My Name is Earl s04e06 Episode Script
We've Got Spirit
WE'VE GOT SPIRIT It used to be, the best part about finishing a meal at the Crab Shack was that you were finished with a meal at the Crab Shack, but Darnell was making a few changes.
Can I tempt you fellas with some desserts? Strawberry shortcake.
Fancy.
We're trying to class the place up, this was easier than get rid of that smell.
That strawberry shortcake sure does look good, huh, Earl? I don't like strawberries but I'm gonna take that German chocolate.
I don't like strawberries, too.
I didn't realize that's what was in it.
Chocolate sounds better, and German is one of my favorite flavors.
You boys finish up your homework.
Don't do too good a job at it, Mama needs that summer school for free day care.
I gotta draw something I think is beautiful for art class, and I can't think of anything.
What about a butterfly, or a rainbow, or the small of Denzel Washington's back? I drew something beautiful, Mom.
Who is that? Her! Please tell me somebody slipped you a shot of vodka.
She's mine.
Oh, she's fine.
That's mine! That's mine right there.
Come on! Check it out A dude cheerleader! They should put a skirt on him like the rest of the girls, and stuff his bra, and put lipstick on him.
It wasn't the first mob I had ever seen turn on a male cheerleader, and it reminded me of something on my list.
Where you going? Didn't you hear? I'm the new backpack inspector.
George Orwell, you sure were right about 1984.
What's this? Oh, my God.
Kenny wants to be a cheerleader! No, I don't! I was gonna audition for the football Sock mouth.
Nice, Randy.
But you already crossed Kenny off.
Remember? You made him gay.
I crossed "I always picked on Kenny James" off my list, but "kept Kenny from his dream of cheerleading" is an different item.
Then "made Randy drink toilet water when he was eight" and "made Randy drink toilet water when he was ten" better be two separate list items.
Dios mio! What's wrong with you? Keep talking, I'm gonna cut off that hair! That beautiful, beautiful hair.
At Kimmi Himler Cheer Academy, you, too, will be able to tuck, toe touch, tumble, fly and basket toss with the best of them.
Each camp session includes an end-of-session cheer-off.
Come for the cheer, stay for the friendships.
Friendships not guaranteed by camp.
We've got spirit, yes, we do! We've got spirit, how 'bout you? How 'bout you? You? So I checked with the camp they said they're okay with a grown man staying in dorms with teen girls.
You just have to sign a "no statutory rape" waiver.
I told them you were gay, but they said they're not falling for that again.
Oh, well, that's so nice of you, but that cheerleading flier wasn't mine.
I've been trying to tell you that was There was a reason Randy kept sticking socks in Kenny's mouth.
Kenny didn't want to be a cheerleader.
Randy did.
Turns out, I only knew half the story.
Say anything and I'll kill you.
For a gay guy, you sure do have a good memory.
Randy, I didn't know you wanted to be a cheerleader.
Come back so we can talk about this! That's what girly guys like to do right? Talk about stuff? I'm in here.
So am I.
Randy wanting to be a dude cheerleader seemed kind of crazy, but looking back, he'd given me plenty of clues.
Cockroach.
I'll have the number two special.
What would you like to order, Randy? Number one! That's the last beer.
I'll go get another case.
Come on.
How long do you think you're gonna stay? These bubbles are going fast, Kenny doesn't like anyone else to see Chester.
Stuart! Put a washcloth over Chester! Randy, you're on my list now, I can't cross you off until I send you to cheerleading camp.
So you can make fun of me? - Tell him you want to go, too.
- No! I'm a man.
It's the only way Randy will do it.
He follows whatever you do.
How many years were you Batman and Big Batman for Halloween? Kenny was right.
Randy does do everything I do.
And if I was gonna cross him off my list, we were going to have to be cheerleader and big cheerleader.
I made fun of dude cheerleaders 'cause I kinda wanted to be one, too.
I just didn't think I could make it.
You're just saying that.
I love cheering.
My whole life I've dreamed of owning a pom.
- Pom-poms.
- Yeah, two poms.
In fact, I've been sneaking off to cheer for years, but mostly in the shower, so I've never tried anything advanced 'cause of how slippery it is in there.
That's why I wear my shoes when I shower.
Do you still want to be a cheerleader? Yep.
That's why I'm gonna go to this camp with or without you.
I don't know much about this camp, but it sounds spec-tac-ular! Kenny taught me to say it that way.
Ready? When we were kids, I destroyed Randy's dream of becoming cheerleader, which probably kept Dad from kicking him out of the house, but I still needed to make it up to him.
And while we were going after Randy's dreams, Joy was trying to replace Catalina in her son's dreams.
Hey, sweetheart.
Yes, baby? You look old.
You look old! Camp was already a nightmare for me, but for Randy, it was a dream come true.
My name is Skyler.
If you go high, then I'll go higher.
My name is Randy, and I like candy, and I like corn dogs.
Hello, cheermates! And welcome to the Kimmi Himler Cheer Academy! My name is Kimmi Himler.
What's wrong with your face?! Apparently we have some new campers with us today.
Turns out, Kimmi Himler was once the captain of the Nathanville Community College Fighting Badger cheerleading squad.
We are badgers! B- A-D-G-E-R-S! We're bad, we're badgers! And her senior year, they ditched the guy in the suit and got a real badger, which they didn't really think through.
He's gone! The badger's gone! Okay, everything's going to be okay.
As long as none of them girls are on their period.
The point is, I never stopped cheering.
Even after the attack when they had to stick an eight-inch rabies needle directly into my stomach once a week for six months.
Who else has that kind of spirit? Mary Lou Retton! Anyway, everyone find your hometown and you'll find your cheer squad, okay! What a team.
Great, just what this team was missing two old dudes.
Okay, teams! Ready, set, go! What's going on? We're supposed to be forming a pyramid.
Come on, Earl.
Get on.
Don't even bother.
Last place gets last dorm pick.
As usual, looks like last place is going to go to Camden! Perfect as usual, Nathanville.
Thanks, Mom.
Maybe they'll give us a nice dorm because of your situation.
No, we got the crappy ones last year and I was pregnant then, too.
Cheer camp was going to be harder than I thought.
And so was changing Dodge's mind.
Blonde hair and blue eyes is rare, so it's considered a treasure of the human race.
It's what World War II was about.
Why do you think the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor? Jealous.
Oh, come on.
You just like her 'cause she's the same color as pancakes.
Even though we would be sleeping in the third-floor janitor's closet, they did let us help our teammates get moved into their rooms.
It's not that bad.
If it makes you feel better, I don't think that urine smell is from humans.
These are the bunks that Camden gets every year because we always come last in everything.
Randy, you know if we're going to lose anyway, maybe we should just pack up our tiny, tight, itchy cheer pants and go.
We can't quit.
We've got more competitions.
And at the end of the week, we cheer in front of a real crowd.
They'll yell back any letter you ask them to, even the hard letters.
What's the point of being in front of a crowd when we're going to suck? Speak for yourself, robo-face.
I don't suck.
Cool it, Juno.
You suck worser than she do.
Every time you do a split, I'm afraid your little mistake's going to pop out.
This pregnancy was not a mistake.
At the time, Coach Barnes and I were in a committed relationship.
That's not what I heard.
Eat it, chicken fat-ass! Stop it! Stop calling each other names! Come on, Preggers, Headgear, Chunk, Black Girl! You know why Badger Face treats us so bad? Because people expect Camden folks to act this way to turn on each other.
Me and Earl have been dreaming about being cheerleaders our whole lives, but we never did anything about it because we let what other people thought control us.
Right, Earl? Yep.
And now I'm going to be a cheerleader, no matter how stupid and girly and embarrassing that is.
Who cares what other people think? I'm here to do whatever it takes to be the most best cheerleader I can be.
Me, too! Maybe, this year, the football team will finally invite me to a party that's actually happening.
That's the spirit, Headgear.
Look at all the good things about our squad.
Like, Preggers is actually two cheerleaders in one, and I can lift people really high.
I was impressed with Randy.
He wasn't just cheering, he was leading.
After Randy's speech, a funny thing happened.
The girls all went to bed that night as "I"s, and woke up as a team.
After a few hours, we weren't just a team, we were a squad.
Which, later, someone told me meant the same thing as team.
And our skit could only be described as raggedy-awesome.
Our team is boom, dynamite.
Tick, tick, tick, boom, dynamite.
Our team is boom, dynamite.
By the end of the day, we had put the other squads on notice.
Camden was here to cheer.
That big guy has the spirit of ten cheerleaders.
Mommy will take care of it.
Sorry, I have bad news.
I went through the rule book, adult men can't participate in the camp.
So P-A-C-K up your crap and go! I guess I won't get to cheer in front of a real crowd after all.
But Kimmi owns the camp.
She can change the rules.
It doesn't matter, Earl.
The president owns the country, but he doesn't make the rules.
Pilgrims make the rules! I'd argue, but History is the only subject he's better than me at.
I didn't know exactly how I was going to change Kimmi's mind about kicking me and Randy out, but I knew I had to do something.
Nothing is going to change my mind.
Now, excuse me, Meg Ryan's about to find out who's been sending her mail.
It's Tom Hanks.
Over the years, I've come to know the signs of a lonely woman.
No wedding ring, sappy movie, half gallon of ice cream, one spoon, and a face horribly disfigured by a runaway badger.
I had to do whatever it took to give Randy his chance to cheer.
Listen, Kimmi.
I'm not really here for my brother.
I'm here 'cause I'm lonely.
L O N-E-L L Y.
Lonely.
You've got mail.
You want it? And so I did what had to be done.
Unfortunately, Kimmi was flexible, so no matter what position we were in, we were always face-to-face.
Is your eye going to drip every time you blink? Guess so.
We're back in.
I need a hug.
I had resorted to desperate measures, and I wasn't the only one.
Baby, what are you doing? Just spraying on some glitter before I go read Dodge his bedtime story.
Can you hand me my fishnets? Good God! This Catalina thing is making you crazy.
What is so crazy about a mama wanting her son to think she's sexy? Everything! Boys aren't supposed to think their mothers are sexy.
Maybe a couple weird dreams during puberty you don't tell anyone about, but that's it.
I'm not just going to sit back and lose my son to some skeevy señorita.
He's not going to run off with Catalina.
Even if she was 8, I doubt she'd want you as a mother-in-law.
Catalina's just the flavor of the week.
It'll be some other girl, and some other girl, and, before you know it, he's 16 and has a family of his own, and then Then he won't need me at all.
Baby, it doesn't matter how many girls he has.
He only has one mama.
- He'll always need you.
- You don't know that.
Darnell fancied himself a good parent, and sometimes, when you want to help someone you love who's hurting, you have to hurt someone else you love to make it right.
Mommy! Mommy! The fan fell on me for no reason, and it was on! Oh, it's okay, sweetie.
I'm here.
I'm always going to be here.
It was the final performance, and, after staying up for two nights practicing, the Camden squad was ready to go.
Unfortunately, my stomach was, too.
You okay, Earl? I'm feeling a little nauseous.
If you have to hurl, you should go outside.
We'll lose points if they think you're doing it to lose weight.
Over the week, I had gotten used to doing cheerleading around a bunch of other cheerleaders, but, when I thought about getting up in front of a real audience, my stomach was the one doing back flips.
What's up, loser? Randy sent us a postcard saying ya'll were having a lot of fun at cheer camp.
I do not say this enough.
You are a douche bag.
Sorry about the camera.
But with all the things Joy's let me record, I'd have been rude to deny her this.
Anybody else knows about this? Oh, my God! - I can't do this.
- What? Joy brought a ton of people from the Crab Shack.
They got camcorders! We're going to look stupid and ten pounds heavier.
So what? This is our dream, Earl.
Not mine.
Just yours.
I just lied so I could cross you off my list.
- That was a horrible thing to do.
- You know what's a horrible thing? Trying to satisfy a double-jointed woman while getting squirted with eye milk.
I did that for you, but that's it, I'm done.
If you're done, I'm done.
No, Randy.
That's how all this started.
Look, all you do is follow me.
You can't just do what I do your whole life.
If this is your dream, then you do it on your own.
You're right.
I get what you're saying.
I'll do it, but only if you do it with me.
Oh, damn it, Randy! This is what I'm talking about.
We ain't go on * without you.
We got spirit, yes we do.
We got spirit, how about you? The Kimmi Himler Cheer Academy presents Team Camden! I do got spirit.
Yes, I do! Thank you, Lord, for the gift we are about to receive.
Let's go! Are you pressing play? Press play! Randy Hickey for Homecoming Queen! Shake your pom-poms, cutie boy! You wouldn't be smiling if you knew how stupid you looked! We put this on YouTube as soon as one of us figures out how to use a computer! Your vagina's showing! My whole life, Randy's followed me.
He's always been by my side.
You could say he's been my cheerleader.
And, well, I figured for once I should be his.
Bang, bang, choo-choo train.
Come on, Camden, do your thing.
- We can't.
- Why not? My back is aching, my skirt's too tight, my booty's fat from left to right.
That don't sound like Camden spirit.
I know you got it, come on, let's hear it.
Bang, bang, choo-choo train.
Come on, Camden, do your thing.
Get it, get it, get it, get it.
Got it, got it, got it, got it.
C-A-M.
C-A-M-D-E-N.
Camden! We weren't the best squad that camp had ever seen, but we were the best squad Camden had ever seen.
And that was all because of Randy.
Nice job, cowboy.
The veterinarian who drains my eye is in Camden.
I'm there every Friday.
I'm going to look you up.
Later that day, I realized there were probably a lot of other things Randy would enjoy doing but didn't try because of me.
Like strawberry shortcake.
But, fortunately, I wasn't the only one realizing that.
Here's your strawberry shortcake.
I put the tartar sauce on the side, I feared you might regret that decision.
And maybe Randy had a thing or two to teach me.
Jarick & loky
Can I tempt you fellas with some desserts? Strawberry shortcake.
Fancy.
We're trying to class the place up, this was easier than get rid of that smell.
That strawberry shortcake sure does look good, huh, Earl? I don't like strawberries but I'm gonna take that German chocolate.
I don't like strawberries, too.
I didn't realize that's what was in it.
Chocolate sounds better, and German is one of my favorite flavors.
You boys finish up your homework.
Don't do too good a job at it, Mama needs that summer school for free day care.
I gotta draw something I think is beautiful for art class, and I can't think of anything.
What about a butterfly, or a rainbow, or the small of Denzel Washington's back? I drew something beautiful, Mom.
Who is that? Her! Please tell me somebody slipped you a shot of vodka.
She's mine.
Oh, she's fine.
That's mine! That's mine right there.
Come on! Check it out A dude cheerleader! They should put a skirt on him like the rest of the girls, and stuff his bra, and put lipstick on him.
It wasn't the first mob I had ever seen turn on a male cheerleader, and it reminded me of something on my list.
Where you going? Didn't you hear? I'm the new backpack inspector.
George Orwell, you sure were right about 1984.
What's this? Oh, my God.
Kenny wants to be a cheerleader! No, I don't! I was gonna audition for the football Sock mouth.
Nice, Randy.
But you already crossed Kenny off.
Remember? You made him gay.
I crossed "I always picked on Kenny James" off my list, but "kept Kenny from his dream of cheerleading" is an different item.
Then "made Randy drink toilet water when he was eight" and "made Randy drink toilet water when he was ten" better be two separate list items.
Dios mio! What's wrong with you? Keep talking, I'm gonna cut off that hair! That beautiful, beautiful hair.
At Kimmi Himler Cheer Academy, you, too, will be able to tuck, toe touch, tumble, fly and basket toss with the best of them.
Each camp session includes an end-of-session cheer-off.
Come for the cheer, stay for the friendships.
Friendships not guaranteed by camp.
We've got spirit, yes, we do! We've got spirit, how 'bout you? How 'bout you? You? So I checked with the camp they said they're okay with a grown man staying in dorms with teen girls.
You just have to sign a "no statutory rape" waiver.
I told them you were gay, but they said they're not falling for that again.
Oh, well, that's so nice of you, but that cheerleading flier wasn't mine.
I've been trying to tell you that was There was a reason Randy kept sticking socks in Kenny's mouth.
Kenny didn't want to be a cheerleader.
Randy did.
Turns out, I only knew half the story.
Say anything and I'll kill you.
For a gay guy, you sure do have a good memory.
Randy, I didn't know you wanted to be a cheerleader.
Come back so we can talk about this! That's what girly guys like to do right? Talk about stuff? I'm in here.
So am I.
Randy wanting to be a dude cheerleader seemed kind of crazy, but looking back, he'd given me plenty of clues.
Cockroach.
I'll have the number two special.
What would you like to order, Randy? Number one! That's the last beer.
I'll go get another case.
Come on.
How long do you think you're gonna stay? These bubbles are going fast, Kenny doesn't like anyone else to see Chester.
Stuart! Put a washcloth over Chester! Randy, you're on my list now, I can't cross you off until I send you to cheerleading camp.
So you can make fun of me? - Tell him you want to go, too.
- No! I'm a man.
It's the only way Randy will do it.
He follows whatever you do.
How many years were you Batman and Big Batman for Halloween? Kenny was right.
Randy does do everything I do.
And if I was gonna cross him off my list, we were going to have to be cheerleader and big cheerleader.
I made fun of dude cheerleaders 'cause I kinda wanted to be one, too.
I just didn't think I could make it.
You're just saying that.
I love cheering.
My whole life I've dreamed of owning a pom.
- Pom-poms.
- Yeah, two poms.
In fact, I've been sneaking off to cheer for years, but mostly in the shower, so I've never tried anything advanced 'cause of how slippery it is in there.
That's why I wear my shoes when I shower.
Do you still want to be a cheerleader? Yep.
That's why I'm gonna go to this camp with or without you.
I don't know much about this camp, but it sounds spec-tac-ular! Kenny taught me to say it that way.
Ready? When we were kids, I destroyed Randy's dream of becoming cheerleader, which probably kept Dad from kicking him out of the house, but I still needed to make it up to him.
And while we were going after Randy's dreams, Joy was trying to replace Catalina in her son's dreams.
Hey, sweetheart.
Yes, baby? You look old.
You look old! Camp was already a nightmare for me, but for Randy, it was a dream come true.
My name is Skyler.
If you go high, then I'll go higher.
My name is Randy, and I like candy, and I like corn dogs.
Hello, cheermates! And welcome to the Kimmi Himler Cheer Academy! My name is Kimmi Himler.
What's wrong with your face?! Apparently we have some new campers with us today.
Turns out, Kimmi Himler was once the captain of the Nathanville Community College Fighting Badger cheerleading squad.
We are badgers! B- A-D-G-E-R-S! We're bad, we're badgers! And her senior year, they ditched the guy in the suit and got a real badger, which they didn't really think through.
He's gone! The badger's gone! Okay, everything's going to be okay.
As long as none of them girls are on their period.
The point is, I never stopped cheering.
Even after the attack when they had to stick an eight-inch rabies needle directly into my stomach once a week for six months.
Who else has that kind of spirit? Mary Lou Retton! Anyway, everyone find your hometown and you'll find your cheer squad, okay! What a team.
Great, just what this team was missing two old dudes.
Okay, teams! Ready, set, go! What's going on? We're supposed to be forming a pyramid.
Come on, Earl.
Get on.
Don't even bother.
Last place gets last dorm pick.
As usual, looks like last place is going to go to Camden! Perfect as usual, Nathanville.
Thanks, Mom.
Maybe they'll give us a nice dorm because of your situation.
No, we got the crappy ones last year and I was pregnant then, too.
Cheer camp was going to be harder than I thought.
And so was changing Dodge's mind.
Blonde hair and blue eyes is rare, so it's considered a treasure of the human race.
It's what World War II was about.
Why do you think the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor? Jealous.
Oh, come on.
You just like her 'cause she's the same color as pancakes.
Even though we would be sleeping in the third-floor janitor's closet, they did let us help our teammates get moved into their rooms.
It's not that bad.
If it makes you feel better, I don't think that urine smell is from humans.
These are the bunks that Camden gets every year because we always come last in everything.
Randy, you know if we're going to lose anyway, maybe we should just pack up our tiny, tight, itchy cheer pants and go.
We can't quit.
We've got more competitions.
And at the end of the week, we cheer in front of a real crowd.
They'll yell back any letter you ask them to, even the hard letters.
What's the point of being in front of a crowd when we're going to suck? Speak for yourself, robo-face.
I don't suck.
Cool it, Juno.
You suck worser than she do.
Every time you do a split, I'm afraid your little mistake's going to pop out.
This pregnancy was not a mistake.
At the time, Coach Barnes and I were in a committed relationship.
That's not what I heard.
Eat it, chicken fat-ass! Stop it! Stop calling each other names! Come on, Preggers, Headgear, Chunk, Black Girl! You know why Badger Face treats us so bad? Because people expect Camden folks to act this way to turn on each other.
Me and Earl have been dreaming about being cheerleaders our whole lives, but we never did anything about it because we let what other people thought control us.
Right, Earl? Yep.
And now I'm going to be a cheerleader, no matter how stupid and girly and embarrassing that is.
Who cares what other people think? I'm here to do whatever it takes to be the most best cheerleader I can be.
Me, too! Maybe, this year, the football team will finally invite me to a party that's actually happening.
That's the spirit, Headgear.
Look at all the good things about our squad.
Like, Preggers is actually two cheerleaders in one, and I can lift people really high.
I was impressed with Randy.
He wasn't just cheering, he was leading.
After Randy's speech, a funny thing happened.
The girls all went to bed that night as "I"s, and woke up as a team.
After a few hours, we weren't just a team, we were a squad.
Which, later, someone told me meant the same thing as team.
And our skit could only be described as raggedy-awesome.
Our team is boom, dynamite.
Tick, tick, tick, boom, dynamite.
Our team is boom, dynamite.
By the end of the day, we had put the other squads on notice.
Camden was here to cheer.
That big guy has the spirit of ten cheerleaders.
Mommy will take care of it.
Sorry, I have bad news.
I went through the rule book, adult men can't participate in the camp.
So P-A-C-K up your crap and go! I guess I won't get to cheer in front of a real crowd after all.
But Kimmi owns the camp.
She can change the rules.
It doesn't matter, Earl.
The president owns the country, but he doesn't make the rules.
Pilgrims make the rules! I'd argue, but History is the only subject he's better than me at.
I didn't know exactly how I was going to change Kimmi's mind about kicking me and Randy out, but I knew I had to do something.
Nothing is going to change my mind.
Now, excuse me, Meg Ryan's about to find out who's been sending her mail.
It's Tom Hanks.
Over the years, I've come to know the signs of a lonely woman.
No wedding ring, sappy movie, half gallon of ice cream, one spoon, and a face horribly disfigured by a runaway badger.
I had to do whatever it took to give Randy his chance to cheer.
Listen, Kimmi.
I'm not really here for my brother.
I'm here 'cause I'm lonely.
L O N-E-L L Y.
Lonely.
You've got mail.
You want it? And so I did what had to be done.
Unfortunately, Kimmi was flexible, so no matter what position we were in, we were always face-to-face.
Is your eye going to drip every time you blink? Guess so.
We're back in.
I need a hug.
I had resorted to desperate measures, and I wasn't the only one.
Baby, what are you doing? Just spraying on some glitter before I go read Dodge his bedtime story.
Can you hand me my fishnets? Good God! This Catalina thing is making you crazy.
What is so crazy about a mama wanting her son to think she's sexy? Everything! Boys aren't supposed to think their mothers are sexy.
Maybe a couple weird dreams during puberty you don't tell anyone about, but that's it.
I'm not just going to sit back and lose my son to some skeevy señorita.
He's not going to run off with Catalina.
Even if she was 8, I doubt she'd want you as a mother-in-law.
Catalina's just the flavor of the week.
It'll be some other girl, and some other girl, and, before you know it, he's 16 and has a family of his own, and then Then he won't need me at all.
Baby, it doesn't matter how many girls he has.
He only has one mama.
- He'll always need you.
- You don't know that.
Darnell fancied himself a good parent, and sometimes, when you want to help someone you love who's hurting, you have to hurt someone else you love to make it right.
Mommy! Mommy! The fan fell on me for no reason, and it was on! Oh, it's okay, sweetie.
I'm here.
I'm always going to be here.
It was the final performance, and, after staying up for two nights practicing, the Camden squad was ready to go.
Unfortunately, my stomach was, too.
You okay, Earl? I'm feeling a little nauseous.
If you have to hurl, you should go outside.
We'll lose points if they think you're doing it to lose weight.
Over the week, I had gotten used to doing cheerleading around a bunch of other cheerleaders, but, when I thought about getting up in front of a real audience, my stomach was the one doing back flips.
What's up, loser? Randy sent us a postcard saying ya'll were having a lot of fun at cheer camp.
I do not say this enough.
You are a douche bag.
Sorry about the camera.
But with all the things Joy's let me record, I'd have been rude to deny her this.
Anybody else knows about this? Oh, my God! - I can't do this.
- What? Joy brought a ton of people from the Crab Shack.
They got camcorders! We're going to look stupid and ten pounds heavier.
So what? This is our dream, Earl.
Not mine.
Just yours.
I just lied so I could cross you off my list.
- That was a horrible thing to do.
- You know what's a horrible thing? Trying to satisfy a double-jointed woman while getting squirted with eye milk.
I did that for you, but that's it, I'm done.
If you're done, I'm done.
No, Randy.
That's how all this started.
Look, all you do is follow me.
You can't just do what I do your whole life.
If this is your dream, then you do it on your own.
You're right.
I get what you're saying.
I'll do it, but only if you do it with me.
Oh, damn it, Randy! This is what I'm talking about.
We ain't go on * without you.
We got spirit, yes we do.
We got spirit, how about you? The Kimmi Himler Cheer Academy presents Team Camden! I do got spirit.
Yes, I do! Thank you, Lord, for the gift we are about to receive.
Let's go! Are you pressing play? Press play! Randy Hickey for Homecoming Queen! Shake your pom-poms, cutie boy! You wouldn't be smiling if you knew how stupid you looked! We put this on YouTube as soon as one of us figures out how to use a computer! Your vagina's showing! My whole life, Randy's followed me.
He's always been by my side.
You could say he's been my cheerleader.
And, well, I figured for once I should be his.
Bang, bang, choo-choo train.
Come on, Camden, do your thing.
- We can't.
- Why not? My back is aching, my skirt's too tight, my booty's fat from left to right.
That don't sound like Camden spirit.
I know you got it, come on, let's hear it.
Bang, bang, choo-choo train.
Come on, Camden, do your thing.
Get it, get it, get it, get it.
Got it, got it, got it, got it.
C-A-M.
C-A-M-D-E-N.
Camden! We weren't the best squad that camp had ever seen, but we were the best squad Camden had ever seen.
And that was all because of Randy.
Nice job, cowboy.
The veterinarian who drains my eye is in Camden.
I'm there every Friday.
I'm going to look you up.
Later that day, I realized there were probably a lot of other things Randy would enjoy doing but didn't try because of me.
Like strawberry shortcake.
But, fortunately, I wasn't the only one realizing that.
Here's your strawberry shortcake.
I put the tartar sauce on the side, I feared you might regret that decision.
And maybe Randy had a thing or two to teach me.
Jarick & loky