Mad About You s04e06 Episode Script
Yoko Said
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No.
* tell me why * * i love you like i do * * tell me who * * can stop my heart as much as you * * let's take each other's hand * * as we jump into * * the final frontier * * i'm mad about you, baby ** All right, doggy It's tuesday, So you know what you get for breakfast? Look.
Same crap as every day.
[Jamie.]
is the water boiling yet? Not yet.
Oh.
See, you at least have your crappy dry cereal.
Me, not so much.
Do you see the stain? What stain? Good.
What do you think of this for a film Wildlife that lives in the city But has no business being there, Like the falcons that live in the chrysler building? And? Well, they're falcons, And they're in the chrysler building.
Yeah And? They're falcons, right? Aw, forget it, forget it.
Thought you wanted something The explorer channel's never done.
They did that? Well How about dolphin puppies? You'll think of something.
I'd better 'cause i'm 0 for 9 this week, And everybody in the office, They're rooting for me to fail.
They're like vultures there.
Hey, vulture puppies? We have nothing to eat.
Want some banana? Is it still good? No.
[Telephone rings.]
Yello.
Hiya, fran.
Hang on.
Your meeting's moved up.
You got to be there in 30 minutes.
How can i be there in 30 minutes? How can she be there in 30 minutes? He's the boss.
I don't care.
It's rude to change appointments I don't care.
It's rude to change appointments.
Grow up.
I am grown up.
He should grow up.
She is grown up.
He I thought i was doing a very good job.
I'll be there.
Here is how i'm going to find an idea for my film.
I am going to do a very exciting film on "Crop fungus.
" I'm glad you didn't finish this yogurt.
Who takes care of you? You do.
All right, here we go.
A terrific explorer channel-Type of film on A guy with no teeth holding a pig.
What is the date today? Oh, my god.
Look at this.
"Yoko ono announces she's doing a series of film happenings.
" Well, there you go.
What? Do that.
You know yoko.
I don't know her.
She liked that film you made.
That was two years ago.
I think that's a good idea.
A yoko film? Yes.
For the explorer channel? It's different.
If it was, you know, yoko wrestling a cougar.
Fine.
Or yoko tagging a wildebeest.
Fine.
Mock me.
I'm trying to help you.
You're wonderful.
It's just not a good idea.
Whatever.
Is there nutrition in cracker jacks? Yes and a little toy.
So, uh The falcons live in the chrysler building, right? Andand they think the gargoyles are their friends.
Uh-Huh.
And like that.
Interesting.
What else? I was thinking something about white-Water rafting.
Been done.
With each different season.
Been done.
O.
K.
, o.
K.
Um "A zoo.
" Something with a zoo.
I can't read my own writing.
Paul Has vulture puppies been done? Let's try this tomorrow.
I'm sure we'll think of something.
Let me just throw an idea at you.
Yoko ono is doing a series of film happenings.
Yoko? [Paul.]
yeah.
Yoko ono on the explorer channel? Ha ha.
Ha ha.
Ha ha.
I know it's not your usual kind I love it.
Really? It's different.
That's what i thought "Yeah, this is different.
" I like it a lot.
What do you think? Love it.
Great, wonderful.
Great.
I was kidding about the chrysler building.
And your two flunkies, you can Slap in the head.
Hey.
Hey.
Here's a little interesting piece of news for you.
Guess who Chocolate pudding? Guess who what? Guess who is filming the yoko ono thing.
You pitched them my yoko idea? Well Your idea.
I I worked out a thing with notes and thoughts.
I knocked them for a big, loopy loop.
Well, with my idea, but that's great.
That's great.
Well, they loved it.
Actually, allison did.
The rest can give me a kiss on the ass area.
Well, listen, they loved our yoko idea.
Know what else? Our yoko idea? You, me, our what's the difference? My yoko idea, but go ahead.
What? I had nothing to do with it? I suggested it as a thing for you.
Babe, i was reading the newspaper.
Yes, and i suggested it.
Yeah, but i decided to actually use the idea.
So the idea to use my idea was your idea? That's exactly right.
Know what else? Do we like this shirt? No.
What are you doing? I'm changing.
You just got home.
That's the "you know what else?" Part.
I'm meeting yoko tonight.
Tonight? At her house.
Oh, god.
What will i wear? To what? To yoko.
Babe, it's not one of those things.
This is a business meeting.
You'll meet her next time.
Are you kidding? What? I can't come? It's a business meeting.
"It's a business meeting.
" Don't do that.
If i were meeting pamela sue anderson From baywatch, i would let you come.
O.
K.
A no, you wouldn't.
And b You can't compare pamela sue anderson to yoko ono, Except that they're both carbon-Based life forms.
And c you don't bring a spouse To a business meeting.
You're going all the way to "c?" I'm not kidding.
Listen, mr.
Big fancy guy, That was my idea.
Why is that important to you? Secondly, this was my idea.
If it were up to me, i would take you.
Really? Of course.
I like it when you're with me.
I don't know if it's appropriate only 'cause it's business.
I think yoko ono would understand if you brought me.
Excuse me.
Don't tell me about yoko ono.
I told you about yoko ono.
Really? I'm going with you.
O.
K.
, but I won't tell her it was my idea.
That's not what i was saying.
What were you going to say? No, i'm not going to tell you.
Wow, honey, look at this.
Hey, what did i say about touching stuff? Here, catch.
Oh, relax.
Don't! I forgot she makes you take your shoes off.
I would have worn better socks.
Your socks are fine.
No.
These are, like, sneaker socks Masquerading as dress socks.
Isn't this beautiful? It's beautiful.
Put it down.
What do you think it is? It's a thing they make So that when you break it, you feel terrible.
Wherewhere was it? All right.
When she gets here, Don't ask anything about the beatles.
Honey, i know not to Nothing about the beatles.
It makes her crazy.
What are you, her best friend? I know what i'm talking about.
Ask her about her new album or her art.
Maybe she wants to make some weird art film With a roomful of people yawning for peace.
That shows how little you know about yoko.
She doesn't do that anymore.
She does very conventional stuff.
She's doing these great paintings and drawings Are you paying attention to me? Uh-Huh.
Get out of there.
Come here.
Listen, now She may ask us about our birthdays And where we were born.
There's a quiz? No, but she does that Before she works with somebody.
She's into that.
I know the date and place of my birth, So i'll be all right.
I'm a little nervous about my birthday.
Why? I don't think it's a good one.
What is the matter with you? It's just not good.
April 19th.
It's just such a nowhere birthday.
Did you know sandy duncan was born on the same day as hitler? Is that true? I'm pretty sure.
Why do you know that? I just do.
Really? And people still like sandy duncan, right? You'll be fine.
What do you think this goes for? Give me that.
Don't bite.
Sit down.
I'm sitting.
Sit down.
No touching and no staring.
And no mentioning the beatles.
Nothing about the beatles.
[I wanna hold your hand plays.]
Hi.
Hi.
Sorry to keep you.
Thank you for coming.
It's an honor to meet you.
And thank you for coming.
Well, it's my apartment.
Of course.
I meant thanks for coming in the room.
Yes, of course.
Hello.
Hi.
Sorry.
This is my wife jamie.
Nice to meet you.
I'm yoko.
Yoko ono.
I understand.
Very nice to meet you.
Please sit down.
And so you came together? Yeah.
If that's a problem Not at all.
Behind every great man, there's a greater woman.
Yes.
So true.
You know, if i had a creed, that would be it.
That would be your creed? So, May i tell you about my project? Please.
Please do.
Well, one day i was walking down columbus avenue.
I got excited with this thought Do you need to know my birthday? Why? I thought youyou do.
No.
Oh, o.
K.
, sorry.
Well, anyway, As i was saying about this 'Cause it's april 19th is what it is.
April 19th.
Yes.
You weren't born in new york? I was.
Ooh.
Is thatis that bad? Just kidding.
A little joke.
Yoko made a joke at my expense.
I saw that.
People never think i'm funny, But i can be funny, too.
No, i'm sure.
I suppose people have a certain image of you.
What kind of image? Whatthat they have? Uh, who knowyou know i supposeyou know Not that you were responsible for breaking up O.
K.
! That's all right.
What were you saying? I'm very excited with this project.
I think you're the filmmaker who can do it.
I'm awfully flattered.
What is the idea? I want you to film the wind.
The wind? Yes.
Film it? Yes.
Seriously? Well, that's a good idea.
Film the wind? I like it.
But you can't see wind.
So far.
Shouldn't you film things you can see? Anybody can do that.
To film the wind, that takes skill.
I'm going to ask you a question.
Answer me honestly.
If my sister suggested filming the wind, Would you do it? Yes.
Liar.
All right, that was a lie.
Just admit it.
It's a bad idea.
No.
You don't know.
Who's to say what's a good idea? You think when picasso showed his first cubist painting, Everybody said, "that's a great idea"? No, they said, "Two eyes are on one side of the head.
" But filming the wind? It could be great.
Yoko said "Yoko said.
" What? And you're going to fast? No.
I said i might try it.
'Cause yoko said "'Cause yoko said.
" When she starts a new project, She goes on a fast.
If we're working together, why wouldn't i try it? Why would you do that? What, like eating is working so terrifically? Have you ever been on a cleansing fast? Do you know what it feels like To not eat for five days? I'll let you know in five days.
If yoko said, "jump off the brooklyn bridge," would you? I wouldn't do it, necessarily, But i wouldn't dismiss it summarily.
Yoko said.
What? Film the wind? I think it's a great idea.
It's a brilliant concept.
How do you do that? What's that? Film the wind.
It's not written yet.
Is that turkey? Tuna fish.
Would you like some? No.
I can't.
I'm fasting five days.
I'm on day number two.
I'm getting a little bit of a buzz.
Paul.
What, yes? When you say wind, Could you be more specific? It's all in here.
I have a treatment.
I have a few things to run by legal, But i'm pretty sure wind is public domain.
Wow.
What? What? This is what it costs to film the wind? O.
K.
, you tell me.
How much does it cost to film wind? You tell me.
This costs more than the shark expedition.
Yeah, because anybody can film sharks.
Get into a cage, wave meat, They show up.
Try to get wind when you need it, Then talk to me.
That's my point.
What's your point? Because i don't follow you.
I don't understand.
We don't get it.
What don't you get? I don't understand what you don't get.
Wind, wind, as free as the wind.
I should write this down.
But when we film "the wind," What, exactly, will you be filming? You know what? Forget it.
Just forget it, o.
K.
? Forget the wind.
Forget the whole thing.
I'm so tired of the abuse and the questions.
I'm so tired Of the whole mickey mouse operation.
If you don't want to be part of this wind-Breaking project What did i say? This groundbreaking project, then fine.
We'll take it somewhere else.
I'm sure a&e Or the weather channel will be very happy.
Paul, look, i've spoken to the people upstairs.
They love that we got yoko.
They are bumping jacques cousteau for this.
Spend what you've got to spend, But remember, there's a lot riding on this.
Did you have bacon this morning? Ah, paulie, smell that.
What? The city, the crisp air.
This is what i want to get.
Wind, you know, like night wind.
Autumn wind, you know.
I was thinking for music underneath, check this out.
[Music playing.]
What is that? That's yoko's new album.
Oh, yeah? You like it, or you just sucking up? I like it.
You don't like it? I didn't say that.
You don't get it.
I don't get what? You don't get it 'cause it's art, Like this wind movie.
This wind movie is not art.
What, like you know? Know what art is? Tell me.
Art is the representation Of that which the mind can imagine But only the heart knows to be true.
Where did you get that, empire szechuan? What, you think you know everything about me? Want to know what else art is? This meatball hero from stromboli's.
Paulie, this olive oil you got to try it.
I can't! Yoko said "Yoko said"! You're driving yourself crazy here! Well, it's a big deal! I'm doing a film for yoko ono.
I don't want to screw it up.
And the explorer channel is all hot and bothered.
I have no idea what the hell i'm doing.
I'm on a roof filming wind.
Would you look at yourself? I was supposed to meet yoko half an hour ago! Eat something! Yoko said! Yoko said.
Hey! The wind! [Telephone rings.]
[Ring.]
Hello.
Paul? Paul, is that you? Slow down, honey.
You have to slow down.
I don't understand you.
O.
K.
Now you're slowed down, But you're speaking danish.
Yoko? What about yoko? I don't know.
I haven't checked the messages yet.
Hold on.
[Answering machine beeps.]
Paul, it's yoko.
7:20.
Guess you're on your way.
[Beep.]
Sweetie, did you hear that? It's 8:45.
And i'm not laughing.
[Doorbell buzzes.]
Hold on.
Don't move.
Who is it? Yoko.
Uh, just one second.
Paul, it's yoko! She's here! She's outsidewho is this? Where is the man who was just on this phone? Well, pick him up and put him on.
Never mind! Yokoyoko Hi, jamie.
Come in.
Have you seen paul? He was just on the phone.
He was supposed to meet me An hour and a half ago.
Please come in.
He said to apologize profusely.
He's on his way, and he'll explain when he gets here.
He said to trust him.
He has everything under control.
[Paul.]
yoko! Yoko! Then i would do a split To symbolize the split Between the male and female within us.
It was college.
I was more limber then.
Then, um, then i would I would slowly rise up and bring my legs together To symbolize the unity of our separate selves.
And then i ended with some leaps.
That's very nice.
Uh, may i use your phone? Sure.
I just want to get my messages.
If you want privacy, there's one in the bedroom.
God help me! I lost yoko! Sweetie I can't do this anymore.
My brain is fried, and i'm so hungry, I would eat my fried brain.
Sweetie I don't know what i'm doing! The wind is swirling around and getting in my eyes.
Sweetie! What? Aah! Yoko.
Hello, paul.
Hi.
Um So, uh [Sighs.]
How is everything? Well, you tell me.
Good.
It's all good.
Everythingahem It's allwhat is this? It this one of those armenian sandwiches i love so well? Yes, honey.
Want some? Paul.
Yoko, they have these little pickles.
They slice them, But you can get them in the store separately.
And they cut the eggplant Sweetie I can't.
I'm fasting.
No food! No food! Paul? Yes, yoko, i'm with you.
You don't have to film the wind, you know.
No, i'm going to I want to film the wind Really? It's only an idea.
It's no biggie.
I need a little more.
I think so.
Um, well this is so good.
I'm very glad to hear that, yoko, Because i don't know how to do it.
I'm out there trying.
I don't see it.
I don't think i'm fasting anymore.
Maybe it was just a bad idea.
Everybody's entitled to one bad idea.
You know, john once thought That ringo should be in the front.
And i just said, "John, come on.
" Well, you were right there, 'cause that's a bad idea.
But, honey, you promised the explorer channel, Uh, a yoko film.
They gave you a budget and a time slot.
Well, we can do something else.
Paul, you tell me what you want to do.
What i want to do? Mm-Hmm.
O.
K.
'Cause i have a lot of ideas.
Mm-Hmm.
Ideas are never the problem 'Cause i'm, like, a fountain of ideas.
Um O.
K I was just thinking, What about you're in the chrysler building And there are falcons.
Hmm.
And it's windy! Yeah! Yes! [John and yoko singing.]
* all we are saying * * is * give peace a chance.
That's all we are saying.
* all we are saying * * is give peace a chance **
Remember, you get the larry plate, The moe plate, the curly plate, And as our gift to you at no charge, The classic shemp salad bowl.
Call before midnight and get a free navajo wallet.
No.
* tell me why * * i love you like i do * * tell me who * * can stop my heart as much as you * * let's take each other's hand * * as we jump into * * the final frontier * * i'm mad about you, baby ** All right, doggy It's tuesday, So you know what you get for breakfast? Look.
Same crap as every day.
[Jamie.]
is the water boiling yet? Not yet.
Oh.
See, you at least have your crappy dry cereal.
Me, not so much.
Do you see the stain? What stain? Good.
What do you think of this for a film Wildlife that lives in the city But has no business being there, Like the falcons that live in the chrysler building? And? Well, they're falcons, And they're in the chrysler building.
Yeah And? They're falcons, right? Aw, forget it, forget it.
Thought you wanted something The explorer channel's never done.
They did that? Well How about dolphin puppies? You'll think of something.
I'd better 'cause i'm 0 for 9 this week, And everybody in the office, They're rooting for me to fail.
They're like vultures there.
Hey, vulture puppies? We have nothing to eat.
Want some banana? Is it still good? No.
[Telephone rings.]
Yello.
Hiya, fran.
Hang on.
Your meeting's moved up.
You got to be there in 30 minutes.
How can i be there in 30 minutes? How can she be there in 30 minutes? He's the boss.
I don't care.
It's rude to change appointments I don't care.
It's rude to change appointments.
Grow up.
I am grown up.
He should grow up.
She is grown up.
He I thought i was doing a very good job.
I'll be there.
Here is how i'm going to find an idea for my film.
I am going to do a very exciting film on "Crop fungus.
" I'm glad you didn't finish this yogurt.
Who takes care of you? You do.
All right, here we go.
A terrific explorer channel-Type of film on A guy with no teeth holding a pig.
What is the date today? Oh, my god.
Look at this.
"Yoko ono announces she's doing a series of film happenings.
" Well, there you go.
What? Do that.
You know yoko.
I don't know her.
She liked that film you made.
That was two years ago.
I think that's a good idea.
A yoko film? Yes.
For the explorer channel? It's different.
If it was, you know, yoko wrestling a cougar.
Fine.
Or yoko tagging a wildebeest.
Fine.
Mock me.
I'm trying to help you.
You're wonderful.
It's just not a good idea.
Whatever.
Is there nutrition in cracker jacks? Yes and a little toy.
So, uh The falcons live in the chrysler building, right? Andand they think the gargoyles are their friends.
Uh-Huh.
And like that.
Interesting.
What else? I was thinking something about white-Water rafting.
Been done.
With each different season.
Been done.
O.
K.
, o.
K.
Um "A zoo.
" Something with a zoo.
I can't read my own writing.
Paul Has vulture puppies been done? Let's try this tomorrow.
I'm sure we'll think of something.
Let me just throw an idea at you.
Yoko ono is doing a series of film happenings.
Yoko? [Paul.]
yeah.
Yoko ono on the explorer channel? Ha ha.
Ha ha.
Ha ha.
I know it's not your usual kind I love it.
Really? It's different.
That's what i thought "Yeah, this is different.
" I like it a lot.
What do you think? Love it.
Great, wonderful.
Great.
I was kidding about the chrysler building.
And your two flunkies, you can Slap in the head.
Hey.
Hey.
Here's a little interesting piece of news for you.
Guess who Chocolate pudding? Guess who what? Guess who is filming the yoko ono thing.
You pitched them my yoko idea? Well Your idea.
I I worked out a thing with notes and thoughts.
I knocked them for a big, loopy loop.
Well, with my idea, but that's great.
That's great.
Well, they loved it.
Actually, allison did.
The rest can give me a kiss on the ass area.
Well, listen, they loved our yoko idea.
Know what else? Our yoko idea? You, me, our what's the difference? My yoko idea, but go ahead.
What? I had nothing to do with it? I suggested it as a thing for you.
Babe, i was reading the newspaper.
Yes, and i suggested it.
Yeah, but i decided to actually use the idea.
So the idea to use my idea was your idea? That's exactly right.
Know what else? Do we like this shirt? No.
What are you doing? I'm changing.
You just got home.
That's the "you know what else?" Part.
I'm meeting yoko tonight.
Tonight? At her house.
Oh, god.
What will i wear? To what? To yoko.
Babe, it's not one of those things.
This is a business meeting.
You'll meet her next time.
Are you kidding? What? I can't come? It's a business meeting.
"It's a business meeting.
" Don't do that.
If i were meeting pamela sue anderson From baywatch, i would let you come.
O.
K.
A no, you wouldn't.
And b You can't compare pamela sue anderson to yoko ono, Except that they're both carbon-Based life forms.
And c you don't bring a spouse To a business meeting.
You're going all the way to "c?" I'm not kidding.
Listen, mr.
Big fancy guy, That was my idea.
Why is that important to you? Secondly, this was my idea.
If it were up to me, i would take you.
Really? Of course.
I like it when you're with me.
I don't know if it's appropriate only 'cause it's business.
I think yoko ono would understand if you brought me.
Excuse me.
Don't tell me about yoko ono.
I told you about yoko ono.
Really? I'm going with you.
O.
K.
, but I won't tell her it was my idea.
That's not what i was saying.
What were you going to say? No, i'm not going to tell you.
Wow, honey, look at this.
Hey, what did i say about touching stuff? Here, catch.
Oh, relax.
Don't! I forgot she makes you take your shoes off.
I would have worn better socks.
Your socks are fine.
No.
These are, like, sneaker socks Masquerading as dress socks.
Isn't this beautiful? It's beautiful.
Put it down.
What do you think it is? It's a thing they make So that when you break it, you feel terrible.
Wherewhere was it? All right.
When she gets here, Don't ask anything about the beatles.
Honey, i know not to Nothing about the beatles.
It makes her crazy.
What are you, her best friend? I know what i'm talking about.
Ask her about her new album or her art.
Maybe she wants to make some weird art film With a roomful of people yawning for peace.
That shows how little you know about yoko.
She doesn't do that anymore.
She does very conventional stuff.
She's doing these great paintings and drawings Are you paying attention to me? Uh-Huh.
Get out of there.
Come here.
Listen, now She may ask us about our birthdays And where we were born.
There's a quiz? No, but she does that Before she works with somebody.
She's into that.
I know the date and place of my birth, So i'll be all right.
I'm a little nervous about my birthday.
Why? I don't think it's a good one.
What is the matter with you? It's just not good.
April 19th.
It's just such a nowhere birthday.
Did you know sandy duncan was born on the same day as hitler? Is that true? I'm pretty sure.
Why do you know that? I just do.
Really? And people still like sandy duncan, right? You'll be fine.
What do you think this goes for? Give me that.
Don't bite.
Sit down.
I'm sitting.
Sit down.
No touching and no staring.
And no mentioning the beatles.
Nothing about the beatles.
[I wanna hold your hand plays.]
Hi.
Hi.
Sorry to keep you.
Thank you for coming.
It's an honor to meet you.
And thank you for coming.
Well, it's my apartment.
Of course.
I meant thanks for coming in the room.
Yes, of course.
Hello.
Hi.
Sorry.
This is my wife jamie.
Nice to meet you.
I'm yoko.
Yoko ono.
I understand.
Very nice to meet you.
Please sit down.
And so you came together? Yeah.
If that's a problem Not at all.
Behind every great man, there's a greater woman.
Yes.
So true.
You know, if i had a creed, that would be it.
That would be your creed? So, May i tell you about my project? Please.
Please do.
Well, one day i was walking down columbus avenue.
I got excited with this thought Do you need to know my birthday? Why? I thought youyou do.
No.
Oh, o.
K.
, sorry.
Well, anyway, As i was saying about this 'Cause it's april 19th is what it is.
April 19th.
Yes.
You weren't born in new york? I was.
Ooh.
Is thatis that bad? Just kidding.
A little joke.
Yoko made a joke at my expense.
I saw that.
People never think i'm funny, But i can be funny, too.
No, i'm sure.
I suppose people have a certain image of you.
What kind of image? Whatthat they have? Uh, who knowyou know i supposeyou know Not that you were responsible for breaking up O.
K.
! That's all right.
What were you saying? I'm very excited with this project.
I think you're the filmmaker who can do it.
I'm awfully flattered.
What is the idea? I want you to film the wind.
The wind? Yes.
Film it? Yes.
Seriously? Well, that's a good idea.
Film the wind? I like it.
But you can't see wind.
So far.
Shouldn't you film things you can see? Anybody can do that.
To film the wind, that takes skill.
I'm going to ask you a question.
Answer me honestly.
If my sister suggested filming the wind, Would you do it? Yes.
Liar.
All right, that was a lie.
Just admit it.
It's a bad idea.
No.
You don't know.
Who's to say what's a good idea? You think when picasso showed his first cubist painting, Everybody said, "that's a great idea"? No, they said, "Two eyes are on one side of the head.
" But filming the wind? It could be great.
Yoko said "Yoko said.
" What? And you're going to fast? No.
I said i might try it.
'Cause yoko said "'Cause yoko said.
" When she starts a new project, She goes on a fast.
If we're working together, why wouldn't i try it? Why would you do that? What, like eating is working so terrifically? Have you ever been on a cleansing fast? Do you know what it feels like To not eat for five days? I'll let you know in five days.
If yoko said, "jump off the brooklyn bridge," would you? I wouldn't do it, necessarily, But i wouldn't dismiss it summarily.
Yoko said.
What? Film the wind? I think it's a great idea.
It's a brilliant concept.
How do you do that? What's that? Film the wind.
It's not written yet.
Is that turkey? Tuna fish.
Would you like some? No.
I can't.
I'm fasting five days.
I'm on day number two.
I'm getting a little bit of a buzz.
Paul.
What, yes? When you say wind, Could you be more specific? It's all in here.
I have a treatment.
I have a few things to run by legal, But i'm pretty sure wind is public domain.
Wow.
What? What? This is what it costs to film the wind? O.
K.
, you tell me.
How much does it cost to film wind? You tell me.
This costs more than the shark expedition.
Yeah, because anybody can film sharks.
Get into a cage, wave meat, They show up.
Try to get wind when you need it, Then talk to me.
That's my point.
What's your point? Because i don't follow you.
I don't understand.
We don't get it.
What don't you get? I don't understand what you don't get.
Wind, wind, as free as the wind.
I should write this down.
But when we film "the wind," What, exactly, will you be filming? You know what? Forget it.
Just forget it, o.
K.
? Forget the wind.
Forget the whole thing.
I'm so tired of the abuse and the questions.
I'm so tired Of the whole mickey mouse operation.
If you don't want to be part of this wind-Breaking project What did i say? This groundbreaking project, then fine.
We'll take it somewhere else.
I'm sure a&e Or the weather channel will be very happy.
Paul, look, i've spoken to the people upstairs.
They love that we got yoko.
They are bumping jacques cousteau for this.
Spend what you've got to spend, But remember, there's a lot riding on this.
Did you have bacon this morning? Ah, paulie, smell that.
What? The city, the crisp air.
This is what i want to get.
Wind, you know, like night wind.
Autumn wind, you know.
I was thinking for music underneath, check this out.
[Music playing.]
What is that? That's yoko's new album.
Oh, yeah? You like it, or you just sucking up? I like it.
You don't like it? I didn't say that.
You don't get it.
I don't get what? You don't get it 'cause it's art, Like this wind movie.
This wind movie is not art.
What, like you know? Know what art is? Tell me.
Art is the representation Of that which the mind can imagine But only the heart knows to be true.
Where did you get that, empire szechuan? What, you think you know everything about me? Want to know what else art is? This meatball hero from stromboli's.
Paulie, this olive oil you got to try it.
I can't! Yoko said "Yoko said"! You're driving yourself crazy here! Well, it's a big deal! I'm doing a film for yoko ono.
I don't want to screw it up.
And the explorer channel is all hot and bothered.
I have no idea what the hell i'm doing.
I'm on a roof filming wind.
Would you look at yourself? I was supposed to meet yoko half an hour ago! Eat something! Yoko said! Yoko said.
Hey! The wind! [Telephone rings.]
[Ring.]
Hello.
Paul? Paul, is that you? Slow down, honey.
You have to slow down.
I don't understand you.
O.
K.
Now you're slowed down, But you're speaking danish.
Yoko? What about yoko? I don't know.
I haven't checked the messages yet.
Hold on.
[Answering machine beeps.]
Paul, it's yoko.
7:20.
Guess you're on your way.
[Beep.]
Sweetie, did you hear that? It's 8:45.
And i'm not laughing.
[Doorbell buzzes.]
Hold on.
Don't move.
Who is it? Yoko.
Uh, just one second.
Paul, it's yoko! She's here! She's outsidewho is this? Where is the man who was just on this phone? Well, pick him up and put him on.
Never mind! Yokoyoko Hi, jamie.
Come in.
Have you seen paul? He was just on the phone.
He was supposed to meet me An hour and a half ago.
Please come in.
He said to apologize profusely.
He's on his way, and he'll explain when he gets here.
He said to trust him.
He has everything under control.
[Paul.]
yoko! Yoko! Then i would do a split To symbolize the split Between the male and female within us.
It was college.
I was more limber then.
Then, um, then i would I would slowly rise up and bring my legs together To symbolize the unity of our separate selves.
And then i ended with some leaps.
That's very nice.
Uh, may i use your phone? Sure.
I just want to get my messages.
If you want privacy, there's one in the bedroom.
God help me! I lost yoko! Sweetie I can't do this anymore.
My brain is fried, and i'm so hungry, I would eat my fried brain.
Sweetie I don't know what i'm doing! The wind is swirling around and getting in my eyes.
Sweetie! What? Aah! Yoko.
Hello, paul.
Hi.
Um So, uh [Sighs.]
How is everything? Well, you tell me.
Good.
It's all good.
Everythingahem It's allwhat is this? It this one of those armenian sandwiches i love so well? Yes, honey.
Want some? Paul.
Yoko, they have these little pickles.
They slice them, But you can get them in the store separately.
And they cut the eggplant Sweetie I can't.
I'm fasting.
No food! No food! Paul? Yes, yoko, i'm with you.
You don't have to film the wind, you know.
No, i'm going to I want to film the wind Really? It's only an idea.
It's no biggie.
I need a little more.
I think so.
Um, well this is so good.
I'm very glad to hear that, yoko, Because i don't know how to do it.
I'm out there trying.
I don't see it.
I don't think i'm fasting anymore.
Maybe it was just a bad idea.
Everybody's entitled to one bad idea.
You know, john once thought That ringo should be in the front.
And i just said, "John, come on.
" Well, you were right there, 'cause that's a bad idea.
But, honey, you promised the explorer channel, Uh, a yoko film.
They gave you a budget and a time slot.
Well, we can do something else.
Paul, you tell me what you want to do.
What i want to do? Mm-Hmm.
O.
K.
'Cause i have a lot of ideas.
Mm-Hmm.
Ideas are never the problem 'Cause i'm, like, a fountain of ideas.
Um O.
K I was just thinking, What about you're in the chrysler building And there are falcons.
Hmm.
And it's windy! Yeah! Yes! [John and yoko singing.]
* all we are saying * * is * give peace a chance.
That's all we are saying.
* all we are saying * * is give peace a chance **