Wizards of Waverly Place s04e04 Episode Script

Hi, guys.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Hey, it's the happy couple who, instead of breaking up, became "just friends.
" How's that working out for ya? Great.
And Harper's helping, too.
She sat between us at the movies today so we weren't tempted to hold hands.
- Thank you, friend wall.
- Friend wall? That's why you put me in the middle? I thought you guys were fighting over who got to sit next to me.
Well, I still took both arm rests, so who's laughing now? Plus, being just friends means I don't have to worry about my breath smelling like popcorn, hot sauce, and pickle juice.
You never worried about that before.
I know.
I was a real catch, wasn't I? I know you gave up the wizard competition, and now you can't be with Mason because werewolves and mortals can't be together, but Oh, my gosh, I'm the mom of a horror film! Unfortunately, this movie's not over in two hours.
It just keeps going and going and going Don't listen to them, Mason.
I'm really proud of us for making this work.
And nothing anybody can do or say will get in the way of our friendship.
Yo, Russo! I'm back.
Wanna smooch? Everything is not what it seems Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze That the end will no doubt justify the means You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease Yes, please But you might find out it'll go to your head When you write a report on a book you never read With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed That's what I said Everything is not what it seems When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams You might run into trouble if you go to extremes Because everything is not what it seems Be careful not to mess with the balance of things Because everything is not What it seems Dean.
You're back.
I thought you moved to Ohio.
I moved back to work for my Uncle, the plumber.
Or maybe even my other Uncle, the plumber.
And maybe even my aunt.
Gueus what she does.
Based on your shirt that says "Uncles and Aunt Plumbing," I'm gonna go with plumber.
Hey, hey, look who's showing off with the reading.
I'm Dean.
Um, this is Mason, my friend, who's a boy, but not my boyfriend anymore.
But it's going great.
Sounds complicated.
Maybe what's her face can explain it to me.
I really can't.
And even if I could, I wouldn't, because you refuse to learn my name.
It's Harper.
So Russo, um I'm thinking you and I should get back together.
Yeah, um We need to talk.
Just be right back.
One sec.
Mason.
What's going on? That's Dean Moriarty.
Oh, nothing much.
He sauntered in, requested to smooch with Alex, and then suggested they get back together.
That's gutsy.
That's Dean Moriarty.
It's all right.
Alex and I are just friends.
Best friends.
Nothing is ever gonna change that.
Dean, it's really good to see you, but I'm kind of in the friend zone with Mason, so I'm not really into dating right now, but thanks for coming by and saying hi.
Aw, look, now she's all over him.
That's Dean Moriarty.
I'm sure she's just brushing away his filthy dandruff.
He doesn't look clean.
Dude, you rolled around on a dead squirrel the other day.
All right, class, let's welcome our new student, Tyler.
What, no applause? Hey, I got kicked out of Wiztech.
Everyone here's been kicked out of Wiztech.
But we can all get back in if we do well in my class.
So let's learn the "Up and Atom" spell.
How about the "Kick Back and Chill" spell instead? It goes like this.
Abra-cadabra.
Mr.
Justin, I know I'm late, but I have an excuse.
I got called to Wiztech to get this note for you.
So really, you're the one who made me late.
What's your excuse to me? Please have a seat next to our new student, and hand me the note.
Sure.
"Dear Mr.
Russo, thanks to you," Felix is showing great progress.
Yesterday, he was even seen "correcting the spelling on graffiti.
" There's no "Z" in "loser," losers.
"We commend you," as this will raise your standings "in your family wizard competition.
" Yes! I am gonna get back into things.
- Who's he talking to? - We never know.
"Of course, to further advance, you must turn around" the rest of your class.
P.
S.
We've read your memos "and ask that you stop calling them 'idiot delinquents.
'" Can you believe Dean wants to get back together? We broke up a year ago, which is like seven years for you 'cause you live in dog years.
Yeah, I know.
As if you'd ever get back with someone who said, "Yo, Russo.
" Mason.
Rose petals? What did you do? We're supposed to be friends.
Those aren't from me.
But I have my suspicions.
Hey, yo, Russo.
You like my flowers? Suspicions confirmed.
Dean, what is this? You, uh, remember our second favorite activity? Let me guess, the first was smooching? No, it was working on my dad's car in the basement.
Which, now that I think about it, often led to smooching.
So what do ya say? You wanna throw a few? I'm sure London Bridges doesn't mind, right? No, by all means.
We're all friends here.
I insist.
Ten? You lost your touch, Russo.
No, I haven't.
Give me another one of those.
I'm about to beat your high score.
Whoo! There's the Russo I know.
Bring it on.
Yes! Hey, I'll just be over here watching you two hit it off.
Can you see me? Yeah, we see you, Mr.
Justin.
You're all little and dainty.
Good job on the spell, Felix.
Now, you're gonna need to use the reverse "Up and Atom" spell to make me big again.
What's up, idiot delinquents? That's what my brother calls you, not me.
Ah, what's in the microscope? Ah, the old "Up and Atom" spell.
That's a good one.
Is that Max Russo, the future family wizard? - Yeah, he's good.
- No, he's not! You need to stop saying he's gonna be the family wizard.
Max, get me out of here.
Hey, hey, careful! The glass is slippery.
Proton, neutron, back to one.
Thank you.
How are you guys ever gonna learn spells if you don't stop messing around? Don't you want to get back into WizTech? I know I want to get back into my family's wizard competition.
So, if you'd just do a couple things for me, concentrate, and listen to what I say, we will be one step closer to never, ever having to see each other, ever again! I don't know why I came in here, but after that show, I'm glad I did.
I think you're right, Max.
Alex still has feelings for Dean.
I'm sorry, buddy.
If it makes you feel any better, I think he has feelings for her, too.
What are we doing? Nine hundred and thirty points! Take a seat because I own this game.
I'm gonngo get us some refreshments.
Then, it's a rematch.
Fine.
Oh, my goodness! What is this, skeeball? Can we play? No.
Dean pushed it 25 blocks so the two of us could play together.
That question was just a courtesy, sweetie.
We're your parents.
We can do whatever we want.
Here, Harper.
Hold this.
OK, loser puts the groceries away.
Wait, I have to pay and carry 'em? So, what does Mason think about all this? Mason? Oh, he's He's fine with it.
Friends don't mind when friends play skeeball in the middle of the street.
What was that? I think it was lightning.
What was that growl, and flash, and why are you a werewolf? Alex, the coolest thing just happened.
I mean, I think it's cool, but you might not.
Mason? I ate Dean.
Mason, you can't just go around eating people! This isn't This isn't What place am I trying to think of, Harper? No place! There's no place where you can just go around eating people! - I'm sorry.
- You're sorry?! How could you do this? Well, it was easy because His hair was greasy, and then he kinda got stuck at the shoulders.
Yeah, then this guy started choking, so I just shrunk Dean down and made him easier to eat.
Alex, I'm sorry.
I saw how well you were getting along with Dean, and I guess I got a little jealous.
That doesn't mean you can eat him! Justin! Justin, we need your help.
Mason ate Dean.
Not now, Alex.
I'm trying to get through to my class.
He ate Dean!? The hairy guy ate somebody? Yeah, he's a werewolf.
- Nice! - Justin, please, we need to figure out a way to get Dean out of Mason.
Let's cut him open.
Let's not cut him open.
He's a very nice guy.
Nice guy? You ate somebody! Dudes, let's all shrink down with that "Up and Atom" spell, go inside him, and then bounce around in his stomach until he barfs up Dean.
OK, next.
No, no, wait, Tyler might be onto something here.
Sweet.
Yes, Alex, Max and I will shrink down and go in Mason's stomach.
We're gonna need some sort of Some sort of fully-functional, miniature submarine.
I know where we can get one.
No! Not my Captain Jim Bob Sherwood.
Fully-Functional Country Cow Submarine.
If I open it, it'll be worth nothing.
- Justin.
- No.
Going inside Mason's body would be the greatest adventure anyone could ever have.
Jim Bob would jump at the chance.
You are right.
This is a Captain Jim Bob job.
Oh! Ooh! Smells new.
I still don't understand why a submarine crew has to dress like cows.
Cows? I thought we were dalmatians.
Now it's just weird.
Country Cow Submarine.
What a crew.
OK, I've turned the Abracadoodler into a submarine tracking sonar scope.
Oh, perfect.
I can't wait to not know what to use this for.
This is where you're going to track where we are in Mason's body.
Then you're gonna tell us where we are.
OK, class I believe in you.
You're going to combine your powers, cast the spell, and then shrink us down into the submarine.
Mason.
Then you are going to swallow us.
You're gonna swallow us.
You are not going to chew us.
Got it.
Make me proud, you guys.
This is a A really big moment.
So, should I not return, I want you to remember me as someone who was very strong, yet relatably soft.
OK, just, please, please, please.
Just do the spell so we can save Dean.
Proton, neutron, get gone.
- Yes! - Whoa! We got the spell right! What do we do next? I don't know, I'm still trying to figure all this stuff out.
I know.
I swallow it.
Now this is a really big moment.
And if anything happens to me after I Just swallow it! I see 'em! They're in.
Yes! It's working! Can you guys hear me? Yes, Mother Hen.
We're in his throat, passing his uvula.
Out.
Mother Hen? That's her call sign name.
No questioning the Captain.
Darn, I should have worn my hen hat.
Mother Hen, please get a dictionary and look up the word "uvula.
" Over.
Oh, no, the alarm! - Something's wrong.
- Do what I do.
Hit the snooze! Hit the snooze! OK, all right.
Somehow you got off course, and you're going towards his head.
Hey, Captain, is anybody steering this thing? Hit the reverse thrusters! Got it.
You hit the windshield wiper.
Then I don't know what the reverse thrusters are.
We're in his brain.
Mother Hen, Mother Hen, this is Bravo Johnny.
We need to figure out a way out of his brain, and back down to his stomach now.
Oh, I know which way to go.
The stomach bone's connected to the Oh, what's the stomach bone connected to? Wait, wait, wait.
What was that? Those are all images of what he's thinking about.
My gosh, really? They're all of me.
Oh, I should really wear that top more often.
That's cute.
Mason is so sweet.
He's always thinking about me.
OK, it looks like you guys got out.
Make a left.
- No, a right.
- Go up.
Hey, hey, I'm the Mother Hen here.
Back off! All right, there's a vein that will take you to his heart.
Then you can transfer to a big artery in his stomach.
Got it.
Max, stop turning on the windshield wipers! Not again.
We're passing through his heart! I can't hear you! We're passing through his heart! Can you stop yelling? I'm trying to listen to the drumbeat! Oh, my We made it.
We're in his stomach.
There it is.
There's Dean! OK, let's maneuver the sub carefully over to him.
- Got it.
- Come on, Max! Wait a minute.
It's actually working.
We're getting closer to him.
See? I know what I'm doing even when I don't know what I'm doing.
Easy easy Stop.
Open the transfer tube, I'll pull him in.
OK, he's out cold, but he's still breathing.
And that's how you do a Captain Jim Bob job.
What is he covered in? Tastes like oatmeal.
Yeah, Mason and I had that for breakfast.
Here, open the hatch.
I wanna go diving for raisins.
Those aren't raisins, bro.
Harper, get us out of here before Dean wakes up.
OK, friendly reminder, I still don't know what I'm doing.
Just tell Mason to burp, and tell Felix to catch whatever comes out.
Man! So lucky.
Cool! I think one of these burp pieces is them.
OK, come on, class.
You know the spell to bring us back.
Come on, guys.
I know we can do this.
Ready? Proton, neutron, back to one.
You guys did it! You did the spell exactly how you were supposed to! That's right.
That's right, we did.
You just wiped burp all over me.
Yeah, kinda.
Alex, you made it back.
I was worried about you.
I know you were.
Uh-oh, it looks like Dean's coming to.
We gotta get him out of the lair.
Do I have time to make toast and scrape him clean? What happened? What are you guys wearing? And what am I covered in? Alex, you got this one, right? She lives for these moments.
Simon Says, follow them.
Um OK, well, you see Dean, you got knocked out by a flying bowl of oatmeal.
We called the doctor and he said the only way to wake you up was to dress up like cows.
- Really? That's your story? - Give it a minute.
That's a good doctor.
Look, Russo, I don't know how long I was out, but I'm still thinking about why I came here.
I want us to get back together.
I I know you do, Dean.
But I I can't.
- I have a boyfriend.
- You do? Yes.
You.
I thought you guys broke up.
Yes, we did.
But that was a mistake.
I was afraid of that.
Well, uh, sorry, London Bridges.
I'll get out of your way.
Alex, I want to be your boyfriend, but if you're gonna be mortal, we just have to stay friends.
I can't be just friends.
I think about you all the time.
I know that you think about me, too.
So, I'm not gonna be mortal.
What do you mean? I'm gonna get back in the wizard competition, and I'm gonna win.
For us.
Well, I'd say that's cause for celebration.
Yo, Russo.
Wanna smooch? Don't ever say that again.
Oh, yes.
That's all you got, woman? That's all I need, old man.
I'm only two months older than you.
Mom, Dad, I have some really exciting news.
I've decided to get back in the wizard competition.
It's in the drawer with the dead batteries.
A hundred, Jerry.
Are you even listening? I'm going to win the Wizard Competition so Mason and I can be together.
Yeah yeah yeah, great honey.
Here 20 dollars.
Take your own candy.
Woo Hoo 150 points, Theresa.
Let me try.
I'm eighteen today.
What? He said we're going to the movies.
Bye!