Less Than Kind (2008) s04e06 Episode Script

1 Previously on Less than Kind - Who's this? - I'm your new bike tech! My new bike tech? I need one! Shit yeah! I just came to talk to you.
Get out! You told my dad where I work! You are fucking pathetic.
Miriam, you should go.
This is wrong.
This is so mind-blowingly, incredibly fucking wrong.
Jim, have you been drinking today? No, I have not.
I haven't had a drink for four weeks and three days.
I couldn't have done it without them.
To my mother-in-law, Anne Blecher.
I gotta drink to that.
Me too.
Bottoms up! Because, for the last few weeks, I've been carrying around a little secret.
What? Josh, you're gonna be a dad.
I'm sorry we fought.
Everything'll be okay.
Sorry we fought too.
We'll get the down payment.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I'll get another job.
Maybe you need to rest.
No, I don't need sleep.
Maybe the baby's sleeping for me.
Maybe I could do one job with this hand, and one job with this hand.
What do you guys think? Maybe you should go back to bed.
- Come with me? - I have to go to work.
It's Labour Day, it's a day off.
There are no more days off.
Aw It's the last of the wedding cake.
And up above us all Leaning into sky Our golden business boy Watched the north end die And sang I love this town Then let his arcing wrecking ball proclaim I Hate Winnipeg Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim Hi.
You should get a cleaning lady.
See, the thing is, it's not my place, Annie.
Really? Whose place is this? Fucked if I know.
Oh.
Must've been a good party.
I don't even remember.
I think the last thing I remember was that speech at the wedding, and then it gets fuzzy quick.
Aw no.
Jim, I need to get home.
Okay, this is bullshit.
Okay.
I'll just deal with it.
Be careful.
What was that? Uh, that sounded like a shotgun.
- Shotgun, run, Annie! - Go! Go! Run, Annie! - Okay! - Go! This is wrong.
- What are you looking for? - My phone.
Where's the last place you were sitting? No, no, no, no, no! Ah, shit.
Is this all yours? No, it's Uzi's, he asked me to drop it off at his friend's.
Sheldon know about this? Hey, don't you go blabbin' to Sheldon about this, okay? Just Get that outta here.
Good morning Hey.
Okay, so what's wrong today already? It's shit.
It's me.
When are you gonna give yourself a break? Sorry, I'll get that.
Oh, hi! Sheldon, come on, you have to get going! - We have to return the chairs from the wedding.
- It's Labour Day.
Yeah, but everybody gets married on Labour Day! They're open! Come on! Okay, I'm just gonna put on my sandals.
Hey, how are things with Cody? It's great, he's, um-- he's a great kid.
And how are things going with you, sweetheart? - I'm fine.
- No, she's not! Miriam's stressed.
Well, don't be, because I found your phone.
It was out on the balcony.
You got a text from Jack-- "Baby emergency"? Oh my god, he dropped the baby! It's probably nothing.
Well then, call him.
- What's goin' on? - Jack dropped the baby! - What? - He didn't! Come on! What's going on? What's going on? Is he answering? No.
Um Why don't I just go check on him? - That's a great idea, come on.
- Yeah, I'm ready.
Come on! My car's downstairs! Come on! Oh my god, oh my god Annie! Would you slow down? Annie! Annie! There's nobody chasing after us, okay? Annie! Annie! Whoa.
Okay, okay.
You realize you're running around in circles, right? Why were they shooting at you? They weren't shooting at me.
I think they were just random shooting.
- Oh good, good, good, good.
- It's okay.
Everything's gonna be fine.
- Where are we? - Oh, I dunno.
Not lost.
This is what we're gonna do.
We're gonna stick to one direction.
We stick in that direction, and-- It's Manitoba, we're gonna bump into something, right? - Okay? - Okay, okay, good.
Which way? Let's go this way.
Slow down! Slow down! - Sorry.
- Don't start doin' this again.
- I'm sorry.
- Okay, thank you.
It's not a race Okay! Let's get started.
Good mornin', Manitoba Labels! Happy Fun Day.
Okay, I know you're thinking "Why am I not with my family? It's Labour Day.
" When I look around this room, I see my family.
- Woo! - And we are gonna have fun.
And you know who else is gonna play with us? Uncle Hundred Dollar Bill.
Hm? Who wants to take Uncle Bill home? I do! I do.
Don't you want to know how you'll take Uncle Bill home? Yes.
When Manitoba Labels started out, "licking our competition" was a pretty good slogan.
So awesome But in 2004, I said that I should change that slogan.
Ladies and gentlemen today is the day.
Now who's gonna start us off? New slogans, anybody? Eric! Stick with us, the best years are yet to come.
Good, but too long.
Katie? Manitoba Labels Shit, yeah! Anybody else? - I'd tap that label.
- Okay.
Dean? Our labels are better than tornados.
- Ech - Label me excited! This is getting good.
Goran? Josh? Manitoba Labels, you're stuck with us? I'm not sure that's a message we want out there, so no.
M-M-Manitoba Labels, stick with us! That's the one! Yes! Congratulations, Eric! I said that! Josh, yours was good, but Eric made it gooder.
Congratulations, Eric.
Thank you.
Let's hear it for him! It's a great start for Team Green, huh? Team Green! Team Green! Boo! What have you done? Oh, shit! Okay, just, just be cool.
Is Cody hurt? Cody, why would Cody be hurt? Because you texted Miriam and said there was a baby emergency! Oh, yeah, no-- I exaggerated the emergency, he's fine! He's upstairs.
Sleeping.
Sleeping? Then why did you say there was an emergency? Because I need to go to the gym! I rushed over here because going to the gym is an emergency for you? I don't know what the hell you're doing here-- I texted my babysitter! It's resolved! It's resolved! We're all good.
We're gonna go.
We're going.
- Bye, Jack.
- Jack, do you need me to stay? Yeah.
Good to see ya, Uncle Jack.
- You too, Sheldon.
- Call you later on.
- What a fucking douche bag! - I know What he calls an emergency! "It's an emergency, I have to go work out!" Oh my god.
Holy s-s-shit! Are we, like, the two luckiest assholes on the planet right now? Ooh, God! Let's Come on, let's burn off some of this adrenaline.
We need to talk.
Right, yeah, of course we do.
Yeah, yeah, you know.
I'm sure you've got a lot of questions about last night, you know, and where this whole this is-- is going.
- I do.
- Yeah, no, and I, uh, I understand.
And you need to talk, and I really, really want to listen.
We need to talk.
I'm sure you've got a lot of emotions and concerns and things - that you want to express, yeah.
- Yeah.
Where are you going? Uh the, uh the gym.
But, listen, yeah - We'll talk when you get back? - Yes, no, absolutely, I really, really wanna hear it.
Mr.
Boss Man! You wanted to see me? You're fired, Eric.
What? Why? Lot of complaints about your hygiene.
There's no shower where I live.
Not my problem, bro.
I'm gonna need you to sign this This says I'm an ass-licking cunt fuck.
I'm not gonna sign that.
Oh, I'll sign it for you.
Yeah.
- There you go.
- Why are you doin' this to me? I thought we were good here, bro.
Dude, first you stole my slogan, then you nominated Dean to be Egg Master in the egg race.
You wanted to be Egg Master? You don't even know what an egg master is, do you? Do you? He's the master.
Of all the eggs.
In the egg race.
Okay, well, I didn't know that.
Hey, Green Team.
Time for the egg race! Get the fuck out of here, Dean! But the egg race is about to start.
- Fuck you! - Whoa, whoa! Bro! Bro! Bro! Bro! Bro! Whoa! Fuck! What's up, dude? Just talk to me.
It's this job! I don't know who I am anymore.
Oh my god.
Me neither.
I thought I was gonna be you.
And now you don't know who you are, I forget who I was.
Dude, we should just quit, right now.
Quit? I've got a house coming, I just bought a baby.
I need this job more than I hate it.
We're trapped! Hey! Wow, you're, uh, you're done early.
What's wrong now? Miriam I'm really worried about Danny.
Danny? Annie Annie! Annie Can you stop? - No, I have to get home! - Annie, stop! I have children! Maybe you can afford to go do blackout drugs Stop! Please! Okay, we're not gonna make it today, that's obvious.
So we'll look for a spot, we'll settle in.
We're gonna sleep in the forest? Yes, we are! We're not gonna go tramping around the woods in the middle of the night in the dark.
That's not gonna happen.
You understand me? Then, tomorrow, I'll find you a nice highway, I'll get you home, I promise, Annie.
Don't worry about it.
Okay? Can we have a fire? It's a bit late for that now.
We'll be a little cold, but then we'll huddle up and we'll be okay.
Huddle up? Yeah, to keep warm.
Right.
Come in! Hey? Doesn't that feel good? No.
Why are we here? 'Cause, bro, you know? Today you got me thinkin'.
It's just that this is the last place I was happy.
What, did you rape a hobo in here? I shot a sci-fi movie here.
Cryo Games III, I was the star! It was awesome, we shot it here, man.
Look, I demanded a Barcalounger and they fuckin' got it for me! Yeah Look, I mean, they left all this shit here.
I mean, check this out, look at this.
Space suits! That's pretty cool.
Dude, this, look at this.
Space rocks? Gravity means fuck all here! There's, like Oh, look at this! Laser! Space laser gun like Check it.
We could take all this, and we could, like make a web series No! I told Shandra I quit acting.
I have to make money! Web series make millions of dollars.
It's the internet, man.
I mean, it's the new fucking gold rush! I can't! Wait, look at this! Whoa! This is cool.
Green screen! Look! Looks crappy.
Josh, just get over here, you gotta see it from here! No, I can't act! I'm not allowed! - Fine - Shandra said no! - I know, but-- - No acting! Josh, look Fine.
Look Looks like there's danger in that space box! Dude, Space Box.
That's a million dollar title.
- Is it? - Yes! - Yes! - Yes! - We're back, right? - Yes! Fuckin' genius.
Fuck you, work! You asleep? No, I can't stop thinking about my kids.
They must be worried sick.
I am so sorry, Annie.
I relapsed.
They've got a way of really fucking things up with people you like.
Ah, it's done.
Did you learn astronomy in Scouts? Yeah.
What are we lookin' at? "What are we lookin' at"? Yeah.
Well, you can see Ursa Major from here.
There's the bear, it's right above us almost.
Can you see it? No.
Here, give me your hand.
All right.
There's the head.
There's the ass, right there.
You see the bear? You see the bear, right? I don't see a bear.
All I see are stars.
Well, that's not too bad.
So you don't have anything to say? You guys are such hypocrites.
So Uzi sells a little bit.
Other than that, he's totally legit.
Danny, you're filing the serial numbers off this bike! Duh, that's what bike techs do, dummy! Sheldon! Cervelo's a great bike.
Family and friends discount.
You make me an offer.
Just wondering if I can get one with a serial number.
Mind your own business.
Danny, why don't you come with me? - No thank you.
- He's working.
Ah! Jim? Jim! - Jim! - Annie! Ta-da! Look at this! Where did you get that? I heard a car around this morning, I just go over that ridge right there, and there's a strip mall.
- Oh, yummy! - Good, huh? - Oh, did you call my family? - Oh, yeah, I did.
They didn't answer, so I left a message.
- Is that okay? - Good, thank you! Thank you! - Want to get going? - Absolutely! Well, let's go! - Jim, we're saved! - Well, of course I told you we would be.
Hello? Hello! I'm home! Mummy's home! I'm all right! Do I look awful? No, not to me.
Hello? - I'm home! - Hello? Hello? They're out looking for me, they're checking the hospitals.
Oh, my phone! There's no texts, no messages What about the landline, did you check the landline? Message one Hi Annie, I tidied up a bit, but I wasn't sure where your punchbowl with the glasses goes, so they're on the counter.
Also, I dropped off the chairs, and I paid for them.
Is it shitty-- Message two Oh, hey! Clara, Sheldon, whoever-- This is Jim Sheridan.
Mom's okay, Annie's okay-- No one called No one fucking noticed that I was gone? Doesn't look that way.
I'm their mother! I could have been injured, or I could have been lying in a ditch somewhere.
But you were lying in a ditch, and you're okay.
I have been gone for two days! It's normal in a lot of families.
I'm sorry, do you need to call someone? No.
Yeah, okay The cab.
Uh, do you need some money? Oh, no, no Annie Totally my pleasure.
I'll see ya later.
Okay! All right! And the name of the series will be Space Box.
It's about a box in space? - God damn it.
- No, Dean Look, I didn't want to play this card, but you guys were kind of phoning it in - during the egg race, so - It was just an egg race.
First it's just an egg race, and then it's "just work".
As your superior, don't think I don't notice.
Are you blackmailing us? This is me asking you nicely, as a co-worker and a friend, to not make me blackmail you.
- Okay - Fuck, all right.
Okay, that's good! One So, Goran? I know nothing about making a TV show.
Well, it's not a TV show, it's a web series.
I know nothing about making a web series.
- Fuck, dude - God damn it.
Do you have any skills? In my country, I was a doctor.
Okay, well, you could be the camera man and the medic.
Medic? Okay.
We do this thing tomorrow morning? No, the magic takes place at night.
But I use night time to sleep.
Sleeping is for pussies, so meet us at this address at midnight because tomorrow we are going to make internet history! Danny, we're not done! Danny! Danny Look, I know Uzi got a little up tight last night, but we're all friends.
No, you and I are friends.
Uzi's not anymore.
Are you askin' me to fuckin' quit? You can go to jail! I know you know it's seriously wrong! Okay, shut up! 'Cause Fine, I'll quit.
Yes! Just go get paid and get the fuck outta there.
I was really, really good at this job.
I know.
Just do it anywhere else.
Sheldon is so sweet.
And you cheated on your wife with his aunt, and now I've cheated on him with you, and well, you're just beyond disgusting.
Are you even listening? Yes, but I have this part memorized.
And you're married.
And I knew that when we did it! Why are we stopped? Because you want to leave.
You have made that abundantly clear! But you can't leave unless you get out of the car.
How 'bout fuck you? Miriam, I'm sorry.
I really am, I'm sorry.
This is the first time that a fucked up, whatever, all right, is happening to you.
This kind of shit happens to me all the time.
In fact, that's all that ever happens to me.
Hey, guess what! I'm fucked up.
I'm fucked up too.
We're so fucked up! Hey, let's fuck! Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh! Wow, great! Now we're totally fucked! You're an incredibly beautiful girl, and you are in an incredibly fucked up space right now, and you know how you get out of a fucked up space? - How? - I don't know! I was hoping you could tell me! Okay? Okay.
Bye-bye.
If I come back tomorrow, can you please promise we won't fool around? No! Miriam, grow up! If you show up, it's 'cause you want to.
God I'm so fucked up.
See you tomorrow Look, still here! All right! My boy's workin' late.
Truin' the wheel up.
You know how to break a lock? Maybe.
Bullshit, you don't.
Can't be that hard.
It isn't.
I'll show you.
You got another job? Yeah, bartending with Eric.
With Eric? Where? Downtown restaurant.
It's open super late.
What's it called? Grandma's.
They just renamed it-- You're working too hard.
When I'm finished my day-trading course, we'll be able to afford two homes.
Hey, your only job is to grow that baby.
Oh Mom, we need more apple sauce.
All right, I'll put it on the list.
Oh, hey, Annie, did you get that message about the chairs? - Is that okay? - Yes, it's fine.
Great.
Hi, Jim.
Clara Blechers Driving School It's kind of like the last two days never even happened, isn't it? Annie Annie-- Annie! Geez, what did you do to piss her off? Smokey Smokey Smokey! I'm right here, Commander.
What's wrong, Commander? I'm almost out of oxygen, and I wanted you to know, Smokey, that if anything happens to me, you can eat me.
Don't talk like that, sir! Eat me No, look! Now, there's an asteroid right there! Swim, damn you! Swim!