The Magicians (2016) s04e05 Episode Script
Escape From The Happy Place
1 Previously on "The Magicians" - Will you play with me? - No! You do remember me, don't you? - I I'm Christopher - Plover.
You were looking for your book.
Yours and your friends' books are in the Revision Room.
But I happen to know where that is.
The end of Quentin's book.
He's going to die.
Isn't that how all books end? His ends next week.
Your birthright box, which it has been my honor to guard, dictated your absence from the kingdom and your return.
We need your help, Shoshana.
I have a new deity to follow.
The Poison Room fountain has a stack of books for a statue.
- So if we find the right fountain - We can walk right in.
When you get back what the gods took from you, could I maybe have Eliot back? You were friends with Eliot.
The very best of friends.
You should know that your friend Eliot is dead.
I felt the moment his soul died.
Or he's trapped in there.
Forced to watch everything the Monster does, just waiting for us to find a way to help him.
[SHOUTING.]
Hello? There's one thing every resident of the Physical Kids cottage must know.
Where the bathroom is.
- How to make - How to make.
- Our signature cocktail.
- How to make our signature cocktail.
That's what I was trying to that's what I meant to say.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Oh.
Now you can make it on your own.
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
Should I get that? [KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
Rather not.
Ah.
There you are.
Here I am.
Sorry, I had to interrupt an orgy upstairs.
You broke up the orgy? No, I told them there was a bigger room two doors down.
Mmm.
Now I don't say this lightly, but I think this might be our best party yet.
And I say this with the weight of my whole heart.
I concur.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
- I'll get it.
- Don't.
Whoever is that desperate to come in can't be fun.
Oh.
What do you like most about summer? Hmm Nothing.
You don't like summer? No.
Nothing's what I love about summer.
No class.
No people, just beautiful nothing.
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
No Go make me a drink.
Mm-kay.
I'm Eliot, by the way.
Uh-oh.
That's Eliot's my name, too.
Well, that can't be.
What's your middle name? Um - Todd? - [KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
Should I get that? Never answer a cop knock.
Oh.
Beautiful nothing.
Now that's the kind of man I need.
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
Don't answer it.
Then we have to talk to them.
Oh, come on.
I just want to see who it is.
No, you can't come in.
Well, I'm sorry, but that sounds like a you problem.
- [SCREAMS.]
- [SCREAMS.]
Margo! Margo! [SCREAMING.]
Eliot! [GROANING.]
Inside.
- What? - Inside, we must go inside - Yeah, yeah, no.
Do we know you? - They're coming.
Let me inside, please.
I won't harm her.
- This is only for your urgent attention.
- [GRUNTING.]
Yeah, I'm not worried about you harming her.
[GRUNTING.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[SCREAMS.]
But you make a point.
Uh, let's go.
[SUPERNATURAL SHRIEKING.]
Are you done being sad now? I need your help.
No, I'm not.
Is this about your friend? Because that's not a problem.
I'm your friend.
He's gone, but I'm here.
Same number of friends.
So.
What is this? How am I supposed to know? I would like for you to be helpful, Quentin.
[SIGHS.]
It's really old? Like beginning of civilization old.
And where was that? Mesopotamia was the first That's very helpful, thank you.
I will see you back at the apartment.
[EERIE MUSIC.]
- So spacious.
Mine wasn't nearly half this size.
What's with the that out there, is it Sorry, I'm at a loss for words, which is new for me.
I'm sure you're quite flummoxed.
Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.
Well, the good news: a monster possessed you and is inhabiting your body.
- What? - He normally tears people to shreds, so believe me, this is preferable.
And when he possessed you, he thrust all of you to this nook of your mind that holds all your remembrances.
Everything here is remembrance.
Even your friend here.
Now, do me a favor.
Imagine she's not here.
What the fuck? Oh, tell me.
I've been trying to understand it.
I just can't figure it out.
What is "fuck"? Well um, well, it's sort of like a a chameleon of a word.
Wait, um Who are you? Oh, uh, well, I'm Charlton.
Now, I have repressed many memories, but I would never forget somebody named Charlton.
- Thank you.
- Not a compliment.
I'm not a memory.
I once was possessed by the Monster too.
I was in my memory for it's hard to say.
That's it.
I'm pretty sure I shot you.
Or your body, at least.
Sorry.
No bother.
It was the Monster's longer than it was mine.
And I have quite enjoyed the change of scenery.
This is what I call your Happy Place.
All your pleasant remembrances live here.
It's very easy to get content and lose track of time.
And reality.
So you're here to break me out.
My knight in drab armor.
No, that would be ridiculous.
We stay here.
We don't.
I'm taking my body back.
No, no, no, no, no.
This is the only place the creatures can't come.
We can't oh, right.
The scary shrieky things that live outside.
What are they? The Monster's other hosts.
Inmates from the Castle.
Horrible, wretched mistakes of the gods, all of them.
Yeah, but if if this is all my memory, then they can't really hurt us, right? Would you care to ask the Knight Ora? She was here before you.
- I would, actually.
- Well, you can't.
Because she's dead.
Dead fuck.
That's not quite right.
And I told her that when you die here, you're gone forever, but she just had to try and find her door, and pray imagine what befell her? Devoured by creatures.
Flesh rent from her bones.
Skin torn from her skull.
She died staring at her own face held before her.
- That is awful.
- Yeah.
What's this about a door? [WHISTLING.]
Could you not, please? What, no time for cheer? We escaped the Library safe.
You hid your friends.
They're safe, too.
Yeah, well, not Quentin.
And what exactly are you gonna do about it, hmm? Besides scowl? Save him.
Warn him, I don't know.
I don't owe you an answer.
You wanna know what I think? Jesus God, never.
I think we need to cast another spell on that book for you.
I know exactly where I need to go.
Quentin's book showed me where he is.
And he only has a couple days left.
Oh, so you trust one book and not the other? That's funny.
There's only one place I can try to make things right.
Redemption arc.
Word of advice, 'cause I can see you need it.
Apologize for what you've done, fine.
But never for who you are.
'Cause you'll never be able to change that.
So why pretend? We're getting closer, aren't we? Just a few fountains away.
[SIGHS.]
All I need is one moment to find my friends and tell them I'm alive.
Help me.
Or I'm kicking you out of the Happy Place.
I can do that.
- Right? - Yeah.
There's a door somewhere.
Hidden deep in a forgotten remembrance.
Forgotten remembrance? For me it was the door to my childhood bedroom.
But not part of the memory.
Just - just there.
- What memory? Where how did you get there, Charlton? You can get to any memory.
You just think on it and walk outside.
The one you seek, though, is difficult to find.
It's hidden well.
Even from you.
It hides in the place you think of least because you don't wish to.
Why? Because it's so terrible.
Huh.
So just my most repressed and traumatic memory.
This'll be fun.
Come on, Charlton.
Time to take a walk down memory lane.
Wait, wait, wait.
- Why do I have to come? - You're coming.
Are you sure this is the right one? What, you don't trust the book? Well, no, it's just I well, I've never seen one locked before.
Here.
[STONES CLICKING.]
[GRUNTS.]
I'll throw this down for you in case you change your mind - and you wanna climb back up.
- Oh, very good.
Right.
Well, Alice, I suppose this is good-bye.
I do hope wherever you go is is where you're supposed to be.
Same to you.
Right.
Well, here goes [WATER SPLASHES.]
Hey, 23.
Can I get a ride? I ain't your personal Uber.
I'm back to Earth after finishing the eggs, which I'm telling myself come from a chicken.
It'll be real quick.
I just need to get my birthright box.
And I'd love to do that before having to break the Eliot news to the whole castle.
Because that's not gonna be a short convo.
Yeah, I'm helping Julia with a god power thing.
You're seriously blowing me off to score points with your crush? I'm the only one that can perform the ritual.
You're the one that brought your fuckboy with you.
I brought Josh 'cause we needed a decent cook.
And we're cool.
Just like Julia and me are cool.
- Cool? - Cool, so about that ride? Thanks for breakfast.
High King Margo, you're back! Where's Eliot? Hey, Julia, uh ready to run some diagnostics? - Sup, Shoshana? - Oh, we already ran them.
Oh, uh Okay, what did they say? Inconclusive.
Uh, we're looking for the right ritual to try.
But, um, I'm her follower now, so I can handle it.
- Right, so I'll just - Oh, do you happen to know any diagnostics to run on pseudo-gods or whatever? Can't say that I do.
Mm.
Oh, so We're good here, then.
Right.
I'm gonna bounce.
Uh, text me if you, uh, need a ride, or something.
- Thanks, Penny.
- [GASPS.]
Oh, shit, I I totally forgot to ask if you have any magical wards or cloaks.
They could be interfering.
Uh, yeah, a massive cloaking spell.
This evil bitch Irene McAllister is after me so, uh, you can't remove it.
I need it.
Oh, crap, I just did.
Um, just, um, give me 30 seconds.
I'll protect you.
Julia.
Check out this bitch.
Iris.
What are you doing here? That Monster you let out of the Castle is after me and my friends.
Gods in hiding.
It's so gauche.
But you're gonna help us trap him.
I'll help you.
If you tell me what I am.
I'm not a human.
Not a god.
You're the worst parts of both.
Helpless as a human, immortal as a god, so everyone you ever love will die and you're just stuck here on this stupid rock, alone, forever.
Because no one can kill you except for, oh, hey, someone exactly like me.
So listen.
This is a living stone.
Its blood keeps the Monster from traveling.
Blackspire's made of thousands of these.
That's why it's the perfect prison.
Unless, of course, someone opens the door.
But the blood can hold him in place for a few minutes.
So bleed the stone, dump the blood on him.
I'll take him to the Castle.
You really need me, or did you just come here to talk shit? Mm.
Gods can't touch the blood.
It fritzes our powers, not that that's a problem for you.
I'll be watching.
Once you dump the blood, I'll do the rest.
And please, don't do your usual thing and screw it up.
Okay.
Cloak's back on.
What? Do I have a booger? Well.
[SNIFFLES.]
That wasn't as bad as I expected, considering it was my first cry as a widow.
Yeah.
Just two short hours.
How long did you cry? When you found out that Eliot's that he I've been a little busy.
And it seems like you're good now.
So I'm gonna go.
Wait, wait, Margo.
Margo.
Margo.
High King Margo.
- You're returned.
- And just leaving.
Before you do, could you say hello to Her Slowness, Abigail? She's not herself.
Seeing you might lift her spirits.
What's wrong with her? She's not speaking.
She hasn't said a word to me all day.
Rafe.
Come here.
[BOTH SNIFFLING.]
[BOTH CRYING.]
So, great, you have each other.
I'm going to find my birthright box.
Look, not to be a dick, but, uh, drawing blood from a stone is a saying for a reason.
Yeah, I know.
She wasn't in the mood to elaborate.
Yeah, she was too busy making threats.
Shoshana has her reservations, but we have no choice, so Wait, what reservations? - Well, Shoshana thinks that - Iris can't be trusted.
Okay? That bitch is all sketch.
Bacchus hated her.
Why, did she, uh, give him an intervention? No, he wouldn't say.
And he told me everything.
Okay, look, the point is, Iris talked him into doing something a long time ago, okay, and the fact that he wouldn't say what it was? That should be enough to scare us off.
Look, we don't have a choice.
Iris made that damn clear.
- So if you could help us - I am helping.
No, Shoshana, you're getting in the way.
No, she's right.
We have to do this.
Q, if this works, Eliot will be locked in Castle Blackspire forever.
Eliot's dead.
And the Monster's coming back here.
So let's figure this out before he does.
Hey.
Hey.
Penny, right? I know you? Well, here it is, Charlton.
My greatest trauma.
Someone put a sheet over you and wheeled around your strange bed.
That's Logan Kinnear.
Very deceased.
That's me.
The first time I ever used magic was, um to kill Logan with that school bus.
That is very fuck.
That's, um, still not quite right.
It's more of an adverb.
Anyway, he was a bully.
He was the single worst person in my life.
I can't tell you how many times he made me think about killing myself.
But when I did this, I became the worst person in my life.
Well, this has been very therapeutic.
Um, but I'm not seeing any doors.
Is there something especially painful that you're avoiding? Look at me.
I would say that I I I am suffering some very special pain.
Well, it's not all bad.
You have a friend to comfort you.
My only childhood friend.
Taylor.
Everyone else would taunt and bully me, but never Taylor.
Never.
Oh, shit.
I think I know where we need to go.
- Bitch.
- Yeah! You can kick him harder than that.
What, you wanna kiss boys? - Queer.
- Kick him.
- Faggot.
- Little bitch.
- Let's kick him.
- Come on, kick him.
[WHISTLE BLOWS.]
All right, that's enough.
He gets the point.
Let's go, come on.
Let's go.
Out of here.
Let's go.
Come on.
Hey! Eliot! I said that's enough.
Oh, my.
Come on, Taylor.
Let's go, buddy.
Hating myself for who I am is one thing, but to hurt somebody else? [SUPERNATURAL SHRIEKING.]
Do you see a door? None.
Back to the Happy Place? Hey! Hey.
You got to get a visitor's pass from the front office.
[GRUNTING, GURGLING.]
[MUTTERING SPELL.]
Oh, my God, it worked.
- Fantastic news.
- Ow, oh, God.
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
What are you doing? Um, reading.
You are so boring sometimes.
Look what I found.
How did you do that? I went to Mesopotamia like you told me to.
I never said It's really quite different than I remember, and I couldn't find anything useful.
I got so frustrated I almost broke it.
But when I pick it up and focus my power into it, this happens.
What does it say? We could look those up.
- The symbols.
- Really? How? Books.
Books.
- There's a library here.
- Mm, library.
Or we can take a field trip.
- Field trip - To Brakebills.
We could take a field trip to Brakebills.
They have they have a huge library.
Field trip to - Tons of books.
- To Brakebills.
Holy dick shit! What are you doing? The Last Lay.
The widow lays in her marital bed buried in the garments of her deceased love.
I was worried; you weren't at the bare-breasted laments.
Yeah? My boobs can lament just fine covered, thanks.
Can we get the locksmith up here? Everyone's gone for the day.
The whole staff is gone? Except for the carpenters building the Altar of Remembrance.
[MUTTERING SPELL.]
Hi, Quentin.
I need to tell you something.
Can I come in? - Uh, no.
- Fine.
I was in the Library Of course you were.
Don't be a shit.
They locked me up, okay? And but I escaped, and I changed our books so that they can't track us.
And when I was reading your book I read the end.
Q, you die in two days.
Why should I believe you? You're bleeding a living stone, right? To kill the Monster? You spend two whole days bleeding it and when you finally douse him with it, he kills you.
I'm not here to scare you.
I'm just here to tell you to forget the plan and run now.
If we don't trap the Monster, Iris kills Julia.
So thank you for the information, but I'm not bailing on her.
It's your life, Q.
What if I beat the book? It says it takes two days.
What if I bleed it faster than that? Any changes to the book can have a ripple effect.
Maybe it would work.
I can't do it any faster, so if you care to help, um I hate books.
Let's go back to the apartment.
Nope, sorry.
If we wanna find it, it's gonna be here.
This is it.
You found it? - Yes.
No? - No.
Yes? This game is confusing.
- Which is it? - Yes.
We found something.
It's just the, um, the wrong thing.
It's just totally wrong.
I'm sorry.
I really hate books.
[COUGHS.]
Okay.
This is the inscription, but we're trying to stall him.
I thought I was helping.
I know.
Look, you should go help Q at the apartment.
Please let me stay.
I'll stall him, I'll shut up, I'll do whatever you want, just he already took Bacchus from me.
I couldn't stand losing another god to him.
Okay.
Just stay out of the way, got it? Yes, yes, my goddess.
Yes.
This is too many.
If I cut it down any more, we're chopping bone.
Any one of these could have the door.
Or creature waiting to kill us.
It's really best if we stay here.
No, I have to let my friends know I'm still in here.
We have to go back.
Whatever you say, Jack Shepherd.
Was that a "Lost" reference? You watched it all one week over Christmas.
I stayed in that memory for a while.
- What did you think of the finale? - Stay on task, Charlton.
How do we survive visiting all of these memories? Oh, the large man in the short pants was quite awful, wasn't he? - That's what we need.
- More large men in short pants? Even better.
Charlton, meet my friends.
Quentin from the time I convinced him to fight Penny.
Fen, who was ready to fight pirates at a moment's notice.
And Margo the Welters captain.
No force in heaven or on Earth is more terrifying.
If you pathetic sons of bitches aren't crying blood by the time this is over Okay, okay.
Save it for the creatures that you'll be fighting while I look for a door back to my body located in one of these.
Every memory I've shoved to a dark corner of my mind.
Because being self-aware and happy don't always mix.
Let's start with the Embarrassments Minora.
The worst haircut of my life.
[SCREAMS.]
I'm sorry.
He's just a little shy.
Are you serious right now? Well, it's not like this has ever happened before.
Failing that, we move on to the darker stuff.
All right, let's do this.
Welcome to the Physical Kids cottage.
I sleep with people's boyfriends.
I've betrayed my friends by accident.
Go left, go left.
And on purpose.
Guards.
No, Eliot.
- Take her to the dungeon.
- No! Eliot Ugh, God damn it.
There's still no fucking doors.
I was feeling really good about those.
Brace yourselves, everyone.
AIt's daddy issues and dicks from here on out.
[SUPERNATURAL SHRIEKING.]
They're here.
Run.
Run.
You even tango with a knife maker's daughter? Come at me! [SHRIEKS.]
I got this! - [GRUNTING.]
- [growling [GRUNTING.]
Your face looks like a scrotum! Agh! Go! [SCREAMS.]
You bargain basement creature! Oh Get some towels.
- Is it bad? - Don't look.
[SIGHS.]
Fuck.
You got it right.
Yeah.
That should do it.
It just needs to drain and for a minute or two.
You can, uh, leave now.
Uh, when Julia gets out of the Brakebills ward, she'll text me and I'll meet her in the park.
Then we trap the Monster today, not in two days.
So we're good.
Deathly fate averted.
I should I should be there with you just in case what happens in the book starts happening.
I'm about to kill my friend.
It's a monster, I know, but it's a monster with his face and eyes and I'm just I don't have space for us right now.
I'm not asking you to! "A dog approached, wanting to play.
"The owner followed to talk to Quentin, distracting him.
"And in that moment, "The Monster saw the stone's blood and Quentin, "and, with a mere thought, sliced him apart, so ending the story of Quentin Coldwater.
" I didn't come here to make up with you.
I came here to save your life.
I'm just trying to figure out how to fix this mountain of shit that I've created.
Well, it's gonna take a lot more than just my life.
I sent Christopher Plover to the Poison World.
I figure that should give me some points in my favor.
You what? Well, I was supposed to send him to a peaceful world, but I thought that maybe he would do something to a little kid and and you know what, he doesn't deserve peace.
Oh, my God.
Oh.
[GROANS.]
Sorry, I'm back where you were confessing to murdering my favorite children's book author and yeah, I know, he's evil, - but it's - But does that make me good? Does killing him make me better or worse? I don't know.
I am trying.
Okay, Quentin? I am always trying.
So if you have some recipe for perfect redemption, just tell me.
Because I can't change the way that you feel, so just There's a spell Okay, there's a spell in here that that will tell me where I'm supposed to go.
So just let me come with you and then do this spell with me.
And then wherever it says to go, I'll go, and I will stay there for good, okay? Just let me help you.
Wherever it says? Do you promise? Promise.
Do whatever you gotta do.
Just get it open.
This seems rash, even for you.
Well, like my ex always said, I'll be happy once that box is open.
Margo, have you cried yet? For Eliot? Fen, I'm only gonna say this once.
Me joining your sad-face therapy party is dumb.
Because I can't cry out all the sadness ever.
Because if I start, I'll never stop, understand? I'll be useless forever.
And somebody has to rule this kingdom, and I will be God-damned if I drop the ball 'cause I was too busy lamenting with my tits out, all right? Your Majesty.
With deep regret I must inform you, the royal sheep choir? They've gone silent too.
But we need them for the memorial.
Who else will sing the Bleats of Despair? High King Margo.
A talking lizard of the Dunes.
I've only ever read about these.
Well, what's my birthright, you scaly shit? It's the talking animals.
They've all been struck dumb.
Well, shit.
All right, Fen.
I think I will do a ritual.
Earth specialty.
The sleep of solitude.
I pop an Ambien, everyone leaves me alone till noon.
That'll be perfect.
Mm, I never asked.
When you found your door, um what memory was it? The day that I left home.
That's it? That's your most traumatic memory? Yes.
Because I left Home.
But it was when you were confronted with what you fear most.
Great.
So just figure out what that is and I'll make a distraction, and then and then you can go there.
I know you're just a memory, but you're a very generous one.
Well, you sacrifice for people you love.
Oh, shit.
I get it.
Q, I'm gonna take you up on that.
Lead the creatures to my puberty.
Go bravely.
Okay.
I know where I need to go.
Did it happen? Fifty years.
It happened.
Okay, so they should be coming from there.
I'll stand here.
He'll come to me.
And then you drench him.
It was sort of beautiful.
It really was.
I know this sounds dumb but us.
We You know, think about it.
Like, we we work.
And we know it 'cause we've lived it.
Who gets that kind of proof of concept? We were just injected with a half-century of emotion, so I get that maybe you're not thinking clearly.
No, I'm just saying, what if we gave it a shot? I mean, would that be that crazy? Why the fuck not? I I know you and you aren't - What's the matter? - Don't be naive.
It matters.
Q, come on.
I love you, but you have to know that that's not me and that's definitely not you, not when not when we have a choice.
Okay.
I Okay.
Sorry, I What the hell is wrong with you? And what the hell are you doing? Q, the dog.
- Hi.
- Sorry about him.
Train 'em all you want, they're still gonna do - what they're gonna do, you know? - Mm-hmm.
You have a dog? - Q, she's the distraction.
- Hmm? No, I right, sorry, I got uh.
All right, man.
Okay.
Q, I'm gonna pour the blood on him, okay? You just run right now, please.
No, look, stick to the plan.
Go.
They're coming.
Someone good and true loves you.
And he went out on a limb.
And, yeah, it was a little crazy, but you knew.
You knew this was a moment that truly mattered and you just snuffed it out.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
Q, I'm sorry.
I was afraid.
And when I'm afraid, I run away.
If I ever get out of here, Q, know that when I'm braver it's 'cause I learned it from you.
Quentin.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Q.
Q.
[LAUGHING.]
It's me.
It's Eliot.
Okay, no games, come on.
- Let's just go.
- It's Eliot.
No, bullshit.
Come on.
Fifty years.
Who gets proof of concept like that? What? Peaches and plums, motherfucker.
I'm alive in here.
Eliot.
Whoa, no! Did it work? I hope so.
You fucked it up.
I warned you.
- No! - Wait, don't! Look what you did.
Iris.
Fancy seeing you here.
I'd like it back now.
[GASPS.]
I'm sorry.
You tried to trick me.
No.
No, it wasn't The plan worked, right, Q? Who is this now? Right the plan, the we we got Iris for you.
We couldn't tell you because she was watching, but we we did it.
This was all just a plan for me? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, and, um and here's the best part.
We didn't wanna show you till you had the piece from Iris.
According to this, uh, all those organs? They're building blocks.
Trying to piece together a body.
Is it yours? Impressive.
Eliot's alive.
What? He's alive.
Any minute now.
I was just about to leave, I Does she know that I just saved your life? No.
I never thanked you for that.
He made me hesitate, and if I hadn't Eliot would be gone.
If the Monster's building a body, maybe there's a way that we can save him.
I can help.
Just let me stay.
You saved my life.
You can save my life 50 times.
It's not gonna change anything between us.
I loved you.
Maybe you couldn't trust that.
It's done.
Good-bye, Alice.
You were looking for your book.
Yours and your friends' books are in the Revision Room.
But I happen to know where that is.
The end of Quentin's book.
He's going to die.
Isn't that how all books end? His ends next week.
Your birthright box, which it has been my honor to guard, dictated your absence from the kingdom and your return.
We need your help, Shoshana.
I have a new deity to follow.
The Poison Room fountain has a stack of books for a statue.
- So if we find the right fountain - We can walk right in.
When you get back what the gods took from you, could I maybe have Eliot back? You were friends with Eliot.
The very best of friends.
You should know that your friend Eliot is dead.
I felt the moment his soul died.
Or he's trapped in there.
Forced to watch everything the Monster does, just waiting for us to find a way to help him.
[SHOUTING.]
Hello? There's one thing every resident of the Physical Kids cottage must know.
Where the bathroom is.
- How to make - How to make.
- Our signature cocktail.
- How to make our signature cocktail.
That's what I was trying to that's what I meant to say.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Oh.
Now you can make it on your own.
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
Should I get that? [KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
Rather not.
Ah.
There you are.
Here I am.
Sorry, I had to interrupt an orgy upstairs.
You broke up the orgy? No, I told them there was a bigger room two doors down.
Mmm.
Now I don't say this lightly, but I think this might be our best party yet.
And I say this with the weight of my whole heart.
I concur.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
- I'll get it.
- Don't.
Whoever is that desperate to come in can't be fun.
Oh.
What do you like most about summer? Hmm Nothing.
You don't like summer? No.
Nothing's what I love about summer.
No class.
No people, just beautiful nothing.
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
No Go make me a drink.
Mm-kay.
I'm Eliot, by the way.
Uh-oh.
That's Eliot's my name, too.
Well, that can't be.
What's your middle name? Um - Todd? - [KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
Should I get that? Never answer a cop knock.
Oh.
Beautiful nothing.
Now that's the kind of man I need.
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
Don't answer it.
Then we have to talk to them.
Oh, come on.
I just want to see who it is.
No, you can't come in.
Well, I'm sorry, but that sounds like a you problem.
- [SCREAMS.]
- [SCREAMS.]
Margo! Margo! [SCREAMING.]
Eliot! [GROANING.]
Inside.
- What? - Inside, we must go inside - Yeah, yeah, no.
Do we know you? - They're coming.
Let me inside, please.
I won't harm her.
- This is only for your urgent attention.
- [GRUNTING.]
Yeah, I'm not worried about you harming her.
[GRUNTING.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[SCREAMS.]
But you make a point.
Uh, let's go.
[SUPERNATURAL SHRIEKING.]
Are you done being sad now? I need your help.
No, I'm not.
Is this about your friend? Because that's not a problem.
I'm your friend.
He's gone, but I'm here.
Same number of friends.
So.
What is this? How am I supposed to know? I would like for you to be helpful, Quentin.
[SIGHS.]
It's really old? Like beginning of civilization old.
And where was that? Mesopotamia was the first That's very helpful, thank you.
I will see you back at the apartment.
[EERIE MUSIC.]
- So spacious.
Mine wasn't nearly half this size.
What's with the that out there, is it Sorry, I'm at a loss for words, which is new for me.
I'm sure you're quite flummoxed.
Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.
Well, the good news: a monster possessed you and is inhabiting your body.
- What? - He normally tears people to shreds, so believe me, this is preferable.
And when he possessed you, he thrust all of you to this nook of your mind that holds all your remembrances.
Everything here is remembrance.
Even your friend here.
Now, do me a favor.
Imagine she's not here.
What the fuck? Oh, tell me.
I've been trying to understand it.
I just can't figure it out.
What is "fuck"? Well um, well, it's sort of like a a chameleon of a word.
Wait, um Who are you? Oh, uh, well, I'm Charlton.
Now, I have repressed many memories, but I would never forget somebody named Charlton.
- Thank you.
- Not a compliment.
I'm not a memory.
I once was possessed by the Monster too.
I was in my memory for it's hard to say.
That's it.
I'm pretty sure I shot you.
Or your body, at least.
Sorry.
No bother.
It was the Monster's longer than it was mine.
And I have quite enjoyed the change of scenery.
This is what I call your Happy Place.
All your pleasant remembrances live here.
It's very easy to get content and lose track of time.
And reality.
So you're here to break me out.
My knight in drab armor.
No, that would be ridiculous.
We stay here.
We don't.
I'm taking my body back.
No, no, no, no, no.
This is the only place the creatures can't come.
We can't oh, right.
The scary shrieky things that live outside.
What are they? The Monster's other hosts.
Inmates from the Castle.
Horrible, wretched mistakes of the gods, all of them.
Yeah, but if if this is all my memory, then they can't really hurt us, right? Would you care to ask the Knight Ora? She was here before you.
- I would, actually.
- Well, you can't.
Because she's dead.
Dead fuck.
That's not quite right.
And I told her that when you die here, you're gone forever, but she just had to try and find her door, and pray imagine what befell her? Devoured by creatures.
Flesh rent from her bones.
Skin torn from her skull.
She died staring at her own face held before her.
- That is awful.
- Yeah.
What's this about a door? [WHISTLING.]
Could you not, please? What, no time for cheer? We escaped the Library safe.
You hid your friends.
They're safe, too.
Yeah, well, not Quentin.
And what exactly are you gonna do about it, hmm? Besides scowl? Save him.
Warn him, I don't know.
I don't owe you an answer.
You wanna know what I think? Jesus God, never.
I think we need to cast another spell on that book for you.
I know exactly where I need to go.
Quentin's book showed me where he is.
And he only has a couple days left.
Oh, so you trust one book and not the other? That's funny.
There's only one place I can try to make things right.
Redemption arc.
Word of advice, 'cause I can see you need it.
Apologize for what you've done, fine.
But never for who you are.
'Cause you'll never be able to change that.
So why pretend? We're getting closer, aren't we? Just a few fountains away.
[SIGHS.]
All I need is one moment to find my friends and tell them I'm alive.
Help me.
Or I'm kicking you out of the Happy Place.
I can do that.
- Right? - Yeah.
There's a door somewhere.
Hidden deep in a forgotten remembrance.
Forgotten remembrance? For me it was the door to my childhood bedroom.
But not part of the memory.
Just - just there.
- What memory? Where how did you get there, Charlton? You can get to any memory.
You just think on it and walk outside.
The one you seek, though, is difficult to find.
It's hidden well.
Even from you.
It hides in the place you think of least because you don't wish to.
Why? Because it's so terrible.
Huh.
So just my most repressed and traumatic memory.
This'll be fun.
Come on, Charlton.
Time to take a walk down memory lane.
Wait, wait, wait.
- Why do I have to come? - You're coming.
Are you sure this is the right one? What, you don't trust the book? Well, no, it's just I well, I've never seen one locked before.
Here.
[STONES CLICKING.]
[GRUNTS.]
I'll throw this down for you in case you change your mind - and you wanna climb back up.
- Oh, very good.
Right.
Well, Alice, I suppose this is good-bye.
I do hope wherever you go is is where you're supposed to be.
Same to you.
Right.
Well, here goes [WATER SPLASHES.]
Hey, 23.
Can I get a ride? I ain't your personal Uber.
I'm back to Earth after finishing the eggs, which I'm telling myself come from a chicken.
It'll be real quick.
I just need to get my birthright box.
And I'd love to do that before having to break the Eliot news to the whole castle.
Because that's not gonna be a short convo.
Yeah, I'm helping Julia with a god power thing.
You're seriously blowing me off to score points with your crush? I'm the only one that can perform the ritual.
You're the one that brought your fuckboy with you.
I brought Josh 'cause we needed a decent cook.
And we're cool.
Just like Julia and me are cool.
- Cool? - Cool, so about that ride? Thanks for breakfast.
High King Margo, you're back! Where's Eliot? Hey, Julia, uh ready to run some diagnostics? - Sup, Shoshana? - Oh, we already ran them.
Oh, uh Okay, what did they say? Inconclusive.
Uh, we're looking for the right ritual to try.
But, um, I'm her follower now, so I can handle it.
- Right, so I'll just - Oh, do you happen to know any diagnostics to run on pseudo-gods or whatever? Can't say that I do.
Mm.
Oh, so We're good here, then.
Right.
I'm gonna bounce.
Uh, text me if you, uh, need a ride, or something.
- Thanks, Penny.
- [GASPS.]
Oh, shit, I I totally forgot to ask if you have any magical wards or cloaks.
They could be interfering.
Uh, yeah, a massive cloaking spell.
This evil bitch Irene McAllister is after me so, uh, you can't remove it.
I need it.
Oh, crap, I just did.
Um, just, um, give me 30 seconds.
I'll protect you.
Julia.
Check out this bitch.
Iris.
What are you doing here? That Monster you let out of the Castle is after me and my friends.
Gods in hiding.
It's so gauche.
But you're gonna help us trap him.
I'll help you.
If you tell me what I am.
I'm not a human.
Not a god.
You're the worst parts of both.
Helpless as a human, immortal as a god, so everyone you ever love will die and you're just stuck here on this stupid rock, alone, forever.
Because no one can kill you except for, oh, hey, someone exactly like me.
So listen.
This is a living stone.
Its blood keeps the Monster from traveling.
Blackspire's made of thousands of these.
That's why it's the perfect prison.
Unless, of course, someone opens the door.
But the blood can hold him in place for a few minutes.
So bleed the stone, dump the blood on him.
I'll take him to the Castle.
You really need me, or did you just come here to talk shit? Mm.
Gods can't touch the blood.
It fritzes our powers, not that that's a problem for you.
I'll be watching.
Once you dump the blood, I'll do the rest.
And please, don't do your usual thing and screw it up.
Okay.
Cloak's back on.
What? Do I have a booger? Well.
[SNIFFLES.]
That wasn't as bad as I expected, considering it was my first cry as a widow.
Yeah.
Just two short hours.
How long did you cry? When you found out that Eliot's that he I've been a little busy.
And it seems like you're good now.
So I'm gonna go.
Wait, wait, Margo.
Margo.
Margo.
High King Margo.
- You're returned.
- And just leaving.
Before you do, could you say hello to Her Slowness, Abigail? She's not herself.
Seeing you might lift her spirits.
What's wrong with her? She's not speaking.
She hasn't said a word to me all day.
Rafe.
Come here.
[BOTH SNIFFLING.]
[BOTH CRYING.]
So, great, you have each other.
I'm going to find my birthright box.
Look, not to be a dick, but, uh, drawing blood from a stone is a saying for a reason.
Yeah, I know.
She wasn't in the mood to elaborate.
Yeah, she was too busy making threats.
Shoshana has her reservations, but we have no choice, so Wait, what reservations? - Well, Shoshana thinks that - Iris can't be trusted.
Okay? That bitch is all sketch.
Bacchus hated her.
Why, did she, uh, give him an intervention? No, he wouldn't say.
And he told me everything.
Okay, look, the point is, Iris talked him into doing something a long time ago, okay, and the fact that he wouldn't say what it was? That should be enough to scare us off.
Look, we don't have a choice.
Iris made that damn clear.
- So if you could help us - I am helping.
No, Shoshana, you're getting in the way.
No, she's right.
We have to do this.
Q, if this works, Eliot will be locked in Castle Blackspire forever.
Eliot's dead.
And the Monster's coming back here.
So let's figure this out before he does.
Hey.
Hey.
Penny, right? I know you? Well, here it is, Charlton.
My greatest trauma.
Someone put a sheet over you and wheeled around your strange bed.
That's Logan Kinnear.
Very deceased.
That's me.
The first time I ever used magic was, um to kill Logan with that school bus.
That is very fuck.
That's, um, still not quite right.
It's more of an adverb.
Anyway, he was a bully.
He was the single worst person in my life.
I can't tell you how many times he made me think about killing myself.
But when I did this, I became the worst person in my life.
Well, this has been very therapeutic.
Um, but I'm not seeing any doors.
Is there something especially painful that you're avoiding? Look at me.
I would say that I I I am suffering some very special pain.
Well, it's not all bad.
You have a friend to comfort you.
My only childhood friend.
Taylor.
Everyone else would taunt and bully me, but never Taylor.
Never.
Oh, shit.
I think I know where we need to go.
- Bitch.
- Yeah! You can kick him harder than that.
What, you wanna kiss boys? - Queer.
- Kick him.
- Faggot.
- Little bitch.
- Let's kick him.
- Come on, kick him.
[WHISTLE BLOWS.]
All right, that's enough.
He gets the point.
Let's go, come on.
Let's go.
Out of here.
Let's go.
Come on.
Hey! Eliot! I said that's enough.
Oh, my.
Come on, Taylor.
Let's go, buddy.
Hating myself for who I am is one thing, but to hurt somebody else? [SUPERNATURAL SHRIEKING.]
Do you see a door? None.
Back to the Happy Place? Hey! Hey.
You got to get a visitor's pass from the front office.
[GRUNTING, GURGLING.]
[MUTTERING SPELL.]
Oh, my God, it worked.
- Fantastic news.
- Ow, oh, God.
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
What are you doing? Um, reading.
You are so boring sometimes.
Look what I found.
How did you do that? I went to Mesopotamia like you told me to.
I never said It's really quite different than I remember, and I couldn't find anything useful.
I got so frustrated I almost broke it.
But when I pick it up and focus my power into it, this happens.
What does it say? We could look those up.
- The symbols.
- Really? How? Books.
Books.
- There's a library here.
- Mm, library.
Or we can take a field trip.
- Field trip - To Brakebills.
We could take a field trip to Brakebills.
They have they have a huge library.
Field trip to - Tons of books.
- To Brakebills.
Holy dick shit! What are you doing? The Last Lay.
The widow lays in her marital bed buried in the garments of her deceased love.
I was worried; you weren't at the bare-breasted laments.
Yeah? My boobs can lament just fine covered, thanks.
Can we get the locksmith up here? Everyone's gone for the day.
The whole staff is gone? Except for the carpenters building the Altar of Remembrance.
[MUTTERING SPELL.]
Hi, Quentin.
I need to tell you something.
Can I come in? - Uh, no.
- Fine.
I was in the Library Of course you were.
Don't be a shit.
They locked me up, okay? And but I escaped, and I changed our books so that they can't track us.
And when I was reading your book I read the end.
Q, you die in two days.
Why should I believe you? You're bleeding a living stone, right? To kill the Monster? You spend two whole days bleeding it and when you finally douse him with it, he kills you.
I'm not here to scare you.
I'm just here to tell you to forget the plan and run now.
If we don't trap the Monster, Iris kills Julia.
So thank you for the information, but I'm not bailing on her.
It's your life, Q.
What if I beat the book? It says it takes two days.
What if I bleed it faster than that? Any changes to the book can have a ripple effect.
Maybe it would work.
I can't do it any faster, so if you care to help, um I hate books.
Let's go back to the apartment.
Nope, sorry.
If we wanna find it, it's gonna be here.
This is it.
You found it? - Yes.
No? - No.
Yes? This game is confusing.
- Which is it? - Yes.
We found something.
It's just the, um, the wrong thing.
It's just totally wrong.
I'm sorry.
I really hate books.
[COUGHS.]
Okay.
This is the inscription, but we're trying to stall him.
I thought I was helping.
I know.
Look, you should go help Q at the apartment.
Please let me stay.
I'll stall him, I'll shut up, I'll do whatever you want, just he already took Bacchus from me.
I couldn't stand losing another god to him.
Okay.
Just stay out of the way, got it? Yes, yes, my goddess.
Yes.
This is too many.
If I cut it down any more, we're chopping bone.
Any one of these could have the door.
Or creature waiting to kill us.
It's really best if we stay here.
No, I have to let my friends know I'm still in here.
We have to go back.
Whatever you say, Jack Shepherd.
Was that a "Lost" reference? You watched it all one week over Christmas.
I stayed in that memory for a while.
- What did you think of the finale? - Stay on task, Charlton.
How do we survive visiting all of these memories? Oh, the large man in the short pants was quite awful, wasn't he? - That's what we need.
- More large men in short pants? Even better.
Charlton, meet my friends.
Quentin from the time I convinced him to fight Penny.
Fen, who was ready to fight pirates at a moment's notice.
And Margo the Welters captain.
No force in heaven or on Earth is more terrifying.
If you pathetic sons of bitches aren't crying blood by the time this is over Okay, okay.
Save it for the creatures that you'll be fighting while I look for a door back to my body located in one of these.
Every memory I've shoved to a dark corner of my mind.
Because being self-aware and happy don't always mix.
Let's start with the Embarrassments Minora.
The worst haircut of my life.
[SCREAMS.]
I'm sorry.
He's just a little shy.
Are you serious right now? Well, it's not like this has ever happened before.
Failing that, we move on to the darker stuff.
All right, let's do this.
Welcome to the Physical Kids cottage.
I sleep with people's boyfriends.
I've betrayed my friends by accident.
Go left, go left.
And on purpose.
Guards.
No, Eliot.
- Take her to the dungeon.
- No! Eliot Ugh, God damn it.
There's still no fucking doors.
I was feeling really good about those.
Brace yourselves, everyone.
AIt's daddy issues and dicks from here on out.
[SUPERNATURAL SHRIEKING.]
They're here.
Run.
Run.
You even tango with a knife maker's daughter? Come at me! [SHRIEKS.]
I got this! - [GRUNTING.]
- [growling [GRUNTING.]
Your face looks like a scrotum! Agh! Go! [SCREAMS.]
You bargain basement creature! Oh Get some towels.
- Is it bad? - Don't look.
[SIGHS.]
Fuck.
You got it right.
Yeah.
That should do it.
It just needs to drain and for a minute or two.
You can, uh, leave now.
Uh, when Julia gets out of the Brakebills ward, she'll text me and I'll meet her in the park.
Then we trap the Monster today, not in two days.
So we're good.
Deathly fate averted.
I should I should be there with you just in case what happens in the book starts happening.
I'm about to kill my friend.
It's a monster, I know, but it's a monster with his face and eyes and I'm just I don't have space for us right now.
I'm not asking you to! "A dog approached, wanting to play.
"The owner followed to talk to Quentin, distracting him.
"And in that moment, "The Monster saw the stone's blood and Quentin, "and, with a mere thought, sliced him apart, so ending the story of Quentin Coldwater.
" I didn't come here to make up with you.
I came here to save your life.
I'm just trying to figure out how to fix this mountain of shit that I've created.
Well, it's gonna take a lot more than just my life.
I sent Christopher Plover to the Poison World.
I figure that should give me some points in my favor.
You what? Well, I was supposed to send him to a peaceful world, but I thought that maybe he would do something to a little kid and and you know what, he doesn't deserve peace.
Oh, my God.
Oh.
[GROANS.]
Sorry, I'm back where you were confessing to murdering my favorite children's book author and yeah, I know, he's evil, - but it's - But does that make me good? Does killing him make me better or worse? I don't know.
I am trying.
Okay, Quentin? I am always trying.
So if you have some recipe for perfect redemption, just tell me.
Because I can't change the way that you feel, so just There's a spell Okay, there's a spell in here that that will tell me where I'm supposed to go.
So just let me come with you and then do this spell with me.
And then wherever it says to go, I'll go, and I will stay there for good, okay? Just let me help you.
Wherever it says? Do you promise? Promise.
Do whatever you gotta do.
Just get it open.
This seems rash, even for you.
Well, like my ex always said, I'll be happy once that box is open.
Margo, have you cried yet? For Eliot? Fen, I'm only gonna say this once.
Me joining your sad-face therapy party is dumb.
Because I can't cry out all the sadness ever.
Because if I start, I'll never stop, understand? I'll be useless forever.
And somebody has to rule this kingdom, and I will be God-damned if I drop the ball 'cause I was too busy lamenting with my tits out, all right? Your Majesty.
With deep regret I must inform you, the royal sheep choir? They've gone silent too.
But we need them for the memorial.
Who else will sing the Bleats of Despair? High King Margo.
A talking lizard of the Dunes.
I've only ever read about these.
Well, what's my birthright, you scaly shit? It's the talking animals.
They've all been struck dumb.
Well, shit.
All right, Fen.
I think I will do a ritual.
Earth specialty.
The sleep of solitude.
I pop an Ambien, everyone leaves me alone till noon.
That'll be perfect.
Mm, I never asked.
When you found your door, um what memory was it? The day that I left home.
That's it? That's your most traumatic memory? Yes.
Because I left Home.
But it was when you were confronted with what you fear most.
Great.
So just figure out what that is and I'll make a distraction, and then and then you can go there.
I know you're just a memory, but you're a very generous one.
Well, you sacrifice for people you love.
Oh, shit.
I get it.
Q, I'm gonna take you up on that.
Lead the creatures to my puberty.
Go bravely.
Okay.
I know where I need to go.
Did it happen? Fifty years.
It happened.
Okay, so they should be coming from there.
I'll stand here.
He'll come to me.
And then you drench him.
It was sort of beautiful.
It really was.
I know this sounds dumb but us.
We You know, think about it.
Like, we we work.
And we know it 'cause we've lived it.
Who gets that kind of proof of concept? We were just injected with a half-century of emotion, so I get that maybe you're not thinking clearly.
No, I'm just saying, what if we gave it a shot? I mean, would that be that crazy? Why the fuck not? I I know you and you aren't - What's the matter? - Don't be naive.
It matters.
Q, come on.
I love you, but you have to know that that's not me and that's definitely not you, not when not when we have a choice.
Okay.
I Okay.
Sorry, I What the hell is wrong with you? And what the hell are you doing? Q, the dog.
- Hi.
- Sorry about him.
Train 'em all you want, they're still gonna do - what they're gonna do, you know? - Mm-hmm.
You have a dog? - Q, she's the distraction.
- Hmm? No, I right, sorry, I got uh.
All right, man.
Okay.
Q, I'm gonna pour the blood on him, okay? You just run right now, please.
No, look, stick to the plan.
Go.
They're coming.
Someone good and true loves you.
And he went out on a limb.
And, yeah, it was a little crazy, but you knew.
You knew this was a moment that truly mattered and you just snuffed it out.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
Q, I'm sorry.
I was afraid.
And when I'm afraid, I run away.
If I ever get out of here, Q, know that when I'm braver it's 'cause I learned it from you.
Quentin.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Q.
Q.
[LAUGHING.]
It's me.
It's Eliot.
Okay, no games, come on.
- Let's just go.
- It's Eliot.
No, bullshit.
Come on.
Fifty years.
Who gets proof of concept like that? What? Peaches and plums, motherfucker.
I'm alive in here.
Eliot.
Whoa, no! Did it work? I hope so.
You fucked it up.
I warned you.
- No! - Wait, don't! Look what you did.
Iris.
Fancy seeing you here.
I'd like it back now.
[GASPS.]
I'm sorry.
You tried to trick me.
No.
No, it wasn't The plan worked, right, Q? Who is this now? Right the plan, the we we got Iris for you.
We couldn't tell you because she was watching, but we we did it.
This was all just a plan for me? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, and, um and here's the best part.
We didn't wanna show you till you had the piece from Iris.
According to this, uh, all those organs? They're building blocks.
Trying to piece together a body.
Is it yours? Impressive.
Eliot's alive.
What? He's alive.
Any minute now.
I was just about to leave, I Does she know that I just saved your life? No.
I never thanked you for that.
He made me hesitate, and if I hadn't Eliot would be gone.
If the Monster's building a body, maybe there's a way that we can save him.
I can help.
Just let me stay.
You saved my life.
You can save my life 50 times.
It's not gonna change anything between us.
I loved you.
Maybe you couldn't trust that.
It's done.
Good-bye, Alice.