That's your mark, that cupcake wrapper right there.
All right, I get to defend myself, though.
Oh, you took my pork! Oh, you took my pork! That's it! You He's pretty quick.
All right! We're done! Well, this isNot looking good for me or my pink shorts.
He's already in trouble.
Okay.
I'm ready.
It's barbecue ti oh! Oh, gosh! That was huge! You ready? In 3, 2, 1, go! Oh! Oh, I'm wet! Did he just throw something at us? Yes.
Oh, geez! Oh, my gosh! Ooh, it looks really rough.
Oh, there goes the barbecue! Whoo-hoo! There went the tea! We were in Tennessee, finding out which of our land barges was the best.
I had taken the first challenge.
Yes! Yes! But our second challenge testing ride quality Oh, that's cold! There went the tea! Was causing some problems.
Oh, my! Oh, the whole tray's gone! I can hear him from here.
Oh, it's so cold! That is so cold.
Big daddy's cold.
Okay, he made it to the red flag.
He didn't stall.
Why do people drive cars like this?! This is a terrible idea! Here he comes.
Oh, gosh.
Oh, lord.
Oh! Oh, no! Ooh, he hit the track! Oh, there's potato salad in my shorts! Is he okay? Uh-oh.
That's bad.
He just stopped.
All right, fellas, I got a little problem.
Did you finish lunch? I think I just popped a tire.
Call AAA.
Okay.
They'll be right there.
They're gonna send a train.
What'd you do there, buddy? Ohh! Oh, gosh.
- That looks like - Ohh! Looks like we got to adjust grandpa's medicine.
Is it bad? No, you're fine.
You're fine.
You're fine.
'Cause it feels It feels really It's fine.
Wait.
There's a little something.
It's dripping.
- Okay, got it.
- You're good.
- Am I okay? - You're good.
You're good.
Oh, man.
Look at that.
Seriously, you stopped for that? Yeah, apparently, I must have gotten too close to the things here on the right side and just popped a hole in it.
You can barely tell since it's a low pro, but I heard the rim hitting.
I think you can keep going.
I can't drive on a rim! That's a stupid idea! As opposed to those shorts? Well, I mean, I'd like to point out I'm the only one who has any food left.
4:10, 4:11.
The clock's still running.
You didn't actually complete the task.
Yeah.
- So, I win.
Is that is that a headlight on the track? Yeah.
I'm out of here.
Ready? Good talk.
See you in Nashville.
There There's a train coming.
You guys aren't gonna help me? You feel bad about leaving him back there? Look, Rut is smart enough to get out of the way, don't you think? No.
Not if the train's gonna dent his donk.
As we traveled to the next challenge, I started to realize why people like land barges.
There's something cool about just open Sunday afternoon cruising in a big-ass American car.
After the smoothest of drives, we arrived at a park just outside of Nashville where we'd do our final challenge.
Adam and I both had a win, so I had to win the last challenge to get my hands on the Stingray.
This is awesome.
This is awesome.
An hour and a half later, Rut finally found us, and he had made some modifications.
I'm rollin' now, rollin' now to do it big, do it big livin' life they wish they did gotta go for yours what?! Make the haters say congratulations Wow! You de-donked it.
I couldn't find another 24, and since I shredded that one getting off the tracks, these 14s were the biggest I could find.
Surprisingly, I don't think it drives better, but it is a little more land barge-y, - a little more floaty.
- Mm-hmm? Look, I mean this in the nicest way.
You're a freakin' idiot.
You've taken the worst possible choice and made it even worse.
I think it's perfect.
It's even more horrible than it was before.
You should just go home.
But there was still one more challenge.
We had to prove just how big and over the top each of our cars were, and we were given half an hour to come up with an impressive feat.
I was up first.
Go ahead.
Light 'em up! Light 'em up! Nothing.
Well, it's spinning.
I can hear it.
Rut in his Caprice hadn't won anything yet, so whatever he was gonna do, it had to be good.
30 minutes later Oh, my God.
That's not what I think it is, is it? I don't know how everybody else tryin' to live I had the feeling since I was a kid Ahoy! I gigantic with everything I did Now, that's a land barge.
Huh? Really? I'm genuinely concerned about you right now.
This is ridiculous! This is This is storm damage! This is a 12-foot aluminum johnboat in the back of a '76 Caprice! That's a good land barge.
What makes it a good land barge because you got junk in the trunk? You don't think that's cool that you can fit I don't need a trailer! This car is so big, you can just fling a boat in the back.
All right, once again, you proved that you're mentally unstable.
I'm gonna show you what makes a great land barge.
Stay here.
Go fishing if you want.
Look at that definition, huh? Look at that.
Standing like that does not make the shorts okay.
Does this make them look better? That's better.
After 25 minutes, Rutledge finally brought the subject back to Adam's Buick Deuce-and-a-quarter.
You realize he tries to pick that car for basically anything we do.
This just happened to be the one that it fit into.
"Hey, guys.
You need a 4x4 that'll fit a family? How about a Deuce-and-a-quarter?!" "Yeah! Deuce-and-a-quarter! I got this maroon one picked out.
It's great.
" We need a compact car from the '80s, high-performance.
"Okay, get this Deuce-and-a-quarter! - It's perfect!" - Oh, my gosh.
Do you Do you hear a piano? Oh, my goodness.
What?! Eh? Let me explain the genius of this Two birds with one stone, gentlemen.
As you know, my radio's broke.
So now I have music, and I have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Buick is the greatest land barge on the planet big enough to put a baby grand piano on the roof with a piano player.
This is Ian.
How you doing? You've lost it.
This is easily your worst idea ever.
I've had worse than this.
- Wow.
Okay, you guys are completely missing the point.
A boat in your truck and a baby baby grand on your roof does not a land barge make.
Mine is still the best land barge out here, and I'm gonna show you why.
Follow me.
Graceful.
Really graceful.
What an idiot.
Follow me.
It's gonna be so awesome.
We had no idea where Tanner was leading us, but whatever he had in mind, there was no way it would top my baby grand Buick.
This car drives great even with a piano on the roof, proving once again that the Buick is the best land barge there is.
This car drives even worse with these tiny wheels on it.
I mean, now this is how it drives.
Unh, unh, unh, unh, unh.
Left, right, left, right.
Ernh, ernh, ernh, ernh.
Only thing Tanner could do to make that land barge cool is to set it on fire and push it in the river, which I believe is illegal.
All right, guys.
Hold up here just for a quick second.
For what? And 3, 2, 1, I'll be right back.
What are we doing here? Where's he going? I don't know.
Oh! Is he writing his name in the asphalt? Where is he? Where is he? What is that? Do you see that? Holy We were just outside Nashville, Tennessee, competing over which one of us had chosen America's best big car, also known as a land barge.
Our final challenge was all about making the biggest impression with our cars.
I managed to haul a boat without using a trailer.
Adam had replaced his broken radio with a baby grand piano and a pianist.
And now it was Tanner's turn.
I think he's on his way.
I got it.
Why would you jump out of a perfectly good helicopter? Why would you get in a perfectly good helicopter? Yes! He just caught The stig.
With his car.
That was impressive.
Don't tell him that.
That's right! Read it and weep! Read it and weep! It was really cool, though.
That was outstanding.
Say nothing.
There it is! Victory.
Victory? That is the sound of victory right there Dinner bell.
So, just because the stig is really good at His aim That's pretty much all that proves is the stig can aim.
Yeah, I mean, what he did was impressive.
Nothing that you did was cool at all.
We drove out here for absolutely nothing.
Clearly, the piano wins.
What are you talking about? I have a boat in the back of my land barge.
Boat, barge together I win.
Your lame cars and your little accessories I just landed a human from the clouds onto my land barge.
I'm driving the Stingray.
See ya.
And before anybody could argue with my logic See ya! I was gonna claim my prize.
It doesn't seem fair.
I mean, clearly, I have the best land barge here, and then off he goes.
- See ya, suckers! - No, come on! Whoo! Very funny! Very funny! Leaving the guys behind didn't bother me at all.
I'd put up with driving those slow cars long enough.
I needed a speed fix at any cost.
So I headed to a top secret test track to get my hands on the rebirth of a legend.
As I've just discovered, some things from the past are best left there as warm, fuzzy, distant memories.
But not always.
Some things from the past are so legendary, so iconic, that when they suddenly reappear, you can't help but scream to the hills.
And this is one of those things The 2014 C7 Corvette Z51, and here's the best part Wait for it Stingray.
Whoo-ah! This was no land barge.
With an engine-developing 450 brake horsepower and a top speed of 190 miles per hour, the Stingray is quick.
Chevy claims that it's much less of a road car with racing technology and more of a race car that's just built to run on the road.
With the improvement in the steering wheel They might be right about that.
Oh, my gosh! Whoops.
The original Stingray was launched in 1963.
It remains one of the coolest cars ever made.
It was the car that the Apollo and Mercury astronauts raced on the highways of Cape Canaveral.
It doesn't get much cooler than that.
Now, for the first time in 30 years, the legendary name is back, and Corvette has set their sights on wooing younger buyers away from the German competition.
In fact, the benchmark in development was the $100,000 Porsche 911 Carrera S.
So, what have they done to reach the incredibly high bar set by Porsche and its euro buddies? Well, to start with, they've got a whole new generation LT1 v-8 engine.
It creates 465 foot-pounds of torque.
That's 150 more than a 911 or even a Ferrari 458.
What does that get you? Well, it means that just about anybody can do this.
One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, 60.
3.
8 seconds zero to 60.
The difference in driving this around the track and the Porsche that this car claims to be benchmarking is that the Porsche would be a much more precise, razor-edge experience.
For this, just the outright grunt of the motor, just the brutality of the torque and how easily it gains speed makes it feel almost juvenile.
Ohh! A little bit of air there.
You can make mistakes.
You don't have to be disciplined.
You can do all the wrong stuff Oh, God! And it's still awesome.
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yeah! But if there's one area that Corvette has historically fallen short of the European rivals, it's in the interior, and Chevy claims to have taken note.
The interior no longer looks like an economy rental car.
Plastic is no longer the go-to material.
Aluminum, leather, even carbon fiber helped dragged the Corvette out of the '90s and into the 21st century.
The exterior You still know it's a Corvette, but with its sleeker, more modern lines, it's more Usain Bolt than Hulk Hogan.
Chevy claims that every single one of these changes was born in the wind tunnel and with only one thing in mind speed.
Well, if the entire goal was to make the car faster, it was based on function, and you can actually feel it working, it's all good for me.
In its attempts to match its euro rivals, Corvette has filled the Stingray with state-of-the-art technology.
But one thing really grabbed my attention The new traction system.
Now, traction control and stability control are nothing new in the automotive world, but it's generally known that it's faster for a professional driver to turn those systems off.
But Chevy makes a pretty bold claim.
They say that their performance traction-management system is so good that it's virtually unbeatable, and that, to me, frankly, sounds like a challenge.
Coming up, I take to the streets of Detroit to see which is faster A computer or me.
After winning the biggest-car challenge, I'd enjoyed pushing my prize, a superfast Corvette Stingray, to the limits.
But now I was headed to the streets of Detroit to test Chevy's claim that the 2014 Corvette's driving modes are so good that even a race car driver can't beat them.
Now that the streets are basically empty, we've locked down six blocks and built our own private racing circuit.
Pretty cool, but not as cool as what we've done to the Stingray.
Yes, it looks like something you might see parked out of a strip club, but there's a reason.
Because we wanted a real-time comparison, we decided to use some camera trickery so that I could race myself.
I'd do three laps with the red traction-off Stingray and three with the blue traction-on Stingray.
Then we would combine the images to see exactly which version was fastest on our street course.
This is the red me, the non-computer-aided me.
Everything turned off.
Just these hands, these feet, and this machine.
I can do anything I want around here drift, slide, spin.
None of these electronic babysitters to keep me in check.
And hopefully, that's enough to kick his ass.
Okay, I'm the blue Tanner.
I like long walks on the beach, soft jazz, and I'm a gemini.
I'm gonna be working with the performance traction-management system on, and we will be smoking this control-freak red guy.
Yeah, how are you doing? Yeah, good to Good to see you.
What a dork.
Okay, Chevy, track mode, and in the track mode, not sport 1, not sport 2, but race.
Stingray, you have the conn.
So, the stage was set.
It was man versus machine.
In 3 Clutch in, first gear.
2 Launch control active.
And beat the control freak.
Go! See ya! Oh, the launch control is good! By controlling wheelspin and power, the launch control had given the blue traction-on car an immediate lead down the first straightaway.
Oh, my gosh! In the red traction-off car, I'd been tempted into drifting the corner and lost even more ground to the blue car.
Oh, my gosh.
This is gonna be harder than I thought.
In the blue traction-on car, I was starting to appreciate how the management systems were stopping me from going too sideways into the corners, like the red car.
Oh, the traction control you can feel when you come out of the corners.
It's almost completely seamless the way it gives you the power back.
The blue car had built up a 20-yard lead.
A little bit of much wheelspin on that one.
With two laps to go, the blue car was maintaining its lead.
So in the red car, I needed to focus on keeping traction in these corners, knuckle down, and stop drifting around.
I'm coming to get ya! A little bit too much sliding.
I'm just addicted to it.
Whoa! This is a bumpy road here.
In the blue car, I was starting to discover the limitations of the system.
Getting the power pulled on the bumps.
Around each corner and every time the road got bumpy, it pulled a little bit of power, trying to maintain grip.
In the red, I was resisting the urge to drift around every corner and was gaining ground.
This is it.
That's how it works right there! The last corner to the finish.
The red and blue cars were neck and neck.
But this was also the bumpiest part of the course.
Oh, the bumps, they pulled the power! Oh! That's the finish! Yeah! I just beat myself.
I don't know why I'm so happy about that.
So, I'd managed to finish with my pride intact, but just barely.
With such effective tech like the performance traction-management system added to the high performance and good looks, the new Stingray could be the first American sports car in years to turn the heads of its illustrious euro rivals.