Nip/Tuck s04e05 Episode Script
Dawn Budge
Previously on Nip / Tuck What I'm having trouble with is getting you out of my mind.
How you touched me.
Monica, I'm married.
We both made a mistake.
I'm committed to getting better and I've found something that I know can help me.
- What? - Scientology.
So who's the mystery woman, Michelle? Her name is James.
I'm indebted to her.
Please, don't tell Burt.
I won't tell him your secret, if you don't tell him mine.
What's your secret? That I made love to his wife before dinner.
The jig is up, sweetheart.
It's time to take your little whore-and-pony show to a different city.
Michelle told me about your escort ring.
We haven't even ordered the wine yet, Dr.
Troy.
Shall we share a bottle of pinot noir? I know we both enjoy the darker varietals.
I don't I don't think I can do this anymore, Christian.
Last week you were seducing me in the operating room.
This is all happening too fast.
I won't deny what we feel because of fear.
And I won't waste time playing games.
Her pussy must have really purred for you, Dr.
Troy.
Of course, Michelle has been known to meow for her customers.
It's why so many came back.
Is her husband aware of your relationship? Burt can't find out about this.
He won't.
Of course he doesn't know.
So it looks like she has you right where she wants you, Doctor.
I want you to stay.
You know I can't do that, Christian.
If I'm late, Burt will suspect something.
I'm already living one lie.
I can't live with another.
Then turn one lie into the truth.
Be with me.
She belongs to me.
- How much does she still owe you? - The price is $500,000.
That's insane.
You're nothing but a street pimp.
Far from it.
My girls are intelligent, sophisticated women.
I just help them to get a little more out of life than they would on their own.
My deal with Michelle was very clear.
I send her to med school, she gives me four years of service.
She deserted me after less than two years.
The loss of income was substantial.
Perhaps, but nothing approaching 500k.
She's not worth that much to you? Do you love her? I don't have that kind of liquidity right now.
Then I suggest you melt some of your money.
Everyone has a price.
Even you.
That Jaeger-LeCoultre would look fantastic on your wrist.
I don't disagree.
Excuse me, I asked you here for your help, not to watch you model.
Engagement rings, please.
Now, are you sure you want to go through with this? Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that you and Julia are together, but do you really have to go ask her to marry you again? I love her, and I want to prove I'm committed.
To her and to our family.
Okay.
What about this one? That's the one they sell to teenagers who knock up their girlfriends and only have their lunch money to spend.
We'd like to take a look at that one.
Right there, thank you.
You have exquisite taste.
This is a four-carat emerald-cut diamond set in platinum, with four one-carat diamond baguette accents, all of extreme high clarity and color.
It's beautiful.
What's it go for? $165,000.
It's a little out of my range.
Would you excuse us for a moment, please? You banged the night nurse, Sean.
I'll take it.
Holy shit, is that Matt? Keep your eyes on the road.
Did you know about this, Sean? Huh? Did you see him? He was picking up goddamn Big Gulps.
Julia said something about Matt volunteering for his church today.
I'm sure it's harmless.
At least he's not dating Nazis or transsexuals anymore.
I can't believe you're fine with this.
It's humiliating.
For him, for us Julia thinks he's doing all right.
His grades are improving We're doctors, Sean, wealthy, successful doctors.
Is this really what you want for him? Huh? Hey, come in.
You're gonna love this.
Sweating in here is really gonna go a long way towards cleansing your body of all the poisons you've ingested.
You've been taking your vitamins and minerals? No.
It's not like I was a drug addict, Kimber.
I just took the antidepressants the shrink gave me.
We're all addicts, Matt.
Even without the poisons of prescription drugs.
The average person's thinking and awareness is clouded by thousands of chemicals that are put in our food and in our drinking water.
It does feel good.
It's pretty cool that you have a sauna in your condo.
Yeah.
It cost a fortune, but it's worth every penny.
But doesn't it ever get lonely? I mean, having this great place and no one to share it with.
Sometimes.
But I'm really so busy with classes at church, I barely have time to think about it.
When you do think about it, what kind of man are you looking for this time around? Well, I want someone with havingness.
What's "havingness"? It's self-respect and potential.
And the ability to communicate with the things, the possessions that come to you as a result of the inner work that you're doing.
Tell us what you don't like about yourself.
Nothing money can't buy.
I have a few extra layers on my pound cake.
That's where you come in.
So you'd like some liposuction, Mrs.
Budge? I mean all over.
Even behind my ears.
Whatever it costs, I can afford it.
I hit the big Powerball, $381 million.
Maybe you saw me on Maury? - Congratulations.
- Wow.
Excuse me.
I won it.
I am the one who sat for two hours in the humidity, my fat ass in a broken-down lawn chair just to buy my tickets, while these two booger-eaters were staying home to watch a rerun of the Ghost Whisperer.
It was the second of a two-parter, Dawn.
And the only reason you didn't stay home was 'cause you'd already seen it, Ma.
Zip it, Mallory.
Anyways, after I won, the first thing I purchased were the exact replicas of the mirrors Louis XIV has in Versailles.
You know, France? Fifteen grand apiece.
I would've paid $5 million.
After I had them professionally hung, I looked at myself in them and I thought, "Pudge Budge has got to go.
" It is time my body matched my bank account.
If that's what you're after, hell, you've been skinny your whole life.
She was only making 15 grand down at the Jiffy Lube.
Can you sew her mouth shut? I mean, literally.
Can you put a zipper on there? Because I swear to you, I will do it.
Is there something you're interested in having done, Mallory? I want some new tits.
Big ones.
Finally, something we agree on.
I mean, she's gotta do something about those mosquito bites.
She's never gonna get a man and move the hell out of my house.
And while you're in there, do something about her belly button.
It's disgusting.
Show the doctors, Mallory.
I always though it was kind of cute.
How the hell are you gonna walk around South Beach in a tube top? Look, Dwight, it's bigger than your penis.
Mr.
Budge, we haven't heard much from you.
Do you think your daughter should Excuse me.
Dwight is my second husband.
He is not Mallory's father.
He is here because he would like a bigger dick.
And those pumps? A total waste of money.
So you'd like a penis enlargement, Mr.
Budge? Hell, I don't know.
I never really thought about having an operation.
It never came into your head before because we never could afford it, honey.
Now that's all changed, now.
We're the rich folks now.
It's time that we got what we deserve.
And we deserve these operations.
I have to say, Mrs.
Budge, McNamara/Troy won't operate on patients who are uncertain in their convictions.
Oh, no, they want them.
It's all we talked about the whole drive down from Pensacola.
All the same, Mallory, Mr.
Budge, you really want these procedures? Yeah, I think Mom is right.
My outie, it scares people.
If it'll make Dawn happy I'll make it easy for you.
I'll pay you double.
Screw it.
Triple.
We'll put you right on the schedule.
Just like I said.
Money changes everything.
Dawn Budge got me thinking.
Money talks.
- A Porsche? - For Matt.
We need to do something drastic to get this kid's attention.
I know the dealer.
We can have a car within a week.
You want to bribe Matt into quitting Scientology? Why not? He needs a car.
Besides, I'm sure when his janitor buddies see him rock up in this, they'll kick him straight back to reality.
You know, Sean, you've let Julia drag you around by the short and curlies with her accepting permissive bullshit.
I thought he'd grow out of it.
I thought he'd get bored.
Well, he didn't, and now he's picking up junkie condoms on the side of the road.
You know, turning the other cheek doesn't work with this kid.
It just makes him more defiant.
We need to go in waving a white flag.
Be his best friend and offer him an alternative he can't refuse.
Julia will never go for it.
Then leave her out of it.
You wanna get Matty back, don't you? - Dr.
Troy? - Yeah.
There's a woman waiting for you in your office.
Says you're friends.
What are you doing here? Some other $5 skank kick you off her corner? Not exactly, darling.
I just thought I'd come by and check in on my latest pet project.
Your first payment is due on Friday.
$100,000.
I'm not paying you a cent.
Go spread your herpes somewhere else.
I didn't know that Michelle was ready for your relationship to come out of the closet.
If you tell Burt Landau or anyone I prefer pictures over talk.
Shit.
Look, I wasn't kidding when I said I wasn't liquid right now.
I just redid my apartment, spent $200,000 on a car.
I just bought my son a car Then I have a proposition for you that might ease your pain.
I'll knock down your first payment to something more manageable, say $75,000, if you throw in a hand job.
Don't be vulgar.
I want a hand rejuvenation.
I thought vampires kept their looks forever.
Sometimes we need a little help.
You know, once I get you on the table, any number of accidents could occur.
Well, that's not going to happen.
Or those photos, they will reach their destination.
So I was thinking, you know, maybe we should buy Matt a car.
You know, to reward him for doing better in school.
Are you having an affair? What What are you talking about? Well, tell me about 1-900-555-YOU-COME.
That? It's just a few phone calls.
It's a former patient.
I gave her a voice lift.
She's a phone sex operator, and I just wanted to check in with her.
Make sure the work was sufficient.
There are $500 in phone calls here.
I stopped calling over a month ago.
I'm sorry.
Just It won't happen again.
You know, I mean, I almost understand it.
You know, since the baby, I haven't been available much.
I can't remember the last time we made love.
You should know something, though.
We barely made it through Megan.
If I ever find out you have touched another woman, I'm leaving.
I'm gone.
That won't happen.
I promise.
And Do you Do you need me to buy you some pornography? What do you like? Girl-on-girl? Three-ways? Interracial couples? At least DVDs are cheaper.
You are the coolest woman in the world, you know that? You give me everything I need, this house, our children I love you.
Sean, what are you doing? I'm proposing.
Marry me again, Julia.
Morning, partner.
I have news.
Julia said yes to my marriage proposal.
Well, look at you.
Congrats.
You're on the road to redemption.
I can finally afford the wedding she always deserved.
This time we'll go all-out.
Did you tell Matty yet? No.
He locked himself in his room all night and then left this morning before we had a chance.
You know, maybe the car is overdoing it a little.
- We should wait till after the wedding.
- No, we can't.
I want Matt firmly back in the family fold before the wedding.
You were right about the ring.
Julia's eyes popped out of her head when she saw it.
And you're right about the car idea, too.
I went ahead and ordered it.
And Julia's fine with this? Well, I brought it up last night.
She didn't blink.
Great.
How long is this gonna lay me up, Dr.
Troy? Well, you'll be badly bruised and feel like you got hit by a truck, but you'll be on your feet again tomorrow.
Good.
I can't wait to go buy out all the size 10s down at the Maxx.
You know, T.
J.
? Yeah.
You know, I can vacuum you down to a skeleton, Dawn, but I can't suck out the white trash, now, can I? You want real class, you're gonna need a new face and wardrobe to go with your new body.
Are you gay, Dr.
Troy? No.
But for a price, I will play Queer Eye for you.
How much? the Christian Troy treatment at the best salons and boutiques in Miami.
- I'm in.
- Great.
We'll start tomorrow.
I thought you said I'd be bruised and sore.
Beauty is pain, Dawn.
Suck it up.
I forgot.
I'll need your share of the car by Friday.
No problem.
Oh, sweet Jesus! Keep praying, Dawn.
More.
So, whose turn is it to have a mid-life crisis this week? You like it? 0-to-60 in five seconds.
It's pretty sweet.
Wow.
I guess selling the practice has paid off.
The car's yours if you want it.
What's the catch? The catch is that you start acting like a teenager and enjoying yourself.
You deserve this, Matt.
You're doing great in school.
We know it's been hard not having your own car.
And that's it? Nothing else? We'd like to see you around the house a little more, have some more family dinners together.
We miss you, that's all.
Wanna go for a ride? Yeah.
Let's do it.
- You got enough room? - Yeah.
All right.
This is a hot car, Matt.
But not as hot as you.
I'm gonna need satellite radio.
Okay.
Open your eyes.
Wow.
- You like it? - It's nice.
You know what you said about havingness the other day, I think mine just manifested itself, so I embraced it.
Well, havingness is the feeling that you deserve material things.
So why do you deserve this Porsche? My dads gave it to me for doing better in school.
Don't be naive, Matt.
Christian and Sean are suppressive people, you know that.
Yeah, but they're not influencing me.
Oh, they're just bribing you? They're buying your affection to manipulate you into doing what they want.
And what they want is for you to leave the church.
To choose materialism you're not ready for over your obligation to yourself and your spiritual growth.
Look at it, it's clear.
I'm sorry, I can't be a part of this.
No, Kimber, wait.
Hey.
Whoa, wait.
Okay.
What can I do? You need to be in an environment that will be supportive.
And I understand what you're going through.
I've faced all these temptations.
I've heard all the entheta.
Give me your phone.
We need to be stronger than ever now.
These are beautiful, Simon.
Thank you, Mrs.
McNamara.
Now, paint me a picture of your dream wedding.
Saint Mary's Cathedral for the ceremony, because we couldn't afford it the first time.
And then the reception maybe at The Shore Club, probably for around 300? And the wedding party? I'm sorry, but all this is sounding really expensive.
Simon, may I ask how much you charge? My services start at $25,000.
I require three assistants minimum for a wedding this size.
- That's not a problem.
- Great.
Now my availability.
I'm booked through New Year's, which means we're looking at January at the earliest.
Which I love because it gives you plenty of time to get into gown shape.
With the new baby and all, you might want to drop a few.
Sean, I don't think we need a wedding planner.
But if you want a big wedding, we need someone to take care of all the logistics, honey.
I never said that I wanted a big wedding.
That was your idea.
I wanted it to just be us, you know.
You, me, Matt, Annie, Conor.
That's all.
You two should discuss this.
- I'm sorry about this.
- Not at all.
You can keep the damn car.
What are you doing here, Kimber? I'm helping Matt move out, Julia.
- Want the posters? - No, just his clothes and essentials.
Who are you? Parker works for the church.
She's here to assist.
Get the hell out of my house! You're not going anywhere.
Your son is 18 years old, Mr.
McNamara.
Legally, you can't keep him here against his will.
Watch me.
Who are you calling? More of your Kool-Aid drinking friends? The police, to report a parental kidnapping.
Matt, what is going on? If you're upset about something, talk to us.
Matt thinks that it would be easier if he didn't communicate with you guys right now.
Matt, this isn't what you need.
These people don't care about you.
Don't you get it, Sean? You can't bribe him into quitting Scientology with a $100,000 Porsche.
You gave him a Porsche? I'm trying to do everything I can to keep this family together! Kimber was right.
You don't care about me.
You and Christian just did what you always do.
You used money as a replacement for love.
Sweetie, I We No, look, Mom, I'm sorry.
I just can't stay here and be repressed.
How many more men in this family do you have to corrupt, Kimber, to ease your own pain? First Christian, then Sean, now my son.
This is not a battle you are gonna win.
Nice ring.
Looks like it worked on you, too.
There'll be some scabbing, but once they fall off, your hands will look 20 years younger.
I'm impressed with your work, Doctor.
My money's been well spent.
Despite the fact that at this hour, I should be curling up on the goose down, not slinking around your office like a phantom pariah.
I'm doing this after-hours because I don't want Michelle to know.
You deal with me now.
You're not going to tell her the sacrifices you're making on her behalf? And they say chivalry is dead.
She's fragile.
She already lives with too many lies.
She doesn't need to cover up another one.
I'm not the monster you think I am.
I have feelings for Michelle, too.
Deep feelings.
You and I, we're the same.
I'm not a lesbian.
I've only been with one woman, one time.
Michelle.
I was in love with her.
And the feelings were not returned.
So you understand it's rather hard for me to just walk away.
How do they feel? Clean.
Untouched by time.
If only you could do the same with my heart.
I'm gonna do something that's a bit out of character, Dr.
Troy.
I was planning on having fun with you a while longer.
You are cute when you squirm.
But you have moved me.
After I receive all my money, I will disappear.
I'll give you back the photos and I won't bother either of you again, ever.
So where's my $75,000? - It's all there.
- Of course it is.
And next Friday the second payment will all be there.
James, I don't know where I'm gonna get the money.
Darling, you're a smart man.
I'm sure you'll find a way.
Really, I don't think Chinese chicken salad is anything to have as an entrée.
I'm a girl again.
You're a genius, Dr.
Troy, a frigging genius.
I look gorgeous.
Almost as gorgeous as my house.
My very own McMansion, just like I always dreamed.
Don't you just love the place? It looks like Liberace took a dump in here.
You have no sense of style, Dawn.
It's terrible.
Well, shit.
What the hell am I supposed to do now? You're gonna need my interior design services, as well.
But like everything else, they don't come cheap.
Another 75k.
Fine.
Let's start upstairs.
All right, any reference to the Confederate flag, country music or NASCAR need to be burned immediately.
Can't I keep the Dale Earnhardt shrine in my bedroom? - I'm telling you, I think it really works.
- No.
Yes, you have to see it.
Christian, open your mind.
And the portrait is a limited edition.
I had it picked out myself and framed in a fabulous gold.
You'll see This isn't what it looks like, Dawn.
I mean, I swear.
I just wanted to try out my new titties, Momma.
Well, isn't this rich? Even richer than me.
So your son has been kidnapped? He moved out under his own will, Mr.
Staubeck.
I'm not sure it can be called a kidnapping.
Well, don't be so quick to make that assumption, Dr.
McNamara.
Matt has been robbed of his ability to think critically.
So? What do we do? We kidnap him back.
Wait a second.
What if something goes wrong? That's why Dr.
McNamara called me.
I insure that nothing goes wrong.
Look, gentlemen, I am the best that your money can buy.
But I won't deny that there are risks involved.
If by some small chance the deprogramming fails, the rift between Matt and you, his family, will widen.
It can't get wider than it already is.
How much? Matt, please call me back.
If you don't want to talk to your father, call my cell instead of the house.
I understand.
After what he did, I don't want to talk to him either.
I love you.
I'll get him back, Julia.
I promise.
Christian and I have hired someone to help us.
Everything's gonna be all right.
You've hired someone? A professional who specializes in extricating people And you're telling me this now? We're not a family, Sean.
A family makes decisions together.
I mean, first it was the Porsche, and I told you I wanted to get Matt a car.
And you conveniently left out the $100,000 price tag.
Okay, I admit, that was wrong.
I was worried about your reaction.
But we're running out of time, Julia.
So fine, make me the bad guy.
You don't want him with these people either, but all you're offering is passivity! What I'm offering is communication, but because of what you've done, you've made that all but impossible.
God damn it, these people are powerful and they have resources we don't.
I'll spend every last penny I have to.
Oh, well, then this should help.
Hock it.
I'm not the enemy, Julia! Okay.
Yeah, I'll see you all later.
See you.
Bye.
Matt, wait a minute.
I wanna talk, Matt.
Wait a minute.
I wanna talk to you.
Everything's spun out of control, Dr.
Troy.
Can I come in? Wow, this is nice.
The black thing's a little gay, but What are you doing here, Dawn? It's lonely at The Ritz, Dr.
Troy.
I usually make friends with the ladies who do my nails, but I can't understand a word those Cuban gals are saying.
Well, I'm getting a drink.
Great.
Make it two.
I'll have a white wine spritzer.
That's classy, right? You know, his whole life, Dwight did nothing but sit around the house and pick corn from his teeth.
The man's a simpleton, but he worshipped me.
I can't believe he did this to me.
You know, Mallory I understand.
I mean, Dwight's so hunky, he's hard to resist.
But the whole thing makes me feel so worthless.
So dump him.
There are plenty of other guys.
Who will love me for my money.
That idiot fell for me when we both had nothing.
And I know he still loves me.
Dawn.
Dawn.
What are you doing, Dawn? I want to buy one more thing, Dr.
Troy.
A night with you.
I need Dwight to know he can't do what he did without consequences.
Basically, I want a revenge screw.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
You need to take a deep breath.
I will pay you $100,000.
I wouldn't sit on the same toilet seat as you for 100 grand.
Name your price, sexy man.
Strictly missionary, nothing kinky.
I'll throw in an extra 20 if we can do it on the rug.
Your ass is really brown.
What is that, Mystic spray-on tan? Are you all the way in? I am so worried about Britney and K-Fed.
He's just like Dwight, overwhelmed by the sudden glamour and wealth.
Zip it, Dawn, or it'll be another 100k.
You got any mac and cheese? Zip it, Dawn.
- Because I could make - Zip it.
I thought it would be more fulfilling.
Something out of a movie.
Fireworks, flowers.
Frankly, I only did it so Dwight would get jealous and wise up.
Right now, I feel worse than I did before.
That's because deep inside you know you're responsible for driving your husband and your daughter into bed together.
I'm responsible? I gave those two every goddamn thing they ever wanted.
You buy them everything you want.
You're a mean and selfish bitch, Dawn.
And no money in the world is gonna change that.
Then why'd you help me with my clothes, my look? Why'd you have sex with me? Because I needed the money for somebody I think I'm in love with.
Well, take it from me, Doc, money can't buy you love.
Thinner thighs, absolutely.
As soon as the kids are asleep, I'll leave.
I got a room at the Marriott until I find a place.
Oh, please don't do that.
This has been hard for both of us, Sean.
Now, I'm not saying that what you did wasn't wrong, it's just that I've been so busy worrying about Conor and Annie, and you at least tried to do something about Matt.
I should have acknowledged that.
What I'm trying to say is neither of us can do this alone.
Only you and I can save our family.
Not money or cars or deprogrammers.
And our family needs us together.
That's my old wedding ring.
I found it with your cufflinks.
Will you marry me, Sean McNamara? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
There you go.
$400,000.
I thought you didn't know how you were gonna dig up such a lofty sum.
Where I got it doesn't matter.
What matters is that once I get all the photos and the negatives, you're a ghost.
That's a shame.
We have such great chemistry.
I envy you.
The only true joy in life is being in love and have those feelings reciprocated.
I hope it works out for you.
Both of you.
How could you be so careless? I taught you better than this, Michelle.
Never leave a trail.
This last slip-up is positively slug-like.
Get out of my goddamn car and out of my life.
I'm tired of your threats.
You're right.
I should take it up with Christian.
Blackmail him.
Of course, he's such a strong personality, he'll probably go straight to your husband and confess all.
Cut me off at the pass.
You know how men are.
What do you want? More money? I don't want money.
I want your skills.
No.
I won't do that anymore.
Think hard before you turn me down.
Please.
You told me I'd never have to do that again.
I'm short on girls.
You're the best.
I'm sorry.
Hi, this is Michelle.
Leave a message and I'll call you back.
Is this seat taken? And now we'll have the exchange of rings.
"Dear Dawn, Mallory and I moved back to Pensacola.
"You were more fun poor.
" With the authority vested in me by the State of Florida, I now pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
Steady, girl.
English
How you touched me.
Monica, I'm married.
We both made a mistake.
I'm committed to getting better and I've found something that I know can help me.
- What? - Scientology.
So who's the mystery woman, Michelle? Her name is James.
I'm indebted to her.
Please, don't tell Burt.
I won't tell him your secret, if you don't tell him mine.
What's your secret? That I made love to his wife before dinner.
The jig is up, sweetheart.
It's time to take your little whore-and-pony show to a different city.
Michelle told me about your escort ring.
We haven't even ordered the wine yet, Dr.
Troy.
Shall we share a bottle of pinot noir? I know we both enjoy the darker varietals.
I don't I don't think I can do this anymore, Christian.
Last week you were seducing me in the operating room.
This is all happening too fast.
I won't deny what we feel because of fear.
And I won't waste time playing games.
Her pussy must have really purred for you, Dr.
Troy.
Of course, Michelle has been known to meow for her customers.
It's why so many came back.
Is her husband aware of your relationship? Burt can't find out about this.
He won't.
Of course he doesn't know.
So it looks like she has you right where she wants you, Doctor.
I want you to stay.
You know I can't do that, Christian.
If I'm late, Burt will suspect something.
I'm already living one lie.
I can't live with another.
Then turn one lie into the truth.
Be with me.
She belongs to me.
- How much does she still owe you? - The price is $500,000.
That's insane.
You're nothing but a street pimp.
Far from it.
My girls are intelligent, sophisticated women.
I just help them to get a little more out of life than they would on their own.
My deal with Michelle was very clear.
I send her to med school, she gives me four years of service.
She deserted me after less than two years.
The loss of income was substantial.
Perhaps, but nothing approaching 500k.
She's not worth that much to you? Do you love her? I don't have that kind of liquidity right now.
Then I suggest you melt some of your money.
Everyone has a price.
Even you.
That Jaeger-LeCoultre would look fantastic on your wrist.
I don't disagree.
Excuse me, I asked you here for your help, not to watch you model.
Engagement rings, please.
Now, are you sure you want to go through with this? Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that you and Julia are together, but do you really have to go ask her to marry you again? I love her, and I want to prove I'm committed.
To her and to our family.
Okay.
What about this one? That's the one they sell to teenagers who knock up their girlfriends and only have their lunch money to spend.
We'd like to take a look at that one.
Right there, thank you.
You have exquisite taste.
This is a four-carat emerald-cut diamond set in platinum, with four one-carat diamond baguette accents, all of extreme high clarity and color.
It's beautiful.
What's it go for? $165,000.
It's a little out of my range.
Would you excuse us for a moment, please? You banged the night nurse, Sean.
I'll take it.
Holy shit, is that Matt? Keep your eyes on the road.
Did you know about this, Sean? Huh? Did you see him? He was picking up goddamn Big Gulps.
Julia said something about Matt volunteering for his church today.
I'm sure it's harmless.
At least he's not dating Nazis or transsexuals anymore.
I can't believe you're fine with this.
It's humiliating.
For him, for us Julia thinks he's doing all right.
His grades are improving We're doctors, Sean, wealthy, successful doctors.
Is this really what you want for him? Huh? Hey, come in.
You're gonna love this.
Sweating in here is really gonna go a long way towards cleansing your body of all the poisons you've ingested.
You've been taking your vitamins and minerals? No.
It's not like I was a drug addict, Kimber.
I just took the antidepressants the shrink gave me.
We're all addicts, Matt.
Even without the poisons of prescription drugs.
The average person's thinking and awareness is clouded by thousands of chemicals that are put in our food and in our drinking water.
It does feel good.
It's pretty cool that you have a sauna in your condo.
Yeah.
It cost a fortune, but it's worth every penny.
But doesn't it ever get lonely? I mean, having this great place and no one to share it with.
Sometimes.
But I'm really so busy with classes at church, I barely have time to think about it.
When you do think about it, what kind of man are you looking for this time around? Well, I want someone with havingness.
What's "havingness"? It's self-respect and potential.
And the ability to communicate with the things, the possessions that come to you as a result of the inner work that you're doing.
Tell us what you don't like about yourself.
Nothing money can't buy.
I have a few extra layers on my pound cake.
That's where you come in.
So you'd like some liposuction, Mrs.
Budge? I mean all over.
Even behind my ears.
Whatever it costs, I can afford it.
I hit the big Powerball, $381 million.
Maybe you saw me on Maury? - Congratulations.
- Wow.
Excuse me.
I won it.
I am the one who sat for two hours in the humidity, my fat ass in a broken-down lawn chair just to buy my tickets, while these two booger-eaters were staying home to watch a rerun of the Ghost Whisperer.
It was the second of a two-parter, Dawn.
And the only reason you didn't stay home was 'cause you'd already seen it, Ma.
Zip it, Mallory.
Anyways, after I won, the first thing I purchased were the exact replicas of the mirrors Louis XIV has in Versailles.
You know, France? Fifteen grand apiece.
I would've paid $5 million.
After I had them professionally hung, I looked at myself in them and I thought, "Pudge Budge has got to go.
" It is time my body matched my bank account.
If that's what you're after, hell, you've been skinny your whole life.
She was only making 15 grand down at the Jiffy Lube.
Can you sew her mouth shut? I mean, literally.
Can you put a zipper on there? Because I swear to you, I will do it.
Is there something you're interested in having done, Mallory? I want some new tits.
Big ones.
Finally, something we agree on.
I mean, she's gotta do something about those mosquito bites.
She's never gonna get a man and move the hell out of my house.
And while you're in there, do something about her belly button.
It's disgusting.
Show the doctors, Mallory.
I always though it was kind of cute.
How the hell are you gonna walk around South Beach in a tube top? Look, Dwight, it's bigger than your penis.
Mr.
Budge, we haven't heard much from you.
Do you think your daughter should Excuse me.
Dwight is my second husband.
He is not Mallory's father.
He is here because he would like a bigger dick.
And those pumps? A total waste of money.
So you'd like a penis enlargement, Mr.
Budge? Hell, I don't know.
I never really thought about having an operation.
It never came into your head before because we never could afford it, honey.
Now that's all changed, now.
We're the rich folks now.
It's time that we got what we deserve.
And we deserve these operations.
I have to say, Mrs.
Budge, McNamara/Troy won't operate on patients who are uncertain in their convictions.
Oh, no, they want them.
It's all we talked about the whole drive down from Pensacola.
All the same, Mallory, Mr.
Budge, you really want these procedures? Yeah, I think Mom is right.
My outie, it scares people.
If it'll make Dawn happy I'll make it easy for you.
I'll pay you double.
Screw it.
Triple.
We'll put you right on the schedule.
Just like I said.
Money changes everything.
Dawn Budge got me thinking.
Money talks.
- A Porsche? - For Matt.
We need to do something drastic to get this kid's attention.
I know the dealer.
We can have a car within a week.
You want to bribe Matt into quitting Scientology? Why not? He needs a car.
Besides, I'm sure when his janitor buddies see him rock up in this, they'll kick him straight back to reality.
You know, Sean, you've let Julia drag you around by the short and curlies with her accepting permissive bullshit.
I thought he'd grow out of it.
I thought he'd get bored.
Well, he didn't, and now he's picking up junkie condoms on the side of the road.
You know, turning the other cheek doesn't work with this kid.
It just makes him more defiant.
We need to go in waving a white flag.
Be his best friend and offer him an alternative he can't refuse.
Julia will never go for it.
Then leave her out of it.
You wanna get Matty back, don't you? - Dr.
Troy? - Yeah.
There's a woman waiting for you in your office.
Says you're friends.
What are you doing here? Some other $5 skank kick you off her corner? Not exactly, darling.
I just thought I'd come by and check in on my latest pet project.
Your first payment is due on Friday.
$100,000.
I'm not paying you a cent.
Go spread your herpes somewhere else.
I didn't know that Michelle was ready for your relationship to come out of the closet.
If you tell Burt Landau or anyone I prefer pictures over talk.
Shit.
Look, I wasn't kidding when I said I wasn't liquid right now.
I just redid my apartment, spent $200,000 on a car.
I just bought my son a car Then I have a proposition for you that might ease your pain.
I'll knock down your first payment to something more manageable, say $75,000, if you throw in a hand job.
Don't be vulgar.
I want a hand rejuvenation.
I thought vampires kept their looks forever.
Sometimes we need a little help.
You know, once I get you on the table, any number of accidents could occur.
Well, that's not going to happen.
Or those photos, they will reach their destination.
So I was thinking, you know, maybe we should buy Matt a car.
You know, to reward him for doing better in school.
Are you having an affair? What What are you talking about? Well, tell me about 1-900-555-YOU-COME.
That? It's just a few phone calls.
It's a former patient.
I gave her a voice lift.
She's a phone sex operator, and I just wanted to check in with her.
Make sure the work was sufficient.
There are $500 in phone calls here.
I stopped calling over a month ago.
I'm sorry.
Just It won't happen again.
You know, I mean, I almost understand it.
You know, since the baby, I haven't been available much.
I can't remember the last time we made love.
You should know something, though.
We barely made it through Megan.
If I ever find out you have touched another woman, I'm leaving.
I'm gone.
That won't happen.
I promise.
And Do you Do you need me to buy you some pornography? What do you like? Girl-on-girl? Three-ways? Interracial couples? At least DVDs are cheaper.
You are the coolest woman in the world, you know that? You give me everything I need, this house, our children I love you.
Sean, what are you doing? I'm proposing.
Marry me again, Julia.
Morning, partner.
I have news.
Julia said yes to my marriage proposal.
Well, look at you.
Congrats.
You're on the road to redemption.
I can finally afford the wedding she always deserved.
This time we'll go all-out.
Did you tell Matty yet? No.
He locked himself in his room all night and then left this morning before we had a chance.
You know, maybe the car is overdoing it a little.
- We should wait till after the wedding.
- No, we can't.
I want Matt firmly back in the family fold before the wedding.
You were right about the ring.
Julia's eyes popped out of her head when she saw it.
And you're right about the car idea, too.
I went ahead and ordered it.
And Julia's fine with this? Well, I brought it up last night.
She didn't blink.
Great.
How long is this gonna lay me up, Dr.
Troy? Well, you'll be badly bruised and feel like you got hit by a truck, but you'll be on your feet again tomorrow.
Good.
I can't wait to go buy out all the size 10s down at the Maxx.
You know, T.
J.
? Yeah.
You know, I can vacuum you down to a skeleton, Dawn, but I can't suck out the white trash, now, can I? You want real class, you're gonna need a new face and wardrobe to go with your new body.
Are you gay, Dr.
Troy? No.
But for a price, I will play Queer Eye for you.
How much? the Christian Troy treatment at the best salons and boutiques in Miami.
- I'm in.
- Great.
We'll start tomorrow.
I thought you said I'd be bruised and sore.
Beauty is pain, Dawn.
Suck it up.
I forgot.
I'll need your share of the car by Friday.
No problem.
Oh, sweet Jesus! Keep praying, Dawn.
More.
So, whose turn is it to have a mid-life crisis this week? You like it? 0-to-60 in five seconds.
It's pretty sweet.
Wow.
I guess selling the practice has paid off.
The car's yours if you want it.
What's the catch? The catch is that you start acting like a teenager and enjoying yourself.
You deserve this, Matt.
You're doing great in school.
We know it's been hard not having your own car.
And that's it? Nothing else? We'd like to see you around the house a little more, have some more family dinners together.
We miss you, that's all.
Wanna go for a ride? Yeah.
Let's do it.
- You got enough room? - Yeah.
All right.
This is a hot car, Matt.
But not as hot as you.
I'm gonna need satellite radio.
Okay.
Open your eyes.
Wow.
- You like it? - It's nice.
You know what you said about havingness the other day, I think mine just manifested itself, so I embraced it.
Well, havingness is the feeling that you deserve material things.
So why do you deserve this Porsche? My dads gave it to me for doing better in school.
Don't be naive, Matt.
Christian and Sean are suppressive people, you know that.
Yeah, but they're not influencing me.
Oh, they're just bribing you? They're buying your affection to manipulate you into doing what they want.
And what they want is for you to leave the church.
To choose materialism you're not ready for over your obligation to yourself and your spiritual growth.
Look at it, it's clear.
I'm sorry, I can't be a part of this.
No, Kimber, wait.
Hey.
Whoa, wait.
Okay.
What can I do? You need to be in an environment that will be supportive.
And I understand what you're going through.
I've faced all these temptations.
I've heard all the entheta.
Give me your phone.
We need to be stronger than ever now.
These are beautiful, Simon.
Thank you, Mrs.
McNamara.
Now, paint me a picture of your dream wedding.
Saint Mary's Cathedral for the ceremony, because we couldn't afford it the first time.
And then the reception maybe at The Shore Club, probably for around 300? And the wedding party? I'm sorry, but all this is sounding really expensive.
Simon, may I ask how much you charge? My services start at $25,000.
I require three assistants minimum for a wedding this size.
- That's not a problem.
- Great.
Now my availability.
I'm booked through New Year's, which means we're looking at January at the earliest.
Which I love because it gives you plenty of time to get into gown shape.
With the new baby and all, you might want to drop a few.
Sean, I don't think we need a wedding planner.
But if you want a big wedding, we need someone to take care of all the logistics, honey.
I never said that I wanted a big wedding.
That was your idea.
I wanted it to just be us, you know.
You, me, Matt, Annie, Conor.
That's all.
You two should discuss this.
- I'm sorry about this.
- Not at all.
You can keep the damn car.
What are you doing here, Kimber? I'm helping Matt move out, Julia.
- Want the posters? - No, just his clothes and essentials.
Who are you? Parker works for the church.
She's here to assist.
Get the hell out of my house! You're not going anywhere.
Your son is 18 years old, Mr.
McNamara.
Legally, you can't keep him here against his will.
Watch me.
Who are you calling? More of your Kool-Aid drinking friends? The police, to report a parental kidnapping.
Matt, what is going on? If you're upset about something, talk to us.
Matt thinks that it would be easier if he didn't communicate with you guys right now.
Matt, this isn't what you need.
These people don't care about you.
Don't you get it, Sean? You can't bribe him into quitting Scientology with a $100,000 Porsche.
You gave him a Porsche? I'm trying to do everything I can to keep this family together! Kimber was right.
You don't care about me.
You and Christian just did what you always do.
You used money as a replacement for love.
Sweetie, I We No, look, Mom, I'm sorry.
I just can't stay here and be repressed.
How many more men in this family do you have to corrupt, Kimber, to ease your own pain? First Christian, then Sean, now my son.
This is not a battle you are gonna win.
Nice ring.
Looks like it worked on you, too.
There'll be some scabbing, but once they fall off, your hands will look 20 years younger.
I'm impressed with your work, Doctor.
My money's been well spent.
Despite the fact that at this hour, I should be curling up on the goose down, not slinking around your office like a phantom pariah.
I'm doing this after-hours because I don't want Michelle to know.
You deal with me now.
You're not going to tell her the sacrifices you're making on her behalf? And they say chivalry is dead.
She's fragile.
She already lives with too many lies.
She doesn't need to cover up another one.
I'm not the monster you think I am.
I have feelings for Michelle, too.
Deep feelings.
You and I, we're the same.
I'm not a lesbian.
I've only been with one woman, one time.
Michelle.
I was in love with her.
And the feelings were not returned.
So you understand it's rather hard for me to just walk away.
How do they feel? Clean.
Untouched by time.
If only you could do the same with my heart.
I'm gonna do something that's a bit out of character, Dr.
Troy.
I was planning on having fun with you a while longer.
You are cute when you squirm.
But you have moved me.
After I receive all my money, I will disappear.
I'll give you back the photos and I won't bother either of you again, ever.
So where's my $75,000? - It's all there.
- Of course it is.
And next Friday the second payment will all be there.
James, I don't know where I'm gonna get the money.
Darling, you're a smart man.
I'm sure you'll find a way.
Really, I don't think Chinese chicken salad is anything to have as an entrée.
I'm a girl again.
You're a genius, Dr.
Troy, a frigging genius.
I look gorgeous.
Almost as gorgeous as my house.
My very own McMansion, just like I always dreamed.
Don't you just love the place? It looks like Liberace took a dump in here.
You have no sense of style, Dawn.
It's terrible.
Well, shit.
What the hell am I supposed to do now? You're gonna need my interior design services, as well.
But like everything else, they don't come cheap.
Another 75k.
Fine.
Let's start upstairs.
All right, any reference to the Confederate flag, country music or NASCAR need to be burned immediately.
Can't I keep the Dale Earnhardt shrine in my bedroom? - I'm telling you, I think it really works.
- No.
Yes, you have to see it.
Christian, open your mind.
And the portrait is a limited edition.
I had it picked out myself and framed in a fabulous gold.
You'll see This isn't what it looks like, Dawn.
I mean, I swear.
I just wanted to try out my new titties, Momma.
Well, isn't this rich? Even richer than me.
So your son has been kidnapped? He moved out under his own will, Mr.
Staubeck.
I'm not sure it can be called a kidnapping.
Well, don't be so quick to make that assumption, Dr.
McNamara.
Matt has been robbed of his ability to think critically.
So? What do we do? We kidnap him back.
Wait a second.
What if something goes wrong? That's why Dr.
McNamara called me.
I insure that nothing goes wrong.
Look, gentlemen, I am the best that your money can buy.
But I won't deny that there are risks involved.
If by some small chance the deprogramming fails, the rift between Matt and you, his family, will widen.
It can't get wider than it already is.
How much? Matt, please call me back.
If you don't want to talk to your father, call my cell instead of the house.
I understand.
After what he did, I don't want to talk to him either.
I love you.
I'll get him back, Julia.
I promise.
Christian and I have hired someone to help us.
Everything's gonna be all right.
You've hired someone? A professional who specializes in extricating people And you're telling me this now? We're not a family, Sean.
A family makes decisions together.
I mean, first it was the Porsche, and I told you I wanted to get Matt a car.
And you conveniently left out the $100,000 price tag.
Okay, I admit, that was wrong.
I was worried about your reaction.
But we're running out of time, Julia.
So fine, make me the bad guy.
You don't want him with these people either, but all you're offering is passivity! What I'm offering is communication, but because of what you've done, you've made that all but impossible.
God damn it, these people are powerful and they have resources we don't.
I'll spend every last penny I have to.
Oh, well, then this should help.
Hock it.
I'm not the enemy, Julia! Okay.
Yeah, I'll see you all later.
See you.
Bye.
Matt, wait a minute.
I wanna talk, Matt.
Wait a minute.
I wanna talk to you.
Everything's spun out of control, Dr.
Troy.
Can I come in? Wow, this is nice.
The black thing's a little gay, but What are you doing here, Dawn? It's lonely at The Ritz, Dr.
Troy.
I usually make friends with the ladies who do my nails, but I can't understand a word those Cuban gals are saying.
Well, I'm getting a drink.
Great.
Make it two.
I'll have a white wine spritzer.
That's classy, right? You know, his whole life, Dwight did nothing but sit around the house and pick corn from his teeth.
The man's a simpleton, but he worshipped me.
I can't believe he did this to me.
You know, Mallory I understand.
I mean, Dwight's so hunky, he's hard to resist.
But the whole thing makes me feel so worthless.
So dump him.
There are plenty of other guys.
Who will love me for my money.
That idiot fell for me when we both had nothing.
And I know he still loves me.
Dawn.
Dawn.
What are you doing, Dawn? I want to buy one more thing, Dr.
Troy.
A night with you.
I need Dwight to know he can't do what he did without consequences.
Basically, I want a revenge screw.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
You need to take a deep breath.
I will pay you $100,000.
I wouldn't sit on the same toilet seat as you for 100 grand.
Name your price, sexy man.
Strictly missionary, nothing kinky.
I'll throw in an extra 20 if we can do it on the rug.
Your ass is really brown.
What is that, Mystic spray-on tan? Are you all the way in? I am so worried about Britney and K-Fed.
He's just like Dwight, overwhelmed by the sudden glamour and wealth.
Zip it, Dawn, or it'll be another 100k.
You got any mac and cheese? Zip it, Dawn.
- Because I could make - Zip it.
I thought it would be more fulfilling.
Something out of a movie.
Fireworks, flowers.
Frankly, I only did it so Dwight would get jealous and wise up.
Right now, I feel worse than I did before.
That's because deep inside you know you're responsible for driving your husband and your daughter into bed together.
I'm responsible? I gave those two every goddamn thing they ever wanted.
You buy them everything you want.
You're a mean and selfish bitch, Dawn.
And no money in the world is gonna change that.
Then why'd you help me with my clothes, my look? Why'd you have sex with me? Because I needed the money for somebody I think I'm in love with.
Well, take it from me, Doc, money can't buy you love.
Thinner thighs, absolutely.
As soon as the kids are asleep, I'll leave.
I got a room at the Marriott until I find a place.
Oh, please don't do that.
This has been hard for both of us, Sean.
Now, I'm not saying that what you did wasn't wrong, it's just that I've been so busy worrying about Conor and Annie, and you at least tried to do something about Matt.
I should have acknowledged that.
What I'm trying to say is neither of us can do this alone.
Only you and I can save our family.
Not money or cars or deprogrammers.
And our family needs us together.
That's my old wedding ring.
I found it with your cufflinks.
Will you marry me, Sean McNamara? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
There you go.
$400,000.
I thought you didn't know how you were gonna dig up such a lofty sum.
Where I got it doesn't matter.
What matters is that once I get all the photos and the negatives, you're a ghost.
That's a shame.
We have such great chemistry.
I envy you.
The only true joy in life is being in love and have those feelings reciprocated.
I hope it works out for you.
Both of you.
How could you be so careless? I taught you better than this, Michelle.
Never leave a trail.
This last slip-up is positively slug-like.
Get out of my goddamn car and out of my life.
I'm tired of your threats.
You're right.
I should take it up with Christian.
Blackmail him.
Of course, he's such a strong personality, he'll probably go straight to your husband and confess all.
Cut me off at the pass.
You know how men are.
What do you want? More money? I don't want money.
I want your skills.
No.
I won't do that anymore.
Think hard before you turn me down.
Please.
You told me I'd never have to do that again.
I'm short on girls.
You're the best.
I'm sorry.
Hi, this is Michelle.
Leave a message and I'll call you back.
Is this seat taken? And now we'll have the exchange of rings.
"Dear Dawn, Mallory and I moved back to Pensacola.
"You were more fun poor.
" With the authority vested in me by the State of Florida, I now pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
Steady, girl.
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