Son of a Critch (2022) s04e05 Episode Script

1
ADULT MARK (V.O.): We
all hide behind a mask.
But in Mr. Lewis's theatre class,
I felt as though I had
finally taken mine off.
Commedia dell'arte!
It's Italian mask work.
Come on, start moving around.
But how can we act if
you can't see our faces?
Nothing makes you lose
your inhibition like a mask.
You only really get to know someone
When you can't tell who they are.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
[BELL RINGS]
Okay, take a mask home.
See who it reveals.
Have fun.
- STUDENT: Come on, let's go.
- [LAUGHTER]
- STUDENT: Watch out!
- [LAUGHTER]
Mark! Wait a minute.
Yes, sir?
Booked a film role.
Whoa!
Are you gonna quit your job?
Ah, it's more of an indie flick.
Ah, art house. Good.
I don't wanna sell out either.
It's an educational film.
It's a short, really.
It's part of a program
to get girls to consider
non-traditional careers.
Produced by the school board,
the provincial advisory
council for the status of women,
and a grant from the federal government.
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
In Canada, the major studio
was the taxpayer.
MR LEWIS: So, the director
is looking for teenagers,
and I recommended you.
I
I-I-I don't know what to say.
Thank you!
Here.
You're playing "Brad."
The address is on there.
See you tomorrow, okay? 7 am.
Yeah.
Oh, one thing, though.
You need to know how to play pool.
Pool?
Pssht! Call me Minnesota fats.
Very good.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): If there was
one thing I knew nothing about,
it was pool.
But what was acting, if not lying?
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Now, Mr. Murphy here
has spent the last 50 years
building a radio empire.
Almost as big as my used car empire.
Now, I've sold more cars in
Newfoundland than anyone else,
and every one of those cars had a radio.
I've sold more radios than Radio Shack.
So I think I know a thing or
two about the radio business!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Bill Bartlett.
Owner of Bartlett's Bargain Cars,
and new owner of VOCM.
Now, when I heard Murph
say he was gonna pack it in,
I knew the time had come
for me to pack it "out,"
to expand!
And Murph, I don't want you to worry,
we're gonna take the station
you and your family built
and we're gonna use it to expand,
to build something bigger.
Better. Higher.
Wider. Longer.
Faster
Harder.
Now, let's have a toast
to your retirement.
And let's make it classy.
We got shots!
MAN: [BACKGROUND] Shots! Hey-hey!
Boy, Mike what did I do?
Your best, sir.
You think he's gonna keep us all on?
VOCM has always found a way to survive,
and it always will.
I hear he's gonna gut the place.
Okay! Here we go!
To VOCM owners, old and new!
Because a used radio
station is like a used car.
Geez, Mike, you didn't touch your drink!
You don't wanna have a toast with me?
Uh, no, sir, no. I just
I'm not much of a drinker.
I mean, here I am, trying
to get to know my new people.
How am I supposed to know ya if
you won't have a drink with me?
[GLASSES CLINK]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING IN BAR]
BILL: Cheers. Now, listen
I got some big plans.
We gotta modernize this place.
We need new blood.
We need a transfusion.
I got ideas to take
VOCM into the fast lane.
Like Evil Knievel, right off a cliff.
I don't think that
means what you think
Glenda!
Gertie.
BILL: Gertie.
What kinda car are you driving, Gertie?
An Escort.
My kind of lady.
What if I told you I could
take you out of the Escort
and put you into a Fiesta?
GERTIE: Mmm!
♪
[SOMBRE, FOREBODING MUSIC]
Mike, b'y.
You promised Mary you had it give up.
It's not worth it. Last time
That was 15 years ago, Dick, alright?
Besides, what choice do I have?
He's my boss now.
[ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING IN BAR]
[SETS GLASS DOWN FIRMLY]
[BLUESY ROCK PLAYING]
♪
POP: Ah!
[LAUGHS]
Yeah
Here.
[SIGHS] Paul Newman
made it look so easy.
Ah, it just takes a bit of practice.
Now, here.
Hit the orange here, but
just on the side, right?
Don't scratch it.
Oh!
Don't rip the tablecloth.
Your mother's gonna have my hide.
Now, here, let me see.
Alright.
Orange off the apple-side pocket.
Here we go.
Beautiful! Alright, there we go.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Alright, what've you got?
This apple.
Okay, good, good, good.
Oh, whoa!
Hey, we're not making juice, here!
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
I wasn't the only Critch
looking to sink a shot.
MARK: [IN OTHER ROOM]
I just need to practice.
POP: [IN OTHER ROOM] Alright,
it's my turn now, isn't it?
MARK: Alright, go on, Pop.
[APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS]
MARY: What are you up to?
[SIGHS]
What are ye doing with my good fruit?!
Oh, uh, I told him not to.
Well, I have to practice
for a movie, Mom.
- It's a big deal!
- Movie?
I got a part in a short film, Dad!
Well, that's great news!
Come on! Well, we need to celebrate!
We should, uh, order a pizza!
We'll get a Hawaiian.
The pineapple will make
up for the fruit, eh?!
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
I'd never seen the old man
so devil-may-care.
What are you so happy about?
Can't be happy to see my family?
See my gorgeous wife?
Oh you!
Is this the stick that was up your ass?
[MARY GASPS]
Alright.
Show ya how it's done.
Apple, corner pocket.
MARY: Mmm!
[POP LAUGHS]
No apple. Perfect!
Dad, you can't eat
a ball! There's rules!
Yeah
- Mm! Hang on
- MARY: What?
Mary, come on, show 'em how it's done.
Alright. Okay.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
The house was full of laughter
and I was about to become a movie star.
Everything was right in my world.
♪
Mom?
Come on, it's 6!
I have to get to set!
Mike! Rattling Jesus! Will you get up?
MIKE SR: [FROM BEDROOM] I'm up!
You're gonna be late for work!
He can't be late! He lives next door!
Come on!
MARY: Alright [MUTTERING]
[SOMBRE MUSIC]
[LINE RINGING]
Dunphy.
MIKE SR: [PHONE] Hey, Dick. It's Mike.
Jeez, b'y, Mike! Where ya to?
First news is quarter to 7.
Yeah, I'm I'm not
coming in. I'm sick.
Mike, you never called in sick before!
I'm not up to it. My head is pounding.
Mike, I knows you don't wanna hear it,
but young Mike was just
a young fella last time.
- It would break his heart
- I'm fine, Dick!
[DIAL TONE]
[DIALING]
[LINE RINGING]
Yeah, Mall Cabs?
Uh, can you pick up a
half case of India pale ale
and drop it to 385 Kenmount Road?
Yeah, I know what time it is.
Well, as soon as they open, then!
[SLAMS PHONE DOWN]
[SIGHS]
DICK: [RADIO] I'm Dick
Dunphy, sitting in for Mike Critch.
Russian president Mick Mike
Mister Gorb Gorbek?
Gar Garbage.
Dah, Jesus!
The Russian president
Where the hell is your father?
- Look, Mom
- [TURNS OFF RADIO]
I have to focus.
Y'know, I'm the best actor in my grade.
This is my big break.
And if this goes well
[HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MUSIC]
Hey, ET.
Mark Critch, here on the
set of my latest feature,
The Hustler 3: More Hustlin".
Lights, camera, action.
Ah, that's my biggest fan! [CHUCKLES]
Just kidding, I have bigger.
You can't top perfection.
[TWINKLE SOUND EFFECT]
Oh and that's lunch.
[INHALES]
Hey, ET.
Thanks for stopping by.
See you in the movies!
[MUSIC SWELLS]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Hey, check your name off the list.
There's juice boxes in
the cooler, one per kid.
Thanks.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Well, at
least I wouldn't get a big head.
♪
MR LEWIS: Hey!
There he is!
Isn't this exciting? Huh?
The glamour?
Did you get a juice box?
Uh, Mr. Lewis, this is my mom.
Ah.
Well, Mark certainly enjoys
your theatre arts class.
Madame, I am gonna make your son a star!
Well, you certainly have
done wonders with yourself.
I'm gonna head home and
check on your father.
PA: You can't leave.
He's a minor. He has
to have a chaperone.
Packity-pack-packers!
Well, if this is a prison,
I at least get a phone call.
Okay.
Uh
They say only one juice box per actor,
but they gotta feed us, by law.
It's the perks, right?
Oh, here's the director.
Just came off the
children's hospital telethon.
How's it goin'?
So, who do you play?
Character's name is Cook.
I gave him a bit of a back-story.
We're allowed to do that?
Yes, that's how you
flesh a character out.
The way I figure is, he started
out working here as a boy,
hated it, but there
was nowhere else for him
to hang out in a dead-end town,
so he hitchhikes to the big city,
but the city eats him up.
Comes back here 15 years later,
and he ends up taking
the only job he can get:
The same one he walked out on.
Wow.
That's amazing.
Do you have a lot of lines?
Just "here, kids, here's your chips."
But, you know, it's what's
between the lines that counts.
[SLURPS JUICE]
Who's that?
Ah, that's Steve Rex. Lead.
He's a good actor, man. He's
a bit of a big deal, too.
He's the kid on the
cover of the phone book.
So, he's famous.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): I was 14
and I was already washed up.
Yep, come on.
[LINE RINGING]
Where the frig is he?
[SIGHS]
[PHONE RINGING]
VOCM, you've got a Dick on the line!
Dick, get Mike for me.
He's not with you?
Why do you think I'd be
looking for him if he's with me?
We're about to roll! No talking!
[SIGHS] Find him!
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: Lock it up!
[MOROSE MUSIC]
It's a bit early for that, isn't it?
Just need a straightener.
[GRUMBLES]
Everything's fine.
Well, it won't be when Mary gets home.
I'm not a kid anymore, Dad.
Then maybe you should face
your problems like a man, son.
[BOTTLE CAP POPS OFF]
POP: Oh, here. Yeah.
Here, drink 'em all.
There you go.
You know how to break balls, right?
I'm always breakin'
balls! I'm a comedian!
[AWKWARD LAUGH]
Action!
Nice shot!
Should I still say "nice
shot" even if it isn't?
- Cut!
- Reset!
Sorry, the stick was slippery.
That's your cue.
Yeah, I know my cue, thanks.
When he says "action," I
hit the ball with the stick.
- We're good.
- Okay.
CREW: Quiet, everyone!
Action!
Cut!
I can do it with an orange.
CREW: Reset.
How long is this gonna take?
I can chaperone if you
need to pop out for a bit.
Are you sure you don't mind?
I watch him for a living. Go on.
Thanks.
DIRECTOR: Action!
[SOMEONE GASPS]
- STEPHEN: Whoa!
- CREW: Yikes!
DIRECTOR: [EXASPERATED] Cut!
[IN A WHISPER] Sorry.
It's alright, bud.
[SLURRING SPEECH] Come on, will ya?
Have a beer with your son.
I'm making you a coffee.
[CAR APPROACHING]
[ENGINE TURNS OFF, DOORS OPEN]
Oh, no. Here we go.
[FRONT DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]
MARY: Why weren't you at work?
You never.
I'll be downstairs at Mike's.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
I know. I know!
I slipped up.
We've been through this before, Mike,
and I told you, I won't do it again.
The boys.
[SIGHS]
God forgive me, I'll leave.
[BOTTLES CLINKING]
My new boss asked me to have a drink!
What was I supposed to say?
You're supposed to say no!
[BOTTLES CLINKING]
[SLOW ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
Maybe we should head back?
In case they miss us.
Who? Dick?
Whoa!
No need for the "D" word.
Bit of a mood-killer.
You're kidding me.
Okay
Dick's been like another
dad to me, and so
I just feel a little weird
hanging out with his
Daughter?
Yeah, the other "D" word.
So, let's just tell him.
Oh, come on, he's
never gonna forgive me.
I don't owe him anything.
I mean, I hardly know him.
But you took the job here
'cause you wanted to, right?
Maybe.
But right now the only person
I want to know better
Is you.
Okay. Our little secret.
[DOOR OPENS]
Oh!
Sorry! I-I [STAMMERING]
I didn't know
I've just come to look at the furnace.
But it seems that things
are hot enough already.
Yeah! Pop, hey! Uh, this is
- Hi, I'm Amanda.
- Dick's daughter.
Oh! Amanda, ah
Well, your mother must
have very strong genes.
Sorry to interrupt.
MIKE SR: [MUFFLED] Just
a little thing at work!
For God's sakes, will you lighten up?
MARY: [MUFFLED] We're not
doing this again, Mike.
Hey, um, would you like lunch?
MIKE SR: Jesus Christ!
Three friggin' beer!
MARY: I won't have it in my house!
- What?
- MIKE SR: Fine! [DOOR SLAMS]
Oh, yeah. Take two.
I won't tell.
So, uh
Love your work.
You know, the phone book.
Use it all the time.
Cool.
Ah, it's one of my favourite books.
Y'know, it's right up
there with the Bible.
Stephen, by the way.
Mark.
Hey, don't worry about the pool stuff.
You know movie magic can fix it.
Thanks.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): I may
not have won an Oscar,
but at least I made a friend.
Hey, I play pool.
I could take the shot for him.
Great. Give him your shirt.
My shirt?
Hurry up.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Some friend!
Being in the movies wasn't
like it was in the movies.
STEPHEN: Thanks.
[BALLS CLATTER]
Cut!
Moving on!
Yeah!
Hey, no one will know.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): He wasn't
out to steal the spotlight.
He was sharing it.
So, you're kind of like my stunt man.
I can use you for all
the stuff I can't do.
Running catching
Stairs.
So, what kind of stuff have you done?
I wrote and directed a play.
And I do stand-up.
Oh, maybe we could collaborate.
Could I read some of your stuff?
[LAUGHS] That'd be awesome!
Here.
Take my number.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Wow!
I was getting the phone number
of the guy on the cover
of the phone book!
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Found him down to the strand.
He hasn't been like
this since Mark was born.
You should really mind
your own business, Dick.
Maybe I should.
But I'll tell ya this for free, Mike.
It's not worth it.
I'm worried about me job too,
but my job is all I got to worry about.
But you?
Give it up, will ya?
Mike, you promised me that you
Jesus, I said I'd stop, alright?
How many more times do
you want me to say it?
And you got some nerve
getting him involved.
What happens in this house
should stay in the GD house!
Don't you raise your voice at me.
I'll talk as loud as I bloody well want!
Dad?
Christ.
Do you want me to stay?
[QUIETLY] No.
He'll be alright, little fella.
Mom, what's going on?
Dad?
Go to bed!
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
I'd never heard that tone
in my father's voice before.
He was a stranger to me.
Mark, I'm sorry, alright?
Honey, your dad, he's just, um
A drunk. It's alright, say it.
An alcoholic.
I've never even seen
you take a drink before.
And you never will again, okay?
I'm just gonna pour
out every drop of booze
in the house, alright?
♪
MARY: Well, there isn't any.
'Cause I made sure of that.
[SIGHS]
[POIGNANT MUSIC]
♪
You sneaky bugger!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): I'd never
seen my father drink before,
and I never did again after that night.
But I'd seen enough.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): A mask can
be something to hide behind.
Or a mask can free us to
reveal our true selves.
[BASS MUSIC PLAYING]
[SOUND OF PINBALL MACHINE]
- [LOUD BANGING]
- [STEPHEN GRUMBLING]
♪
[SIGHS]
♪
[BALLS CLATTER]
STEPHEN: Nice shot.
Kids
Here's your chips.
♪
[STUDENTS CHUCKLE]
Got some news.
My girlfriend just got
accepted into engineering.
So you're gonna let your
girlfriend be an engineer?!
Don't be so old-fashioned.
Times are changing.
[STUDENTS CHUCKLE]
STEPHEN: Yeah, pfft. Sure.
Excuse me?
[SIGHS]
That game is broken.
I know.
I'm here to fix it.
♪
♪
[MR. LEWIS LAUGHS]
[APPLAUSE]
STUDENT: Wow, that was awesome.
That's awesome.
Can we watch it again, Sister?
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
Masks can be good and bad.
The important thing is that
it's still you underneath.
♪
♪
♪
♪