Lucifer (2016) s04e06 Episode Script
Orgy Pants to Work
1 ["CRADLE" BY DOE PLAYING.]
We were better on the first time Love was simple as a mother and a baby child Then you rocked our cradle and we fell in love [BELL RINGS.]
Laying wide awake Tell me how could I Forget all the words to a lullaby We've fallen, fallen in love Lucifer! There it is.
Ah.
[SNIFFS.]
Maze! Just in time! You can take my place on the sex swing for the second half.
Let's rather turn that frown upside down on the rack.
- I'm sure Nigel won't mind.
- Seriously? You haven't had a decent orgy in years.
I leave town for two seconds and you Fifty Shades of betray me.
Actually, you've been gone for months.
But no need to descend into orgy FOMO.
This, what you see here, this is just a school night shenanigans.
Why don't you come back on Saturday when things get really freaky? - Bye, Anna.
Bye, Fred.
- [WHIP CRACKS.]
Everyone hydrates! Hostess rules.
Nobody passes out unless they want to.
Hmm.
Who's the new girl? - [RING OF METAL.]
- Oh! I'm not new.
And you can't handle this.
Mm, you'd be surprised.
[CHUCKLES.]
Calm down, Maze.
There's no need to get poky.
Maze? As in Mazikeen of the Lilim? [GASPS, LAUGHS.]
Wow! I am so grateful to you.
I mean This world is full of dumb-ass rules.
You know, "No drugs for breakfast," or "Put on some clothes," but you.
For years you have been the keeper of Lucifer's devilish flame.
He just forgot to mention you are so damn hot! I like her.
I am so glad, because I'm going to have to exit orgy left, I'm afraid.
- What? - I know sugar plum, but mandatory meeting at work.
Can't be helped.
Mm-hmm [KISSES.]
["PISTOL" BY BEASTS WITH NO NAMEÂ PLAYING.]
I got a hot knife And a tight collar So, I'm standing there, buck naked, and then, when I take my blindfold off, I realize my naughty girlfriend has only snuck us into the aquarium after hours.
[GIGGLES.]
Next thing I know, we are tangled in a touch pool like a pair of randy merpeople.
It was so Shape of Water.
Wow! That just made my bucket list.
Oh, and Eve did this thing with a conch shell.
It was very creative.
- I'll draw you a diagram if you - No! We are good.
We get it.
I feel like I am right there with you.
Detective, when you said you were fine hearing about my romantic life with Eve Still am.
Super fine.
Fine with the aquarium story, fine with the vat of melted chocolate story, with the boning the entire cast - of Cirque du Soleil story.
- True.
[CHLOE.]
And I, personally, I can't get enough, because it's awesome.
But right now, I'm trying to concentrate.
[FEMALE VOICE.]
Lucifer! You brought donuts.
Oh, Rookie Joan, I thought a few sweet treats might help these pesky morning meetings go a little easier.
Mondays, am I right? [CHUCKLES.]
It's Wednesday.
- Is it? - Ah-ha.
So I completely missed the tutorial on the new computer system? Mm.
It's probably for the best.
Oh.
Oh gosh, no! I'm so sorry.
[CHUCKLES.]
I seem to have picked up the candy dandy rave donuts instead of the regular glazed ones.
One bite of this and you'd be riding the rainbow unicorn for days.
Come to think of it, I just realized what happened to Monday and Tuesday.
[CHLOE.]
Lucifer, if you'd really like to help, we can get into these case files.
- Why don't we do that? - [PHONE BUZZES.]
Oh, I would love to, detective, but I'm gonna have to rain check.
Promised Eve I'd be home in time for the naughty raffle.
[BANG.]
Honey, I'm home! [RATTLE.]
Who replaced my knife caddy with this tiny torture device? [AMENADIEL.]
Hello, Mazikeen.
I've been helping Linda out with a lot of things while you've been hunting bounties for months.
I wasn't hunting bounties, Amenadiel.
Never mind.
What else changed while I was gone? Hi! [MAZE.]
Linda! You're fat! Well, good luck with all of this.
- Linda, I'll see you tonight at Lamaze.
- Okay.
What in La-what now? Lamaze.
It's a baby class for mom and partner.
Oh.
Not mom, partner and demon.
So Please don't get any ideas.
- Maybe you can come to the next one.
- Whatever.
You know what I've been hunting all these months? [MAZE.]
This.
For the baby.
Hope you like it.
[HINGES SQUEAK.]
[DOOR SLAMS.]
I'm sure Lucifer will be here soon.
Lucky us! Maybe this time he'll show up with a kilo of coke.
Or another Mexican wrestler.
- That was a scheduling issue.
- More like a life issue.
As in you cannot live the life that he lives and still work with the LAPD.
Daniel, figure it out.
I know things have been off with Lucifer, but when it comes to the job, he's got it covered.
I'm sure.
[CHLOE.]
Ella, what do we have? [ELLA.]
John Doe.
Died on impact after being pushed out of that window up there.
One day, he is just living his life.
The next, bam! Smashed.
Like a bug on a windshield.
[LUCIFER.]
Sorry I'm late, got a little tied up at home.
But don't worry, I'll be all business from here on out.
- [CHLOE.]
Great.
- [LUCIFER.]
Right, what do we got? And a party in the back! Lucifer, we are at a crime scene.
Oh! Oh, dear.
[LAUGHS.]
I've worn my orgy pants to work, haven't I? [LAUGHS.]
Okay.
Crisis averted, detective.
- Seriously? - Yeah.
Anyhow, Ms.
Bassich here was telling us - about our victim, Gary Van Blunt.
- Oh.
Best auditor I ever had.
- [PHONE BEEPS.]
- Hard worker, detail-oriented bit of a bore in personality department - if you know what I mean.
- [PHONE BEEPS.]
And you said that Gary's laptop was missing.
Do you know if there was any sensitive information on it or any reason someone would want to steal it or keep it from getting out? What Gary had on that laptop - could've shut down dozens of businesses.
- [PHONE BEEPS.]
Did you ever receive any threats here at the office? Gary did mention someone was actually following him, though.
- [PHONE CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING.]
- Home, work, home.
Work, home, work Yes, I understand.
Are there security cameras here on the premises or an overnight guard, possibly, that could have seen anything? [PHONE BEEPS.]
- Lucifer.
- Mm.
I think we may have a lead.
[CHLOE CLEARS THROAT.]
LAPD.
Detective Decker.
Hi.
Oh.
Sorry.
I know it's sad or whatever, but Big Nose Brown Shoes in that pose is the most artistically stimulating thing I've seen out here, well, ever.
Big Nose Brown Shoes? I don't know their names, so - So, do you draw here regularly? - Every day on my lunch break.
You know, so my soul doesn't die up there in the cubicle.
Do you happen to have any more drawings of Mr.
Van or Big Nose Brown Shoes? Thank you.
So, this guy here.
He is in a lot of your drawings.
Square Jaw Buzz Cut.
What about him? Do you know if he knew Big Nose Brown Shoes? I don't think so.
But I did wonder if he had a crush on Big Nose, though.
'Cause he was always, like, watching him.
Your work is very good.
Do you ever do nudes? - Couples, perhaps? - Okay, thank you.
I will need to hold on to this one, but we are done here.
Thank you.
- [LUCIFER.]
Thank you.
- [CHLOE.]
Thank you very much.
[LUCIFER SIGHS.]
Okay, Lucifer, I need to talk to you.
Your extracurricular activities are starting to hinder our job.
There is a dead man right there and you showing up to his murder scene in assless slacks is not only disrespectful to the LAPD, it is disrespectful to him.
So if you can't take what we do seriously, then maybe you shouldn't be here.
No, I understand, detective, and I apologize.
I haven't been at my best today.
But I do take our work, our partnership, very seriously.
In fact, I hereby promise that the personal shall interfere with the professional no more.
- [PHONE RINGS.]
- Sorry.
- [PHONE RINGS.]
- Yeah, I Silent from here on in, you won't even know that I have a personal life.
[PHONE BUZZING.]
[BELL RINGS.]
- [BUMP.]
- [SIGHS.]
- Does no one need a demon today? - [EVE.]
I could use one.
Lucifer and I were supposed to bake and Drake tonight.
You know Like, really bakes and watch a Drake concert.
But he had to go back to work.
I'm really happy he has a job, I am.
But I just didn't think he would be there all the time.
Yeah, used to drive me nuts too.
Until I got a life.
Smashing heads, hunting bounties.
You know, my own thing.
I don't want to do my own thing.
You know, I happen to have some free time on my hands today.
Why don't we do our own thing together? I'm sure Lucifer will be back any minute.
Or maybe he won't.
You are Eve! You are the first best party girl ever! Are you gonna sit at home waiting for your man or are you going to come and party with me? Well, I do like to party.
- [CRACK.]
- Yeah, you do! Something on that pretty little face of yours.
["I ONLY SPEAK IN FRICTION" BY PLAGUE VENDOR PLAYING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[CRASH.]
Hello, brother.
[LAUGHS.]
It's good to see you, Remiel.
[AMENADIEL LAUGHS.]
So, what brings you to Earth? Silver City run out of stags to hunt, you need a break from Castiel singing, or you just miss your big bro? I wish I was here for such frivolous reasons.
But we have a problem.
For the first time in millennia I've sensed a new Celestial.
A baby! Right here in Los Angeles.
But you already knew that.
Didn't you, brother? [BELL RINGS.]
Oh, gosh! Who is ready to bake and Drake? Lucifer.
Doctor.
Yes, well, I'm afraid you've missed the festivities.
But if you like to come back Saturday I came because you've canceled three therapy sessions.
I want to make sure you are okay.
Oh, no, I'm fine.
I'm more than fine, actually.
Living my best life on all fronts.
Balancing work and pleasure like like a finely calibrated machine.
You You haven't seen a tiny divine brunette, have you? "You didn't show, so I went out with Maze.
Hope you are not dead.
Eve.
" Well, I admit there are still a few kinks to work out.
Speaking of, if you'll excuse me.
It can't be easy all these years upholding human law.
Eve will love this.
Exploring your caring, altruistic side with Chloe "us to enjoy together" and now being in a committed relationship with Eve, who expects you to be your - old hedonistic devil self at all times - Apologies detective.
Now, how many times can he program this thing to say "Ever"? [SIGHS.]
Thank you.
When you bifurcate your life this way, good and bad, crime solver and orgy host you're effectively denying half of yourself all of the time.
Lucifer, if you don't stop pulling yourself in opposite directions, you're going to come undone.
[LAUGHS.]
What? That is preposterous.
I mean, I finally got everything I ever wanted.
I've got a girlfriend who accepts, nay, appreciates that I'm the devil, makes every waking moment a non-stop bacchanal, and then, there's work.
And I don't need to tell you how important that is to me.
No, you don't.
So you see why I'm no longer in need of therapy, doctor.
Perfection achieved.
Is that why you spent the last few minutes ordering apology gifts for both Eve and Chloe? [PHONE BUZZES.]
Oh.
Well, I'm sorry, but we're going to have to leave it there, doctor.
There appears to have been a break in the case.
[LUCIFER.]
My goodness.
[BANG.]
[FOOTSTEPS.]
[LUCIFER, KNOCKING.]
Detective! Hi.
- [WHISPERS.]
Lucifer, get in the car! - [DOOR CLICKS.]
Sorry I'm late, okay? What have we got? Ella ran a facial recognition on the sketch of Gary's stalker and got a hit.
I guy named Vince Walker, ex-marine, and we couldn't get a physical address, but his name is registered to that car.
So we're on a stakeout.
Undercover.
Understood, detective.
You can count on me.
I'll not take my eyes off that vehicle.
Come now, brother.
We both knew it was only a matter of time before this happened.
We did? Of course, there was bound to be a child eventually, because of all the meaningless sexual encounters.
I wouldn't say they were meaningless.
Please.
Our brother Lucifer is a What do they call it here? A slut.
Lucifer? You're here because you think Lucifer has fathered a half-human child? [REMY.]
Must have been difficult for you.
Bearing the burden of Lucifer secret alone in order to protect him.
But I'm here now, brother.
Together, we can put an end to this madness.
Oh whoa, whoa, Remy.
What do you mean exactly by "put an end to it"? As we both know, it's forbidden for humans and celestials to intermingle in an amorous manner.
The child shouldn't exist.
The child is innocent.
Exactly! Which is why we must find the child, snatch it up and take it to Heaven for the rest of eternity.
[THUD.]
Remy, put your wings away! Humans aren't supposed to see them.
Right! I forgot! Please slow time so these barely sentient creatures won't see us fly away.
Well, I can't slow time.
Because that would be too easy.
Look, this is our first brother-sister hunt in over a millennia.
Why not make it a proper challenge? [LAUGHS.]
You are right! To the challenge! Where might we find the kind of human woman that Lucifer would impregnate? Actually I know exactly where to start.
But perhaps we should begin with a change of clothes.
[SIGHS.]
Lucifer, I'm sorry that I was hard on you before.
You know, we We all have our personal lives and I go to parent-teacher conferences and you host sex parties, so To each their own.
Look, as long as you continue to wear actual pants to work then, if you're happy, I'm happy.
[LUCIFER SNORES.]
[LUCIFER SNORES.]
[LUCIFER SNORES.]
You know, I'm not happy.
Of course I want you to be happy.
But the way that you are happy It makes me uncomfortable.
It makes me feel sick, to be honest.
And yes, sometimes it makes me jealous.
So I hate the way you are happy.
And there it is.
[SMACKS.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Fetch me the goat! No, in the hat.
We need to make sure this is the guy.
[FOOTSTEPS.]
[WOMAN SCREAMS.]
I think he is the guy.
[SCREAMING.]
Help! Fire! No, no! There you go.
Big, strong donkey kicks.
Now locate the trunk release.
[CHLOE.]
LAPD.
Step away from the victim! And stop giving her notes? Vincent Walker.
You mind? We're kind of in the middle of something here.
[LADY.]
Is this a part of the scenario? [LADY.]
'Cause we haven't done crossfire drills yet.
I need to give it a shot.
[VINCENT.]
You can put the gun away, detective.
I run a K and R outfit.
Kidnap and ransom.
[SLAMS TRUNK.]
We offer abduction survival courses for frequent travelers like Joyce here.
[JOYCE.]
They are the best in the business.
My employer pays for everybody in the Bogota office to get kidnapped at least once.
[MOUTHS.]
It's my third time.
Quite a thrill-seeker, aren't you? Okay, who payed you to kidnap Gary Van Blunt? As usual, you cops have it all wrong.
Our parent company payed Mr.
Van Blunt to audit us.
That was a formality.
Typical government red tape.
Then he accused me of paying off Bolivian border guards.
- And were you? - Of course he was.
[VINCENT.]
Damn right I was.
To keep my clients safe.
Everyone in my line of work does.
I told Gary his goody two shoes routine could cost real people their lives, - but he wouldn't listen.
- So, you murdered him.
What? No.
I tailed him a little.
Hoped to scare him into shutting up.
From home to work and not much else.
The poor sav was the human equivalent of watching paint dry.
Until he wasn't.
Couple of days ago he breaks routine.
Takes off in a Malibu Canyon.
I lost him.
Cops pulled me over for speeding.
And I suppose you have an alibi for last night at 12:30.
As it happens, I was on a three-day mission to Cape Town.
Flew into LAX a couple of hours ago.
Are we good? Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Well, that was a bust.
But now we know how Gary spent the last day of his life.
In the 5,800 acres of Malibu Canyon.
Alright, I'm going to go back to the precinct.
I'm going to work up a list of what homes and businesses we canvas first.
Why don't you go home and get some sleep? Nonsense, detective.
I've already had my cat nap.
I insist you go home and get some rest and I'll burn the midnight oil at the station.
You're offering to do hours of tedious research? I want to do whatever it takes to secure justice for poor boring Gary.
Detective, recent missteps aside, you should know, when I'm on the job, the job has my complete devotion.
Thank you, Lucifer.
That means a lot.
So, I'll see you tomorrow.
Bright and early.
[BOTH GIGGLING.]
Oh, girl, don't even start.
[EVE.]
It's just that when he leaves me hanging like this Reminds me of Adam.
You know I was his second wife, right? Literally created for the guy and our entire marriage he was just pining over wife number uno.
"Lilith tamed the beasts of the night.
" Stupid, perfect Lilith.
She wasn't perfect.
Oh, my God.
My God.
I'm so sorry.
I completely forgot that she was your mother.
Yes, so did she.
[BELL RINGS.]
I've got a package for Eve from Lucifer.
[EVE SCREAMS.]
Oh, my God! What is it? Oh, my I don't get it.
- You - Oh, this guy.
Okay, I know.
[PRINTER STARTS UP.]
[PRINTER WHIRRING.]
Oh, look.
There is a card.
You really need a card to know who that's from? Right.
- Lucifer! - [SMACK.]
Uh? "For us to enjoy together"? I mean, this must be for someone else.
[LAUGHS.]
No, for us to enjoy together.
The precinct.
That's why this young lady would make a great decoy.
Or keep Daniel company on long stakeouts.
- You know what? Enough! - [ELLA.]
Hey, guys! The suit doesn't fit! Literally or figuratively.
The clothes Gary Van Blunt died in were, like, two sizes too big and a tax bracket more expensive than anything else in his closet.
They weren't his.
Wait, so the killer forced Gary to change clothes before they pushed him out the window, but why? Er No, I don't think they made him change clothes.
I think they made him put clothes on.
Found something on the map last night.
If you combine it with Miss Lopez's findings [LUCIFER CHUCKLES.]
I think I know where Gary was when the killer snatched him.
Oh, my gosh! Can I please come? [CHLOE.]
This is perfect.
Just perfect.
So cool! Sorry, but rules are rules.
You want to go inside, you got to get naked.
Either that or get a warrant.
Fine, I'll get a warrant.
Lucifer! When in Rome, detective.
Please, put some clothes on.
We are professionals.
Ella, see if you can get a warrant from Judge Beckers.
- Bucket list? - [LUCIFER.]
Don't worry, detective.
Miss Lopez and I are on the case.
[LUCIFER.]
You don't happen to recognize this unfortunate-looking chap? [GUY.]
Mm.
Don't recognize him.
Do you have any pictures of him without his clothes on? Of course I know Gary! He is the sweetest thing.
He's almost as sweet as my mango coladas.
Do you want one or two? I just can't believe Gary's gone! He's only been coming for a couple of months, but he really found his happy place here.
And how could you tell he was happy? Oh, don't worry.
We know.
[LADY.]
And he was to active in the community.
Chess club, book club.
He even offered to help us all with our taxes.
Hold on.
You are saying that Gary was an avid nudist and a devoted accountant? Naturalists come in all forms.
In our community, we have teachers, judges, scientists.
What about enemies? Did Gary have anyone he butted heads with in the community? Oh, Gary didn't have a contrary bone in his naked butt.
I can't imagine him saying a harsh word to anybody.
[GUY.]
Except maybe to Julian.
Remember? We saw them arguing in the meditation yurt.
I couldn't understand exactly what they were saying, I didn't have my hearing aids in.
But it looked heated.
And Julian is Julian McCaffrey.
Son of the late Willow McCaffrey.
The founder of Willow's Glenn.
[GUY.]
Julian inherited this place after his mother died, but he's nothing like her.
He's brought in drugs and prostitutes.
[LADY.]
Well, we are not sure they are prostitutes.
[GUY.]
Come on, Annie, you know as well as I do.
That millennial pervert has turned out little slice of heaven into a devil's playground.
Well, I'll be the judge of that.
Welcome to the VIP lounge.
Speaking of which, you two are not at all what I pictured when I heard that cops were here.
Who knows? - We're not cops.
- We're not cops.
- I'm actually a forensic scientist.
- And I'm the devil.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, hey I wanted to say how sorry I was when I heard about Gary.
He is going to be missed by the entire community.
Cut the crap.
We know you two argued in the meditation yurt the day he died.
[JULIAN.]
Well, it's not what you think.
I hate to speak ill of the dead, but Gary He was coming on pretty strong to some of our more attractive female members, making them uncomfortable.
So I had to give him some firm advice.
Probably did him a favour, honestly.
How altruistic of you.
My point is that the last time I saw Gary, he was alive, and well, and still trying to bat out of his league.
[GIRLS GIGGLE.]
So, if I can help you with anything else, I'm starting to prune.
[CHLOE.]
Yeah, you are.
What are you? A size 34 pant, 13 shoe? Good guess.
Why? You are under arrest.
Oh, and the precinct has a strong no-nudity policy, so put on some clothes.
And you too.
[MUFFLED NIGHTCLUB MUSIC PLAYING.]
How can human women wear these torture devices? - What are they called? - Jeans.
[SIGHS.]
How could Lucifer ever procreate with these jeans-laden humans? They are selfish and greedy.
And they smell wrong.
Well, Remy Perhaps Lucifer discovered that not all humans are selfish, greedy and smelly.
Perhaps he even met one that was rather special.
One that helped him learn things about himself, and the universe that he never would have learned without her.
Hmm.
Yeah.
I'm just guessing about Lucifer.
- Yeah.
- [PHONE BUZZES.]
[PHONE DINGS.]
Advertisements.
Greedy humans.
[LAUGHS.]
[WOMAN YELLS.]
[GASPING.]
[WOMAN 2.]
Good job, you're doing a great job.
- [MAN.]
Okay, honey.
- Alright, Courtney, push.
[WOMAN SCREAMS.]
[MAN.]
Hey, hey.
It's all the way, honey.
[WOMAN 2.]
There you go! [SCREAMING.]
[CLICK.]
[FEMALE VOICE.]
 And that is what the birth process looks like up close.
Any questions? Yeah! Can we see the part about the torn perineum again, please? Erm Giving the time restraints, perhaps it's best we move on to infant care.
Let's feed our babies.
Now, whether your choice is breast or bottle, what's most important is the intimate bonding time you're spending with your little angel.
In your arms, your baby will feel safe, and satiated and, most of all, loved.
Your babies will only be babies for a short time, but the bonds they form with you now are the foundation for healthy and nurturing relationships.
That was beautiful, wasn't it? I'm so glad you are here, Maze.
Maze? So it's a coincidence that the shoes and clothes Gary Van Brunt died in match your sizes and favorite label exactly? Not to mention you were seen arguing with him on the day he was murdered.
Things aren't looking good for you, Julian.
Yeah, I'm not too worried.
Oh.
Why is that? Three.
- Two.
- [DOOR CLICKS.]
Judge's order.
Release our client on his own recognizance.
What happened to the two million dollars bail? Already paid in full.
Well, this was fun, but I've got a naked limbo contest to judge at four, so Hey, how did he get away with this? Yeah, McCaffrey? That's his mom's maiden's name.
- Guess who his dad is.
- I don't know.
- Jacob Tierning.
- As in Tierning Shipping? That's right.
The guy practically owns every port on Pacific.
Well, that explains the confidence.
One whiff of trouble and daddy bails him out.
Yeah, with the money they left behind, the guy is practically untouchable.
No one's untouchable.
Eve! Eve? [EVE.]
Hey.
I I got you something too for us to enjoy [LAUGHS.]
together.
[SIGHS.]
Look, I know you are angry [EVE.]
I'm not angry.
I mean, I was.
But then I had a lot of time to think.
And I realize I used to be just like you, with Adam.
I wanted Adam to love me so badly that I devoted myself to becoming something I wasn't.
In order to please him.
I wanted to be Adam's ideal woman.
But then I realized something.
I was never going to be Adam's ideal woman because, spoiler alert I'm not Lilith.
I am me.
Yeah, I spent so much time trying to be whatever Adam wanted me to be that I never once stopped to think what I wanted, who I had been all along.
Guess who helped me figure that out? If is not me, this is a terrible story.
It was you.
Lucifer, I was created from someone else's rib.
I am literally a subset of another person.
But you helped me realize that I can become my own person.
You set me free.
I just want to do the same for you.
[SIGHS.]
I see you pretending to be something that you're not.
You don't have to.
You're already perfect.
You think I'm pretending to be something I'm not? Don't you? What? I have to go.
It's a break in the case.
Sorry.
[CHLOE.]
What's the son of a power broker like Jacob Tierning doing running his mother's hippy nudist retreat? Well, according to Jacob's super unauthorized bio, Julian is the black sheep of the Tierning family.
Out of control partying, multiple run-ins with the law.
I mean this says Jacob cut him off years ago.
Except for the fact that he keeps sending lawyers to clean up Julian's messes.
What is any of these have to do with Gary? I mean, he wasn't auditing the nudist retreat or any of the Tierning businesses, right? So then what motive could Julian possibly have to murder him? Step aside, Daniel, because I've just blown this case wide open.
Just found this note in this pocket.
And this is the suit that I wore or, more accurately, didn't wear at the nudist colony.
Someone must have put it in there before I got my clothes back.
Miss Lopes, do you remember a woman named Marigold? [DAN.]
Seriously? For all we know, someone could have put it in there at one of your latest sex parties.
Have you ever been to a sex party, Daniel? We don't pass notes to each other.
I don't need to go to sex parties Guys, guys! Marigold wasn't a woman.
It's one of Tierning's ships.
And the Marigold docks in Saint Pedro tonight.
That can't be a coincidence.
[SHIP'S HORN BLASTS.]
You awake? [LAUGHS.]
Very funny, detective.
You know, we wouldn't have gotten this far without you.
You did good, Lucifer.
Do you think I'm different when I'm at work to when I'm not at work? Mm I think we are all a little different at work.
You know, trying to put our best foot forward and But you think the person I'm trying to be at work is Ah, I don't know, dishonest? Do you like work? I do.
I like work very much.
Work makes me want to be a better man, but if I've never been that man before, then is it even real? [CHLOE.]
Well, I mean, I think people are growing and changing all the time.
I mean, look at me.
Fifteen years ago, I was naked in a hot tub.
- Mm, still one of my favorite films.
- Well The point is I never would've pictured myself as a detective or a mom, or a person with so many sensible brown shoes.
- So many.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Yeah.
It just feels right.
So I think if what you are doing and who you are at work feels right, then I think you know it's real.
[VAN BREAKS SQUEAL.]
- [MAN.]
They're here.
- [MAN 2.]
Good.
Here we go.
- Hey, Vince.
- Where are the ladies? Let's go.
[SIGHS.]
[MAN.]
Come on, move! So, Julian was using daddy's shipping company as what, slave transport.
Detective Decker requesting backup in what looks a human trafficking situation.
Gary must've found out somehow.
And Julian killed him before Gary could expose the operation.
We can't let him get away.
We won't! [CAR DOOR RATTLES.]
[DOOR SLAMS.]
[FOOTSTEPS.]
LAPD! Hands in the air! [GUNSHOTS.]
- [GUNSHOTS.]
- [WOMEN SCREAM.]
[GUNSHOTS.]
[SIRENS WAIL.]
- [GUY YELLS.]
- [TIRES SQUEALING.]
Julian, cops over there.
[THUMP.]
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
LAPD! Drop your weapon! - [COP.]
Don't move! - [CHLOE.]
On the ground, now! [COP.]
Hands where we can see them! Lucifer, Julian is getting away! [BANG.]
[MACHINERY STARTING.]
[CRASH.]
Julian, you're a slippery one, aren't you? But then again, most cockroaches are.
[JULIAN GRUNTS.]
[JULIAN.]
No! No! [CHLOE.]
Hey, guys, listen up.
I need you all to fan out and find McCaffrey.
Now! Medics, we got victims over there, by the van.
Go! [MACHINERY ROARS.]
You are not so cocky now, without daddy's lawyers around, are you? Tell me, does he know what you've been up to? Do you think my dad is any better than me? [GROANS.]
He's a wolf in sheep's clothing.
I'm in a fancy suit and a big smile [GROANS.]
but at least I admit I'm a wolf.
I mean, what kind of man pretends to be something he isn't? [JULIAN GROANS, YELLS.]
[WHOOSH.]
It's your lucky day.
I decided to leave your punishment to the police.
- [THUMP.]
- [BUZZER GOES.]
[CLATTER.]
Freeze! [CLATTER.]
LAPD, don't move! [CRASH.]
No, no! No! [PLAYING "GOLDEN SHORE" BY KYLE NEAL.]
I can't believe you let him go.
For once I agree with you.
You think you're helping Lucifer, but you're not.
You're a wrecking ball and everything you touch turns to shit.
First Charlotte, now Joan.
When will you learn? Hmm? You're not one of the good guys.
There's a house on their property.
Got it.
Thanks, Maze.
[BELL RINGS.]
[EVE.]
You okay? What happened? [LUCIFER.]
You may have been right about me.
I tried to be something I wasn't and a very bad man got away Killed again.
[LUCIFER SIGHS.]
It was all my fault.
[EVE.]
Sounds like it was the man's fault to me.
Who is this guy anyway? Murderer, human trafficker, destroyer of lives on the loose.
Well you can't let him get away with that.
He should be punished.
By me, you mean? Honestly, I'm not sure I have it in me anymore.
It's not true.
You will always have it in you.
You are the devil.
Yes.
Yes, I am.
[MUFFLED NIGHTCLUB MUSIC.]
It's not her.
[REMY.]
I think you're stalling, aren't you? Don't tell me Lucifer's misplaced love of humans has rubbed off on you.
Of course not.
Yes.
The never-ending talk of free will while you were in Silver City.
Brother, you are the one who taught me that humans are inconsequential.
Well, I was wrong, Remy.
They are living, breathing beings created by our father.
And I promise you I won't hurt the child.
Even if it is half human.
And what about the mother? I know we are not allowed to kill humans.
So I'll be very careful where I cut.
You're not cutting anywhere.
You know this human, don't you, brother? Are you protecting her? Yes, I am.
I'm protecting her and I'm protecting my child.
Yours? [WHISPERS.]
"To your baby.
" [SIGHS.]
[CLATTER OF METAL.]
[MAZE.]
It's a baby blanket.
My mother, Lilith Let's just say she wasn't mom of the year.
I was trying to think of something to give your baby.
Something I would have wanted when I was small.
Took me a while to figure out what that was, but I guess this is it.
Look I know I'm not mom, or partner or whatever.
But I No.
[LINDA.]
No, you're not.
Come here.
You are Auntie Maze.
And you will always be a member of this family.
[GULPS.]
[DRAWER RATTLES.]
[TING.]
[GUN COCKS.]
[SIGHS.]
What is it with you? Gotta made me kill somebody else? Well, how many is it, then? I mean, I know about Gary.
And Joan.
But what about the women you've been trafficking? How many of their lives have you taken? How many have you destroyed in service of your greed? [PANTS.]
Those girls came from nothing.
Starving in their villages.
Sold by their relatives or stupid enough to believe that people are just handing out fresh new lives here in America.
They were broken dolls before they ever got on those ships.
[GUNSHOTS.]
[GROANS.]
What? Who who are you? [HISSES.]
I've been wondering how to punish you, Julian.
And now I know.
What? [LUCIFER GROWLS.]
[THUMP.]
[JULIAN COUGHING.]
[JULIAN GROANS.]
- [CRACK.]
- [JULIAN YELLS.]
[JULIAN CHOKES.]
You asked what I am.
I'm the devil.
Yes.
This feels just right.
We were better on the first time Love was simple as a mother and a baby child Then you rocked our cradle and we fell in love [BELL RINGS.]
Laying wide awake Tell me how could I Forget all the words to a lullaby We've fallen, fallen in love Lucifer! There it is.
Ah.
[SNIFFS.]
Maze! Just in time! You can take my place on the sex swing for the second half.
Let's rather turn that frown upside down on the rack.
- I'm sure Nigel won't mind.
- Seriously? You haven't had a decent orgy in years.
I leave town for two seconds and you Fifty Shades of betray me.
Actually, you've been gone for months.
But no need to descend into orgy FOMO.
This, what you see here, this is just a school night shenanigans.
Why don't you come back on Saturday when things get really freaky? - Bye, Anna.
Bye, Fred.
- [WHIP CRACKS.]
Everyone hydrates! Hostess rules.
Nobody passes out unless they want to.
Hmm.
Who's the new girl? - [RING OF METAL.]
- Oh! I'm not new.
And you can't handle this.
Mm, you'd be surprised.
[CHUCKLES.]
Calm down, Maze.
There's no need to get poky.
Maze? As in Mazikeen of the Lilim? [GASPS, LAUGHS.]
Wow! I am so grateful to you.
I mean This world is full of dumb-ass rules.
You know, "No drugs for breakfast," or "Put on some clothes," but you.
For years you have been the keeper of Lucifer's devilish flame.
He just forgot to mention you are so damn hot! I like her.
I am so glad, because I'm going to have to exit orgy left, I'm afraid.
- What? - I know sugar plum, but mandatory meeting at work.
Can't be helped.
Mm-hmm [KISSES.]
["PISTOL" BY BEASTS WITH NO NAMEÂ PLAYING.]
I got a hot knife And a tight collar So, I'm standing there, buck naked, and then, when I take my blindfold off, I realize my naughty girlfriend has only snuck us into the aquarium after hours.
[GIGGLES.]
Next thing I know, we are tangled in a touch pool like a pair of randy merpeople.
It was so Shape of Water.
Wow! That just made my bucket list.
Oh, and Eve did this thing with a conch shell.
It was very creative.
- I'll draw you a diagram if you - No! We are good.
We get it.
I feel like I am right there with you.
Detective, when you said you were fine hearing about my romantic life with Eve Still am.
Super fine.
Fine with the aquarium story, fine with the vat of melted chocolate story, with the boning the entire cast - of Cirque du Soleil story.
- True.
[CHLOE.]
And I, personally, I can't get enough, because it's awesome.
But right now, I'm trying to concentrate.
[FEMALE VOICE.]
Lucifer! You brought donuts.
Oh, Rookie Joan, I thought a few sweet treats might help these pesky morning meetings go a little easier.
Mondays, am I right? [CHUCKLES.]
It's Wednesday.
- Is it? - Ah-ha.
So I completely missed the tutorial on the new computer system? Mm.
It's probably for the best.
Oh.
Oh gosh, no! I'm so sorry.
[CHUCKLES.]
I seem to have picked up the candy dandy rave donuts instead of the regular glazed ones.
One bite of this and you'd be riding the rainbow unicorn for days.
Come to think of it, I just realized what happened to Monday and Tuesday.
[CHLOE.]
Lucifer, if you'd really like to help, we can get into these case files.
- Why don't we do that? - [PHONE BUZZES.]
Oh, I would love to, detective, but I'm gonna have to rain check.
Promised Eve I'd be home in time for the naughty raffle.
[BANG.]
Honey, I'm home! [RATTLE.]
Who replaced my knife caddy with this tiny torture device? [AMENADIEL.]
Hello, Mazikeen.
I've been helping Linda out with a lot of things while you've been hunting bounties for months.
I wasn't hunting bounties, Amenadiel.
Never mind.
What else changed while I was gone? Hi! [MAZE.]
Linda! You're fat! Well, good luck with all of this.
- Linda, I'll see you tonight at Lamaze.
- Okay.
What in La-what now? Lamaze.
It's a baby class for mom and partner.
Oh.
Not mom, partner and demon.
So Please don't get any ideas.
- Maybe you can come to the next one.
- Whatever.
You know what I've been hunting all these months? [MAZE.]
This.
For the baby.
Hope you like it.
[HINGES SQUEAK.]
[DOOR SLAMS.]
I'm sure Lucifer will be here soon.
Lucky us! Maybe this time he'll show up with a kilo of coke.
Or another Mexican wrestler.
- That was a scheduling issue.
- More like a life issue.
As in you cannot live the life that he lives and still work with the LAPD.
Daniel, figure it out.
I know things have been off with Lucifer, but when it comes to the job, he's got it covered.
I'm sure.
[CHLOE.]
Ella, what do we have? [ELLA.]
John Doe.
Died on impact after being pushed out of that window up there.
One day, he is just living his life.
The next, bam! Smashed.
Like a bug on a windshield.
[LUCIFER.]
Sorry I'm late, got a little tied up at home.
But don't worry, I'll be all business from here on out.
- [CHLOE.]
Great.
- [LUCIFER.]
Right, what do we got? And a party in the back! Lucifer, we are at a crime scene.
Oh! Oh, dear.
[LAUGHS.]
I've worn my orgy pants to work, haven't I? [LAUGHS.]
Okay.
Crisis averted, detective.
- Seriously? - Yeah.
Anyhow, Ms.
Bassich here was telling us - about our victim, Gary Van Blunt.
- Oh.
Best auditor I ever had.
- [PHONE BEEPS.]
- Hard worker, detail-oriented bit of a bore in personality department - if you know what I mean.
- [PHONE BEEPS.]
And you said that Gary's laptop was missing.
Do you know if there was any sensitive information on it or any reason someone would want to steal it or keep it from getting out? What Gary had on that laptop - could've shut down dozens of businesses.
- [PHONE BEEPS.]
Did you ever receive any threats here at the office? Gary did mention someone was actually following him, though.
- [PHONE CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING.]
- Home, work, home.
Work, home, work Yes, I understand.
Are there security cameras here on the premises or an overnight guard, possibly, that could have seen anything? [PHONE BEEPS.]
- Lucifer.
- Mm.
I think we may have a lead.
[CHLOE CLEARS THROAT.]
LAPD.
Detective Decker.
Hi.
Oh.
Sorry.
I know it's sad or whatever, but Big Nose Brown Shoes in that pose is the most artistically stimulating thing I've seen out here, well, ever.
Big Nose Brown Shoes? I don't know their names, so - So, do you draw here regularly? - Every day on my lunch break.
You know, so my soul doesn't die up there in the cubicle.
Do you happen to have any more drawings of Mr.
Van or Big Nose Brown Shoes? Thank you.
So, this guy here.
He is in a lot of your drawings.
Square Jaw Buzz Cut.
What about him? Do you know if he knew Big Nose Brown Shoes? I don't think so.
But I did wonder if he had a crush on Big Nose, though.
'Cause he was always, like, watching him.
Your work is very good.
Do you ever do nudes? - Couples, perhaps? - Okay, thank you.
I will need to hold on to this one, but we are done here.
Thank you.
- [LUCIFER.]
Thank you.
- [CHLOE.]
Thank you very much.
[LUCIFER SIGHS.]
Okay, Lucifer, I need to talk to you.
Your extracurricular activities are starting to hinder our job.
There is a dead man right there and you showing up to his murder scene in assless slacks is not only disrespectful to the LAPD, it is disrespectful to him.
So if you can't take what we do seriously, then maybe you shouldn't be here.
No, I understand, detective, and I apologize.
I haven't been at my best today.
But I do take our work, our partnership, very seriously.
In fact, I hereby promise that the personal shall interfere with the professional no more.
- [PHONE RINGS.]
- Sorry.
- [PHONE RINGS.]
- Yeah, I Silent from here on in, you won't even know that I have a personal life.
[PHONE BUZZING.]
[BELL RINGS.]
- [BUMP.]
- [SIGHS.]
- Does no one need a demon today? - [EVE.]
I could use one.
Lucifer and I were supposed to bake and Drake tonight.
You know Like, really bakes and watch a Drake concert.
But he had to go back to work.
I'm really happy he has a job, I am.
But I just didn't think he would be there all the time.
Yeah, used to drive me nuts too.
Until I got a life.
Smashing heads, hunting bounties.
You know, my own thing.
I don't want to do my own thing.
You know, I happen to have some free time on my hands today.
Why don't we do our own thing together? I'm sure Lucifer will be back any minute.
Or maybe he won't.
You are Eve! You are the first best party girl ever! Are you gonna sit at home waiting for your man or are you going to come and party with me? Well, I do like to party.
- [CRACK.]
- Yeah, you do! Something on that pretty little face of yours.
["I ONLY SPEAK IN FRICTION" BY PLAGUE VENDOR PLAYING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[CRASH.]
Hello, brother.
[LAUGHS.]
It's good to see you, Remiel.
[AMENADIEL LAUGHS.]
So, what brings you to Earth? Silver City run out of stags to hunt, you need a break from Castiel singing, or you just miss your big bro? I wish I was here for such frivolous reasons.
But we have a problem.
For the first time in millennia I've sensed a new Celestial.
A baby! Right here in Los Angeles.
But you already knew that.
Didn't you, brother? [BELL RINGS.]
Oh, gosh! Who is ready to bake and Drake? Lucifer.
Doctor.
Yes, well, I'm afraid you've missed the festivities.
But if you like to come back Saturday I came because you've canceled three therapy sessions.
I want to make sure you are okay.
Oh, no, I'm fine.
I'm more than fine, actually.
Living my best life on all fronts.
Balancing work and pleasure like like a finely calibrated machine.
You You haven't seen a tiny divine brunette, have you? "You didn't show, so I went out with Maze.
Hope you are not dead.
Eve.
" Well, I admit there are still a few kinks to work out.
Speaking of, if you'll excuse me.
It can't be easy all these years upholding human law.
Eve will love this.
Exploring your caring, altruistic side with Chloe "us to enjoy together" and now being in a committed relationship with Eve, who expects you to be your - old hedonistic devil self at all times - Apologies detective.
Now, how many times can he program this thing to say "Ever"? [SIGHS.]
Thank you.
When you bifurcate your life this way, good and bad, crime solver and orgy host you're effectively denying half of yourself all of the time.
Lucifer, if you don't stop pulling yourself in opposite directions, you're going to come undone.
[LAUGHS.]
What? That is preposterous.
I mean, I finally got everything I ever wanted.
I've got a girlfriend who accepts, nay, appreciates that I'm the devil, makes every waking moment a non-stop bacchanal, and then, there's work.
And I don't need to tell you how important that is to me.
No, you don't.
So you see why I'm no longer in need of therapy, doctor.
Perfection achieved.
Is that why you spent the last few minutes ordering apology gifts for both Eve and Chloe? [PHONE BUZZES.]
Oh.
Well, I'm sorry, but we're going to have to leave it there, doctor.
There appears to have been a break in the case.
[LUCIFER.]
My goodness.
[BANG.]
[FOOTSTEPS.]
[LUCIFER, KNOCKING.]
Detective! Hi.
- [WHISPERS.]
Lucifer, get in the car! - [DOOR CLICKS.]
Sorry I'm late, okay? What have we got? Ella ran a facial recognition on the sketch of Gary's stalker and got a hit.
I guy named Vince Walker, ex-marine, and we couldn't get a physical address, but his name is registered to that car.
So we're on a stakeout.
Undercover.
Understood, detective.
You can count on me.
I'll not take my eyes off that vehicle.
Come now, brother.
We both knew it was only a matter of time before this happened.
We did? Of course, there was bound to be a child eventually, because of all the meaningless sexual encounters.
I wouldn't say they were meaningless.
Please.
Our brother Lucifer is a What do they call it here? A slut.
Lucifer? You're here because you think Lucifer has fathered a half-human child? [REMY.]
Must have been difficult for you.
Bearing the burden of Lucifer secret alone in order to protect him.
But I'm here now, brother.
Together, we can put an end to this madness.
Oh whoa, whoa, Remy.
What do you mean exactly by "put an end to it"? As we both know, it's forbidden for humans and celestials to intermingle in an amorous manner.
The child shouldn't exist.
The child is innocent.
Exactly! Which is why we must find the child, snatch it up and take it to Heaven for the rest of eternity.
[THUD.]
Remy, put your wings away! Humans aren't supposed to see them.
Right! I forgot! Please slow time so these barely sentient creatures won't see us fly away.
Well, I can't slow time.
Because that would be too easy.
Look, this is our first brother-sister hunt in over a millennia.
Why not make it a proper challenge? [LAUGHS.]
You are right! To the challenge! Where might we find the kind of human woman that Lucifer would impregnate? Actually I know exactly where to start.
But perhaps we should begin with a change of clothes.
[SIGHS.]
Lucifer, I'm sorry that I was hard on you before.
You know, we We all have our personal lives and I go to parent-teacher conferences and you host sex parties, so To each their own.
Look, as long as you continue to wear actual pants to work then, if you're happy, I'm happy.
[LUCIFER SNORES.]
[LUCIFER SNORES.]
[LUCIFER SNORES.]
You know, I'm not happy.
Of course I want you to be happy.
But the way that you are happy It makes me uncomfortable.
It makes me feel sick, to be honest.
And yes, sometimes it makes me jealous.
So I hate the way you are happy.
And there it is.
[SMACKS.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Fetch me the goat! No, in the hat.
We need to make sure this is the guy.
[FOOTSTEPS.]
[WOMAN SCREAMS.]
I think he is the guy.
[SCREAMING.]
Help! Fire! No, no! There you go.
Big, strong donkey kicks.
Now locate the trunk release.
[CHLOE.]
LAPD.
Step away from the victim! And stop giving her notes? Vincent Walker.
You mind? We're kind of in the middle of something here.
[LADY.]
Is this a part of the scenario? [LADY.]
'Cause we haven't done crossfire drills yet.
I need to give it a shot.
[VINCENT.]
You can put the gun away, detective.
I run a K and R outfit.
Kidnap and ransom.
[SLAMS TRUNK.]
We offer abduction survival courses for frequent travelers like Joyce here.
[JOYCE.]
They are the best in the business.
My employer pays for everybody in the Bogota office to get kidnapped at least once.
[MOUTHS.]
It's my third time.
Quite a thrill-seeker, aren't you? Okay, who payed you to kidnap Gary Van Blunt? As usual, you cops have it all wrong.
Our parent company payed Mr.
Van Blunt to audit us.
That was a formality.
Typical government red tape.
Then he accused me of paying off Bolivian border guards.
- And were you? - Of course he was.
[VINCENT.]
Damn right I was.
To keep my clients safe.
Everyone in my line of work does.
I told Gary his goody two shoes routine could cost real people their lives, - but he wouldn't listen.
- So, you murdered him.
What? No.
I tailed him a little.
Hoped to scare him into shutting up.
From home to work and not much else.
The poor sav was the human equivalent of watching paint dry.
Until he wasn't.
Couple of days ago he breaks routine.
Takes off in a Malibu Canyon.
I lost him.
Cops pulled me over for speeding.
And I suppose you have an alibi for last night at 12:30.
As it happens, I was on a three-day mission to Cape Town.
Flew into LAX a couple of hours ago.
Are we good? Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Well, that was a bust.
But now we know how Gary spent the last day of his life.
In the 5,800 acres of Malibu Canyon.
Alright, I'm going to go back to the precinct.
I'm going to work up a list of what homes and businesses we canvas first.
Why don't you go home and get some sleep? Nonsense, detective.
I've already had my cat nap.
I insist you go home and get some rest and I'll burn the midnight oil at the station.
You're offering to do hours of tedious research? I want to do whatever it takes to secure justice for poor boring Gary.
Detective, recent missteps aside, you should know, when I'm on the job, the job has my complete devotion.
Thank you, Lucifer.
That means a lot.
So, I'll see you tomorrow.
Bright and early.
[BOTH GIGGLING.]
Oh, girl, don't even start.
[EVE.]
It's just that when he leaves me hanging like this Reminds me of Adam.
You know I was his second wife, right? Literally created for the guy and our entire marriage he was just pining over wife number uno.
"Lilith tamed the beasts of the night.
" Stupid, perfect Lilith.
She wasn't perfect.
Oh, my God.
My God.
I'm so sorry.
I completely forgot that she was your mother.
Yes, so did she.
[BELL RINGS.]
I've got a package for Eve from Lucifer.
[EVE SCREAMS.]
Oh, my God! What is it? Oh, my I don't get it.
- You - Oh, this guy.
Okay, I know.
[PRINTER STARTS UP.]
[PRINTER WHIRRING.]
Oh, look.
There is a card.
You really need a card to know who that's from? Right.
- Lucifer! - [SMACK.]
Uh? "For us to enjoy together"? I mean, this must be for someone else.
[LAUGHS.]
No, for us to enjoy together.
The precinct.
That's why this young lady would make a great decoy.
Or keep Daniel company on long stakeouts.
- You know what? Enough! - [ELLA.]
Hey, guys! The suit doesn't fit! Literally or figuratively.
The clothes Gary Van Blunt died in were, like, two sizes too big and a tax bracket more expensive than anything else in his closet.
They weren't his.
Wait, so the killer forced Gary to change clothes before they pushed him out the window, but why? Er No, I don't think they made him change clothes.
I think they made him put clothes on.
Found something on the map last night.
If you combine it with Miss Lopez's findings [LUCIFER CHUCKLES.]
I think I know where Gary was when the killer snatched him.
Oh, my gosh! Can I please come? [CHLOE.]
This is perfect.
Just perfect.
So cool! Sorry, but rules are rules.
You want to go inside, you got to get naked.
Either that or get a warrant.
Fine, I'll get a warrant.
Lucifer! When in Rome, detective.
Please, put some clothes on.
We are professionals.
Ella, see if you can get a warrant from Judge Beckers.
- Bucket list? - [LUCIFER.]
Don't worry, detective.
Miss Lopez and I are on the case.
[LUCIFER.]
You don't happen to recognize this unfortunate-looking chap? [GUY.]
Mm.
Don't recognize him.
Do you have any pictures of him without his clothes on? Of course I know Gary! He is the sweetest thing.
He's almost as sweet as my mango coladas.
Do you want one or two? I just can't believe Gary's gone! He's only been coming for a couple of months, but he really found his happy place here.
And how could you tell he was happy? Oh, don't worry.
We know.
[LADY.]
And he was to active in the community.
Chess club, book club.
He even offered to help us all with our taxes.
Hold on.
You are saying that Gary was an avid nudist and a devoted accountant? Naturalists come in all forms.
In our community, we have teachers, judges, scientists.
What about enemies? Did Gary have anyone he butted heads with in the community? Oh, Gary didn't have a contrary bone in his naked butt.
I can't imagine him saying a harsh word to anybody.
[GUY.]
Except maybe to Julian.
Remember? We saw them arguing in the meditation yurt.
I couldn't understand exactly what they were saying, I didn't have my hearing aids in.
But it looked heated.
And Julian is Julian McCaffrey.
Son of the late Willow McCaffrey.
The founder of Willow's Glenn.
[GUY.]
Julian inherited this place after his mother died, but he's nothing like her.
He's brought in drugs and prostitutes.
[LADY.]
Well, we are not sure they are prostitutes.
[GUY.]
Come on, Annie, you know as well as I do.
That millennial pervert has turned out little slice of heaven into a devil's playground.
Well, I'll be the judge of that.
Welcome to the VIP lounge.
Speaking of which, you two are not at all what I pictured when I heard that cops were here.
Who knows? - We're not cops.
- We're not cops.
- I'm actually a forensic scientist.
- And I'm the devil.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, hey I wanted to say how sorry I was when I heard about Gary.
He is going to be missed by the entire community.
Cut the crap.
We know you two argued in the meditation yurt the day he died.
[JULIAN.]
Well, it's not what you think.
I hate to speak ill of the dead, but Gary He was coming on pretty strong to some of our more attractive female members, making them uncomfortable.
So I had to give him some firm advice.
Probably did him a favour, honestly.
How altruistic of you.
My point is that the last time I saw Gary, he was alive, and well, and still trying to bat out of his league.
[GIRLS GIGGLE.]
So, if I can help you with anything else, I'm starting to prune.
[CHLOE.]
Yeah, you are.
What are you? A size 34 pant, 13 shoe? Good guess.
Why? You are under arrest.
Oh, and the precinct has a strong no-nudity policy, so put on some clothes.
And you too.
[MUFFLED NIGHTCLUB MUSIC PLAYING.]
How can human women wear these torture devices? - What are they called? - Jeans.
[SIGHS.]
How could Lucifer ever procreate with these jeans-laden humans? They are selfish and greedy.
And they smell wrong.
Well, Remy Perhaps Lucifer discovered that not all humans are selfish, greedy and smelly.
Perhaps he even met one that was rather special.
One that helped him learn things about himself, and the universe that he never would have learned without her.
Hmm.
Yeah.
I'm just guessing about Lucifer.
- Yeah.
- [PHONE BUZZES.]
[PHONE DINGS.]
Advertisements.
Greedy humans.
[LAUGHS.]
[WOMAN YELLS.]
[GASPING.]
[WOMAN 2.]
Good job, you're doing a great job.
- [MAN.]
Okay, honey.
- Alright, Courtney, push.
[WOMAN SCREAMS.]
[MAN.]
Hey, hey.
It's all the way, honey.
[WOMAN 2.]
There you go! [SCREAMING.]
[CLICK.]
[FEMALE VOICE.]
 And that is what the birth process looks like up close.
Any questions? Yeah! Can we see the part about the torn perineum again, please? Erm Giving the time restraints, perhaps it's best we move on to infant care.
Let's feed our babies.
Now, whether your choice is breast or bottle, what's most important is the intimate bonding time you're spending with your little angel.
In your arms, your baby will feel safe, and satiated and, most of all, loved.
Your babies will only be babies for a short time, but the bonds they form with you now are the foundation for healthy and nurturing relationships.
That was beautiful, wasn't it? I'm so glad you are here, Maze.
Maze? So it's a coincidence that the shoes and clothes Gary Van Brunt died in match your sizes and favorite label exactly? Not to mention you were seen arguing with him on the day he was murdered.
Things aren't looking good for you, Julian.
Yeah, I'm not too worried.
Oh.
Why is that? Three.
- Two.
- [DOOR CLICKS.]
Judge's order.
Release our client on his own recognizance.
What happened to the two million dollars bail? Already paid in full.
Well, this was fun, but I've got a naked limbo contest to judge at four, so Hey, how did he get away with this? Yeah, McCaffrey? That's his mom's maiden's name.
- Guess who his dad is.
- I don't know.
- Jacob Tierning.
- As in Tierning Shipping? That's right.
The guy practically owns every port on Pacific.
Well, that explains the confidence.
One whiff of trouble and daddy bails him out.
Yeah, with the money they left behind, the guy is practically untouchable.
No one's untouchable.
Eve! Eve? [EVE.]
Hey.
I I got you something too for us to enjoy [LAUGHS.]
together.
[SIGHS.]
Look, I know you are angry [EVE.]
I'm not angry.
I mean, I was.
But then I had a lot of time to think.
And I realize I used to be just like you, with Adam.
I wanted Adam to love me so badly that I devoted myself to becoming something I wasn't.
In order to please him.
I wanted to be Adam's ideal woman.
But then I realized something.
I was never going to be Adam's ideal woman because, spoiler alert I'm not Lilith.
I am me.
Yeah, I spent so much time trying to be whatever Adam wanted me to be that I never once stopped to think what I wanted, who I had been all along.
Guess who helped me figure that out? If is not me, this is a terrible story.
It was you.
Lucifer, I was created from someone else's rib.
I am literally a subset of another person.
But you helped me realize that I can become my own person.
You set me free.
I just want to do the same for you.
[SIGHS.]
I see you pretending to be something that you're not.
You don't have to.
You're already perfect.
You think I'm pretending to be something I'm not? Don't you? What? I have to go.
It's a break in the case.
Sorry.
[CHLOE.]
What's the son of a power broker like Jacob Tierning doing running his mother's hippy nudist retreat? Well, according to Jacob's super unauthorized bio, Julian is the black sheep of the Tierning family.
Out of control partying, multiple run-ins with the law.
I mean this says Jacob cut him off years ago.
Except for the fact that he keeps sending lawyers to clean up Julian's messes.
What is any of these have to do with Gary? I mean, he wasn't auditing the nudist retreat or any of the Tierning businesses, right? So then what motive could Julian possibly have to murder him? Step aside, Daniel, because I've just blown this case wide open.
Just found this note in this pocket.
And this is the suit that I wore or, more accurately, didn't wear at the nudist colony.
Someone must have put it in there before I got my clothes back.
Miss Lopes, do you remember a woman named Marigold? [DAN.]
Seriously? For all we know, someone could have put it in there at one of your latest sex parties.
Have you ever been to a sex party, Daniel? We don't pass notes to each other.
I don't need to go to sex parties Guys, guys! Marigold wasn't a woman.
It's one of Tierning's ships.
And the Marigold docks in Saint Pedro tonight.
That can't be a coincidence.
[SHIP'S HORN BLASTS.]
You awake? [LAUGHS.]
Very funny, detective.
You know, we wouldn't have gotten this far without you.
You did good, Lucifer.
Do you think I'm different when I'm at work to when I'm not at work? Mm I think we are all a little different at work.
You know, trying to put our best foot forward and But you think the person I'm trying to be at work is Ah, I don't know, dishonest? Do you like work? I do.
I like work very much.
Work makes me want to be a better man, but if I've never been that man before, then is it even real? [CHLOE.]
Well, I mean, I think people are growing and changing all the time.
I mean, look at me.
Fifteen years ago, I was naked in a hot tub.
- Mm, still one of my favorite films.
- Well The point is I never would've pictured myself as a detective or a mom, or a person with so many sensible brown shoes.
- So many.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Yeah.
It just feels right.
So I think if what you are doing and who you are at work feels right, then I think you know it's real.
[VAN BREAKS SQUEAL.]
- [MAN.]
They're here.
- [MAN 2.]
Good.
Here we go.
- Hey, Vince.
- Where are the ladies? Let's go.
[SIGHS.]
[MAN.]
Come on, move! So, Julian was using daddy's shipping company as what, slave transport.
Detective Decker requesting backup in what looks a human trafficking situation.
Gary must've found out somehow.
And Julian killed him before Gary could expose the operation.
We can't let him get away.
We won't! [CAR DOOR RATTLES.]
[DOOR SLAMS.]
[FOOTSTEPS.]
LAPD! Hands in the air! [GUNSHOTS.]
- [GUNSHOTS.]
- [WOMEN SCREAM.]
[GUNSHOTS.]
[SIRENS WAIL.]
- [GUY YELLS.]
- [TIRES SQUEALING.]
Julian, cops over there.
[THUMP.]
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
LAPD! Drop your weapon! - [COP.]
Don't move! - [CHLOE.]
On the ground, now! [COP.]
Hands where we can see them! Lucifer, Julian is getting away! [BANG.]
[MACHINERY STARTING.]
[CRASH.]
Julian, you're a slippery one, aren't you? But then again, most cockroaches are.
[JULIAN GRUNTS.]
[JULIAN.]
No! No! [CHLOE.]
Hey, guys, listen up.
I need you all to fan out and find McCaffrey.
Now! Medics, we got victims over there, by the van.
Go! [MACHINERY ROARS.]
You are not so cocky now, without daddy's lawyers around, are you? Tell me, does he know what you've been up to? Do you think my dad is any better than me? [GROANS.]
He's a wolf in sheep's clothing.
I'm in a fancy suit and a big smile [GROANS.]
but at least I admit I'm a wolf.
I mean, what kind of man pretends to be something he isn't? [JULIAN GROANS, YELLS.]
[WHOOSH.]
It's your lucky day.
I decided to leave your punishment to the police.
- [THUMP.]
- [BUZZER GOES.]
[CLATTER.]
Freeze! [CLATTER.]
LAPD, don't move! [CRASH.]
No, no! No! [PLAYING "GOLDEN SHORE" BY KYLE NEAL.]
I can't believe you let him go.
For once I agree with you.
You think you're helping Lucifer, but you're not.
You're a wrecking ball and everything you touch turns to shit.
First Charlotte, now Joan.
When will you learn? Hmm? You're not one of the good guys.
There's a house on their property.
Got it.
Thanks, Maze.
[BELL RINGS.]
[EVE.]
You okay? What happened? [LUCIFER.]
You may have been right about me.
I tried to be something I wasn't and a very bad man got away Killed again.
[LUCIFER SIGHS.]
It was all my fault.
[EVE.]
Sounds like it was the man's fault to me.
Who is this guy anyway? Murderer, human trafficker, destroyer of lives on the loose.
Well you can't let him get away with that.
He should be punished.
By me, you mean? Honestly, I'm not sure I have it in me anymore.
It's not true.
You will always have it in you.
You are the devil.
Yes.
Yes, I am.
[MUFFLED NIGHTCLUB MUSIC.]
It's not her.
[REMY.]
I think you're stalling, aren't you? Don't tell me Lucifer's misplaced love of humans has rubbed off on you.
Of course not.
Yes.
The never-ending talk of free will while you were in Silver City.
Brother, you are the one who taught me that humans are inconsequential.
Well, I was wrong, Remy.
They are living, breathing beings created by our father.
And I promise you I won't hurt the child.
Even if it is half human.
And what about the mother? I know we are not allowed to kill humans.
So I'll be very careful where I cut.
You're not cutting anywhere.
You know this human, don't you, brother? Are you protecting her? Yes, I am.
I'm protecting her and I'm protecting my child.
Yours? [WHISPERS.]
"To your baby.
" [SIGHS.]
[CLATTER OF METAL.]
[MAZE.]
It's a baby blanket.
My mother, Lilith Let's just say she wasn't mom of the year.
I was trying to think of something to give your baby.
Something I would have wanted when I was small.
Took me a while to figure out what that was, but I guess this is it.
Look I know I'm not mom, or partner or whatever.
But I No.
[LINDA.]
No, you're not.
Come here.
You are Auntie Maze.
And you will always be a member of this family.
[GULPS.]
[DRAWER RATTLES.]
[TING.]
[GUN COCKS.]
[SIGHS.]
What is it with you? Gotta made me kill somebody else? Well, how many is it, then? I mean, I know about Gary.
And Joan.
But what about the women you've been trafficking? How many of their lives have you taken? How many have you destroyed in service of your greed? [PANTS.]
Those girls came from nothing.
Starving in their villages.
Sold by their relatives or stupid enough to believe that people are just handing out fresh new lives here in America.
They were broken dolls before they ever got on those ships.
[GUNSHOTS.]
[GROANS.]
What? Who who are you? [HISSES.]
I've been wondering how to punish you, Julian.
And now I know.
What? [LUCIFER GROWLS.]
[THUMP.]
[JULIAN COUGHING.]
[JULIAN GROANS.]
- [CRACK.]
- [JULIAN YELLS.]
[JULIAN CHOKES.]
You asked what I am.
I'm the devil.
Yes.
This feels just right.