New Tricks s04e06 Episode Script

Look.
It's all written down.
I know how you love your lists.
It's even colour-coded.
Monday, that's today, is blue.
Tuesday, green.
Wednesday, red.
Thursday's purple.
- I thought you were coming back on Thursday.
- Yes, in the evening.
But I've prepared you a meal in case I'm late.
Well, why would you be late? I don't know.
Traffic.
It'll be all right.
Now, look.
You've got your favourite food in the boxes.
And the instructions, how to heat them up, are all there on the list.
All right? I'll call you as soon as I get there.
Esther.
Mm? - Have a good time.
- It'll be all right, Brian.
Everything is written down on the list.
There's nothing to worry about.
I've left all your breakfasts there.
When you've had today's, give the bowl a rinse.
Scampi.
Come on, let's go for a walk, shall we? Come on.
Come on, that's it.
Do you take sugar? Huh! How long have we worked together? Right.
Do you want the bad news or the bad news? What? Strickland's just told me that he's brought the deadline for the audit forward.
- To when? - Friday.
- So we have to start the paperwork right now.
- They can't do that.
Gerry, after last year they can do anything they like.
Our paperwork was um - How did Strickland put it? - A total shambles.
It's not going to be like that this time.
The new systems we've put in place should make it easy for us to account for every penny we've spent.
But what about our proper work? No new cases until after the audit, I'm afraid.
I didn't know accountancy was part of our job.
Anyway, I've got to get upstairs for my meeting with Strickland, so, please, get started.
What new systems? Buggered if I know.
- And where's Brian when you need him? - Good question.
Scampi, come on! Come on, come on.
I should be in work by now.
Stop that! Stop now! Oh, stop! Hello? Hello? Are you all right? What is it? Look! What, are you OK? He's Bones.
Human bones.
Oh, my Oh, God.
Leave it.
Scampi, leave Scampi, drop it! Come on, put that down now.
Put that down! # It's all right, it's OK # Doesn't really matter if you're old and grey # It's all right, I say, it's OK # Listen to what I say # It's all right, doing fine # Doesn't really matter if the sun don't shine # It's all right, I say, it's OK # We're getting to the end of the day Right here, sir.
Got your box of tricks there? Now, if I were you Mr Lane.
Mr Lane! Do you remember the storm last week? Yes.
It brought down that tree, you see.
Must have been a Force ten storm, then.
A tree being uprooted would qualify as a Force ten on the Beaufort scale but if you look closely, you'll see it's diseased.
So it only took a Force nine.
As the tree fell over, the roots tore up the ground, loosening the soil.
Making it possible for Scampi to find the skeleton.
Yes, that's my working hypothesis too.
Mr Lane? - Yes? You're with the police, right? - If I can just ask you a couple of questions? - No, you can't.
Thank you.
Bloody reporters.
Psst.
Where's Sandra? She's upstairs with Strickland.
Whoa.
You'll never guess what happened to me this morning.
You found a body buried on the common.
What? You made the early edition of the local rag.
Page three an' all.
Oh, yeah.
Come on, then.
Who's the bird? She's called Alice Sandwell.
I met her on the common this morning.
Cor dear.
Esther only left this morning.
He's at it already.
You can't trust anybody these days.
Oh, bloody hell.
That idiot reporter says I'm in charge of the case.
She's coming! Here, here, here.
- Brian, right.
- Sorry I'm late.
- I found a body.
- Yeah, I know, and I'd love to hear all about it but I need you to concentrate on the paperwork.
They've brought the audit forward.
- Ah.
- Yes.
This body I thought there might be a chance I could be seconded to the investigating team.
Not a chance.
I need you here.
So I can reassure Strickland there's no problem? Yes, of course.
Thank you.
And, Brian, get rid of the dog.
Hello.
Brian Lane.
Yeah, well, don't put him through.
Yes, sir.
Hello.
Hey, now, can I just stop you there, sir? One, we haven't yet ascertained the sex of the body and, two, I think you're labouring under the misconception that I'm in charge of this case.
No.
Can I ask you why you wanted this information? Mm-hm.
And your name is? No, it'sjust for the records.
It's purely routine.
Hello? Are you there? Gone.
- What was all that about? - An anonymous caller wanting to know the sex of the corpse.
- Strange.
- I'll put a trace on the call.
That can wait! And tell the front desk to stop putting people through to you down here.
This is not our case.
Our case is to get this audit sorted out.
The guv'nor's upstairs.
Chop chop.
Let's get on with it.
Yes, sir.
Whoo.
So, while she's upstairs, you're the boss, are you? Well, somebody has to be in charge.
So who's your second in command? - What? - Who's second in command? Brian.
- Why? - Because he is the mathematical genius.
He is going to be leading the way through this audit crap.
In that case, Jack, I'll need all your forensic request forms, please.
Give us a minute.
- And, Gerry, I need your time sheets.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I'll need them for cross-referencing purposes.
While you're at it, stick the kettle on.
No.
I'm going out to have a cigarette.
Hello.
Brian Lane.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hang Madam, can you just calm down, please? Now, listen, I'm not in charge of the case.
I know I was in the paper but Listen, madam, just give me your name and I'll try Right.
Jackie Right.
Got that.
And I'll pass it on to the people in charge.
Thank you.
Gone.
Stay.
- Where are you off now? - Developments.
Well, don't leave the dog! Oh, he'll be all right.
Gerry! Oh, shit! Given the new deadline, I cannot stress too highly the need to avoid last year's fiasco.
Yeah, I know that, sir.
But with Brian leading the way, everything will be in order and on time.
- Here he is, leading the way.
- Brian? Where are you going? I'm just popping these messages through to the boys in Murder.
Thanks to the gentlemen of the press, Joe Public thinks I'm running the Hackdale Common case.
- Have you not heard? - Heard? There's no case, Brian.
Since when? Since the pathologist found that the bones were over 600 years old.
- 600? - A murdered medieval maiden, apparently.
Late medieval, actually.
Yes, well.
The perfect UCOS investigation if you didn't have your nose to the financial grindstone.
Grindstone.
"Late medieval"! How are you doing, Gerry? Isn't it amazing how neutral acidity in the soil can preserve a skeleton in almost perfect condition for hundreds of years? - Fascinating.
- Your point being? That skeleton I found this morning was a woman dating from the late medieval period.
So, late medieval.
That was yes, probably the Black Death.
were dying from the Black Death.
- Now it's boredom.
- Your point being, there's no murder inquiry.
- So that's that.
- Not quite.
That woman who rang in earlier asking about it was one Jackie Small.
Not the wife of the late Bobby Small, major villain of this parish? Could be.
She was in a hell of a state.
Now, why would the widow of a cut-throat gangster be at all interested in a bag of bones? Maybe she thought she knew who they belonged to.
That's what I was thinking.
Someone her horrible hubby topped? - Worth checking, isn't it? - Certainly is.
- I'll go.
- Hang on.
No, the Smalls and I go way back.
I found that body.
All right, we'll both go.
Here, Jack, sort that lot out for us, will you? And log some of these receipts for me, will you? Oh, and if the dog does a poo, clean it up before Sandra sees it.
Thanks, Sister.
See you tomorrow.
Afternoon.
Friends in high places, eh? Can I help you? I'm Brian Lane.
This is Gerry Standing.
- Are you policemen? - Don't you remember me, Jackie? No.
Sorry.
I spent a lot of time trying to nick your late husband.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
- Left you a fine old legacy, eh? - Yeah.
How much blood money does a gaff like this cost? Are you here about the body on the common? Yeah.
You'd better come in, then.
Biscuit? No, thanks.
I want to confess.
To anything in particular? A murder.
Now why would a smart cookie like you say something stupid like that? Because absolution isn't enough.
I realise now, I need to be punished for my sins.
Is this a wind-up? No, I killed a girl.
When? Seven years ago last Christmas.
And you're telling us this due to some religious conversion? I can't carry the guilt around any more.
What is this, Candid Camera? I murdered a 19-year-old girl called Tina Murphy.
No, she bloody didn't.
And you are? Laura.
- I'm her daughter.
- Oh.
Last time I saw you was in court.
- Ah, you're coppers.
- Yeah.
marching around in her own little mink coat while her dad walked on a manslaughter charge.
Great British justice for you.
No, that's a nobbled jury for you.
What are you doing here? Your mother's just confessing to a murder.
Oh, yeah? - That's cos she's sick in the head.
- No.
The stupid cow doesn't know what she's talking about.
She's on antidepressants.
Poor girl.
Chucks them down, then goes on about all this.
They found the body on the common.
- Really? - Yeah.
It was on the radio.
The body's 600 years old.
- But - See, she's completely confused.
Started getting worse since my dad died, then she got into religion, started going on about all this murder stuff.
Left me to run the house since I was 15.
Oh.
Can you hear the sound of violins? Jackie, do you think you're ready to make a statement? - Well - No, she's not.
I think your mother can speak for herself.
No, she can't.
Can you get out now? Go on, get out.
I'm serious, you know.
She's away with the fairies.
We'll be the judge of that.
What are you going to do, put the squeeze on her? You what? Sting her for a few grand to keep your mouths shut.
You've got the wrong fellas, sweetheart.
You know what? I do recognise you.
Yeah? You were on my father's payroll along with the rest of them.
Just another copper for sale.
Let's get out of here.
Look, Brian, I may have cut a few corners here and there, but I never took any money off of that scumbag.
You took your time! Scampi! How'd you get on? Jackie Small has confessed to the murder of a young woman called Tina Murphy.
Really? Yes, really.
Trouble is, there's no outstanding murder investigation into any Tina Murphy.
She said she killed her in 2000 and buried her on Hackdale Common.
Haven't you brought her in to make a statement? No, we tried.
But her daughter put the mockers on it.
Said she's sick in the head with depression.
- And is she? - Maybe.
- But it doesn't mean she's not a killer.
- No, no.
- Here, look, allow me.
- Oh, thank God.
I tell you what, this spreadsheet's gonna be a cracker even if I say so myself.
Right, Gerry, have you got those time sheets yet? - Sod the time sheets.
- We have got to get these accounts sorted out.
Strickland is breathing down our neck as it is.
- Jack, this is a murder! - Yes, I know.
All right, all right.
Listen.
Let's suppose that Jackie Small's telling the truth and that poor girl's buried somewhere near our ancient cadaver.
- Scampi's already found one body.
- Well, he's not bloody Lassie! No, but it's worth a try, innit? - What about the accounts? - I'll stop here tonight and work on the books.
Would you? It's a bit strange at home anyway with Esther away.
That's great.
In the morning, you can take Scampi out and I can see what I can find on Tina Murphy.
Yeah.
Is that all right, boss? I didn't Scampi, this way, come on.
Go on, boy.
Hello! Oh, Mr Lane.
Nice to see you again.
Hello! What are you up to? Oh, rhodie bashing.
Sorry? We're removing the rhododendron.
- What, from here? - Yeah.
Oh, my Esther loves them.
They're all well and good in a domestic setting but out here in the wild they're a right pain in the neck.
- Really? - Oh, they dominate the environment.
They make it impossible for indigenous flora.
Oh, are you forestry management? - No.
No, I'm a professor of biological science.
- Get away.
My speciality is studying how plants evolve and change to adapt to their local environment.
Oh, what you might call population dynamics? Ecodiversity? You've said it.
My undergraduates have marked out the entire area.
Fantastic.
Come and have a look.
And I'll show you how we study the fresh migration patterns.
You know, Brian might be right.
There is no record of a Tina Murphy being murdered or even reported missing.
Maybe nobody cared enough to notice.
Maybe.
So, no body, no missing person.
You'd better have another go at that Jackie Small.
And have you got those time sheets for Brian? Yeah, at home.
Where is Brian? He went out for a battery.
What? For his calculator.
Why can't he use the calculator on his computer? - Well, he insists on using his own.
- Present from Esther, apparently.
Anyway, Strickland wants to come down for a progress report at three.
Ah, that gives me time to nip home, then.
- What for? - My time sheets.
And I'll go and see if I can track down Brian.
How long does it take to buy a battery? Ah, you know what he's like.
See you at three.
Those are my sampling areas.
Now it's just a question of waiting to see what happens.
Whereas I suppose you are trying to discover what did happen.
It's extraordinary, isn't it? A body hidden underground for 600 years.
Yeah.
I wonder how she died.
Well, I'm afraid we'll never know.
I'd love to have got my teeth into it.
But there won't be an investigation.
It's all pounds, shillings and pence these days.
Isn't there any way of finding out more? I do so hate not getting to the bottom of things.
Same here.
Brian.
- Brian.
- Jack, I got sidetracked.
- I'm sorry to interrupt - This is - Alice Sandwell.
- Professor Alice Sandwell.
How do you do? Jack Halford.
Mr Bartlett.
Hang on.
Mr Bartlett.
Would you excuse us? All right, Josh.
Coming.
That call I had traced That was from a Bartlett.
Well? - Wait.
- Brian.
- Mr Bartlett? - Yes? Sorry to disturb you.
That's quite all right.
This lot yours? It's a community programme I help run.
Most of these kids don't even realise they've got all this green space on their doorstep.
- Very commendable.
- Thank you.
Mr Bartlett, your mobile phone number it's 0770900632.
Yeah, that's right.
You rang the police about the body we found.
I'm Brian Lane.
I take the boys nature orienteering.
I wanted to know if there was any restriction on my movements.
You wanted to know about the sex of the body.
Well, it was female.
And 600 years old, I know.
- Why were you so interested in the gender? - Curiosity, I suppose.
And your reluctance to give us your name? I was just in a bit of a hurry.
Right.
OK.
- Thank you.
- Thank you very much.
Bye.
Oh, come on, boys.
At least let's try and take this seriously.
She told me not to talk to you.
Thinks I'm losing my mind.
I can't find any trace of Tina Murphy.
If she is dead, no-one's missed her for seven years.
It doesn't surprise me.
She was a loner.
Worked cash in hand in one of Bobby's pubs.
After she started, you couldn't keep him away from the place.
She was sleeping with him? I didn't want to lose him.
So you killed her? No.
Well, make up your mind.
I hired someone to do it for me.
You hired someone? Who? I didn't want to say.
That's between him and his conscience.
Do you want me to investigate this or not? He said he buried her on the common.
That's why I thought you'd found her.
Jackie, you're not giving me anything to go on.
Well, can't you just dig until you find her? Just dig? What, the whole common? It's hard enough getting them to pay my petrol bills.
Bobby dropped dead a month after I had Tina killed.
He went to the doctor's with backache.
He was riddled with cancer.
The nuns have made me realise that's part of my penance but it's not enough.
There's a stain on my soul for ever unless you punish me for that girl's death.
Then give me a name, so I can prove it.
No.
This is about me.
Nobody else.
The name Neil Williams mean anything to you? Yeah.
Local MP and property developer.
Went missing in 1993.
Body never found.
His business partner, Michael Evans, was convicted of his murder four years later.
Even I remember that.
It was a time-share scam, wasn't it? - Smarmy-looking sod.
- What about him? - I ran a check on your Mr Bartlett.
- And? Andrew Bartlett was Neil Williams' next-door neighbour.
Get away.
- Was he a suspect? - No, but he was questioned when Williams disappeared.
And now he's ringing up in a flap wanting to know the sex of the body in the woods? And Michael Evans has spent the last nine years in jail protesting his innocence.
Hurry up, we've got visitors.
You see, that goes in the description column and that in the amount column.
Oh, afternoon.
As you are aware, sir, my team have been working round the clock preparing for the audit and I'm sure they're now ready to give you an update on their progress so far.
Er Brian.
Yes, well, thus far we've accounted for all expenses on training, on travel, office equipment and forensic work.
Excellent.
And? Yes, the next area we need to analyse and assess is the dent we've made in the centrally-funded informants budget.
Right.
Well, keep up the good work.
Actually, I've designed a rather novel data by function spreadsheet, which allows you to cross-reference as you collate.
Let me show it to you.
Brian, it's really not necessary.
- It won't take a minute.
- No, but it all seems very thorough.
Oh, yes, it is, I assure you.
Right, well, keep at it.
- And if any discrepancies do - You'll be the first to know, sir.
Well done, Brian.
You bored him into submission.
What do you mean? It is fascinating.
Right, cut the crap.
What's going on? Jack? - We've got a new case.
- Two.
I turn my back for one minute.
Jackie Small.
- Bobby's wife? - Exactly.
Now, she thinks the body is Tina Murphy, who she had topped for screwing her husband.
The only problem is, no-one's noticed that Tina's missing.
- And she's hardly a reliable witness.
- You said two.
Remember local MP Neil Williams? Disappeared in the mid-'90s.
- Oh, yeah, the time-share fraudster.
- That's right.
And his business partner Michael Evans was sent down for it.
Well, when Brian found that skeleton, Williams's next-door neighbour, one Andrew Bartlett, started to ask questions and we thought we'd better find out why.
Look, I know this all sounds a bit far-fetched.
It sounds like Scooby-bloody-Doo.
So it's back to the paperwork, is it? Brian.
Can you assure me that we'll be ready for those auditors? Absolutely.
Let me show it to you.
No, you go ahead and work your magic.
Jack, talk to Bartlett.
Gerry and I will visit Jackie Small.
- Are you sure? - Oh, yes.
I'm a copper, not an accountant.
- Oh, and I'm stuck here.
- Go on, you love it! They're moving out.
So you spent a few years trying to put Bobby Small away, did you? Yeah.
Trying and failing.
The arsehole bought himself out of trouble What's she doing? Oi! Laura, what do you think you're doing? The mad bitch is selling up.
Yeah, I can see that! Wants to give the profit to the bloody penguins.
- To the what? - The local nuns.
Take it easy! This house is all I've got on my inheritance.
Yeah, well, my heart bleeds for you.
Is your mother inside? Leave her alone.
You stupid pigs! You're just going to lie anyway.
Christ, you're your father's daughter, all right.
Jackie? Ah, Jackie.
This is Detective Superintendent Pullman.
Oh Oh I'm too tired.
I'm sorry, love, but we need the name of that hit man, OK? Now, come on, what was his name? Oh, shit! How many of these have you taken? She was just a kid.
- Guv'nor.
- Yeah.
I'll call an ambulance.
Come on, stay awake, Jackie.
Come on.
- Give us a name.
- Hi, it's DS Pullman Jackie, come on, who killed Tina Murphy? Louis.
What? Louis.
Louis who? - What's going on? - Johnson.
Louis Johnson? Mum! Cheers.
Excuse me, Mr Bartlett.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
Right, boys, you carry on with that.
I'll be back in a sec.
It's just that we're following a new line of inquiry into the death of Neil Williams.
Er well, his partner was convicted of killing him eight or nine years ago.
According to our records, both you and your wife were interviewed when he disappeared.
Well, he was our next-door neighbour.
- Were you friends? - Hardly.
You said you went to parties at his house.
Well, once or twice, yes, but they were rather large affairs.
We'd barely speak to him.
- So you weren't a friend of Williams? - No.
Not really.
- And your wife? - No more than me.
I wonder if I could talk to her.
She passed away.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't realise.
- Nearly three years ago.
- Brain haemorrhage.
- I see.
If you need more information about Neil's death, wouldn't you be better off talking to his killer? Mr Evans? - Who are you? - Jack Halford.
I'm reinvestigating the murder of Neil Williams.
What was your name again? Halford.
I don't remember you from when they arrested me.
- No, I'm new to the case.
- Oh.
- I'm sorry? - That's the first time they arrested me.
I wasn't charged until three years later.
Detective Inspector Potter.
That was the name.
He seemed determined to prove it was me.
And you've always maintained your innocence.
- I was an architect.
- I know.
Of my own downfall.
Can you tell me about the day of the murder? All I ever did was to draw up the plans for the property.
How was I supposed to know Neil never intended to build them? He fooled me, same as he fooled the clients.
Mr Evans, can you tell me what happened on that day? The night I found out he was a fraud, I was mortified.
Horrified.
I got drunk.
I admit that.
And I went round to confront him, to tell him that I wanted no part of it.
We had a bit of a scuffle.
He fell over and he cut himself.
I helped him up and then he threw me out.
And that was the last time I saw him alive.
A passer-by heard the shouting and they found traces of Neil's blood on my clothing.
That's why I'm in here now.
Thanks.
Well, keep me informed, will you? Cheers.
- How is she? - After all that, it wasn't even an overdose.
- You're kidding? - No, she mixed up her pills.
The one she took was seven years out of date.
That's why she conked out.
Dozy mare.
Do you actually know this bloke? Yeah, I've nicked him a couple of times.
He's really small fry, you know? I can see that.
Come on.
He's just finished a two-stretch for bouncing bent Beemers.
Gerry Standing.
Detective Superintendent Pullman.
Louis Johnson.
Your probation officer said you'd gone up in the world.
Can we come in? Welcome to the Presidential Suite.
Sorry about the chairs.
- Don't worry about it.
- The Chippendales are arriving tomorrow.
Nice to see that your palatial surroundings aren't getting you down.
No chance.
It's not for long anyway.
- It's just till I can find a bit of work.
- Legit, I hope? - Of course.
- Talking of which Yeah, a little bird told us that seven years ago you did a job for Jackie Small.
- Who? - Come off it, Louis.
- I don't know what you're on about.
- Jacqueline Small.
- Widow of Bobby.
- Well, I know who Bobby Small is.
But I've never had the pleasure of working for him, or his wife.
Ooh.
- Nice motor.
- Cheers.
It's my pride and joy.
- Still got it? - I wish! You suit the uniform.
Tina Murphy.
- What? - Does the name mean anything to you? No.
- Come on.
- Look, I wouldn't lie to you, Gerry.
So I couldn't hire you as a hit man, then? Hit man? Me? Are you sure I want a pint of whatever youse lot are on.
So how do you cope inside? - They gave me a job in the library.
- That was very good.
That was after I got stabbed.
Stabbed? Bumped into the wrong person in the lunch queue.
They can smell fear in this place.
Tell me, what do you know about Andrew Bartlett? - The next-door neighbour? - Yes.
Nothing to say, really.
He's quite a pleasant sort of chap.
And how did Neil find him? Oh, he used to make fun of him and his wife.
Yeah, he nicknamed them "the Stiffs".
I often wondered what he called me behind my back.
Well, why "the Stiffs"? Because they were quiet, decent people.
Neil didn't like that.
Why not? I remember him saying he had designs on them.
Designs? He was a great one for seduction.
"The tougher the nut, the better the crack," he used to say.
And did he manage to crack Mrs Bartlett? Not to my knowledge.
You've been very helpful, Michael.
Thanks for your time.
- Evans.
- Wait.
- What? - Do you think he did it? It's very early stages in the investigation.
- Is he a suspect? - Everybody is a suspect.
Oh, God.
Are you all right? Tell me you think he did it, that I might stand a chance of getting out of here.
I'm sorry, Michael.
I've got to go.
Oh, this is a nice surprise.
I brought some soup.
Oh.
Lovely.
Here, boy.
So, have you found out anything more about our body? Yes, well, I've managed to extract a fair bit from our pathologist.
Ooh.
Excellent.
- Shall I? - Yes, please.
- Mm.
It smells good.
- Mm.
Thank you.
Mm.
This isn't out of a tin.
Wild mushrooms.
Picked them myself.
- There was no need, you know.
- You said your better half was away, so Yeah.
She needs a break from me occasionally.
Oh, I'm sure that's not true.
Well Anyway Yes.
Spill the beans.
Well, the pathologist says, that judging by the pubic symphysis, she was a teenager.
Really? That young? Also, the spread of the pelvic bone indicates a late-stage pregnancy.
Oh, poor girl.
The strange thing is, the foetal skeleton is absent.
Well, maybe she'd just given birth.
But she hadn't gone the full term, remember.
He also said that there was a slight nick at the bottom of her ribcage.
Like a knife wound? It's a possibility.
So maybe someone removed the baby.
Do you have children? No.
My work has taken me all round the world.
And by the time I realised I wanted a family, there was no-one to have it with.
Well, the pathologist has done me a bit of a favour.
Using the precise dimensions of the skull, he's created a digital artist's impression of how she might have looked.
Here.
Oh! Pretty little thing, isn't she? We should give her a name.
How about Guinevere? - I like it.
- Right, then.
Guinevere it is.
Thank you, Mr Bartlett.
That's very good of you.
See you in about an hour.
Pulling Bartlett in for a little chat.
Gonna rattle his cage a bit.
Good.
Where's Brian? - He should be here preparing for the audit.
- Ssh.
Doesn't like going home when Esther's away.
- What is that smell? - Well, it's not the dog.
Guv'nor.
- Yeah? - This is everything I could find on Bobby Small.
That's from police surveillance to press.
Everything, right? Now, there's no mention of Tina Murphy in any of the police files but this young woman keeps popping up in the snaps from '99 onwards.
- Tea, anyone? - Please.
- I will.
Yes, please.
- Not for me.
Morning, Brian.
Oh, morning.
Look at this! Lying little toerag.
He was working for Bobby Small.
Whoa.
Someone left in a hurry.
Yeah.
Oi, oi! You've been telling porkies, haven't you? Not me, Mr Standing.
- You worked for Bobby Small.
- Yeah.
Agh! Get out of the way! Out, out! Oh, shit! Oh! Agh! Ow! Argh! Oh! Don't worry about me.
Get him, get him! He's gone.
But he dropped this.
If I can find Jackie Small's number in here then we can prove a link between them.
Well? No.
Nothing.
Bollocks! Bleedin' waste of time! I see from the payroll records that you've claimed 132 hours' overtime in the last financial year.
And? Exactly 11 hours each month.
Yeah, well, I'm a creature of habit.
Even so, it looks a bit odd, doesn't it? The same amount of hours every month? Eyebrows will be raised.
Oh, will they? Well, let them.
Look, I've given Sandra my personal assurance this'll be sorted out by tomorrow.
So I need your time sheets now.
- All right, all right! - Right now, Gerry.
All right! Here you go.
Sodding time sheets.
Oh, what a mess! Most of these are empty.
Yeah, well, I got a bit behind doing them, then I just guessed how much overtime I'd done.
Couldn't you have varied them a bit? Look, I'm probably losing a good few quid in wages.
You know what they'd call this? Fraud.
Fraud? Well, as I said, we're pursuing a new line of inquiry and we're very grateful for any help you can give us.
And as I said, I don't see how I can be of any help.
These parties you used to go to at Neil Williams' place What about them? Did you ever get involved in any kind of domestic dispute with him when you were there? No.
- Are you sure? - Positive.
How about Marjorie? - Sorry? - Did she? Er no, I don't think so.
A lot of people seem to think that he was a good-looking sort of a fellow.
- If you like that sort of thing.
- Did Marjorie find him handsome? - She never said.
- She might have done.
What are you insinuating? Nothing.
I've come here today of my own volition to help you with your inquiry.
And we're very grateful.
How would you like me to start making lascivious comments about your late wife? How did you know about my wife? Oh, no, no.
I didn't Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
Look, all I'm trying to do is make sense out of Neil Williams' life.
Well, I'd appreciate it if you could do so without sullying my wife's memory.
I just want to establish her relationship with the victim.
I've nothing further to add.
OK.
We'll leave it at that for now.
Neil Williams is buried somewhere near that log cabin.
Otherwise, why did Bartlett panic when those bones turned up? I think his wife was sleeping with Williams, Bartlett found out and did him.
This is all circumstantial.
We can't go randomly digging.
- We need to have more evidence.
- I know that.
Yes! Why didn't I think of it before? What? I know someone who might be able to tell us where your body's buried.
Statistically, a murderer generally gets rid of a body no more than 200 yards from the site of the killing.
What, so if someone was killed in that cabin, they could be buried close by? Exactly.
So, Alice, we want you to cast your eye over this area, your expert eye, and see if you can spot anything out of the ordinary.
We're looking for any signs of ground that might have been dug up a dozen years or so ago.
Well, I'm flattered by your confidence but I'm not sure that I can justify it.
We have an audience.
This environment is constantly evolving.
It's in a state of permanent flux.
We think the body was disposed of in late spring.
Oh, the common is a beautiful sight in late spring.
Covered in bluebells.
Native bluebells.
So if someone dug a big hole, it would leave a considerable bare patch? Oh, yes, it would.
Hang on a minute.
There is something I've always wondered about.
Come and have a look at this.
Prunus laurocerasus rotundifolia.
Yes, that That might provide your answer.
- What, this stuff? - Yes, it's a vigorous evergreen shrub.
It grows at great speed almost anywhere as long as it's left unchecked.
And it is definitely not native to this area.
- Does it self-seed? - Oh, no.
Absolutely not.
So somebody planted this? To cover a cleared patch.
That would certainly be my guess.
Alice, you're a genius.
Sandra.
I think we've narrowed the field of search.
And if we play our cards right, our friend Bartlett might help us to narrow it even further.
OK.
Thanks, Jack.
Keep me posted, yeah? Right, bye.
What? I'm sorry, guv'nor.
I've got to talk to you about something.
It - Is that you? - No.
Well, it's not me.
Hello.
Who's that? Er Louis.
Where are you? My place.
I thought you'd done a bunk.
Yeah, well, I've moved.
I'm just checking.
Did you say eight or nine tonight? Eight o'clock tonight.
- In the Green Wood? - That's right.
I'll see you there.
Where the hell is the Green Wood pub? Look it up.
I'll drive.
Well done, Alice.
Spot on.
Hiya.
Oh, not again! - All right, guv? - Yeah.
Er - Who are you? - Hello, Tina.
Perhaps it's third time lucky.
He's found something! Agh! Oh, God! Come on.
Bartlett! - Run into an old friend, did we? - No.
No.
God.
Guinevere's baby.
- Are you saying that's not you? - Yeah.
Well, I'm saying it is.
You are Tina Murphy.
That might be Tina Murphy.
I'm not.
- You were Bobby Small's lover.
- My name's Pauline Webster.
- Tina Murphy.
- Pauline Webster.
If she is Tina Murphy and you were paid to take her out, what went wrong? Dunno what you're on about.
Yeah? Cheers.
Interview suspended at 11:30pm.
Well, I fancy a cup of tea.
How about you, Tina? Sorry.
Who? Can you identify that woman? You owe Jackie Small a refund.
And us an explanation.
I used to do the odd driving job for Bobby.
Anyway, boom.
One night he's booked me to pick Jackie up.
She was rat-arsed.
Started asking about hiring a hit man.
Said she was willing to pay 50 grand.
Nice work if you can get it.
I could have started a fleet of motors with that money.
So I gave her some blarney about being a marksman in the army.
- Were you ever in the army? - What do you think? So she gave you the job? Did you ever intend to carry out the hit? I had it planned.
But I'm no killer.
So you gave Jackie her money back? - No.
- Thought not.
How do you back out on a deal with Bobby Small's wife? I told Tina what was going on and gave her half the dosh to disappear.
- What about your half? - I gave that to charity.
Local Bookies' Benevolent Fund.
They will start searching in the morning.
It will help you if you start to cooperate.
I've got nothing to say.
If Neil Williams is buried there, they will find him.
I wish Marjorie was here.
All right, then.
Let's see what the morning brings.
I did it.
I found them together.
Here of all places.
I blew my top.
I stabbed him.
I buried him in the woods.
What did Marjorie do? She stood by me.
Kept it secret all those years.
She felt she owed me that much.
Tina is refusing to press charges and without her evidence the CPS are unlikely to prosecute.
I just can't believe she's still alive.
It's a miracle.
A miracle? God's answered all my prayers.
So can we stop with all this house sale crap now? It's too late.
I've found a buyer.
- What? Who? - The Church.
- Made me a very fair offer.
- Oh, you are not giving it to those bloody nuns.
- They're going to use it as a retreat.
- Oh, no, Mum Sorry, love, but my mind's made up.
She should get done for giving away everything Dad built.
Stole.
Much as I loved him, we all know your dad was a thieving old bastard.
- We'll leave you to it.
- Yeah, see you.
See you.
Last Man Standing.
It's a long time since anyone called me that.
Considering she was completely vitriolic towards her mum over the murder stuff, when she thought she was ill, then she was she was genuinely quite upset.
Look, guv'nor, er Did you wonder why she called me Last Man Standing? Yes, I did.
Well, I'd just started in CID and everyone in my squad - everyone - was taking a backhander off of Bobby Small.
Except me.
Last Man Standing.
My mates sent me to Coventry.
Not one of them spoke to me.
It was the worst time in my life.
And in the end I couldn't handle it any more.
I I gave in and put in for a transfer to Vice.
I've never thought you were bent, Gerry.
Thanks, guv'nor.
But that makes it even worse.
I've done something really stupid.
They treating you all right? As well as can be expected.
They found Neil Williams' body, not two feet from where you were digging.
In the dark, it was confusing.
The laurel had spread everywhere.
I couldn't find him.
I would like you to tell me in your own words exactly what happened on the night of May 10th, 1993.
Um it was bad weather.
I just called by to check that the cabin was OK and there they were.
On the table.
I grabbed a knife from the drawer and - You stabbed him? - Yeah.
- Where? - In the back.
And the neck.
How? Sorry, I Just show me how you Like this.
You were considerably taller than Neil Williams.
A couple of inches, maybe.
I've just had a word with the pathologist.
He reckons that the marks on the victim's vertebrae suggest that he was stabbed by a much smaller person.
You know, reaching up like this.
How tall was Marjorie, Andrew? I hope you won't be offended when I tell you that I don't believe a word of your story.
Neil Williams ruined my life.
I was happy until he came along with his easy charm and his his appetites.
He saw right through me the first time I met him.
He told me so.
I became a challenge.
He wouldn't rest until You had an affair with him? I remember the first time.
"Mission accomplished," he said.
And Marjorie found out? I hate the word "gay".
There's nothing gay about homosexuality.
For me it was a curse.
All I wanted was Marjorie.
Then he appeared.
How did she kill him? Exactly as I said.
Only the roles were reversed.
Marjorie's gone.
Why didn't you tell the truth? I've worked with children all my life.
If people found out that I'd used that cabin for some sort of sordid sexual tryst You'd rather be thought of as a murderer And I didn't want Marjorie's memory dragged through the mud either.
It was my fault she did what she did.
I deserve the blame.
Michael Evans got the prison sentence.
That wasn't my fault.
Well, whose fault was it? Well, it it just happened.
You let a man rot in jail all that time? For Marjorie's sake.
He'll be released on appeal now, won't he? I am going to recommend that you are charged with conspiracy to pervert the course of justice, assisting an offender and aiding and abetting and concealing an offence.
This interview is terminated at 10:15.
And I hope they throw the book at you! Strickland will be here any minute.
What do I tell him? Well, couldn't we say it's a computer virus? This isn't just about you, Gerry.
It reflects on me.
I'm your commanding officer.
And why didn't Brian tell me? Dunno.
Maybe he thought I don't know.
I think it's a lovely gesture, Alice, planting a tree in their memory.
Well, let's hope it lasts for another 600 years.
And thank you for all your help.
It's been really interesting.
I'm sorry I couldn't find out any more information about Guinevere and her baby.
I thought I might do a little research myself.
A few local records, maybe? I might find something.
- Let me know how you get on.
- I will.
Alice, isn't that a rhododendron? I thought it was the enemy.
It's a present for your Esther cos you said she liked them.
Oh, thank you.
- Well, look after yourself.
- I will.
Bye.
Bye.
He's here.
I'm sorry, Sandra.
So, I've just been notified that you've proved more than capable of defying orders and taking on unauthorised cases.
With excellent results, I might add, sir.
Yes.
Well, I hope you show the same zeal when it comes to preparing the audit.
Sir, I need Oh, Brian.
Brian.
Ah, yes, sir.
Now, I've trawled every aspect of the expenditure for all areas of the budget and for every member of the team.
And give or take the cost of the odd postage stamp, it's all absolutely accurate.
So here we are, sir.
All the files, including all the overtime sheets.
Yes, well, that's very kind of you, Brian.
I'll send someone down to pick them up.
Well done.
Get rid of the dog.
Sir.
Brian did you just lie to Strickland? I was just a bit creative with the truth.
But what about my time sheets? I stayed up all night, didn't I? Reworking them, using Jack's time sheets and my own.
Plus a bit of ingenuity.
So now you can add master forger to your ever-growing CV.
Well, thanks a lot, mate.
I owe you.
You know what, Gerry? You were right.
You've diddled yourself.
Jack and I claimed for twice as much overtime as you.
Cor, bloody typical! That's a very nice-looking plant you've got there, Brian.
Yes, it's a rhododendron.
It's for Esther.
She's coming home tonight.
That's very thoughtful of you.
Esther will be moved.
I tell you what she'd really like, Brian.
Before she arrives, run a nice hot bubble bath, then get in it and give yourself a wash cos you stink.
Pooh! # It's all right, it's OK # Doesn't really matter if you're old and grey # It's all right, I say, it's OK # Listen to what I say # It's all right, doing fine # Doesn't really matter if the sun don't shine # It's all right, I say, it's OK # We're getting to the end of the day # Hi-tech, low-tech, take your pick # Cos you can't teach an old dog a brand-new trick # I don't care what anybody says # At the end of the day