Casual (2015) s04e06 Episode Script

1 ["Kodiak" by Ultimate Painting playing.]
JAMES: Just leave my name Never before have I seen A void like this Staring out into this wise The eyes of suspense Covering the lines in my hands So Kodiak Gives up the ghost tonight Break through right Breaking in sunlight Never before have I found my way down - Ova, make two espressos.
- [electronic chime.]
OVA: Coming right up, John.
[coffee machine whirring.]
Wow.
She does, like, everything you ask, huh? It's consensual.
Maybe you should follow her lead and take my car on your trip.
Nothing like a luxury vehicle on a road to hell.
You won't regret it, I promise.
The car or the trip? [laughs.]
I keep telling myself, "Don't worry.
It's three against one.
" And surely, the emotional damage - is done by now, right? - Tell me this isn't the greatest espresso known to mankind.
Ova, shower on in the master bath.
OVA: The shower is heating up.
Ova, what horrors does my mother have in store for me today? OVA: I'm sorry.
I can't answer that question.
Then you're no good to me.
[jaunty music.]
It's pretty good.
There will be no questions in any format until I deem myself fit to respond.
Also, I must be fed and watered with relative frequency.
These are the conditions of my participation, and there's no room for negotiation.
Got it.
You look like you were dragged through a hedge backwards.
That was a statement, not a question.
[plucked string music.]
I'd like a banana strawberry sandwich, please.
Mom wants a banana strawberry sandwich.
Oh, there we go.
That's a good piece.
- Mm, mushy.
- Mm, yeah.
RAE: Beautiful.
Do you want to maybe talk about last night, or Yeah, it feels like we probably should.
- Right? - Right.
'Cause this kind of pretty big thing happened.
Why are bananas yellow? That's a good question, - Monkey.
- That is.
[clears throat.]
Uh, "Bananas turn yellow when they ripen "due to the decreased amount of chlorophyll, in a process similar to leaves turning from green to red.
" However, "Not all bananas turn bright yellow, "and some varieties have red, purple, or green skins, even when ripe.
" I like bananas.
- RAE: [laughs.]
- Good.
Um So sorry, you were saying? I, uh, was n no, I thought you were saying - VALERIE: We're here.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What? ALEX: Yep, your best friend.
Look who it is! Is that who I think it is? Auntie Val! Hi! I like bananas.
What? Oh.
Carrie, you're not going to believe this, but I like bananas, too! She's gone banana-crazy this morning.
Oh, do you want to get up? How can I say no? Are you ready to rock this? Yeah, let's do it.
- Yeah? - What happened to her? Oh, the accused is not taking any questions.
I see some bananas for the road I wouldn't mind taking.
RAE: All right, uh, give my love to your mom.
Absolutely not.
So I'll, uh I'll see you when you get back? Yeah.
- Definitely, yeah.
- Okay.
Okay, um, boop.
[laughs.]
- Ah, bye.
- ALEX: Yeah.
VALERIE: Thank you.
I am going to cherish this forever and ever.
She doesn't give them out to everyone.
- No? - No, very rare.
Oh, why thank you! Go to Mama.
Okay.
Have fun.
Oh, thank you.
Bye, Rae.
- RAE: Bye! - Bye, Carrie.
Okay, let's get this over with.
Let's go.
[quiet upbeat string music.]
ALEX: Has anyone seen my car keys? I'm driving.
Uh, what? I mean, if you're gonna have a midlife crisis 15 years ago, this is the car for it.
I actually like the Defender.
Classic off-roading vehicle.
But I guess that's not John's thing.
Vinyl was an interesting choice, huh? Not a ton of leg room, is there? Think that might bother me.
Yep, it would.
Oh, wait, shit.
No USB port for my "Road to Nowhere" playlist.
Kind of a bummer.
I spent a decent amount of time on that.
Guess it's Top 40 and religious rock radio for us.
[static over radio.]
Hm, that's weird.
No radio presets.
[radio beeps.]
Should we get CDs? I'm thinking best of The Eagles.
[laughing.]
Oh-ho! I've hit the mother lode.
Is that a cognac tan? Okay, you know what? How about you just sit here in this luxurious, high-end vehicle and enjoy the ride.
Fine.
[sighs.]
Laura, you want some water? [retches.]
- Oh.
- LAURA: [retches.]
- Shit.
- [Laura whimpers.]
LAURA: Ah.
I told you I should've sat in the front.
Oh, it was that fucking banana.
This is a bad omen.
Ever since we got in this car, things have been off, and not just the upholstery.
What if this awful car is trying to send us a message? What message? [deep voice.]
"Stay away, children.
Quit while you're ahead.
" What about "Hey, kids, it's been four fucking years.
- Get it over with"? - Four years.
- Wow.
- Look.
Mom's our Olympics.
We've been training for this.
This is our shot and if we miss this cycle, she might be dead.
I can make peace with that.
Okay, everyone, big news.
I'm not going to puke again.
Right, I'll alert the media.
Look, Val, we tried.
Let's just call it.
Oh, come on, Alex! All for one, one for all.
There is no I in "team.
" We're stronger together.
All right, I'm having flashbacks - to JV basketball.
- Okay, get in the car.
Can I drive? Fine.
ALEX: Yes! [light rock over radio.]
How you doing over there? Two thumbs up.
[laughs.]
Hey, remember the time I got food poisoning from a squid in Maui? Oh, yes.
The purge.
LAURA: What happened? Mom made him eat more squid.
- [laughs.]
- [mouths.]
Oh, my God.
She suspected I'd been possessed by the Hawaiian god of the underworld.
Oh! both: Kanaloa.
Kanaloa! That's, uh, who she used to pray to when she drew her baths.
Sure.
God for every occasion.
God.
Um, do you guys remember when Mom told me at Dad's funeral that he wasn't actually my dad? [laughter.]
I do.
Oh, halcyon days.
Ah.
[laughs.]
"Oh, Valerie.
He's not your father.
" ALEX: You know, it is nice to leave LA sometimes, isn't it? Makes me miss it.
- Been gone three hours.
- [cell phone vibrates.]
I really like where I live.
Oh, yes.
Nice.
Are you sexting at the table? Uh, no, the interior designer sent over some graphics.
I thought you were the interior designer.
I am, but uh, John has a person I'm using as well.
Uh, okay, so just scroll, and then you can see what the store looks like now.
Okay.
[entry bell dings.]
LAURA: His person is way more modern than you.
VALERIE: Yeah, I know.
I'm trying to mix it up a little bit.
I liked the pink wall idea, though.
VALERIE: Mm.
Do you like the taps? Do you? Because I was on the fence, and now I think I'm just starting to come around on those.
LAURA: I mean, I know they're a thing.
Um, I gotta go to the bathroom.
Oh, okay.
Wait! Hey, hey.
- Wait, wait, wait, Alex.
- ALEX: [laughs.]
This is a work in progress, okay? What do you think? "Under the Tuscan Sun" meets "Basic Instinct.
" It's a bold statement, at least.
- Do you like it? - Sure.
John's new store looks great.
His celebrity friends are really gonna love it.
If you like it, I like it.
I do like it.
Pay the check.
[country music over radio.]
[jaunty music.]
Mm.
Man, what is his problem today? There was, like, so many things I could say to him.
At least I'm trying to change my life.
I mean, hey, Alex, who died and made you the spokesperson for healthy relationship choices, huh? Did "The View" call and ask you to comment on I don't know, monogamy? [toilet flushes.]
No, they did not.
You okay? Yeah.
You know, just your average existential crisis hangover.
You want to talk about it? 'Cause we got some hours to kill.
I'm okay.
You know, Alex's problem isn't with John.
It's with Rae.
Why? I thought they were okay.
Clearly, 'cause after the party ended, they had sex with each other.
No.
Didn't you see their good-bye? That awkward nose boop? And she was wearing the same clothes, and he's a teenager with no subtlety, so [jaunty music.]
I'm driving.
Cool.
Hey, um when did you tell Rae we'll be back tomorrow? I said around lunchtime.
Cool, cool.
So did you have a chance to talk to her after the party, or - Yeah, she was good.
- Oh, good.
- Oh, that's great.
- Mm-hm.
Friends first, right? Yes.
Yeah.
'Cause you wouldn't want to do anything to fuck that up, like um, sleeping with her last night.
[sighs.]
Jesus, I knew it.
For your information, she kissed me - Oh.
- And she was sober.
Oh, okay.
Well, that changes everything.
Uh, it does.
How many times have you had sober sex in your life? Really? That is completely beside the point.
No, it is the point, and by the way, the sex was great, and everything's working out like it should.
Oh, yeah? Then how come it was so awkward this morning when you were, like did that little fucking finger boop thing.
You know, every once in a while, Alex, I think "Wow, did he really listen to me? This time, it's gonna just be different.
" I am so sorry you don't approve.
I guess I'm not allowed to love the mother of my child.
No, just convenient that you declare that love as soon as she finally gets a boyfriend.
Actually, she and Jeff had a fight last night.
Oh, okay.
All right, never mind.
Sorry.
All's well.
- What are you doing? - Well, because I mean, you know You know what this reminds me of? Don't fucking say it.
What? You're Sarah Finn'ing her.
Sarah Finn is not a verb, and this is nothing like that.
Except it's exactly that.
Heaven forbid I might have actually learned something from what happened with Sarah Finn.
You never learn anything.
What are you talking about? As you all you ever do is just push all your feelings onto everybody else, and then as soon as anybody tries to love you back, you just self-destruct.
[ratcheting sound.]
Why is it doing this? - What is that noise? - I don't know.
- What did you do? - I didn't do anything.
- Just what's that noise? - Did you hit the gear shift? I didn't touch a fucking thing.
God damn it.
Does anyone else feel like the gods are conspiring to keep us from our destination? Oh, finally.
[low rustic guitar music.]
Nice knowing you.
Howdy! Haven't seen one of those in a while.
What'd you all do to her? VALERIE: I don't know.
She's working fine, - and then all of a sudden - Starts sputtering, - and it stopped.
- CY: Stopped? Yeah, in the middle of the road.
Did you fill her up with, uh, pump gas, unleaded? - Yeah.
- CY: Yeah? Well, that was a bad idea.
Oh, you motherfucker.
That is both a ridiculous place and font to put it in.
LAURA: We are gonna be so late.
ALEX: We should've turned around when you vomited.
- It really was a sign.
- LAURA: Oh, no, you don't.
This is a you problem, not a me problem.
I got distracted at the pump.
There was a woman.
A woman? You don't say.
Well, she was not of this world.
Well, there's good news and bad news.
- Uh-huh? - The good news is I'm gonna have your tank flushed by sundown.
- Okay.
- The bad news is you may have compromised your fuel system.
Um What does that mean? Means you might need a new fuel pump, filter, injector, spark plugs You know, I'm not gonna know till I take it apart, but that's gonna be mañana at the soonest.
You know, there's a, uh, motel down the road and a pretty decent bar and restaurant across the street.
Tell them Cyril sent you.
- All right, thank you.
- Yeah.
Sorry, sugar.
Ah This feels like good news, right? I bet good news.
[muted string music.]
VALERIE: Call Mom.
ALEX: I'd really rather not.
VALERIE: Why? She loves to hear about your failures.
ALEX: If we'd brought my car in the first place, we could be there in person to tell her about all your errors in judgment.
Eh, I'll text her.
VALERIE: Check us in.
ALEX: God.
I mean, did I do anything so wrong? LAURA: I mean Hey, uh [laughs.]
You were right.
That car's a dream to drive.
Um, in fact, I may not give it back to you.
[laughs.]
Anyway oh, I love the graphics that you sent over, so, uh, call me and we can go through them.
Okay.
Bye.
[calm classical music over speakers.]
Thank you.
Oh, um, sorry.
Could you please, uh, bring me a very large glass of red wine? Thank you.
Oh, God.
Whatever.
Shit.
Is that her? Yeah.
LAURA: Um, I see what you mean.
She's highly distracting.
- Right? - Yeah.
Well, too bad you're off-limits now, Casanova.
Ugh, God, I need something for this hangover.
- Do you mind? - Okay, I'm fine.
[quirky acoustic music.]
- Hi.
- MAN: Hi, how can I help you? Get, uh, two rooms, please, and could one of them specifically mine be as far away as possible from the woman who just checked in? Thank you.
[rock music over radio.]
- Hey.
- Hi.
You got something to cure a hangover? Dealer's choice.
Uh, do you want to slip gently into a sweet oblivion, or feel like you've taken a heavy-duty tranquilizer? Both.
- Thank you? - BARTENDER: Thank you.
[classical music over speaker.]
CY: How you doing tonight, Kassie? What do you got for me? Uh, it's the bison burger.
Medium rare, and my wine.
- You know it.
- All right.
[cell phone vibrates.]
- Hey.
- Hey! - You there already? - VALERIE: Um No, no, no.
We just, uh, just making a quick little pit stop.
So you want to keep her, huh? VALERIE: Huh? Yeah, I do.
Um You know, Alex really likes her, too.
JOHN: Well, he can't have her, either.
Right.
Well, he was asking - about the diesel - JOHN: Well, you know, before the whole world went electric, diesel was considered an ethical choice.
Did you ever accidentally, like, you know, put gasoline in the tank, or JOHN: Uh, once.
- Yeah.
- What happened? Just got it drained.
It's not a big deal.
So didn't need new spark plugs or anything? JOHN: Oh, babe, diesel engines don't have spark plugs.
[laughs.]
Really? [ukulele music.]
[phone chimes.]
["Shake" by Nathaniel & The Night Sweats playing.]
NATHANIEL: Shake, baby I feel you when you shake, baby I really want to Shake baby ["Why Not Tonight" by Jimmy Hughes playing softly.]
JIMMY HUGHES: To deny Your feeling, yeah When you know It's just a matter Of time Oh, why not Tonight Oh, why not Tonight Don't push me away When you know I'm right You know You want me So why Not tonight [slow dance music playing.]
[classical music over speakers.]
Hey, darling.
How you faring out there in the world? Well, you know, I could be better.
Yeah, well, let me just say, I'm gonna get to the Rover first thing in the morning.
I know what this looks like, but It's a school night.
Don't worry.
- [laughs.]
- Okay.
I appreciate your help, but I want my car, and I want it tonight.
Well, you know, my mommy used to say, "Son, sometimes you ain't gonna get what you want.
" But I tell you what'll help.
Little of this.
Come on.
This is the good stuff.
Come on, now.
Ah, yeah.
NATHANIEL: Get on your knees and come to me now I hope you really like to swing wild Why don't we step just see now Curl your lips gonna be while Do an old-fashioned, please.
BARTENDER: Mm-hm.
NATHANIEL: Stick out your hip and squeeze me a while Curl your back, start to swing now And let me think it's what you mean Shake, baby I feel it when you Shake, baby [sighs.]
JIMMY HUGHES: Why not Tonight Oh, why not Tonight Don't push me away When you know I'm right You know you want me So why not tonight Your soft lips reveal All your feelings Yeah I feel them tremble When they're Crushed under mine Why try to deny Your feelings, yeah When you know It's just a matter Of time Oh, why not CY: Oh, and I know what you're thinking.
"A one-eyed mechanic? "That guy can probably hardly drive a car, - let alone fix them.
" - Mm-hm.
But no, it's, uh ever since I lost my eye, all my senses are heightened.
Oh, so that's how you smelled the gasoline.
CY: Exactly, yeah.
I don't really have the best, uh, what do you call it, depth perception, but I don't need it.
You know? Yeah, no, I'm just in tune with the world, man.
Can you excuse me? I'm just gonna - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Go to the ladies'.
- Go do your lady business.
- Gotta do my business.
Powder your nose.
Gotta do it.
CY: [laughs.]
["Juvenile Thrills" by The Launderettes playing.]
WOMAN: What's that book you're reading Upstairs in your room Been out here for hours Wanna have a look at you Hiding behind the trees Hoping that my wish comes true I'm on the outside, looking WOMAN: Staring at you WOMAN: I'm on the outside And I'm not [gravel crunches.]
You know I'm waiting For nothing to happen Hey, can I get a vodka soda, please? BARTENDER: Yeah, sure.
[country rock music over speakers.]
Okay.
Enough.
What are you, huh? Some kind of siren? Is that what this is? Y-you're tempting and you're testing me? W-well, I'm not gonna do it.
Okay, no, no, no.
Don't go anywhere.
We're gonna talk.
Ever since we got to this stupid fucking town, you have been everywhere, w-with your face and your body and y-your hot tubbing.
W-what's going on? I have someone waiting for me at home, someone I love very much, and nothing you can do will make me want to have sex with you [sputters.]
Fuck! [coughing.]
- Alex? - Is that Laura? Laura, help! Laura, I'm down.
What the fuck is wrong with you? You know, he's been following me all day, staring at me while he pumps his gas, spying on me in the pool.
He's fucking everywhere.
- ALEX: You were beckoning.
- Oh, my God.
I was being polite.
ALEX: My whole skull is on fire.
LAURA: Okay, I'm sure she'll be - Is that her? - LAURA: Yeah, that's her.
VALERIE: Guys, we gotta get the fuck out of here.
Come on.
Come on, come on, come on.
[dramatic music.]
- Do I even want to know? - Just drive.
- VALERIE: Okay.
- ALEX: Ah, God - VALERIE: Are you okay? - ALEX: No.
VALERIE: Ah, God, Alex, what did you do? ALEX: I was assaulted.
LAURA: This chick nailed him with pepper spray.
- VALERIE: No! - LAURA: It was fucking cool! So then I swiped the keys, and I broke into the place like a real fucking outlaw, and I used the car lift and everything.
I can't see you right now, but I'm assuming you're smiling? I am, triumphantly.
[clears throat.]
We're not going to Mom's, are we? Oh, God, no, not tonight.
We're going home.
Maybe we'll go next year, or the year after.
Oh, man.
Sorry for being shitty about John earlier.
He obviously makes you happy, and a relationship's about two people, right? Collaboration and compromise and all that good stuff? Okay, you're clearly delirious and in need of medical attention.
No, seriously.
I felt bad at the diner as soon as I said it.
Well, okay.
And as long as we're being sentimental I'm sorry I doubted your feelings about Rae.
Only you know how you feel about her, and it's not on me to tell you what to do.
I mean, you're a grown-up.
Sort of a grown-up.
Thank you, I think.
Yeah, and I think she's really gonna like the pepper spray story as much as I did.
It really fucking hurts.
Oh, thank you.
- You ready? - Uh-huh, and I'm driving.
Thank you.
So I just dump it in my eyes? All right, put some music on and get us out of this godforsaken place.
["In a Big Country" by Big Country playing.]
Oh, no! [radio beeping.]
["In a Big Country" continues.]
So it's gonna take what, like three hours to get home? Yep.
Good.
'Cause I'd like to talk about some stuff.
What kind of stuff? Life stuff.
Tathiana stuff.
["Going Back to My Roots" by Odyssey playing.]
Okay.
All right, well, lay it on me, sister.
ODYSSEY: Zipping up my boots Going back to my roots Yeah To the place of my birth Back down to earth I've been standing in the rain Drenched and soaked with pain Tired of short-term benefits And being exposed to the elements I'm homeward bound got my head turned around