Will and Grace s04e04 Episode Script
Prison Blues
Morning, camper Everybody ready to go on a little day trip? I brought my fanny pack which I will hold as a clutch So as not to obscure My dynamite fanny Jack, we're going to visit Stanley Walker in prison We're not going to Swishy Pete's Camp for Feminine Boys Do not lecture me I have a lot more experience in this area than you do Jack, do I have to explain to you again the actual meaning of the phrase "penal system"? I'm not going! I'm too scared to visit a prison! Oh, my god Look at me! I'm wearing a scarf to go to prison I might as well be wearing a big sign that says "strangle me"! Name, please? Karen Walker I'm Stanley Walker's wife Excuse me? I'm his bitch! Ok? Is that what you want to hear? I'm Stanley Walker's bitch! And I'm his one and only just in case you pervs get any ideas during those lonely nights at lockdown Ma'am I just couldn't hear what you said I'm Karen Walker Oh, my god I have that same gun Next Hi.
Grace Adler What I'm wearing isn't too revealing,is it? The men are locked up I don't want to drive them into a state of sexual frenzy I wouldn't worry about it Oh, like you're so hot? Hi.
I just want to let you know that I have seen the documentary "Scared Straight" 17 times Never took Please, forgive my friends They're just, uh They're idiots Ok, only two visitors at a time Please let the ladies through My husband is in prison It's gonna be ok I just want you to know that I am here for you.
Ok? - I'm strong - Ok I'm gonna be your rock, ok? Everything's gonna be all right Don't stand too close to the glass, Clarice Don't joke like that! You promised you were never gonna do that! I lied Excuse me I saw you come in with Karen Walker Are you a friend of the family? I'm Mr.
Walker's attorney Who are you? It's the attorney! Get set up, guys Oh, no.
Listen I'm--not prepared to make a statement It's just a few easy questions, Mr Uh, Tr-Truman Will Truman But I'm not really comfortable with.
.
Roll camera In three, two This is Anthony Dukane with Channel Three News I'm standing here with Will Truman the attorney for Stanley Walker Mr.
Truman do you think your client was treated more or less fairly because of his wealth and status? Uh The--the status of Mr.
Whacker-- Wicker-- Wexler-- - Walker - Walker.
Thank you Uh Oy, boy The answer to your question is--is Mr.
Guilter's walk Mr.
Guilter's alleged walk-- Wait What--What I'm trying to say is--is that, yes, he's rich He's very rich But that doesn't mean he's--he's poor Ok, that's it Nice job Uhwhat did I just say? Oh, God Àª & ±×·¹À̽º ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 Ŭ·´ Will & Grace ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Will & Grace Season 4 So you gonna be ok? Yeah It's just kind of weird coming home to a big empty house I know You and 35 servants So I guess I'll see you tomorrow? Yeah.
I guess you will Want to stay over? Did-- Did you say something? Well I-- I didn't say anything Oh 'Cause-- I thought you asked me to stay over Me? You? (No) Karen, do you do you want me to stay? I don't know, Grace If you want to stay I'm not gonna stop you (What is your problem?) Look, Karen, if--if you want me to stay all you have to do is ask Listen, if I wanted you to stay I would ask you to stay - Please stay - Stop doing that! What do you-- What do you want? I don't want anything, honey but apparently, you're just dying to spend the night over here, so Yeah, come on in! Try to keep your feet off the furniture! Yes, he's rich.
He's very rich But that-- That doesn't mean he's-- He's poor That's good That's good stuff Good stuff Hey, Jack what are you watching? Just some classic bloopers Oh, yeah? Well, shove over I could use a little cheering up Sure You are such a jerk you know that? What, have you been sitting her by yourself laughing at me? No! Toby and Josh were here but you ran out of wine Stop it.
It's not funny, ok? It's humiliating You know, I freeze up in front of a camera I always have It's a big problem, you know? On my grandparents' I blanked on their names Well, what were their names? Grandma and Grandpa - I'm such a loser - Hey Don't be so hard on yourself Why, I once knew a man people thought was a loser Do you want to know what happened to him? He went on to invent hand sneakers Hand sneakers? Yeah.
You know so when you do cartwheels your hands don't get dirty Couldn't you just wear gloves? Damn it, I should have invented gloves! I'm not answering that Who can it be calling on our phone? Just leave your name - 'cause we're not at home - Who can it be now? Who can it? Who can it? How did she talk me into doing that? Hi, Mr.
Truman Tony Dukane from Channel Three I was wondering if you were available for a follow-up interview Let me take care of this Hi, Mr.
Dukane Uh-huh You want him to do another interview? - He'll do it - Jack! Can you hold just for one second? Give me the phone! - You wouldn't dare! - Oh, wouldn't I? I will reach in there myself and get it - No, you won't - No, I won't but I will slap you like a girl Get away! Get away! Stop! Get away! Can't you see I'm here to help you? - How? - This is a big opportunity A very big opportunity To do what, humiliate myself on television again? No.
To redeem yourself This time, when you go on camera you're gonna be great and do you know why? Because you're coming with me to my on-camera acting class What, do moronic ideas get a fanfare now? Look, my problem is speaking in front of a camera So how could I possibly be helped by some class that teaches speaking in front of a camera? I'll do it He's still on hold Well, could you take him off? Ok Oh, my god That was, like the best night of sleep I think I've ever had in my life Well, it should have been, honey You're sleeping on a $5,000 mattress with $5,000 sheets and the indentation of a 5,000-pound man Hey listen thanks for staying over last night It really helped I'm glad I could be here You know, at one point during the night I looked over at you while you were asleep You looked so innocent and peaceful Kind of freaked me out God, I love this nightgown It's just so roomy Honey, that's not a nightgown That's one of Stan's fitted T`s No, no That's ok.
Oh, my god.
look at the time I gotta get going Honey, are you sure you don't want to at least stay for breakfast? No, it's ok I'll just grab some Oreos out of the bowl at my bank Oh, wow I love that color What is it? Grace.
There's no color They just cleaned off your toes Still, it's nice Miss Karen time to get up Hey.
How about bringing the volume down to foghorn level? Up yours Count Drunkula Oh, come on, honey stick around It's fun here I wish I could I just that I've got to clean my apartment I've got to pick up my dry cleaning For breakfast this morning we're serving French toast The masseur comes at 2:00 And the movie in the media room this afternoon is soft-core porn for women Maybe I should stay a little longer Well, here we are the actors' gymnatorium Where we tone and strengthen the hams and pecs of our craft - Ok, good-bye - Hey, come on, come on Give it a try Zandra is like a god in the acting community Who's Sondra? It is Zandra with a "Z," not Sondra with an "S," 'cause Sondra with an "S" goes "sss" not "zzz.
" A student once made the mistake of calling her Sondra and she threw a lit cigarette at him Don't you mean Zigarette? Look, kiddies, I'm being pummeled by my allergies, my back is in knots and I`ve got an underwire sticking right here in my left one So I am in no mood for B.
S.
Ronnie, light me, please Now Let's see Just one general note here "Your scenes last week horse crap.
" So we're gonna have to go back to the basics In this exercise I want you to apologize- Apologize to someone that you've wronged And I don't want to catch anybody "acting.
" Ok? I just want to catch the truth Now you, Summers, you're up Mom I'm not quite sure how to say this but I'm sorry Oh, God, I'm sorry! Is she ok? Ok? She's having a breakthrough It's what we all strive for Look at her.
No inhibitions Raw, naked, open I never want to hear those words come out of your mouth again Ok, young lady That's nice work Thanks, Zandra It felt really good McFarland, you're up Try not to fall in love with me during this exercise I'll be very exposed Someone I've wronged Ok, I got it I'm sorry I'm really sorry I'mreally, really sorry I didn't mean to do it so Sorry What is that? - M-my apology - To who? - My father? - I don't buy it Ok, it--it-- It wasn't my father It was somebody else that I really wronged I don't believe you Ok, I wasn't thinking about anybody Well, what were you thinking about? Food - What kind? - An egg salad sandwich - You liar! - Ok, it was tuna! Poor guy He's not very in touch with his instrument Oh, but he is He can even dial a phone with it honey, you scared me I thought you were my clone but none of them survived Hey, Kar Hey, aren't you supposed to be at work, 'cause I know I am Oh, how am I supposed to leave you? I mean, look at you You're a wreck Oh, well, actually, honey I'm feeling much better Yeah, I just talked to Stan He had a good day in prison today He and a convicted junk bond trader smuggled a glazed ham out of the kitchen So, honey, if you want to leave I know you've got things to do I mean, there's fashion mistakes to be made andit's probably happy hour at some gay bar Oh, and also You know what? I'm not gonna leave you Not this apartment or this tub until I know that you are totally whole But.
Not another word You know what? I'm getting a little chill so could you close the door, please? From the other side How sorry am I? "S" is for how very sad you make me feel "O" is for, oh how very bad you make me feel "R" is for how wrong you make me feel And the other "R" is for how rotten you are Get off Get off the stage! I don't want to even look at you anymore Sorry, Zandra I don't even believe that Ok, new person you're up Oh, I'm just observing Life isn't there for us to observe It's there for us to live - Oh, really, I-Oh, but - Up! The thing is, when there's a camera on me I just get-- Oy, boy Uh, I--I can't Do it now Go Hi I haven't done a lot of acting before Actually, that's not true I--I-- For 19 years I played the role of a heterosexual My guess is not very convincingly Now apologize to someone you've wronged Ok, let's see uh I'm sorry Someone that you've treated unfairly Just think about the pain you've caused and tell that person you're sorry I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I've been so hard on you I'm sorry I expect so much from you Who are you talking to? Myself It's just that I make you feel that you have to be so perfect for everybody else I set you up for failure No wonder you're afraid Please forgive me, I beg of you please, forgive me.
I love you I love you Will Truman, I love you! I want to work with you privately I don't know what to do I mean, Grace is my friend and it's not that I don't appreciate what she's done but enough is enough I know, mommy She's driving me up a wall She sleeps late She's insulting to the staff She's turning into one of those mean abusive rich people She should be punched in the neck hey That's not very lady-like - With an open fist - There's my girl What are we gonna do? Wait a minute I've got an idea We'll come up with a big fancy plan with lots of twists and turns to make her understand what she's done I'll hide somewhere and you'll wear big shoes Or we could go simpler Thanks, honey! You're a good friend! "And I have to believe if there's any justice in this world "Stanley Walker will soon be a free man.
" I'm so real "Stanley Walker will soon be a free man.
" Every time I watch it I find a new layer - Wanna watch it again? - No.
Turn it off - Hand me that blanket - You get it You know, if we were at Karen's right now there would be somebody to do this for me This place is a dump.
Grace Adler What I'm wearing isn't too revealing,is it? The men are locked up I don't want to drive them into a state of sexual frenzy I wouldn't worry about it Oh, like you're so hot? Hi.
I just want to let you know that I have seen the documentary "Scared Straight" 17 times Never took Please, forgive my friends They're just, uh They're idiots Ok, only two visitors at a time Please let the ladies through My husband is in prison It's gonna be ok I just want you to know that I am here for you.
Ok? - I'm strong - Ok I'm gonna be your rock, ok? Everything's gonna be all right Don't stand too close to the glass, Clarice Don't joke like that! You promised you were never gonna do that! I lied Excuse me I saw you come in with Karen Walker Are you a friend of the family? I'm Mr.
Walker's attorney Who are you? It's the attorney! Get set up, guys Oh, no.
Listen I'm--not prepared to make a statement It's just a few easy questions, Mr Uh, Tr-Truman Will Truman But I'm not really comfortable with.
.
Roll camera In three, two This is Anthony Dukane with Channel Three News I'm standing here with Will Truman the attorney for Stanley Walker Mr.
Truman do you think your client was treated more or less fairly because of his wealth and status? Uh The--the status of Mr.
Whacker-- Wicker-- Wexler-- - Walker - Walker.
Thank you Uh Oy, boy The answer to your question is--is Mr.
Guilter's walk Mr.
Guilter's alleged walk-- Wait What--What I'm trying to say is--is that, yes, he's rich He's very rich But that doesn't mean he's--he's poor Ok, that's it Nice job Uhwhat did I just say? Oh, God Àª & ±×·¹À̽º ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 Ŭ·´ Will & Grace ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Will & Grace Season 4 So you gonna be ok? Yeah It's just kind of weird coming home to a big empty house I know You and 35 servants So I guess I'll see you tomorrow? Yeah.
I guess you will Want to stay over? Did-- Did you say something? Well I-- I didn't say anything Oh 'Cause-- I thought you asked me to stay over Me? You? (No) Karen, do you do you want me to stay? I don't know, Grace If you want to stay I'm not gonna stop you (What is your problem?) Look, Karen, if--if you want me to stay all you have to do is ask Listen, if I wanted you to stay I would ask you to stay - Please stay - Stop doing that! What do you-- What do you want? I don't want anything, honey but apparently, you're just dying to spend the night over here, so Yeah, come on in! Try to keep your feet off the furniture! Yes, he's rich.
He's very rich But that-- That doesn't mean he's-- He's poor That's good That's good stuff Good stuff Hey, Jack what are you watching? Just some classic bloopers Oh, yeah? Well, shove over I could use a little cheering up Sure You are such a jerk you know that? What, have you been sitting her by yourself laughing at me? No! Toby and Josh were here but you ran out of wine Stop it.
It's not funny, ok? It's humiliating You know, I freeze up in front of a camera I always have It's a big problem, you know? On my grandparents' I blanked on their names Well, what were their names? Grandma and Grandpa - I'm such a loser - Hey Don't be so hard on yourself Why, I once knew a man people thought was a loser Do you want to know what happened to him? He went on to invent hand sneakers Hand sneakers? Yeah.
You know so when you do cartwheels your hands don't get dirty Couldn't you just wear gloves? Damn it, I should have invented gloves! I'm not answering that Who can it be calling on our phone? Just leave your name - 'cause we're not at home - Who can it be now? Who can it? Who can it? How did she talk me into doing that? Hi, Mr.
Truman Tony Dukane from Channel Three I was wondering if you were available for a follow-up interview Let me take care of this Hi, Mr.
Dukane Uh-huh You want him to do another interview? - He'll do it - Jack! Can you hold just for one second? Give me the phone! - You wouldn't dare! - Oh, wouldn't I? I will reach in there myself and get it - No, you won't - No, I won't but I will slap you like a girl Get away! Get away! Stop! Get away! Can't you see I'm here to help you? - How? - This is a big opportunity A very big opportunity To do what, humiliate myself on television again? No.
To redeem yourself This time, when you go on camera you're gonna be great and do you know why? Because you're coming with me to my on-camera acting class What, do moronic ideas get a fanfare now? Look, my problem is speaking in front of a camera So how could I possibly be helped by some class that teaches speaking in front of a camera? I'll do it He's still on hold Well, could you take him off? Ok Oh, my god That was, like the best night of sleep I think I've ever had in my life Well, it should have been, honey You're sleeping on a $5,000 mattress with $5,000 sheets and the indentation of a 5,000-pound man Hey listen thanks for staying over last night It really helped I'm glad I could be here You know, at one point during the night I looked over at you while you were asleep You looked so innocent and peaceful Kind of freaked me out God, I love this nightgown It's just so roomy Honey, that's not a nightgown That's one of Stan's fitted T`s No, no That's ok.
Oh, my god.
look at the time I gotta get going Honey, are you sure you don't want to at least stay for breakfast? No, it's ok I'll just grab some Oreos out of the bowl at my bank Oh, wow I love that color What is it? Grace.
There's no color They just cleaned off your toes Still, it's nice Miss Karen time to get up Hey.
How about bringing the volume down to foghorn level? Up yours Count Drunkula Oh, come on, honey stick around It's fun here I wish I could I just that I've got to clean my apartment I've got to pick up my dry cleaning For breakfast this morning we're serving French toast The masseur comes at 2:00 And the movie in the media room this afternoon is soft-core porn for women Maybe I should stay a little longer Well, here we are the actors' gymnatorium Where we tone and strengthen the hams and pecs of our craft - Ok, good-bye - Hey, come on, come on Give it a try Zandra is like a god in the acting community Who's Sondra? It is Zandra with a "Z," not Sondra with an "S," 'cause Sondra with an "S" goes "sss" not "zzz.
" A student once made the mistake of calling her Sondra and she threw a lit cigarette at him Don't you mean Zigarette? Look, kiddies, I'm being pummeled by my allergies, my back is in knots and I`ve got an underwire sticking right here in my left one So I am in no mood for B.
S.
Ronnie, light me, please Now Let's see Just one general note here "Your scenes last week horse crap.
" So we're gonna have to go back to the basics In this exercise I want you to apologize- Apologize to someone that you've wronged And I don't want to catch anybody "acting.
" Ok? I just want to catch the truth Now you, Summers, you're up Mom I'm not quite sure how to say this but I'm sorry Oh, God, I'm sorry! Is she ok? Ok? She's having a breakthrough It's what we all strive for Look at her.
No inhibitions Raw, naked, open I never want to hear those words come out of your mouth again Ok, young lady That's nice work Thanks, Zandra It felt really good McFarland, you're up Try not to fall in love with me during this exercise I'll be very exposed Someone I've wronged Ok, I got it I'm sorry I'm really sorry I'mreally, really sorry I didn't mean to do it so Sorry What is that? - M-my apology - To who? - My father? - I don't buy it Ok, it--it-- It wasn't my father It was somebody else that I really wronged I don't believe you Ok, I wasn't thinking about anybody Well, what were you thinking about? Food - What kind? - An egg salad sandwich - You liar! - Ok, it was tuna! Poor guy He's not very in touch with his instrument Oh, but he is He can even dial a phone with it honey, you scared me I thought you were my clone but none of them survived Hey, Kar Hey, aren't you supposed to be at work, 'cause I know I am Oh, how am I supposed to leave you? I mean, look at you You're a wreck Oh, well, actually, honey I'm feeling much better Yeah, I just talked to Stan He had a good day in prison today He and a convicted junk bond trader smuggled a glazed ham out of the kitchen So, honey, if you want to leave I know you've got things to do I mean, there's fashion mistakes to be made andit's probably happy hour at some gay bar Oh, and also You know what? I'm not gonna leave you Not this apartment or this tub until I know that you are totally whole But.
Not another word You know what? I'm getting a little chill so could you close the door, please? From the other side How sorry am I? "S" is for how very sad you make me feel "O" is for, oh how very bad you make me feel "R" is for how wrong you make me feel And the other "R" is for how rotten you are Get off Get off the stage! I don't want to even look at you anymore Sorry, Zandra I don't even believe that Ok, new person you're up Oh, I'm just observing Life isn't there for us to observe It's there for us to live - Oh, really, I-Oh, but - Up! The thing is, when there's a camera on me I just get-- Oy, boy Uh, I--I can't Do it now Go Hi I haven't done a lot of acting before Actually, that's not true I--I-- For 19 years I played the role of a heterosexual My guess is not very convincingly Now apologize to someone you've wronged Ok, let's see uh I'm sorry Someone that you've treated unfairly Just think about the pain you've caused and tell that person you're sorry I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I've been so hard on you I'm sorry I expect so much from you Who are you talking to? Myself It's just that I make you feel that you have to be so perfect for everybody else I set you up for failure No wonder you're afraid Please forgive me, I beg of you please, forgive me.
I love you I love you Will Truman, I love you! I want to work with you privately I don't know what to do I mean, Grace is my friend and it's not that I don't appreciate what she's done but enough is enough I know, mommy She's driving me up a wall She sleeps late She's insulting to the staff She's turning into one of those mean abusive rich people She should be punched in the neck hey That's not very lady-like - With an open fist - There's my girl What are we gonna do? Wait a minute I've got an idea We'll come up with a big fancy plan with lots of twists and turns to make her understand what she's done I'll hide somewhere and you'll wear big shoes Or we could go simpler Thanks, honey! You're a good friend! "And I have to believe if there's any justice in this world "Stanley Walker will soon be a free man.
" I'm so real "Stanley Walker will soon be a free man.
" Every time I watch it I find a new layer - Wanna watch it again? - No.
Turn it off - Hand me that blanket - You get it You know, if we were at Karen's right now there would be somebody to do this for me This place is a dump.