In Living Color (1990) s04e05 Episode Script

- How you livin'? - What? - How you livin'? - What? - How you livin'? - In living color - You can do what you wanna do - In living color - Anything you want is up to you - In living color - You for me and me for you - In living color - You can be anything you wanna be - In living color - Let's take a trip and sip on a dream - Yeah Glide with the guide on a funky scene Here comes another one of thosefunky, funny mo'money shows A cast for laughsand talented roles And sisters with twistersfor you been lookin', listener It seems you don't believeso you can believe what I convince ya Some booty to your short and thoughtWe'll make it snappy With jokes and pokesat folks to keep you happy No need to holdyour remote control ChillThis show's got soul All aboard, all aboardThe train never troubles You'd better snuggle upcouple up - On the double-dub-double - Yeah It's hard to believebut some of the best things in life are free So, fellas, grab your girlTell her that you love her 'Cause that's the way you're livin'when you're livin'in living color Go, go, go, gogo, go, go, go Go, go, go, gogo, go, go, go Go, go, go, gogo, go, go, go Go, go, go, go [With Woman.]
Over, under and through the loop.
Oh, look at Mama's little baby! Ah, aren't you adorable? - [Doorbell Rings.]
- I'll get it.
Hi, I'm Judy.
I responded to your personal ad.
- You must be Lonnie.
- Yeah, I'm, uh, Lonnie.
He's Lonnie.
That's my baby.
He wrote the whole personal ad himself.
- Isn't that just sweet? - Yeah.
- Oh, now go on and ask the girl to come in, Lonnie.
- Uh, would you come in, please? Sure.
Did you ever see such an adorable little baby? Oh.
Okay, well, I'm gonna leave you two alone now, all right? Okay.
Say bye-bye to Mommy.
Come on.
[Speaking Baby Gibberish.]
[Gibberish Continues.]
Sweet, sweet sweetie! [Laughs.]
Uh, why don't we sit down, Judy? Okay.
Yeah, sure.
[Exhales.]
So, Lonnie, what do you do? Well, my mom got me a job where she works, in her office.
.
.
but what I really want to be is like a.
.
.
like a fireman.
.
.
- Mmm.
- Or a cowboy.
.
.
- or like a big giant robot! - [Laughs.]
Oh, you're funny, Lonnie.
Yeah, I like a guy with a sense of humor.
[Sighs.]
Oh.
- That's mine.
- It's really nice.
- Do you collect these? - I said that's mine.
I'm sorry.
Uh.
.
.
So, can I offer you something to drink? Yeah, sure.
Okay.
Cheers.
Come on.
Let's race.
- I beat you! [Gasping.]
- [Laughs.]
So.
.
.
So, what are you up for? Uh, movies? Uh, dancing? Oh, dancing! Look, I'm gonna play my favorite song.
[Man.]
One little, two little three little Indians [Singing Along.]
Four little, five little six little Indians Seven little, eight little nine little Indians Ten little Indian boys [Whooping.]
[Laughing.]
Oh, no! Lonnie! You're.
.
.
You're fun, you know? Most guys I date are so serious.
[Sighs, Smacks Lips.]
So.
.
.
So, what do you want to do now? - Suck.
- Lonnie! Don't you think that's moving a little too fast? Lonnie, no! Gosh.
[Sniffling.]
- [Wails.]
- Oh, look, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Lonnie.
[Sobbing.]
You wouldn't.
.
.
Would you give me a hug? Oh, sure.
[Sneezes.]
You know.
.
.
[Sighs.]
Lonnie, it's really kind of refreshing to meet a man.
.
.
who's not afraid to cry.
Do you mind if I slip into something more comfortable? - Maybe we can go for a walk.
- Okay.
It's a great idea.
- Okay.
I'll be right back.
- Okay.
- Ready! - Oh, my God.
- Well, come on.
Let's go! - What is that smell? Uh-oh.
I think I made a smelly.
- I'm out of here.
- Well.
.
.
Well, wait a minute.
Come on.
Wait for me, girl! [Man Singing.]
[Woman Vocalizing.]
[Whistle Blows.]
Help! Help me! Somebody, help me! - Shut up, granny! - Girl, you better up this purse.
[Man Singing.]
Yo, what the hell is that? Hold it right there, fellas.
I smell injustice.
Phew! - Oh, no! It's Super Bimbo.
- That's right.
I'm Super Bimbo.
.
.
model, actress.
.
.
and defender of, um, stuff! I tell you what.
You come one more step closer, and this old lady gets it.
I swear.
You better give it up, punk,before she uses her superpowers.
Me? Oh, right, yeah.
Yeah, my superpowers.
Um.
.
.
[Giggles.]
Um, do you know anything about, like.
.
.
[Gasps.]
cars and stuff? I'm having a lot of trouble with my Miata.
I put the key in the right hole, but nothing happens.
Oh, well.
.
.
[Chuckles.]
Did you press the gas first, baby? Oh, God! What's that? [Giggles.]
Is that one of those foot thingies? Oh, yeah.
[Chuckles.]
See, what you gotta do is.
.
.
No, no, man.
No, man.
Don't listen to her, man.
She's bombarding you with her helpless slut ray, man.
Where does the gas go? The gas go all the way up in there.
Hey, man.
I got to stop this.
Man.
.
.
Hey, man! Hey! Hey, stand back, mister, or you'll be sorry.
I know I have it in here somewhere.
Ah! All right.
Let that old lady go, or I use my super hold.
I will! [Gasps.]
Lasts all day and holds beautifully.
- [Giggles.]
- Yo, man.
Look what she did to me, man! - You got to stop her.
Take her down! - Hey, man.
- What you want me to do? - I know what you should do.
- Let her go, or you're next.
- Okay.
A'ight.
A'ight, Super Bimbo.
If a train leaves Chicago at 12:30, and it's going 27 miles an hour.
.
.
- Oh, no.
Not math! - Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
- Stop! Somebody stop him! - Take this! And if cashews are $4.
98 a pound, and peanuts are 79 cents a pound.
.
.
- and Johnny only has $1.
25.
.
.
- Oh, God.
No! I'm losing power.
How could you? I'm a bimbo! Come on, Super Bimbo.
Just think of the problems in terms of simple fractions.
Shut up! If I could only get to my secret weapons.
See anything you like, big boy? Don't look, man!She's hypnotizing you! You're getting sleepier.
- Uh-huh.
- Hey, man.
Snap out of it, man! Don't look at her implants, man! Oh, Joey, man! You booby-trapped! Oh.
I love you, Super Bimbo.
- Come home with me, please.
- Really? [Snickers.]
Okay.
- Thanks, Super Bimbo.
- You're welcome.
And, listen, call me.
No matter where you are, no matter how far, just call my name.
I'll be there in a hurry, and that you can depend and never worry.
Did I say that right? Get a job, Super Bimbo.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Hey, man.
Don't leave me here! [Hip-hop.]
[Man.]
It's the DefJam Comedy Hour.
.
.
with the deffest, the dopest,the freshest, the nastiest.
.
.
the stank-bootiest young black comicson the scene today.
Uh-uh.
But you know what I can't stand? I can't stand a man that don't wash his ass.
[Laughing, Cheering.]
[Man.]
Yeah!The DefJam Comedy Hour.
.
.
where the best part of the showis in the audience.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait.
You ever wipe a booger on the wall.
.
.
and the booger look at you and say, "What's up, y'all?" And then she like.
.
.
[Bleeps.]
But, see, you didn't 'cause she.
.
.
[Bleeps.]
You know what I'm sayin'? [Bleeps.]
That's all I'm sayin'.
[Man.]
So move over, Showtime at the Apollo.
.
.
because the DefJam Comedy Hour is in your face.
- [Screams.]
- [Explosion.]
[Explosion.]
That's what I'm sayin'.
'Cause I leave 'em smokin', you know what I'm sayin'? I leave 'em smokin'.
I got 'em smokin' in here, "G"! [Man.]
DefJam Comedy Hour.
Check it out! [Man.]
Welcome to Juicemania.
.
.
the show that takes a lookat the wonderful world ofjuice.
This week.
.
.
theJuice Weasel.
And now, here's your host,Gordy Langston! - Hi, everybody! - [Cheering.]
Are you as excited as I'm being paid to be? We've been paid too! Oh, that's all right, and it's also incredible! Hey, let's bring out today's host.
.
.
the incredible, most amazing guest we've ever had.
.
.
JuicyJay Corners! - [Cheering.]
- Come on! Wow! Wow! Wow! JuicyJay, that was an incredible feat of strength.
Thank you, Gordy.
I took my whole family on long trips like this.
Wow.
Wow, man.
Where's your family now, Jay? They're all dead.
I outlived 'em all.
That's the beauty of theJuice Weasel.
Wow.
That's incredible, huh, audience? - You! Come on up here.
- Me? Come on up! - You seem like a healthy young man.
How old are ya? - I'm 21.
- Twenty-one, huh? - Yes.
[Grunts.]
He's 21, but I'm still standin'.
I found the secret of eternal life.
I looked into God's eyes, and you know what I saw? - TheJuice Weasel.
- Hey, folks! Can you tell me what time it is? [With Audience.]
Time tojuice! [Chanting.]
Juice! Juice! Juice! Juice! [Chanting Continues.]
Gordy, that's how much organic matter you need every day.
Now, you could eat it in that form.
.
.
but sooner or later, you're gonna get tired of wiping your butt.
Another problem is fruit.
How do you get at it? Look! What do I do with it? You need to be a NASA scientist to get inside that thing.
Have you ever tried to drink a raw carrot, Gordy? [Gagging.]
It can't be done.
Wow, I get it.
Now, that's where theJuice Weasel comes in.
Yes! TheJuice Weasel separates the fiber from the juice.
.
.
saving only the most essential elements.
That's the beauty of my design, Gordy.
- I want you to try something.
- Sure, Jay.
- A little concoction I made before the show.
- Okay.
[Gags.]
Ew! Ew, that tastes like somebody's dirty undershorts.
- Not just somebody's, Gordy.
They're mine.
- [Coughs.]
But, see, the undershorts are gone.
All that's left is the life-giving juice.
- That's incredible! - Isn't that great? Isn't that great? [Audience Applauding.]
See, people like to eat the bad stuff and throw away the good stuff.
Look at this celery, Gordy.
Look at it! - Where does it come from? - Uh, the dirt, Jay? - No, the soil.
- [Gasps.]
You see, the soil is the most important thing on earth.
That is Mother Earth giving us our gifts.
All life emanates from the soil.
It emanates, Gordy! See? So, what I do is knock out the middle man.
You got all the minerals you need right here.
- That's gonna be beautiful, Gordy.
- Sure is.
Right, guys? Hell with them! You know.
.
.
another question people ask me, Gordy, is.
.
.
"Jay, what am I gonna do about my finances? Groceries are too expensive.
" [Mumbling.]
Oh, ya son of a.
.
.
You know? I could just go off on 'em.
I'd love to juice them sometime, you know? Just put their hand in there.
.
.
- We can't do that, can we, Jay? - [Imitates Grinding.]
You know? But, uh.
.
.
But theJuice Weasel can take yesterday's leftovers.
.
.
and turn them into today's smoothie.
Sounds pretty good to me.
[Chuckles.]
But what do you mean, Jay? Well, here's a little bag of garbage I took off my neighbor's lawn.
- Most people throw eggshells away.
- [Grinding.]
Bad mistake.
- Oh, look at this, Gordy.
We got lucky.
- Hey, wait a minute.
We got lucky.
See? You know, when I see people throwing stuff like this away.
.
.
it just makes me want to scream.
Oh, come on now.
Insects? Don't ever question me, Gordy.
I know a lot more about nutrition than you do.
All right.
That's just about ready.
- Okay.
Now, watch this, Gordy.
- Okay, Jay.
[Man Chanting.]
Juice! Juice! Juice! Juice! [With Audience.]
Juice! Juice! Juice! Juice! [Exhales, Grunts.]
Notice anything different, Gordy? Uh, no.
What, uh, Jay? I'm invisible! Oh.
Oh, oh, right.
Yeah, that's incredible.
L-I thought you were talking about something else.
[Chuckles.]
Who are you talking to, Gordy? I'm over here! Wow.
That's incredible, isn't it, audience? You think that's great.
.
.
Oh, look.
Look! - Oh, the vegetables are flyin' by themselves.
- Ooh.
- Oh, great.
- If you think that's great, Gordy, wait till you see me fly.
Wait a minute.
Uh, Jay.
.
.
Wait a minute.
- That's not in the script.
Jay.
.
.
- I can fly.
I swear I can.
- Uh, uh, Leon, stop tape.
- I can fly! - Wait.
What? Jay? Jay.
Jay! - I can fly! Oh, my God! He jumped out the window! Stop tape! - Oh, he jumped! Jay, are you all right? - [Thuds.]
It's getting dark.
I'm feeling strangely peaceful.
Oh, my God.
Jay,do we need a priest? No, Gordy.
Just give me the juice.
[Exhales, Smacks Lips.]
Could you pour some of that on my joints, Gordy? [Groans.]
[Exhales.]
I feel much better now, Gordy.
That proves one thing to me.
- There's a time to laugh.
.
.
- A time to cry.
.
.
- A time to live.
.
.
- [Together.]
And a time to juice! Tonight we have from Elektra Entertainment.
.
.
one of the dopest emcees, Grand Puba.
Performing "360, What Goes Around Comes Around.
" Yeah.
Say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hey.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hey.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hey.
Yo, check it out.
Let's resonate for the day as we parlay live and direct for Living Color.
We got my man Stud Doogie in the house.
Big Jeff's in the house.
Big up for people in D.
C.
You know what I'm sayin'? Live and direct with Living Color.
- Big Jeff, check it out.
Check it out.
Check it out.
- Stud Doogie, is ya with me? - Say what, Alamo? - Is ya with me? Hey, yo, check this one out.
Livin'Color, is ya with me? Yeah.
We'll set it off finally.
Word up.
Check it out as we parlay right about now.
[Rapping.]
[Rapping Continues.]
[Rapping Continues.]
[Ends.]