Mom s04e06 Episode Script

- Previously on Mom - We caught Roscoe smoking marijuana.
- Oh, no.
- What? Roscoe, after everything you've seen me and your grandma go through, why would you do this? I'm sorry.
It was the first time.
I didn't even like it.
Ah, he thinks we're stupid.
What do you want from me? I said I'm sorry.
It's a crutch that people use when, you know, they're dealing with feelings they don't like.
I get it.
Is that why you did it? - The truth? - Yeah.
We were out of beer.
(tires screeching) He's 12-years-old, Marjorie, and he's getting high, and I can't help worrying he's gonna need his college fund for bail and then he's gonna find out I never started his college fund.
I know but Yeah but But I'm Well, if you're just gonna be calm and reasonable, I can't talk to you! Okay, here he comes, got to go.
Love you, too.
Hey, buddy.
Hey.
How'd therapy go? Fine.
What'd you think of Dr.
LaSalle? He's okay.
"Okay.
" That can mean a lot of things, like, "okay!" Or, (flatly): "okay.
" I like him.
Good.
- (engine starts) - Good.
I know I'm not supposed to ask what you talked about with your therapist, and I never would, but if you want to tell me, you can.
I know.
Operators are standing by.
What's an operator? Never mind.
Want to stop and get a slice of pizza? Maybe chat? No, I just want to go home.
I've been talking for an hour.
Sure, sorry, of course.
Talking for an hour.
Must've had a lot to say.
Did my name come up? (sighs) That's a yes.
Aren't you eating? I went to a lot of trouble for this dinner.
Hey, I had to park and go inside for extra sauce packets.
Sorry, I've got a lot on my mind.
Oh, relax.
He's seeing a therapist, he'll work it out.
What are you doing? Roscoe knows the rule If you're away from the table five minutes, your food's in play.
He has been in the bathroom a while.
Should I check on him? Not that this will stop you, but no.
Kids need space, take it from me.
Is that why I didn't see you my entire sophomore year? You're welcome.
Well, I'm not doing that.
Baxter gave him space and he started getting high over there.
Oh, come on, Christy, he was probably getting high here, too.
I'm checking on him.
Five minutes on your drumstick, the clock is ticking.
(knocking) Roscoe? What's goin' on in there? ROSCOE: What do you think? I'm going to the bathroom.
Taking you a long time.
ROSCOE: It's a number two.
Oh really, at this time of night? ROSCOE: This is when it wants out.
Well, you're certainly giving him plenty to talk to his therapist about.
What if he's smoking pot in there? - Roscoe, are you smoking pot in there? - No! You want to plant some weed on him like a dirty cop or can we go now? (toilet flushes) When you come out, I better smell poop! (door opens) Enjoy.
Put your shoes on, let's go.
- (TV playing) - Where are we going? Grandma and I are going to a meeting, and I'm not leaving you here alone.
(turns off TV) Why do you have to go to a meeting? Because if I miss one, I start to get a little crazy.
Start? Ready to roll? Just waiting for him to put his shoes on.
Why are we dragging him with us? Because I'm not comfortable leaving him here alone.
Why? There's nothing in the house.
What's he gonna do, smoke a bowl of Grape-Nuts? Don't give him ideas.
Get in the car.
Let me finish putting my shoes on.
(Bonnie sighs) Slower.
- Would anyone else like to share? - I would.
Hey, I'm Jill.
I'm an alcoholic.
OTHERS: Hi, Jill.
Christy, I hope your son's headphones are on nice and tight, 'cause I got some grown-up stuff I want to share.
Hang on.
Good news, Roscoe, you're adopted.
Share away.
(sighing): Okay.
So, I had dinner with an old boyfriend last night.
Thank you, Facebook.
I looked him up to see if he had gained any weight or lost his hair.
Turned out, he hadn't gained any weight but he had lost his wife.
Not to death, to divorce, so it wasn't super sad.
Anyway, we got together and I realized right away that he was still loud and obnoxious and crass.
Then I slept with him.
But I did it with a clear head and I knew where I was in the morning, so that's progress.
Way to go, sobriety.
Thank you.
- Who's next? - Christy wants to share.
- I don't need to.
- I disagree.
Tell her she can't make me share.
You can't make her share.
But I think you should.
(groans) Fine.
Christy, alcoholic.
OTHERS: Hi, Christy.
Well, I'm still having a problem with my son and as you can see, he's What the hell? Where'd he go? He walked out during Jill's share.
Why didn't somebody say something? What were we supposed to say? Well, don't look at me, I was dozing off.
Hey! Well, next time, don't slow-roll the sex part.
Am I the only sane person here? Roscoe! Roscoe! Okay, while Nancy Drew is solving this mystery, I'll go.
Bonnie, alcoholic.
OTHERS: Hi, Bonnie.
Well, you just got a glimpse into my life.
With my daughter in a constant state of panic, I find myself suddenly being the wise, old voice of reason.
And it makes me feel like Marjorie and I don't like it.
What? Your mom's looking for you.
I'm right here.
CHRISTY: Roscoe! Roscoe! - Should we tell her? - I don't want her back, do you? CHRISTY: Roscoe! Excuse me.
- You gonna go get her? - No, I'm going to the bathroom.
CHRISTY: I'm not saying you're a bad father, I just want to make sure he's properly supervised.
No, Baxter, I'm not overreacting.
What are you trying to do, quote the serenity prayer? 'Cause that's the lyrics to "Livin' on a Prayer.
" ANNOUNCER: He cuts to the middle.
- There he is, first down! - Got to go.
- 27 yard line, Michael - (Adam chuckles) What the hell's going on here? We're watching a game.
No, you're undermining everything I'm trying to do.
What are you talking about? I know what she's talking about.
Good luck.
- What's your deal? - Bup-bup-bup.
ANNOUNCER: at the slot, nice break.
(door slams) Maybe you don't know, but we are in a crisis with that young man and you're sitting here getting drunk in front of him! I'm not getting drunk.
I'm getting happy.
You're making drinking look cool.
I make everything look cool, it's what I do.
Don't you sass me! Don't you talk to me like I'm a six-year-old.
Nobody told me I can't drink in front of the kid.
What's going on? Why didn't you tell him he couldn't drink in front of Roscoe? Because that's stupid, - and I don't say stupid things.
- Sure you do.
Wait, we're on the same side.
Oh, so now there are sides? Everyone against me? We're not against you, it's just that you're trying to raise your kid like he's the boy in the plastic bubble.
Good movie.
John Travolta.
People didn't really respect his acting chops coming off of Kotter, but he showed some serious range in that.
What is wrong with you? Sorry, sorry.
Turns out I am a little drunk.
All right, new rule: no more beer in the house, ever! - What about - No weed either! (groaning) And if he's coming over, I need to know about it ahead of time! - Why? - Because I need to know! Okay, you're way over the line.
Don't you tell me I'm over the line! A couple of years ago, the only lines you knew went up your nose! Crazy never takes a day off here, does it? So it turns out, my old boyfriend is a little less divorced than I was led to believe.
What does that mean? He's happily married and his wife was out of town.
I guess that's the end of that.
Well, that's the obvious move.
I'll keep you posted.
- Where's your mom? - Who cares? Oh, no, don't tell me you two are bickering.
Back me up here.
Her boyfriend was drinking beer in front of Roscoe.
That's a huge problem, right? I don't think so.
Wow.
Et Tu, Marjorie? Someone wants us to know they're going to college.
Of all people, I thought you'd see what I'm up against.
Well, Christy, you have to know that watching your son every minute of the day is not the answer.
I think you're wrong.
I think it's the perfect answer.
You know when I was a little girl, my parents gave me a baby duck.
I named him Lucky.
This better go somewhere, Wendy.
Hang on.
I was so afraid that something would happen to my little baby duck, I took him with me everywhere.
Seriously, I'm a woman on the edge.
He had a cage in the backyard, but I was worried coyotes would eat him, so I brought him to bed with me.
And? And I accidentally rolled on top of him in my sleep, and that was it for poor Lucky.
So you're saying I could kill my son by caring about him? I think she's saying, in her own adorable way Thank you.
that it is possible to love something too much.
You really think I need to stop seeing that guy? Hang on, Jill.
I mean, his wife's not back till Tuesday.
Christy, is there a chance that you're going past mothering into smothering? You know, Marjorie, just because it rhymes doesn't make it good advice.
Oh, I've been wanting to say that for so long.
You're carrying around so much anger about your mother, about your son.
Have you thought of trying Al-Anon? I don't want to go to Al-Anon.
All those people do is bitch and moan.
All right, I'll say it.
You'll fit right in! I just think it would help you put your focus on yourself instead of the things you can't control.
Unbelievable.
I come to you with serious concerns about my child, and you give me more meetings and dead ducks.
It was just one dead duck, and he had a name! - What? - Nothing.
- It's just - (sighs) When I got sober, I began to understand the damage that I'd done to my kids while I was drinking.
And it haunts me.
I beat myself up about it every day.
And so I just wonder what it must be like for you to not have any of those feelings about yourself.
It's okay.
(door opens) - Hey, bud.
- Hey.
We're all done, but I'd love to talk to the two of you for a few minutes.
Roscoe, you can wait here.
By himself? Yeah, I saw it.
Please.
So I've talked to Roscoe a few times now, and I've also spoken to some of his teachers, and I feel confident that he does not have a drug problem.
Oh, that's terrific.
An actual doctor says he doesn't have a problem.
You are an actual doctor, right? I am.
I'm only asking 'cause in California any clown can hang a shingle.
What are you basing that on, what Roscoe says? He can lie to you just like he lied to us.
That's true, but I've been doing this a long time.
I've also been sober for 22 years, and I think that what we're seeing with Roscoe is typical experimentation.
A 12-year-old smoking pot hardly seems typical.
It's not as unusual as you might think.
You were 12.
I was 11, and you're not helping.
So, what, you expect me to go home and pretend this is no big deal? - I think what Dr.
LaSalle is saying - Hey! I'm not spending $150 an hour to hear from you.
Can you promise me that this isn't gonna lead to a bigger problem down the line? No, I can't.
But I can tell you that your son's trying very hard to rebuild his trust with you.
Well, it takes a long time to get my trust back.
I'm going into my third decade.
Christy, I know what you're going through.
My husband and I have teenagers ourselves.
It's a scary world, and you want to protect them from everything.
But sometimes all you can do is stay close and let them find their own way.
Well put.
Hey, while we're here, I've been having a recurring dream where I'm at a a big fancy banquet, and there are a lot of important people there, but I can't for the life of me find a place to pee.
What do you think that means? Mom! Roscoe.
Oh, sorry, I thought we were done with him.
Roscoe, wait here.
I'm gonna talk to your dad before you go in.
You mean yell at him? Would you rather I yell at you? Take your time.
Put those down.
Are you gonna yell at me, too? No.
I think your mom's done enough of that for both of us.
I just want to know how you're doing.
Everybody keeps asking me that.
I'm fine.
You know what, that's probably true.
I think you are fine.
You do? Yeah.
Your biggest problem is you come from a crazy family.
BAXTER: Oh, for God's sakes, Christy! I'm not putting a surveillance camera in his room! And you have every reason to be mad at your mom and dad.
And even me.
- I am kind of sometimes.
- I totally get it.
I spent most of my life pissed off at the world.
So I got high, I made bad choices, and then I got even higher to forget the bad choices.
Your mom wasn't much different.
She was mad at me, so she did a lot of dumb things.
Thank God both of us got our lives together.
BAXTER: Yes, there's wine in the cellar, beer in the fridge, and thanks to you, Xanax in the medicine cabinet! My point is the best thing you can do is take your anger and turn it into something positive.
In fact, if you really want to be a rebel in this family, don't waste your time getting high, do well in school and succeed in life.
I guess I can do that.
And if the goal is just to piss off your mom, make a lot of money and buy Grandma a condo.
BAXTER: You kicked me! I can't believe you kicked me! Maybe everyone's mad at me, but I think I'm handling this really well.
Everyone is mad at you, and you're not.
Disagree.
I'm a mama bear fiercely protecting her cub.
Yeah, or you're a middle-aged drunk who's projecting her fears about herself onto her son.
Hey, I'm not middle-aged till next March.
Where'd you come up with this stuff anyway? I've been going to Al-Anon.
Why? Because I live with an alcoholic who drives me nuts.
Me? So, wait, you're going to meetings to deal with me? I go to meetings to deal with a lot of stuff.
But, yeah, mostly you.
How long has this been going on? Not long.
Two years.
Why are we stopping? 'Cause I'm going to an Al-Anon meeting.
You want to come? - No, I would not.
- Fine.
You're not gonna try to talk me into it? No.
I'm leaving that up to you.
'Cause I can't control anyone else's life, I can only control my own.
And, yeah, that can be really scary, especially when it's your kid and you love them very much.
And that's what I learned at Al-Anon.
Anyway, I'll see you in an hour.
- Try not to get abducted.
- Wait.
Do they have coffee? Yeah, but I wouldn't drink it.
- Fine, I'll go.
- Great.
Oh, just a heads up.
You're kind of famous in this meeting, but not in a good way.
What?! What did you say about me?! When I left the house this morning, my wife was already three drinks in.
I know I'm not supposed to count, but I just happened to notice.
And when I was walking out, she asked me if I would call in sick for her.
But I didn't do it.
You see, because she's not sick.
I mean, she is, but in a different way.
It used to be that I would spend the whole day just worryin' about her, about us and what was gonna happen.
But I actually wound up having a good day.
Went to work, had lunch with some friends, came here, and I'll deal with home when I get there.
Anyway, thanks.
LINDA: We have time for one more.
Would our newcomer like to share? Oh.
Okay.
Hi.
I'm Christy and I'm - What am I here? - You're Christy.
- That's it? - That's enough.
Go.
Right.
Uh I don't know what to say exactly.
I guess what's happening is, uh my 12-year-old son's been smoking pot and drinking beer.
And I'm I'm just really, really scared.
(quietly): She's usually a lot more annoying.