Comic Book Men s04e06 Episode Script
Bat Prints
You know what I got to get in here? - What's that? - A gong.
- A gong for what? - Remember that TV show, the gong show? Yeah, I remember that.
When I hear a bad idea or a stupid topic Gong.
Within a week Mike's at the ear doctor.
[All laughing.]
Let's say it's not just at work.
Let's say it's at home, too.
Are you telling me you don't think you would ever get gonged at home? Some of the ideas you proud that you talk about here? Oh, I thought you meant certain performances.
- And performances.
- [All laughing.]
Well, I mean, yeah.
I'm pretty good but I can't be 100% all the time.
[All laughing.]
[Heroic music.]
Hello, and welcome to another episode of Comic Book Men, the only show that finds a clown way scarier than a bat.
I'm your host, Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Now you know I don't care if you ever make money in this store, but I do care that you have stories to tell.
So what happened this week? Something pretty cool came into the stash.
- Guys.
- Hey, how you doing? - Good.
How are you? - Ooh, what is that? I have a set of Star Wars newspaper comic reprints drawn by Al Williamson.
They're autographed.
They are limited edition.
There was, like, 25,000 printed.
This is number 1,735.
Ooh, this is rare, man.
I've heard of these.
I've actually never seen this, though.
Do you mind if I pop it open, take a look and see at one of the volumes? - Oh, by all means.
Go right ahead.
Mm - Hmm.
These are from the actual '70s, right? - Right.
- These strips? Like, at the height of Star Wars mania? Oh, yeah, '70s, '80s.
To just take you right back to you're 12 years old.
You got the newspaper out.
Look, I mean, some days it was just two panels.
That's where our generation learned the virtues of waiting.
Now it's all, like, instant gratification, man.
We're better than everybody.
We really are.
Oh, I loved these Star Wars comic strips.
It was a destination in childhood.
Like, in the boring ass newspaper, full of words that had no meaning to a kid.
Suddenly you would turn this magical page and suddenly it was like, "that's that's for me! That's for me! There are drawings!" And when I was a kid, I was such a Star Wars fan.
I'd cut 'em out and put 'em in a photo album one under the other so you could sit there and read the story.
Oh, that's sweet.
I used to cut out the family circus.
- And then I'd burn it.
- [All laughing.]
I know today's youth can't understand how important buying the daily newspaper was, just to read those funnies.
I lived and died for the Sunday paper.
So did I.
Did you read the Sundays as a young girl? I still read the newspaper comics on Sundays.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
Favorite strip? As a child, snoopy.
And I liked Heathcliff too.
- Heathcliff? - Mm-hmm.
Both: The poor man's garfield.
Heathcliff? He was cute and he was I love cats, so So why are you looking to sell it? Well, I'm going to be moving in with my boyfriend soon, me and my daughter, and I could really use the money to help fix up her room.
I'll miss it, but my girl's more important.
All right.
What are you looking to get for it? I was hoping around $500.
Hmm.
The slipcase does show some signs of its age.
I mean, it is over 20 years old, so got to take that into consideration.
I don't think I could do $500.
Okay.
How 'bout $225? I was really hoping for more.
Could you maybe stretch it up to $250? All right.
- I'll do $250.
- Okay.
Okay.
$250 it is.
All right, thank you so much.
Thank you! Have a great day, gentlemen.
- All right.
Good luck.
- Bye.
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
- How you doing? - Hey guys, how you doing? Obviously you're Batman fans, right? - Yeah.
- A little bit.
I got a piece of '66 Batman history you guys might be interested in.
Yeah, sure.
What is it? Actually kind of heavy for me to bring in, guys.
- Can you step outside? - It's too heavy to bring in? - Yeah.
- All right.
- All right.
- I'm intrigued.
- Yeah, let's check it out.
- All right, let's go.
Lead the way.
All right, so let's see this piece of history.
All right, come on over.
This is it? - You guys ready for this? - Yeah.
It's a one of a kind item.
- Oh, no way! - Place went out of business, and I guess somehow this one survived.
This is probably the only time you're gonna get a chance to get something like this.
What the Heck is this? This is a Ming puppet, man.
Just like Ming, it just wants to be a real boy.
So let's see this piece of history.
- All right.
Come on over.
- This is it? You guys ready for this? - Yeah.
- It's a one of a kind item.
- Oh! - Oh, no way! A piece of sidewalk! This is one of those plaster casters from those Chinese theaters, right? Yeah.
Something like that, yeah.
This is the original Adam west/burt ward handprint, footprint, and autograph.
Here's actually a photo of it taken to prove it back from 1981.
You lifted this from Mano's theater in Hollywood? No, actually.
It came from Orlando, Florida.
Stars hall of fame.
It was a wax museum, and their handprints and footprints lined the sidewalk.
The place went out of business and I guess they junked everything.
And somehow this one survived.
And I picked it up from a buddy of mine that's a memorabilia dealer.
How'd they go out of business, slip and fall? I mean, jeez I envisioned maybe we'd chisel out the front of the store, and we'd lay this block in there.
Maybe we start a little theme down broad street, you know? All the way down broad street we'll have celebrities.
And one day a child will be like, "when did this start?" And that child will be told, "when somebody threw this out and then it was bought by the secret stash.
" Didn't seem to work for stars hall of fame what chance do you have? Might be weird for some people.
Like, "were they ever here?" We're like, "no, - but they were in Orlando!" - [All laughing.]
"Three decades ago.
" Wow.
That's absolutely insane, man.
I mean, this has got to be, without a doubt, the most unique piece that's ever been brought down to the stash.
Oh, easily.
Do you mind we, uh, size our hands up? Go 'head.
Help yourself.
- It's like, go on.
- [Laughter.]
It's like pulling Excalibur - out of the stone.
- Not quite.
Do you know how many birds have crapped on that since he did that, and you're acting like it's an honor? I mean, I have to.
[Mutters.]
[Laughter.]
- That's pretty close.
- It's close, but no cigar.
- I think I might be more Robin.
- Come on, old chum! I can't imagine you're selling this.
- Yeah.
- Really? Yeah, I'm gonna part with it.
I got a whole room dedicated in the house to Batman.
Costumes, autographs, comic books everything.
- I have a '66 Batmobile I built.
- Really? Yeah.
And I'm in the middle of making a '66 Batboat now, so I was gonna pick up a little extra cash.
Wow.
So what, do you have a Batcave too? Yeah, I got a problem.
- I do have a Batman problem.
- Oh, all right.
Bats in the belfry, as they say.
I mean, I want it, man.
I definitely want it.
I think it would look awesome right there.
- People walk in, you know.
- Fall.
Sue you.
[All laughing.]
So what are you looking to get for it? I'm looking to get $1,500.
$1,500.
Wow.
One of a kind, though.
There's not another one and you couldn't get these guys to do this now for under $1,000.
Yeah, you're probably right.
I mean, this is probably the only time you're gonna get a chance to ever - get something like this.
- Yeah.
The next time they're stepping into concrete, - it's for good.
- [All laughing.]
Would you take $700 for it? Um I almost paid that much for it.
All right, well, how about $800 then? Can you do $1,200? Uh I think $800 is as high as I can go, I mean - that's the best you can do? - $800.
The best I could do is definitely $800, but no higher than that.
Tempting, but Nah.
All right.
I understand.
I mean, it's a sweet piece, man.
It's awesome.
Thanks for bringing it in, though.
I appreciate it.
Thanks for your time.
- All right.
- Thanks, guys.
- Yep, take it easy.
- Have a good one.
All right.
Let's say doctor doom, he chooses red bank as his next destination to conquer and rule.
What do you do you stay and fight Or you run away? Well, what does he do? Does he have powers? Well, he's kind of a tyrant.
He rules his land with an iron fist, but he assumes that all his subjects are happy, so He doesn't just assume.
It's a law that they have to be happy.
Okay.
Well, I'm not gonna move there.
I want to say I want to fight, but, like, what can I do against doctor doom? Everybody's counting on you, Ming.
- Yeah.
- It's you versus him.
You guys are counting on me for the store to survive, for our way of life? - Red bank.
- I'm not counting on you.
- I'm like, "heil, doom.
" - [All laughing.]
I'm like, - "whatever you say, doom.
" - See this smile? [All laughing.]
What the Heck is this? This is a Ming puppet, man.
- Built to scale, too! - In every way.
I have a big toy that I'm interested in selling.
It's about this big and this high.
- Think you can handle it? - This is the secret stash, son.
We can handle any size toy.
Any time you go to a movie theater now, there's a comic book adaptation on the big screen, so eventually it's gonna come down to Comic Book Men: The movie.
Who plays who? I'm gonna be played by John Hamm.
That's what I'm voting for.
If they're gonna make a movie of this, I want to see a fictionalized version of Kevin Smith in the right physique.
What about you, Ming? Who would play you in the Comic Book Men: The movie? Oh, man.
I mean, the arrogant me says Bruce Lee.
The less arrogant me says jet li.
- What? - They're both arrogant! - Zap, what you got? - Robert Downey Jr.
Oh, excellent choice, man! You're already there.
You definitely evoke Robert Downey Jr.
- I'm hoping.
- What about you, big? - Phillip Mckeon.
- That kid on the show who played Tommy on Alice? The teenage version of Tommy did look like you in high school.
When I was in high school, three times somebody came up to me in the mall and were like, "are are you are you on TV?" And I said, "no.
" - Years later - Yeah, I'm like, "hey, guys! I'm on TV!" They're like, "get away from that man!" [All laughing.]
Hey.
Would one of you guys be willing to write my eulogy? Why on earth would that come up? - I want it to be funny.
- I want it to be uplifting.
Who better to do it than you? Or you, or you? I feel bad that, like, after, like, I deliver the eulogy, a day or two later your family comes and asks me, like, "hey, how'd it go, anyway?" [All laughing.]
I know it'd probably make you really uncomfortable being in front of that many people delivering my eulogy, but, I mean, at least you'd give it a shot.
I'd definitely give it a shot but, man Talk about a challenge.
Talk about mission: Impossible, you know? Talk about the assumption he'd be doing it in front of a lot of people.
[All laughing.]
Not funny.
- That's really not funny.
- Ming! What the Heck is this? Is that supposed to be me? It's supposed to be you.
It literally has your face on it, Ming.
I mean Yeah.
Oh, it is your face.
This is a Ming puppet, man.
- Yeah, I see that.
- Oh, and built to scale, too! - You got it.
- In every way.
- What? Really? - It was a Ming puppet.
Or more accurately, I guess it was a marionette.
It was, you know, like, the strings and Or even more accurately, a sex doll.
[All laughing.]
Oh, boy.
I'm telling you right now.
I would love to have real strings attached - to your real limbs, man.
- You pretty much do! You tell me what to do in the store! What are we talking about? Look at the face, man! It's so perfect.
- Look at those dead eyes.
- Dead eyes.
Look at that vacant stare.
Holy Christ! You're right.
It's like Pinocchio.
It's just like Ming, it just wants to be - a real boy.
- [All laughing.]
- All right, well done.
- Thanks so much.
Yeah.
I'm impressed.
I'm so glad you brought this down.
Yeah, where'd you come from? - Dallas Yes.
- Texas? So that's why you're here today? You're just here to deliver the puppet? Actually, I'm looking for the tick.
The comic book character the tick? The action figures.
From the 1995 line.
We actually do have some '90s tick toys.
- You want to go grab 'em? - Yeah.
- Where are they, the basement? - Yep.
Here you go.
- Oh, dude! - All right, huh? We got the original tick.
We got a very hard to find die - Fledermaus.
- And we got a man-eating cow.
Now, this figure at one point was fetching triple figures.
Are they figures you need for your collection? Yes, they are.
The tick comics really, like what they did is they sent up comic book characters and superheroes in a particularly funny way biting sense of humor.
But it was kind of a mock of comic books to a large degree.
- A spoof.
- Spoof, if you will.
Loving spoof.
They had characters like Die Fledermaus but didn't they change his name 'cause it was too close to Batman? It's the German translation of "the bat.
" Die Fledermaus.
He was an interesting character because when they translated him to the live-action TV show, they had to change his name because of copyright issues.
Which is kind of funny, 'cause Die Fledermaus, DC Comics actually sued new England comics because he was too much like Batman, but they changed the name to Batmanuel.
- Which is more like Batman.
- Exactly.
All right, now let's talk about some serious brass tacks.
- Brass tacks? - Moola.
Oh, I thought you were gonna talk about the fedora.
[Laughter.]
I was wrong.
We're looking to get $20 for the tick.
Now, this figure at one point was fetching triple figures.
You know, it's kind of gotta soft, the market, a little bit now.
We're trying to get $35 for it.
And Die Fledermaus, - trying to get $35.
- Yeah.
But I would take the puppet for the three figures.
Get out of town.
- What do you say? - Sure.
Awesome.
You just got yourself three tick figures.
- Why, thank you, kind sir.
- And the stash just acquired Something almost as useless.
[Laughing.]
All right, thanks, brother! - Thank you.
- All right.
We will give it a good home.
I promise you.
- Thanks.
- Take care.
That's what they said to my parents when I was adopted.
[Laughing.]
- What is that? - It's the G.
I.
Joe defiant.
You're not seeing it in its full glory.
- Look at it! - Toys today do not match this level of detail.
- You know who I feel bad for? - Who? - Invisible superheroes.
- Why? I mean, I know that, like, a superhero's supposed to be all about selfless acts, but we all know deep down inside no one wants to be the invisible superhero.
Oh, so you're saying they want recognition? They want, you know, the picture in the paper? No video, didn't happen? Yeah, yeah.
No news footage? Yeah.
You might have a point.
Think about all you could do if you were invisible, though.
Oh, he's already been thinking about it.
And just 'cause you're invisible doesn't mean - they can't hear you panting.
- [All laughing.]
Well, hold on.
If I'm invisible, do, like, the clothes I wear, are they also invisible? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
If you're invisible, you got to go au naturel or else they'll just see no head, no arms.
You'd just be the staff shirt walking around.
Staff shirt and a thimble.
Just in case he suddenly becomes visible.
[All laughing.]
Hey, guys.
How's it going? Hey, how you doing? I have a big toy that I'm interested in selling.
It's about this big and this high.
- Think you can handle it? - This is the secret stash, son.
- We can handle any size toy.
- Sounds good to me.
If you can give me a hand bringing it in, I'll bring it in, see what you guys think.
You need a hand bringing this toy in, huh? Yeah.
You got someone with muscles? Well, no, but he'll do.
- He's the best you can do.
- Come on.
- I'll take what I can get.
- Let's go check it out.
- Thanks, man.
- No problem.
He wasn't kidding.
- What is that? - It's the G.
I.
Joe defiant.
It looks like what I put my recyclable in every week.
You don't want to recycle this, trust me.
No, don't put it up here, man.
It's gonna get my counter all messed up.
Bring that to the back.
Poker table.
Correct me if I'm wrong and maybe I'm seeing this wrong, but it's not that big.
Hold on, you're not seeing it in its full glory.
Like, you know, can we open it up and then yep, we can definitely launch a shuttle.
Yeah.
Are you ready for a launch? I'm ready for lunch, I don't know about a launch.
- Doors open up - Space nuts joke right there.
Do I can I crank this? Yep, you can you can man the crank.
Okay, right now? Ready? - Yeah, nice and slow.
- Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Crank it.
- Yeah, all right.
- Right, man.
Did you need three kids to play with it every time - you wanted to, uh - Did you have three friends? He still doesn't have three friends in here! They don't make toys like this anymore.
They don't make toys that you need a small walk-in closet to play with.
We're Americans.
From birth we're told, "bigger is better!" And that's what we always pursue.
I don't know about you guys, but the older I get, the less I'm like, "I got to have it!" Like, I start looking around now, I'm like, "who's gonna deal with all this crap when I'm gone?" You know, like, "this is gonna be someone's garbage one day.
" [All laughing.]
- And then you - Can I open it up? - Yeah.
- Grab one door Oh, you still got the figures here, too.
It's the figures.
So when you bought the defiant, you got two exclusive figures, right? So these figures were never available carded? Only with the purchase of this? You got payload here, all right? And payload's a trip.
So here's the astronaut.
Careful with the handles.
And you're gonna lose the best part.
Hardtop's microphone, right? So he could talk.
So it's the '80s, right? So you didn't have cell phones or anything.
- Right.
- So this plugs in And there it is.
G.
I.
Joe for me was always about the figures, not so much the vehicles, so the only way to get hardtop and payload was to buy the defiant.
This is why I love this stuff, though, like, even the toys today do not match this level of detail.
Yeah, somebody spent a lot of time and energy to make this, you know, have all the extra little features.
So why are you bringing it in today, though? So honestly, it takes up too much space in my apartment, and I'm still in school and I've got a couple of moves ahead of me and I don't know if it's gonna survive.
You're looking to sell it, basically? - Yes.
- All right, that's all right.
- To a good home.
- To a good home.
All right, so what are you looking to get for it? I was thinking, like, 600 bucks.
I mean, that'd probably be out of running for the store.
I was out of the running as soon as he walked in with this.
All right, so it comes down to me.
Most likely, I would think you're the only one who can appreciate this.
I mean, I want it, but I don't because it's so big.
Throw out a number.
Let's see if you guys are in the same universe.
Would you take 100 bucks for it? Nah.
I couldn't let it go for that.
For that offer, you can have this.
Yeah, if you're looking for a hardtop microphone.
All right, there you go.
I probably couldn't go much higher for for this.
You're not gonna go much higher? - No.
- I don't think we're gonna - be able to close this deal, huh? - Aw, no.
- I'm sorry, brother.
- All right, man, thank you.
- Thanks.
- All right.
Sorry we couldn't work anything out.
- It is - Glad I got to see it though.
Yep.
- But you got to see it.
- I did get to see it.
Half the fun is, like, you know, sometimes you get to see your childhood again and you're like, "this is amazing!" And when they tell you the price you're like, "seeing is enough.
" [All laughing.]
Well, you won't need to see that toy or touch it for another ten years, at least.
Yeah, that's true.
And that's all we got for ya this week, man! Commissioner Gordon turned off the bat signal.
We're not needed in Gotham anymore.
For Comic Book Men, I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
In this space, no one can hear your scream.
Good night.
- A gong for what? - Remember that TV show, the gong show? Yeah, I remember that.
When I hear a bad idea or a stupid topic Gong.
Within a week Mike's at the ear doctor.
[All laughing.]
Let's say it's not just at work.
Let's say it's at home, too.
Are you telling me you don't think you would ever get gonged at home? Some of the ideas you proud that you talk about here? Oh, I thought you meant certain performances.
- And performances.
- [All laughing.]
Well, I mean, yeah.
I'm pretty good but I can't be 100% all the time.
[All laughing.]
[Heroic music.]
Hello, and welcome to another episode of Comic Book Men, the only show that finds a clown way scarier than a bat.
I'm your host, Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Now you know I don't care if you ever make money in this store, but I do care that you have stories to tell.
So what happened this week? Something pretty cool came into the stash.
- Guys.
- Hey, how you doing? - Good.
How are you? - Ooh, what is that? I have a set of Star Wars newspaper comic reprints drawn by Al Williamson.
They're autographed.
They are limited edition.
There was, like, 25,000 printed.
This is number 1,735.
Ooh, this is rare, man.
I've heard of these.
I've actually never seen this, though.
Do you mind if I pop it open, take a look and see at one of the volumes? - Oh, by all means.
Go right ahead.
Mm - Hmm.
These are from the actual '70s, right? - Right.
- These strips? Like, at the height of Star Wars mania? Oh, yeah, '70s, '80s.
To just take you right back to you're 12 years old.
You got the newspaper out.
Look, I mean, some days it was just two panels.
That's where our generation learned the virtues of waiting.
Now it's all, like, instant gratification, man.
We're better than everybody.
We really are.
Oh, I loved these Star Wars comic strips.
It was a destination in childhood.
Like, in the boring ass newspaper, full of words that had no meaning to a kid.
Suddenly you would turn this magical page and suddenly it was like, "that's that's for me! That's for me! There are drawings!" And when I was a kid, I was such a Star Wars fan.
I'd cut 'em out and put 'em in a photo album one under the other so you could sit there and read the story.
Oh, that's sweet.
I used to cut out the family circus.
- And then I'd burn it.
- [All laughing.]
I know today's youth can't understand how important buying the daily newspaper was, just to read those funnies.
I lived and died for the Sunday paper.
So did I.
Did you read the Sundays as a young girl? I still read the newspaper comics on Sundays.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
Favorite strip? As a child, snoopy.
And I liked Heathcliff too.
- Heathcliff? - Mm-hmm.
Both: The poor man's garfield.
Heathcliff? He was cute and he was I love cats, so So why are you looking to sell it? Well, I'm going to be moving in with my boyfriend soon, me and my daughter, and I could really use the money to help fix up her room.
I'll miss it, but my girl's more important.
All right.
What are you looking to get for it? I was hoping around $500.
Hmm.
The slipcase does show some signs of its age.
I mean, it is over 20 years old, so got to take that into consideration.
I don't think I could do $500.
Okay.
How 'bout $225? I was really hoping for more.
Could you maybe stretch it up to $250? All right.
- I'll do $250.
- Okay.
Okay.
$250 it is.
All right, thank you so much.
Thank you! Have a great day, gentlemen.
- All right.
Good luck.
- Bye.
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
- How you doing? - Hey guys, how you doing? Obviously you're Batman fans, right? - Yeah.
- A little bit.
I got a piece of '66 Batman history you guys might be interested in.
Yeah, sure.
What is it? Actually kind of heavy for me to bring in, guys.
- Can you step outside? - It's too heavy to bring in? - Yeah.
- All right.
- All right.
- I'm intrigued.
- Yeah, let's check it out.
- All right, let's go.
Lead the way.
All right, so let's see this piece of history.
All right, come on over.
This is it? - You guys ready for this? - Yeah.
It's a one of a kind item.
- Oh, no way! - Place went out of business, and I guess somehow this one survived.
This is probably the only time you're gonna get a chance to get something like this.
What the Heck is this? This is a Ming puppet, man.
Just like Ming, it just wants to be a real boy.
So let's see this piece of history.
- All right.
Come on over.
- This is it? You guys ready for this? - Yeah.
- It's a one of a kind item.
- Oh! - Oh, no way! A piece of sidewalk! This is one of those plaster casters from those Chinese theaters, right? Yeah.
Something like that, yeah.
This is the original Adam west/burt ward handprint, footprint, and autograph.
Here's actually a photo of it taken to prove it back from 1981.
You lifted this from Mano's theater in Hollywood? No, actually.
It came from Orlando, Florida.
Stars hall of fame.
It was a wax museum, and their handprints and footprints lined the sidewalk.
The place went out of business and I guess they junked everything.
And somehow this one survived.
And I picked it up from a buddy of mine that's a memorabilia dealer.
How'd they go out of business, slip and fall? I mean, jeez I envisioned maybe we'd chisel out the front of the store, and we'd lay this block in there.
Maybe we start a little theme down broad street, you know? All the way down broad street we'll have celebrities.
And one day a child will be like, "when did this start?" And that child will be told, "when somebody threw this out and then it was bought by the secret stash.
" Didn't seem to work for stars hall of fame what chance do you have? Might be weird for some people.
Like, "were they ever here?" We're like, "no, - but they were in Orlando!" - [All laughing.]
"Three decades ago.
" Wow.
That's absolutely insane, man.
I mean, this has got to be, without a doubt, the most unique piece that's ever been brought down to the stash.
Oh, easily.
Do you mind we, uh, size our hands up? Go 'head.
Help yourself.
- It's like, go on.
- [Laughter.]
It's like pulling Excalibur - out of the stone.
- Not quite.
Do you know how many birds have crapped on that since he did that, and you're acting like it's an honor? I mean, I have to.
[Mutters.]
[Laughter.]
- That's pretty close.
- It's close, but no cigar.
- I think I might be more Robin.
- Come on, old chum! I can't imagine you're selling this.
- Yeah.
- Really? Yeah, I'm gonna part with it.
I got a whole room dedicated in the house to Batman.
Costumes, autographs, comic books everything.
- I have a '66 Batmobile I built.
- Really? Yeah.
And I'm in the middle of making a '66 Batboat now, so I was gonna pick up a little extra cash.
Wow.
So what, do you have a Batcave too? Yeah, I got a problem.
- I do have a Batman problem.
- Oh, all right.
Bats in the belfry, as they say.
I mean, I want it, man.
I definitely want it.
I think it would look awesome right there.
- People walk in, you know.
- Fall.
Sue you.
[All laughing.]
So what are you looking to get for it? I'm looking to get $1,500.
$1,500.
Wow.
One of a kind, though.
There's not another one and you couldn't get these guys to do this now for under $1,000.
Yeah, you're probably right.
I mean, this is probably the only time you're gonna get a chance to ever - get something like this.
- Yeah.
The next time they're stepping into concrete, - it's for good.
- [All laughing.]
Would you take $700 for it? Um I almost paid that much for it.
All right, well, how about $800 then? Can you do $1,200? Uh I think $800 is as high as I can go, I mean - that's the best you can do? - $800.
The best I could do is definitely $800, but no higher than that.
Tempting, but Nah.
All right.
I understand.
I mean, it's a sweet piece, man.
It's awesome.
Thanks for bringing it in, though.
I appreciate it.
Thanks for your time.
- All right.
- Thanks, guys.
- Yep, take it easy.
- Have a good one.
All right.
Let's say doctor doom, he chooses red bank as his next destination to conquer and rule.
What do you do you stay and fight Or you run away? Well, what does he do? Does he have powers? Well, he's kind of a tyrant.
He rules his land with an iron fist, but he assumes that all his subjects are happy, so He doesn't just assume.
It's a law that they have to be happy.
Okay.
Well, I'm not gonna move there.
I want to say I want to fight, but, like, what can I do against doctor doom? Everybody's counting on you, Ming.
- Yeah.
- It's you versus him.
You guys are counting on me for the store to survive, for our way of life? - Red bank.
- I'm not counting on you.
- I'm like, "heil, doom.
" - [All laughing.]
I'm like, - "whatever you say, doom.
" - See this smile? [All laughing.]
What the Heck is this? This is a Ming puppet, man.
- Built to scale, too! - In every way.
I have a big toy that I'm interested in selling.
It's about this big and this high.
- Think you can handle it? - This is the secret stash, son.
We can handle any size toy.
Any time you go to a movie theater now, there's a comic book adaptation on the big screen, so eventually it's gonna come down to Comic Book Men: The movie.
Who plays who? I'm gonna be played by John Hamm.
That's what I'm voting for.
If they're gonna make a movie of this, I want to see a fictionalized version of Kevin Smith in the right physique.
What about you, Ming? Who would play you in the Comic Book Men: The movie? Oh, man.
I mean, the arrogant me says Bruce Lee.
The less arrogant me says jet li.
- What? - They're both arrogant! - Zap, what you got? - Robert Downey Jr.
Oh, excellent choice, man! You're already there.
You definitely evoke Robert Downey Jr.
- I'm hoping.
- What about you, big? - Phillip Mckeon.
- That kid on the show who played Tommy on Alice? The teenage version of Tommy did look like you in high school.
When I was in high school, three times somebody came up to me in the mall and were like, "are are you are you on TV?" And I said, "no.
" - Years later - Yeah, I'm like, "hey, guys! I'm on TV!" They're like, "get away from that man!" [All laughing.]
Hey.
Would one of you guys be willing to write my eulogy? Why on earth would that come up? - I want it to be funny.
- I want it to be uplifting.
Who better to do it than you? Or you, or you? I feel bad that, like, after, like, I deliver the eulogy, a day or two later your family comes and asks me, like, "hey, how'd it go, anyway?" [All laughing.]
I know it'd probably make you really uncomfortable being in front of that many people delivering my eulogy, but, I mean, at least you'd give it a shot.
I'd definitely give it a shot but, man Talk about a challenge.
Talk about mission: Impossible, you know? Talk about the assumption he'd be doing it in front of a lot of people.
[All laughing.]
Not funny.
- That's really not funny.
- Ming! What the Heck is this? Is that supposed to be me? It's supposed to be you.
It literally has your face on it, Ming.
I mean Yeah.
Oh, it is your face.
This is a Ming puppet, man.
- Yeah, I see that.
- Oh, and built to scale, too! - You got it.
- In every way.
- What? Really? - It was a Ming puppet.
Or more accurately, I guess it was a marionette.
It was, you know, like, the strings and Or even more accurately, a sex doll.
[All laughing.]
Oh, boy.
I'm telling you right now.
I would love to have real strings attached - to your real limbs, man.
- You pretty much do! You tell me what to do in the store! What are we talking about? Look at the face, man! It's so perfect.
- Look at those dead eyes.
- Dead eyes.
Look at that vacant stare.
Holy Christ! You're right.
It's like Pinocchio.
It's just like Ming, it just wants to be - a real boy.
- [All laughing.]
- All right, well done.
- Thanks so much.
Yeah.
I'm impressed.
I'm so glad you brought this down.
Yeah, where'd you come from? - Dallas Yes.
- Texas? So that's why you're here today? You're just here to deliver the puppet? Actually, I'm looking for the tick.
The comic book character the tick? The action figures.
From the 1995 line.
We actually do have some '90s tick toys.
- You want to go grab 'em? - Yeah.
- Where are they, the basement? - Yep.
Here you go.
- Oh, dude! - All right, huh? We got the original tick.
We got a very hard to find die - Fledermaus.
- And we got a man-eating cow.
Now, this figure at one point was fetching triple figures.
Are they figures you need for your collection? Yes, they are.
The tick comics really, like what they did is they sent up comic book characters and superheroes in a particularly funny way biting sense of humor.
But it was kind of a mock of comic books to a large degree.
- A spoof.
- Spoof, if you will.
Loving spoof.
They had characters like Die Fledermaus but didn't they change his name 'cause it was too close to Batman? It's the German translation of "the bat.
" Die Fledermaus.
He was an interesting character because when they translated him to the live-action TV show, they had to change his name because of copyright issues.
Which is kind of funny, 'cause Die Fledermaus, DC Comics actually sued new England comics because he was too much like Batman, but they changed the name to Batmanuel.
- Which is more like Batman.
- Exactly.
All right, now let's talk about some serious brass tacks.
- Brass tacks? - Moola.
Oh, I thought you were gonna talk about the fedora.
[Laughter.]
I was wrong.
We're looking to get $20 for the tick.
Now, this figure at one point was fetching triple figures.
You know, it's kind of gotta soft, the market, a little bit now.
We're trying to get $35 for it.
And Die Fledermaus, - trying to get $35.
- Yeah.
But I would take the puppet for the three figures.
Get out of town.
- What do you say? - Sure.
Awesome.
You just got yourself three tick figures.
- Why, thank you, kind sir.
- And the stash just acquired Something almost as useless.
[Laughing.]
All right, thanks, brother! - Thank you.
- All right.
We will give it a good home.
I promise you.
- Thanks.
- Take care.
That's what they said to my parents when I was adopted.
[Laughing.]
- What is that? - It's the G.
I.
Joe defiant.
You're not seeing it in its full glory.
- Look at it! - Toys today do not match this level of detail.
- You know who I feel bad for? - Who? - Invisible superheroes.
- Why? I mean, I know that, like, a superhero's supposed to be all about selfless acts, but we all know deep down inside no one wants to be the invisible superhero.
Oh, so you're saying they want recognition? They want, you know, the picture in the paper? No video, didn't happen? Yeah, yeah.
No news footage? Yeah.
You might have a point.
Think about all you could do if you were invisible, though.
Oh, he's already been thinking about it.
And just 'cause you're invisible doesn't mean - they can't hear you panting.
- [All laughing.]
Well, hold on.
If I'm invisible, do, like, the clothes I wear, are they also invisible? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
If you're invisible, you got to go au naturel or else they'll just see no head, no arms.
You'd just be the staff shirt walking around.
Staff shirt and a thimble.
Just in case he suddenly becomes visible.
[All laughing.]
Hey, guys.
How's it going? Hey, how you doing? I have a big toy that I'm interested in selling.
It's about this big and this high.
- Think you can handle it? - This is the secret stash, son.
- We can handle any size toy.
- Sounds good to me.
If you can give me a hand bringing it in, I'll bring it in, see what you guys think.
You need a hand bringing this toy in, huh? Yeah.
You got someone with muscles? Well, no, but he'll do.
- He's the best you can do.
- Come on.
- I'll take what I can get.
- Let's go check it out.
- Thanks, man.
- No problem.
He wasn't kidding.
- What is that? - It's the G.
I.
Joe defiant.
It looks like what I put my recyclable in every week.
You don't want to recycle this, trust me.
No, don't put it up here, man.
It's gonna get my counter all messed up.
Bring that to the back.
Poker table.
Correct me if I'm wrong and maybe I'm seeing this wrong, but it's not that big.
Hold on, you're not seeing it in its full glory.
Like, you know, can we open it up and then yep, we can definitely launch a shuttle.
Yeah.
Are you ready for a launch? I'm ready for lunch, I don't know about a launch.
- Doors open up - Space nuts joke right there.
Do I can I crank this? Yep, you can you can man the crank.
Okay, right now? Ready? - Yeah, nice and slow.
- Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Crank it.
- Yeah, all right.
- Right, man.
Did you need three kids to play with it every time - you wanted to, uh - Did you have three friends? He still doesn't have three friends in here! They don't make toys like this anymore.
They don't make toys that you need a small walk-in closet to play with.
We're Americans.
From birth we're told, "bigger is better!" And that's what we always pursue.
I don't know about you guys, but the older I get, the less I'm like, "I got to have it!" Like, I start looking around now, I'm like, "who's gonna deal with all this crap when I'm gone?" You know, like, "this is gonna be someone's garbage one day.
" [All laughing.]
- And then you - Can I open it up? - Yeah.
- Grab one door Oh, you still got the figures here, too.
It's the figures.
So when you bought the defiant, you got two exclusive figures, right? So these figures were never available carded? Only with the purchase of this? You got payload here, all right? And payload's a trip.
So here's the astronaut.
Careful with the handles.
And you're gonna lose the best part.
Hardtop's microphone, right? So he could talk.
So it's the '80s, right? So you didn't have cell phones or anything.
- Right.
- So this plugs in And there it is.
G.
I.
Joe for me was always about the figures, not so much the vehicles, so the only way to get hardtop and payload was to buy the defiant.
This is why I love this stuff, though, like, even the toys today do not match this level of detail.
Yeah, somebody spent a lot of time and energy to make this, you know, have all the extra little features.
So why are you bringing it in today, though? So honestly, it takes up too much space in my apartment, and I'm still in school and I've got a couple of moves ahead of me and I don't know if it's gonna survive.
You're looking to sell it, basically? - Yes.
- All right, that's all right.
- To a good home.
- To a good home.
All right, so what are you looking to get for it? I was thinking, like, 600 bucks.
I mean, that'd probably be out of running for the store.
I was out of the running as soon as he walked in with this.
All right, so it comes down to me.
Most likely, I would think you're the only one who can appreciate this.
I mean, I want it, but I don't because it's so big.
Throw out a number.
Let's see if you guys are in the same universe.
Would you take 100 bucks for it? Nah.
I couldn't let it go for that.
For that offer, you can have this.
Yeah, if you're looking for a hardtop microphone.
All right, there you go.
I probably couldn't go much higher for for this.
You're not gonna go much higher? - No.
- I don't think we're gonna - be able to close this deal, huh? - Aw, no.
- I'm sorry, brother.
- All right, man, thank you.
- Thanks.
- All right.
Sorry we couldn't work anything out.
- It is - Glad I got to see it though.
Yep.
- But you got to see it.
- I did get to see it.
Half the fun is, like, you know, sometimes you get to see your childhood again and you're like, "this is amazing!" And when they tell you the price you're like, "seeing is enough.
" [All laughing.]
Well, you won't need to see that toy or touch it for another ten years, at least.
Yeah, that's true.
And that's all we got for ya this week, man! Commissioner Gordon turned off the bat signal.
We're not needed in Gotham anymore.
For Comic Book Men, I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
In this space, no one can hear your scream.
Good night.