Abbott Elementary (2021) s04e06 Episode Script

1
Hey. Good morning to my favorite school.
How is everyone doing?
- What do you want?
- So a bit of a problem.
Sounds like a "you" problem.
I haven't said what it is yet.
Proceed.
So there have been students
from various schools
playing in the golf course
construction zones.
And some of them are
wearing Abbott uniforms. And
And you would like us
to get our students to stop
so that the other students
will stop as well.
Yes. The Abbott students
are disturbingly influential.
Thank you. [CHUCKLES]
We can get our
cool-ass students to stop.
That's why you're my favorite
school. [CHUCKLES]
For a price.
What is your price?
Actually, we really need
new gym equipment.
- Oh! Okay, so like what?
- Yes.
Like new archery board, lacrosse gear?
Oh, our lacrosse sticks are so worn down
after all of the lacrosse
that we have been playing.
[LIGHT LAUGHTER] I think
she means like new footballs.
- JACOB: Basketballs.
- Dodgeballs.
- Parachute.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah!
- For skydiving?
- What?!
- JANINE: No.
You know, you throw it up
and the kids run under it.
Oh, yeah, you mean a disposable gazebo?
[SCOFFS] Oh.
I actually can't with this man.
No, man, the one with
the handles, you know?
And you're like, whoo!
I-I'm just I am not familiar.
- Oh, come on!
- You know a parachute.
- You know, gym class?
- Have you ever been in school?
Everybody holds it and go like
ALL: Whoa!
It's like a circus tent.
And it's like ahh! Whee!
And then everybody takes turns.
- It's a parachute.
- And you run in.
And you, like, have a great time.
I do not know what you are referencing!
I'll just send you a link then.
Cool. Bye.
[MAKER'S "HOLD'EM" PLAYING]
You have a phone call on line two.
It's Manny from the district.
Ugh. Tell him I'm not here.
Tell him I died.
Tell him I'm on "Survivor".
Ah! I'll take it. Damn it, Dia!
What's up, The Manny-dalorian?
MANNY: Oh, like that!
Can I use it?
You can absolutely buy
the copyright. Is that all?
Jokes on jokes. This is fun.
So, listen, as you know,
since you've been
principal at Abbott,
test scores have gone up,
absences are down,
and after school programs
have increased.
Yep, I truly am "that gworl."
And the district wants more
principals to be "that gworls."
We want to invite you
to give a speech
at one of our Philly School
District Ed Talks.
Super low lift, it's just
a run-through with me,
then the big show.
Ooh, how much does it pay?
It's more
of a volunteer opportunity.
I do not want to do this.
You are welcome for my time.
Hey, Dia, you know
that's strike three, right?
Like, you know that, right?
Hey, Mr. J.
What are you doing here so early, Chad?
I'm doing a career report
for social studies,
and I decided to shadow you
and write about it.
- You got gloves?
- No.
Good. They just slow you down.
Let's go.
An Italian hoagie and an
Italian hoagie, extra Italian.
Oh, grazie, Deli Man.
Best hoagies in West Philly.
Well, get 'em while you can.
Landlord may not renew my lease.
- What?!
- No!
First golf course comes in,
then small businesses
get priced out of their leases.
But what could they possibly put here?
The deli across the street
is being turned into
a freakin' smoothie shop.
[GASPS] Which one?
- Smoothin' On Up?
- MELISSA: Mnh-mnh.
On Blended Knee?
Oh, it's not Fruit Goops, is it?
He knows so many
different smoothie shops.
Nope. It's gonna be a
Fruit, There It Is.
[QUIETLY] Let's go.
Gregory, lower that roof!
That deli is an institution.
Yeah. This sucks.
What, I'm supposed to drive
all the way to Wawa now?
Murder me!
Look, I don't know.
Neighborhoods change. Okay?
No. Greg, you don't understand.
- Gentrification is like a
- Shut up.
I'm tired of driving all the way
to University City
every time I want a 16-ounce
Banana-Nut Shred
with extra bee pollen.
Your thoughts about food are war crimes
and you should be sent to The Hague.
Hey, y'all. What we talking about?
Either catch me up
or change the subject.
We were talking about
Vetoed! [CHUCKLES] That settles that.
Ugh!
Not Manny trying to get me
to volunteer my voice
in a public setting for free.
Ava, please explain.
He asked me to do some
Ed Talk or whatever.
[GASPS] Wait, an Ed Talk?
Ava, that's awesome! Congratulations!
Yeah, that's very cool.
What's the focus of your talk?
Oh, I turned it down.
Did you not hear me say it was unpaid?
Ava, you really need to reconsider.
This is a great opportunity for you.
And the school!
Closest Wawa 22 left turns away.
Yeah, and if you do the talk,
it'll put us back in
the district's good graces
after, you know, Janine, well
The district does not
have a problem with Janine.
No, no. They do. They hate me.
They told me they have
a problem with me.
But the way the district works
is if you're front of mind,
then your school is front of line
for new resources.
So you see, you are
getting paid, just indirectly.
Plus you love to boast.
- I truly am great at it.
- Mm-hmm.
You should do it.
Ugh, fine.
- Yes! [SNAPS FINGERS]
- But my
time's coming out of your paychecks.
- Uh, no, it's not.
- No, it's not.
- What? That's not fair.
- Mnh-mnh.
Okay. Then just Jacob's.
- Fine, fine.
- Okay.
Okay, t Wait. No.
All right. Okay.
Viv, why don't you go next?
My name is Viv.
I am seven years old,
and my favorite thing
to do is sing in the car with my mom.
Lovely. Okay, Dante, how about you?
My name is Dante.
I am eight years old, and
my favorite thing to do is draw.
Good job, Dante. Okay, Nate.
My name is Nate.
I am seven years old, and my
favorite thing to do is eat paper.
[STUDENTS GIGGLING]
Okay, so how much paper
would you say you've eaten?
Like, just a teeny tiny
He ate "Peter Rabbit."
What?
[LAUGHTER]
Dia. Dia!
Dia! [BANGING ON DESK]
Come on, girl.
Hang that up real quick.
I'm sorry. Can you hold on
just one second?
Yes?
I am gonna kill this speech,
girl. [CHUCKLES]
I'm so happy I let the teachers
talk me into doing it.
I'm, like, actually working on
it and enjoying it.
Ava, this is my son's doctor
on the phone.
Oh, damn, girl. Take that.
What are you doing?
AVA: I just feel validated.
I always do things my way
and people don't always like it.
But the district has seen my methods
and they want the madness.
They want the Ava-lanche.
Really?
Isn't this more of a job
for a maintenance man?
Or a woman. But you're right.
It is.
Guys, I was just at the deli,
and everyone in there is so sad.
But also so fired up
that I had the thought
what if we activate the neighborhood?
What if we don't, though?
Yeah, we could canvass and inform and
Yeah, you know what?
We could go and pay a little visit
to the University City location.
You know, convince them maybe setting up
in a different neighborhood
is a good idea.
And I will come along with you
because I have a few choice words for
Fruit, There It Is.
Yes, I love it! Okay, are we doing this?
I can make some fliers on Canva
and start papering this town.
- Ooh!
- This is what being the change feels like.
Are you feeling that? [LAUGHS]
Okay. Everybody, hold on.
If you're going,
can you take my punch card?
I'm like three punches away
from a free Teddy Blendergrass.
- Boy, bye.
- Come on.
Chad, lemme tell you something.
This is gonna end in chaos.
How?
You'll see.
So much to learn, youngblood.
C'mon, let's go sweep the roof.
You're not afraid of heights, right?
No.
Still time to help save the deli, Greg.
I have already set up
an online petition.
I put fliers in all local
storefronts that would let me.
And I even spoke with the
B.L.A.C.K.S. yesterday.
Excuse me?
Building Love and Creating Kids' Safety.
The activist group. Remember?
They protested the school last year.
Should probably get in the habit
of saying the whole name.
Yeah, well
Well, the Building Love and
Creating Kids' Safe ties
are on board and mobilizing as we speak.
- About that.
- Yes!
How did it go at
the University City location?
Did you guys really let 'em have it?
So we went down there to give
them a piece of our mind.
We were raring to go. [LAUGHS]
Walked right up to that door,
put our hand on the handle.
Didn't even knock.
Don't have to. It's a store.
But then we noticed
they had free samples,
and, well, after our long
and taxing drive
Yeah, it's rude to turn down
a free sample, Jacob.
I gotta tell you, I have no idea
where this is going.
Well, the sample was so good,
we considered changing our stance
on the smoothie shop moving in.
- But we did not.
- Of course not.
Oh, thank God.
Yeah, it took multiple samples.
[GASPS] And they're
all home runs, Jacob.
Seriously, what's one
less deli in this deli town?
Mnh-mnh. We drank yours.
But we got one for you.
What? We had a plan.
I-I papered the community.
Just try it, Jacob.
It might change your mind.
- Oh, okay.
- Do it.
[CHUCKLES] That sounds nice.
Mm-hmm.
Ohh!
Psych!
I am really disappointed in all of you.
So I guess that means
you don't want your punch card.
[LAUGHS]
I'll take that.
These can be combined.
- Hello?
- Hey. Sorry.
Hey.
I've got a paper eater in my class,
and I'm just trying
to get inside his head.
Ah. I had a girl in my class
lick glue last year.
- But it was a one-time thing.
- See, that I can handle.
But apparently,
he's been doing this all year.
Maybe he's doing it for attention.
No, there's a real passion there.
I tried to document it in my calendar,
but the little Billy goat ate November.
Oh, wow. Okay.
Maybe it's like an anxiety thing.
Maybe it's that, but some
kids just like to eat weird stuff.
I used to eat crayons. I love the snap.
Get him some of that edible
paper that they use on cakes.
Wean him off and call it a day.
Hmm.
That's how I kicked crayons.
Pretzel sticks and Kit Kats.
I licked ChapStick once.
Sicko.
- Eh, here we go.
- Mm-hmm.
Here to tell us
how anti-progress we are?
What? [CHUCKLES]
What are you talking about?
That doesn't sound like me, does it?
No, I'm I'm
I have thought about it
and I am looking forward to
the new smoothie shop.
So why the change in tune?
Because it is rare to see you all
- so excited about something, okay?
- Okay.
And if it makes you happy
to have this place nearby,
then darn it, I'm happy, too, okay?
Bring on the fruits,
add some milk, blend it up.
Let's have a good time
with the little time we have
on this big old rock they call Earth.
What's that on your collar?
What? A hickey, probably.
You can't get a hickey on clothing.
[SNIFFS]
[GASPS]
That's açai. [SNIFFS]
With a whey protein boost.
You tried Fruit, There It Is!
Wait, you Postmated
a smoothie to the school?
Where'd you get 30 bucks?
I didn't Postmate anything.
Then where'd the açai come from?
[GASPS] You dug it out of the garbage.
He dug it out of the garbage.
Jacob! Stop eating out of the trash can!
Look, the only thing I hate
more than gentrification
is waste, okay?
And we as a culture, need to
have a serious conversation
about when trash is really just food
temporarily situated in a garbage can.
You liked it, didn't you?
- I loved it.
- Mm-hmm.
It was It was so fresh.
If you like their açai,
you wait till you try their secret menu.
You should see me off of
two shots of that wheatgrass.
I'm just like whoo!
Bobby, sit down. [LAUGHTER]
They figured it out.
Didn't seem to turn into chaos.
The chaos hasn't even begun.
That's just the tip of the trash can.
And after that is
"The Art of the Scheme,"
where I basically address
how a scheme is like a dance.
Poetic. Maybe just not for this talk.
What else you got?
Okay. "Intimidation as Motivation."
Let's put a pin in that puppy as well.
Uh, "Withholding Pay as Motivation."
Illegal.
Well, I already took out
"Kelly Rowland as Motivation," but I
Hey, Ava, to be honest here,
- I'm starting to get a little worried.
- Why?
This isn't quite what I was
expecting from you for the talk.
Especially the part
about renting out the gym
to unsanctioned groups.
Wait, are you talking about the
church choir or the drug dealers?
So listen.
[DOOR OPENS] Hey.
Ooh. How's the presentation going?
I'm not doing the talk anymore.
Uh, por qué?
Manny changed his mind.
What? But he reached out to you.
He wanted you for it.
Yes, but when he heard my presentation,
he said I wasn't right for it.
Said he didn't want to encourage
the other principals to act like me.
He basically called me
"too hood" without saying it.
Okay, well, hold on now.
Janine, it's cool.
I've been told I'm too much or too brash
or too blunt or not right
for the job my whole life.
I'm used to it.
If people don't like me, it's on them.
Let me see the presentation.
Okay. Oh, wow. Ava.
[CHUCKLES] This is so bad.
Like, really, really terrible.
- Get out.
- No, no, no, it's just
Look, it's just
this isn't it, you know?
Like, yes, you do those things,
but it's not all you do.
You make clothes
for our students who need them.
You put on fundraisers
so that our kids can go on field trips.
And you somehow understand your
teachers and what they need.
And that's what makes you
a great principal.
Yeah, but the problem is,
I don't do it "the right way."
All right.
You once viciously made fun
of my jelly bean belt.
Once? At least a dozenfold.
And told me I needed to dress better
because I deserved better.
And I was mad at first.
But you were right.
Your approach might be "too whatever,"
but the results speak for themselves.
You should focus on why you do things
and not how you do them.
Wow. Look at me cheering myself up.
Okay.
But it's too late. Manny's
already going with someone else.
I'm gonna put in a call to the district.
Mm-hmm.
Don't they hate you?
Oh, I wouldn't call them fond of me,
but Manny owes me a favor.
I taught him how to ride a bike.
What do you know?
Always something to learn.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS] Mm.
Remember, your projects
on Unsung Women in History
are due tomorrow, okay?
Shouldn't be a problem if you
started when they were assigned.
[SLURPING] What's going on outside?
[CROWD CHANTING IN DISTANCE]
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
That smoothie place has got to go!
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
That smoothie place has got to go!
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Oh, no! It's the B.L.A.C.K.S.
That smoothie place has got to go!
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
It's It's not what it sounds like.
Hey, hey! Ho, ho! That smoothie
place has got to go!
Oh, my
Hey, hey! Ho, ho! Hey, there!
- That smoothie place has got to go!
- Hey, there, protesters.
What, uh What are we so upset about?
They're trying to take away our deli
and put an açai place in here!
We found out about it from this flier!
Hey, hey! Ho, ho! That smoothie
place has got to go!
The one time my canvassing works.
Ho, ho! That smoothie place
has got to go!
- Chaos.
- Chaos.
Ho, ho! That smoothie place
has got to go!
We are angry. We are mad.
We like the deli. Smoothies are bad.
Aw, there's nothing like the
sound of dissent in the afternoon.
What in the world?
Hey. Um, you know what?
Let's Let us consider
the scene in front of us
from a smoothie half full perspective.
- Oh, hell no.
- Jacob, I need my smoothies.
Jacob, I haven't been
this regular in five years.
- Fix this!
- Wow! Okay, okay, okay.
Hey, everyone! [CHUCKLES]
I'm loving the energy, okay?
But you know who the real enemy is here?
Fracking. Fracking is bad.
Frack is wack!
Let's get that going.
That's That's catchy.
[CROWD BOOING]
Hey, hey, do protests even really work?
I mean, the Chiefs are
still a team, am I right?
No, no.
What we need to do
is bottle up all of this passion
and then pour it on the golf course.
Because after all, that is what
is destroying this neighborhood.
Barb. Barb,
if the golf course goes away,
the smoothie shop goes away, right?
And so don't do that.
Thank you.
Are you all protesting me?
ALL: No!
Then why are you doing this
in front of my place?
I don't know!
The instructions weren't clear.
My bad. My bad.
Save the deli!
[CLAPPING RHYTHMICALLY]
ALL: Save the deli!
[CLAPPING RHYTHMICALLY]
And then I'd like
to end on creative solutions
for stretching a limited budget.
So Janine called the district,
and they really do hate her,
which tracks.
But I'm grateful they're gonna give me
another chance at the run-through.
I think I know what they want now.
Incredible.
That's what we're looking for,
Ava.
So I'm good
for the speech tomorrow night?
Yes. And just to clarify
- Still unpaid.
- [CHUCKLES] Had to ask.
You know, things change. [LAUGHS]
Of course. Well, it's
good to see you. Thank
[SIGHS]
MELISSA: Looks like
they're getting tired.
Well, I guess this might
blow over after all.
I just got a call from the landlord.
Said he didn't realize kicking me out
would be such a big ass-ache.
Now he's renewing my lease.
I guess you guys did it.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Well, how about that, Jacob?
Once again, a white man
comes into a community of color
and makes things worse.
I should have known better
than to dream.
I'm gonna go in and buy a Mountain Dew.
No. [SCOFFS]
Hey, Mr. J!
I finished my report for social studies.
Thanks for letting me shadow you.
What'd you learn?
Sweep before you mop.
Chaos is inevitable here.
And that you need these.
I don't, but thanks.
Hi. Good morning, Viv. Good morning.
Oh, Nate. Hi. Come on over here.
Look at what I just got.
Edible paper. Isn't that all paper?
Just trust me and try it.
Cleanse that palate.
Well?
It kind of tastes like a cookie.
Kind of makes me want to have cookies.
Do we have any cookies?
I will have one for you at lunch.
- Thanks, Miss Teagues.
- You're welcome.
That paper tip Ava gave me
that was pretty good.
She can be really surprising.
It's another great thing about her.
I still maintain that the
most crucial aspect of this job
is empowering our students and staff.
When someone can't see the
potential that you see in them,
they might need a little push.
And it's up to us
as leaders to give it to them.
[APPLAUSE]
Yes. Double jacket.
How do you toe the line
between giving encouragement
and giving orders or even overstepping?
I'd say repetition.
Let me give you an example.
A member of my staff dressed as
a nun going on vacat No?
Um, a member of my staff
was stuck in a rut.
But by being consistent
with subtle advice,
her perspective shifted and she
was able to make small changes
that led to her becoming
the incredible educator
that she is today.
How you give the advice
is up to you
because it's not always about the how.
It's about the end result.
[APPLAUSE]
And that's how I saved
the school from ringworm.
- Mm!
- Ava, that was sick.
Thank you again for volunteering.
No problem. I love doing it.
It was so good.
You know, people actually
do get paid for this?
- Paid?
- Not here,
but at private speaking
engagements and seminars.
- Oh, yeah.
- Like how much?
Like thousands of dollars.
- Thousands, you say?
- Mm-hmm.
Well, this has been a pleasure.
If you guys want to keep
speaking to me, it'll be $1,000.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh.
Get excited, people.
The deli is making smoothies now.
- Oh!
- And they sent these as a thank you
for saving a beloved small business
from the clutches of gentrificach.
Well, it's a win-win.
The neighborhood gets to keep
a local fave
and we get free smoothies.
Deli smoothies.
They don't have the training.
Oh, well, I guess
these will just have to do.
Enjoy the refreshing taste
of community action.
- Chindon!
- Hey! Love it.
- No.
- [GURGLES] Oh.
Oh, fallen angels! That is vile!
What is in this?
Mango Mortadella Fusion?
Is that menthol?
Appears we have the same flavor.
- Menthol madness.
- Ugh!
Mine is it's mostly
Nerd Clusters and
Hot Fries.
Yeah, which, honestly, I'm
- STUDENT: Are you ready?
- Oh, wait, guys, I'm in next.
No, wait. Hold on. Hold on, hold on.
Whoo! Eee!