UnREAL (2015) s04e05 Episode Script

1 I'll be the dad.
August is like the perfect sperm donor.
This is our child.
Some women are not meant to be mothers and you're one of 'em.
This is about my family and that's not you.
Let's get this party started! JAY: He full-on frat-boy date-raped her.
You need to expose him for who he really is.
RACHEL: I want Roger and Maya locked in a room together by episode four.
- Where are the fireworks? - They're coming.
They're just not coming tonight.
Faith, why'd you come on TV? FAITH: My church would kick me out for loving a woman.
There is a whole world of people waiting to love you.
You are the reason that I work on this show.
[BOTH EXHALE SHARPLY.]
To hell with being a producer.
You're the suitress.
Is Puzzle Boy part of your bang-a-thon? I'm not sure I'm ready for all of this.
Quinn's pregnant with your baby.
What the hell happened with August? He just asked me to be his new producer.
I made a huge mistake.
I want to go back to where we were.
You okay? [SIGHS.]
It's it's Quinn.
Now a piece of me is gonna be out in this world with no idea I'm its father.
It just feels like a nightmare, Rachel.
August.
Yeah? Quinn doesn't want that baby, and she's not gonna have it.
How how can you be so sure? Wow.
Looks like all you needed to get over August was a house call from Dr.
Jack.
Dude, I needed zero help getting over August.
I barely remember he exists.
Mm-hmm.
Ahh.
Fiona is happy as balls with the last show, which makes me happy as ball's balls.
- [LAUGHS.]
- JAY: Yeah, that expression's never gonna catch on.
I don't know.
I could see myself using that.
All right, I teed her up that tonight's episode is going to be huge.
Okay, well, I hate to brag, but everything that I've set up is perfectly in place.
Yeah, nothing braggy about that.
Including our surprise therapist who's gonna make sure Maya finally finds the courage she needs.
All right, but I don't want Oprah hugs and tears, right? I want a Jerry Springer shit-show confrontation.
Well, our after party has a pitchfork and a stockade, so, yeah, you're good to go.
Nice! I love it.
And I've got a challenge that will add fuel to the fire.
Get Maya ready to explode.
Eggs Marks the Spot.
JAY: Wow.
And here I thought you couldn't come up with a worse name than "Hump or Dump.
" Okay, look, I don't give a queef what you call it, all right, as long as Maya is primed to unleash on Roger, big time.
Oh, come on, ditch the moral face, Jay.
"Everlasting" is about to explode into a girl power, rape revenge, witch trial, right? Hello.
Hope I'm interrupting? Ball's balls! Chety! Buddy! How ya doing?! CHET: Cynthia, what the hell are you doing here? I just got a last-second invitation to the Creo Lux Retreat in Sun Valley.
But the stupid nanny's on vacation.
Worst timing ever.
So, we are gonna give you what you so desperately want three days temporary visitation.
That's incredible! - Chety, you and me.
Oh.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Why don't we go play with the woman that Daddy left Mommy for?! Oh, she's so much fun! Yes, you're gonna have such a good time with her! Have fun.
Bye-bye! QUINN: Chet? Chet? - Oh! - Uh, less gawking and more working, people! Go make television! - Chet-er cheese.
- Um, hey, Chet, listen.
I am really happy for you, okay, but this is a critical day, and we can't have the kid around.
How did Cynthia get into Creo Lux last minute, huh? Just take him to the zoo, take him wherever you take a kid, - but just get him the hell out of here.
- It's no problem.
This is gonna be the greatest bonding day between a son and a father, ever.
You ever been to the track? It's like a horsy zoo with wagering? What what kind of money do you have? - Do you have any allowance? - QUINN: What? RACHEL: You wanted my full support with this baby thing, right? So, here it is.
You're gonna have to do this sooner or later.
I mean, there is no convenient time to be a mom.
Don't send him to the zoo.
I mean, powerful women, they they multitask.
You just set up a space for him here.
That's what Shawn did to us.
Your support is killing me right now.
RODRIGO: Tommy? Hey.
Um, you're Noelle's producer, no? - Yes.
- And "yes" means? Yes, I'm her producer.
So, you're the one telling her to play hard to get, no? [LAUGHS.]
- Maybe.
- Yeah, well.
Look at these boys.
I'm not threatened by any of them.
Yeah.
Me, either.
Mm.
I don't know what your mother's been telling you about me, but I've been trying really hard to see you.
Can you say, "Da-da"? Da-da! [LAUGHS.]
We should be doing this all the time.
Hmm? Uh change of plans.
- Don't go to the zoo.
- Don't I would like you and, uh, Chet Jr.
to stay here.
Wait a second, Quinnie.
You just ran us out of here two seconds ago.
All right, look, the truth is, I am still gonna be Hey, enough steeping! Out! Go! I am still gonna be working 16 hours a day, I mean, after I have the baby.
So, this is a perfect opportunity to practice nailing this, with the help of a kick-ass nanny, of course.
So, what do you think? Actually, uh here is perfect.
Okay.
- FAITH: Rachel! - RACHEL: Faith, you're here! I am so honored that you called me - to come back and help out.
- Yeah.
This story, it's so important, and I'm so thrilled that you're finally telling it.
Yeah, you know, we're making a real statement here, you know.
And you, as a contestant and licensed therapist now, you can really help my ass, - so I think this is gonna be - Rachel.
Sometimes I look around at my life, and I know that none of it would've happened without you.
- Oh, that's really sweet, Faith.
- No, Seriously.
A gorgeous wife, sweet, little home, an absolutely beautiful relationship with God.
Yeah, no, I think that your Christmas cards - are, like, next-level cute attack, Faith.
- Seriously, Rachel.
You let me come out in my own time in a respectful way to the people I love.
I will always, always be grateful for that.
Thank you.
QUINN: Faith! Ah.
- I love you.
- Welcome home! I gotta go.
- Hi, Quinn.
- Dan.
- DAN: Hi.
- Get rid of this.
- What? - Far from here.
Must be my bonus.
I mean, this is amazing.
You came to us as a straight contestant in search of love and now you're a gay therapist in search of crazy people.
I am so proud.
All right, don't even start.
You got Satan in you, and I've always known that.
I've been watching this season of "Everlasting," and I am appalled.
I'm actually surprised that Rachel even stayed.
I mean, "Hump or Dump" is only something that could've come from your sick little mind.
- Yeah.
I'm the worst.
- Yeah.
So, I will pray for you, but I don't work for you.
I'm a professional counselor, and I'm here to do my job.
CYNTHIA: I don't appreciate being kept waiting.
Well, this should make it worth your while.
Even though everything's already been paid for, including the hot stone massage.
I am doing this for my career, okay? Mark Zuckerberg and Justin Trudeau will be there.
Yeah, I see strategic partnerships being formed all over the place.
Look, just make sure my baby's okay, all right? Bozo Chet was denied custody for a reason, and Quinn's so self-centered, I wouldn't trust her to look after a fish.
Your baby is gonna be fine.
- Thank you.
- I promise.
So will Quinn.
All-Stars, your journeys to find "Everlasting" love and "Everlasting" a million dollars has been arduous, no walk along a country road.
But you'll be Southern comforted to know that you will be meeting a therapist who knows exactly what each one of you is going through, a true "Everlasting" All-Star.
Faith! - Hi! - Hey.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Faith! - There's Maya! - So glad to see you.
Hi! Oh, my gosh! Y'all are so sweet.
Oh, I am so excited to help y'all navigate the raging waters that are "Everlasting," and find true love, like I did.
- I mean, with Amy.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Indeedy.
- Yeah.
Now, this challenge, you guys, will not be taxing physically, but it will be our toughest emotionally.
Obviously, Faith is here to lend an ear and her heart to help any of you that may need to recover from any fallout.
I'm here to help you with anything y'all need.
Anything.
All right.
Thank you, Faith.
That being said, ladies, would you follow me, please? QUINN: Does Faith even know what's coming? Don't worry.
She trusts me.
[SCOFFS.]
She's not the same old bumpkin who came up in here Season 13.
- People change.
- Hey, Quinn, - these ladies are here to see you.
- Ooh! Line 'em up! Dropping in a new stripper? I am hiring a nanny, thank you.
Uh-huh.
Mm-hmm.
Uh-huh.
Oh, wait.
You nannyed for Sheryl Sandberg? How do you think she had all that time to "Lean In"? You're hired! Thank you so much for your time.
Please get an "Everlasting" water bottle from Graham on your way out.
DAN: Oh, you guys are gonna love Graham.
GRAHAM: If you'll follow me, please, into the chicken coop? Here's how this works.
I'm gonna ask these women a question.
The answer will be one of them.
Now, rather than verbalize the answer, each woman is gonna grab an egg and throw it at the woman that they think - is the right guess.
- [SCOFFS.]
Welcome to Eggs Marks the Spot.
Congratulations on lowering an already-impossibly low bar.
GRAHAM: First question, which woman did Rodrigo say "uses her tongue like Picasso uses a brush"? - [LAUGHS.]
Whoa.
- What? I mean, come on.
This isn't about me, right? QUINN: Look, no one is throwing their eggs.
We can't afford another "Passport to Dance" -style screw up.
Just wait.
It only takes one.
GRAHAM: Let me restate the question.
Which woman did Rodrigo say uses QUINN: Oh, yes! - There.
- [LAUGHS.]
"Tongue like Picasso," is totally Candi.
Sorry, honey.
I don't think he's talking about you.
- [GRUNTS.]
- Ooh.
Well, she for sure has had the most practice, right? Sorry.
I just I think that they might be right.
Oh, Maya, come on! Yeah, I think I I'm gonna pass on that one.
No, no, no.
I never said that, mi amor.
No one has a tongue like yours, trust me.
GRAHAM: Okay, that's a challenge - to the question.
- RODRIGO: What? If only we could know for sure, right, Rodrigo? Dan, I think it's time for the Monitor of Truth! - Bring her out! - SOFIA: Oh, my God.
What are they doing? M-O-T, tell us, whose lively mouth aroused Rodrigo? RODRIGO: It is I who has the probing tongue, right.
But Candi Coco, oh, my God.
I mean, she ella es como una artista en el arte de la lengua.
She she uses her tongue like like Picasso uses a brush.
Rachel?! What are you doing? - That was private! - [LAUGHS.]
¡Esa fue una conversación privada! - Oh, Prom Queen is pissed! - Rachel! - [LAUGHS.]
- Okay, now, give me Maya.
We need to break that girl.
GRAHAM: Which woman did Roger say that he would only shag after a handle of gin? Who did August say would benefit the most from therapy? [GASPS.]
Which girl did Rodrigo assume was asexual? Who does Roger think will wind up living alone with eight cats? Maya.
- Maya.
- Maya.
Maya will end up living alone with eight cats.
GRAHAM: Let's get back to our final three questions.
- Let's hope they're not too hard.
- CANDI: No! No more! Stop! - GRAHAM: What? - Stop! What the hell are we doing?! Why are we humiliating each other, because some shit the guys have said about us?! Screw this! All right, ladies.
Who is the biggest slut?! Roger! Yeah, Roger! Who has the smallest dick?! Oh, I don't know! Rodrigo, I see you! Hey, that's like that's not true! Oh, no, Rodrigo! Get over here! The most insufferable is you, Graham.
What Oh, come on.
Hey, I was Please hit Graham, please hit Graham! Oh! Yes! Yes! No more to the patriarchy! No more victimization - by creeps in power! - GRAHAM: Okay, that's it! No! Challenge is over.
The loser of Eggs Marks the Spot is Candi! And you are going home tonight.
QUINN: Oh, that's all right.
What network is not going to want "Stripper Queens"? Am I right? They are going to bend over deep for her.
And cut! FAITH: Rachel, Rachel, what is the eggs? Private confessionals? This is this is horrible.
You're not supposed to be in here! Look, I know that using confessions might seem like a violation, but this whole episode is about honesty.
I mean, it would be so much more embarrassing if these women didn't know - what was being said about them.
- Oh, my God.
Rachel, come on? I have a good sense of smell and this stinks.
Oh, this stinks.
This stinks like Quinn's bullcrap.
I can hear you! She's not doing this for honesty.
She's doing this to make Maya look and feel pathetic.
Maya is not pathetic.
She's a phoenix rising from the ashes, and you? You're gonna help her fly.
I know it looked like me, mi amor, but it wasn't me.
It was TV-me, TV-Rodrigo, you understand? I guess the camera adds 10 pounds of asshole.
[BOTH SCOFF.]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
How insane was that? Yeah.
I won't be eating eggs any time soon, mate, - I'll tell ya.
- Hey, listen, man.
Since you're my guy, we should talk strategy.
How to get you into the finals now that Candi's gone.
Yeah, actually, Tommy, I've kind of gone back to Rachel as my producer, mate, and, yeah, we talked strategy this morning, so Wait, wait.
You you talked to Rachel this morning? Uh, yeah, basics, nothing more.
but anyway, I really appreciate your help.
Cheers.
[SCOFFS.]
Listen, Candi? I really admire what you did back there.
You spoke the truth about this place.
I'm, uh I'm sad that you're leaving.
Maybe I'm a little a little bit jealous.
[CHUCKLES.]
But I'm sorry to see you go.
CANDI: You're a really good guy.
I'm sorry.
I just thought that you should know that.
I want Maya flown in the second she's out of the shower and dressed.
- Copy that.
- So you're back with August.
Yeah, I am.
All right, you wanna go radio silence on your personal life, fine.
Just tell me who I should be producing, then.
Right.
Because that's what this is about.
Producing.
Are you having fun producing the shit out of Madison? Not as much fun as you had riding Jack.
Mmm.
Next time, maybe throw a towel over the camera? Or, um, did you want me to see? Well, I thought that you don't shit where you eat, so Yeah, that's a that's a soft rule.
More of a theory than a policy, really.
Come on, Rachel.
Dan, don't do this right now, okay? I have to get that Faith and Maya interview, and I need you on Roger.
Copy that.
FAITH: I'm so sorry, Maya.
We can pull the plug on this right now if you want to.
That is not what we want, Dr.
Reba McEntire.
MAYA: I wanna talk about why I'm not the same person I used to be.
I need to get this out.
You can start by maybe talking to some of the other women.
The bonds of sisterhood are mighty strong.
Maya's ready to pop her rape cork.
- Ooh.
- None of this should even be on television.
- You do realize this, right? - Oh, boy.
And, okay, yeah, Faith may have had a good experience, but it just as easily could've turned into a complete shit show.
So, what do you want? You want her to just stay silent, hide what happened? You're the problem.
This is the problem.
- CHET: Happy is in here.
- Chet? What are you doing, shooting "Everlasting Toddlers"? I'm recording memories with my son.
Uh, where is the nanny? Put her on break.
No, she's not a factory worker.
she is a full-time baby watcher, all right? Hey, Sadie, where the hell are you? Hey, Quinn, if you wanna spend your time with Chet Jr.
, I got this whole Maya thing covered.
No.
I'm not gonna miss this for anything, especially not for some sticky-fingered snot factory.
CHET: Hey! Come on, you said you wanted to do this together.
- Okay.
Hi.
- There you go.
[CHET JR.
BABBLES.]
- Just a quick shot.
So cute.
- Really? Really? - Just get a nice two of them.
- QUINN: Hi.
Not you.
- Okay, um - Oh, that's beautiful.
Okay.
Yay, look at us.
It's family bonding.
Uh, Sadie, isn't it time for him to take a nap? - Yes.
Come now, baby.
- Great.
Okay.
- Come here.
- Follow me.
We're get some shots in the Throne Room.
- Come on.
- Hurry up, hurry up.
Hurry.
- This Come on.
- Come now, daddy.
CHET: Let's hurry.
Okay, I want Roger locked in the stocks with pissed-off women pummeling him with rotten fruit.
Ooh, I love that.
This is your night.
I'm telling you your night.
Okay, I'm excited.
Here we go! FAITH: Hello, ladies.
I know that everyone's feeling just a little bit raw after the egg-stoning, but Maya has something that she wants to share, that I think could lead to some genuine healing.
[SIGHS.]
Um so, it's about Roger.
He's not exactly the fun-loving good guy that you guys think he is.
He's not a good guy at all.
I know this, because of what he did to me during my season.
- What? What did he do? - What happened? Let's get this party started, shall we? Tommy, can we fly in our guest please? Mm.
Roger? Let me grab you for a quick interview.
Of course.
There's no egg on my face, right? [LAUGHS.]
I was drunk.
And he took me to some room.
It was dark.
I could barely even stand up, and he had his hands all over me, and he FAITH: Uh, Roger, can you give us some privacy, please? SOFIA: No.
No, no.
Maya was just telling us what you did to her.
I'm sorry, did what? Wait, what are you what are you talking about? Hey, go on, Maya.
Tell us exactly what you mean.
It's just Maya, we talked about this.
Or at least, I I tried to talk to you.
Last night, when we stayed in the same room in the same bed.
If you had something to say to me, why didn't you say it then? Because this feels like a witch hunt, like you were just waiting for the for the cameras to do a TV moment.
No, no, that's not what this is about.
Maybe you just feel guilty we hooked up, because you were supposed to be on the show for Adam.
- [GASPS.]
- Wait, what? You cheated on the suitor? What? Excuse me, no.
I did not cheat on the suitor! You have no idea what my life has been like - since I left the show.
- ROGER: [SCOFFS.]
You didn't leave the show after we got together.
You stayed there for three more weeks.
You only left after that poor woman Mary killed herself.
Which granted, must've been terribly traumatic for you.
Why is this criminal sounding reasonable, Rachel? FAITH: Maya, you can tell your truth.
NOELLE: What is the truth? SOFIA: [LAUGHS.]
Okay.
You know what? Listen.
My life changed a lot, too, when I left the show, but I took responsibility and bettered myself.
You can't just blame everything on men.
It's just bad for women.
NOELLE: Look, Maya.
You're making some pretty big accusations.
And I want to believe you, but what are you trying to say? He raped you! Just say it, you coward! Rachel! ROGER: Look, Maya isn't a liar.
- [CHET JR.
CRYING.]
- Okay, she's great.
But I know what this show does to people.
You know, the producers and their their mind tricks, being trapped here like this It's hard to tell what is real and what's not.
No.
Okay, so, let's give Maya her space, and she'll sort it out.
- No! No! No! - QUINN: Okay, you know what? This is not fireworks, all right? I have rape revenge blue balls, and they suck.
Sadie! Make it stop! Karma has entered the building.
This was our whole episode, your whole season.
We have been building to this since Day One, so what the hell happened, Rachel?! You think I don't know that?! I busted my ass for this moment and I am not gonna let some weak, damaged pussy take it away from me, okay?! [CRASHES.]
This is my moment! This is mine! [CHET JR.
CRYING.]
FAITH: You said it.
Don't think that you the way you think Maya? Hey, let's talk about this, okay? I can still get Roger, I can get the girls.
We can still do this.
Foot of the gas there, Rach.
I think Maya needs some time to regroup, okay? I'm sorry, Rachel.
I'm so sorry.
No, of course.
Yeah, you two should talk.
Faith'll know what to say.
Rach.
How's it going? [SCOFFS.]
Not now, Jack.
Look, Rachel may think that she can pull this off, but I need a Plan B so that I can deliver 60 minutes of something.
- [CHET JR.
CRYING.]
- Oh, my God.
Again? How do people do this with the crying all the time?! I got you, boss.
I'll figure it out.
[SIGHS.]
Uh, what the hell, Sadie? Are you deaf or incompetent? Go in there and make him stop.
He needs to learn self-soothing.
I do not pay you 400 bucks a day to sit on your ass.
When he cries, you soothe.
This is how bad habits are formed.
I'm not doing that to the child.
Oh.
Yeah.
You know, I really wish I didn't have this one bad habit of firing people, but I do.
You're fired! I'm going to pray for that little one.
Because you are clueless with children! Hate the show, too.
[SIGHS.]
[CHET JR.
CRYING.]
[GROANS.]
Please! Soothe yourself, I am begging you! Ugh, where is Chet?! CHET: Now, which one does Mommy drink? Why am I watching this shit? Well, I'm gonna show this video to the judge for my petition for partial custody of my son, along with your testimony that when Cynthia dropped Little Chety off, you smelled alcohol on her breath.
Dude, I don't have time for this.
I think you do.
I did a little digging, and I found out how Cynthia got into the Creo Lux Retreat.
Turns out, it was you.
Yeah.
I wanted Quinn to have a glimpse into the reality of her situation.
Yeah, well, here's the reality of your situation.
You're gonna testify for me, or I'm gonna tell Quinn that you're not on board with her pregnancy, but are conspiring to destroy it.
I thought there were some lines even Little Weirdo wouldn't cross.
Like screwing over your best friend.
I'm not screwing her over, I'm trying to help her.
Quinn's gonna be an amazing mom.
Yeah? We'll see.
Please, just could you touch someone else for once, all right? I am not a fire truck.
This is a fire truck.
[SIGHS.]
Have you seen Chet? Um, no, not since this morning.
What is this? I'm letting Faith do her whole like, Kumbaya thing with Maya and then it's my turn.
I'm not gonna let her off the hook.
Well, while you go down with your worthless ship, I told Tommy to come up with something else for the date.
Okay, yeah.
I mean, like, do whatever you want.
I'm getting this confrontation, so Come on, Rachel, all right? We know that this isn't really about Maya.
- [STATIC.]
- Hey.
Oh, wait, hey.
What are you doing? - What are you doing? Don't touch those.
- Uh-oh.
Don't touch those.
Okay.
Here we go.
Oh, crap! Oh, crap! - Is that crap?! - God! Please, please! Tell AD Dan, bring me some towels and a cage.
Okay? Hey, uh, Dan, we need towels and a cage in the Control Room.
Ugh! This is disgusting! - Okay, I got it.
- [SCOFFS.]
Ugh.
Ew.
Yes? Okay, we'll do a super-sexy "Everlasting" carnival.
Uh, games of skill, adventurous booths, - big prizes, lots of alcohol.
- Okay, I'm sorry, but we only have seven contestants left.
That sounds like a very grim carnival with only seven people.
Okay, well, I'll round up some people.
- [GROANS.]
- Hey, Quinn, Rach said something about a cage, but I crap.
- Please, please.
- Yeah, yeah.
It's all over your hands.
- Wow.
- Okay, Dan.
Yeah? How many crewmembers do you know that have families and kids? Because I need to get a whole crap-load of them here within an hour for an "Everlasting" carnival.
Yeah, no, my wife and I have two.
Uh, she's actually nine months pregnant, so almost three.
Wait, you're married? Yeah, we just Oh, hi.
Uh, yeah, we were separated, but it's cool now.
So, I mean, we weren't together when we Hey, stop talking! Your wife is about to give birth? - Yeah.
- Get her full womb here immediately! - Well, she - Now! Go! - Go! - Do you want that? - Bad idea.
- Get out of here! - What's a bad idea? - Whoa.
That is not pudding.
Where have you been, Chet Father? I tried to feed him, change him, sell him on eBay.
- Where's the nanny? - She was an idiot, so I fired her, all right?! I just I can't deal with this.
- I can't.
- All right, I I will take little Chety.
Come on, Bubba.
Okay.
Oh! Oh, God.
Here.
Just take it.
Just take it.
Yeah, that's a doody.
That's doody.
CHET: Okay.
Hey.
- How's she doing? - Not good.
Hey, Jay? Why did Quinn send in Roger so soon? - That was an ambush.
- What? No, Quinn had nothing to do with that.
[SIGHS.]
- What? - Come here, come here.
Jay? No one has had Maya's back all season, you hear me? So, if you're really her friend, you need to get her out of here, right now.
What? Jay, what are you doing? [SIGHS.]
Okay, just Where's Maya? - Is she ready to confront Roger? - You know what? I think I'm gonna take her out of here.
This place isn't healthy for her.
No, you're not taking her anywhere.
The only reason I brought her back here is for this, and the only reason I brought you back is to make sure she delivers.
So, why don't you go back in there and do your job, okay? - Oh, my God.
- Mm.
Oh, my God.
It's you.
Not Quinn.
You were my superhero, Rach.
You know that? You protected me, and you chose my happiness over ratings.
But I can't hold you in my heart if you're gonna make your life's work destroying women on national television.
What happened to you? Seriously, what happened to you? I don't know.
Oh, I should go apologize to Maya.
Thanks, Faith.
[SIGHS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
So, you're running away, huh? That's not what's happening.
Makes sense.
I'm starting to think you were playing me this whole time.
Rachel, you know what happened.
Do I? Yes! You say it was rape, but I remember how you took your dress off at the table - and seduced Roger.
- It was a party! I didn't know what was gonna happen.
Maybe it wasn't so horrible.
Maybe you wanted it.
No! That is not true! Hey, you know what? It doesn't matter.
If you leave now, everyone's gonna think that Roger was right that you were lying.
Maybe that's the truth, after all.
In Rio, Carnivale is the celebration of excess right before Lent.
And here in "Everlasting," it is the celebration of excess right before Sent, as in, sent home, which one of you will be tonight.
So, have a good old-fashioned fun time, guys.
But don't lose track of the bigger contest, because the ladies will be watching your every move.
What is he wearing? I mean, seriously, someone should check the Megan's Law database to see if he's registered.
GRAHAM: Let the games begin! This better work.
Oh, my God.
Look.
[LAUGHS.]
So, Rachel got Maya to stay and what, just like, produced Faith right on out of here? She's so good, right? Um, that's a Carolyn here? All right, let's go.
[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYS.]
Noelle? Oh, my God, you look amazing.
- You look incredible.
- Thank you.
How's it going? You know, been a stellar day.
I know, I know.
Those Rodrigo testimonials, they must've hurt so much.
Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm just doing my job.
We're supposed to make this whole thing a journey, - but really, it is supposed to be fun.
- Mm.
Oh.
Bartender?! You know what? Do a shot with me? Let's just let's just loosen things up.
- Let's just get this party started.
Bartender?! - No, no, no.
No, I don't think so, I don't think so.
It's okay.
I'm okay.
I don't think it'd be the worst thing to let them get some footage of you not being a stuck-up pain in the ass.
Okay, that's not who I am.
Look, I know that, but we just have to make sure that's not the story that they're telling.
Okay, so, take a sip, drink, and have a good time.
Mm.
That's my girl.
You're my new favorite.
I love you.
Okay.
Come on, let's get these drinks flowing! Bartender, drinks all around! - And just - Dan? DAN: Yeah.
Oh, hi.
Um, Quinn, this is Carolyn, Carolyn, Quinn.
Hi, so, when did the doctor say that this stuff was supposed to kick in? I don't need much help.
My first one came in three hours.
And the second one shot out in the subway on the way to the hospital.
I absolutely would've sprung for a cab, - but I thought we had more time.
- I hope that he told you that for your trouble, we'll happily cover this kid's freshman year of college.
I don't think so.
You're gonna cover all four years, plus travel.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
And you're gonna fund Danny's Indy feature, so he has no more excuses.
That seems a little excessive.
Daniel, call me a cab.
We're going.
Wh Okay, fine! Fine! It's a deal.
And America has a little art house straight-to-video gem coming her way.
Yippee.
Great.
Get her into hair and makeup.
Go.
JAY: You cannot be serious with this.
Oh, come on, all right? I have paramedics on-call.
One of our contestants - is a pediatrician.
What could go wrong? - [SCOFFS.]
- God, this place is out of control.
- Exactly, I have a woman who is about to give birth, so I need all-hands-on-deck.
I want her crowning by midnight.
Come on! Hey, I just, um I wanted to check in and make sure that you're cool after today.
I mean, like, honestly, I had no idea that Maya was gonna pull that rape shit.
Yeah, well, I'm fairly certain tonight's my "Everlasting" finale, because none of the girls are gonna pick me now.
I wouldn't be so sure.
I thought that you came off honest, heartfelt, empathetic.
If anything, what happened today made you seem like a better guy.
That's what you're supposed to tell me, right? Well, here's something that I'm not supposed to tell you.
The person who is really taken with you is Noelle.
Really? Oh, yeah.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah, she is, like, so over Rodrigo.
She thinks you're twice the gentleman that he is.
If I were you, I'd make a move.
MAN: Five, now, here we go, here we go.
2 bucks.
2 bucks.
Roll it through, win a prize.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
Think I'm gonna do it all handheld.
like Cinema Verite style.
Mmm.
Can't wait not to see it.
Oh, come on? You're not gonna see it? You okay, babe? My water broke while I was sitting on the toilet.
JAY: Ugh, gross! No.
Off-camera? No, that's not gonna work.
Someone get me special effects.
Yes! Look at you, superstar! Hey.
Belissima! I'm gonna win one for Noelle, one of Sofia, one for Maya, and one for Candi, too.
I'm gonna send it to her.
Make everything good again.
I don't think you need to try so hard.
I mean, you're Rodrigo.
Yes, you're right.
This is what I'm thinking also.
- I have to tell you something.
- Hmm? I didn't bring you back here for the other girls.
I brought you back here for me.
Rachel! I've been trying to stay away, but I just can't hold out any longer.
Mm.
For you.
That's all you got for me? Keep this.
[LAUGHS.]
- RACHEL: Stop! You'll make it - NOELLE: What the hell are you two doing? Uh You know what? I'm so sorry.
I will, um I'll just leave you two alone.
No, no, no, no.
No, no.
You go! Go! You stay, right here! You are having an affair with a contestant.
And I know that is absolutely against the rules.
Noelle, I am not having an affair with Rodrigo.
Okay, I'm just lubing him up for the party.
I'm producing him.
Right.
Producing him to love you.
Dude, this is exactly what I'm talking about.
It's this kind of raging insecurity that made Rodrigo cut you and choose Stephanie in Season 10.
Girl, you did not just mention Stephanie?! You just need to stop obsessing over a guy that's already rejected you.
Move on.
What about Roger? - No.
- Why? No, not Ro No.
No, after all that stuff Maya said about him.
Dude, that bitch is crazy.
We both know it.
And besides, Roger is very pro-woman, he would make a great partner, and honestly, he's into you.
- He is? - Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, if anything else, just make Rodrigo jealous.
I mean, you've been playing hard to get, why not take it all the way? ROGER: You.
Just the person I wanted.
Hey! [LAUGHS.]
WOMAN: Whoo! - Hey.
- Hey.
It looks like Noelle's about to salute the Jolly Roger.
- SOFIA: Ugh, that little slut.
- Mm-hmm.
Poor Maya.
Good news is, Rodrigo's now free, and I'm really thinking that you should upgrade from a pediatrician to an international soccer star.
I mean, not bad for a night's work, right? Yes.
Right.
Oh, my God, you are amazing, Rachel.
Yes, I am.
- You're the best.
- I am the best.
[CAROLYN SCREAMS.]
What was that? Somebody call a doctor! WOMAN: Somebody's gotta do something.
CAROLYN: My water broke! [ALL MURMURING.]
- What is this? - QUINN: Mm.
It's my Hail Mary to save the show.
I told Rigger Dave that I wanted a normal water break, not Niagara Falls.
So much for subtlety, right? [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
Ugh.
All right.
Come on, let's go.
Clean this mess up.
NOELLE: [LAUGHS.]
[SLURRING SPEECH.]
- Here we go.
Finally with the shoe.
- It's fine.
[BOTH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
Come on.
Wake up.
[GASPS.]
Wake [LAUGHS.]
It's morning time! [GIGGLING.]
You're no fun.
Too bad.
You had your chance.
This is what happens.
Dan, come with me right now.
Shit's about to blow.
The games of chance have turned into the game of life, as three of our contestants are helping deliver an actual woman's baby.
The miracle of birth will show the women here at "Everlasting" just how the men will do under the most intense circumstances and maybe even answer the ultimate question, is there a stud in the house? AUGUST: It's all good.
So, look.
I learned to doula from Botswani tribeswomen.
- Oh, Jesus.
- They're amazing people, okay.
So, what I want you to do is just hold your breath and spread your knees as far as you can and just just imagine the widest tunnel you've ever seen.
- It's okay.
- Or you could listen to a medical doctor who's seen real patients in an actual hospital.
[CAROLYN SCREAMING.]
Everybody, out! Out! [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
CAROLYN: [SCREAMS.]
Oh, God! [PANTING.]
All right, come on, Maya.
Where are you? [CAROLYN SCREAMING.]
Why isn't anyone paying attention to ? Oh, my God.
That is way too real.
- Wait.
- [GROANS.]
Did she just shit herself? [LAUGHS.]
No, she did not just shit herself? Okay, I'm sorry, I'm out.
I can't.
Nope! - [LAUGHS.]
- Can't do it! RACHEL: Where's Maya? She was following them.
[GROANS.]
Whoa.
[SLURRING.]
Dizzy.
How'd you get sound in there? Oh, where is she? Oh, dizzy.
[CHUCKLES.]
Mm.
It's okay.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
[MOANS SOFTLY.]
TOMMY: Holy shit, Rachel.
She's really drunk.
Are you sure this is ? - TOMMY: Rachel? - RACHEL: Just wait.
There she is.
Come on, Maya, go in there.
Oh, my God.
QUINN: You shit yourself? I had no idea that you shit yourself.
[LAUGHS.]
Uh, Rachel, what the hell is going on? Is she even conscious? Well, we have to stop him.
Rachel?! No, this is it! This is Maya's moment! We have to let her have it.
- Oh, my God! - No, this is sick.
I'm gonna go stop it right now! No, she's almost there! She's going in! - MAYA: Get off of her! - Oh, my God! Holy shit! - [SCREAMS.]
- Aah! Aah! - You crazy bitch! - [GRUNTS.]
[SCREAMING.]
[SCREAMING.]
Aah! Help me! Oh, God! - Please! - JAY: Call 9-1-1! [ROGER CRYING AND PANTING.]
JAY: Noelle, honey.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Are you okay? It's okay.
I'm gonna get another camera in there.
Oh, my God.
Oh.
Tommy, get some closeups on Maya's face and don't forget the blood, okay? What? What the hell is going on out here with all the noise? I'm trying to get him down.
- With all this scream - ROGER: Ohh! Oh, my God! Oh, God.
I'm going in there.
RACHEL: [CRYING.]
Please, I need an ambulance! - CHET: Security! Security! - We've had an accident! I am so scared! [CHET JR.
CRYING.]
It's okay.