Hotel Babylon (2006) s04e05 Episode Script

Spring - a time when people pull back the bedcovers and get down on their hands and knees with one goal in mind - cleaning.
From our 1,000-thread-count sheets to the cobwebs in the corner, everything receives a spit and a polish.
You need to do the whole corridor.
Great, girls.
- Oh! - Oh, my fault.
I'll get it.
Nothing is overlooked.
We all strive for perfection.
No, no.
Ben, leave it.
But sometimes we need to bring in a little outside help.
- Thanks for fitting us in.
- My pleasure.
Where shall we start? Shall we take a seat? I need it delivered today.
Well, can you find out? Yes? There's no way I can accommodate that booking.
Oh, God, that's the last thing I need.
Sorry.
- Who's that woman with Sam? - I don't know.
Hmm.
Right, since records began, this weekend has been notorious for its high vacancy rates.
Ah, yes.
The dead weekend, as it's known.
It's bliss.
So I've just done a deal with an organisation to hold its annual convention here.
We're a bit short-staffed this week, so we'll all have to pitch in a bit.
Sam, did you hear that? 150 guests - in a single phone call.
- Mm-hm, I heard.
Could you tell the corners of your mouth? Sorry, Jules, but as it is a slow time of the year, I chose this weekend to do a spot of team-building.
There's a motivational expert waiting for us in the Artemis Room to help us brush up on our communication and team skills - work out our personality types, see how we all fit in together.
We'll just be doing some exercises.
Think of it as a bit of spring-cleaning.
- You never mentioned this to me.
- I never got a chance.
What was that about communication skills So if we do bad at this team-building, do you sack us or? There have been a few situations lately.
I just want to confirm I've got the right people.
How is this going to work now that we're hosting an entire convention with a skeleton staff? Well, we'll make it work.
So, what group is it? - Sorry? You never said what group is holding the convention.
Oh, the Captain Stranger Appreciation Society.
They're having a ball this evening and non-stop screenings and signings tomorrow.
Who is this Captain Stranger? It's a rubbish '70s sci-fi show about space pirates.
Oh, no, not geeks.
And what have they ever done to you? I was stuck on a coach all the way from Salamanca to Costa Blanca with the Spanish Star Trek fan club.
They sing songs in Klingon all the way - six hours.
I still have the nightmares.
Well, geeks or not, once they check in it's your job to make them leave here happy, that's all.
Sam, you should have mentioned this earlier so I could have talked you out of it.
Don't worry, Jules, you'll be fine.
- What?! I have to do it too? - You'll breeze through it.
Juliet, I've just heard I have to do some team-building course.
Are you not happy with my work since Anna left? No, Ben, you have performed remarkably well - as acting head receptionist.
- Good.
I'm sure you'll breeze through it.
Sam wants me out - I knew I'd gone too far with that liver-and-onion ice cream on last month's menu.
I'm no good at tests.
That's why I end up in housekeeping.
Well, I say, "Bring it on.
" You guys are all going down.
Well, if it's a test, I'm copying Emily.
No, it's not that sort of a test.
It's where we drive go-go-karts and shoot paintballs at each other.
No, it's gonna be three hours of motivational mumbo jumbo from some fat, sweaty bloke with a beard.
Everybody, this is Meredith Sutton, and she's gonna be working with us next couple of days.
- Hello.
- ALL: Hello.
When do we start shooting the paintballs, hey? - We don't.
- GINO: What? - What about the go-go-karts? - We won't do that, either.
Now, I know that some of you may be cynical about people like me, but all I ask is that you approach this with an open mind.
Sorry.
- Thanks.
We'll have two game sessions in here today, followed by the main event tomorrow - a real-time practical session to test your teamwork and see if I've done my job properly.
Now, shall we get started? The goal is to flip over the tarpaulin without anyone touching the ground.
Is this how you decide who's sacked? The first one off gets the chop.
Gino, hands off! - I did nothing.
Now, the side you're on is where you are professionally.
The other side is where you want to be.
You can't make the transition without working together.
This is the most pointless and ridiculous thing I have ever done for Sam, and that's saying something.
Count yourself lucky you don't have Gino's hands all over you.
- Oh, sorry, sorry.
- OK, hands all over me.
- GINO: I've got you.
Don't worry.
Sorry, for how many weeks? - Am I crazy, or was that OK? - Yes.
Surprisingly, yes.
- I can't believe we did so well.
- Yeah, I won.
I thought there was no winners in these games.
Oh, yeah.
No, I definitely won.
The point was to show we work together well as a team.
But don't we always? Exactly.
A complete waste of time and money.
Well, that minky Meredith can boss me around any time.
It's actually better than shooting people with paintballs.
Unless those people are James.
- Oh, very funny I wonder what she has planned for us next.
Well, after this morning, nothing would faze me.
Except that.
Battle stations, everyone.
The nerds have landed.
- Juliet Miller? - Yes.
Ferris Carlisle.
President of CSAS.
The Captain Stranger Appreciation Society.
- Ahoy! - Ahoy.
You received my itinerary? Yes, I did.
- How is your ballroom ventilation? - Excuse me? One of our members has a smoke machine for our masquerade ball.
I want to confirm that won't be a problem.
Oh, I think that's the least of your worries.
Sublime.
Ahoy! Ahoy.
Sir.
- Sir! - What? Late night, was it? Do you need me to help you to your room? No, no.
I can manage.
I've got a key card somewhere.
Um, must have dropped it.
You're not really a guest with us, are you, sir? Yeah, fine.
I'll just pack my stuff and you'll never see me again.
Hang on a minute.
I would have expected better service from a first-class hotel.
Your voice - you used to be on TV, didn't you? Yes, you did.
You hosted that kids' news programme.
Yeah, that's it.
You're Michael - Martin.
- Anderson.
- Armstrong.
- Martin Armstrong - oh! Oh, my God, your show was brilliant, especially those panda stories you always did.
Yeah, you can't beat a good panda.
- Oh So, what are you doing kipping in a luxury hotel? - Well, it beats a shop doorway.
- But you're famous.
- I haven't worked in six years.
- Oh! - I mean, you can't just stay here.
- Why not? - I've been doing it for weeks.
- What? Morning.
The nicer the hotel, the less likely the staff are to bother you.
Someone must have said something.
No, no.
They always think I'm an eccentric millionaire.
Oh thank you.
It was working really well.
I never stayed long enough to be noticed.
At least until now.
I mean, couldn't you just go back into presenting? You know, start again? Yeah, I could, but I left under a bit of a cloud.
Oh, my God.
You had an affair, didn't you, with your teenage assistant? - What? - Well, it was all over the news.
OK, right, she was 22, and it wasn't an affair.
It was just a one-off thing, really.
And when my wife found out - well, my ex-wife - she took me to the cleaners.
So you've just given up? Yeah.
Yeah, pretty much.
But nobody's gonna give me a job.
But thank you for being so discreet.
And as I used to say on the show, "Goodbye, cheerio, farewell.
" Oh - Can I take your bags for you? - Oh, thank you.
The convention's never been in a place this nice.
We hope you enjoy it here so much that you come back every year.
If you need anything else, my name's Tony.
You'll find me at the concierge desk.
Thanks.
Um I'm meant to tip now, aren't I? That's purely at your discretion, actually, sir.
Er £20- about right? Yes, that's very generous.
Thank you, sir.
Come on, hurry.
One of the geeks cancelled - a Time Lord convention in Barnstaple.
So get yourself cleaned up, get some rest and I'll come for you in the morning.
- Thanks, Bill.
- Oh, it's Ben.
And it's fine.
What else am I gonna do? You're my childhood hero.
Come on.
Oh, hey, hey, please, can you say that thing for me one more time? Giant pandas enjoy forested habitats with a deep understorey of bamboo.
Oh, my gosh, I hear that and I'm eight all over again.
Quick.
- Everything OK, Ben? - Yes, it is.
Room 409 needed some ice, so that's what I'm doing - delivering some ice to room 409.
Er this is 402.
Mmm, come on.
So, how have you been? So, how were they? Suitably teamy? The teamiest.
No, I'm impressed.
But, um did I say something to offend Juliet? Oh, she's just a little frustrated with the timing, that's all.
Sure she doesn't just think I'm full of corporate-speak nonsense and resents me teaching her how to work better? I'll win her round.
I usually do.
- Have you worked together long? - No, not really.
But then there was the whole four years of marriage.
- What? You're? - Were.
Oh.
Wow! Oh! Sorry.
Not interrupting, am I? Meredith and I were just going for lunch.
- Do you want to join us? - Um, bit busy, actually.
- All I can ask is, bear with it.
- What? Well, you don't feel it's helping yet.
Not at all.
I felt tremendously united standing on a tarpaulin.
Well, maybe we can have a coffee this afternoon and talk it over.
Mmm, maybe.
I'll be out in a minute.
- Yes? - Meredith is one of the best.
She has a degree from Cambridge and a masters from Harvard.
I don't care if she built Hubble, she doesn't know how to do my job.
How do you think I grew my business? I learnt.
I got in people like Meredith to help.
- Fine.
I will do the course.
- And? And, yes, I will take it very seriously.
I promise.
Very nice.
Gino, you're drooling.
OK, you have just three minutes to build one of three objects - a tower, a bridge or a house.
Building with blocks - how beneficial to our careers.
The catch is, only Juliet can see the blueprint.
This is a test of your communication skills.
All right, then.
- And go.
- BEN: What?! I'm feeling very ambitious, and so we're going to build a tower.
Right.
- EMILY: OK.
Er er we need two square-y bits.
OK.
Yeah, yeah, nice one.
Yeah.
And some sort of - Squares? Like a squiggly bit, Gino.
Just for that Interlock it with Gino's squiggly bit.
I always wanted to interlock with you.
Hang on.
- Give me the blueprints.
Juliet's in charge! - One minute remaining.
- JAMES: Come on! Sorry, sorry, OK, OK.
The green piece goes with the interlocking piece.
Time's up.
Oh! Right, well, obviously that was a fail, I'm afraid.
I am available for extensions, loft conversions OK, everyone, back to work.
- Have you got a minute? - Mmm.
About earlier - I'm sorry.
- You said you'd take it seriously.
- I did.
No, you didn't, Juliet.
You paid it lip-service.
I know you.
I know how good you are.
- If you wanted, you'd have passed.
- I know, but it All I wanted was half an hour of your time.
Think how it makes you look.
To me, to Meredith, but more importantly, to the team.
Meredith? You think I care what I look like to her? Well, you should.
This is costing me 15 grand.
You're supposed to be leading our team.
You couldn't lead a trip to the zoo! Because I failed her little game? Sam, I've got a lot on this weekend.
This is hardly a priority.
Look, I make one slip-up and suddenly I can't run the hotel.
Oh, stop being so defensive.
No, I am defensive because I am good at my job.
And if anything, I have over-performed in my time here.
Yes, you have.
- But, please, there's one more task to do tomorrow.
Just take it seriously, OK? - Who is this Meredith, anyway? - What? Oh, I told you, she's one of the top facilitation consultants.
And has she facilitated your sleeping with her, by any chance? I know you're not happy, Juliet, but I'm still your boss.
"Cantina Band" from Star Wars, by John Williams So, what's a nice human like you doing in a place like this? To be honest, I'm not really sure myself.
I've never been to a hotel as posh as this before.
Oh, well, to mark the occasion, let me buy you a drink.
- Oh, specials.
- Ah.
Alaksian Fireball, Hordovean Mantasater, or a Gargolean Liquidiser.
Yeah, I googled Captain Stranger.
These are all names from the shows.
What are they really? That's red wine, white wine and that's lager.
- Oh, you have a pretty laugh.
- Thank you.
I'm Mary.
Oh, you have a pretty name too.
I'm Gino.
I have a joke for your laugh.
There's an alien.
He walk into a bar and sit down next to a drunk, and he starts poking him in the shoulder.
The drunk see that the alien is naked, look down, and the drunk say, "Hey, you got no genitals.
How do you have sex?" And the alien just smile and continue poking him in the shoulder.
- I love that.
Comic shop.
OK, so, we're here, yeah? This is Shaftesbury Avenue.
If you go down to there, you'll find a good comic shop there.
And if you go into High Holborn, which is over here, you'll find a model shop there, I think.
Oh, that's excellent.
Thanks, Tony.
- You can have that.
- Oh, cheers.
Um - Thank you, sir.
- Thank you.
That's when the ox went for him.
And to this day, nobody has tried to deliver post to our house again.
- No, that can't be true.
- Yeah, I'm afraid it is.
I suppose now you think Gino is some kind of country pumpkin.
Of course not.
I don't think that at all.
- No? - No.
I'm glad, because I want to make a good impression on such a beautiful lady.
I've enjoyed talking to you.
- I need to get to bed.
- Yeah, of course, of course.
- You must be tired and - No, I'm not tired.
I Well, I was hoping that maybe you'd like to come to my room.
- Gino? - Your room? You're in there, son.
Er, Mary, can I ask you, is your father a thief? Because he stole the clouds out of the sky and put them in your eyes.
- It's stars, not clouds.
- Oh, stars.
- What are you up to? Just pampering myself.
You don't do pampering.
- - Don't tell me you've got a date.
- Hey, don't sound so surprised.
No, I'm not.
But come on, tell me.
Who is this curious individual? Jimbo, do you know - never kiss and tell, hey? Oh, jeez.
Louisa, can you find out what room Gwendoline Cook is in for me, please? Sure.
Gino, is there a cologne tanker run aground? Just pampering myself, you know.
Gino - Here you are - for your pampering.
- Thank you.
- I hope she likes it.
- She will.
I - I didn't see you.
- Oh, thank you.
So this is the busiest slow weekend we've had in a while.
Are we at capacity? Almost.
I'm bloody knackered, and this team-building isn't helping.
I know you think it's nonsense, but most of us are entering into the spirit of it.
- Is that a dig? - I know you think it's bollocks.
And to be frank, so do I.
But it does seem important to Sam.
People are worried what will happen if we don't do well.
And to do well, we do need your help.
FLAMENCO MUSIC - Gino! - Tanya! - What are you doing up here? One of the guests had too much to drink and I just wanted to check that she you know, that HE was OK.
Mm-hm.
With a rose? Yeah, well, he's a very good guest.
He eats a lot of peanuts.
OK.
Hi.
- Hi, Tanya.
- Uh So you find a tramp sleeping in the hotel, and instead of chucking him out, you give him a room.
He was only doing it out of kindness.
It's easy to be kind with someone else's money.
He was sleeping on the streets.
You might be, if you're not careful.
I thought you had more sense.
Oh, please, he meant no harm.
Hang on.
Um say something else.
Um er describe the contents of the room.
Um OK.
Well, there's a desk over there, and there's a sofa, and a lovely flower arrangement in a vase Now say, "Back to the story of Flo, the donkey trapped in a pothole.
" Back to the story of Flo, the donkey trapped in the pothole.
Oh, my God! You're Martin Armstrong! I used to watch you every day after school.
- You used to talk about the - The pandas! - The pandas.
- I know, I know - the pandas! Oh, God, there was this story of the mother panda who looked after the little, um the little puppy.
Oh, Frisky.
Yeah, Frisky the puppy.
Naughty, naughty Frisky.
Oh, Frisky.
Juliet, I'm sorry.
I'm gonna pay for the room and I'm gonna No, no, no, no.
Ben, it's fine.
It's fine.
I think Martin may be able to pay for the room himself.
Thank you for calling Hotel Babylon.
Unfortunately, all our operators are busy at the moment, but please hold and your call will be answered as soon as possible.
Was that OK? Cos, see, I'm just a bit out of practice.
It's brilliant.
Listen.
Thank you for calling Hotel Babylon It sounds, er It sounds OK.
- What's the matter? It's perfect.
- Yeah.
That's just it.
I haven't heard my voice in years.
I look in the mirror and I see a man whose whole life has slipped away.
But that that's still me.
That's the person I used to be.
Hey, you never know, this could be the start of a whole new career.
Now, will Mr Armstrong be taking his complimentary breakfast in the restaurant tomorrow? Yeah, yeah, that'll make a nice change from the corridor.
You're lucky.
You've got a strong mix of personality types here.
Is that good? It makes for a bonded, capable workforce.
- Mmm.
For example, Ben's a performer, James is a realist, Tony's a counsellor.
- Juliet's - A what? Well, she's actually a little conflicted.
Juliet's good.
I've no doubt she is.
But, um are you sure you're able to judge, with your history? Well, I've never really thought about it like that.
Wait until you see the results of tomorrow's session.
So, what personality type are you? What do you THINK I am? Ah, there's a question.
Ah lone ranger.
Oh, that's more accurate than you think.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I love what I do - travelling the world, getting people to see past the jargon and silly slogans.
I feel a "but" coming on.
But it gets a bit lonely.
Be nice to stay in one place for a bit.
With the right people.
Morning.
Good morning.
Where are you going? The little boys' room.
Hurry back.
Primarola, you are a god of love, hey? What, me? Yeah, you, you, hey? Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Oh! My God! - Gino.
- Oh, Mary! I want to - I is is this your room? - Yeah, course it's my room.
Because I - What, those? - Yeah.
They're Captain Stranger vintage figurines.
- Yeah, for your nephew? - No.
- Your son? - No.
- Oh.
- No, they're mine.
Oh.
This is the third-best collection in western Europe.
That's why I'm here for the convention.
Look, don't you think this one looks like me? - Yeah.
- Ahoy.
Yeah, I just think Uh I think that, er I have to I have to, er go to the, er you know, to a thing.
To a thing.
No, I don't believe it.
Gino had a date with a guest? I saw him going into her room last night.
Well, good for him, I say.
But I haven't told you the best bit.
She's staying in a block of rooms reserved for Captain Stranger fan club.
- No! - Yes.
Wait, wait.
Are you saying that Gino bagged a geek? Yes! - Oh.
Morning.
Ahoy! - Oh, I see.
Gino's love life is public information now, is it? Affirmative, Captain.
- For your information, I didn't know she was a geek until this morning.
And gorgeous though she is, I do not intend to continue the courtship.
- Why? Because she's a sci-fi nerd? - Hey, you don't know.
You've never had a Romulan describe how warpy drive works for three hours, hey? - These people, they're not human.
- Isn't that the point? You know what I mean.
Now, I want to be alone.
Please, may I? See you later for the final session maybe.
Gino Gino.
Don't be a stranger.
- I couldn't resist! Sam, this came for you.
Thank you.
Sam, I need you to authorise this.
I was out of line yesterday.
And I'm sorry I didn't do the task properly.
But I do maintain that in the real world, I am actually very capable.
Well, maybe I'm not the best person to judge.
Not with our history and everything.
- What's that supposed to mean? - It means that you and I Meredith's an impartial professional, OK? She really has poisoned you with her business bullshit, hasn't she? I don't want to hear it, Juliet.
Whatever the task is, do it right.
Do something right, please.
Well, can't you just beam the Captain Stranger posters over? Oh, it's only organic matter.
Well, in that case, a courier will have to do, then.
- Excuse me.
- Hi.
I'm Gail Wallis Strong.
Nancy from Captain Stranger.
I was the show's leading lady.
- Oh.
- Do you know, I'm the only actress ever to be BAFTA short-listed for playing an entire episode in an alien language? How can I help you? I need you to keep this somewhere very safe for me.
I'll need it later for my autograph session.
- Oh, yes, it's real gold.
- It is.
It was a gift from my executive producer.
I always use it for signing autographs.
I'll give it to our general manager.
She can keep it in the hotel safe.
Can I get you to sign something? Oh! Why not? It's a receipt so that you can claim your pen back at the end.
Thank you.
Mr Mason, did that projector make it up to your room OK? - It did indeed, Tony.
Thanks.
- Oh, good.
Thank you.
Gino.
I've been looking all over for you.
You left in a hurry.
To be honest, Mary, I'm not supposed to fraternise with the guests.
Oh, forbidden love.
Very episode 2.
6.
Oh, Gino, this is Rhodri.
- Rhodri, Gino.
- Ahoy.
You're right, Mary, he looks exactly like the leader of the Tronks.
- What? - I'll see you later.
OK.
We're just off to a panel meet with Gail Wallis Strong.
I've been dying to talk to her.
Do you wanna join us? I think I've got a lot of things to do, so OK.
Maybe I'll see you later, then? I think maybe I got a lot of things to do later as well.
Oh.
I see.
OK.
Bye, Gino.
Gino, who's that? That's the geek.
Oh, the geek? She's beautiful.
She's a geek.
So? She's stunning.
Is she nice? She has all the little plastic action dolls.
She has all the little guns.
Er if I tell you a secret, do you promise not to tell anybody? Yeah, you promise? - I'm a morris dancer.
- What? I like morris dancing.
- I could lie and say that my parents forced me to do it, but the truth is, I really enjoy it.
I never knew.
Have you ever wondered why I take every May Day off? Come to think of it, no.
If you did wonder, you would find me in Penge dancing around a maypole as if my life depended upon it.
- What about the outfit? - The outfit? That's my favourite part.
- Good morning, Martin.
- Ah, Juliet I wasn't sure if seconds were allowed.
- They're compulsory.
- Right.
Juliet, I've got that number you wanted.
Perfect.
Martin, have you heard of a man called Lawrence Kane? Lawrence Kane, as in Kane Media International? Yes.
Well, he's a regular guest here.
He mentioned that he was setting up an internet news service.
I was thinking of giving him a ring to see if he'd consider meeting you.
I'm not sure I'm ready for a meeting with Lawrence Kane.
We'll freshen you up.
We'll get you a new suit.
You'll be great.
- OK, so what do we tell Sam? - I'll worry about Sam.
Me, cover the bar? Gino needs to sort things out with Mary.
It's the best chance he's had since we've known him.
It's the only chance he's had since we've known him.
Doors opening.
Tony, have you heard the new lift voice? - I have, actually.
- I like it.
You? Yeah, it's good.
James? Sam, hi.
- Where's Gino? - Oh, he fell.
On his leg.
- Is he all right? - Oh, he'll be fine.
Right.
I tried this great Scotch the other night.
Here's the supplier's number.
- Tell Gino to get some in.
- Will do, boss.
And you are powerless to do anything about it.
The people will fight your army of Drogs with all their might.
You have no hope of defeating them, even with all the Yagarian shuttle craft in the universe.
- Mary.
- Hello? Can't see.
Sorry.
- I want to talk.
- Shh! Oh, is that Captain Stranger's spaceship? What? That old crate? It's the Yagarian shuttle craft.
- Do you wanna watch? - Do you wanna sit here? - Do you mind? Captain Stranger, is that you? Yes, it's me, Nancy.
- Ahoy.
- ALL: Ahoy.
I have a plan, Nancy.
Turn around.
And Sam was OK about getting him a £1,000 suit? Sure.
Payment for becoming the voice of Babylon.
Well good luck, Martin.
Yeah, thanks.
Oh, Juliet, sorry, I completely forgot.
Gail Wallis Strong's gold pen.
She uses it to sign autographs.
She wants you to keep it safe.
Oh! Juliet Oh, my God, why am I doing this? He'll remember everything, won't he, about my past? He'll remember you're good.
You ARE good.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I was quite good.
And this is the right thing to do.
So good luck.
And I shall meet you back here at four for all the gory details.
Gino? Gino.
Did you like it? I know this wasn't the best episode to introduce you to the show.
You didn't like it, did you? No.
I loved it.
- Really? - Yeah.
Oh, Gino.
Hey, what's going on? They're about to show the whole of series ten.
Yeah, well, maybe I can watch one more, hey? - Ahoy.
- Ahoy.
Captain, are we backing out yet? Negative.
Where's Gino? We can't start without him.
He's probably helping a guest.
Inspecting her forward thrusters, no doubt.
- Here I am.
Sorry, everybody.
Right, this is the culmination of all you've learned on my course.
A crisis is the ultimate test for any team's effectiveness.
So, today, you'll be taking part in a fire drill.
Oh! We've closed the top floor of the hotel.
And these assignment cards will guide you through what to do.
Oh, my gosh, this is so exciting.
Oh, I have an injury.
I've got to do this bit American.
Make it more dramatic, hey? Do I get an assignment card? No.
You're the team leader.
Um, doesn't anyone else ever get to be leader? Surely I could.
Juliet's the general manager.
She'll lead the task.
The rest of you report to your positions.
OK, let's do it.
- EMILY: Right.
- Shall we? - Mmm.
Doors opening.
I love this new lift voice.
- Doors closing.
- Here, you'll need this.
Thanks.
The exercise is a fire simulation.
It starts when those doors open.
You have six minutes to evacuate 20 trapped guests.
Good luck, Jules.
Ninth floor.
Doors opening.
Juliet, this is Tanya.
One of the cleaners has reported smoke filling the hallways on the top floor.
OK, I'm on my way.
Juliet, you cannot take an active role.
Your job is to co-ordinate.
- Now, the fire engines are en route.
- Right.
Ben.
Ben, where are you? I'm right here.
Copy that.
Roger, roger.
Over.
- Oh - Hi, Juliet.
- Hi, Ben.
OK, everybody, check the rooms, and any guests, bring them to the north staircase for evacuation - go.
Thanks for covering me at the bar.
Me and Mary have had a breakthrough.
I think I'm in love.
I'm glad to hear it.
I don't pull pints for anything less.
Gino, James, get a move on.
Use your key cards and empty every room.
Hey, wait a minute.
I haven't got my key card.
- Come on.
He has to have a key card.
- This isn't part of the exercise.
That's strange.
I never lose my key card.
- Never mind.
Just take mine.
- OK.
- Two minutes and ten seconds gone.
- Just every minute will do.
So there's another one in 904? We're moving them too slowly.
What is taking so long? This corridor is now filled with smoke.
OK, James, just move as fast as you can.
The fire has now spread to the staircase.
- What do we do? - JULIET: We move.
Remember, Juliet - stop, assess and react.
We move to the south staircase.
There are so many people.
I'm sorry.
This woman is seriously injured.
If I move here any more, she may die.
OK, just, um leave them all here.
Emily, Tanya, tend to the injured.
Keep low, everybody, - and I will think of something.
- JAMES: OK, OK.
Um recovery position.
Five minutes.
Did you get them all out? According to the card, the smoke is too thick.
- Gino's trapped in one of the rooms.
- OK, we leave him.
Are you sure you want to leave one of your staff? - I said leave him.
- GINO: Nobody try to save Gino? Look, we can't risk trying to rescue him.
But I don't want to die.
- Enough, Gino! Just take those people, put them in that room and and keep them by the window.
OK, OK.
Oh, oh, oh.
I was supposed to die of smoke inhalation two minutes ago.
Sorry.
Oh! - Oh, Ben.
Oh, God, I never really got the chance to know him.
Get these people and keep moving them into that room.
- Where's James? - I've no idea.
But you were the last person to see him.
James, where are you? Apparently I'm on fire in 903.
Do you want me to go and get him? No, just keep moving these bloody people.
Come on, keep moving! - And that's time.
- What?! Come on back, everybody.
Six minutes have passed, the roof has collapsed and the building hasn't been evacuated.
Everyone's dead.
I'm very sorry, Juliet.
You did your best.
Let's go have a cup of tea or something.
Something stronger, perhaps.
Come on, Ben.
I'll buy you a drink.
First time for everything.
So this is death.
No-one tried to save me.
None of you are invited to my funeral, hey? Hi, everyone.
Ben, could I have a word, please? That test was tough.
Well, I was the only one that failed, but thank you.
Listen, Ben, have you seen Martin? He was supposed to be at my office at four o'clock.
Oh.
Maybe the interview didn't go well.
Oh, you.
- I gave that little blonde person - Emily.
I gave her a very valuable pen earlier for safekeeping.
- I'd like it back now, please.
- Of course, madam.
Well, immediately.
I've got fans waiting.
They expect me to use that pen.
It's rather famous.
Have it sent to my room.
I understand.
Thanks.
Kane's unreachable.
And his assistant's gone home for the day.
Emily, that Strange Captain actress - Captain Stranger.
Sorry.
- She left a pen for us to hold, but I checked the safe and it's not there.
Oh, Emily gave me the pen when I was with a guest.
- It should still be on my desk.
- I checked there - nothing.
Sam, could I have a word in private? Here is fine.
OK.
Um the guest I was with is Martin Armstrong.
He's an ex-TV presenter.
Oh, Mr Panda.
Yes.
Well, he's homeless, and, um I've been helping him out.
Helping him out how? Well, he recorded the new voices for the answerphone and the lifts.
I arranged a job interview for him, bought him a new suit - smarten him up.
- With what? - Um With some of the hotel money.
How much? A thousand.
Right, so you take in a tramp, buy him a suit with the hotel's money, and he repays you by stealing a guest's property.
No, we don't even know that he's taken the pen.
Well, of course he's taken the pen.
God, you really are a soft target.
When are you gonna stop being so bloody naive? At least when I'm taken in by people, it's because I am trying to help them, rather than make a quick buck out of them, like you.
What?! That's got nothing to do with it.
- The point is, you screwed up.
- Once! I screwed up once.
The amount of times that I've had to bail you out And I never wanted your help.
- The amount of your shit - I never asked you to interfere.
Meredith is right.
This is never gonna happen between us.
There's too much history.
Well, let me clear up any ambiguity for you.
I resign.
Fine.
Right.
Effective immediately.
So much for team-building.
I haven't done anything wrong.
I've just All I wanted to do was just come in for a couple of minutes.
- Gino.
- What's going on? Gail came back to her room for a rest and this crazy woman was waiting for her.
- I only wanted to talk to her.
- That girl is unbalanced.
I've seen this sort of thing before.
Well, how did you get in the room? Mary, how did you get in the room? - I borrowed this.
- You stole my key card.
I didn't think you'd mind, seeing as you're a fan now.
Give me back the card.
Oh, come on, Gino.
It's no big deal.
Mary, you broke into her room.
It just went too far.
I wanted to talk to her, give her a hug.
- Maybe take a lock of her hair.
- Oh! She's my hero, Gino.
Why didn't you ask me? I was worried you'd say no.
Go and get your things from your room and leave the hotel.
- What?! - My mind is made up.
Look, I really, really like you.
I didn't mean for this.
You used me.
Sorry, Mary.
I'm sorry too, Gino.
Gino.
Ahoy.
I'm sorry about that.
I just wanted to say that I thought in series nine, episode six - Wanderer In The Dark.
- Yes.
that you were fantastic.
Thank you.
There you are.
Do you want to award the course completion certificates to your staff, or should I? Um no, you can do it.
I'm really sorry it worked out like this with Juliet, but don't beat yourself up about it.
It's just so frustrating.
I don't know what went wrong.
No offence, but part of me wishes you'd never come here.
Sam, sometimes what I do reveals painful truths too.
Yeah.
I just don't know what I'm gonna do without her.
You need to make a fresh start.
Look, if you're really in a bind, I could probably pitch in for a bit.
Sorry? I told you I studied hotel management as part of my masters.
What? You wanna do Juliet's job? Just until you find someone else.
I spent over the half the year on the road last year.
I'd love to stay in one place for a bit.
Am I being too pushy? I probably am.
Forget I said anything.
Final task.
It says here the roof collapses after 12 minutes.
You gave Juliet six.
Well, technically, yes, but it's open to interpretation.
I altered the parameters to better demonstrate Juliet's character under extreme pressure.
You sabotaged her.
I was just trying to help illustrate her shortcomings.
Think of her in the other tasks.
I was just doing what I thought was best.
I think you should go.
- But, Sam, it was - Get out! - Is this a bad time? - Who are you? I'm Martin Armstrong.
Is Juliet around? Only I need to tell her my good news and, er to return her bling.
Mr Mason.
- Good weekend? - Oh, yes.
This is the highlight of my year.
Cue boring librarian joke.
You're a librarian? - You ARE a librarian.
- Yeah, it pays the bills just.
But the time I get with these wonderful people is worth all the scrimping and saving during the year.
Um thanks again for all your kindness, Tony.
Oh, no I'm sorry, Mr Mason, I've just realised that this week is No Tipping Week.
- Oh, really? - Yes, all the big hotels do it, and I neglected to tell you, so sorry about that.
Oh, great.
Oh thank you, Tony.
Excuse me.
Miss Wallis Strong, I once again do apologise about the whole pen thing.
Yes, most unfortunate.
I would've complained to your manager, but apparently, you haven't got one now.
All of these people are so fixated on you.
Does that not get to you after a while? I enjoy it.
When I do these events for a few hours every year, I'm a star again.
- Come along, Ferris.
- Oh, one last thing.
Could I have your autograph? I don't think so.
- Boss.
- Not now, Tony.
You shouldn't have let her go.
I know, I know.
I'm an idiot.
I'll get her back, Tony.
Brother Tony.
- Shh.
Don't want the others to hear.
- What? I couldn't believe it when Gino told me.
Gino told you what? About your hobby.
You know, the - - Are you all right? - The morris dancing.
I had no idea you did it too.
Maybe this year we can hit the maypole together.
I've never been morris dancing, James.
I only told Gino that to make him see reason.
Yes, me too.
I've never been, either.
So, do you wear those little sashes? They're called baldrics.
So, you still come here when you need to get away? And you always said I was the one who'd never change.
I live round the corner.
I'm sorry, Jules.
I was wrong about everything.
I was wrong about Meredith, I was wrong about Martin.
- He came back? - Yeah.
And he got the job.
He took the pen to make a good impression.
Well, at least somebody's career is taking off.
Meredith fixed the final task.
You actually did pretty well.
Turns out she was after your job.
- What a bitch.
- Mm-hm.
Remember when we used to dream about buying that place? You wanted your bed by the window so you could see the boats.
We never even set foot inside it.
- Actually, I did.
- Did you? - Mm-hm.
- When? After the divorce.
When I started making money.
Had a viewing.
Thought about buying the place.
But it felt weird without you.
Come back.
Come back to the hotel.
I don't think so.
Please, Jules.
I need you.
Hi.
Thank you all for staying late.
As you know, we've had some turbulent times recently, and Juliet's resignation came as a shock to us all.
I want to put that behind us and move forward.
And with that in mind, I'd like to introduce you to her replacement.
If you could come in, please.
- Oh, my God! - I can't believe you made me do that! - Gotta have a sense of occasion.
- Welcome back, Juliet.
- How did you manage that? I just presented her with the facts.
- When that didn't work, he grovelled.
- A bit, a bit.
Well, we like to hold on to the good ones round here.
Absolutely.
- TONY: Welcome back.
Spring-cleaning is about renewal, change.
And sometimes you need to change everything just to realise that all along, the so-called mess was pretty close to perfect.
You're looking pleased with yourself.
I've got the right people in the right places.
I could've saved you some money and told you that.
Or given it to me.
I'm short on tips this week.
Where is Gino? He's missing all the fun.
- I saw him go into the staff office.
- I'll ask him if he wants to come.
- Carry on.
- Juliet, welcome back.
To Juliet.
- Not joining us, Gino? - No, I Tonight, Gino enjoy the company of a stranger.
Really? OK.
Well, watching this show help me remember the good times.
Forget about the bad.
Hmm.
Well, enjoy.
Sorry it didn't work out with Mary, Gino.
- Me too.
- Hmm.
Me too.
Go, Captain, go! Ahoy! Is that that fish kid? We've got Mandy Warren staying with us the next couple of days - only 16 but an Olympic hopeful.
Alexis Warren - Mandy's mother.
You know Mandy's getting paid peanuts for this ad.
They're ripping her off, aren't they? - You're my trainee? - Lovely bistro you've got here, guv.
Kenneth! - Oh! - Excuse me, I I'm so sorry.
Gennaro Fazio, editor, Certo! magazine.
Tomorrow's royal wedding has been cancelled.
Can we get someone to pretend to be the princess? And the fiance? - This whole thing is a fake.
Never have I been so glad to have the parents that I have.
What is going on?