Will and Grace s04e05 Episode Script

What? What? Tell me Is it bad? It's good? Very good? Sex? Oh, please, God, tell me you've lost the power of speech No What is the best thing that could ever possibly happen? World peace? Better I got a job at Barney's! Where are the cashmere V-neck sweaters? On the second floor And how do I know? Because I got a job at Barney's!! So what happened to the job at Banana Republic? Have you abandoned the Banana? So unlike you The Banana is dead to me Too gay Bad for my image Got fired? A little bit This is the catalog They gave it to me to familiarize myself myself with the inventory Meow Wouldn't you love to look like that? Well What do you mean "well"? Nothing, I just-- I don't know-- Somebody at work yesterday asked me if I'd, ahem if I'd ever done any modeling Ok, I'm just gonna have to put you on hold real quick just a second Ok, I'm back What were you saying? I don't know what's happening Maybe I'm growing into my looks or something, but-- but people are paying a lot of attention, you know? They're staring Well, you're strange looking You have an odd kind of shellacked look about you I don't know, Jack Think I might be purdy Will & Grace Loose Lips Sink Relationships ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 Ŭ·´ Will & Grace ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ It's to you, Karen Gin We're playing poker I know what we're playing I was ordering Now, come on Mama's dry! Well, we did it I was terrified at first, but it turned out that there was this little prick a little pain, and then it was over You know, he's standing right behind you We had our HIV tests today I had an ahi salad Aren't you guys a little behind the times? I mean, some of us have been getting tested since Frankie went to Hollywood Why now? Well, we figured since we're not sleeping with anyone else-- We're not? When did that start? Love the jokes about you not being faithful, sweetie They slay me Anyway Anyway, we get the results in a few days but in the meantime they said we should be prepared to make a list of all our sexual partners I made my list once Just for fun A veritable who's whom of the entertainment industry Don't you mean a veritable who's that of the entertainment industry? Hey, let's do it Let's make our lists of our sexual partners Come on, it's fun Gin! Ok, but on this list what counts as sex? hh, poor thing We have been over this so many times Well, let's say by whatever means we lost our virginity That's sex Ok, everyone, start counting now Uh, I had sex with 23 people Does that seem like a lot or a little? - A lot - A little Oh, honey Everything I say about you behind your back is true Hey, no, no, no No judgments We're just having a healthy discussion We're not here to shame anyone Sweetie, what was your number? Five Oh, my god how embarrassing Ohh, Jackie, I'm so proud of you You're a salesgirl at Barney's Hand cream? Would you like to try some new hand cream? Do not look at him, Karen! The hand cream guy is the lowest form of life here at Barney's Get away from us! Go now! Oh, poodle, I miss Stan Oh, what made you think of him? How's he doin'? Is prison awful? It's been really rough on him He lives for that one phone call to the house every day at noon If it weren't for that I don't think he could go on Well, it's noon now Yeah Ooh, here comes my manager She's a little witchy-poo so you're going to have to skidooch Ok If you need me I'll be in women's shoes One day, I hope to say the same thing Hey, Dorleen You're looking pretty No I wrote up your schedule for this week Oh, great I did the same thing - Hmm.
I don't think so - Hmm.
I don't think so Excuse me? Well, look, um Thrilled to be here Love you.
Love everything about you Thinking about being you for Halloween but I'm gonna need Friday off No! Please! My acting class is doing a showcase and I absolutely cannot miss it Every casting director in town is gonna be there to see me do selected scenes from "Caroline in the City.
" Let me tell you something, mister Do you know how lucky you are to be working here at Barney's New York, in New York? If you ever ask mefor another Friday night off I'll go ape on your ass I'm serious I will scratch your eyes out Ok, so, yes, maybe Well, look at you all dressed up In my new suit I'm proud of you, Jack You're here for my employee discount A little bit And what are you doin' later on? You are gross Oh, my god, Dorleen's watching Quick, act like a customer What are you-- Jack.
Hey! You just touched it! Would you relax? I'm a professional It's like an elbow to me Come on Stop it! Jack! Thanks a lot, Will! Hey, Dorleen Who's that you're talking to? I swear I don't know him Too bad He's hot Oh.
Oh.
Sure.
Yeah That's my dear friend Will Introduce me I'll owe you one Introduce you To Will? But he's gay-ained like a pound or two Um, but, you know he still looks great So? Well, I don't know I mean, I could, but uh, I don't know if my new shedule permits me much time Oh, I get it You're working me I like that.
I respond to that Ok.
mister.
You get me a date with your friend Will and I'll give you Friday night off to embarrass yourself at that stupid little skit show Oh, but that's so sweet Thank you, Dorleen No! Don't ever come inside this place Great Thank you Well, I'm HIV-free, herpes-free wart-freeand nine more negative tests I get a free prostate exam So, we're both clean Want to get dirty? Sweetie, I hope you don't feel weird thatI've had a lot more sex than you I just want you to know that you are very special to me Oh, I know Well, just because you've had more partners doesn't necessarily mean you've had more sex What are you saying? Well, I'm not saying anything Who cares who's had more sex? - I don't - I don't either Just for fun, let's add it up Why? 'Cause it's fun Math is fun Oh, yeah We don't do enough math Just remember this is not a competition It's just a fun activity where we add up the number of times we've had sex and see who's the winner Go Maureen-- Three years, two times a day New Year's Eve, planes, trains, bicycle That one hurt I guess it was just once with that guy What the hell was his name? Dindy? Indy? Oh.
.
Steve!! - Carry the three - Borrow the one Wow See? Hand cream? Would you like to try-- Sssss! Get away, creep Ok I'm here to take you to lunch No, no, no, no I'm taking you to lunch But I'm still paying Of course Hey you these just came for Dorleen Could you do me a favor and hand them to her? What? Yeah, she's in her office I'm just-- I'm swamped, ok? Just go in and hand them to her and I'll finish up out here And then we'll go up to uh, Fred's for lunch, ok? Great.
Thanks.
I'm just-- I'm sorry I would, except I'm busy-- Busy bee Can I help you? Where you going? Come in Hi, Dorleen Uh, I'm Will, Jack's friend Oh, right Like I don't know who you are Hi, Will Hi.
Heh Uh, these--these are for you Oh, wow I wonder what I'll do to deserve this Should I read the card? I guess you should if you want to I thought I was the only one who felt like this Well, I guess not You guess not Ok So bye - What is going on? - What do you mean? With your boss Why does she keep looking at me like she's Carnie Wilson and I'm two ounces of chicken? I, um I can't tell you Jack All right Dorleen is an up-and-comer in-- Dorleen is an up-and-comer in the corporation and one of her jobs is to scout the real-people models for the catalog And she thinks- God, this is hard- You would be a great model Why? She-- She thinks I'd be a great model? Yeah I know it's hard to believe Really? Karen I want to ask you something but it's really personal and I'm afraid you're gonna be insensitive Oh, honey that makes me feel bad Try me Ok Do you think it's weird that I've had more partners but less actual sex than Nathan? No.
No, honey That just means that people like having sex with Nathan and they don't like having sex with you I can't believe I hesitated to ask you about that Oh, relax honey, I didn't mean it like that Of course I didn't Listen to me I just meant that people don't like having sex with you, ok? Better? Better? Much Oh, my God What if you're right? What if he's lost interest in me sexually? What if I'm like Space Mountain? You know, how, once you've been on it you never feel the need to ride it again? Well, Grace, you have to work to keep men interested in sex How do you keep Stan interested? Oh, I exercise I've never once seen you exercise Oh, it's not in any place you can see What? What kind of exercise-, Oh? Yeah I'm doing 'em right now I am not gonna let Nathan lose interest in me I am not letting him slip away Honey, that's what the exercises are for Tonight I'm gonna give him the hottest sex he's had in his life He's not just going to Space Mountain He's going on every ride in the park Ooh, I think I just did one Come in Hi.
Dorleen, I--I just I want to say that, uh Jack told me what you were thinking Oh, god! I'm so embarrassed I feel like I threw up a little bit Oh, no, no.
That's ok.
I just-- I wanted to tell you that I-- you know I could be interested in-- You hear that? He's interested Oh, wow! Well, um, I'm interested, too Yeah? Uh Well, great! We'll talk later Oh, I--I should tell you that, um When I blow my hair dry totally different look Oh.
Well, ok Great

Well, that gives him ten minutes to get dressed and an hour and 50 minutes to learn how to act You know, I was actually hoping to run into you Really? Yeah.
Me, too I've been thinking about you all day Hi Hi The reason I came by is, uh I--I--I'm not really very aggressive but I'm trying to be the kind of guy who just goes for what he wants so I'm just-- I'm just going to say it Oh, my God I can't breathe Dorleen Yeah? I've got the slim hips and broad shoulders that a sweater dreams about I can carry a man purse and still look masculine I feel that my fat-to-muscle ratio is right on target but I'm willing to bulk up Do you want to see me walk? For starters, yeah Walk into my office Ahem.
Hi Monday through Friday he's a corporate lawyer but on the weekend the suit comes off and he is ready to rock 'n' ro--Aah! What are you doing?! I thought we were being aggressive I thought I was auditioning To be a model? Ok, I'm outta here Hasta menorah What are you doing here? Why are you naked? Hand cream? Want to try hand cream? Hand cream? Hand-- Hand cream? Grace? I'm over here What are you doing? Waiting for you You wanna f- What? Let's f-- Water Now, why are you smoking? 'Cause it's sexy Doesn't get much hotter than that Grace, you know I've been thinking there's a lot of things I haven't shared with you Well, why don't we start sharing? Uh, no, no, no I'm serious Like, I have a weak side a vulnerable side How about your front side? Oh! No It's really important that we share something other than-- I want to have sex I want to talk! Come on! Don't you want me? No! I want to tell you about my pets Snork and Chairman Meow! Take me! I'm not a piece of meat! Talk to me! I don't want to talk! I don't want to have sex! I don't want you in my living room! Get out! Have your sex in the gym like normal people Will, you don't understand Karen told me he's losing interest Yeah, well, Karen told me that sex is all I have to offer And Karen told me that Christmas celebrates the birth of our lord Cartier I mean, come on Karen? You don't take relationship advice from Karen You get advice on-- I don't know-- what wine goes with mood stabilizers You're fine together Your relationship is fine I feel kind of So do I Do you want to go talk? About Snork and Chairman Meow? Hell, no Straight people are so crazy Hello!