DC's Legends Of Tomorrow (2016) s04e06 Episode Script
Tender Is the Nate
1 Previously on "Legends of Tomorrow" That's my dad.
This must be one of his secret government projects - he could never tell me about.
- Yeah, my whole life, I always believed my power was evil.
Nora Dark, hands up! It's time for me to pay for my past.
I just believe she can be a better person.
- Amaya.
- It just looks like her.
She's a shape-shifter.
She's still adjusting to her knew home.
I'm gonna green-light additional funding to fast-track the completion of your containment facility.
Is that a Kaupe? I can't believe you guys have magical creatures here.
This is, like, the coolest place ever.
Hey, Ava, hope I'm not too early.
It's Director Sharpe.
And you're not early, Mona.
You're late.
Oh, no, are you firing me? Why does this always happen? I'm not firing you, Mona.
Awesome, because I cannot wait to decorate my cubicle.
There's Rose from "Golden Girls.
" She's, like, the OG of girl power.
- Am I right? - No.
Take that off and anything else that's metal.
Leave the toys with these guys.
You do not want to bring anything into the containment unit that can be used as a weapon against you.
But Rose couldn't hurt a fly.
Your job is to feed our various magical detainees.
Keeping these creatures secure is the Bureau's newest and highest priority.
Aloha, Kaupe.
Good to see you.
Each cell is encoded with the captive's genetic signature, allowing you to pass them provisions all while keeping you safe from the monsters.
Well, this place definitely needs decorating.
Now, for the Kaupe, we're gonna need a palm tree, - some volcanic rock - This is a prison, Mona, not a home.
Let's go.
And they are our prisoners, not our friends.
Which is especially true of our most recent acquisition.
Nora Dark.
Of all the creatures here, she's the most despicable.
Hi, I'm Mona.
I'm your magical caretaker.
So if you have any dietary restrictions or special requests, be sure to let me know.
Um you should have this.
It just came out.
It's called "Uncaged Desire.
" Actually, there is something you can get me, Mona.
Anything, just You name it.
Some peace and quiet.
Hmm? I think you just learned a very valuable lesson, Mona.
Don't fraternize with the prisoners.
I told you, no interrup Well, you're not Gary.
Perceptive.
And those are not work shoes.
What are you doing here? Don't play coy with me.
Happy birthday, Director Sharpe.
Oh, sweet God.
Um wow.
You know that I don't normally like to celebrate my birthday, but Well, I am here to fix that, so close your eyes.
What? - I said close your eyes.
- Okay.
Okay.
Are you ready for your birthday present? Yes.
Are we really doing this? Oh! Director Sharpe, we need to talk.
Of course, sir.
I-I was just, uh, meditating.
There's this great app that Meditate on this.
- Oh, my God.
- Exactly.
These are expenses generated by the crew of the Waverider, the tip of the Time Bureau spear - Mm-hmm.
- Your Legends.
You said they were worth the additional funding.
Let me refer you to some of my favorite line items.
$135 million for a new Timecore.
What was wrong with the old one? Oh, well, um, Rip blew it up when he sacrificed his life to save the world.
Sacrifice is right.
$1.
7 million for historical costumes.
Mm-hmm.
Well, admittedly, their costumes are flamboyant.
A line item for, and I quote, "assorted condiments.
" Assorted? No one ever accused the Legends of starving, sir.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were in bed with the Legends.
Either that, or this Captain Sara Lance is simply screwing you.
- What? Screwing me - Sara Lance? Sir, that is That is crazy.
Which is exactly what the Pentagon is going to call me unless we find a way to justify these numbers.
Got it, sir.
Whew! I look, I know that your team is worth the money, - but I - I will talk to the team, see if we can tighten our belts.
Thank you.
I increase their budget so they can build magical containment cells to start capturing these creatures.
Meanwhile, they're running a nine-figure deficit on a timeship.
Okay, take a deep breath, Hank.
If you knew what the Legends did, you'd realize they're they're worth every single penny.
Now, how about this? I'll set up a ride-along.
You can meet the gang and see where I used to live.
I can see where my money's going.
- Sure.
- You're right.
Why don't we go now? Now? You know, um, we should probably give 'em a chance, you know, to clean up.
We can't warn them we're coming.
That would defeat the purpose.
Okay, um I mean, I got to hail the Waverider, and that's gonna take forever.
Nathaniel, as your boss, I demand you take me to the Waverider.
Gonna play the boss card again? Okay, then, sir Captain Heywood.
Let's go see what the Legends are up to.
I can deal with Hank, and we still have plenty of time to get things on the ship back in order.
What are they - I should probably - Go! Go.
Go.
Delivery for Sara Damn it.
Sorry.
Wait, don't forget your, um Birthday cake.
Red alert, Nate is on the ship, and he brought his dad for what's got to be a surprise inspection.
We are so not ready for guests.
Nate's here? I could really use a hug and get his advice on Nora.
Did you forget who else is on the ship? Charlie.
You can't let him see her until we have time to explain why there's an Amaya look-alike on board.
- Right.
- Last time I saw her, she was in the lab.
Everyone, keep Nate away from the lab.
I'm on my way.
Any tour of the ship should start here.
This is where the Legends have team meetings and hold lively symposiums of ideas and solutions, all led by Captain Sara Lance.
And where is this Captain Lance? Um um, it is a little quiet, but I assure you Captain Lance is securing the Legends' next daring mission.
Next up, the parlour, which we spell with a U because our first captain was British.
So why does a ship formerly manned by a single person now need Need a crew of six? - I can explain.
- Hey, Ray.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Uh, he means five.
You mean five.
I mean five.
I mean five.
I must have been thinking about Gideon as a real person.
Are you trying to hurt my feelings, Dr.
Palmer? Oh, wow, Gideon.
Hubba, hubba.
Love the new look.
Ms.
Tomaz gave me, in her words, a face-lift.
This is a talking computer? Actually, I'm a quantum-enhanced A.
I.
program, capable of operating completely autonomously.
So what you're saying is, you don't need any people on the ship.
Oh, no, no, no, no, we do.
Ray, why don't you show Hank what you do in the Not the Lab.
Hello, sir.
Um, you should take him to the library.
It's very impressive, and there are books.
- And bookshelves.
- Bookshelves.
See, Hank, it takes a village.
Follow me.
- God.
- It was a good save.
Now, the library is my domain.
I've assembled quite a collection of Nate, it's good to see you, mate.
You haven't seen the laboratory yet, have you? No, why? Because you should always save the best for last.
Yeah, you should really put some clothes on when we have guests.
So this is your domain.
Why don't we move on, huh? Mr.
Heywood, welcome aboard.
I see you've already had the complete tour.
He hasn't seen the lab yet.
That's a great idea.
Wait till you see this.
Hey, so maybe your dad would like to see the galley.
Or the cargo bay with all the crates.
Or or the bathroom.
It's a marvel of efficiency.
Look, you guys need to pull it together, okay? Look, I know my dad sprung this on us, but we have dealt with crazier things Amaya? So this is the ex-girlfriend you can't shut up about? Look, I'm sorry.
I should have told you She came back.
I knew she'd come back.
No, you don't understand.
It's not You look beautiful.
Get your stinking mitts off of me, you knob.
Whoa.
We should just We're gonna Yeah, just go.
Go.
You've changed.
What the hell's going on? And what's with that accent? I mean, I dig it, but what's going on? Well, I'm not your disco-loving ex, mate.
Meet the newest member of our team, Charlie.
Charlie here is a shape-shifter.
Except she can no longer shape-shift.
It's actually a pretty crazy story.
Let me guess: she turned into Amaya and conned you into not sending her to hell and Constantine put a spell on her and now she's stuck like this? That is - weirdly accurate, yeah.
- Yeah.
I guess it's not such a crazy story.
It's insane, Ray! I told my dad you guys were good at your jobs, and now you're adopting some magical creature who's pretending to be Amaya? Hey, I'm not pretending to be anyone.
That said, Hank's already looking for ways to slash our funding, so maybe it's not the worst idea to fake it for one mission.
You want me to pretend to be this wanker's ex? What Sounds like classic Legends hijinks to me.
We can't let Hank know that we're harboring a fugitive.
We just need to show him one mission, send him on his way before anything can go wrong.
Okay, then maybe it wasn't the best idea to leave him with those three.
- We should go.
- Yeah.
All right, team, showtime.
- Drinking at work.
- Who said anything about work? Hey, Legends, you hear that? We got a hit on the magic-o-meter.
Oh, where in history are we gonna end up next? Where will it be? The Wild West, medieval China, or Paris in the Roaring Twenties? - Ooh, la, la.
- Gideon, plot a course.
Yes, Captain, right away.
So explain to me how this magic-o-meter of yours works.
Oh, well Thingy goes beep, and we kick ass.
Meaning we investigate each time period.
- We find the creature.
- We bring it to the Bureau.
And hopefully learn some life lessons along the way.
And it takes six of you to do that? - Seven if you count Amaya.
- Eight if you count me.
Sounds a little inefficient.
Which is why we separate into two very important teams.
Zee, John, Ray, and Amaya will stay on the ship to quarterback while the rest of us go in search of whatever is wreaking havoc on gay Paree.
I thought that was, uh, inpolitically correct.
Politically incorrect.
Hey, it's our first mission together.
Don't worry, if anything goes wrong in the field, I got you covered.
Yeah, but I didn't get coldcocked by a girl.
Have you ever been hit by a girl, Hank? No, ma'am.
Hmm.
We should head out.
Cafe du Dome, 1927, home to the Lost Generation.
Writers, artists, ex-pats, they all All right, so where's this monster? Yeah, who needs historical context and wonderment? I need a drink.
What he means is, we need to blend in with the locals.
This is a recon mission.
I believe Oh, my God.
It's him.
Salvador DalÃ.
What, the creep with the weird mustache? Don't point.
He's the father of surrealism.
This is your plan? To catch this creature, you ask a bunch of artsy-fartsy fools Oh, my God.
It's him.
It's Papa.
Papa? What, your grandfather's here? - No.
- Thought he blew up in space.
You are so insensitive.
Not that Papa.
Ernest Hemingway.
He's, like, my dad's spirit animal.
I say if we want to get things done, we ask the original man of action.
Your dad is totally geeking out right now.
Mm-hmm, my entire life, my father would go on and on about Hemingway and how that was his idea of a real man.
And that is when I was attacked by the monstrous man of the Catacombs.
Well, it's time to talk to some artsy-fartsy fools.
Pardon moi.
Uh, you said you saw a monstrous man.
- Can you explain? - Of course.
Um, there was a logarithmic curve to his form, the drama of his movement expressing deep personal cosmogony.
Can you draw me a picture? Okay, let's try one more time.
My name is Amaya Jiwe of the, uh The Justice Society of complete and utter bloody rubbish, wouldn't it? Yep, it sucks.
Now, just remember, the yanks, they don't say "rubbish.
" They'd say "That was absolute garbage.
I'm American, soccer, yardsticks, ranch dressing, weasel.
" You know what? I quit.
Yeah.
I'd rather get some fresh air than pretend to be this twee old nag.
You can't quit.
She can't quit.
Sara needs us to quarterback the mission.
You don't really think that's why she left us here, do you? She just doesn't want us making a scene in front of Nate's dad.
"Efficiency" is the new watchword, gents, and while Hank is around, the three of us - Four if you count Charlie.
- Five if you count me.
Are extraneous.
You know, mate, you could just walk straight off this ship and no one would even bleeding notice.
Hmph, well, maybe I'll test that theory.
Except I'm not walking.
I'm taking the jumpship.
The answer is no, Ray.
But you haven't even heard my pitch yet.
You want access to a secret containment facility for magical creatures Where, I might add, there are no conjugal visits.
Wait, what? You think that I want to visit Nora so that we can I just want to make sure that she's okay.
Oh, that is so sweet.
I almost believe that story, you big lovable teddy bear, you.
But the answer is still no.
With Nate's dad watching our each and every move, there is just no time for love at the Time Bureau.
There's always time for love.
- Were you eavesdropping? - Maybe.
Or maybe I was meant to hear your plight.
I'm sorry, who are you again? Name's Mona, and I know where they've got Nora locked up.
- You do.
- Mm-hmm.
And while I can't sneak you in, I can help you sneak in the next best thing.
A love letter.
The bull is not the enemy of the bullfighter.
He is his partner.
They are dancers locked in a dance of death.
Whichever dies, man or bull, the dance is a thing of beauty.
Hey, we got to go.
I got a lead on that, um, thing we're hunting.
- You're hunters? - Stay out of this, Hemingway.
Perhaps you'd like to settle our differences like men.
I don't have time for this macho crap, man.
Okay, you two with me.
Roy, keep him busy.
Fine specimen of male vitality.
Fellow pugilist, no doubt.
Author.
Ah! My kind of man! Join me.
Okay, Dalà saw the monster firsthand when it attacked him in the Catacombs, and he drew me this.
Um, wait.
What the hell am I looking at? No, no, no, here.
Yeah, I still don't see it.
All right, ignore the melting clocks.
We got to get this back to the ship, and I have to find a match to DalÃ's drawing somewhere in the library.
We're supposed to protect history from the library, Nathaniel? Okay, I see that you're really into drinking the Hemingway Kool-Aid, and by Kool-Aid, I mean scotch, but we are here to catch a monster.
Of course, but I know we sure as hell aren't gonna find out what it is by studying some finger paintings.
We gotta go back to the ship to figure out what we're doing.
That's the way we do things, right? Yes, when the mission isn't also showing Hank a good time.
I'm sorry.
You know, I thought this would be good for the both of us, but Hank is at his happiest when he's telling me what I'm doing wrong, so Mission accomplished.
Aw, cheer up, bud.
You are right, so Rory and I, we will keep an eye on Hank, let him have a few laughs with Hemingway while you go figure out what this thing is.
We bag the creature, we keep our jobs.
Okay.
Whoa, where are you all going? Henry here told me of a creature hiding in the Catacombs.
Oh, did you, Henry? - Therefore we hunt.
- Let's go get our monster.
Nate's right.
We have no idea what this thing is.
A man hunts not to learn about his prey but to learn about himself.
We need to regroup with the team and get some backup.
What better backup than Hemingway? I'm finally starting to understand what it is the Legends do.
Marcel, fetch me my rifles.
Right away, sir.
I need a Marcel.
Yeah, just a little drunk hunting with Hemingway.
What could go wrong? Have you ever held a gun before? Once or twice.
Your friend is much woman.
Have my own.
Signature weapon, I like it.
The drunk painter was right.
The creature is hiding in the Catacombs.
- And it's getting closer.
- We need a plan.
We have no idea what this thing is and if it can even be stopped with bullets.
I've found that in life, the shortest answer is doing the thing.
Let's do this thing.
I knew you couldn't resist.
Did you get to the end, where the correctional officer convinces the judge to send her to prison so he can go free? Well, I have now.
Sorry, didn't mean to ruin it.
But I brought you an even better one.
The hell is this? It's a letter from your crush.
Ray left it behind for you.
Don't you see? Yours is a love no bars can contain.
No, I-I don't want it.
But don't you want to at least open it? No.
What if you change your mind or your heart? Not gonna change my Take the damn letter.
Look what you made me do.
Uh-oh.
Sorry.
Uh, I swear it's one of these buttons.
What the hell? Are you okay? Did she attack you? It's fine.
Just just a misunderstanding.
The hell is this? Where'd you get this? Did Mona deliver this to you? Okay, since neither of you have anything to say, I'll let the letter speak for itself.
No! Requesting emergency assistance! I-I didn't didn't mean to We're stuck.
Well, at least we're all here together, right? Now I know why you took my shoelaces.
Uh, pardon.
Mm-mm.
Américain.
Lost? - No, I'm good.
- Oh.
'Cause you're heading in the wrong direction.
The Waverider's over there.
I don't need directions from you.
Listen, sunshine.
I don't know what beef you had with your ex, but don't bring it on me.
Zelda, dear, I do believe they're giving us a run for our money.
You're the Fitzgeralds.
And we pride ourselves the most quarrelsome couple in Paris.
Don't worry.
We're not a couple.
Well, the night is still young.
You should join us for a drink.
Besides, no one should be out on the streets alone tonight.
There is a monster on the loose.
- You heard about the monster.
- Come with me.
What conversation isn't better had over a gin rickey? Do you hear that? DalÃ's the only one who's seen the beast.
Take it for what it's worth.
Well, I spoke with him myself, and according to DalÃ, this is what it looks like.
I can never make heads or tails of Salvador's work.
That's a Minotaur.
A beast Half man, half bull, spent its whole life lost in a maze? Ah, now, that's the common myth, but I heard a different story.
The Minotaur, he's not lost.
He's hiding.
Rejected by his father, he felt that he had no place in the real world, and so he chose to stay in the maze.
If Dalà thinks he's seen one of these, I want what he's drinking.
Where you going? I am going to figure out a way to catch a Minotaur and show my father what a real man of action looks like.
There it is, awaiting the fight.
I got this! Mine's longer.
- Fall back! - Wait, I've got the shot.
Aah! We have to go now! I'll never surrender.
But I will strategically retreat.
Get back! Gideon, Hank's hurt.
Show him what you can do.
Right away, Captain.
Dad, are you okay? Please don't blame the Legends.
I should have been there.
Because then you would have seen me lock eyes with the beast, and it was in that moment that I felt a deep and mutual respect.
- Wow, someone'e been bonding with Papa.
- Yeah.
Respect that gave way to resolve as the beast drew its blade.
The dance had begun.
- Okay, Gideon.
- Initiating scan.
So CliffsNotes: big ax, bigger monster, knows we're on it.
We need a plan B quick.
Okay.
Dad, you heal up.
- We've got this.
- No, like hell.
I owe it to him to finish this fight.
Sedative administered.
And you thought a Minotaur was bullheaded? Ooh, mythology burn.
It's good to have you back.
There has to be a way out of here.
Well, it's a prison cell.
Or an incubator for our burgeoning friendship.
Isn't breaking out of prison your thing? Only reason I escaped last time was because Ray gave me a Time Stone.
Tell me everything, because I am big-time shipping you two.
No shipping the inmates.
It's the reason we're stuck in here in the first place.
I know that getting your boss locked in a prison isn't the best way to start a job, so if it comes to it, I'd like you to eat me first.
No one's eating anyone, Mona, but when we get out of here, we do have to talk about your continued employment at the Bureau.
Wait, no, no, no, you can't fire me.
Give me one good reason why.
Okay.
Okay.
I was gonna save this for upstairs, but surprise! This isn't making things better, is it? No, it's fantastic.
Keep going.
So that's it? I finally find a job where I can use my skills Debatable.
And I blow it in the first week.
Guess I'm stuck doing my fallback plan, going back to law school.
At least Yale wants me.
Wait, wait, that's the fallback plan? Law school? What are you even doing here? This is my dream job.
It's my mom who wants me to be a lawyer.
No, you can't give in to what your parents want.
That's what I did, and look how that ended.
Okay, you're not gonna take life advice from Nora Dark, right? That's rich.
You should listen to your parents.
Think about your future.
Oh, easy for you to say.
At least you had a future.
When I was a kid, my dad convinced me to be a demon vessel.
You think it was easy for me? At least you got to be a kid.
Try being a clone from 2213, okay? The only taste of childhood I've ever had was almost being killed by a Shtriga at summer camp.
Wow, okay, I need to hear your entire life stories right now.
No.
We might as well get to know each other if we're stuck here.
Or at least have a drink? Where did you We need to bag ourselves a Minotaur before your dad gets himself killed.
Ugh, what is that smell? Did you guys get a team dog without me? Because that was my idea.
Bet you guys are having post-mission pizza parties now too.
This is the artificial musk of a female Minotaur.
See, Minotaurs have a very sharp sense of smell when it comes to tracking prey, but with this little bad boy, I can lure it in by convincing it that I'm a potential mate.
Then what? You two gonna ride off together, get a nice little flat in Soho? It's good, but we still need a way to tame it and get it to the Bureau.
Taming the beast.
Taming the beast.
I read about this.
I read about this.
Um, let's see, "The Magical Treatise of Solomon.
" Here we go.
"To ease the Minotaur's rage, his mother would play him a lullaby on a lute built by Daedalus.
" That's it.
We'll lure it out and lull it to sleep.
No one gets hurt, not even the Minotaur.
And then we'll have a pizza party.
And that's when I found out I was from the future.
- Whoa, the future.
- Yep.
It was all fake: my parents, my memories, growing up in Fresno.
Still better than spending your childhood with The Order of the Shrouded Compass.
- Wh - Is that like the Sisterhood of Traveling Pants? Even worse.
Death cult.
And before that, I just moved around from one mental institution to the next.
Point is, you're lucky.
I'm lucky? I just wish my past was made up.
What, so you can wake up one day and realize that you don't have any family, friends, or life experiences to hold on to? Doesn't sound that different from waking up in a prison cell.
Touché.
Are you two kidding me right now? Ava, you're a clone from the future, and you run the Time Travel Bureau.
And you're a witch.
And you escaped a cult and a real-life demon.
I did.
You two are, like, the two coolest women I have ever met, and I once met Gillian Anderson at an "X-Files" meet and greet.
Wow.
Mona, you are a gem.
You know, we can't have a birthday without birthday cake.
Yeah! Back on your feet already, Hank.
Yeah, your gal patched me up good.
I'm just running through our strategy.
Oh, wait, you let him use our "D&D" miniatures? No, I didn't let him touch Cyndra, Lord of the Dark Elves.
You guys "D&D" without me too? Son, why are you holding a tiny guitar, or do I even want to know? Oh, this this is a lute.
Someone say loot? This is what we're gonna use to put the Minotaur to sleep.
- I thought you said that was loot.
- I don't understand.
Well, I suppose it is more of a lyre.
Everyone's a liar.
This is how we're gonna catch our creature, Dad.
- That's your plan? - Yeah.
We're facing a literal monster.
You think you can destroy it with a lute? Well, in the hands of a master, a lute is a formidable weapon.
Just look at Sting, mate.
Sorry to interrupt, but there's a change in the timeline.
An attack at Cafe du Dome is imminent.
There will be no survivors.
The Minotaur must be tracking Hemingway's scent.
Let's move out.
Nathaniel, get out of my way.
I don't have to do what you say anymore, Hank.
Really? Because as your superior, I'm telling you to stand down.
You're going for the superior thing again? You know, you don't want to listen to me or understand me.
You just you just want to be better than me.
Well, you're one to talk about listening.
You've ignored every lesson I've ever tried to teach you.
Because it's the same lesson over and over again.
You want me to be more like you, Hank.
But guess what.
I'm not like you.
I don't like televised golf or Tom Clancy books or '70s folk rock.
I don't know if you happened to notice, but I'm a grown-ass superhero who's just trying to play the lute for a Minotaur.
Fine, don't want to listen to your old man? Maybe you'll listen to your captain.
I'm sorry, but I'm with Nate.
I know his idea sounds crazy, but he's right.
That's what makes him a Legend, no matter where he is.
Look, you said you wanted to see a Legends mission.
Well, you're about to, and if it goes wrong, well, you go ahead and fire all of us.
The beast advanced.
I turned on him, gun raised.
Seeing we'd reached an agreement, - I fired! - Oh! So I don't think we'll be seeing that creature anytime soon.
And what is that? Back for another go, are you? Oi, fuzz ball, come on.
Have a nice little whiff of this, will you? All right, that's your cue.
Okay.
I haven't had much time to rehearse, but Now we end this.
No! I warn you, I will strike a woman.
That's for being on my summer eighth grade reading list.
Uh, guys? Nathaniel! Always preferred Faulkner.
So not a bad birthday, huh? Considering my original plan was a "House Hunters" marathon That actually sounds pretty great.
You know what? - You should have this.
- Mm.
You know you want to read it.
Look, I learned from being locked up that the only way to survive is to shut down.
If you don't have a future, it's best not to look forward.
Not to meals or birthdays or relationships.
Just because this is your present doesn't mean it has to be your future.
Who knows? Maybe someday you can get out of here without having to escape.
Yeah, and aren't you glad you didn't shut down today? Well, this cake is pretty good.
Come on.
Come on.
Who doesn't want to see a Ray Palmer love letter? You have to open it.
There's probably glitter in it.
I really should - Open it.
- Come on.
Open it.
Open it.
You know what? Oh, hi there.
- Ray? - Yeah, hi.
Uh, could I get some help? I'm a little stuck.
- Get behind the bar! - Good idea.
I meant for cover.
Well, I like your version.
Oh! See, it looks just as I drew it.
You leave that weirdo alone! Your fight is with me! Toro! Come on.
Now the dance begins.
I needed to make sure she was okay.
I wanted to make sure you were okay.
Actually, I just really wanted to see her you.
And then I thought I'd deliver the message myself, but then I got stuck in the glue.
That was sweet.
Stupid but sweet.
No, it's unacceptable but, in this case, clearly convenient.
So since you are so good at getting people out of prison, let's get the hell out of here, shall we? Oh.
Yeah.
Let's just hope the team wasn't missing their QB.
That's my boy! Over here! There is a young cowboy He lives on the range His horse and his cattle are his only companions He works in the saddle And he sleeps in the canyons Waiting for summer, his pastures to change What is happening? James Taylor, and it's good.
And as the moon rises he sits by his fire Thinking about women and glasses of beer And closing his eyes as the dogies retire He sings out a song which is soft But it's clear As if maybe someone could hear You got this, Dad.
Good night, you moonlight ladies Rockabye, sweet baby James Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose Won't you let me go down in my dreams And rockabye, sweet baby James Now, that is how you finish a Legends mission.
You did good, son.
Right back at you, Dad.
I learned it from you, Nathaniel.
- Hola, Chupi! - Hola! - Privet, Baba Yaga.
- Privet.
What's up, Nora? Thought you were headed to Yale.
After last night, I marched home and told my parents I didn't want to be a lawyer.
And also that I was craving nachos and wanted to do karaoke.
The rosé had really kicked in at that point.
Oh, and here, my mom's homemade congee.
Great hangover cure.
Hey, can you do me a favor? I wrote I wrote Ray a letter.
Uh Gah! It'd be an honor to deliver it.
Yeah, anything for my generation's Ross and Rachel.
Uh, morning, Director Sharpe.
A word, Mona.
What? Wait, are you firing me this time? No, Mona.
After yesterday, I realized there is some room for a little humanity in this place.
Aloha, Kaupe.
Permission to scratch his tummy? Permission granted.
And you should deliver that letter.
Well, that was a chaotic, reckless, wasteful mess.
I think I finally see the value in the Legends.
Yeah, you could have led with that last part.
We're glad to have you on board.
Well, this has been fun, but it's time for me to get back.
Yeah, you know what? Um, I'll Um, I'll meet you back there, Dad.
He's right.
This was fun.
It's good to be back.
Well, the door is always open.
You know, coming back here, I thought it'd be like the old days, but I don't know what's more surprising, the fact that so much has changed or at some point, this became the old days.
You'd think we of all people would understand that time makes no sense.
Yeah.
But I guess it's something you never accept.
You know I love you guys, right? But, uh I belong over there.
I get it.
I'm proud of you.
So go on.
Go do your adult thing, and we'll see you around.
Okay.
Though if you're not in a rush It's a pizza party.
Yeah, here he is.
- Hey! - Welcome back, ugly.
Yes, what other bright ideas are you gonna leave us with before you bugger off? Softball team.
Oh, no, only electronic sports.
Piñata Fridays.
How many times do I have to say no to that? Unionizing.
Ooh, don't let Hank hear you say that.
You know, it's still weird not having you around.
Mm-hmm.
Aw, man, I'll always be right there, big guy, - in that giant heart of yours.
- Aw.
And I'll be at the Bureau, so you guys can literally stop by whenever you want.
Mm.
But, you know, before I go, I do want to say one thing.
When I first stepped onto this ship, I was, you know, trying to get away from all my baggage back home, and I can't believe I'm gonna say this, Hemingway once wrote, "Can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another.
" - Mm.
- And thanks to you guys, I don't have to run anymore.
Being here with you all has turned me into the man I need to be, and, uh, this place is special.
And you never know when it's gonna be over.
So I say, Legends, enjoy the ride while it lasts.
Hear, hear.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Cheers, cheers, cheers.
Uh, you'll find your place here.
I know I did.
This must be one of his secret government projects - he could never tell me about.
- Yeah, my whole life, I always believed my power was evil.
Nora Dark, hands up! It's time for me to pay for my past.
I just believe she can be a better person.
- Amaya.
- It just looks like her.
She's a shape-shifter.
She's still adjusting to her knew home.
I'm gonna green-light additional funding to fast-track the completion of your containment facility.
Is that a Kaupe? I can't believe you guys have magical creatures here.
This is, like, the coolest place ever.
Hey, Ava, hope I'm not too early.
It's Director Sharpe.
And you're not early, Mona.
You're late.
Oh, no, are you firing me? Why does this always happen? I'm not firing you, Mona.
Awesome, because I cannot wait to decorate my cubicle.
There's Rose from "Golden Girls.
" She's, like, the OG of girl power.
- Am I right? - No.
Take that off and anything else that's metal.
Leave the toys with these guys.
You do not want to bring anything into the containment unit that can be used as a weapon against you.
But Rose couldn't hurt a fly.
Your job is to feed our various magical detainees.
Keeping these creatures secure is the Bureau's newest and highest priority.
Aloha, Kaupe.
Good to see you.
Each cell is encoded with the captive's genetic signature, allowing you to pass them provisions all while keeping you safe from the monsters.
Well, this place definitely needs decorating.
Now, for the Kaupe, we're gonna need a palm tree, - some volcanic rock - This is a prison, Mona, not a home.
Let's go.
And they are our prisoners, not our friends.
Which is especially true of our most recent acquisition.
Nora Dark.
Of all the creatures here, she's the most despicable.
Hi, I'm Mona.
I'm your magical caretaker.
So if you have any dietary restrictions or special requests, be sure to let me know.
Um you should have this.
It just came out.
It's called "Uncaged Desire.
" Actually, there is something you can get me, Mona.
Anything, just You name it.
Some peace and quiet.
Hmm? I think you just learned a very valuable lesson, Mona.
Don't fraternize with the prisoners.
I told you, no interrup Well, you're not Gary.
Perceptive.
And those are not work shoes.
What are you doing here? Don't play coy with me.
Happy birthday, Director Sharpe.
Oh, sweet God.
Um wow.
You know that I don't normally like to celebrate my birthday, but Well, I am here to fix that, so close your eyes.
What? - I said close your eyes.
- Okay.
Okay.
Are you ready for your birthday present? Yes.
Are we really doing this? Oh! Director Sharpe, we need to talk.
Of course, sir.
I-I was just, uh, meditating.
There's this great app that Meditate on this.
- Oh, my God.
- Exactly.
These are expenses generated by the crew of the Waverider, the tip of the Time Bureau spear - Mm-hmm.
- Your Legends.
You said they were worth the additional funding.
Let me refer you to some of my favorite line items.
$135 million for a new Timecore.
What was wrong with the old one? Oh, well, um, Rip blew it up when he sacrificed his life to save the world.
Sacrifice is right.
$1.
7 million for historical costumes.
Mm-hmm.
Well, admittedly, their costumes are flamboyant.
A line item for, and I quote, "assorted condiments.
" Assorted? No one ever accused the Legends of starving, sir.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were in bed with the Legends.
Either that, or this Captain Sara Lance is simply screwing you.
- What? Screwing me - Sara Lance? Sir, that is That is crazy.
Which is exactly what the Pentagon is going to call me unless we find a way to justify these numbers.
Got it, sir.
Whew! I look, I know that your team is worth the money, - but I - I will talk to the team, see if we can tighten our belts.
Thank you.
I increase their budget so they can build magical containment cells to start capturing these creatures.
Meanwhile, they're running a nine-figure deficit on a timeship.
Okay, take a deep breath, Hank.
If you knew what the Legends did, you'd realize they're they're worth every single penny.
Now, how about this? I'll set up a ride-along.
You can meet the gang and see where I used to live.
I can see where my money's going.
- Sure.
- You're right.
Why don't we go now? Now? You know, um, we should probably give 'em a chance, you know, to clean up.
We can't warn them we're coming.
That would defeat the purpose.
Okay, um I mean, I got to hail the Waverider, and that's gonna take forever.
Nathaniel, as your boss, I demand you take me to the Waverider.
Gonna play the boss card again? Okay, then, sir Captain Heywood.
Let's go see what the Legends are up to.
I can deal with Hank, and we still have plenty of time to get things on the ship back in order.
What are they - I should probably - Go! Go.
Go.
Delivery for Sara Damn it.
Sorry.
Wait, don't forget your, um Birthday cake.
Red alert, Nate is on the ship, and he brought his dad for what's got to be a surprise inspection.
We are so not ready for guests.
Nate's here? I could really use a hug and get his advice on Nora.
Did you forget who else is on the ship? Charlie.
You can't let him see her until we have time to explain why there's an Amaya look-alike on board.
- Right.
- Last time I saw her, she was in the lab.
Everyone, keep Nate away from the lab.
I'm on my way.
Any tour of the ship should start here.
This is where the Legends have team meetings and hold lively symposiums of ideas and solutions, all led by Captain Sara Lance.
And where is this Captain Lance? Um um, it is a little quiet, but I assure you Captain Lance is securing the Legends' next daring mission.
Next up, the parlour, which we spell with a U because our first captain was British.
So why does a ship formerly manned by a single person now need Need a crew of six? - I can explain.
- Hey, Ray.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Uh, he means five.
You mean five.
I mean five.
I mean five.
I must have been thinking about Gideon as a real person.
Are you trying to hurt my feelings, Dr.
Palmer? Oh, wow, Gideon.
Hubba, hubba.
Love the new look.
Ms.
Tomaz gave me, in her words, a face-lift.
This is a talking computer? Actually, I'm a quantum-enhanced A.
I.
program, capable of operating completely autonomously.
So what you're saying is, you don't need any people on the ship.
Oh, no, no, no, no, we do.
Ray, why don't you show Hank what you do in the Not the Lab.
Hello, sir.
Um, you should take him to the library.
It's very impressive, and there are books.
- And bookshelves.
- Bookshelves.
See, Hank, it takes a village.
Follow me.
- God.
- It was a good save.
Now, the library is my domain.
I've assembled quite a collection of Nate, it's good to see you, mate.
You haven't seen the laboratory yet, have you? No, why? Because you should always save the best for last.
Yeah, you should really put some clothes on when we have guests.
So this is your domain.
Why don't we move on, huh? Mr.
Heywood, welcome aboard.
I see you've already had the complete tour.
He hasn't seen the lab yet.
That's a great idea.
Wait till you see this.
Hey, so maybe your dad would like to see the galley.
Or the cargo bay with all the crates.
Or or the bathroom.
It's a marvel of efficiency.
Look, you guys need to pull it together, okay? Look, I know my dad sprung this on us, but we have dealt with crazier things Amaya? So this is the ex-girlfriend you can't shut up about? Look, I'm sorry.
I should have told you She came back.
I knew she'd come back.
No, you don't understand.
It's not You look beautiful.
Get your stinking mitts off of me, you knob.
Whoa.
We should just We're gonna Yeah, just go.
Go.
You've changed.
What the hell's going on? And what's with that accent? I mean, I dig it, but what's going on? Well, I'm not your disco-loving ex, mate.
Meet the newest member of our team, Charlie.
Charlie here is a shape-shifter.
Except she can no longer shape-shift.
It's actually a pretty crazy story.
Let me guess: she turned into Amaya and conned you into not sending her to hell and Constantine put a spell on her and now she's stuck like this? That is - weirdly accurate, yeah.
- Yeah.
I guess it's not such a crazy story.
It's insane, Ray! I told my dad you guys were good at your jobs, and now you're adopting some magical creature who's pretending to be Amaya? Hey, I'm not pretending to be anyone.
That said, Hank's already looking for ways to slash our funding, so maybe it's not the worst idea to fake it for one mission.
You want me to pretend to be this wanker's ex? What Sounds like classic Legends hijinks to me.
We can't let Hank know that we're harboring a fugitive.
We just need to show him one mission, send him on his way before anything can go wrong.
Okay, then maybe it wasn't the best idea to leave him with those three.
- We should go.
- Yeah.
All right, team, showtime.
- Drinking at work.
- Who said anything about work? Hey, Legends, you hear that? We got a hit on the magic-o-meter.
Oh, where in history are we gonna end up next? Where will it be? The Wild West, medieval China, or Paris in the Roaring Twenties? - Ooh, la, la.
- Gideon, plot a course.
Yes, Captain, right away.
So explain to me how this magic-o-meter of yours works.
Oh, well Thingy goes beep, and we kick ass.
Meaning we investigate each time period.
- We find the creature.
- We bring it to the Bureau.
And hopefully learn some life lessons along the way.
And it takes six of you to do that? - Seven if you count Amaya.
- Eight if you count me.
Sounds a little inefficient.
Which is why we separate into two very important teams.
Zee, John, Ray, and Amaya will stay on the ship to quarterback while the rest of us go in search of whatever is wreaking havoc on gay Paree.
I thought that was, uh, inpolitically correct.
Politically incorrect.
Hey, it's our first mission together.
Don't worry, if anything goes wrong in the field, I got you covered.
Yeah, but I didn't get coldcocked by a girl.
Have you ever been hit by a girl, Hank? No, ma'am.
Hmm.
We should head out.
Cafe du Dome, 1927, home to the Lost Generation.
Writers, artists, ex-pats, they all All right, so where's this monster? Yeah, who needs historical context and wonderment? I need a drink.
What he means is, we need to blend in with the locals.
This is a recon mission.
I believe Oh, my God.
It's him.
Salvador DalÃ.
What, the creep with the weird mustache? Don't point.
He's the father of surrealism.
This is your plan? To catch this creature, you ask a bunch of artsy-fartsy fools Oh, my God.
It's him.
It's Papa.
Papa? What, your grandfather's here? - No.
- Thought he blew up in space.
You are so insensitive.
Not that Papa.
Ernest Hemingway.
He's, like, my dad's spirit animal.
I say if we want to get things done, we ask the original man of action.
Your dad is totally geeking out right now.
Mm-hmm, my entire life, my father would go on and on about Hemingway and how that was his idea of a real man.
And that is when I was attacked by the monstrous man of the Catacombs.
Well, it's time to talk to some artsy-fartsy fools.
Pardon moi.
Uh, you said you saw a monstrous man.
- Can you explain? - Of course.
Um, there was a logarithmic curve to his form, the drama of his movement expressing deep personal cosmogony.
Can you draw me a picture? Okay, let's try one more time.
My name is Amaya Jiwe of the, uh The Justice Society of complete and utter bloody rubbish, wouldn't it? Yep, it sucks.
Now, just remember, the yanks, they don't say "rubbish.
" They'd say "That was absolute garbage.
I'm American, soccer, yardsticks, ranch dressing, weasel.
" You know what? I quit.
Yeah.
I'd rather get some fresh air than pretend to be this twee old nag.
You can't quit.
She can't quit.
Sara needs us to quarterback the mission.
You don't really think that's why she left us here, do you? She just doesn't want us making a scene in front of Nate's dad.
"Efficiency" is the new watchword, gents, and while Hank is around, the three of us - Four if you count Charlie.
- Five if you count me.
Are extraneous.
You know, mate, you could just walk straight off this ship and no one would even bleeding notice.
Hmph, well, maybe I'll test that theory.
Except I'm not walking.
I'm taking the jumpship.
The answer is no, Ray.
But you haven't even heard my pitch yet.
You want access to a secret containment facility for magical creatures Where, I might add, there are no conjugal visits.
Wait, what? You think that I want to visit Nora so that we can I just want to make sure that she's okay.
Oh, that is so sweet.
I almost believe that story, you big lovable teddy bear, you.
But the answer is still no.
With Nate's dad watching our each and every move, there is just no time for love at the Time Bureau.
There's always time for love.
- Were you eavesdropping? - Maybe.
Or maybe I was meant to hear your plight.
I'm sorry, who are you again? Name's Mona, and I know where they've got Nora locked up.
- You do.
- Mm-hmm.
And while I can't sneak you in, I can help you sneak in the next best thing.
A love letter.
The bull is not the enemy of the bullfighter.
He is his partner.
They are dancers locked in a dance of death.
Whichever dies, man or bull, the dance is a thing of beauty.
Hey, we got to go.
I got a lead on that, um, thing we're hunting.
- You're hunters? - Stay out of this, Hemingway.
Perhaps you'd like to settle our differences like men.
I don't have time for this macho crap, man.
Okay, you two with me.
Roy, keep him busy.
Fine specimen of male vitality.
Fellow pugilist, no doubt.
Author.
Ah! My kind of man! Join me.
Okay, Dalà saw the monster firsthand when it attacked him in the Catacombs, and he drew me this.
Um, wait.
What the hell am I looking at? No, no, no, here.
Yeah, I still don't see it.
All right, ignore the melting clocks.
We got to get this back to the ship, and I have to find a match to DalÃ's drawing somewhere in the library.
We're supposed to protect history from the library, Nathaniel? Okay, I see that you're really into drinking the Hemingway Kool-Aid, and by Kool-Aid, I mean scotch, but we are here to catch a monster.
Of course, but I know we sure as hell aren't gonna find out what it is by studying some finger paintings.
We gotta go back to the ship to figure out what we're doing.
That's the way we do things, right? Yes, when the mission isn't also showing Hank a good time.
I'm sorry.
You know, I thought this would be good for the both of us, but Hank is at his happiest when he's telling me what I'm doing wrong, so Mission accomplished.
Aw, cheer up, bud.
You are right, so Rory and I, we will keep an eye on Hank, let him have a few laughs with Hemingway while you go figure out what this thing is.
We bag the creature, we keep our jobs.
Okay.
Whoa, where are you all going? Henry here told me of a creature hiding in the Catacombs.
Oh, did you, Henry? - Therefore we hunt.
- Let's go get our monster.
Nate's right.
We have no idea what this thing is.
A man hunts not to learn about his prey but to learn about himself.
We need to regroup with the team and get some backup.
What better backup than Hemingway? I'm finally starting to understand what it is the Legends do.
Marcel, fetch me my rifles.
Right away, sir.
I need a Marcel.
Yeah, just a little drunk hunting with Hemingway.
What could go wrong? Have you ever held a gun before? Once or twice.
Your friend is much woman.
Have my own.
Signature weapon, I like it.
The drunk painter was right.
The creature is hiding in the Catacombs.
- And it's getting closer.
- We need a plan.
We have no idea what this thing is and if it can even be stopped with bullets.
I've found that in life, the shortest answer is doing the thing.
Let's do this thing.
I knew you couldn't resist.
Did you get to the end, where the correctional officer convinces the judge to send her to prison so he can go free? Well, I have now.
Sorry, didn't mean to ruin it.
But I brought you an even better one.
The hell is this? It's a letter from your crush.
Ray left it behind for you.
Don't you see? Yours is a love no bars can contain.
No, I-I don't want it.
But don't you want to at least open it? No.
What if you change your mind or your heart? Not gonna change my Take the damn letter.
Look what you made me do.
Uh-oh.
Sorry.
Uh, I swear it's one of these buttons.
What the hell? Are you okay? Did she attack you? It's fine.
Just just a misunderstanding.
The hell is this? Where'd you get this? Did Mona deliver this to you? Okay, since neither of you have anything to say, I'll let the letter speak for itself.
No! Requesting emergency assistance! I-I didn't didn't mean to We're stuck.
Well, at least we're all here together, right? Now I know why you took my shoelaces.
Uh, pardon.
Mm-mm.
Américain.
Lost? - No, I'm good.
- Oh.
'Cause you're heading in the wrong direction.
The Waverider's over there.
I don't need directions from you.
Listen, sunshine.
I don't know what beef you had with your ex, but don't bring it on me.
Zelda, dear, I do believe they're giving us a run for our money.
You're the Fitzgeralds.
And we pride ourselves the most quarrelsome couple in Paris.
Don't worry.
We're not a couple.
Well, the night is still young.
You should join us for a drink.
Besides, no one should be out on the streets alone tonight.
There is a monster on the loose.
- You heard about the monster.
- Come with me.
What conversation isn't better had over a gin rickey? Do you hear that? DalÃ's the only one who's seen the beast.
Take it for what it's worth.
Well, I spoke with him myself, and according to DalÃ, this is what it looks like.
I can never make heads or tails of Salvador's work.
That's a Minotaur.
A beast Half man, half bull, spent its whole life lost in a maze? Ah, now, that's the common myth, but I heard a different story.
The Minotaur, he's not lost.
He's hiding.
Rejected by his father, he felt that he had no place in the real world, and so he chose to stay in the maze.
If Dalà thinks he's seen one of these, I want what he's drinking.
Where you going? I am going to figure out a way to catch a Minotaur and show my father what a real man of action looks like.
There it is, awaiting the fight.
I got this! Mine's longer.
- Fall back! - Wait, I've got the shot.
Aah! We have to go now! I'll never surrender.
But I will strategically retreat.
Get back! Gideon, Hank's hurt.
Show him what you can do.
Right away, Captain.
Dad, are you okay? Please don't blame the Legends.
I should have been there.
Because then you would have seen me lock eyes with the beast, and it was in that moment that I felt a deep and mutual respect.
- Wow, someone'e been bonding with Papa.
- Yeah.
Respect that gave way to resolve as the beast drew its blade.
The dance had begun.
- Okay, Gideon.
- Initiating scan.
So CliffsNotes: big ax, bigger monster, knows we're on it.
We need a plan B quick.
Okay.
Dad, you heal up.
- We've got this.
- No, like hell.
I owe it to him to finish this fight.
Sedative administered.
And you thought a Minotaur was bullheaded? Ooh, mythology burn.
It's good to have you back.
There has to be a way out of here.
Well, it's a prison cell.
Or an incubator for our burgeoning friendship.
Isn't breaking out of prison your thing? Only reason I escaped last time was because Ray gave me a Time Stone.
Tell me everything, because I am big-time shipping you two.
No shipping the inmates.
It's the reason we're stuck in here in the first place.
I know that getting your boss locked in a prison isn't the best way to start a job, so if it comes to it, I'd like you to eat me first.
No one's eating anyone, Mona, but when we get out of here, we do have to talk about your continued employment at the Bureau.
Wait, no, no, no, you can't fire me.
Give me one good reason why.
Okay.
Okay.
I was gonna save this for upstairs, but surprise! This isn't making things better, is it? No, it's fantastic.
Keep going.
So that's it? I finally find a job where I can use my skills Debatable.
And I blow it in the first week.
Guess I'm stuck doing my fallback plan, going back to law school.
At least Yale wants me.
Wait, wait, that's the fallback plan? Law school? What are you even doing here? This is my dream job.
It's my mom who wants me to be a lawyer.
No, you can't give in to what your parents want.
That's what I did, and look how that ended.
Okay, you're not gonna take life advice from Nora Dark, right? That's rich.
You should listen to your parents.
Think about your future.
Oh, easy for you to say.
At least you had a future.
When I was a kid, my dad convinced me to be a demon vessel.
You think it was easy for me? At least you got to be a kid.
Try being a clone from 2213, okay? The only taste of childhood I've ever had was almost being killed by a Shtriga at summer camp.
Wow, okay, I need to hear your entire life stories right now.
No.
We might as well get to know each other if we're stuck here.
Or at least have a drink? Where did you We need to bag ourselves a Minotaur before your dad gets himself killed.
Ugh, what is that smell? Did you guys get a team dog without me? Because that was my idea.
Bet you guys are having post-mission pizza parties now too.
This is the artificial musk of a female Minotaur.
See, Minotaurs have a very sharp sense of smell when it comes to tracking prey, but with this little bad boy, I can lure it in by convincing it that I'm a potential mate.
Then what? You two gonna ride off together, get a nice little flat in Soho? It's good, but we still need a way to tame it and get it to the Bureau.
Taming the beast.
Taming the beast.
I read about this.
I read about this.
Um, let's see, "The Magical Treatise of Solomon.
" Here we go.
"To ease the Minotaur's rage, his mother would play him a lullaby on a lute built by Daedalus.
" That's it.
We'll lure it out and lull it to sleep.
No one gets hurt, not even the Minotaur.
And then we'll have a pizza party.
And that's when I found out I was from the future.
- Whoa, the future.
- Yep.
It was all fake: my parents, my memories, growing up in Fresno.
Still better than spending your childhood with The Order of the Shrouded Compass.
- Wh - Is that like the Sisterhood of Traveling Pants? Even worse.
Death cult.
And before that, I just moved around from one mental institution to the next.
Point is, you're lucky.
I'm lucky? I just wish my past was made up.
What, so you can wake up one day and realize that you don't have any family, friends, or life experiences to hold on to? Doesn't sound that different from waking up in a prison cell.
Touché.
Are you two kidding me right now? Ava, you're a clone from the future, and you run the Time Travel Bureau.
And you're a witch.
And you escaped a cult and a real-life demon.
I did.
You two are, like, the two coolest women I have ever met, and I once met Gillian Anderson at an "X-Files" meet and greet.
Wow.
Mona, you are a gem.
You know, we can't have a birthday without birthday cake.
Yeah! Back on your feet already, Hank.
Yeah, your gal patched me up good.
I'm just running through our strategy.
Oh, wait, you let him use our "D&D" miniatures? No, I didn't let him touch Cyndra, Lord of the Dark Elves.
You guys "D&D" without me too? Son, why are you holding a tiny guitar, or do I even want to know? Oh, this this is a lute.
Someone say loot? This is what we're gonna use to put the Minotaur to sleep.
- I thought you said that was loot.
- I don't understand.
Well, I suppose it is more of a lyre.
Everyone's a liar.
This is how we're gonna catch our creature, Dad.
- That's your plan? - Yeah.
We're facing a literal monster.
You think you can destroy it with a lute? Well, in the hands of a master, a lute is a formidable weapon.
Just look at Sting, mate.
Sorry to interrupt, but there's a change in the timeline.
An attack at Cafe du Dome is imminent.
There will be no survivors.
The Minotaur must be tracking Hemingway's scent.
Let's move out.
Nathaniel, get out of my way.
I don't have to do what you say anymore, Hank.
Really? Because as your superior, I'm telling you to stand down.
You're going for the superior thing again? You know, you don't want to listen to me or understand me.
You just you just want to be better than me.
Well, you're one to talk about listening.
You've ignored every lesson I've ever tried to teach you.
Because it's the same lesson over and over again.
You want me to be more like you, Hank.
But guess what.
I'm not like you.
I don't like televised golf or Tom Clancy books or '70s folk rock.
I don't know if you happened to notice, but I'm a grown-ass superhero who's just trying to play the lute for a Minotaur.
Fine, don't want to listen to your old man? Maybe you'll listen to your captain.
I'm sorry, but I'm with Nate.
I know his idea sounds crazy, but he's right.
That's what makes him a Legend, no matter where he is.
Look, you said you wanted to see a Legends mission.
Well, you're about to, and if it goes wrong, well, you go ahead and fire all of us.
The beast advanced.
I turned on him, gun raised.
Seeing we'd reached an agreement, - I fired! - Oh! So I don't think we'll be seeing that creature anytime soon.
And what is that? Back for another go, are you? Oi, fuzz ball, come on.
Have a nice little whiff of this, will you? All right, that's your cue.
Okay.
I haven't had much time to rehearse, but Now we end this.
No! I warn you, I will strike a woman.
That's for being on my summer eighth grade reading list.
Uh, guys? Nathaniel! Always preferred Faulkner.
So not a bad birthday, huh? Considering my original plan was a "House Hunters" marathon That actually sounds pretty great.
You know what? - You should have this.
- Mm.
You know you want to read it.
Look, I learned from being locked up that the only way to survive is to shut down.
If you don't have a future, it's best not to look forward.
Not to meals or birthdays or relationships.
Just because this is your present doesn't mean it has to be your future.
Who knows? Maybe someday you can get out of here without having to escape.
Yeah, and aren't you glad you didn't shut down today? Well, this cake is pretty good.
Come on.
Come on.
Who doesn't want to see a Ray Palmer love letter? You have to open it.
There's probably glitter in it.
I really should - Open it.
- Come on.
Open it.
Open it.
You know what? Oh, hi there.
- Ray? - Yeah, hi.
Uh, could I get some help? I'm a little stuck.
- Get behind the bar! - Good idea.
I meant for cover.
Well, I like your version.
Oh! See, it looks just as I drew it.
You leave that weirdo alone! Your fight is with me! Toro! Come on.
Now the dance begins.
I needed to make sure she was okay.
I wanted to make sure you were okay.
Actually, I just really wanted to see her you.
And then I thought I'd deliver the message myself, but then I got stuck in the glue.
That was sweet.
Stupid but sweet.
No, it's unacceptable but, in this case, clearly convenient.
So since you are so good at getting people out of prison, let's get the hell out of here, shall we? Oh.
Yeah.
Let's just hope the team wasn't missing their QB.
That's my boy! Over here! There is a young cowboy He lives on the range His horse and his cattle are his only companions He works in the saddle And he sleeps in the canyons Waiting for summer, his pastures to change What is happening? James Taylor, and it's good.
And as the moon rises he sits by his fire Thinking about women and glasses of beer And closing his eyes as the dogies retire He sings out a song which is soft But it's clear As if maybe someone could hear You got this, Dad.
Good night, you moonlight ladies Rockabye, sweet baby James Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose Won't you let me go down in my dreams And rockabye, sweet baby James Now, that is how you finish a Legends mission.
You did good, son.
Right back at you, Dad.
I learned it from you, Nathaniel.
- Hola, Chupi! - Hola! - Privet, Baba Yaga.
- Privet.
What's up, Nora? Thought you were headed to Yale.
After last night, I marched home and told my parents I didn't want to be a lawyer.
And also that I was craving nachos and wanted to do karaoke.
The rosé had really kicked in at that point.
Oh, and here, my mom's homemade congee.
Great hangover cure.
Hey, can you do me a favor? I wrote I wrote Ray a letter.
Uh Gah! It'd be an honor to deliver it.
Yeah, anything for my generation's Ross and Rachel.
Uh, morning, Director Sharpe.
A word, Mona.
What? Wait, are you firing me this time? No, Mona.
After yesterday, I realized there is some room for a little humanity in this place.
Aloha, Kaupe.
Permission to scratch his tummy? Permission granted.
And you should deliver that letter.
Well, that was a chaotic, reckless, wasteful mess.
I think I finally see the value in the Legends.
Yeah, you could have led with that last part.
We're glad to have you on board.
Well, this has been fun, but it's time for me to get back.
Yeah, you know what? Um, I'll Um, I'll meet you back there, Dad.
He's right.
This was fun.
It's good to be back.
Well, the door is always open.
You know, coming back here, I thought it'd be like the old days, but I don't know what's more surprising, the fact that so much has changed or at some point, this became the old days.
You'd think we of all people would understand that time makes no sense.
Yeah.
But I guess it's something you never accept.
You know I love you guys, right? But, uh I belong over there.
I get it.
I'm proud of you.
So go on.
Go do your adult thing, and we'll see you around.
Okay.
Though if you're not in a rush It's a pizza party.
Yeah, here he is.
- Hey! - Welcome back, ugly.
Yes, what other bright ideas are you gonna leave us with before you bugger off? Softball team.
Oh, no, only electronic sports.
Piñata Fridays.
How many times do I have to say no to that? Unionizing.
Ooh, don't let Hank hear you say that.
You know, it's still weird not having you around.
Mm-hmm.
Aw, man, I'll always be right there, big guy, - in that giant heart of yours.
- Aw.
And I'll be at the Bureau, so you guys can literally stop by whenever you want.
Mm.
But, you know, before I go, I do want to say one thing.
When I first stepped onto this ship, I was, you know, trying to get away from all my baggage back home, and I can't believe I'm gonna say this, Hemingway once wrote, "Can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another.
" - Mm.
- And thanks to you guys, I don't have to run anymore.
Being here with you all has turned me into the man I need to be, and, uh, this place is special.
And you never know when it's gonna be over.
So I say, Legends, enjoy the ride while it lasts.
Hear, hear.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Cheers, cheers, cheers.
Uh, you'll find your place here.
I know I did.