Veep s04e04 Episode Script

After successful visits to Jordan and Egypt, President Meyer's Middle East peace tour continues with her trip to Israel.
You lose your job, you're radioactive for a while.
That's just how it works.
Yes, I am taking care of myself, Mother.
No, I didn't send her a get-well card 'cause you don't get a get-well card when you have plastic surgery.
I've got to go.
'Cause I'm I'm going for a run.
Okay, bye.
I've extended my stay in Israel for another day.
So I may need to borrow some toothpaste.
President Meyer has ended her 10-day world tour with a surprise visit to Iran.
Her historic meeting could signal an end to decades of mistrust.
See that tour? I set that up.
See that shelf? I made that.
It's believed President Meyer may also secure the release of detained American reporter Leon West.
This trip is like a miracle.
Where's the woman who changed world politics? - She's taking a piss.
- She's freshening up.
I'm so tired, I could sleep a horse.
Or whatever that word thing is.
Wait, Ben, is this Ambien? How many of these have you taken? Look, I need to sleep.
I got all jacked up on licorice last night and I was belly dancing till dawn.
- Is it time to get Leon yet? - Oh, checking.
Imagine being detained for two weeks just 'cause you're a journalist and a shithead.
Yeah.
It's a good job we had nothing to do with his being detained.
- Yeah, wouldn't that be terrible? - Mm-hmm.
Wait, did we have something to do with? Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, you better cheer For the president of the year.
Yeah! - Hey, you know what you are? - What? - You're an amazing man.
- Thank you.
- And you know what amazing men get? - What? - Two-day weekend.
- This weekend? - Yeah.
- I'm going to the cottage with Wendy! Oh, they're detaining Leon for one more hour.
Oh, God.
I have to wait here another hour before we can fly out? You have to get a photo with Leon West, ma'am.
- Yeah.
- It's the one and only time anyone's ever gonna say that.
Let's use the hour, then, okay? Let's cure diabetes or learn Italian.
Why don't you take a nap? Are you kidding? I'm never gonna sleep again.
I gotta run around like a Labrador or a guy on fire or something like that.
Iran.
Iran! Isn't that amazing? Ooh, I've got to go to the bathroom again.
I'll be right back.
- Wow, she's excited.
- She's fucking nuts.
How are the folks on the press plane? Sober.
They got the shakes so bad, I think I see the plane rattling.
Well, you've got to tell them we got to stay another hour.
An hour? These guys could be drinking jet fuel.
Whoa, out of my way! It was a false alarm.
I don't know why.
Hey, ma'am, why don't I give you a shoulder massage or something? - It'll kind of help you unwind, defocus.
- No! I don't want to defocus.
I'm all focus.
I could, like, bang a nail into that wall with my gaze.
Do you know what I mean? You having fun? - Yes.
- Are you having fun? - So much fun.
- What kind of wood is this table? - I don't know.
Let me check.
- I think it's ash.
Uh-uh.
- I'm gonna redo my kitchen.
Ma'am, you think you want to think about this right now? Yeah, sure.
I mean, we've got time.
- We've got an hour.
- Do we? Okay.
I'm gonna get all new cabinets.
And I want to match this except I don't like these knots.
Now that the president's tour has been extended by a day, the vice president will be picking up part of the president's schedule starting with the Rainbow Jersey event supporting all sexualities in sports with NBA star Freddy Wallace.
Yes? How do you respond to Senator O'Brien's comment That the American people need a president, not a Meyertollah? It's a cheap pun, so absolutely expect - That finishing sentences thing is - Irritating? Very.
But sometimes necessary when people are being slow or dull.
- Yes? - When's Mike back? Hilarious.
Well done.
No people skills.
Like a robot.
- Hmm.
on the background of the detained US journalist Leon West? Guys.
Guys.
Sorry about the delay.
Turns out the Iranians need everything in triplicate.
Maybe that's 'cause they invented numbers, huh? - How's Leon doing? - He's fine.
They're releasing him any minute.
Let's face it, he's probably gonna get a book deal out of this.
See that? Catlike reflexes.
Oh, and maybe don't start drinking Heads up! - till you're up in the air out of courtesy to our host nation.
- Catch! - Just open the bar! Great chatting.
Wow, Freddy Wallace.
Hall of Famer.
Mr.
Gay NBA.
In my family, basketball is a religion.
Also Catholicism.
That's actually the main one.
Oh, hey, guys.
Can you get Freddy's autograph? - It's for my friend's son.
- Who should he make it out to? - Sue Wilson.
He's named after me.
- Oh.
- Is this the speech? - Yes, sir.
- Any snags? - No, all good.
Sir, Freddy Wallace may use the term LGBT.
I remember it this way L is for ladies who play tennis, G is for guys who do other guys, B is for bisexual I couldn't think of one to go for that - and T - Is for tucking it in or tacking it on.
It's transgender, actually.
Thanks for killing my joke and then mutilating it.
Well, as my grandfather never said, let's go be inclusive.
Have you seen Kent's polling? I could not be more likable if I had given both of my kidneys to some sick kid.
God Almighty! Gary, I want some champagne.
- Mm-hmm.
- Ma'am, we're in a tea totalitarian state.
Look at these numbers.
I keep staring at them.
I'm gonna make this, like, a screensaver.
Wonder how you do that.
The Rainbow Jersey shows that there's no place for discrimination either on or off the court.
And I'm proud to have the president I'm sorry, the vice president on my team.
- Sparkling water.
- Thank you.
I put the champagne in the water bottles.
- You don't have to explain.
I can tell what you did.
- Yeah.
Oh, look at Doyle.
- Did he have his teeth capped? - Oh, my God.
The last surviving Golden Girl.
Almost put him in the penalty box for that, but that's hockey, so I'm gonna say a little something.
Wasn't this originally written for POTUS? A speech is a speech.
Phonemes connecting to produce meanings.
Sports can bring us together, help end homophobia.
When I was a boy, it was my gay friends who taught me how to be tolerant and how to be true to yourself and how to dance to Madonna.
- Madonna? - What? Was I supposed to say that? You know, back in college, my girlfriends would Boyfriends my friends Perhaps it did need some reworking.
Thank you so much for your assistance, Abbas.
They're bringing the journalist out.
- Is he a friend of yours? - Leon? Oh, God, no.
He is the asshole of an asshole's asshole.
I feel bad for the guys who had to guard him.
- Mike.
- Leon.
A face I never thought I'd want to kiss.
- I still don't.
- Nice hotel? Yeah, I'll have something to say about it on TripAdvisor.
- Worst minibar ever.
- Amongst other things, yeah.
Oh, this is Abbas, our liaison.
- Leon West.
- Apologies, Mr.
West.
Both countries had to deny the visit, but now we confirm.
Wait, both countries? Uh, his English isn't very good.
It sounded fine to me.
And you, sir, get to fly home on Air Force One.
- Whoa.
- Yeah.
I'm shallow enough for that to be exciting.
Did you know it can survive a nuclear blast? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Not that you guys are planning one.
I ignore me.
I don't know why I said that.
His English isn't very good.
Well, let's get you going.
The president has a big-ass scotch on the rocks for you.
- Yeah.
- Which is iced tea.
It's iced tea.
- Thank you, Abbas.
- Mike.
Thank you.
- Safe trip.
- Safe stay.
So let's celebrate all things L and GBT.
Huh? Though these days we use the more inclusive LGBTQ.
We do! Um, and I respect all people's rights to be a Q.
Or rather just Q.
Yeah, just Q.
Sounds like he's learning a sex alphabet.
I've seen a salmon in a grizzly's mouth look less panicky than that.
Everybody knows that Q means questioning.
Ironically, the straight guy is very stiff around the gay guy.
Our polling said that he was widely perceived as quite wooden.
Why were you polling him? I was polling him against other potential running mates.
- Just move! - I'm not a backwards walker, Amy.
The president promised Doyle he'd be on the ticket and she wouldn't poll other possible running mates.
No one told me that.
Yet again, the left hand has no idea what the right hand is doing and the freakish middle hand is punching me repeatedly in the tits.
Well, that was an education.
I mean, what I really want to do is get into lobbying.
But it's only been, like, six weeks and three days, so I'm not sweating it.
Oh, hold on.
I got another call.
Sidney, hey! It's so funny.
I was literally just commenting to a friend about lobb Yeah, you're right, that's not interesting.
Yes, I would love to come in.
So this is PKM.
This place is huge.
Yep.
Wait till you see the dolphinarium.
It's right near the Latin Quarter.
And he's got the red-light district.
God, this place is so awesome.
I kind of feel like hitting on it.
Well, there's women here you can do that to if you wanted.
- I noticed.
Oh.
- So, Dan, here's my pitch.
I can make you so rich, you can pay Bill Gates to give you a lap dance.
Let me hear your pitch.
Well, I'm smart, well-connected And fired.
Yeah, don't forget fired.
- Fired up - Oh, okay.
To put my contacts to work for your clients.
Well, that's music to my wallet.
But are you ready to take a dump on Mike McLintock's doorstep? Like an initiation kind of thing? No, I mean, can you take on clients who are best served by you shitting on the Meyer agenda? Oh, well, let me think about that.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- Great.
We'll get to that doorstep thing later, though.
Yeah, I'll still do that.
I'm into it.
Ma'am, may I present the hero of the hour along with yourself.
Welcome aboard Air Force One.
- Thank you, ma'am.
- Oh, gosh.
Oh.
Okay, are we still doing it? Okay.
Great, yeah.
- He needs deodorant.
- Uh-huh.
Well, I am so happy to see you, Leon.
We really did work tirelessly for your release.
Well, thank you, Madam President.
I haven't slept very much.
Well, I'm sure food is the last thing on your mind.
I know it's the last thing on my mind.
- I wonder if you're hungry, though.
- Yes, I am.
Because I'll tell you something, the adrenaline on this Mideast trip has just kept me from eating anything.
Did you just say you do want something to eat? - Yes, thank you.
- You do? - Oh, is that food? - No.
It's a It's deodorant.
Huh.
Uh Uh, all right.
What would you like to eat? Anything that's not chickpeas.
Hey! Why are those lovely long legs walking away from me? Probably means you.
Yeah, it's okay.
I got I got this.
I am not in the blame game, but that rainbow-colored clusterfuck in there was entirely your fault.
Whoa, okay, no.
Kent Davison polled other candidates for veep.
What the fuck? Did you just throw Kent into the blender to save your own ass? Not fully into the blender.
Maybe just a little bit.
Just the toe, 'cause That is the Jonah I've been trying to wake up since the day you got here.
And Kent Davison is a disloyal fucking prick.
I fucking hate Kent.
I want to wipe that neutral expression off his face.
- Here's how we're gonna do it.
- Okay.
We're gonna leak that the VP is dissatisfied and that he's thinking of walking.
We're gonna force POTUS to back Doyle.
I will not let you down.
All right, so what kind of media contacts do you have? - Liz Kerrigan.
- Liz? - Liz.
- How hard can you work this Liz? Oh, my God.
I can ride her hard, hang her up wet.
I like what I'm seeing, all right? - Show me more.
- Thank you, I will.
- Give 'em both barrels.
- Oh! Fucking nightmare.
It's just been such a magical time.
And I wish I could have visited every country in the whole world.
You know? Even New Zealand.
People are now comparing me to Nixon, I heard, right? - They didn't mean your looks.
- No, no, no, I don't mean that.
But, I mean, I'll take the comparison.
So where would you like to begin? Well, I don't really know what's happened lately because I've been locked in a hotel room without access to the outside world.
Of course.
You know what we need to do? We need to get Leon some of the press clippings.
I think he'd like to see some of those.
- Should I check on his food first? - Yes.
- No, no, get him the press clippings.
- Yeah.
First of all, the talks in Israel went so well that I was delayed a day getting here.
And then the talks here were just amazing.
So, just to clarify, you were delayed by a day.
- Yeah.
- My release was delayed by a day.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Here's those press clippings.
What I would like you to do is check on Leon's food.
- 'Cause I know you're hungry.
- Yeah.
- Ben, wake up.
- Gary, why are you giving me all that Ambien? - Mike.
Mike.
It's Mike.
- Mike.
Mike.
We got a problem with the vice president.
Okay, um, hang I'll be right back.
- I don't know what this is all about.
- Sure.
- What's going on? - Ma'am, Liz Kerrigan is running a story that Doyle is unhappy.
Should I go and see if there's any chatter about this on the press plane? Christ, it's that data fuck.
No.
I don't know.
Yes.
Let's just go with I don't know.
Okay, please nobody look, but Leon's watching.
Okay, so just go in there and distract him.
Give him a handjob if you have to, just get it done, okay? Wow, two weeks detained.
That is hard.
- I was in a hotel, so it wasn't that bad.
- Oh, no.
Leon is starting to think that his release was delayed by a day because my arrival here was delayed by a day.
He's gonna figure out that we didn't okay his release till now and then he'll write something bad about that.
- That could be bad.
- Yeah.
- That is bad.
- It is bad.
And Leon wanting to say it's bad is really bad.
It's worse.
Okay, look, in seven seconds, you come in there, Ben, you grab me by the hair and you drag me out, okay? Are you listening? - Yeah.
- Okay.
We got to find out where this Doyle story is coming from.
I'll check out the press plane.
You must be very tired.
Would you like to put a pin in this for a moment? Some people might think that the American government detaining an American journalist so that you can have a photo op might look bad.
Can you see that? - Leon, I respect you so much as a journalist.
- Thank you.
And when Ben and I were first discussing the peace talks, I said to Ben, I said, "Ben.
Ben, I" Ma'am, State Department.
- This I've got to take.
Excuse me.
Hello? - Never stops, does it? - Leon, you need to rest.
- Mm-hmm.
I just had one second of sleep and I feel great.
Okay, maybe the guys in the press plane would like me to go over there and tell them about the US government imprisoning a guy in Iran.
Go get Mike from the press plane.
- Fucking idiots.
- Yeah.
We've got to hold him hostage here.
Do you understand? We've got to take off now.
Mike and Gary are off the plane.
We have a pilot on the plane, right? Okay, so let's go.
We've got to go.
Leon, you've got to sit down.
I'm a bad flier and I might need somebody to hold me.
Are you seriously detaining me again? Am I being rendered? No, you're being friendered.
So just please accept our compulsory hospitality.
Oh, Jesus, that suit.
My gosh, you look like a middle-school teacher.
Okay, that's Erica.
She's gonna take you out and buy you some real suits.
Not these government-issued rags you're wearing.
She's not exactly government-issue herself, is she? - Yeah.
Hey, don't even look at her.
- Oh.
I'm kidding.
Or am I? Huh? No, seriously, I'm just fucking with you, Dan.
So listen, tonight we're gonna put you on TV as a political commentator.
- Yes! - Yeah? Finally, something good to watch on the idiot box.
We've just started lobbying for glacé cherries, so mention glacé cherries.
Well, how do I work in glacé cherries into a political roundtable? You'll figure it out.
Listen, you give me glacé cherries, and I'll give you a bed of money with pussy on the nightstand.
Maybe Erica.
But not her.
- No.
- But maybe.
We'll just let that hang.
- Yeah, yeah.
I know.
- Stay on your toes, buddy.
It's gonna be like that the entire time you're here.
Hey, that's Air Force One.
Oh, my God.
What the hell is happening? - Why are they leaving us? - Are we at war? - Is it here? Sweet Jesus.
- No, it can't be.
It can't be.
- Oh, sweet Jesus.
- Stop saying Jesus.
Stop it! This is how I see it.
I say the US is planning a secret trip.
The Iranians ask you to confirm the secret trip.
You say there's no secret trip because it's a secret.
They think I'm James Bond and detain me.
Leon, you're no fucking James Bond.
Journalism is storytelling.
You tell your story about your bravery, your integrity and how we rescued you and gave you warm nuts.
The Iranians detained me because of you.
That's my story.
They detained me an extra day because of you.
That's my other story.
Now, you want to be rescued or not, you ungrateful shit? My release was delayed because the president wanted to grab the headlines for freeing an American, an American she deliberately did not de-detain.
Jonah, either get Leon's mom to the air base or buy yourself a very convincing wig.
- Where's Kent? - I don't know.
Maybe he's bitten off his tracking device.
He should be here by now.
This is not okay.
- Mike.
- Break out the yellow ribbon, Sue.
- We are stranded in Iran.
- I'm really scared, Sue.
Man up, Gary.
Or at least lady down a bit.
Gary and Mike have been left behind in Iran.
Wonderful.
It's "Black Hawk Down" with Laurel and Hardy.
Amy, if anyone asks, no one's been left behind in Iran.
There you are.
Where have you been? I grew a small beard here.
Bill, of my various walking paces, I selected moderate to fast.
The press are saying that the VP is unhappy with the president.
- That doesn't make me happy.
- Because of the secret polling? Or because he's heard that someone has hacked the data of dead children? Or a third reason which is even worse than those? We've got to get inside Doyle's head, find out what he knows.
- Get out.
- No, come in.
You get out.
Mike, why exactly are you calling me? - What do we do, Sue? - There's a backup plane.
Find the backup plane.
- Come on! - Oh, my God.
Where is it? - I don't know! - Oh, shit! - Pardonne.
Pardonne.
- That's French! Ooh, am I in the wrong place? - Is this QVC? - Amy.
Hmm.
Hear you're lobbying with Sidney Purcell now.
The man whose dream vacation is hunting the street kids of Rio on a human safari.
Not lobbying.
No, that'd be illegal.
I'm a consultant.
And I gotta say, I like the guy a hell of a lot more ever since he told me how rich I'm gonna be.
Sorry you got fired.
You were almost good at your job, which really made you stand out.
Right back at you.
Can't be this nice to each other on air, you know.
Oh, I know.
May the best man win.
- And that'll be me.
- Which will be me.
Mike! Mike! I found the backup plane.
Come on.
Thank God.
I've never had strong feelings for a plane, but right now I would cheat on Wendy with that thing.
Jonah, we need to talk.
We are just in the car with Leon West's mother.
Do you need anything, ma'am? No, I'm good.
Thank you.
Great.
Jonah, I know something's happening at the VP's office.
Oh.
Okay, you do.
I need you to tell me what's going on.
And, uh, do I have to tell you that right now? Yes, you do.
I was thinking we could stop for a coffee.
Uh, Teddy's been touching me.
Or tea.
Uh, just processing that.
Wait, Mr.
Davison? Shit, am I on speakerphone? Sorry, Jonah, what happened exactly? Um, well, he He he cupped my testicles.
On another occasion, he patted or tapped on my testicles.
And then on another occasion, he held my testicles for a significantly long time.
Guess what.
I just got engaged.
Are you fucking kidding me? Catherine's there, too? Hi, Jonah.
Jason proposed and I said yes.
Well, shit, congratulations.
- Marriage is good.
- It's a fine institution.
Don't tell my mom.
I want to surprise her.
Jonah, is there anything else you want to tell us? I don't know.
Is there anybody else in the room? Just myself and Bill again.
- And I'm here taking notes.
- Sue's there?! Fuck! Okay, well, no.
There's nothing else that I have to say.
I'm pretty sure that I'm the only one that Teddy's been touching, okay? Thanks, guys.
Great talk.
Okay, we got nothing out of that but a funny story.
Plane's broken.
We can't take off.
They said it's gonna be a week until they get the part.
Jesus Christ, the Chinese can 3-D print - a hundred houses in that time.
- Fuck! Why isn't there a backup plane for the backup plane, Mike? We need to get on the press plane.
The press hates us, especially you.
- They can't stand you.
- We have booze, Gary.
And they have a crippling dependency.
- What, is this gonna work? - In a dry country, the man with all the booze holds the cards.
Yeah? Ma'am, you actually do have a phone call.
- Oh.
- It's Kent and Bill on speaker.
Hey, guys, what's up? Ma'am, we're worried that Doyle knows about the polling.
- What polling? - Kent.
I thought it might be useful to see how Doyle is performing as veep.
I specifically promised Doyle that I would not do that, Kent.
I apologize.
But it did throw up some very interesting results.
But I will run those by you at a less angry time.
We have what we think is a very smart plan of action.
- It's brilliant.
- Quite brilliant.
We tell Doyle that your campaign used stolen data to target bereaved parents.
Why in the name of pixelated fuck would you do that? My God! And can you please use code when we're talking about this? Use the word, I don't know, cupcake instead of data and use happy instead of bereaved or something.
It binds him to us.
Infects him.
And elements of his office were cc'd on e-mails mentioning the breach.
Exactly, he will be as involved as the rest of us in targeting happy parents after stealing cupcakes about their dead children.
Fine.
Inject him with the happy cupcake virus, all right? I hope he swells up and dies.
That's not code, by the way.
Wow.
Ben, why don't I know what's going on here? - I don't know.
- I'm supposed to have my finger on the button.
But for all I know, it's been rewired and I'm just operating some sort of light in a closet somewhere.
And what are we gonna do about Leon? I'm gonna treat him like my own brother, ahem, who I had murdered back in '86.
The president is charming the Middle East.
But apparently her own VP is unhappy with her? Not true.
And we're discussing rumors? Is this a news channel or a dorm room? You could say that the president's Iran visit puts a delicious glacé cherry on the cake of Selina Meyer's tour.
Well, welcome back from the wasteland.
Here's to us.
To a job well done on your part.
- You were great.
- Yeah, I know.
You know, we could still be great.
We could? Oh, yeah.
- Can I ask you something? - Uh-oh.
Am I that transparent? Really? Dan, you kind of are.
Well, Amy, I would love it if you would give me access to the White House.
Oh.
What? You think I was gonna ask you something else? - No.
- Okay.
- Yeah? - Amy, bad news.
Ericsson told Doyle that the campaign used dead kids' data to target recently bereaved parents.
God, that is some elaborate self-sabotage right there.
That is Cirque du Soleil suicide bombing.
Go back in time and stop that from happening.
You okay? I feel like I'm on a life-support machine and they keep pulling the plug to charge their phones.
- Tequila? - Yeah.
- My God, this is so scary.
- Quiet down, Gary.
- It's just really scary.
- Hurry up and be quiet - Oh, my God.
- Oh, you're kidding.
- Jesus.
Oh, my God.
- Pick them up! I don't want to go to jail over here.
We've got about 10 seconds to drink everything and then eat the bottles.
You wanted to see me, ma'am? Oh, did I wake you up? Um, no.
Come in.
Come in, come in.
You don't look good, man.
You look like the cabin depressurized and you fell into a coma or something.
- No, I'm I'm fine.
- Sit.
Sit.
So what's up, ma'am? I'm not in control, Ben.
I'm really not.
- Well, we have pilots for that.
- You know what I mean.
Leon, Kent's polling, dead kids baked in the cupcakes.
So all of this has confirmed for me that I made the right decision when I decided to bring in somebody else.
That's great.
More minds the merrier.
That's a saying, I think.
No, I don't think it is.
Her name is Karen Collins.
Okay? You might remember her from my old lawyering days.
- No.
- I mean, seriously, Ben, she's everything that I'm missing.
She's smart, she's capable, she's organized.
She sounds like the complete package.
Oh, no, no.
But, I mean, you know, don't misunderstand me.
Because, I mean, obviously I so respect you, Ben, and I think you're incredibly capable.
And I also think that you Ben? I need to see the president for a debrief and a prebrief.
Back off, Cary Grant, okay? Vice president is first up.
- No - I need to tell my mom that I got engaged.
- Oh, also I got engaged.
- Yeah, so did I.
To her.
That's obvious.
Okay, congrats.
And listen listen up.
The first thing that's gonna happen once the president lands is a debrief and then we're Why does it feel like nobody is listening to me? This is tough for you, huh? Looks like someone needs to learn some management skills.
I'm sorry, who the fuck are you? Oh, I'm Karen Collins, the president's new senior advisor.
My specialty Common sense.
I need to talk to my mom.
Oh, my God, Catherine, look at you.
Do you remember me? Of course.
Yeah.
I really need to talk to my mom.
Oh, let's handle it, then.
Dive in.
Let's dive in.
Um, so I obviously knew about this Karen.
Were you told? Senior advisor, yes.
- Oh, sure.
Of course.
- Yeah.
- Amy, hey.
- Yeah, what? Um, we have Leon West's mom, and she just looks, um just very terrible.
I talk to this Talk to Karen.
Um, her specialty is common sense.
That's right.
Good memory.
- I'm Jonah Ryan.
- Pleasure to meet you.
I'm Karen.
Sue, if anybody asks for me, I've gone outside to scream into the night.
Okay.
Have one for me, too.
Did you rest? I slept like a drugged log.
Good.
How do I look? Very tired.
You know, Gary usually sugarcoats that.
Tired? God.
Did my eye just twitch? No.
Hey, Catherine, about earlier.
- The molesting.
- What? Hmm? Wait, what? Hey, look, there's your mom.
This isn't just about me.
This is about the strength of these two beautiful people.
I am most humbled to have played my small part in human history.
I'm not gonna make it to the cottage, Wendy.
I'm in Iran.
Turns out you can't buy a boarding pass with tiny bottles of Jack Daniels.
- Wow, that was great.
- Wasn't it? - A lot of people need to talk to you.
- Okay, that's fine.
- Mom.
- Catherine! - We're engaged.
- No, you're not.
- Yes, we are.
- But we are.
I'm 48.
Put your hand down.
- Well, it's nice to have you back, ma'am.
- Yeah.
- And so - Karen! - I'm here.
- I'm gonna give you a hug.
All right.
Great to see you.
I'm so glad to see you.
- You guys met? - Yes.
- Great.
Great.
- Besties.
Let's get off the tarmac.
I'm not snacking.
I'm on my diet.
It's a celery stick.
All right, it's a cookie.
I've had dates every day.
You know dates are a dessert?