Lost Girl (2010) s04e05 Episode Script

Your blood has spoken.
You have chosen a side.
- What side? - You are dark.
Bull-shit.
There's no freaking way I'm Dark Fae.
Bo.
Succubus.
Unaligned.
It's kinda my brand.
Our gargoyle read your blood.
You have joined the Dark.
Funny, you'd think I'd remember betraying everything I've ever stood for.
A mystery for you, Youngling and he who led the Dark during your absence.
- Vex? - We, however, are satisfied.
- You may take your leave.
- Oh, may I? Buddy, this is my town.
If anyone's taking a leave, it's you and your circle-jerk of doom And if you see the human Doctor or that terrorist pet of yours tell them we will see them soon.
- What did you say? - They are enemies of the Fae.
- Their deaths will be most painful.
- And there it is.
What kind of boomerang bitch are you? Strike at the Una Mens and you shall be your own victim.
For now, aligned Succubus, a choice: Pay fealty to the leader of the Dark at once or die.
Are you adequately juiced? Those Una Mens assholes pack quite a wallop.
And with Dyson out of town, I gotta find some way to recharge the double Ds.
The batteries.
My batteries.
Anyway, I just want to find the Wanderer and get this cleared up.
You think the Wanderer is behind the ol' "whoops I tripped and accidentally joined club evil?" Has to be.
He takes me against my will, wipes my memory, and when I get home I'm Dark Fae? And I'll tell you who else is tied up in this Vex-meister General? Una Mens says he's deep in da bullcacky.
He's the new leader of Los Dark Douchebags.
But we were such good mascara buddies.
Although he did send Clio to kinda scalp you.
Well, I'm gonna put the boots to Vex until he tells me where - the Wanderer is and how I kill him.
- Wait up, Dyson is still? - Looking for Lauren.
Yeah.
- Glad to see your love life finally got less complicated.
- He has to find her.
- He will.
- And she has to be okay.
- She will.
- I love you, Sassafraz.
- I know.
Now serving 69! No duh.
Oh, look.
If you're Dark, does that mean I'm Dark too? Cuz I'm gonna need like, a serious image upgrade.
We should talk clothing allowance Trust me.
We won't be Dark for long.
Ahem.
Now serving 69.
- Right.
- Now serving 69.
I'm dark? Bo! I am so glad you could finally join us.
Life is hard when you don't know who you are It's harder when you don't know what you are.
My love carries a death sentence.
I was lost for years Searching, while hiding.
Only to find out that I belonged to a world hidden from humans.
I won't hide anymore.
I will live the life I choose.
4x05 - Let the Dark Times Roll Both: I thought you were dead! Surprise! And colour me shocked imagine, the unaligned Succubus finally yanking her head out from between her shapely legs and coming over to the only side that matters.
Well it wasn't by choice, lady.
And I'm having it annulled, soon as you give me Vex.
Vex? Since when is that pervert capable of anything above the belt.
He imprisoned your brassy beaver.
Right: Vex bad.
Vex mesmer poop.
Sweetie, if it's Vex you want, come to my Dark Ceilidh this aft.
Dark kale-y? What is that code for vegetable enema.
A Dark Ceilidh is like a Light Fae party except with more - everything! - Everything except a Succubus.
Thanks, but I'll catch up to Vex on my own.
Look, if you were hoodwinked into joining the Dark, you can get out of it simply by showing proof.
- Really? - The bad news is you have to show proof before the first full moon since you joined.
- That's tonight.
- Oh, right.
Well, there's no time to dawdle then, is there? - Feel free to bring your human pet.
- I'm not a pet.
I will never be anyone's pet, nor will any human.
See? Already getting the hang of being Dark.
Really? I mean, shut up.
Show up in whatever makes you comfortable.
Though there is one thing you might consider wearing for once.
- What's that? - A smile.
Oh brother.
Just get me something, anything on this Wanderer, Wai Lin, and we'll do dinner.
Just dinner.
How dare you enter my private quarters without invitation.
That is a big knife for a bartender.
Depends on the bar.
You've been summoned by the Una Mens for a personal inquisition so get your story straight.
- Which story.
- Your life story.
Wow! You said "Dark" Fae, right? "Please plant a tree in honour of our future" Tree huggers? Bad swag? Not a UFC fighter in sight? This is the worst Dark Fae party we've ever been to.
This is the only Dark Fae party we've ever been to.
And the only one we're ever going to.
Well then I best embrace my bad-girl.
'Scuse me.
Mhm.
Dark side for life! Yeah! Okay well, Swizzlesticks do not let them poke out your eye.
There she is, the guest of honour! Look at you, all edgy and shit.
You sure know how to grab the spotlight.
Have you tried the buffet? - There is something for everyone - A human buffet? I bet this one starts with vanilla and has a long, smoky finish.
Leave here at once.
And take your friends with you.
Dismissing the food? Kind of gauche, no? That's why there's no way I'm Dark.
Please.
We're no different from the Light.
Did I get judgey on you just now? Yes! - But I'm already over it.
- Oh! My day is saved.
Because there's a refreshing lack of hypocrisy with us.
We're honest about what we are, Bo.
- So why aren't you? - I know who I am.
You're a luscious Succubus who's true nature is to feed off humans like the rest of us Fae.
You just choose not to.
Lame; but whatevs.
You've got great hair.
Is that why everyone's looking at me? Oh.
They're delighted that you've found your true home.
They're happy for you.
The Dark Fae is not my home, and I'm not here to make you look good in front of your subjects.
I just want to ask Vex how I ended up pledged to you goons.
- So where is he? - Oh.
Somewhere.
I don't know.
You're going to have to look for him.
You said he'd be here.
No, I said if you wanted him, you'd have to come to the party.
And now that you're here, I'm gonna give you every resource in order for you to hunt him down.
Well, I'll just collect my gift bag and be on my way.
The Una Mens is cramping my style, and they want every human that you love very, very dead.
I can protect my friends.
Una Mens won't leave town until all loose ends are tied up.
- And Vex is the loosest end of all.
- Why is that? 'Cause he's vanished and somehow pissed them off.
I need to find him.
And apparently you need to find him too.
I'd call that kismet.
Well, I'd call it kiss my ass while I walk away - and do this on my own terms.
- You're Dark now, Bo.
That means I'm not only your boss, but I'm your friend.
And I wanna prove to you how good a friend I can be.
We call to order the inquisition of Fitzpatrick McCorrigan.
A question asked, an answer given.
The result will carry great weight in determining your future.
Have you brought a second? - I take care of my own affairs.
- So be it.
How did you come to be here in the colonies? Would you believe I took a wrong turn at Morocco? I guess we have a lot to talk about.
Yeah, I guess we should.
Oh boy this dress is incredible.
- Let's get you out of it.
- Stat.
Ooh, Doctor talk! - Uh Mini quiche? - Get.
Out.
Are you maybe just leave the tray.
A humble Lakin Chan opens a bar and gains some prominence.
People do enjoy a stiff drink.
The Dal Riata was declared a place of sanctuary.
It gained you influence with the Light and the Dark.
I keep my nose out of Fae politics.
You must know how the Una Mens came to be.
After the Great Fae War, there was a rebellion.
Fae rebels trying to overturn the blood laws of the Blood King.
Why was that? He became corrupt.
But a peace was offered, if The King would relinquish power to a council made up of those willing to sacrifice their individual flaws and desires.
And souls.
To form a single soul without ego or ambition.
The Blood King agreed.
Then he betrayed us.
The six seeds of the sacred papyrus plant were given to six Fae to swallow.
So they might be blessed with new life as a single vessel of humility and justice.
The King stole his seed and vanished.
Absorb the power of the blood mage and the Una Mens will be able to enforce the laws he wrote, unchallenged.
Unchallenged? We would have him take his rightful place among us.
If we might find him.
You said there'd be dancing.
Why do you think we're carbo loading, Footloose? These people don't seem so bad.
What's the difference - between Light and Dark anyway? - Well, the Light are assholes.
And The Dark are assholes who have fun.
Sushi! Mmmm, spicy salmon roll? - Hi, Kenzi.
- Bruce? Bruce I thought you were in Bora Bora! I really didn't want you to see me like this.
My god! Are you a living sushi table? - You're Brushi! - Oooh, special sauce! Hey! No dragon roll for you! - Bruce get up.
- But this is my punishment Get up, Bruce.
Oh, good lord.
Okay.
Okay.
We're gonna get this ginger off you, find you a shirt and some dignity to go with it.
Vera Wang! Oh no.
What.
Is.
Happening?! You didn't think the Dark legitimately - pays for stuff like this, did you?! - Bad sushi everyone! They read their vows in iambic pentameter.
So lovely.
Move it, people! We really do have a lot to talk about We should do that sometime I wanted to find you I had to go Bo, I'm just so glad that you're here.
Why are you here? Vex somehow worked with the Wanderer to turn me Dark.
You're Dark??? I just I came here to find Vex to reverse it.
And I just never imagined God, I've been worried sick about you.
And here you are, chilling with the Morrigan Not chilling so much as hiding in terror from the Una Mens.
- Thanks to the Morrigan.
- Of course, I wanna hear what the hell happened And I wanna tell you.
But right now it sounds like you need to get going.
Oh, in a second.
Booorrr-ing! What's next, are you going to braid each other's hair? Scissor already! If we'd wanted an audience, we would've charged admission.
And at this rate, I would have asked for a refund.
Fine.
Back to business, I suppose.
- I'll leave you two - No, I want you to hear this.
Bo I will give you the means to run down Vex if you give me your blood oath to bring him to me.
Lets hear what the means is, first.
I'm so freaking excited to be working with you! Why don't we just invite the waiter back in? No.
No.
Only those who need to know.
- I guess that makes me? - Essential.
Bo's gonna need a drug to make Vex powerless and compliant.
It's gonna need a certain Doctor's, mmm, touch.
- So what's the plan? - We're going on a mission! Evony's Angels! I'll give you a few moments to collect yourselves.
Come along, scavenger.
- A few minutes isn't a lot of time.
- Waste not, want not.
This is the most amazing day it's like a dream come true! Being on an actual assignment with Bo, the insanely hot Succubus, and Lauren the genius Doctor! I get to be part of something instead of having to devour sloppy seconds! - Ew.
- She's a scavenger Fae.
- I just peed myself a little.
- Wow.
Great to have on board, Pietra, but what are we doing here? Wait.
What? Right! I've heard the most totally shocking things about Vex.
With the Una Mens and the Morrigan after him, and all his assets frozen, he's been sticking to the shadows, and all his assets frozen, he's been sticking to the shadows, hunted, haunted, broken.
Guess what he's been doing for cash? He's hookering! - Do you need help? - Nope, all good.
Just stay right there.
He's been dying to flee town.
But the Una Mens poison is binding him to the territory.
That's why he needs this! - The Scimitar of Cronus.
- It's the only way to cut out the poison! He thinks I'm stealing it form in exchange for taking me when he runs and giving me all his "leftover feeds.
" But it's a total sting operation.
Where are you giving this blade to Vex? I don't know yet.
But he'll call when he's ready.
Well, I can't wait for him to drunk dial.
Well, I can't wait for him to drunk dial.
- I need Vex before moonrise.
- Oh god, I'm failing you.
- I need Vex before moonrise.
- Oh god, I'm failing you.
No, Pietra, you're doing great.
Where was the last place you saw Vex? Under the old railway bridge in the East end.
Well that's by the gym that Dyson moved into.
- Vex is hiding near his arch enemy? - No one would suspect it.
But we could get Dyson to sniff him out.
Actually, Dyson is away looking for you.
Oh.
Well if Dyson's absent, that's even better for Vex.
He'll feel completely safe right now.
But he would still be hiding.
And in that area any Dark Fae on the street would attract a lot of attention.
That's right, any Dark Fae would attract attention.
Are you ready for some real action, Pietra? Yeah! Let's do this! Okay.
So as punishment for helping me, you were given to another Fae as property? I'm the slave of Kai the Makishi.
Kai is really mean.
But you sent me all those postcards.
You were clam diving all day and hula hoop golfing at night.
Hula hoop golf isn't a thing, is it.
I didn't want you to worry about me.
- Well now I'm worried, Bruce! - Well we can help you.
Right? Yes! Yes, we can help you! - How do we help you? - Get another Fae to master me I guess.
- Master you? - It's much worse than it sounds.
- Any Fae? - Yeah.
And does anything bad happen to someone who Masters you? They become completely responsible for me until my punishment is fulfilled.
I take up a lot of space.
Space is cheap when you're squatting.
Alright, blondie Oh yeah.
Underwater sponge gardening? - Not a thing.
- I knew it.
Hi everybody, I'm Tamsin, wooo! Anyway, I'm just gonna master all over that big guy Bruce over there! So Kai, wherever you are, up yours you big dong-head! Oh! Now it's a party a challenge has been made.
The current holder of the burden has the right to defend their property.
Duelists, step forward! Oh, Swizzlesticks.
- What's in the needle? - Nectar of violet it's extremely rare, but turns out the Dark Fae have oodles of it in their greenhouse.
Can you imagine? Socrates' original hallucinogenic? Hmm.
Mind.
Blown.
How about that talk? - Talk? - Talk! - Now? - Now! We could be here a while.
Where do you want to start? I dunno.
Our break.
What happened at Taft's.
- Karen - Yeah, who is this Karen person? How we came into the clutches of the Dark Fae Back to this Karen.
Hello? - Wait wait wait - Oh, shit! Of Course.
Vex is too smart to show himself.
Whoa.
He's clearly controlling that woman.
He has to be here somewhere I don't like this Ow!! - Woman down! Woman down! - Pietra! I totally got wounded in action.
This is so awesome.
- Oh god, it hurts! - I'll hurt you if you don't be quiet.
Bo, I go this.
Okay, it's just bruised.
Tell me the truth, Doc, am I gonna lose the leg? No, but you might lose a tongue if you don't be quiet.
- I'll call when I find him! - Bo! You're gonna need this.
For the record? I think you make a great couple.
Bo, my sultry little suckface! Since when did you start doing the Morrigan's dirty work? Since you and the Wanderer tricked me into becoming Dark Fae.
And now you're gonna undo it.
The Wanderer? Oh.
That's a tall tale me mum told to scare me from fiddling with myself in public.
But I haven't got time for stories about bogeyman.
I'm hitting the road, so it's sayonara and see you never.
Sorry to crash your going away party.
But I've given my blood oath to haul your bony ass to the Morrigan.
Hey.
This is a pole-dancer's ass, this is.
So piss off.
Sorry in advance about the goose-egg! Ahhh Swizzlesticks.
Oh, whoa.
God, what was in that syringe? Oh yeah Socrates.
Everything's all pink.
Why am I here? Dyson? Oh, no.
Sorry, luv, Dyson's out chasing his own tail.
Which means you and I can, like, totally hang out.
- Let me go - Oh yeah, by all means.
Oh, what's that, you can't move? Well didn't someone get box-blocked by her ex's pointy thing.
- Oh, look at that, I made a funny! - No, you made a mistake Anyway, you're my leverage.
In case I hit any snags in getting out of Dodge.
No, no, no.
You can't leave No, I can and must, I'm afraid.
After I perform some necessary surgery.
Ohhh, sharp indeed.
Perfect for slitting s Succubus' soft and lovely throat.
My, my.
Not even a spark.
Quite the cocktail that Doctor cooked up.
Lauren and we're back together Lauren and we're back together She got me a really pretty necklace.
It really was just a break.
She got me a really pretty necklace.
It really was just a break.
If you don't stop gushing, I swear I'll slit my own bloody throat.
Wait, yeah! I'm pissed at you for making me join the Dark.
They're gross and they took Lauren and the moon will be up soon.
You really need to tell me how you and Sir Smokes-a-lot tricked me so I can un-join them Me! Me! Me!! It's not all about you, you know.
I swear I can't get out of this town fast enough.
Okay.
You're a Valkyrie.
All you need to cast doubt on her, - and then knee her in the ovaries.
- That doesn't sound very nice.
Look you're dark Fae.
She's dark Fae.
Everything is allowed.
This fight's gonna be a bloody slug fest.
I mean, you're gonna be totally fine, don't worry.
Just protect your face.
Ladies, lords, and lickspittles! It's time to commence the master duel to the death! Tails! Challenger chooses the mode of combat.
What'll it be, honey? - Pistols? Swords? - I just wanna dance! Okay, first time for everything, dance-off it is to the death! Oh that smells disgusting.
Mind you, it's a necessary anesthetic for the self-amputation I'll be performing.
Self ampu-what-now? Oh yeak.
The whole hand has to come off.
Una Mens, bloody fascists.
Well, at least I won't feel a thing.
- Vex don't do anything drastic - Oh no, don't worry about it.
This is a potent potion taught to me by a potent love, - once upon a time.
- You wanna talk love? Look at Lauren I mean, she didn't do a full amputation, - she just took a little break.
- Do you ever shut up about her?! And now the break is over, and we're back together with barely a bruise.
See? Nothing drastic, nothing permanent.
Just hmmm.
- What's that sound? - That is the song of my heart.
- You wanna hear it again? - Oh, yeah.
I'd love to.
Oh, boiling.
Hey, Vex! I never knew you are such an asshole.
Am I right? Yes, yes, all valid points I don't undertake this lightly.
You know, I'm the last mesmer.
My kind were feared for their powers, hunted down and slaughtered through the ages by all the Fae and the manner in which they did it, well You wanna know how? Their hands were cut off.
Mesmers with nothing but stumps, unable to feed.
They died a slow, painful and humiliating death.
I saw it happen to my entire family, my brother, my father and my mother.
I promised myself I would never let that happen to me.
So I did what I had to do to survive and become what I am today.
A servant of the Dark.
I will miss Ginger.
But at least I'll still be able to dance with Fred.
Tamsin! Remember the dance? - Yeah! - Yeah! Whoa! Whoa! Now would be the time to use your power of doubt.
- I don't think I can.
- Just breathe from the diaphragm and clench your butt cheeks.
Do it! I think I clenched my cheeks too hard.
The Valkryie has mastered the disgraced Fae! Well done, our blooming warrior-princess! Chin-chin, luv.
Come get your duds in order cause we're bound across the water Heave away, me jollies, heave away Come get your duds in order 'cause we're bound to leave tomorrow heave my boys, we're all bound away Vex! Vex! I know how alone you are right now.
Out of all the places you could have come to hide you came to Dyson's.
Because somewhere deep in that despicable, black heart of yours, you wanted us to find you! - Did not! - Me, and Kenzi, and even Dyson we're the only family you have left.
ah the concoction is having an adverse affect on this magic mold.
It was supposed to be an anesthetic! Mother-father, it burns! Heave away, me jollies, we're all 'bout away ! Vex! Oh Oh, bollocks.
I should have got the right hand drive.
Vex! Please.
Don't take me back to the Morrigan.
You really only care about yourself, don't you? - What.
And that's bad? - Why should I help you one bit when you won't even tell me how I ended up pledged to the Dark? Because I know jack-shit about it! I thought you were having a laugh.
I thought it was the effect of the syringe.
Actually I thought you were soft in the head.
Ahm No, no, and no.
I really am pledged to the Dark, I really don't know how it happened.
And I really need answers before moonrise.
So, why didn't you just ask the Morrigan's Archivist? Archivist? Yeah, bloke will have all the details at his fingertips.
Are you sure you're not soft in the head? Of course.
Of course she played me.
So, uh everything's good between us, yeah? You're gonna let me go? Because after all, if you take me back to the Morrigan, she'll torture me to death, and I would hate to see that stain your lily white conscience.
Well, I'll take the clutch, and you take the stick, yeah? All right, let's get this over with.
The moon will rise in minutes.
And I know you can tell me what happened.
Where's Vex? Oh.
You mean the annoying brother I kinda hate, never wanted, and is half the mesmer he used to be? Thanks for sending me on a wild goose chase, by the way.
I need all of Vex to get rid of the Una Mens.
You're doing a real solid for all the local Fae by bringing him in.
I won't let you torture and kill him.
Oh.
Honey, honey, honey unlike the Light Fae, we don't hold grudges.
All I care about is getting rid of the Una Mens.
But if you feel that strongly 'bout Vex, you can claim Vex as your responsibility.
And then it'll be on your head to keep him in line.
You ready to put up or shut up? Fine.
Archivist.
Now.
Ooo, you figured it out, I never would have guessed.
Archivist! She's finally getting her Dark shit together! Any pledge to the Dark shows up here.
Thanks? There's your signature.
And there's your sponsor's.
Oh Who's Rainer? - Not a clue.
- Tear this up.
I was obviously tricked.
I have no memory of signing it.
The moon isn't up yet, we still have time.
Oh dear, I'm sorry I really am trying to be more poetic these days when I lie to my friends.
It makes life so much more interesting.
- I'm going to - You're going to nothing.
You are a subject of the Dark now, and you owe me your loyalty.
This declaration is a sacred, binding agreement, and not even I have the power to overturn it.
Only your mystery sponsor can help you with that.
And good luck finding him.
Whoever he is.
That's mine.
- Come and get it.
- You know what, keep it.
I have new toys to entertain me.
Is there anything you wish to add? Only that I hope you've retained some of the soul you once had - Arabella.
- To know us by the names we had before we took our solemn vows is unholy! I know that you turned in your own family for petty crimes - when you became one of the six.
- This is blasphemy.
How could you ask The Blood King to do the same? He'd turned in his own daughter in order to satisfy the rules that he'd created.
And what he created was cruelty.
You mistake orthodoxy for cruelty.
Still, we cannot expect our candidates to be perfect.
With your history, your standing, and your knowledge, you are the only choice.
- Choice? - For acting Ash.
I hate that woman.
Full moon bullshit.
- Turns out I can't un-dark myself.
- There has to be a way.
Ohh.
At least I have you back.
Come on.
Let me take you home and we'll wash away this double-dealing and manipulation in, say, a giant claw-foot bathtub? Besides this ice is gonna melt.
Hey, what's wrong? I don't think that I can go back there.
With the Light.
I don't understand.
When the Una Mens started killing humans, and I ran, the Light never bothered to come looking for me.
But the Dark? They sought me out, offered me protection.
- Lauren - Sure, they were drama queens about it, tested me by forcing me to diagnose one of elders.
But they came when no one else did.
I would have come, but but you couldn't.
I know.
I'm not angry Bo.
With you.
With the Dark, I can come and go as I please.
I'm with them on my terms.
No binding agreements.
There's no dog collar.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but for the first time Bo, I feel free.
But I could free you.
We can be free together! - How? - Fight for you.
Protect you.
- Claim you, if I have to - You mean own me? You're Fae, I'm human.
- So what? - So, I'll always be a prisoner.
The least I can do is choose my own cage.
It's gonna be okay Bo.
Now that you're Dark I'll see you around.
When you're ready to come back to your real family, just say the word.
Not that you're free, Bruce.
Why don't you actually go to Bora Bora.
Or wherever.
Why don't you actually go to Bora Bora.
Or wherever.
Just take off and find yourself.
I don't know.
I've always been the Morrigan's man.
A killer, a protector.
I can't really do anything else.
Maybe not, but you'll never know until you give it a shot, big guy.
Find your wings, Brushi.
Fly.
You know? Bring home a stray puppy, okay.
A wounded bird, fine.
But I never thought I'd see the day when my granddaughter would show up at my doorstep with a one-handed mesmer claiming she threw in with the Dark.
- Is this thing legit? - I believe it is.
You joined the Dark.
But you'll help me figure out how to fix this mess? I hope so, Bo.
But things have gotten complicated.
How? The Una Mens need a caretaker for the Light Fae.
And they've decided to name me the acting Ash.
So my grandfather is the head of the Light? And my granddaughter is the darling of the Dark.
The Una Mens must be loving this.
They don't love.
They don't hate.
No emotions.
What else is there? Rules.
And if you don't follow them willingly they'll do whatever it takes to make you.
And it won't be pleasant.
Our family is such a mess.
Yet somehow, Isabeau, we muddle through.
What about my so-called sponsor? Rainer.
There's only one sure way to find out who he is.
The Kings' Book of Records.
We'll find it.
The Succubus' declaration, as you commanded.
Rainer.
Rainer.
Rainer.
No, it can not be.
Never again!