Five Bedrooms (2019) s04e05 Episode Script

1
Maybe you should move in here.
Your key's in the bowl
next to the front door.
You probably don't
remember that time
I almost had sex with that
real estate agent.
- Harry.
- Anton.
I'd like to do a biopsy,
if that's OK.
Yeah, absolutely.
Unless you're only doing it
so I'll keep my pants down.
I'm so sorry.
Des was like a father to me.
Des left Ainsley
all our savings.
- His savings.
- 750 K?
- Hey, hey, big boy.
- Well, hey, here she is.
Mel, this is my daughter, Mia.
Does mum know
you have a girlfriend?
Not Not my girlfriend.
If I was sleeping with someone,
I wouldn't be telling you.
(WHISPERS) Shit.
BEN: When I was a kid,
I thought by 40, life would be
pretty sleepy and predictable.
- Mmm?
- Happy birthday, big boy.
BEN: But it was
still surprising me,
pretty much daily.
- Got you something.
- Hey?
You didn't have to
give me anything.
Oh, fuck off. I did so.
BEN: Now, I didn't start
seeing Mel
with any expectations,
or the best intentions.
Look, if you don't want it,
just tell me, 'cause I do.
No
BEN: I never expected her to be
such a good mate.
- You did not.
- I know, right?
How'd you find this?
Did a shit-ton of Cash Online.
- And that's just part one.
- Mate, wh?
What's part two?
BEN: 16-year-old Benny
would have seen this as
the ultimate relationship.
(INAUDIBLE)
40-year-old Ben was wondering
if it was going to
go the distance.
She was so easy-going,
just ripper company,
and the best surprise
- (HORN TOOTS)
- MEL: Come on!
..was just how awesome
she was with Mia.
Turns out she was
the only one game enough
to get in the car with her.
Welcome to Mel's driving
school.
BEN: She never lost her temper
or made Mia feel judged.
Just don't yank it like
She actually made Mia feel
really good about herself.
Everything nice and slow.
Check this out.
Yes, I remember what I said
about got to be able to
pluck your eyebrows,
put your lip gloss on
and gloss either side.
It's like the Holy Grail.
(GIGGLES, STARTS ENGINE)
There we go.
OK, just
Just nice and easy.
Super gentle. Nice and easy
BEN: Mia's driving
wasn't getting any better,
but the more time
they spent together,
the more Mia seemed to
come out of her shell.
Whoo!
It's not rocket science.
All you need is 3-5 grand
on an open bar,
photo booth, ring light
a couple of strippers.
Uh, what's a ring light?
- Are you taking the piss?
- He's really not.
- (MURMURS) Simmo
- Yeah.
The thing is, Mel, we've got
some pretty strict traditions
for your milestone birthdays
for the boys.
Like what?
We like to get back to the
land, out in the wild.
It's a spiritual,
at-one-with-nature kind of
- Just say it.
- We camp.
We We just
We go camping.
- Yeah.
- (MEL SIGHS)
They just sit around and
pretend they're going to hike.
Is there anything I can do
to make you kibosh this?
- No.
- Fine.
I have to sit in a hole.
Uh Not if you can hold it
in.
OK.
(LAUGHS)
Mate, wow.
BEN: I'd never been with anyone
who was willing to
go camping with the boys.
Never?
- No, not ever.
- LIZ: Never.
Not even when you were
little tackers?
Not even then.
BEN: It was usually just
flat-out rejection.
We did stay in a little lodge
once, in the middle of nowhere.
- Did it have walls?
- Paper-thin.
Then you weren't camping.
I still hated it.
HEATHER: Oh, I believe you.
Don't look at me.
Mum never let me go camping
when I was at school,
and I don't see her
changing her mind now.
Honestly, I'm not sure
I'd want to be 2 hours away,
even if she did.
If I could think of
any way to avoid it, I would.
- But I will be there.
- One down.
They all fall like dominos now.
I didn't want to be
a prick about it, but
it is my 40th.
- OK, fine.
- Really?
Look, we'll come
for the shenanigans,
but we're not staying
overnight.
I reckon we can get it done
in three cars.
So, Heath, Liz, Hazza in one.
I'll head out with you two.
And then Mel's going to let
Mia drive her car.
Is Mel the best person to
supervise Mia on the road?
Yeah, totally.
They're getting on
like a house on fire,
catching up without me, even,
and, like, BFFs.
Even done
a couple of sleepovers.
A 30-something woman
and a teenager
are having sleepovers?
Well, when you say it like
that,
it sounds a bit weird,
but it's not.
- And Mia's fine with it?
- Yeah.
Yep. No, she's just excited to
see Mia come out of her shell.
(INDISTINC
CHATTER AND GIGGLING)
BEN: Actually, um, Mia's mum
had no idea about
the sleepovers at Mel's.
MEL: Just one time.
Three, two, one.
BEN: But I could see it
with my own eyes.
She was rubbing off on Mia,
in a good way.
(LAUGHS)
What are you two little
characters up to in here?
Stop distracting us.
Go away.
Three, two, one.
De, de, de, de-de, de, de.
And drive the car
and drink from the cup.
MANJU: One of the nurses
said I was an inspiration.
HARRY: Did she?
He also used the word 'miracle'
and suggested
they could study my recovery
for the benefit of all mankind.
Well, I hope you said yes.
No, I'm too modest.
I'll have a mineral water
with ice, please.
And a long black for me.
Thanks.
And get us the lunch menu,
please.
Don't squint at me, Harpreet.
I'm stronger by the hour.
You must let me live.
So, then,
I assume you wouldn't mind
if I accepted an invitation
to Ben's 40th?
You must definitely go.
It is an overnight trip.
Tell Benjamin I insisted.
We won't be eating after all.
I'm feeling quite hot.
And cold. (SIGHS)
It's going up and down.
I'm afraid
I've lost my appetite.
I may get you to
bring the walker
for the journey back to the
car.
(COUGHS)
BEN: I'm only going to ask you
one more time.
- That is just a lie.
- HEATHER: Just give it to me.
- BEN: Of course it is.
- (BELL RINGS)
Oh, mate.
You have a beer for me.
Listen, I'll have several.
- I promise you that.
- OK.
Sorry, Lizzie.
Uh, Harry, I am more than happy
to stay with Manju
if she needs the care.
She doesn't. It's a test,
which I will complete perfectly
and still fail.
I am MORE THAN HAPPY.
HEATHER: Liz! Come on.
- (BELL RINGS)
- HEATHER: I've got
your stupid-looking hat.
- (SIGHS)
- LIZ: That's my favourite hat.
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
Um, have you've got
any objections
to me putting on a podcast?
I'm moving out.
I'm moving in with Ed.
Oh, my God.
Could you at least help me
understand your face?
Not really.
Will you just stop me
if I get something wrong?
Ed's great.
You boys love him.
You seem really happy.
All pretty bang-on.
So why the face?
Every time any one of you
so much is floated
the idea of moving out
I shot you down in flames.
I called you
selfish and gutless.
So when I left
to go to Cambridge
I crucified you
behind your back.
OK, thank you.
That clarifies some things.
Well, thankfully, yours is a
pretty unique worldview, Heath.
I don't think anyone else
is going to feel that way.
Are you planning on
telling the others soon?
Probably.
For what it's worth
..I think everyone's
going to be happy for you.
I'll miss you.
Everyone will miss you.
It'll be a shock at first,
but you'll get their blessing.
SIMMO: You could live
your whole life out here
and never even
lay eyes on a neighbour.
Sounds lonely.
SIMMO: You could pull up
right now,
knock on any one of these doors
and buy him outright -
instant mogul.
You're assuming that the owners
would want to sell, for a
start.
- Ains, you're missing my
point. - I'm not.
I'm just saying
you could if you want to.
Yeah, but I don't want to.
You never know.
Actually, I do know.
I think I've figured out what
I want to do with Dad's money.
I'm going to start a business.
Yeah, you are!
Hey, why wouldn't you?
I want to find
rundown properties,
zhuzh them up, and turn them
into classy but accessible,
high-earning accom.
Bloody brilliant!
Ains, you're going to
smash that,
- just on so many levels.
- No doubt about it.
You know what
the beautiful thing is?
Between the two of you,
you got everything covered.
- What?
- You and Sim.
You've got your real estate,
your marketing,
your hospitality,
and then this idiot on the
tools whipping them all into
shape.
It's just It's meant to be.
I thought life
couldn't get any sweeter.
It just did!
Just did.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Mate, why are the boys
here?
Wouldn't be a birthday
without a surprise landing.
Oh!
- MAN: Benny!
- Hey!
(CHANTING) Benny! Benny!
BEN: God love him,
Sim always meant well.
But even he could say this was
an accident waiting to happen.
Happy Birthday!
Mate, I feel like an idiot.
I forgot pin the donkey
on the tail,
but we've got everything
else, though.
We've got beer-pong, fireworks,
bush darts, got it all.
Where the hell
are all the bushes.
They told me I could go
behind a bush. Show me a bush.
- Don't ask me.
- Sorry, Heather.
I could have sworn
there were more bushes,
but, still,
there's plenty of trees.
It's rolling plains
and saplings.
They'll cover less than
10% of me.
Has she got a bit of
dysmorphia?
If any photos of my arse
show up online,
you'll fucking hear about it!
And that cask of wine better be
open by the time I get back!
Right, what are we drinking?
Uh, I think I might be
nil-by-mouth until we get home.
Yeah.
Lizzie?
- Ah, the Fridge. Hello.
- How are you?
- Good.
- Red or white?
Nothing for me, thanks.
Jager-bomb. Got you.
Got one sorted. Say no more.
MAN: Everyone went through it.
AINSLEY: I think they thought
I was suggesting that
he and I
go into business together.
That explains it.
I love him, but the thought of
us working together, it
You don't have to
convince me, Ains.
Don't shit where you eat -
first rule of business.
You need to
set him straight ASAP.
He looks so happy.
His little face was all lit up.
That's all the more reason.
I don't want to hurt him.
MAN: Get him a light.
Just Just tell him you
don't want to spend your days
staring his plumber's crack.
- Off you go!
- Oh, I'm working up to it.
- Agh!
- Get him a water.
Longer you let it fester,
the bigger the backfire.
- (WATER FALLS)
- Oh
MEL: OK. Well, hang on.
What kind of porn?
MIA: He said I could pick.
MEL: OK! That's good.
MIA: Just
Should I feel insulted
that he asked?
MEL: He wanted you to pick,
so he's definitely into you.
If he's into me, then why does
he want to put on porn?
MEL: Dude, I watch porn.
All the time! On my own,
with Lachlan.
Your dad's not into it, but
he'll get there sooner or
later.
We all do.
But, hey, no shame, no shade.
If you're not feeling it,
you let him know.
You're driving, yeah?
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Look, if you need somewhere
to be, just come to mine.
Lachlan does opens every arvo
and Star and I
go cruising
most days after lunch, so
- Seriously?
- Yeah, totally.
And, hey, hot tip.
He is way more shit-scared
than you.
- Really?
- 100%
Huh.
Mate, I haven't lit the fire.
What good is that gonna be?
- (LAUGHS)
- Oh, fair enough.
HEATHER: Do you boys
know what you're doing?
Yeah, 100%.
Doesn't look like it from here.
Yeah. He loves camping.
- Wood?
- Yeah, wood.
Let's get wood. That'll help.
Small wood, though.
You didn't go, did you?
Couldn't.
I'm telling you,
nobody's watching you.
No, I started, but then
there was an interruption.
I think I heard Mel
talking to Mia about porn.
And I think
Is Mia's having sex?
What did you hear?
Well, she was asking Mel
about a boy who wants to watch
porn with him while they
You know.
And Mel was on-board with this?
VERY much so.
She said that
they could use her house.
Is that what kids are doing
now?
They're watching porn
while they
Why would you when you've got
it right there in front of you?
Why are you asking me?
Do we think Ben's across
any of this?
Do we think that he should be?
You don't want to spring this
on him this far from a
hospital.
Just get through
the dick-wittery
of the next few hours
and then hit him with it
when he sobers up at home.
I don't think I can get through
the next few hours.
I think I'm getting cystitis.
You got interrupted.
- Did you try and start again?
- Yes.
- What did you use to wipe?
- Just tissues.
Not the fancy-arse
aloe vera ones?
No. They were eucalyptus.
- Oh, f
- What?
OK.
Two antibiotics, right now.
Wash it down with Ural.
And keep your fluids up.
Cystitis goes from zero to hero
real quick,
so you want to get onto it
fast.
Ugh
OK.
You let go over the arm.
Ooh! Appeal! Appeal Liz.
BEN: Now, I'd always tried to
keep my family separate -
boys in one camp,
housemates in another,
and Mia on her own
little island.
It just safer, somehow, to keep
them all in different lanes.
But seeing all my people
in one place
was like real MDMA
from the glory days.
It's just
It's just pure love.
FRIDGE: I'm thinking ahead,
like, I'm thinking shirts,
hats.
- Just merchandise, in general.
- MAN: Merch?
'Cause that's
a whole 'nother revenue.
I mean, how's the timing,
though?
I've been stuck with
the last mob for 10 years now,
and only last week
did they let me go.
- It's perfect!
- BEN: What's that?
Uh, got let go.
Due to negligence or something.
But it means now
I get to work with
Sim and Ainslie's new bus
Our new business.
Jeez, mate, can they afford
you?
Probably not. Probably not. No.
I've been charging like a
wounded bull the last few
years,
but I would go mate's rates
all the way for both of you.
Oh, No.
We couldn't ask you to do that.
No, no, I'm insisting.
I'm insisting.
I mean, think of this -
the chance to
build something new,
from the ground up, with
family.
- Oh, mate.
- Can't ask for more than that.
Huh
I don't even know what you do.
- (LAUGHS) I'm an electrician.
- Yeah, a sparky.
He can do it all.
Settle down. Not everything.
I can't do industrial, but, no,
I do know my way around
your residential or commercial.
Why do you think
they call me Fridge?
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
You're clearly getting
your appetite back.
It's possibly all the vomiting
making room.
(MESSAGE ALERT)
If it's Elizabeth,
tell her I'm fine.
- Don't even respond.
- It's work.
No, it's not.
Tell her you need your space,
for God's sake.
She can cope without us
for one night.
(PHONE RINGS)
Uh, actually, Mum, it's
It's a colleague,
and it might be an emergency,
so I'm just
Dr Sethi speaking.
I take it the biopsy results
have come back.
Harry, it's Anton.
I know. I, um
I was with my mother,
and I pretended that
this was a work call
so I could step away.
OK.
- Did you get my message?
- I did.
And I'd really love to catch
up,
but, unfortunately, I'm taking
care of my mum tonight.
Oh, I thought she was spending
more time on her own.
Yeah, she was,
until I made the mistake of
admitting I wanted to
be somewhere else.
Oh, well, that is
very flattering.
Look, I'd really love to
catch up, but
I can't leave the house.
I can come to you.
You do realise
my mother is living here?
She doesn't need to know.
She has something of
a sixth sense
- when it comes to me.
- (BELL RINGS)
You didn't sneak in any hot
boys when you were a teenager?
(LAUGHS) There were no hot boys
anywhere near me.
Well, I don't mean to
blow my own horn,
but if they gave out degrees
for having sneaky sex
right under parents noses
Uh, that sounded
much less creepy in my head.
I was a teenager myself.
Mm-hm. I knew what you meant.
(BELL RINGS)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
- Ben?
- Yo.
- This has been so much fun.
- What?
You're not
You're not leaving?
We only just got here!
- We've been here for hours.
- But it's not even dark yet.
We just thought,
given the terrain,
it might be easier for us
to find our way home
in the daylight.
But what if you just
turn your headlights on?
Liz can't wee.
I can go into more detail,
if that's what you'd like.
BOTH: Oh, no, no
(INDISTINCT)
- OK. Happy birthday, Ben.
- Thanks, Heath.
Good luck.
- Just go.
- Get well.
- See you. Thanks, mate.
- No problem.
Oh, thanks.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey!
- What?
What are you doing?
I've had seven cups of wine.
I've had two,
on top of antibiotics.
You said you were nil-by-mouth.
You said to keep my fluids out.
Not with cask wine!
OK, fine.
I'm OK.
I'll do it.
Really?
Yes.
Really?
Yes.
Ugh
You were the designated driver.
Though we were taking turns.
- Needed to double the pain.
- So did I.
Psychological pain.
But I'm a city girl.
What am I,
a fucking bushwhacker?
(STARTS ENGINE)
(REVS ENGINE)
There's There's something
There's something wrong.
There's something wrong
with the car.
(REVS ENGINE)
For fuck's sake, Liz,
you've got it in park.
Just Just stop.
(KEYS JANGLE, ENGINE STOPS)
Traditionally, the person
that drives there does not..
Shut up.
Oh! Look out,
the girls are back.
Well, well, well.
Nothing to be ashamed of.
This is sacred ground.
We all feel the pull of it
one way or another.
Liz has got cystitis.
It's a urinary tract infection
in a vagina.
Cheers, everyone.
- You alright?
- Yeah.
(TV PLAYS INDIAN SHOW)
I might make us some tea.
(TV SHOW CONTINUES)
She thinks I'm making tea, so
we've only got a few minutes.
Uh, not that way.
Oh. (LAUGHS SOFTLY)
(BELL RINGS)
(TURNS TV OFF)
Harpreet?
Harpreet?
What are you doing?
I'm just waiting for
the kettle to boil.
But it's not boiling.
No, it it was.
It just turned itself off.
Oh.
Oh, just go back.
I'll bring it in.
I just
I pulled a muscle, so
Don't bother.
I'm too bloated for tea.
Oh, I'm sorry, Anton.
I'm just not
- Oh, yeah.
- Not here.
OK?
Maybe just let me know
when you're not
looking after your mum.
Unfortunately, my entire life
is looking after my mum
and work, so
Well, I do know where you work.
(LAUGHS)
- (INSECTS CHIRRUP)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER
AND LAUGHTER)
Oi, enough chat, you two!
Go to Sleep.
MIA: OK, Dad!
MEL: Sorry, Daddy!
They keeping you awake, Lizzie?
Oh, no, it's No.
Heath, I'm ready to try.
- Go on, then.
- No, I need you
to come with me.
I don't want to
go into the bush alone.
I'm pretty sure I heard a
snake.
It was maybe a large
bird of prey.
- Yeah, you didn't.
- I definitely heard something.
Oh, fuck's sake.
Thank you.
BEN: You need me to flank you
with the torch or?
No, thank you. Thank you.
Maintain distance. Thank you.
- (THUD!)
- Agh!
HEATHER: Ben! Torch.
Just bring the torch.
LIZ: If you could turn
your backs, please?
BEN: Swear to God, Lizzy,
we can't see anything.
LIZ: Torch off.
(ZIP PULLS)
OK.
LIZ: Can you talk amongst
yourselves, please?
Or any sort of ambient noise.
(INSECTS CHIRRUP)
So, um, I hear Mia
has a boyfriend.
What? No.
I heard she was chatting to Mel
about some boy she's into.
No, if she was into someone,
she'd tell me and Bec,
before she'd tell Mel.
Wouldn't she?
Hell, no.
- Why not?
- 'Cause you're her dad.
Yeah, but if they were talking
about big stuff like that,
Mel would tell me.
What, are you saying she
wouldn't?
I'm not saying anything.
LIZ: Torch on, please.
I probably just misheard.
How are you going?
I'm not sure how much natural
dampness is in this
environment,
but I am going to need to
borrow some pants
'cause something
seems to have happened here.
Oh, my God.
(GIGGLING AND CHATTER
CONTINUES)
I wouldn't mind getting a bit
of a hike in this morning.
What do you reckon?
If we leave
in the next 20 or so,
I reckon we can reach
Miller's Peak by, um
No, Tuesday.
Anyway. Benny, are you in?
- Pretty dusty, mate. - Yeah. I
didn't get much sleep.
But I might get a second wind,
or a first wind after brekkie.
That kid snores.
That's not normal. You should
probably get that looked at.
Yeah, I'll do that.
Hey, you want to grab a quick
stroll, just you and me?
Sorry, Fridge.
If this is what I think it is,
I'm going to need a wee first.
- (EXHALES)
- Ooh.
Hey, I'm stoked that
you're getting on so well
with little Mia.
Yeah, she's good value
when she's awake.
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
Hey
Heath thought she might have
overheard youse
talking about something,
and I just wanted to ask you,
do you and Mia
ever talk about boys?
No?
That's pretty much
all we talk about.
Oh, right-o.
So they are on the scene,
or is this just a chat?
Look, if you tell her I told
you, I'm going to deny it.
But, yeah, they ARE the scene.
She's way beyond talking.
How far beyond?
Well, it depends
what your bases are.
I mean, first base used
to be a tonguey and a fondle -
now it's a blowjob, so
Oh, yeah, it's all changed.
But you have nothing
to worry about.
I've given her a safe space.
And she's smart enough
to set her own pace. So
Why the fuck didn't you tell
me?
- Because you're her old man.
- Yeah.
No self-respecting teenager
talks about this shit
with the olds.
How would you feel
if Starlette was talking to
someone about this stuff?
Bring it on, man.
I've already opened up
a dialogue.
I mean, obviously, she doesn't
understand everything just yet,
but that's why
I'm writing a kid's book.
I'm calling it, 'What's That
Funny Feeling, Mummy?'
It's been in my head for years.
Just haven't found
the right publisher yet.
Fucking hell.
I knew, going into this,
I was rolling the dice on you,
so I was expecting you
to screw around with me,
not my kid.
Dude, I'm helping her.
There are other chicks in her
class that are doing line ups.
What?
Yeah, it's when a bunch of guys
line up, and they
What? If it wasn't for me,
that's what she'd be doing.
No, she fucking wouldn't!
I don't want her doing
any of that shit.
Oh, like what she does
with her body's up to you.
- Mia!
- Ben.
Benny. Hey, how are you
feeling, hike-wise, mate?
I've got two confirmed already.
Mia, grab your stuff.
We're leaving.
- Why?
- Because I said so.
Grab your bags
and get in the car.
You know, you're acting
like a total dick.
Am I? I think you've
doled out enough advice.
Thank you very much.
And Mia, you and I going to
have a nice long chat with your
mum right now.
- About what?
- About
Ask your mate.
I didn't tell him anything.
Someone overheard us talking
and told him.
Ben.
Ben, you are
confusing the crap out of her.
You're publicly shaming her.
And that is the shit
that sticks.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's going on here?
Benny, talk to me, mate.
- Not now.
- Fair enough.
There's a bit of emotion
in the air,
but that's what happens
on the land.
- But no-one's going anywhere.
- (ENGINE STARTS)
We haven't even cracked
the beer pinata yet.
Mia's driving by herself.
Mia, don't fucking Mia!
Mia! Mia!
Mia, Mia, Mia, Mia!
Mia!
Fucking hell!
Did all the jealousy
just boil over?
What?
I mean, I know it's got to
hurt, me with Ben,
but the kid loving me, too -
was that a bridge too far?
- You don't want to go there.
- I think you already have.
You offered a sex den
to a child.
OK, first of all,
she's not a child.
She's old enough to drive a
car.
And not talking about shit
doesn't make it go away.
Well, maybe you're just
not the right person
to be giving her advice.
Oh, yeah, and you are?
She's got questions.
She wants answers.
And she's not getting any
from anyone like you
or you or him.
- She could be halfway
to friggin' Melbourne.
- Oh, she'll be back.
She's probably parked
behind a bush somewhere
in a shame puddle.
What does that even mean?
I've got to tell my ex
our kid's just taken off
in a car by herself
after a massive row with me
'cause I just found out
she's having sex
with the help of
my fucking girlfriend.
I'm not your girlfriend.
And if you hadn't gone
half-cocked without a clue,
none of this
would have happened.
All right, can I just
Look, I know
we're all thinking it,
but if we don't kick off
in the next 15 minutes,
that sun is going to be
way too high to hike.
Is it a good idea, just while
we're all a bit heated,
if you take a step back, Ben,
and let us look for Mia?
Maybe we just walk it off,
mate.
It doesn't have to be a hike.
Fuck it. She's my kid.
I'm going to find her.
Can you two take Mel home?
And we'll split up to search.
Fridge, you come with me.
Mia!
She's probably just
stalled somewhere.
Mmm.
Ains, just
your business idea
Yeah.
Getting worried it's all
happening a bit quickly.
I
I am. I really am.
Oh, good. I feel sick saying
it,
'cause I love him
like a brother, but I just
I don't reckon I can go
into business with Fridge.
There's nothing on him,
he's a ripper bloke,
and an awesome sparky.
But I just I'm so excited
about it being you and me.
Mmm
It's the perfect fusion
of who we are.
"Ainsmo Accom".
"Simsley Stays".
It's Either way works.
Mia!
- I love you so much.
- Love you more.
And I want to spend
the rest of my life with you.
Look out, I'll get a chubby.
But I don't want to
work with you.
Sim, when we did, when we did
the Airbnb together,
I I looked
at you with different eyes,
and I don't want to look at you
with anything but love.
Right.
OK.
Just kept looking for
Ains, eh.
Mia. We're looking for Mia.
Yeah, Mia.
Dr Sethi, I was
We've just had a walk-in.
I did explain how busy you are.
But he insists that
he only needs a moment.
Uh, that's OK.
Thank you, Cynthia.
Come on through.
It's flaring up again, is it?
Oh, yeah. It's definitely
getting worse.
I'm so sorry. I'll be
right with you, Mrs Mullins.
CYNTHIA: So sorry about
the wait. He won't be long.
Thanks for accommodating me,
Doctor.
Not a problem.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(BANG! CLATTERING)
(THUDDING)
How are the grandchildren?
(LOUD CLATTERING)
- (HARRY MOANS)
- (BANGING CONTINUES)
Cynthia.
(PHONE RINGS)
- Hey.
- MIA: Can you come and see me?
Can't. The crones
have kidnapped me.
What does that mean?
Your old man banished me.
I'm already on my way home.
Oh, my fucking God. I hate him.
(SIGHS) Yeah, you're
supposed to hate him.
MIA: He's fucking psychopath.
Look, first of all,
I'm on your side.
The way he
tore into you was bullshit.
But my old man
was an actual psychopath.
Yours is just
a deeply unco fuck-up.
But at least he gives a shit.
Got to give him props for that.
He loves you so much, yeah?
He can't even see himself.
As much as I respect
the instinct, and the burnout,
driving off was a bad move.
I had to get out of there.
I feel you, babe.
But you've made your point.
He's probably shat his pants,
for real,
and you'll always have that
win.
But for now,
you've got to pull up stumps,
call it in,
and head back to camp.
I don't want to see him.
Fair enough, but we both know
you can't turn left,
so unless you want to
live in the middle of
Butt-fuck, Nowhere
Can I move in with you?
- Yeah. You don't want that.
- Yes, I do.
Look, you and me,
we get each other,
but we are not the same.
We're both hot and youthful,
sure, that's a given.
But you have also got
a massive brain
and you owe it to all the
hot, dumb bitches in the world
to use it.
Now go back to the old boy
and I'll call you tonight, OK?
OK.
(MEL HANGS UP)
Whatever you heard,
keep it to yourselves.
That shit was private.
Capisce?
Mate, I have never been
that scared in my life.
You went to jail!
You disappeared for years.
You cheated on Heather.
And you have
the audacity to judge me.
I'm sorry I went off like that.
I just
I was shocked and
and bloody terrified.
- Mia, you're my little girl.
- No, I'm not.
And I just I need you to
know
you are so much better
than that.
What?
Better than what?
Better than you?
You can't even keep your dick
in your pants.
Yeah, better than me, and
every other dickhead out there!
I just
I know how boys think, and
I want to protect you.
I don't need your protection.
I can take care of myself.
I know
I haven't been around enough.
And I'm so sorry that
you couldn't speak to me and
Mum about this.
Oh, my God.
If you say one thing to Mum,
you know I'll never
speak to you again.
Mate, I (SIGHS)
Your mum would kill me if
I didn't tell her about this.
I can tell her.
When I'm ready.
Yeah, alright.
Just take me home.
Alright, alright.
Oh, you guys are here. Um
Just so you know, like,
I didn't start having sex
until I was 30.
So, you know, it's cool to
wait.
Got the keys, mate?
Cynthia, I wonder if
we could have a quick word.
I'm afraid, Ms Pascoe would
prefer not to engage with you
at this time.
I'm sorry. Who are you?
I'm John Rossi. I'm one of
the hospital administrators.
If you have anything
you'd like to say to Ms Pascoe,
you may do so in writing
via the administration board.
OK. This is ridiculous.
I'm going to have to ask you
to step back, Dr Sethi.
Now, a very serious complaint
has been made against you,
and that has been escalated to
the Australian
Medical Standards Authority.
They'll be investigating
from here.
You right to go?
Cynthia, I'm so sorry. I
- Hey.
- Hey.
Sorry.
Tea cup.
Uh, how's Mia?
She hates my guts.
She's never looked at me
or talked to me
the way she did yesterday.
I reckon
I might have lost her.
No, you haven't.
OK, you've lost her for a
while,
but that's supposed to happen.
It's just a rite of passage.
She'll come back.
They all do.
Hey. Did I hear
Are you moving out?
I am. Yeah.
Um
Have you spoken to Mel?
No.
Well, God knows
what she said to Mia
when they were
on their own, but
I heard her on the phone
on the way home, and, um
..well, she genuinely
cares about that kid.
(SIGHS) Yeah.
For what it's worth.
(DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
HARRY: Next time
on Five Bedrooms
Just gonna head out to the
block for a bit.
- For how long?
- Uh, a few nights.
Dr Sethi,
you had sexual intercourse
with a patient in the
workplace.
There are consequences.
I'm fucked, aren't I?
- What is wrong with Harpreet?
- Nothing.
- Your mum's suspicious.
- What?
Harpreet!
(WHISPERS) Shit. OK.