Rescue Me s04e05 Episode Script
Black
Previously on rescue me So if I get a little old or a little sick,I should just kill myself.
- Is that-- - Shut up,asshole! What do you got,8 years on the job? I was standin' right next to him-- Shut up! It was jerry's life, and he made a choice,and obviously is was a pretty severe choice, but you wanna know somethin'? I give the guy all the respect I have for goin' out on his own terms.
I think he's all gavin-- half johnny,half you.
Ok,you know what? This-- if he was half johnny,he-- he'd hate me.
And he's got the blond peach fuzz comin' in.
Yeah,but that doesn't mean anything.
In a couple of months,he could end up with a full head of jet-black hair.
Oh,goddamn it,jimmy! I want that probie! You guys have a solid basketball team.
You've won 5 out of the last 8 division championships.
You're datin' the guy who saved your life? Yeah.
You are so cute.
Yeah,he loves you.
He talks-- That's not--we don't need to--ok.
What do you want it to say? Um,"to troy.
Your buddy,tommy.
" He's so cute.
So you two seem to be getting along famously.
I know.
I have the baby magic.
Ok.
- Oh,no,no.
- Yeah.
No,let me take the baby.
Ah,he gets a little cranky at lunch.
It's done.
That--that thing,that chemistry-- - we don't have that thing anymore.
I'm starting to have that thing-- - You don't have that thing for me anymore.
- I do.
My thing is just having A You have never not gotten hard for me.
It's just--I--it's not you.
Michael,your mom,she's passed.
Maybe I'd come and hang out with you,you know, lift your spirits a little.
That's really cool,sean.
I forgot,like,what a good friend you can be.
Plus I might be gettin' a divorce.
Ok.
Shh.
Yeah,I just finished shopping.
Hey,honey.
Come on.
Just a few seconds,ok? Please? Help mommy get--sweetie.
Ok.
Ok.
Did you hear that? I need to know if you're coming home tonight.
Yeah,I'm comin' home.
Honey,I'm in the middle of a tour.
The day's just started,and he's already making me insane.
Well,what do you want me to do about it? He cried the whole time in the market.
People were staring at me, you know,like I was poking him with a stick or something when they weren't looking.
I gotta go.
Say hello to prince for me.
- Hey.
- What's up? I haven't heard from you in almost 4 days.
I've been busy.
- Oh,my god.
- What? Jesus christ! Shit! Mom? Mom! Oh,my god.
My baby.
Oh,my god.
We can't put him in the shitter.
It's just not right.
Wait a second.
I just said that.
Why doesn't anybody listen to me? To preserve our sanity.
Can't have him sittin' here on the table,'cause it's just-- I don't know.
Just eatin' dinner,dead guy starin' at you.
It's disturbing.
You know what? What if it's not really the chief in there? Hey,no,the kid's got a point.
I mean, it's ashes.
For all we know,could be anna nicole smith.
Well,does silicone burn? Not in that quantity.
Seriously,I mean,that really could not be him.
Funeral homes make that kind of mistake all the time,right? - Like when they bury the wrong corpse.
- Shut up,sean.
I mean,most funeral homes are-- are careful and honest.
You're right.
I'm-- your mom,I'm sure,is planted exactly where she's supposed to be.
I-- - all right.
I'm gonna look.
- Hey,hey!What are you doing? Hey!I've never seen ashes before.
You little grave-robbin' ghoul,you.
Come on.
- Leave the chief alone.
- All right.
- Show a little respect for the dead.
- All right.
How would you like somebody poking through your ashes? - All right.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Ah,screw it,right? Not like he's gonna know.
Oh,cool.
Wow.
Looks like the bottom of my dustbuster.
Hey,is that a tooth? Well,definitely not anna nicole's ashes.
Why's that? 'Cause if they were,we'd all have a contact high by now.
Can't believe the chief's actually in there.
It's kind of creepy.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Spooky.
Oh,jesus christ! What the hell is wrong with you guys? Nothin'.
Anyway,needles wants to see us all upstairs in the locker room pronto.
Let's go.
Looks like the chief's putting on a little weight.
Listen,jerry was a great guy and a great firefighter, so i got--I got big shoes to fill,but,uh, I'm not gonna push.
I'll get used to you guys,you'll get used to me, and before you know it,we'll find a groove.
And I can tell you from experience,chief feinberg, he's one of the good ones.
He'll treat you fair,won't break your balls.
Man's a prince.
You owe me 20.
Try to collect,you little shit.
Call me chief sid,chief sidney,chief whatever.
Just don't call me chief feinberg.
Chief feinberg was my father.
He's been dead many years.
He was a mitzvah,believe me.
Read the bullshit.
Ok,we're gonna use young garrity's locker for a little show and tell.
What? Now,as of today,F.
D.
N.
Y.
Says Because of the equal opportunity Ah,equal employment.
Settle down.
Certain items will no longer be allowed in our lockers.
Excuse me.
I-in our personal lockers? Which are open sometime when there are others in the room.
- Oh,yeah.
- Oh,my god.
Yeah? "No displays of sexual,ethnic,religious,and/or racial themes in a derogatory manner" Sexual,racial,religious,ethnic.
What's left? Nothin'.
American flags and - mass cards are acceptable.
- Oh,great.
Yeah,those are hilarious.
Yeah,great.
So much for the separationf church and state.
- What's that? - Exactly.
You know,look.
Now,I don't know about you guys, but I need naked chick pictures in my locker,all right? I mean,you know,I come back from a job, I'm thinking of rubbing one out in the shower, lookin' at an american flag ain't gonna grease the rails,you know what I mean? I mean,don't get me wrong.
I love the american flag,but, you know,I'm used to salutin' it,not jerkin' off to it.
Whoa.
Wait a second.
Are you jerkin' off in this shower here? Sometimes.
I'm buying some flip-flops,like,6 pairs.
Ok,can we focus,please? Garrity,for example,you have to get rid of this,uh, centerfold,the cartoon of the arab hijacker this picture of your mother.
Wait a second.
What the hell's wrong with the picture of my ma? She got a cock on her face.
Goddamn it!Which-- which one of you drew a cock on my mother's face? It was you,wasn't it? Wh-what's with the finger? What are you lookin' at me for? Well,you do like to draw cocks.
Yeah,cocks and world war ii air battles.
True.
Now,if she had a cock and a world war ii air battle on her face, then I could possibly see him eyeing me as suspect number one-- All right,come on.
Which one of you assholes did it?I'm serious.
Maybe it was y-your dad,you know, trying to get your mom thinkin' in a certain direction.
This is the second time this has happened,boys,all right? And the last time,by the way, 'cause if it happens again,I'm gonna find out who did it, and I'm gonna go to your actual mom's house, and I'm gonna draw a real cock on her real face,ok? Except for you,mike,of course, 'cause your mom just-- you know,she's dead.
You know?The rest of you,oh,yeah.
Well,my mom's dead.
You--you went to her funeral.
It was 2 years ago.
Yeah.
My mom died 10 years ago,sean.
I'm sorry to hear that.
My mom is very much alive.
Though she actually has a-- a cock tattoo right here,uh,on her lower lip.
- You can barely notice it,really.
- Well,it's faded.
- Assholes,all of you.
- You know that?Bye.
Tell your mom we said hello.
- Clear 'em out,guys.
- Clear 'em out.
Locker inspections are scheduled.
Could happen as soon as tomorrow.
Listen,uh,as a way of getting to know each other, I'd like to take you all out to dinner.
I know a great barbecue spot underneath the williamsburg bridge.
You can bring your wives,your girlfriends,whatever.
Friday sound good? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Friday's--friday's great,chief.
- Thanks a lot.
Thanks,chief.
- Fantastic.
Great.
I'll make the reservations.
Break bread,have a few laughs.
Before you know it,we're the ganza mishpucha.
See you later.
Proudly Presents Season 4 Episode 05 "Black" - Hello.
- Hey,nona.
Hey.
Hey.
Yeah,how you doin'? Good.
Just bought a new shop-vac for my garage.
Motor on mine burned out last night.
Oh,yeah.
Well,that'll-- that happens with the shop-vacs with the,uh,motors.
Hey,you know,um,uh,you know, this whole time we've been kinda--ahem-- foolin' around and Oh.
Is that what we've been doing? Well,no,I know.
I know I've acted like--like an idiot,but,uh, here's the thing.
My wife--ahem-- - Oh,here we go.
- No,no.
No.
No.
Look,it's-- she's been hinting this whole time about us kind of getting back together again,and-- Oh,this is making me so hot,tommy.
I just--but hear me out.
Hear me out.
So,I mean,this is good news,actually.
It's-- it's great news,actually.
It-- well,it's shitty news for-- for me and her,but--and-- and the kids,but--and the baby.
But,uh,it's--it's over.
It's done.
So,uh,you know,I'm a-- I am free and clear.
No more marriage.
How 'bout that? How 'bout what? What?What do you want me to say,congratulations? Uh,well,no,what I'm saying is--is that, you know,I'm-- I'm ready.
You know,I'm ready to rock and-- and,uh,roll.
You know,I'm ready to have some-- some really great,hot,steamy, you know,s-sex.
And dinner.
Too.
I--I don't know.
Well,nona,I--I'm-- the reason I'm calling,I'm back to the old me, and--and that-- I know you don't even know that--that me,but I'm-- this is the--you're talkin' to him.
I'm here.
I'm back.
Hello.
Ok,listen to me.
No more bullshit,ok? We eat,we drink,we screw, - and that's it.
You got it? - Got it.
- Tomorrow night.
- Ok.
- I'll pick you up.
- Great.
- 7:30.
- Yes,sir.
What? I--I said,uh-- Yeah,I heard what you said.
Don't say it again.
Ok,I'm sorry.
Good-bye.
Shit.
She makes me nervous.
Theodore.
Shit! Son of a bitch sold me out! For a song.
- He was sick of it.
- Sick of what? The drinking,the farting,the fighting.
The drinking.
I'm not the same man I was when you married me,ellie.
I've changed.
I've had some revelations.
I don't wear pants,and I don't adhere to the rules of society.
I'm a rebel.
All right,well,just put something on,ok? I'm takin' you to rehab right now.
You need to make a decision,theodore,right now.
It's either me or the booze.
You decide right this very instant.
Theodore! I'm thinkin'.
Hello.
Maggie.
You home? Hello.
Hey.
What are you doing here? Well,I--I live here.
I hope.
I mean,that's what I-- about the other day,what I said-- I didn't--I didn't-- I was just frustrated,you know,and I-- I love you,and I'm committed to this relationship, and i don't want a divorce,ok, so can we just--we just pretend that that didn't happen? Hey,who's the dude? That's my ex.
I'm not your e--who the hell is this guy? Oh,I met him in the bar last night.
It's don,right? - Tom.
- Tom.
Right.
Whatever.
You happy for embarrassing me in front of tom? Next time you drop by,you might wanna call first.
I'm not dropping by,maggie.
I live here! All of my stuff is here! I--are you wearing my flip-flops? That's another thing.
About your stuff,think you could pack it up and get it out? I need the extra space.
Oh,you could use the extra space.
For what,more bottles, maggie?Is that what this is-- you're--this is so--I don't-- - I want a divorce.
- You're already getting one! Oh,yeah.
Well,I want a real one this time.
I'm not kidding.
I want a real divorce.
And someday you're gonna realize what you're losing right now,ok? Someday.
Not right now.
Someday,then.
Now--not-- not now.
You know what I'm talking about! Don't you-- forget it.
Just forget it.
How long since you guys split? I'd say about 36 hours ago.
Some people have trouble,uh,movin' on.
You're not one of those people,are you,don? Tom.
I don't think so.
Good.
Then get out.
- Baby?Are you ok? - Yeah.
Yeah,honey.
Give me a second.
Jesus.
Are you sick? I'm fine.
Really,it's,uh-- it's nothing.
Oh,my god,you look awful.
You feel a little warm.
Is it something you ate? No,no,no.
No,I'm good.
Maybe you shouldn't go to the match.
No,no.
Baby,it's hockey, all right.
It's not tennis.
I'm fine,really.
It's just,um, there's,uh--there's something I wanna say to you, and,uh,it's a little major,I guess.
What is it? Oh,shit.
You're breakin' up with me.
Is that it? No,no,no.
Baby,let me talk-- You asshole.
You know,I knew you wouldn't be able to commit.
You are such a goddamn child-- Could you please let me talk? Listen,I love you,nat.
I really do, and I've given this a lot of thought, and,you know,life is,uh-- it's too short,you know.
It's too valuable,and I-- I was hopin' that— Will you marry me? - Are you serious? - Yeah.
Yeah,I'm serious.
Will you? Yes.
Yes,I will marry you,franco.
Yes! Aw,that's great,baby.
I'd seal it with a kiss,but I think I got chunks in my teeth.
Could you get me a clean shirt,please,sweetie? Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey.
Come on in.
Yo,dude,you comin' to the game? We should probably get goin'.
Yeah,I'm--I'm not really in the mood.
- You ok? - Yeah,yeah.
I just-- you know how I need to stay here for a couple of days? I think it might be a little longer than that.
Yeah.
It's all good.
Whatever you need,bro.
All right,cool.
Thanks.
Hey,um,do I have to sleep in here? Yeah.
This is my old room.
Well--are these your dolls? No,they're my mom'S.
Except gerard here.
He's mine.
The rest my mom moved in after I moved out.
It's a nice room,right? Listen--can I,uh-- can I sleep someplace else? There really isn't any other place,sean.
Well.
Come on.
What about your mom's room? You want to sleep in my dead mom's bed? I mean,what-- what are you,sick? No.
All right.
Fine.
Jesus.
I'll stay in here in the valley of the dolls and just be watched.
Um,you can't stay here.
Wait a second.
You just said that I could stay as long as I needed to.
Yeah,I know,but I mean,I have the hockey game.
Ok,well,I-I'm not goin'.
I feel like shit.
My marriage is in shambles,so Yeah,but y-you can't stay in the house alone without me.
Ok,well,I'm not going to the game, mike,so what--what do want me to do, walk the streets until you come home? Pretty much.
Ok.
Thanks,kevin,for your story and your honesty.
Sounds like you're in a good place.
- Theodore-- - Oh.
C-call me teddy.
Teddy,good.
Tell us how you came to be with us and what you hope to achieve during your time here.
Well,to tell you the truth,I just got out of the joint.
I killed a child murderer,piece-of-shit drunk driver.
You may have read about it in the papers.
I'm kind of a folk hero.
Let me tell you, some of the letters I got offerin' me pussy,you wouldn't believe.
Blow your freakin' mind.
I carry a couple of 'em around with me, pull 'em out whenever I need a little pick-me-up.
Check out this one from marcia.
Um,thank you for the offer,teddy, but we want to stay focused on addiction and recovery.
Kind of a downer,but,hey, it's your circle,pal.
Go ahead and jerk it.
You're here to break your addiction to alcohol? Oh,you bet your ass.
I'm gonna take a break for 30 days.
I'm lookin' forward to it.
Well,teddy,it's about more than the next 30 days.
It's about staying sober for the rest of your life.
Oh,no,no,no.
I'm-- I'm just here for the cleansing, you know,recharge my batteries.
Staying sober for the rest of your life? Who the hell would want to do that? Taxi! Wait! Hey,pal,you checking in? I don't know if you read the brochure or not, but one of the big things they expect of you is to stop drinkin' for life! It's lunacy! Think about this long and hard.
This could be the biggest mistake you ever make.
To the nearest bar,jeeves.
Pronto! Think about it.
Tommy! Tommy! Yeah! Did you see that?He looked at me.
He totally remembers me Yes.
Would you please calm down? Ok! Whoo! Whoo! Jeez.
Come on.
F.
D.
N.
Y.
! Come on.
You should have got an assist on that,gavin.
His legs were wide open,for christ's sake.
Jeez.
You're like a turnstile.
I gotta put a token in you these days? I don't really know hockey,but tommy doesn't look like he's playing all that well.
Well,he's played better.
Hey,what took you so long? - Oh,I had to hit the head.
- What,again? You been going a lot.
You ok? Yeah.
I,uh--I asked natalie to marry me today.
- What? - And I said yes.
Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Let me see.
That is amazing,you guys.
Congratulations.
- Now of course it all becomes clear.
- It's gorgeous.
- Let's go,boys! - Come on,guys.
Come on.
Let's go.
Come on,tommy.
Yes! Yes! Kick their ass.
Nice play,gavin.
Thanks,buddy.
Get off.
Jesus.
- You're done.
- What? Oh,my god,you suck.
- What?What are you talkin' about? - You're playin' so stinkin' terrible.
They got their front-- You look like you're suckin' your own dick out there.
You understand what that means? You look like a goddamn fag.
That's their best player.
I mean--he's--you know.
Do I care if it's his best player? You're supposed to be our best player.
You're terrible! Mikey,I want you to go out there.
You-- - you-- - Are you shittin' me? - No.
I'm not shittin' you.
- I've been skatin' on this line for 7 years.
You've been coachin' for what, - a week? - I don't care.
You understand? I don't care.
Mikey,you get out there.
- Come on.
- I'd rather not,izzy.
What do you mean,you'd rather not? That's tommy's line.
I don't care if it's tommy's line.
Get out there now.
All right,I know.
Just replacing tommy,I feel uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable? How about if I stick this stick up your ass? That'll really make you feel uncomfortable.
Now get out there! Go on.
Sorry,man.
And you just sit there and shut up.
Oh,bullshit.
- Just sit there.
- Bullshit.
Sit here and watch.
Maybe you'll learn somethin'.
They're takin' tommy out.
What the hell?! Come on,you guys.
Let's go.
You do not pull tommy gavin,assholes! Get down.
Hey.
What is going on with you and tommy? It is seriously freakin' me out.
What are you talking about? You touched his jeans,and now you're wearing the same pair.
You're wearing the same stupid peacoat that he wears all the time.
It's like you're turning into tommy gavin.
Um,for your information,I had my eye on these jeans long before I ever met tommy,and as for the peacoat, guys all around the world wear them.
It's sort of an established look, has been for a number of years now.
Sailors wear them.
Blah blah blah-- Ok.
Don't you dare say,"blah blah blah.
" I swear to god if you ever say,"blah blah blah," again,I will cut you.
Oh,tommy invented "blah blah blah.
" He owns the rights to "blah blah blah"? You know what I say to that? Blah blah bl-- ow! Mikey! Hey,how 'bout that,huh? Way to go,mike.
Watch the back door! Good match.
- Good game.
- Good game.
Good game,man.
What the hell was that? What are you talking about? See the scoreboard? You kiddin' me? What,your knees shot? - What? - Yeah.
You got cancer or something? Yeah,I got cancer,asshole.
You know,why don't you do yourself a favor,all right? First of all,why don't you put an orange jersey on, 'cause you played like a goddamn pylon today.
- Yeah.
- And secondly, why don't you put yourself in a nice,over-40 league,all right,old man? That's where you belong.
- Oh,yeah,tough guy? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's drop 'em right now.
Come on.
Let's go.
Come on.
I'm not fightin' a third-line guy,tom.
Bonehead.
Shit.
He didn't want to fight.
Hey,buddy.
Hey.
How's tricks? Fine.
You guys like the game the other night? Oh,yeah.
Well,uh,that was his idea.
He's kind of like your biggest fan.
Yeah.
Am I,uh,nuts,or was he,uh, kind of dressed like me the other night? - What--no.
- With the peacoat?No? No.
Ok.
I'll see you later.
Wait.
I--wait,wait,wait,wait,wait.
Wait,wait,wait.
Just wait a minute.
I have something for you.
What's this? I got my insurance money.
Come here.
Get-- Yeah.
That's an advance on your cut.
I can't take this.
Oh,what,you don't need it? Wait.
Just wait a minute.
Just hear me out.
Look,you can use this to start up your girls' college education.
You can-- you can beef up your retirement fund.
You can,um,maybe take some pressure off you and janet so you can-- I don't know,work things out for once.
I mean,look.
This money, it solves a lot of problems for all of us.
All of us? Well,yeah.
I mean,damien's at college,and, you know,I'm padding around that big apartment all by myself, except for when troy decides to come over and-- look,I'm-- I'm pretty lonely, and I got an enormous amount of love to give.
I want you to give me that baby.
- You're crazy.
- No,no,I-- I hate it when you call me crazy.
Just listen to me.
You and janet,have you even bonded with this child at all? Yes,we've bonded with the child.
What?He's,like,7 months old.
He doesn't have a name.
We have been making lists.
Just tryin' to decide.
I love this baby,and that baby loves me.
You saw how we connected.
You saw how he smiled at me,how he was so quiet With me.
I can give that baby the best of everything in life.
And--and you really wanna be taking care of a teenager in 15 years? You give me that baby, and you get your life back.
And not for nothin'.
With this money,it's a life worth living.
You know I'm right.
I can't do it.
A moratorium? Yeah.
Well,it sounds so kinda formal when you say it out loud.
I mean, let's just call it a break.
Look,I love you,theresa,and you're really important to me, you know,but i mean,the way things have been going, I mean,anything we do with our clothes on,it just-- it just feels like filler until we get into bed or-- or into the shower or on top of the kitchen table or in the alley behind the building, you know?I just-- I think that we owe it to each other to put the sex on hold, and let's see what we really have.
And to safeguard against the very real possibility that without a breather,my dick's gonna snap off like a twig.
I love you too,honey.
Well,what do you think? Ok.
To us.
- Ohh.
- That was fun.
Yeah.
It was nice.
- Yeah.
- Thank you - You're welcome.
- For dinner.
- It was good,right? - Yeah.
My pasta was a little mushy.
I-- I don't like it when it's mushy,you know? Garlic bread was good,though.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Where to? Uh,I gotta get to the firehouse.
I'm-- yeah.
I got a tour.
Right this second? No.
I--I got,like,an hour.
Why? Ok,it's not you.
It's,uh-- I--I just--it's been,like, since around that time you pulled me out of that fire.
I-- I was havin' this same problem with this chick I was seein' then.
Oh,good.
And it's just become like this whole mental thing.
I just-- I mean,normally,I'm tellin' you,a strong breeze could give me A Oh,good.
Let's open the window,then.
So confusing.
I swear.
Why?I mean,it happens to-- - most guys go through-- - Oh,please.
Night of the fire,I pulled you out, and you had the biggest,most beautiful hard-on.
Really? Yeah,really.
Yeah.
God.
I remember when I was pulling you out,it was-- it was pokin' through my bunker jacket.
It was-- I thought it was my flashlight at first.
- Really? - Yeah,really.
I mean,we're all standin' there,thinkin' "this guy's unconscious, but he's got a hard-on,so I guess he really likes fire.
" I don't know.
- "We all were" - Yes,yes.
"We all.
" The whole crew.
It was that impressive.
Come here.
Come here.
Give me your hand.
Yeah.
There's the tommy gavin - I was hopin' for.
- Yeah.
What? - In the back.
- Ok.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Jesus.
She knocked ya around pretty good tonight,huh? Got some ass,that broad.
I know you like 'em tall and thin,like me, but every once in a while,it's kinda nice to drive the big bus.
By the way,I wanted to give you a little heads-up.
When's the last time you went to a meetin'? What do you mean? A.
A.
Meeting? Yeah.
What's it to you? Don't mean shit to me,pal, but you,you're a whole different story.
Take a look at the book.
Might shed a little light on a few things.
Prayer for the Day I pray that I may do all I can to love others, in spite of their many faults.
I pray that as I love, so will I be loved.
All right,gather round,gents.
I bring news from the front,one front in particular.
- You know feinberg? - Yeah.
- Who? - The new chief.
The jew chief? - We should use that.
- It works.
Ok,word on the street from several reliable sources, the guy's hung like seabiscuit.
- The horse? - No,the C.
P.
A.
Jesus.
- Where you gettin' this shit? - Oh.
Well,um, barry breeman up in the bronx,not to mention tim green over at 75 truck.
Oh,you mean tim "the tripod" green? Yes.
Now,tim is packing a verified 10 inches.
I've seen pictures,and once,he dropped it into the,uh, punch bowl during their holiday party.
It was like a visit to loch ness.
Now,he claims that the feinberg schlong makes his look like a cocktail frank.
Wait.
Is this like a length thing or a girth thing?Not that I want the mental picture.
Look,breeman worked at feinberg's old house,like,10 years ago, and he saw the thing in the shower once, and it was all he could do to not coil it up and throw it on the back of the rig.
Jesus christ.
What,you think it's, you know,grown since then? - Hi,chief.
Morning.
- Morning,fellas.
Hey.
Printed up some invitations for our party friday night.
- Hope we're still on.
- Yeah.
Yeah,yeah,yeah.
Great.
'Cause all the information's right here.
Ok.
And,uh,if you love barbecue,you're gonna really dig this place.
I mean,nothing but huge chunks of delicious, mouthwatering,succulent meat, huh,cooked to sweet perfection.
I'll tell you,take one bite,you're gonna plotz.
Emes,my hand to god.
And I got a room of our own, so we can,uh,you know,cut loose and have a ball.
See you later.
Anybody else hear a word he said?'Cause all I could hear was, "cock cock,blah-diddy blah,cockity-cock, - cock cock.
" - Yeah,same here, except when he said the words,uh, "delicious,mouthwatering,savory meat," at which point, - all I could hear was myself screaming.
- Wait a second.
When he reached down to scratch his knee just then,you think he was actually scratchin' the tip of his joint? Yeah,jeez,I hope so.
If he was taking a kink out of the middle-- What's with all the,uh-- the jewishisms there.
He's-- he's definitely the jew chief.
What about the super-hung chief? Oh,it's just too much of a mouthful.
- I hear screaming again.
- Hey,tom,it's nona.
Oh,it's nona,the voll--hey,you close that deal yet,ace?! Closed it last night.
Hey,nona.
What's goin' on? Hey.
How you doin'? I'm doin' good.
A little sore from last night,but other than that Um,you alone? Yeah,I'm alone.
What's up? Yeah,I don't want to see you any more.
Right.
Let me--let me call you back on my cell.
Why? I--a bunch of the guys just walked in.
Let me just--I'll call you right back,all right? - Yeah.
- Ok.
Bye.
Gonna call her on the cell.
She wants to whisper sweet nothings.
Hey,what do you want,a little privacy? All right.
Give the guy his privacy.
- Yeah.
- Hey,do-- what's-- what's the problem? Look,it's just not working,tommy.
I-I'm tired of makin' the first move all the time, takin' the first step.
It's hard enough being the woman.
I don't want to be the man,too.
Look,I need a real man.
That's the bottom line.
I am a real man,ok? I mean,if you're talkin' about that-- the time when we were in there in the truck and I couldn't get it up,that was just-- that's never happened to me before.
Ok? And that--that was Hang on a second.
I'm just gonna call fiona.
Her--she has an awning,ok? She has an awning that i couldn't get up on the-- outside of her apartment buildinG.
My shoulder was hurting,ok? Yeah,yeah.
Sure.
Sure.
Listen,you gotta give me a second chance here,ok? I need a man to handle me the way I handled you last night,ok? You know what?I was planning on doing plenty of manhandling,but we got inside that truck,you were like a crazed animal.
You grabbed me, ripped my shirt open.
You know,I mean,I-- I just kind of got-- I was just followin' in your wake,you know.
You were throwin' me around like I was a rag doll.
You were treatin' me like some kind of a sex toy.
At that one point where you flung me from the back seat of the truck into the front seat,I-- I mean,my neck almost snapped in half.
I really-- hang on a second,nona.
Look,tommy,I don't want to hear about death and feelings and penis problems.
Look,I wanna be used.
I wanna be ignored.
I wanna be taken for granted.
There are no more penis problems,ok,and I'm telling you something,ok? Using and ignoring,those are,like, A-and takin' chicks for granted,I'm the king of takin' chicks for granted.
I mean, ask my wife.
Ask sheila,ok? She'll tell you.
- Good-bye,tommy.
- Nona,come on.
No--.
How's it goin' there,princess? Everything all right? Sex toy? That's nice.
So,uh,what do you think,kid? Who you callin' kid? Sorry.
Uh,bart.
Look,we got a great house-- lots of calls,lots of action.
Yeah,tons of pussy in the neighborhood.
Great group of guys to hang with.
I still don't see why I should come play for you.
I mean,you guys seem pretty cool,but I got 4 other offers on the table.
The guys at 68 truck offered to buy me 6 new pairs of nikes.
Engine 335 offered me a hyundai.
- Hyundai? - A car.
One of the guys was gonna sell it, but he said I could use it to get back and forth to work and to the games.
Guess my question is what are you prepared to do for me? Well,what would you like us to do for you? Truth be told,I don't need a car.
I ride the subway.
And I can drop 40 points on you guys wearin' penny loafers.
All I want to do is fight fires and play ball.
- What do you say to that? - We're definitely interested.
I don't mop nothin',shine nothin',cook nothin',clean nothin'.
I don't run errands,make beds.
I don't hump equipment.
So in other words,you don't do probie work.
Right.
And another thing.
Nobody calls me probie or kid or junior or new guy.
That shit don't fly with me.
Do not call me probie.
You got it.
Bart it is.
No.
Don't call me bart,either.
I hate that name.
I've always hated it.
I wanna be called shawn.
Shawn? Yeah.
It's got a nice little ring to it.
I was gonna go with d'shawn,but it felt a little like a black cliche.
Plus,I don't wanna write extra letters when I sign my name.
We already have a sean in the house,though.
That's not my problem.
All right.
Shawn it is.
Sounds simple enough.
Yeah.
I guess we could manage that.
There's no guessing involved.
Either take the deal, or I go collect my hyundai.
Welcome to 62 truck,shawn.
A salaam alaikum.
Hello.
Hey.
Hey.
He hates us.
He hates all of us.
Where's your mother? I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know? What's goin' on? He hates us for bringing him into this stupid, - awful family.
- Hey.
Hey.
Come over here.
Come here.
What are you talkin' about? Mommy hates him.
She says he's killing her.
She cries all the time when you're not here.
- And I hate him,too! - Hey.
I want connor to come back,and I want that baby to be dead! Hey--you--hey,come back here.
Where the hell have you been? What?I just went around the corner.
I was gone 10 minutes.
Tommy,so what am I supposed to do,huh? You've been gone for 4 days.
I'm here all by myself.
You know,I have needs,too,tommy.
That's--that's great.
Shit.
When were you plannin' on tellin' me about that? Didn't want to spoil the surprise.
Jet-black.
Yeah.
Well,a week ago,it was peach fuzz.
You want some? Well,I--just because hair is black,doesn't necessarily mean that he's definitely johnny's kid,right? Whose is he,then? You tell me.
Aw,just go to hell.
You know Great.
- Is that-- - Shut up,asshole! What do you got,8 years on the job? I was standin' right next to him-- Shut up! It was jerry's life, and he made a choice,and obviously is was a pretty severe choice, but you wanna know somethin'? I give the guy all the respect I have for goin' out on his own terms.
I think he's all gavin-- half johnny,half you.
Ok,you know what? This-- if he was half johnny,he-- he'd hate me.
And he's got the blond peach fuzz comin' in.
Yeah,but that doesn't mean anything.
In a couple of months,he could end up with a full head of jet-black hair.
Oh,goddamn it,jimmy! I want that probie! You guys have a solid basketball team.
You've won 5 out of the last 8 division championships.
You're datin' the guy who saved your life? Yeah.
You are so cute.
Yeah,he loves you.
He talks-- That's not--we don't need to--ok.
What do you want it to say? Um,"to troy.
Your buddy,tommy.
" He's so cute.
So you two seem to be getting along famously.
I know.
I have the baby magic.
Ok.
- Oh,no,no.
- Yeah.
No,let me take the baby.
Ah,he gets a little cranky at lunch.
It's done.
That--that thing,that chemistry-- - we don't have that thing anymore.
I'm starting to have that thing-- - You don't have that thing for me anymore.
- I do.
My thing is just having A You have never not gotten hard for me.
It's just--I--it's not you.
Michael,your mom,she's passed.
Maybe I'd come and hang out with you,you know, lift your spirits a little.
That's really cool,sean.
I forgot,like,what a good friend you can be.
Plus I might be gettin' a divorce.
Ok.
Shh.
Yeah,I just finished shopping.
Hey,honey.
Come on.
Just a few seconds,ok? Please? Help mommy get--sweetie.
Ok.
Ok.
Did you hear that? I need to know if you're coming home tonight.
Yeah,I'm comin' home.
Honey,I'm in the middle of a tour.
The day's just started,and he's already making me insane.
Well,what do you want me to do about it? He cried the whole time in the market.
People were staring at me, you know,like I was poking him with a stick or something when they weren't looking.
I gotta go.
Say hello to prince for me.
- Hey.
- What's up? I haven't heard from you in almost 4 days.
I've been busy.
- Oh,my god.
- What? Jesus christ! Shit! Mom? Mom! Oh,my god.
My baby.
Oh,my god.
We can't put him in the shitter.
It's just not right.
Wait a second.
I just said that.
Why doesn't anybody listen to me? To preserve our sanity.
Can't have him sittin' here on the table,'cause it's just-- I don't know.
Just eatin' dinner,dead guy starin' at you.
It's disturbing.
You know what? What if it's not really the chief in there? Hey,no,the kid's got a point.
I mean, it's ashes.
For all we know,could be anna nicole smith.
Well,does silicone burn? Not in that quantity.
Seriously,I mean,that really could not be him.
Funeral homes make that kind of mistake all the time,right? - Like when they bury the wrong corpse.
- Shut up,sean.
I mean,most funeral homes are-- are careful and honest.
You're right.
I'm-- your mom,I'm sure,is planted exactly where she's supposed to be.
I-- - all right.
I'm gonna look.
- Hey,hey!What are you doing? Hey!I've never seen ashes before.
You little grave-robbin' ghoul,you.
Come on.
- Leave the chief alone.
- All right.
- Show a little respect for the dead.
- All right.
How would you like somebody poking through your ashes? - All right.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Ah,screw it,right? Not like he's gonna know.
Oh,cool.
Wow.
Looks like the bottom of my dustbuster.
Hey,is that a tooth? Well,definitely not anna nicole's ashes.
Why's that? 'Cause if they were,we'd all have a contact high by now.
Can't believe the chief's actually in there.
It's kind of creepy.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Spooky.
Oh,jesus christ! What the hell is wrong with you guys? Nothin'.
Anyway,needles wants to see us all upstairs in the locker room pronto.
Let's go.
Looks like the chief's putting on a little weight.
Listen,jerry was a great guy and a great firefighter, so i got--I got big shoes to fill,but,uh, I'm not gonna push.
I'll get used to you guys,you'll get used to me, and before you know it,we'll find a groove.
And I can tell you from experience,chief feinberg, he's one of the good ones.
He'll treat you fair,won't break your balls.
Man's a prince.
You owe me 20.
Try to collect,you little shit.
Call me chief sid,chief sidney,chief whatever.
Just don't call me chief feinberg.
Chief feinberg was my father.
He's been dead many years.
He was a mitzvah,believe me.
Read the bullshit.
Ok,we're gonna use young garrity's locker for a little show and tell.
What? Now,as of today,F.
D.
N.
Y.
Says Because of the equal opportunity Ah,equal employment.
Settle down.
Certain items will no longer be allowed in our lockers.
Excuse me.
I-in our personal lockers? Which are open sometime when there are others in the room.
- Oh,yeah.
- Oh,my god.
Yeah? "No displays of sexual,ethnic,religious,and/or racial themes in a derogatory manner" Sexual,racial,religious,ethnic.
What's left? Nothin'.
American flags and - mass cards are acceptable.
- Oh,great.
Yeah,those are hilarious.
Yeah,great.
So much for the separationf church and state.
- What's that? - Exactly.
You know,look.
Now,I don't know about you guys, but I need naked chick pictures in my locker,all right? I mean,you know,I come back from a job, I'm thinking of rubbing one out in the shower, lookin' at an american flag ain't gonna grease the rails,you know what I mean? I mean,don't get me wrong.
I love the american flag,but, you know,I'm used to salutin' it,not jerkin' off to it.
Whoa.
Wait a second.
Are you jerkin' off in this shower here? Sometimes.
I'm buying some flip-flops,like,6 pairs.
Ok,can we focus,please? Garrity,for example,you have to get rid of this,uh, centerfold,the cartoon of the arab hijacker this picture of your mother.
Wait a second.
What the hell's wrong with the picture of my ma? She got a cock on her face.
Goddamn it!Which-- which one of you drew a cock on my mother's face? It was you,wasn't it? Wh-what's with the finger? What are you lookin' at me for? Well,you do like to draw cocks.
Yeah,cocks and world war ii air battles.
True.
Now,if she had a cock and a world war ii air battle on her face, then I could possibly see him eyeing me as suspect number one-- All right,come on.
Which one of you assholes did it?I'm serious.
Maybe it was y-your dad,you know, trying to get your mom thinkin' in a certain direction.
This is the second time this has happened,boys,all right? And the last time,by the way, 'cause if it happens again,I'm gonna find out who did it, and I'm gonna go to your actual mom's house, and I'm gonna draw a real cock on her real face,ok? Except for you,mike,of course, 'cause your mom just-- you know,she's dead.
You know?The rest of you,oh,yeah.
Well,my mom's dead.
You--you went to her funeral.
It was 2 years ago.
Yeah.
My mom died 10 years ago,sean.
I'm sorry to hear that.
My mom is very much alive.
Though she actually has a-- a cock tattoo right here,uh,on her lower lip.
- You can barely notice it,really.
- Well,it's faded.
- Assholes,all of you.
- You know that?Bye.
Tell your mom we said hello.
- Clear 'em out,guys.
- Clear 'em out.
Locker inspections are scheduled.
Could happen as soon as tomorrow.
Listen,uh,as a way of getting to know each other, I'd like to take you all out to dinner.
I know a great barbecue spot underneath the williamsburg bridge.
You can bring your wives,your girlfriends,whatever.
Friday sound good? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Friday's--friday's great,chief.
- Thanks a lot.
Thanks,chief.
- Fantastic.
Great.
I'll make the reservations.
Break bread,have a few laughs.
Before you know it,we're the ganza mishpucha.
See you later.
Proudly Presents Season 4 Episode 05 "Black" - Hello.
- Hey,nona.
Hey.
Hey.
Yeah,how you doin'? Good.
Just bought a new shop-vac for my garage.
Motor on mine burned out last night.
Oh,yeah.
Well,that'll-- that happens with the shop-vacs with the,uh,motors.
Hey,you know,um,uh,you know, this whole time we've been kinda--ahem-- foolin' around and Oh.
Is that what we've been doing? Well,no,I know.
I know I've acted like--like an idiot,but,uh, here's the thing.
My wife--ahem-- - Oh,here we go.
- No,no.
No.
No.
Look,it's-- she's been hinting this whole time about us kind of getting back together again,and-- Oh,this is making me so hot,tommy.
I just--but hear me out.
Hear me out.
So,I mean,this is good news,actually.
It's-- it's great news,actually.
It-- well,it's shitty news for-- for me and her,but--and-- and the kids,but--and the baby.
But,uh,it's--it's over.
It's done.
So,uh,you know,I'm a-- I am free and clear.
No more marriage.
How 'bout that? How 'bout what? What?What do you want me to say,congratulations? Uh,well,no,what I'm saying is--is that, you know,I'm-- I'm ready.
You know,I'm ready to rock and-- and,uh,roll.
You know,I'm ready to have some-- some really great,hot,steamy, you know,s-sex.
And dinner.
Too.
I--I don't know.
Well,nona,I--I'm-- the reason I'm calling,I'm back to the old me, and--and that-- I know you don't even know that--that me,but I'm-- this is the--you're talkin' to him.
I'm here.
I'm back.
Hello.
Ok,listen to me.
No more bullshit,ok? We eat,we drink,we screw, - and that's it.
You got it? - Got it.
- Tomorrow night.
- Ok.
- I'll pick you up.
- Great.
- 7:30.
- Yes,sir.
What? I--I said,uh-- Yeah,I heard what you said.
Don't say it again.
Ok,I'm sorry.
Good-bye.
Shit.
She makes me nervous.
Theodore.
Shit! Son of a bitch sold me out! For a song.
- He was sick of it.
- Sick of what? The drinking,the farting,the fighting.
The drinking.
I'm not the same man I was when you married me,ellie.
I've changed.
I've had some revelations.
I don't wear pants,and I don't adhere to the rules of society.
I'm a rebel.
All right,well,just put something on,ok? I'm takin' you to rehab right now.
You need to make a decision,theodore,right now.
It's either me or the booze.
You decide right this very instant.
Theodore! I'm thinkin'.
Hello.
Maggie.
You home? Hello.
Hey.
What are you doing here? Well,I--I live here.
I hope.
I mean,that's what I-- about the other day,what I said-- I didn't--I didn't-- I was just frustrated,you know,and I-- I love you,and I'm committed to this relationship, and i don't want a divorce,ok, so can we just--we just pretend that that didn't happen? Hey,who's the dude? That's my ex.
I'm not your e--who the hell is this guy? Oh,I met him in the bar last night.
It's don,right? - Tom.
- Tom.
Right.
Whatever.
You happy for embarrassing me in front of tom? Next time you drop by,you might wanna call first.
I'm not dropping by,maggie.
I live here! All of my stuff is here! I--are you wearing my flip-flops? That's another thing.
About your stuff,think you could pack it up and get it out? I need the extra space.
Oh,you could use the extra space.
For what,more bottles, maggie?Is that what this is-- you're--this is so--I don't-- - I want a divorce.
- You're already getting one! Oh,yeah.
Well,I want a real one this time.
I'm not kidding.
I want a real divorce.
And someday you're gonna realize what you're losing right now,ok? Someday.
Not right now.
Someday,then.
Now--not-- not now.
You know what I'm talking about! Don't you-- forget it.
Just forget it.
How long since you guys split? I'd say about 36 hours ago.
Some people have trouble,uh,movin' on.
You're not one of those people,are you,don? Tom.
I don't think so.
Good.
Then get out.
- Baby?Are you ok? - Yeah.
Yeah,honey.
Give me a second.
Jesus.
Are you sick? I'm fine.
Really,it's,uh-- it's nothing.
Oh,my god,you look awful.
You feel a little warm.
Is it something you ate? No,no,no.
No,I'm good.
Maybe you shouldn't go to the match.
No,no.
Baby,it's hockey, all right.
It's not tennis.
I'm fine,really.
It's just,um, there's,uh--there's something I wanna say to you, and,uh,it's a little major,I guess.
What is it? Oh,shit.
You're breakin' up with me.
Is that it? No,no,no.
Baby,let me talk-- You asshole.
You know,I knew you wouldn't be able to commit.
You are such a goddamn child-- Could you please let me talk? Listen,I love you,nat.
I really do, and I've given this a lot of thought, and,you know,life is,uh-- it's too short,you know.
It's too valuable,and I-- I was hopin' that— Will you marry me? - Are you serious? - Yeah.
Yeah,I'm serious.
Will you? Yes.
Yes,I will marry you,franco.
Yes! Aw,that's great,baby.
I'd seal it with a kiss,but I think I got chunks in my teeth.
Could you get me a clean shirt,please,sweetie? Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey.
Come on in.
Yo,dude,you comin' to the game? We should probably get goin'.
Yeah,I'm--I'm not really in the mood.
- You ok? - Yeah,yeah.
I just-- you know how I need to stay here for a couple of days? I think it might be a little longer than that.
Yeah.
It's all good.
Whatever you need,bro.
All right,cool.
Thanks.
Hey,um,do I have to sleep in here? Yeah.
This is my old room.
Well--are these your dolls? No,they're my mom'S.
Except gerard here.
He's mine.
The rest my mom moved in after I moved out.
It's a nice room,right? Listen--can I,uh-- can I sleep someplace else? There really isn't any other place,sean.
Well.
Come on.
What about your mom's room? You want to sleep in my dead mom's bed? I mean,what-- what are you,sick? No.
All right.
Fine.
Jesus.
I'll stay in here in the valley of the dolls and just be watched.
Um,you can't stay here.
Wait a second.
You just said that I could stay as long as I needed to.
Yeah,I know,but I mean,I have the hockey game.
Ok,well,I-I'm not goin'.
I feel like shit.
My marriage is in shambles,so Yeah,but y-you can't stay in the house alone without me.
Ok,well,I'm not going to the game, mike,so what--what do want me to do, walk the streets until you come home? Pretty much.
Ok.
Thanks,kevin,for your story and your honesty.
Sounds like you're in a good place.
- Theodore-- - Oh.
C-call me teddy.
Teddy,good.
Tell us how you came to be with us and what you hope to achieve during your time here.
Well,to tell you the truth,I just got out of the joint.
I killed a child murderer,piece-of-shit drunk driver.
You may have read about it in the papers.
I'm kind of a folk hero.
Let me tell you, some of the letters I got offerin' me pussy,you wouldn't believe.
Blow your freakin' mind.
I carry a couple of 'em around with me, pull 'em out whenever I need a little pick-me-up.
Check out this one from marcia.
Um,thank you for the offer,teddy, but we want to stay focused on addiction and recovery.
Kind of a downer,but,hey, it's your circle,pal.
Go ahead and jerk it.
You're here to break your addiction to alcohol? Oh,you bet your ass.
I'm gonna take a break for 30 days.
I'm lookin' forward to it.
Well,teddy,it's about more than the next 30 days.
It's about staying sober for the rest of your life.
Oh,no,no,no.
I'm-- I'm just here for the cleansing, you know,recharge my batteries.
Staying sober for the rest of your life? Who the hell would want to do that? Taxi! Wait! Hey,pal,you checking in? I don't know if you read the brochure or not, but one of the big things they expect of you is to stop drinkin' for life! It's lunacy! Think about this long and hard.
This could be the biggest mistake you ever make.
To the nearest bar,jeeves.
Pronto! Think about it.
Tommy! Tommy! Yeah! Did you see that?He looked at me.
He totally remembers me Yes.
Would you please calm down? Ok! Whoo! Whoo! Jeez.
Come on.
F.
D.
N.
Y.
! Come on.
You should have got an assist on that,gavin.
His legs were wide open,for christ's sake.
Jeez.
You're like a turnstile.
I gotta put a token in you these days? I don't really know hockey,but tommy doesn't look like he's playing all that well.
Well,he's played better.
Hey,what took you so long? - Oh,I had to hit the head.
- What,again? You been going a lot.
You ok? Yeah.
I,uh--I asked natalie to marry me today.
- What? - And I said yes.
Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Let me see.
That is amazing,you guys.
Congratulations.
- Now of course it all becomes clear.
- It's gorgeous.
- Let's go,boys! - Come on,guys.
Come on.
Let's go.
Come on,tommy.
Yes! Yes! Kick their ass.
Nice play,gavin.
Thanks,buddy.
Get off.
Jesus.
- You're done.
- What? Oh,my god,you suck.
- What?What are you talkin' about? - You're playin' so stinkin' terrible.
They got their front-- You look like you're suckin' your own dick out there.
You understand what that means? You look like a goddamn fag.
That's their best player.
I mean--he's--you know.
Do I care if it's his best player? You're supposed to be our best player.
You're terrible! Mikey,I want you to go out there.
You-- - you-- - Are you shittin' me? - No.
I'm not shittin' you.
- I've been skatin' on this line for 7 years.
You've been coachin' for what, - a week? - I don't care.
You understand? I don't care.
Mikey,you get out there.
- Come on.
- I'd rather not,izzy.
What do you mean,you'd rather not? That's tommy's line.
I don't care if it's tommy's line.
Get out there now.
All right,I know.
Just replacing tommy,I feel uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable? How about if I stick this stick up your ass? That'll really make you feel uncomfortable.
Now get out there! Go on.
Sorry,man.
And you just sit there and shut up.
Oh,bullshit.
- Just sit there.
- Bullshit.
Sit here and watch.
Maybe you'll learn somethin'.
They're takin' tommy out.
What the hell?! Come on,you guys.
Let's go.
You do not pull tommy gavin,assholes! Get down.
Hey.
What is going on with you and tommy? It is seriously freakin' me out.
What are you talking about? You touched his jeans,and now you're wearing the same pair.
You're wearing the same stupid peacoat that he wears all the time.
It's like you're turning into tommy gavin.
Um,for your information,I had my eye on these jeans long before I ever met tommy,and as for the peacoat, guys all around the world wear them.
It's sort of an established look, has been for a number of years now.
Sailors wear them.
Blah blah blah-- Ok.
Don't you dare say,"blah blah blah.
" I swear to god if you ever say,"blah blah blah," again,I will cut you.
Oh,tommy invented "blah blah blah.
" He owns the rights to "blah blah blah"? You know what I say to that? Blah blah bl-- ow! Mikey! Hey,how 'bout that,huh? Way to go,mike.
Watch the back door! Good match.
- Good game.
- Good game.
Good game,man.
What the hell was that? What are you talking about? See the scoreboard? You kiddin' me? What,your knees shot? - What? - Yeah.
You got cancer or something? Yeah,I got cancer,asshole.
You know,why don't you do yourself a favor,all right? First of all,why don't you put an orange jersey on, 'cause you played like a goddamn pylon today.
- Yeah.
- And secondly, why don't you put yourself in a nice,over-40 league,all right,old man? That's where you belong.
- Oh,yeah,tough guy? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's drop 'em right now.
Come on.
Let's go.
Come on.
I'm not fightin' a third-line guy,tom.
Bonehead.
Shit.
He didn't want to fight.
Hey,buddy.
Hey.
How's tricks? Fine.
You guys like the game the other night? Oh,yeah.
Well,uh,that was his idea.
He's kind of like your biggest fan.
Yeah.
Am I,uh,nuts,or was he,uh, kind of dressed like me the other night? - What--no.
- With the peacoat?No? No.
Ok.
I'll see you later.
Wait.
I--wait,wait,wait,wait,wait.
Wait,wait,wait.
Just wait a minute.
I have something for you.
What's this? I got my insurance money.
Come here.
Get-- Yeah.
That's an advance on your cut.
I can't take this.
Oh,what,you don't need it? Wait.
Just wait a minute.
Just hear me out.
Look,you can use this to start up your girls' college education.
You can-- you can beef up your retirement fund.
You can,um,maybe take some pressure off you and janet so you can-- I don't know,work things out for once.
I mean,look.
This money, it solves a lot of problems for all of us.
All of us? Well,yeah.
I mean,damien's at college,and, you know,I'm padding around that big apartment all by myself, except for when troy decides to come over and-- look,I'm-- I'm pretty lonely, and I got an enormous amount of love to give.
I want you to give me that baby.
- You're crazy.
- No,no,I-- I hate it when you call me crazy.
Just listen to me.
You and janet,have you even bonded with this child at all? Yes,we've bonded with the child.
What?He's,like,7 months old.
He doesn't have a name.
We have been making lists.
Just tryin' to decide.
I love this baby,and that baby loves me.
You saw how we connected.
You saw how he smiled at me,how he was so quiet With me.
I can give that baby the best of everything in life.
And--and you really wanna be taking care of a teenager in 15 years? You give me that baby, and you get your life back.
And not for nothin'.
With this money,it's a life worth living.
You know I'm right.
I can't do it.
A moratorium? Yeah.
Well,it sounds so kinda formal when you say it out loud.
I mean, let's just call it a break.
Look,I love you,theresa,and you're really important to me, you know,but i mean,the way things have been going, I mean,anything we do with our clothes on,it just-- it just feels like filler until we get into bed or-- or into the shower or on top of the kitchen table or in the alley behind the building, you know?I just-- I think that we owe it to each other to put the sex on hold, and let's see what we really have.
And to safeguard against the very real possibility that without a breather,my dick's gonna snap off like a twig.
I love you too,honey.
Well,what do you think? Ok.
To us.
- Ohh.
- That was fun.
Yeah.
It was nice.
- Yeah.
- Thank you - You're welcome.
- For dinner.
- It was good,right? - Yeah.
My pasta was a little mushy.
I-- I don't like it when it's mushy,you know? Garlic bread was good,though.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Where to? Uh,I gotta get to the firehouse.
I'm-- yeah.
I got a tour.
Right this second? No.
I--I got,like,an hour.
Why? Ok,it's not you.
It's,uh-- I--I just--it's been,like, since around that time you pulled me out of that fire.
I-- I was havin' this same problem with this chick I was seein' then.
Oh,good.
And it's just become like this whole mental thing.
I just-- I mean,normally,I'm tellin' you,a strong breeze could give me A Oh,good.
Let's open the window,then.
So confusing.
I swear.
Why?I mean,it happens to-- - most guys go through-- - Oh,please.
Night of the fire,I pulled you out, and you had the biggest,most beautiful hard-on.
Really? Yeah,really.
Yeah.
God.
I remember when I was pulling you out,it was-- it was pokin' through my bunker jacket.
It was-- I thought it was my flashlight at first.
- Really? - Yeah,really.
I mean,we're all standin' there,thinkin' "this guy's unconscious, but he's got a hard-on,so I guess he really likes fire.
" I don't know.
- "We all were" - Yes,yes.
"We all.
" The whole crew.
It was that impressive.
Come here.
Come here.
Give me your hand.
Yeah.
There's the tommy gavin - I was hopin' for.
- Yeah.
What? - In the back.
- Ok.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Jesus.
She knocked ya around pretty good tonight,huh? Got some ass,that broad.
I know you like 'em tall and thin,like me, but every once in a while,it's kinda nice to drive the big bus.
By the way,I wanted to give you a little heads-up.
When's the last time you went to a meetin'? What do you mean? A.
A.
Meeting? Yeah.
What's it to you? Don't mean shit to me,pal, but you,you're a whole different story.
Take a look at the book.
Might shed a little light on a few things.
Prayer for the Day I pray that I may do all I can to love others, in spite of their many faults.
I pray that as I love, so will I be loved.
All right,gather round,gents.
I bring news from the front,one front in particular.
- You know feinberg? - Yeah.
- Who? - The new chief.
The jew chief? - We should use that.
- It works.
Ok,word on the street from several reliable sources, the guy's hung like seabiscuit.
- The horse? - No,the C.
P.
A.
Jesus.
- Where you gettin' this shit? - Oh.
Well,um, barry breeman up in the bronx,not to mention tim green over at 75 truck.
Oh,you mean tim "the tripod" green? Yes.
Now,tim is packing a verified 10 inches.
I've seen pictures,and once,he dropped it into the,uh, punch bowl during their holiday party.
It was like a visit to loch ness.
Now,he claims that the feinberg schlong makes his look like a cocktail frank.
Wait.
Is this like a length thing or a girth thing?Not that I want the mental picture.
Look,breeman worked at feinberg's old house,like,10 years ago, and he saw the thing in the shower once, and it was all he could do to not coil it up and throw it on the back of the rig.
Jesus christ.
What,you think it's, you know,grown since then? - Hi,chief.
Morning.
- Morning,fellas.
Hey.
Printed up some invitations for our party friday night.
- Hope we're still on.
- Yeah.
Yeah,yeah,yeah.
Great.
'Cause all the information's right here.
Ok.
And,uh,if you love barbecue,you're gonna really dig this place.
I mean,nothing but huge chunks of delicious, mouthwatering,succulent meat, huh,cooked to sweet perfection.
I'll tell you,take one bite,you're gonna plotz.
Emes,my hand to god.
And I got a room of our own, so we can,uh,you know,cut loose and have a ball.
See you later.
Anybody else hear a word he said?'Cause all I could hear was, "cock cock,blah-diddy blah,cockity-cock, - cock cock.
" - Yeah,same here, except when he said the words,uh, "delicious,mouthwatering,savory meat," at which point, - all I could hear was myself screaming.
- Wait a second.
When he reached down to scratch his knee just then,you think he was actually scratchin' the tip of his joint? Yeah,jeez,I hope so.
If he was taking a kink out of the middle-- What's with all the,uh-- the jewishisms there.
He's-- he's definitely the jew chief.
What about the super-hung chief? Oh,it's just too much of a mouthful.
- I hear screaming again.
- Hey,tom,it's nona.
Oh,it's nona,the voll--hey,you close that deal yet,ace?! Closed it last night.
Hey,nona.
What's goin' on? Hey.
How you doin'? I'm doin' good.
A little sore from last night,but other than that Um,you alone? Yeah,I'm alone.
What's up? Yeah,I don't want to see you any more.
Right.
Let me--let me call you back on my cell.
Why? I--a bunch of the guys just walked in.
Let me just--I'll call you right back,all right? - Yeah.
- Ok.
Bye.
Gonna call her on the cell.
She wants to whisper sweet nothings.
Hey,what do you want,a little privacy? All right.
Give the guy his privacy.
- Yeah.
- Hey,do-- what's-- what's the problem? Look,it's just not working,tommy.
I-I'm tired of makin' the first move all the time, takin' the first step.
It's hard enough being the woman.
I don't want to be the man,too.
Look,I need a real man.
That's the bottom line.
I am a real man,ok? I mean,if you're talkin' about that-- the time when we were in there in the truck and I couldn't get it up,that was just-- that's never happened to me before.
Ok? And that--that was Hang on a second.
I'm just gonna call fiona.
Her--she has an awning,ok? She has an awning that i couldn't get up on the-- outside of her apartment buildinG.
My shoulder was hurting,ok? Yeah,yeah.
Sure.
Sure.
Listen,you gotta give me a second chance here,ok? I need a man to handle me the way I handled you last night,ok? You know what?I was planning on doing plenty of manhandling,but we got inside that truck,you were like a crazed animal.
You grabbed me, ripped my shirt open.
You know,I mean,I-- I just kind of got-- I was just followin' in your wake,you know.
You were throwin' me around like I was a rag doll.
You were treatin' me like some kind of a sex toy.
At that one point where you flung me from the back seat of the truck into the front seat,I-- I mean,my neck almost snapped in half.
I really-- hang on a second,nona.
Look,tommy,I don't want to hear about death and feelings and penis problems.
Look,I wanna be used.
I wanna be ignored.
I wanna be taken for granted.
There are no more penis problems,ok,and I'm telling you something,ok? Using and ignoring,those are,like, A-and takin' chicks for granted,I'm the king of takin' chicks for granted.
I mean, ask my wife.
Ask sheila,ok? She'll tell you.
- Good-bye,tommy.
- Nona,come on.
No--.
How's it goin' there,princess? Everything all right? Sex toy? That's nice.
So,uh,what do you think,kid? Who you callin' kid? Sorry.
Uh,bart.
Look,we got a great house-- lots of calls,lots of action.
Yeah,tons of pussy in the neighborhood.
Great group of guys to hang with.
I still don't see why I should come play for you.
I mean,you guys seem pretty cool,but I got 4 other offers on the table.
The guys at 68 truck offered to buy me 6 new pairs of nikes.
Engine 335 offered me a hyundai.
- Hyundai? - A car.
One of the guys was gonna sell it, but he said I could use it to get back and forth to work and to the games.
Guess my question is what are you prepared to do for me? Well,what would you like us to do for you? Truth be told,I don't need a car.
I ride the subway.
And I can drop 40 points on you guys wearin' penny loafers.
All I want to do is fight fires and play ball.
- What do you say to that? - We're definitely interested.
I don't mop nothin',shine nothin',cook nothin',clean nothin'.
I don't run errands,make beds.
I don't hump equipment.
So in other words,you don't do probie work.
Right.
And another thing.
Nobody calls me probie or kid or junior or new guy.
That shit don't fly with me.
Do not call me probie.
You got it.
Bart it is.
No.
Don't call me bart,either.
I hate that name.
I've always hated it.
I wanna be called shawn.
Shawn? Yeah.
It's got a nice little ring to it.
I was gonna go with d'shawn,but it felt a little like a black cliche.
Plus,I don't wanna write extra letters when I sign my name.
We already have a sean in the house,though.
That's not my problem.
All right.
Shawn it is.
Sounds simple enough.
Yeah.
I guess we could manage that.
There's no guessing involved.
Either take the deal, or I go collect my hyundai.
Welcome to 62 truck,shawn.
A salaam alaikum.
Hello.
Hey.
Hey.
He hates us.
He hates all of us.
Where's your mother? I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know? What's goin' on? He hates us for bringing him into this stupid, - awful family.
- Hey.
Hey.
Come over here.
Come here.
What are you talkin' about? Mommy hates him.
She says he's killing her.
She cries all the time when you're not here.
- And I hate him,too! - Hey.
I want connor to come back,and I want that baby to be dead! Hey--you--hey,come back here.
Where the hell have you been? What?I just went around the corner.
I was gone 10 minutes.
Tommy,so what am I supposed to do,huh? You've been gone for 4 days.
I'm here all by myself.
You know,I have needs,too,tommy.
That's--that's great.
Shit.
When were you plannin' on tellin' me about that? Didn't want to spoil the surprise.
Jet-black.
Yeah.
Well,a week ago,it was peach fuzz.
You want some? Well,I--just because hair is black,doesn't necessarily mean that he's definitely johnny's kid,right? Whose is he,then? You tell me.
Aw,just go to hell.
You know Great.