Girlfriends Guide To Divorce (2014) s04e05 Episode Script

1 Previously, on "Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce" Sherry and I are getting a divorce.
- Sorry.
- Bald Eagle is Albert.
- I slept with your Albert.
- Are you gonna keep seeing him? - I don't know.
- But you like him.
- There's something there.
- Boyfriend, huh? - Yeah, so? - Sounds kind of nice.
- I'm selling my house.
- Downsizing is brilliant.
We got two offers on the house.
Does that mean we're moving to the beach? - Yup.
- Thank you so much for seeing us, Cameron, we're really big fans of your product.
You know, we're pretty psyched about our new - VinoLyte product.
- All the other advertisers that we met today, added up, still do not equal one Cameron.
I do have some thoughts on content.
- The deal's off.
- Paul's leaving Legal Aid.
He's running for a seat on City Council.
I'm gonna need help on my campaign.
My dad had a stroke.
I love you.
And that is why I think that Dad should live with me.
I just want to help him with his recovery and then just see where we are.
- My mom died.
- What happened? She had a heart attack.
I can't deal with the business right now, you know? I need you to take it.
I trust you.
I got it, Abby, don't worry about anything here.
I so wish we weren't beholden to the douche nozzles - of this world and their money.
- Maybe we don't have to be.
What if we shook things up completely? [UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Okay [MUTTERING.]
Right Thanks, Mom.
Um Ooh.
Careful there, you're gonna cut your fingers off.
Thank you.
You are right.
I just have so many work emails.
It's like, I've been gone a couple of weeks, but it feels like months? Are you excited to go back today? Yes.
Very.
And a little stressed, you know, I mean, Barbara's great, but a brand-new site like this, it's a two-person job, for sure.
Lilly, will you please go to the guesthouse and check on Grandpa, because I don't know if he's up.
It's way past his feeding time, and - He's not in there.
- Are you sure? - I thought he was in here.
- Oh, God.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Where were you? - Oh, it's a beautiful morning.
- Thought I'd stretch my legs.
- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.
- You remember what the doctor said, that you can't be exerting yourself too much? How am I gonna win Olympic gold if I miss my morning walk? Well, you'll have to settle for bronze.
- Now, go sit down - Well, that's not good Your breakfast is almost ready.
- Okay.
Hi, kids.
- Morning, Gramps.
Mm.
So.
What's the gossip in the McCarthy household here, huh? School.
Nothing.
It's boring.
- Here you go, Dad.
- Not this green goo again.
- Eww! - That's avocado, and it is brain food, and it has been studied, and it does wonders for brain healing, so doctors recommend you have it every day.
Well, doctors also recommend that I take my medication, which I'm doing every day, and it's working fine.
- Come on, let me whip up a treat.
- No, Dad.
No, no, I used to make those eggs in a hole, remember? - You loved it! - Sit.
You cannot whip anything up in your condition.
- [SIGHS.]
Okay.
- Okay.
- Fine.
- Good.
- I'll eat my brain food.
- Great.
- [CLICKING.]
- Lilly, you're gonna take Charlie to school today, right? Dad, I'm gonna come home at lunch and I'm gonna - check on you.
- Okay.
I'm just gonna get it all done.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
You sure you're gonna be all right? I'm fine.
It's time for you to get back into real life.
- Your business.
Go.
- Okay.
- Now! - Okay! Come on.
Do it.
Make money.
Oh, yeah.
- Drive safely.
Don't die.
- I won't die.
- I love you.
- Don't worry about me.
- All right? - Bye! - Bye, Mom.
- What is this you're eating? - No.
Ah! - There we go.
[MOANING.]
[HEAVY BREATHING.]
BOTH: Oh! Did you book that space at the Modahaus for the donor breakfast next week? Really? That's what you were thinking about just now? Yeah.
Didn't you know? I have to think about my campaign to postpone my orgasm.
[LAUGHS.]
Really? So that's for my pleasure? Hey, you have no idea the amount of bureaucratic red tape I have to concentrate on to last five minutes with you.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay.
Well, then, at the risk of causing premature ejaculation, the fundraiser's all taken care of, and Darren has padded the guest list with the deepest pockets that he could find.
I'm sure they're expecting to keep me in their pocket.
Imagine their faces when they realize I'm using the money to actually keep my campaign promises.
- Novel, huh? - Mm-hmm.
What do you do when your opponent starts dredging up your dark past? Hmm? Running all these attack ads? It's a City Council race.
Also, I'm super clean.
Squeaky clean.
LIKE BARACK: Latino edition.
You've never done anything that you're ashamed of? Look, I've been planning this career move for a long time.
So, staying on the straight and narrow.
What? What? Nothing, you're just such a puritan.
- A puritan? - It's annoying.
- What? - Slash inspiring.
You're inspiring.
You don't know me that well.
I know you well enough.
[SIGHS.]
- Ah.
Come on! - Aw, Mom! Oh.
Oh! Sh oh! Sh welcome home! [LAUGHS.]
Yay! What's going on? Mwah! Oh, sweetie! Oh, I'm sorry I'm early.
I think my cab driver was going for a personal best.
That's okay, as long as he got you here in one piece.
My gosh, I missed you so much.
You have no idea.
Look at you.
Oh, my gosh, you're taller than me.
I've been taller than you since the fifth grade.
That is true.
That is true.
Okay, you have some unpacking to do.
And I have to put in some bakery time, but I have a whole night planned for us, so a little dinner, - and a little walk on the beach - Oh, my gosh - Yeah, a little catch-up time.
- I'm so excited to hear about what's been happening back here with you.
[AWKWARD LAUGH.]
Well, you know.
Uh, same old, same old.
Really boring.
Yeah.
So you had a nice last couple of days at the mountain school? Yeah, they threw us a huge party, - and look at these pictures - Pictures! That I loaded onto Insta.
Isn't that pretty? [GIGGLES.]
No you have to press the "Input" button, Dad.
It's the it's right in the middle of the remote.
Oh, that's the Blu-ray remote.
No, you have to use the white remote, which is on the Uh, sorry, Dad.
Read a book, and I will call you back.
Hi, there.
Welcome to Lady Parts.
- Can I help you? - Uh - Yes? - Abby! - Babs.
Oh, my God.
- I'm so glad you're back.
Yeah, me too.
I missed this place so much.
- You have no idea - Parker! She's here.
- Abby! - Parker.
Your hair.
You changed your hair.
- Just a cut.
You like? - Oh, I love it.
It's just, you know, different.
It's different.
Like so many other things here.
- The logo - I know.
Fancy, huh? Parker got a friend to do it on the cheap.
- Wow.
- How's your dad doing? He's better.
He is on the mend.
Doctors feel good about it, so - That's awesome.
- So great to hear.
Oh, I'm so rude.
Sorry.
Abby, meet Laina, our new assistant.
- Oh, hi.
Hi there.
- I need you.
- Um - I feel like such a doof, Abby.
- I should have known it was you.
- That's all right.
Um, how would she know? [NERVOUS LAUGHTER.]
- We have an assistant.
Wow.
- She's been here a week.
And we will get you back up to speed.
- [LAUGHS.]
- After you, my lady.
Okay.
- So exciting.
- It is exciting.
- A return in lavender.
- Yes, a lavender explosion.
Oh, did you move that call with Christina about the maternity leave piece? I'm still trying to get a hold of her.
- Would you like 2:00 or 4:00? - Let's do 5:00.
Make sure Abby's all caught up and ready.
- Are you good with 5:00? - Um I love 5:00.
Barbara, almost done with the layout on the new work life page design Do you have a minute? All right, I'll be right there.
- Um - So, you cool? - So cool.
- Okay.
I will check in on you soon.
- Great to have you back.
- Great to be back.
Oh, yay.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[SIGHS.]
Looks great.
Submit it.
Thanks.
- Hey.
- How's it going? I know it's a lot.
It's a lot of awesomeness, though.
[CHUCKLES.]
You did a really great job, Barbara.
There's just one little thing: I've been looking over the budget? Straight to the exciting stuff.
Yes, we're a little in the red, but, the press we've been getting lately has been Right, yeah, the whole "All female advertisers" thing.
I read about that in the "Business Weekly" article.
- Wow.
- It's cool, right? I mean, there were a lot of great quotes in there.
I loved "Lady Parts: where all the parts are 100% lady.
" Thank you.
Hit me in the moment.
Well, it's a great concept, it's just a little bit bold for a start-up.
I'm looking at these numbers, and I'm really missing Cameron and that VinoLyte account.
I hear that, but the all-female advertiser thing has really got people energized.
It's exciting, you know, not to be beholden to - men, and male companies - Right.
All female voices in our writers, and our employees, and it's noisy.
- And it's getting us buzz.
- Buzz.
Love.
Great.
Yes, but when is it gonna reap financial dividends? We're a 21st-century feminist website breaking new feminist ground.
We'll get more advertisers.
I promise you.
Okay.
Yes.
We will see what happens.
Thank you.
- This is the frontrunner.
- Look at that.
- I know.
- Wow.
I love it.
Look at that beautiful light.
Oh, this is an insane loft, and Venice is where it's happening.
- What's happening? - Everything.
I'm so proud of Phoebe.
She's downsizing.
You're taking control of your life.
No, it's great.
It's great I cannot wait to get out of the house, it's just this escrow has been exhausting, it's like a big Band-Aid that needs to be ripped off, the Band-Aid being my old life, and my new life being this raw, oozing scab.
- Eww.
- Yeah, I know.
But it's gonna be great.
It's gonna be great.
- The estate sale is happening.
- Mm.
Everything must go.
You have to come.
I will buy anything you want as long as you donate - Yes, I'm gonna donate - That's a little beneath you.
This is important.
Getting Paul elected is an opportunity to affect real change.
He genuinely cares about this city, and he has the brains and the political savvy to get through all that legislative gridlock.
- Wow.
- What? - Delia Banai's in love.
- Oh, puh-lease.
Forget legislative gridlock, I'm just impressed he pushed through your emotional gridlock.
You see what I did there, with the gridlock? - I did.
That was impressive.
- You're very clever.
Winning Delia's heart by a landslide.
Let's just say he's leading in the polls by double digits.
BOTH: [SCREAMING.]
Okay, enough.
Money.
Donations.
Barbara donated, official endorsement, now it's your turn.
- You two.
- You're relentless.
- Please make your checks out - Jesus! Campaign, and ask your friends to donate.
I don't have any more friends.
You guys are exhausting enough.
I could ask Albert.
Should I ask him to donate? Well, I'm shameless now, so sure.
While he's donating, maybe can bring him to the estate sale.
Okay, that would be a little awkward.
Oh, come on.
We're all friends now.
He hasn't met Barbara.
He hasn't met Abby.
Speaking of a Band-Aid getting ripped off Well, talk about an open scab.
I'm kidding.
It's fine.
It's fine.
I'm fine.
Okay, well, how about Zooey? Do they get along? - Get along? She just got here.
- So? So, my love life has been a parade of horrors to the kid, and I don't want to freak her out.
She know you're seeing someone? I will tell her when I drop her off at college.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay, weed is legal here in California, so I'm pretty sure this bakery is killing it.
- [SPEAKING SPANISH.]
- Add a zero.
Well? I'm scared to give you mine.
[LAUGHS.]
You, Lilly-bell, you were only 12, and you got so angry at your father, 'cause you accused him of changing his score - to a hole-in-one, right? - Yeah.
- He did cheat.
- No! Dad didn't cheat you're just bad at mini-golf - Well - Okay, let me just say that both those things can be true at the same time.
[LAUGHTER.]
Dina used to always take your side.
You two would gang up on poor Jake.
I almost felt sorry for him.
Daddy You miss Grandma? Yeah, I do.
Very much, I do.
Yeah.
Hey, why don't we go back to that mini-golf place, huh? Let's do that.
And how about tonight? - Tonight? No, it's late.
- Yeah! - It's late.
- No, no.
Come on.
Come on.
I've been pent up here all day.
What do you say, kids, I'll get you some ice cream, and - Ice cream, yeah! - Ice cream? Okay.
First of all, Dad, you're lactose intolerant, and second of all, I have a lot of things to catch up on for work, and then we can just find a better time to do all No, no, I'll just take 'em, then.
You just work.
You work.
No, the doctor said you can't drive.
What, because of my condition? I'm just fine, all right? - No - I'm perfectly capable of - I can drive us - Honey I can drive.
Your mother She's just being overly cautious.
That's very generous of you, but I'm not gonna let you be responsible for Grandpa, and that's just too much - to put on you.
- I'm right here, Abby.
You don't need to talk around me like I'm some child.
You can't drive.
The doctor said that I don't care what the damn doctor said! [SIGHS.]
Hey.
- Kids okay? - They're okay.
They're a little freaked.
Worried about you.
You can't do that, Dad.
- I know.
- You can't lash out like that.
Not in front of the kids, or this won't work.
[SIGHS.]
It's not working.
I feel like an invalid.
You treat me like I can't do anything, like I can't make my own choices.
- Well, you're sick.
You're - [SIGHS.]
Recovering.
You have to trust me.
I am just trying to take care of you.
I know you are, honey, and I love you for it, But I can't drive.
I can't even take a walk by myself.
No, honey, it doesn't feel like my life anymore.
Look, there's been a lot of change, and it happened really fast, and it's just gonna take us a beat to get back to normal.
Normal.
I don't even know what that is anymore.
Well, you'll find it.
We'll find it.
We're gonna get it back.
And I can, you know, I can loosen up a little bit.
[LAUGHS.]
- You? Really? - Okay.
Hmm? You really are your mother's daughter Okay, well, no need to lob insults here.
[SOFT MUSIC.]
[LAUGHTER.]
That right there? I don't know, baby.
I don't even know where that was in her house.
- They're so big.
- Okay, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, table, for hosting so many great meals, and thank you for bringing my family closer on some nights.
- Thank you.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
That table doesn't ever actually talk back, does it? No.
No, it doesn't talk back.
I am using the KonMari Method.
You're supposed to thank your possessions for their service before you say "Farewell.
" Because you wouldn't want to sell people stuff - that had low self-esteem? - No.
Because I am trying to make downsizing a positive experience.
This much change has been really hard on the kids.
- Thanks.
Bye.
- Bye.
Yeah, they look really traumatized.
Yeah, well, not right now.
It's fun right now.
- Love this, Phoebs.
- Oh.
- So soft.
- Oh, it's so soft on your feet.
- [LAUGHS.]
- I feel the connection - between you two.
- Is that what you're feeling? - Yes, that is what I'm feeling.
- I feel Phoebe thanking this rug for emptying your bank account.
Stop it, it's not that much money.
- Not that much - Yeah, well.
If I wanted a lesson on penny pinching, - I'd talk to Abby.
- Oh, no.
Are you guys having financial problems? No, Abby's just a stickler for details.
It's like she has a spreadsheet for a brain.
Yeah, well, that's part of her charm.
Um, I have to go.
Someone is circling the Castlewood chandelier, but look around.
Good luck.
Have fun.
Mm, seems like that, uh, spreadsheet is getting under your skin.
Oh, my God.
Yesterday was so stressful.
It's like she was back five minutes, and questioning every decision I had made.
Well, maybe you should give her some time, babe.
- She needs to adjust.
- You're right.
Oh, my God, I'm just bitching and moaning, and the woman just lost her mom, and has all the issues with her dad Well, just know that you can bitch and moan to me all you want, I will never judge you.
I know you won't.
However, if you buy that rug, I will judge the hell out of you.
That thing is ugly.
Shh, you're gonna hurt its feelings.
Sorry.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
I don't need no excuses I can say sorry For everything I said when I felt angry I don't need nobody to tell me All about my problem Maybe we're all the same Hi, um, it's Abby McCarthy.
From Lady Parts, yeah.
Yeah, well, I bet you're surprised.
There you go.
Mm.
There she goes.
You didn't say "Thank you" to that dress.
Every man who's ever seen me in that dress has thanked it enough.
And now it's gone.
Anyways, did you find anything you like? Maybe I will take this beauty.
Oh, yes, I bought this in a wild Manhattan shopping spree weekend, and it was not this price.
Um, who changed the tags? Well, a lot of people were looking at it, and no one was buying it.
And you said, "Everything must go.
" Yes, I did, but not us, to the poorhouse.
- That's better.
- Oh, Phoebe, it is used.
- It's not even last season.
- You know what? As an official supporter of Paul Cordero for city council, I have every right to change that price.
- Capitalism.
- [LAUGHING.]
HELLO.
BOTH: Hey! - Ooh, cute.
- Abby! - Hi.
- I thought you were supposed - to be working.
- I was.
I did.
I got like a few hours in.
Hi.
- Everything good? - Everything is great.
- Hey, kids.
- BOTH: Hi, Abby.
Good job.
Um, yes.
It really helped.
It's just being in the office, by myself, on a Saturday, it was so helpful.
I just feel like I'm getting my bearings.
- Okay, that's great to hear.
- Yeah.
- Back in the swing of things.
- Yes.
Full swing.
And I never even checked in with my dad, and he texted me, told me he already took his pills without my reminding him.
Yay! Okay.
Oh, my God, is that who I think it is? Uh, Abby, Barbara, this is Albert.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Albert, awesome to meet you.
- Hi.
- Hi, hi, hi.
- Thank you.
Ladies, it's great to finally put faces to the names.
Same.
Delia, hi.
Hi, Albert.
[SIGHS.]
Well, this is painful.
This is worst than my last root canal.
What's painful, just because half the women standing here have seen my naked ass? Why would that be awkward? - [LAUGHTER.]
- Abby.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Hi, sweetheart.
- Mwah! Mwah! - Albert.
- Hey, Phoebe.
Wow, what did I miss? Can I just say, now that I'm seeing you two together, it just feels right you're like two puzzle pieces that just fit.
Thank you, Delia.
Well, we got that shit out of the way.
Oh, my God.
[LAUGHTER.]
- Well, let's, uh, let's browse.
- Okay.
- Shall we? - We're gonna browse.
- We're gonna browse.
- BOTH: Okay.
Browse away.
- Well done, Delia.
- Mm-hmm.
- Seriously classy.
- Thanks.
That was really cathartic.
Feels like all the Albert stuff's in the rearview.
- [PHONE DINGS.]
- Ooh.
BRB.
- I'm gonna browse.
- Okay.
- Because I see sparkly things - I thought that went well.
Yeah, yeah, you didn't spout horns and burn them alive.
So I'd say you're really winning hearts and minds.
[SIGHS.]
I wish it was that easy with my kid.
Hey, it's no big deal, we tell her when you're ready.
I'm so ready, just I don't want to jolt her.
The last guy I was with was a sex addict who fled the country, and now her dad is drying out in New Mexico.
- I'm a real winner magnet.
- [LAUGHING.]
- Or was.
- Yeah, and what's my vice? You don't have a vice.
You're perfect.
I just wish she knew it.
Well, maybe we can ease her in.
I'm listening.
Well, the wraparound part is nice, and you always look so cute what's the matter? - What's happening? - Hey.
I didn't say good-bye.
To the chair? It's inanimate.
I know.
I know it's inanimate.
It's just, it is the first thing that I bought when I got married, and I had never spent so much money in my life, and I I thought I was into something new, that I I didn't have to worry anymore.
Well, you are into something new, again, and it's gonna be great.
- Yeah.
You are right.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I just I just didn't think that getting rid of everything would be so hard.
- Mm.
- But Downsizing is the right thing to do.
- Mm-hmm.
- Phoebe, you haven't sold your calendar yet, have you? I don't even have a calendar.
What are you talking about? - No one has - Because jot down a reminder to watch Kathie Lee and Hoda on Thursday.
Oh, my God, are we That was one of the producers, and not a big deal, but K and H are Lady Parts readers, and they want us on this week.
- Aw.
- Oh, my God, Barbra! That is so exciting! Yes! Yay! both: Yay! We're gonna be on TV.
We're gonna be on TV.
With Kathie Lee and Hoda BOTH: Kathie Lee and Hoda, Kathie Lee and Hoda [UPBEAT MUSIC.]
I mean, let's face it: we all drive in Los Angeles.
We know how frustrating it can be, right? And not only am I proposing an expansion of the rail and bus service to get more drivers off the road, but I plan to introduce less confusing parking signs.
I mean, what is the point of getting someplace ten minutes earlier if you're just gonna spend 20 minutes deciphering hieroglyphics to avoid getting a parking ticket? - Right? - What? Am I right? Guys, excuse us.
Thank you so much.
Please treat yourself to some refreshments, all right? Thank you, Paul.
- Too much? - No, you're killing it.
This is perfect.
I kind of want to take our show on the road, you know? Sell tickets, popcorn? But look, I want to introduce you to a few more people, okay? Okay.
Sherry.
This is Sherry Wilcox.
She contributes to a lot of non-profits for underprivileged youth.
- Sherry, this is - BOTH: Delia.
- We've met.
- Oh.
She actually works with my ex-husband, Albert.
It's nice to see you again, Sherry.
Well, great.
No need for introductions.
[CHUCKLES.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
- Thank you for your loyalty.
- Have a nice day.
Puerto Rican Puma? Is that you? - Bald Eagle, what's going on? - That's right.
- Hi, how are you? - I'm great.
I'll be darned Zooey, this is my sparring partner from Tao of Rex, you remember? - Yeah, the boxing thing.
- The boxing thing.
That's exactly right.
Your mom is a firecracker.
In the ring.
[LAUGHS.]
In the ring.
Zooey, it is really nice to meet you.
Yeah, you too.
So what brings you to this neck of the woods? - Oh, um, business meeting.
- Mm-hmm.
- This is crazy.
- Yeah.
I mean, I never get to the west side.
- It's a small world.
- Yeah, you own this place? I do, I do.
I'm sure I've told you that.
At least that much.
No? - I'm sure you have.
- Yes, yes.
- Yeah.
- Listen, we're, uh, we're about to take a break and have some breakfast.
- You care to join us? - You know, as a matter of fact, I could really go for some breakfast right now.
- Okay, okay.
- That would be great.
Zooey? You cool with that? - Yeah, sure.
- Yeah.
Okay.
Let's go to the patio.
Come on.
It's just a TV interview.
It's no biggie.
- It's gonna be great.
- It's our first live national TV interview.
Okay, ladies, we are on in two.
- Two what? Minutes? Seconds? - Minutes.
Breathe.
You remember my last interview.
Epic meltdown.
Froze on camera.
Ring any bells? That's not gonna happen this time, and I've done this show before, so I can take the lead.
You can just jump in when you feel it, okay? [EXHALES.]
Whoa! Watch out! Cheater! No fair! You started first! Hi.
Um, hello? - Whoa! - Hello? - Hi, Laura.
- Hi.
Ah! [LAUGHTER.]
- Just checking in.
- Yeah.
Looks like you're almost cleared out.
Yeah, the estate sale was a success.
- Makes moving a lot easier.
- Yeah.
Well, I just have a few more closing papers for you to sign - Okay.
- Here.
Oh, and, um, just FYI, one little tweak.
Mr.
Muller would like you to pay for the repairs to the chimney before you go.
That wasn't part of the agreement.
No, it's just an amendment.
It's totally normal.
- Happens all the time.
- Uh-huh.
- [DERISIVE LAUGHTER.]
- Are you okay, Phoebe? Yeah, sure.
Except that the buyer is pulling this at the last minute because he doesn't think I'll refuse if half my stuff is in a moving van.
Well, I really don't think he's trying If I don't agree to this, it invalidates the whole thing.
Right? Well, technically, we haven't closed yet Well, then the deal's off.
- Excuse me? - The deal's off.
It's a buyer's market, right? I mean, he can push around another homeowner.
- Guys? - Yeah? I am so sorry.
Will you move that back to the bedroom? That's weird, but I'm gonna pay you anyway, so just move that back.
Thank you.
- So Phoebe - You know what, Laura? I will be in touch.
Thank you.
Okay, you'll be you'll call So, how do you plan on dealing with the city's graffiti problem? - Hmm.
- Well, that's a great question.
I mean, that has been a big problem as of late.
Everybody thinks they're Banksy all of a sudden.
Yeah, some people don't have respect for what doesn't belong to them.
Yeah, most of these crimes tend to be committed by underprivileged boys Well, no, let's not stereotype.
In my experience, there's been older, over privileged women that are just as incorrigible.
And there seems to be a higher degree of recidivism when it comes to the particular type of crime Well, some people just don't learn their lessons.
Even after they're caught, they just keep messing around.
In their own backyards, at work, - throwing around their cans - Sherry, it was my understanding that the graffiti in your neighborhood was cleared up.
You moved on from that property anyways.
Doesn't mean I forgot.
Graffiti tends to stick with you.
Hmm.
Um, I think that my proposed youth outreach program will provide the kids with a healthy recreational alternative to vandalism.
Well, there you go.
Maybe we should move on to another issue.
Good idea.
How about prostitution? [SIGHS.]
[LAUGHS.]
I love that! Showing up at her door like it's a rom-com or something.
I love when they show up at the door.
Everybody loves that.
Yeah, I was just so inspired, you know, and I knew that Barbara was the only person that I could do this site with, and I just wanted to tell her right away.
You know, I didn't want to wait.
I wanted to see her that night.
I get it.
That is so great.
You two.
I mean, this completely shows on the website.
We love Lady Parts around here.
Kath and I read it - BOTH: All the time.
- All the time.
- Thank you.
Wow.
- Sure.
So let's talk now about this bold initiative the two of you have launched.
Um uh, initiative? I You know the one, only female-run companies advertising on your site? I mean, we heard about that, and we thought, wow, that's some really exciting stuff.
Really exciting, but kind of scary too.
- BOTH: Yeah.
- But tell us more.
What made you ladies want to take that leap? - Ladies? - Abby? Are are you all right? Abby? Are you there? Are we having some technical difficulties over there? - No, Kathie Lee, we're here.
- Sorry.
- Our - Sorry.
The all-female advertiser thing, it just felt right for our brand, a way to stand out from That's not the only way we stand out.
You know, we try to find a new angle on women's issues Hang on a second: you guys are making a real statement.
Totally, I mean a man comes up to your door, what are you gonna do, tell him to take a hike? - Yeah, get out of here, dude.
- BOTH: Bye.
Well, we'd do it nicely, but yes.
It's something we're trying on, you know, to see if it fits.
But if a product came along that appealed to our readers, we would totally consider it, we would be open to talking to them, no matter who ran the company Actually, as a feminist website, we're trying to make a statement about the male-dominated business world.
- A culture that tends to - I'm a feminist.
I am a lifelong feminist, and I believe that feminism is about bringing together enlightened people of like mind, men and women, all races, all creeds, all working together to advance a feminist agenda.
Abby, I hear you, but I have a different perspective.
- Different perspective? - Uh-oh.
For me, we've gotten to a point where we can't accept the status quo.
There is a culture of misogyny that is insidious, and we need to fight that aggressively.
- Yeah.
- Our all-female advertiser initiative, yeah, it's a risk, but we're Lady Parts, and we're willing to go for it.
- Go for it! - Yes! - This is a rallying cry.
- It is.
So, come on ladies.
Start businesses.
- Yes.
- Start taking risks.
- Yes! - Go! - Take control.
- Yes! And when you do, we'll be here to support you.
- Wow! - Yes! Wow, Barbara, I think I'm gonna start crying.
I am too, but I can't because I had my tear ducts removed.
Did I? I've had so much work done.
Anyway, hey everybody, Barbara Sawyer and Abby McCarthy, we love you guys, love Lady Parts.
And launching a feminist rallying cry.
- You go, girls.
- Thanks, ladies.
- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.
Boy, do they need a drink.
And we're out.
All right, guys.
That's it.
Barbara? [JAZZY MUSIC.]
[SIGHS.]
I need a hand with this thing.
Okay, yeah.
This goes upstairs, right? Yeah.
- Mom? - Yeah? The movers are carrying our stuff the wrong way.
I know.
I've got good news.
- We don't have to move.
- What? Why? Because the deal didn't go through.
But that means that you get to stay here.
Where all of your friends are, and your favorite grocery store, - and the school that you love.
- Mom.
- Yeah? - We've moving to the west side.
Not Alaska.
What's this about? Just this house, it's Not everyone gets to grow up in a big nice house like this.
And I didn't have nice things and stuff.
I just want you to have your stuff and all of your nice clothes, and your room, and So, will our tablets work in Venice? - Of course they will, moron.
- Anouk, stop.
Yes, your tablets will work in Venice.
It's okay, mom.
We're gonna be fine.
Don't be a freak.
So your mother left me with two bruises, one under each eye.
Now, one is fine.
You look tough, right? Two makes you look like you're wearing eye shadow.
- Or like a raccoon.
- Or like exactly.
Like a raccoon.
You know, that's better.
I'm gonna use that next time.
Puma, your kid is sharp.
Yeah, sharp as a tack.
But Bald Eagle here, he's my toughest competitor.
He really challenges me, keeps me on my toes.
Hey, right back at you.
Anyway, if you will excuse me, I am gonna hit the little Bald Eagle's room.
[LAUGHTER.]
He's a nice guy, huh? FYI, he's totally into you.
- Really? - Yeah.
He's falling all over you.
Wow.
What do you think about that? - Of him? - Mm-hmm? For you? Serious? - You don't like him? - He's a little Needy and desperate.
He's really weird.
- Weird? - Yeah.
- Weird how? - I don't know.
- I just get a vibe.
- He's great to spar with.
Yeah, I can definitely see why you'd want to punch that guy in the face.
- [CORK POPS.]
- Ooh! [LAUGHS.]
Isn't it a little too early to celebrate? What? No way.
Okay, so How did we do? Uh, well, not too shabby.
Pretty much everyone there cut us a check.
Except for Sherry.
Well, maybe she is looking for someone who's a little tougher on spray paint.
[LAUGHS.]
What? You and her.
There was some shit there.
- Yeah? - Come on Oh, yeah, well, maybe I noticed.
I tend to rub people the wrong way sometimes.
Well, we wound up making a lot more than we expected.
But now, I'd like to make a toast.
For being by my side.
I think we make a really damn good team.
Wait, maybe there is a reason that Sherry opted out.
- Thank you.
- Fantastic.
All right, keep counting those hits and keep me posted.
Thanks.
So, that was Laina, and apparently, my moment just now, already going viral.
That's great.
This all-female advertising thing better work because you just tied us to it.
- Are you serious right now? - I am just concerned - that this is not sustainable.
- No, you're worried that the site is going to be successful and it won't be because of something you thought of.
- Wait, what? That is not even - They wanted to talk about my idea, and you couldn't handle it, - so you undermined me.
- Barbara, that's ridiculous.
- Is it? - Yes.
- I'm not so sure.
- We have a fiduciary responsibility to our investors.
This is not about my idea or your idea Please, Abby, you've been shitting on this - since you got back.
- No, I have been supporting it, trying to keep our lines of communication open with potential advertisers just in case In case I failed.
Got it.
And what the hell do you mean, "Keeping the lines of communication open"? Who have you been communicating with? With other advertisers.
You know, maintaining relationships.
Oh, my God.
You called Cameron, didn't you? Yes.
I didn't make any promises to him.
I had coffee with him, and he is not that bad.
- You wrote him off too fast - You are unbelievable Cameron and VinoLyte are a massive business.
- Mm-hmm.
- And I have been trying to clean up the mess you made and the damage you did when you kicked him out.
I know that you're going through a lot, but you trusted me to oversee everything, - and this new direction - Is not what I had in mind when I conceived of this site.
I had no idea that I would be managing this aggressive militant feminist manifesto! - Militant? - This was not my vision! This isn't about you anymore! Or your vision.
This is about the site.
Which is a real thing in the real world, and this is what it's becoming.
So you can get on board, - or you can - Or I can what? Or you can get out of the way.
Abby here.
Oh, my God.
I'll be right there.
- I have to go.
- Abby, is everything I'll be right there.
[SIGHS.]
Well Well, now I get why she hates you.
And in full disclosure, Gordon was a client when we started hooking up.
So, there were a lot of transgressions.
I'm not squeaky clean.
What are you thinking? I'm not squeaky clean either.
What? I thought you said you were like Barack Yeah, but Barack smoked pot.
A lot of it.
Me, I got busted for dealing it.
In high school.
I was a minor, so that was expunged.
And I also had kind of a thing with my English professor in college.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Yeah.
And I think pretty sure Maybe she was married.
Paul, I am really disappointed in you.
Yeah, I know, I am a big disappointment.
I think that screw our pasts.
That's what I think.
You're squeaky clean to me.
Mm.
Oh, you know, I just noticed that, uh, - your neighbor closed up shop.
- The record store.
- Yeah.
- Last week, yeah.
- Guess nobody's buying LPs.
- No one.
That's too bad.
It was a great place.
I loved browsing through there.
I thought you said you never come west.
Oh, I don't think he said that, I think he You used to browse that record shop, but you never came in here? Didn't even know my mom owned this place? - Oh - What is that, a coincidence? [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Are you stalking my mom? both: Stalking! No, no, no, no.
We're stalking each other.
He's my boyfriend.
We're a couple, honey.
Okay, we're a dating couple that dates.
That's it.
Okay.
I said it.
It's out.
Why did you pretend before? - Pretend? - No, no, no, no.
It's not her fault.
This was my idea.
Look, you've been through a lot lately, and your mom just wanted to ease you into things.
She wanted to give you a chance to get - You mean lie to me? - Lie? No! - Yeah, you did.
- No, no, no, no, no.
A lot.
For no reason.
God, I've been back a week.
You've been lying this whole time.
- Zooey, Zooey, I - Is there anything else you want to tell me? Everything was so crazy before I left, but at least I knew what was going on.
At least you were honest with me, but now Fine, okay? He's working with Delia.
- Jo - They used to schtup, behind Gordon's back, and then he sent him photos, and he's the reason why their wedding fell apart, but it's okay, because Delia and I, we hashed it out at Abby's mom's funeral, so it's all good.
And, um, I broke your lamp.
I broke that lamp that you loved so much.
The one that Grandma made for you, but I glued it back together, so there's that.
But I think that's everything.
I have to go.
Zooey Oh, my God.
Well, that went well.
No, Laura, I understand.
That was just crazy Phoebe.
Yeah, no, it was just real estate jitters.
It happens all the time, just yes, I do, I do.
I want to sell to the Mullers.
I think that they're great [SIGHS.]
No, I understand that they'd be pissed.
I would be pissed too if that Can you just talk to them and just try to convince them that I understand.
Thank you.
Shit.
Oh, Jesus.
[EXTINGUISHER BLASTING.]
Lilly, Charlie.
Mom.
Mom Oh, my gosh.
- [GASPS.]
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry.
I was making eggs in a hole, and I, uh And I tried to I'm sorry.
Dad