Kickin' It (2011) s04e05 Episode Script

Finding the person to run my new smoothie bar is something I take very seriously.
Rudy, this is amazing.
It's not gonna happen, Ted.
Get out.
Rudy, what was wrong with that guy? He just wasn't right.
You can't hire just anyone who walks in off the street.
Hi, I'm Connie Hey, Connie.
You're hired.
Let's do lunch.
I'm done with my costume for Hero Con.
What do you think? I think it's a little too tight.
- Why? - Because I can see that you had two carrot sticks and a meatball for lunch.
Uh, excuse me, who are you? Jerry, it's me, Milton.
I'm wearing this outfit for the best new superhero Contest at Hero Con.
- Oh, yeah.
I heard of that.
That's where a bunch of nerds walk around the convention center in tights wondering why they can't get dates.
That is not true.
We know exactly why we can't get dates.
The winner of this year's contest will have his character featured in a comic by the legendary Don Mills.
What makes you think you're gonna win? 'Cause I have the coolest exit ever.
Laser Blade out! (Coughing) Laser Blade out cold.
- (Rock music playing) - Don't you get all tough with me I'm saying won't you come kick it with me? and we could have a ball, run up the wall that's just how we do and no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you here we go, let's start the party chop it up like it's karate everybody won't you come kick it with me? and we could have a ball, run up the wall that's just how we do and no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Milton, what's wrong? I have to go to my aunt Gertie's birthday party on Saturday.
Oh, Gertie.
Yeah, she's the aunt who gives you the big wet slobbering mouth kisses.
She's the one.
I'll go for you.
No, the problem is Hero Con is on Saturday.
It's on Friday too.
Just skip school.
Would you keep your voice down? Do you want me to go to jail? (Chuckles nervously) Just two guys talking about not skipping anything.
No, it's easy, Milton.
Look, I have an app on my phone that lets me sound like a worried mother.
Let me just record a message and then we'll call the principal.
(Clears throat) This is Doris Krupnick.
Milton has the mumps and won't be in school tomorrow.
We're very worried about him.
Boo-hoo boo-hoo boo-hoo.
This is never gonna work.
Pipe down, you big wuss.
(Phone ringing) Principal: Principal Cooper.
Motherly voice: This is Doris Krupnick.
Milton has the mumps and won't be in school tomorrow.
We're very worried about him.
(Sobbing) Principal: I had the mumps once, and it was no fun.
Motherly voice: Aw, pipe down, you big wuss.
(Phone beeps) Hey come on! Uh, hey.
I'm Jack.
This is my lab station.
- Who are you? - Taylor.
I've been assigned to be your lab partner.
I've just transferred here from the Swathmore Academy.
Oh.
Swathmore.
You're at Seaford now.
We may not be as fancy, but we are every bit just as smarter.
You know you just put your hand inside a dead frog, right? Yes, I do.
Frog's still dead, miss Bonnermeyer.
Let's just do this, okay? We start with 15 drops of bromium.
And One.
And Two.
Seriously? Three.
Okay, that's it.
Daddy's gonna drive.
What was that? You didn't even measure it.
We're in the ballpark, Swathmore.
Now we just need one scoop of sulfate.
Oh, oh.
I got this.
But you know what? Let's do it your way.
Hey.
You learn quick.
That what I'm talking nice driving, daddy.
Oh-ho! There he is.
Skipping school for Hero Con.
Seaford's newest bad boy.
I've changed, Jerry.
I really am a bad boy.
Last night, I didn't sleep in my pajamas.
Only my underpants.
And my t-shirt.
And my wooly socks.
And my mother's leg warmers.
Dude, you sure you want to wear your costume on the bus? You know, people might mess with you.
I know I would.
I have to wear my costume.
I can't risk anybody recognizing me outside of school.
But don't worry, I'm packing my proton sword from the planet Zoomax.
Oh, I also have my tweety help-me whistle.
(Tweets) I still remember you blowing that thing when the nurse was combing out your cowlick on picture day.
Ow! (Grunts) (Tweets) One day, I will avenge my cowlick.
But until then, Laser Blade away! That one's locked.
Laser Blade away! I don't know where the swingin' swordfish is.
You think there'd be a sign around here somewhere.
(Slow motion) No! (Grunts) Thank you.
Thank you.
You saved my life.
This little costumed freak saved my life.
Who are you? I, uh I I'm the Laser Blade.
Laser Blade away! Oh, come on, people.
Superhero trying to make an away here.
Gah! (Chuckles) Connie, look, you are doing great.
It's just that another customer found a scrunchie in their smoothie.
You know what? I don't like your attitude.
I quit.
I'm gonna go get a smoothie.
Wait.
You work at a smoothie bar.
I wouldn't drink these.
You have no idea the things I've lost in some of them.
You know what? Fine.
Go ahead and quit.
Who needs you? Hey, Con.
It's Rudy.
Yeah, I heard your job didn't quite work out, so I guess you're free Friday night.
Fine! Who needs you? Blueberry up, raspberry up, and one mango surprise.
We don't have any mango.
That's what makes it a surprise.
I'm sorry, who are you? Taylor.
I'm your new smoothie girl.
But I know how much you were paying Connie, and I want double.
Yeah, okay.
Wait, how did you know how much Connie was making? I didn't.
But you just told me.
Thanks, boss.
Wow.
That is amazing.
Tell it to the tip jar, hon.
Yep.
Do you have change for a nickel? Yeah, no no no.
Just keep the change.
Ooh, ooh, Jack.
Hey.
I finally hired someone who knows what she's doing.
You are going to love her.
Taylor.
Jack.
Rudy.
That's a weird game.
No, no.
No, can't do it.
Dude dude dude dude dude.
What you did in the courtyard was amazing.
The paper's offering a $500 reward if the Laser Blade comes forward to reveal himself.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
I was home with the mumps.
The mumps, I tell you! You're a superhero, okay? Which means you need a sidekick.
That could be me.
Whenever we catch a criminal, I go "Whoo!" Think about it.
We'd be Laser Blade and Whoo man.
What? If word gets out that I'm the Laser Blade, I'll get detention.
Then I'll fall in with the wrong crowd, and before you know it, I'm rocking an orange onesie in the big house, and combing the lice out of my cellmate's back hair! Milton, we're talking about $500, bro.
I can't risk getting caught.
I couldn't even go to Hero Con to meet my idol Don Mills, because Laser Blade is too famous.
Well, now Laser Blade is dead.
No one's ever gonna see him again.
(Stammers) Well fine! Yeah, I don't need you.
I'll go out on my own! Yeah, my father raised me to be a strong, independent Whoo man.
Okay.
Now I hear it.
Citizens of Seaford, you all know me as the Laser Blade.
But the man beneath the mask is a righteous, humble, selfless hero.
Jerry Martinez! (Gasps) (Silent) Now, where's my 500 bucks? Kickin' it with you! Look, I'm glad I was able to save you, but I've already signed Oh, this one's not for me.
It's for my nephew.
He's a big fan.
Fine.
What's his name? Barbara Margaret Sparkle.
Ow! (Yelps) What do you think you're doing? Well, if you're not gonna take credit for being the Laser Blade, why shouldn't I? Because it's dishonest, disloyal, deceitful, conniving and manipulative.
Whoa, dude.
That's a lot of big words flying at me pretty fast.
I'm gonna tell people the truth.
What? That you skipped school? Enjoy doing time in the big house.
Oh, I can't believe you betrayed me and lied to all these people for $500.
I didn't just do it for the money.
I'm not that shallow.
I also did it for the fame.
Yeah, in fact, "the Seaford Bugle" is doing a photo shoot of me tomorrow.
Jerry, you're a total fake and you're taking advantage of all these people.
(Gasps) How dare you? I don't need to stand here and listen to this.
Laser Blade away! Where to, Laser Blade? Where the dark ugly shadows of crime lurk? Uh, actually I was thinking more like the pizza parlor.
You heard him, boys.
Away! (All chanting) Laser Blade! Laser Blade! (Grunts) Surfing the lightning, surfing the lightning Surfing the lightning Surfing the lightning, surfing the lightning.
What do you think you're doing? What I do every day.
Making myself a workout smoothie.
Little bit of carrots, little bit of cucumber, some wheat grass, and while I wait for that, take a nice big healthy shot of whipped cream.
- (Air hisses) - You want some? Give me that.
This is my juice bar.
Well, your juice bar is in my dojo.
Well, your hand is in a piece of pie.
I have got to stop leaning in dramatically.
No no no no no no no no.
That's my cashmere scarf.
This this will never come out.
It's ruined.
Ow.
Chill out, Swathmore.
I'm pretty sure a rich girl like you can afford another stupid scarf.
Rich? You think I'm a juice jockey because it's fun? My dad's company went out of business, and I have to help my family out.
Oh yeah? Well, I did not know that when I was being mean to you.
You know what? I'll get a job somewhere else.
Forget it.
Tell Rudy I quit.
Ooh! Isn't this exciting? - The Blade's photo shoot.
- Hello, Seaford! The hero up there looking down on us, the helpless hordes.
Especially you, hon.
(Sighs) All right, here's what I'm thinking.
I want to look humble, but way better than everyone else.
Right.
Getting it.
Great.
Loving it.
Not as good.
Bad.
Hate it.
Love it again.
Dude, I'm not feeling it.
Ahh you know what this needs is a little danger.
Let's get the Seaford skyline behind me.
Whoa, careful.
There's no railing there.
Railing? I'm a superhero, bro.
I don't need any rail (Screams) (All gasp) The Blade's gonna fall! Somebody better help him.
Excuse me.
He's a superhero.
I'm pretty sure he doesn't need help.
Help! Help! I need lots of help! Oh.
Look at that.
(Camera shutter clicks) (Gasps) Jerry, hang on.
I'm coming.
Oh man, oh man, oh man.
Come on, Laser Blade.
Save yourself! Why don't you come up here and save yourself, lady! Do not let go! Oh, really? I hadn't thought of that.
Milton, hurry up.
I'm slipping.
- (Screams) - (Gasps) (Yelps) Hey.
I really can fly.
I'm a superhero.
Whoo aah! The cape's ripping, Jerry.
I'm about to die and all you care about is your stupid costume?! I don't care about the cape, you lug nut.
- (Screams) - Don't move.
Don't plan on it.
(Panting) It's a geek! It's a dork! It's Super Nerd! Thank you.
Laser Blade, what happened up there? I thought you were the hero.
Uhh Wearing a costume doesn't make you a hero.
Okay, the truth is I found this costume in the garbage and I put it on.
And I would take it off right now if I had anything on underneath it.
Dude, that's my costume.
Your costume? Yes.
I am the Laser Blade.
(Gasps) Dude, you know this means you're gonna get detention for cutting class.
Yes, and It was wrong.
But at least now the world knows the truth.
That I, Milton Krupnick, have a secret identity.
Laser Blade away! Don't worry, I'm going.
You know what? The good news is I never have to see you again.
Except on the bus, and science, and of course home room and math, and our lockers are look, Taylor.
Look, I'm really sorry about yesterday.
So I got you something.
Here.
(Sighs) A cashmere scarf.
That was That was really nice of you.
I got you something too.
Really? What is it? It's your ceremonial black belt.
After our fight yesterday, I may have accidentally put it on puree For seven minutes.
Anyway, goodbye.
Hang on.
We're never gonna see eye-to-eye because you and I because you walk around here like a big sweaty baboon, carrying your boo stick? It's a Bo staff.
When I heard you were from Swathmore, I may have misjudged you.
And I want to let you know that it's not that I don't like you because you came from money.
I don't like you because you're annoying.
I'm annoying? Admitting it is a great first step.
Oh.
Ah And what you're doing for your family, it's really cool.
Would you consider coming back? I might be able to do that.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but you might be a little nicer than I thought.
Ooh.
(Chuckles) And you know, I could I could really use the money.
You used my tip money to buy the scarf, didn't you? Cashmere's ridiculously expensive.
Kickin' it with you! So why are you so worried about your friend Milton? I don't know.
He's never had detention before.
I don't know if he's gonna survive it.
I loved it! Detention was awesome.
Three extra glorious hours of school.
It gave me a chance to do my homework, then some of the nicest delinquents you'd ever want to meet let me do theirs.
(Both chuckle) Yo, Milton.
Here you go.
What's this? Well, I tracked down Don Mills and I told him how the Super Nerd rescued me from the water tower.
He was so impressed he made you this.
- Dude, that is awesome.
- That's so cool.
- No way.
- I know the perfect place for this.
Jerry, why'd you do this for me? What I did was wrong, bro.
I shouldn't have taken credit for something you did.
Thanks, Jerry.
Hey, guys.
Check it out.
It's picture day, Johnny.
And you've got a cowlick.
Aw, but I like my cowlick.
It makes me special.
I'll comb the special right out of you.
(Laughs) Ohh, is there no one that can help me? Don't worry, jonny.
I'll get you out of this hairy situation.
I'll use my calcu-laser.
(Gasps) (Shouts) I guess miss kippler's plan just didn't add up.