Teen Titans (2003) s04e05 Episode Script

[SNORTING.]
[MOOING.]
[WIND HOWLING.]
[WHIRRING.]
Titans, now.
Moo-yeah! [SHOUTING.]
Oh! Oh! Whoa! It's getting away.
Cyborg.
[SCREAMING.]
Is that all you got? Whoa! Whoa! Cyborg, we're closing in.
Hang on.
CYBORG: That's what I'm trying to do.
[CYBORG SCREAMING.]
[SCREECHING.]
[PANTING.]
How come I'm the only one who actually has to run? Time to see what you got under the hood.
Whoa! [GRUNTING.]
[PEOPLE GASPING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[PEOPLE SHOUTING.]
ROBIN: Cyborg, where did it go? I don't know.
It just disappeared.
This is the third time this week it's gotten away.
Well, at least there's some good news.
You finally decided to let me drive the T-Car? No.
I found a new place for breakfast.
"Mega Meaty Meat"? I've never heard of this place before.
Sounds healthy.
Come on, guys.
What better way to end an all-night stakeout than with a nice juicy steak? Hello? Does the word "I'm a vegetarian" mean anything to you? There is no way you could get me inside a place like that.
Besides, we should get back to the tower and start tracking that ship.
[CYBORG GULPING.]
Meat-tastic.
I think I'm in love.
[SIGHS.]
Isn't she amazing? You are aware this she you feel affection for is merely a land vehicle? This is no ordinary land vehicle, Starfire.
You're looking at the Tidwell 3000.
The sweetest moped ever built.
You know, if I had one of these babies Hey, why don't I have one of these babies? We've got to figure out why these things keep attacking farms.
Robin, you know how sometimes in a chase it's hard for me to keep up? Honestly, I've never really noticed.
Well, I found the solution.
You've seen the T-Car and the T-Ship.
And we all think the R-Cycle and your new glider-thingy are way cool.
But now it's time to introduce the newest Titan vehicle.
Ladies and gentlemen, dudes and dudettes, I give you the B-Ped.
Beast Boy, you don't need a moped.
You can fly.
Yeah, but my arms get tired.
Okay, then.
Me and Cyborg will just have to build one.
Come on, Cyborg.
I'll even let you design the rocket launcher.
Sorry, B.
B.
Gotta fix up the Cy-Cow.
We might need to go back undercover.
[TOOLS BUZZING.]
I'm telling you, it's a conspiracy.
Robin says no.
Cyborg says no.
How am I supposed to get a moped if everyone keeps shutting me down? Well, you could always just get a job and buy one.
Oh.
So let me get this straight.
All I have to do is play video games all day long and you'll pay me? - With money? MAN: That's correct.
We need regular kids like you to beta test our ultra-experimental GameStation Turbo Extreme.
[GAMESTATION WHIRRING.]
[SIGHS.]
- It's so shiny.
MAN: Yes, it is very shiny.
But remember, this is our only prototype.
So please be careful.
No problem.
I deal with high-tech stuff all the time.
[BEEPING THEN WHIRRING.]
[BLASTS.]
"Help wanted.
" Sweet.
[ELECTRONIC COW MOOING.]
Oh, not sweet.
Are you tired of vacuums that just don't do the job? Well, look no further, sir or madam.
The Hose-A-Tron X-9 and its state-of-the-art cyclotronic action is guaranteed to make the housework a breeze.
With one flip of the switch see how easily it cleans up this bag of dirt I got from your yard.
[VACUUM WHIRRING.]
[EXPLODING.]
[ELECTRONIC COW MOOING.]
BEAST BOY: Seriously, not sweet.
I want a monkey.
Right.
Monkey.
I can do that.
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
[SCREECHING.]
[POPS.]
That's not a monkey.
You stink.
Wait.
Monkey.
Look.
MEAT: It's meat-tastic.
Okay, bad idea.
Hey there, Jimmy.
I see you found our sign.
Do you like meat? It's Beast Boy, actually.
And I'm a vegetarian so I really shouldn't be here.
That's super, Ricky.
Say, do you like mopeds? Because we're giving away one of these spiffy land vehicles to our employee person of the month.
When can I start? Welcome to Mega Meaty Meat, Lenny.
No, it's Jimmy.
I mean Beast Boy.
Maybe I could just have a name tag? You can call me Bob.
Okay.
I like you, Danny.
I'll be in the back.
[SIGHS.]
There's one place I definitely won't be going.
Hey, wait, aren't you supposed to train me or something? Hello? Bob? [RINGS.]
Can I take your order? Give me the Number 1.
Right.
Number 1.
Coming up.
Any minute now.
Uh, does this look like a Number 1 to you? Oh.
Everything is going according to plan, supreme creator.
THE SOURCE: And the humans? - They suspect nothing.
[LAUGHING.]
[ELECTRONIC COW MOOING.]
Let's see.
I'll have eight Number 3s, five Number 2s, two Number 1 s and a diet soda.
Actually, we don't have soda.
Only meat.
Okay, then make it a cup of meat juice.
Please, specifically what variety of meat is it that you serve? Um, Bob says that's a trade secret.
Are you the only one who works here? Bob says that's a trade secret too.
- So where is this Bob, anyway? - In the back.
Yeah.
I'm glad you found a way to make some extra money, Beast Boy but don't you think this place seems a little weird? Dude, they have fries made out of meat.
Yes, this place is weird.
And I hate it.
But I'm not leaving till I earn that moped.
Okay, I can't eat until that thing stops looking at me.
MEAT: It's meat-tastic.
Mmm.
This really is meat-tastic.
[RADIO BEEPING.]
Trouble.
The UFO is back.
Let's go.
- Won't you get fired? - It's cool, B.
B.
We'll handle it.
Okay, Titans, just like we planned.
Go.
[GRUNTS.]
Okay.
Whatever you are, come out with your hands or tentacles up.
[GRUNTS.]
So we're being invaded by cows? Use caution, please.
The cow people of Garline Prime are most formidable.
No, this is just a plain old Earth cow.
And it's not the pilot.
It's the power supply.
But if the cow's not controlling the ship, who is? [WEAPONS FIRING.]
I guess we're gonna find out the hard way.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY.]
Okay, that's three Number 1 s and a Number 2.
No, you said you wanted a Number 3.
Could I please have some nuggets? For the last time, we don't have nuggets.
Bob, any chance you wanna help me out here? - That's great, Billy.
I'll be in the back.
- Uh But No! You'll have to wait your turn.
I'm going as fast as I can.
[SHRIEKS.]
Bob? Oh, we need some eat-may for the ustomer-cays.
Hello? Anyone? I have a little problem out here.
I want my meaty meat.
Um, I'll be in the back.
Uh It's for the moped.
It's for the moped.
It's for the moped.
It's for the moped.
Huh? Hey, this isn't a restaurant.
It's a It's a What is this place? THE SOURCE: It is the mothership, green human worker.
So this is where all the UFOs are coming from.
Why are you here? And what are you doing to all these cows? THE SOURCE: In exchange for providing us power for our technology we have replaced them in your food chain with a nutritious meet-free substitute.
Wait, you mean Meaty Meat is actually tofu? THE SOURCE: Not tofu, noofu.
Tofu comes from your planet's soy beans.
Noofu comes from me.
I am The Source.
Okay, gross.
No, Tommy, it's delicious.
And you really shouldn't be in the back.
[GRUNTING.]
[GROWLING.]
Bob? Oh, man, I'm so gonna get fired.
No matter.
There are plenty more where he came from.
Hey, nice shot there, Randy.
So let me get this straight.
You've come from outer space to steal our cows and replace them with noofu? Yes, green human.
And when we leave, we will blow up your planet.
[LAUGHING.]
What? Why? What have we ever done to you? It is our way.
We are noofu.
ALL: Say goodbye, Tammy.
Dude, that's a girl name.
[SHOUTING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[GROWLING.]
[GRUNTING.]
You won't get away with this.
Oh, but we will.
My collector ships are dealing with your friends.
Your magnificent cows are mine.
This ship is fueled.
And once we leave orbit Kaboom.
[RUMBLING.]
[PEOPLE SHOUTING.]
[TRUMPETING.]
BOB 1: Hey.
BOB 2: Whoa! BOB 3: Hey! BOB 4: Look out.
What are you doing? I'm guessing your ship won't leave without you.
Yee-haw! This is so cool.
THE SOURCE: Foolish human.
I've created enough noofu for an army of the Bobs.
You will never get away.
Your city is doomed.
Your planet is doomed.
[SCREAMS.]
Hi, Donny.
Say, be a sport and hand over our supreme creator, would you? ALL: All we want is The Source, Andy.
And your cows.
Not gonna happen.
Insolent human, your futile charge will end in defeat.
Oh, yeah? You forget we're riding on a Tidwell 3000.
And it has turbo.
[THE SOURCE SCREAMING.]
[BEAST BOY LAUGHING.]
You will suffer for your impudence, green human.
I am The Source.
Feared across three galaxies, destroyer of [SIGHING.]
Okay.
Think, Beast Boy, think.
Oh! I've got questions and you better give me answers.
How do I free the cows, stop the Bobs, and shut down the destruct-o-tron? [LAUGHING.]
Foolish green human, I will never tell.
And when my ship fails to launch as planned it will detonate automatically.
Submit to my greatness and I might just spare your pathetic Uh, what is this? - Lunch.
- Aah! And I just happen to be in the mood for a nutritious meat-free substitute.
Really? You You're just trying to scare me.
Am I? Say hello to my good friend barbecue sauce.
[COUGHING.]
Stop.
The secret is water.
Noofu reverts to its normal state in the presence of water.
Please, don't eat me.
That's more like it.
Now, let's talk cows.
Well, hey there, Benji.
Ready to face utter destruction? No, are you? Ooh, that sure is wet.
You know something, Bob? You're a lousy manager.
All right, B-Ped, time to save the Earth.
Uh Maybe this can wait.
[SIGHS.]
Okay, you can do this.
Although there are a few more cows to save.
[SIGHS.]
Okay, piece of cake, Beast Boy.
You deal with high-tech stuff all the time.
Huh? [COWS MOOING.]
Can this day get any weirder? I'd say it just did.
That's a whole lot of cows.
Time to eat.
Beast Boy, what's going on? Dude, so it turns out that meaty meat is really space tofu that came here to steal cows and destroy Earth.
But I kidnapped the leader, turned all Bobs back to goo and shut down the destruct-o-tron before the world could explode.
And I did it all thanks to my awesome new moped.
[GASPS.]
So, what happened to the alien leader? Oh, he's in the fridge.
What?