Offspring (2010) s04e06 Episode Script

The plan is to serve authentic tacos.
But you're going to need money.
Yeah, well, to keep costs down, I'm thinking of a pop-up taqueria.
This is a diary I've been keeping the last two weeks.
Notes your wine and marijuana intake.
Don't we have an obligation to look after ourselves for the sake of the people that love us? Sell Proudman Real Estate to me.
That would be a mistake.
Do you think I'm capable of running this business? I don't have a crush on Patrick.
It's you.
What? I have a crush on you.
Martin is finding it difficult to recover from this break-up.
Step out.
You're not in any fit state to treat patients.
Patrick suggested I sleep here rather than return to my empty abode.
Oh.
Right.
So I wasn't lying to all those patients.
Sex really is better while I'm pregnant.
Mum's wrong.
Oh, don't think about Mum right now.
I'm a magnificent, naturally intuitive lover.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Is that Martin? You said he was asleep.
I thought he was.
Is he crying again? Oh, he's probably just Oh, block it out.
No, you should go and talk to him.
Go and talk to him.
Now? Yep.
OK.
OK, don't get frustrated.
This is just a sign of things to come.
Constant interruptions through the night.
You can do this.
Is he OK? Was he crying? Uh, no.
Uh, well, yeah, in a sense.
He was, um he was cranking.
Cranking? He was crying and wanking simultaneously.
Oh.
So, is there anything specific you'd like to begin with today? Mm-hm.
Well, I guess lately it's kind of like our life has been taken hostage.
Yep.
Like this other organism has Attached itself.
Well, the baby represents enormous change.
Oh, no, no, it's not the baby.
No, the baby's fine.
Wonderful, even.
It's our house guest.
Martin? Huh? Are you sure I can't make up the spare room? I feel less lonely here.
You hiding? Seven hours.
One song and he doesn't know it.
It was only meant to be one night.
Somehow, it's turned into two weeks.
You know, we tried sussing out how long he was planning on staying.
Didn't go very well.
Oh, God! So you don't want me.
Of course we want you.
It's just We we're concerned about you.
It's healthy to grieve a relationship, Martin.
I-I tried to tell him what I'd tell myself.
Take comfort that you were courageous enough to be open to love.
Also, we have a a baby on the way.
There's a lot of things we have to do.
You're right.
The time has come for me to make myself useful again.
So I pledge, from this day forward, that you two won't know how you lived without me.
Imagine a butler with no skills.
That you can't fire.
Hi ho! I've monitored your digestion.
You need to eat at more regular intervals.
Just pretend I'm not here.
But, um, I think the final straw was The baby-proofing.
The baby-proofing.
Martin! What's with the toilet? Oh, yes.
I must show you how to operate that.
What?! Look, it may seem overly cautious, but do you know how many children drown in the toilet? Martin, get out! OK, nothing to be ashamed of.
In fact, the Brazilian government have asked their citizens to urinate in their in the in the bathtub, so, you know, ecologically more friendly.
Get out! Have either of you just tried putting it plainly to him? "We're sorry, but we think it might be time for you to go home.
" He does have a home, doesn't he? Yes.
But it's a bit more complicated than that.
Patrick, um See, I, um, I slept on his couch for six months when Gus died, so I'm indebted to him.
Well, perhaps, Nina, you could suggest it.
Ohh Nina has a thing about never upsetting people.
I don't have a thing.
OK.
Um, it should be me.
I invited him in.
I'll speak to him.
I need 60 bucks.
I'm out of petrol.
Did you sleep in the office again last night? No, I came home, but you were already asleep.
God, where's your cash? You've got, like, a gazillion loyalty cards and no cash.
I don't know.
Must have run out.
Wanna go get some breakfast? No.
Late for an inspection.
Can't Ange do it? No.
I've forgotten what you look like under there.
Mmm, three nipples.
I just ironed this.
I'll see you tonight at the gig, alright? There she is.
OK, present as non-crushworthy.
Hi.
Feel like I haven't seen you forever.
Yeah, our schedules seem to be out of sync.
I bought us some treats.
For Eloise only.
Why does Eloise get to be special? She's not special.
Well, not that she's "not special".
Kim's special.
And Zara.
Very special.
Mother of my brother's baby.
I've got a really interesting caesarean happening.
I think you're assisting.
How are you? Good? Better.
I hope I haven't made things weird.
II'd really like to put things, you know, behind us.
Oh, it is.
Absolutely behind us.
Don't make it sound like some sort of trauma.
Not that I need for it to be behind us.
It's perfectly fine if it's just, you know, present.
Or out there.
Not out there in in the sense that everyone knows.
Just the present factor of us.
A factor of us? Something we're absorbing.
So, uh, the caesarean? Yes, yeah.
Yep, patient came in about eight days ago presenting with mild lesbianism.
She received antibiotics and responded Listeriosis, not I meant the bacterial infection.
We're operating today.
Oh, no! They haven't! They've forgotten the camu camu.
My order was painstaking.
Yeah? The camu camu - the fruit.
Indigenous to the Amazon.
Reduces the stress hormone.
And Nina's case highly essential.
But that feels have my time *.
Well, not to worry.
I'll do exotic superfoods next week.
Martin This week, seaweed.
Martin! Hmm? Do you really think you're going to need another week? Oh.
You think it's time that I, uh I do.
Not that we haven't loved having you here Oh, no.
I know, I know, I know.
I brought a beautiful and constructive energy to this house.
But, unfortunately, there's a problem.
Small steps.
Has this happened before? What? The agoraphobia.
Once, when I was at university.
I failed to get a high distinction and the shock sent me indoors for two whole semesters.
I did use the time productively, however.
Doing what? I got a law degree.
You have a law degree? Everybody's got a law degree nowadays.
They're like iPods.
Left.
Oooh.
Right.
Yeah.
Left.
Oh, great result.
Healthy baby, healthy mother.
Should you wait till she leaves? Oh, don't be juvenile.
It's fine.
My brother-in-law Mick's playing at the pub tonight.
You should stop by.
They're getting really famous.
So they won't be doing pub shows for much longer.
It's OK, Nina, you really don't have to keep Are you alright? Yep.
Fine.
I'm just Need me to get that? No, no.
No.
It's Patrick.
Oh! He'll call back and leave a message.
Oh! Ah! If you just Ah! If you just sit Can you just? Yeah.
Um, Nina? Yes? Patrick's on the phone.
He says it's urgent.
OK.
Could you please tell him I'll call him back soon? Sure.
As you were.
Could? Ow! Sorry.
Bless you.
- Nina? - Hi.
Is everything OK? Have you spoken to Billie recently? Oh, not for a couple of days.
Why? Because I'm standing I'm standing in front of a Billie Proudman real estate sign, and there's a big sticker that says, "A Phil D'Arabont Enterprise.
" What?! You've thrown out everything.
Even the cooking sherry? I thought it'd be helpful to remove temptation.
You did agree to a month of sobriety.
I never agreed that you could strip the house of all alcohol.
And cancel my wine club membership.
And when am I going to get my kitchen back? Chill out, withdrawal woman.
I'm not! I'm not having withdrawals.
When did everybody decide I had such a big problem with alcohol? Well, not such a big problem.
So, everything on track for the grand 'inaugur-achion'? Inauguracion.
Inauguracion.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's going good.
Just up to the last few now.
How, exactly, are you financing this venture, Jimmy? I hope you didn't get the money from Zara.
No.
I invested the start-up capital.
Sorry? I asked Jimmy to present a business plan.
It was very compelling.
Go on.
You think he's done his dough.
You think this is another of my Jimmy! Shush.
Phillip, a word.
It it It wasn't meant to be a secret.
II just didn't want you to think that I was overstepping in Proudman family business.
Well, you are.
Well you could be a bit more supportive.
I am supportive.
Really? Yes.
I just I didn't raise my children to believe that the world will support the most ridiculous of ventures.
I can hear you, Mum.
Hey, Nina.
Hi, Mick.
How are you? Yeah, I'm alright.
Are you coming tonight? Um, yep.
Yeah, we're all coming, I think.
After Jimmy's tacos.
Um, is Billie with you? No.
I see Billie about ever since she became the real estate empress of the north.
And how's that going? The work.
Insane.
She pulls an all-nighter, like, three times a week.
Either that or she's having an affair and not being very sneaky about it.
Why? Sorry? It kind of sounds like you know something I don't.
No, I don't.
No Nuh.
Nup.
- No.
- Stop talking.
Hello? Yes? Mick, just get Billie to call me when you see her.
Yeah.
Likewise.
Proudman Real Estate, a Phil D'Arabont Enterprise.
This is Ange speaking.
Hi, Ange.
It's Nina.
Oh.
Hi, Nina.
Is Billie around? No, she's doing an opening.
You could probably get her on the mobile.
No.
No, I've tried that.
Sorry.
"A Phil D'Arabont Enterprise".
What is that about? Oh, that was the way I answer the phone.
Yes, but is Phil D'Arabont now? Oh, sorry.
Sorry, Nina.
Can you? Sorry, it's a bit of a It's a terrible line.
Sorry, can you talk and maybe I'll just We figured it out.
What? You and Eloise.
The weird vibe.
The semi-nude entanglement.
It all makes sense.
There's no weird vibe.
What is it with you wanting to sex the entire doctor species? Chris Havel, Patrick Oh, remember hot Fraser? Yes, there's a doctor theme, and yet never the nurses.
I don't want to have sex with anyone.
Except Patrick.
You're bored.
You're thinking this is it.
You're going to spend the next So you develop an unobtainable girl crush to tide you over.
I'm sorry.
I have to go.
Ooh! We should warn Eloise.
No, don't do that.
I don't have a crush on Eloise.
But there is a crush.
I can smell it.
Eloise has a crush on you.
I didn't say that.
Is that a saunter? Is she sauntering? This is it.
Adult professional life will begin now.
Now.
Oh, shit.
Neens.
What are you doing here? Did you get my messages? Oh.
What is going on? Sorry? Why is Phil D'Arabont's name all over your signs? Oh, that no, that's complicated.
I've just got to duck back to the office and I'll see you at Phil's Billie Billie Billie! Have you sold Proudman Real Estate to Phil D'Arabont? Only temporarily.
How do you sell something temporarily? Alcohol.
Phillip's got Mum on this detox.
Frisked the house for alcohol and asked me to stash these.
Looks like a family time capsule in here.
Dad's home-brew pumpkin schnapps.
Oh, this is the brandy that Mum bought for Grandma's funeral.
Then she didn't didn't die.
Ugh.
So? Billie.
OK, so, there have been, business-wise, some teething problems.
And sales have been sluggish.
But I knew that if I could just nab one huge contract, I could turn everything around.
You know, I could I could catapult Proudman Real Estate into a whole other league if I could just find the right thing.
And then They're looking for an exclusive agent.
It would be the most exclusive property in Fitzroy.
All the heavyweights wanted it.
All of them.
D'Arabont.
Little Kimmy Proudman.
You should have seen me in this pitch, Neens.
It was like I could read their minds, I could anticipate every question.
And for the first time, I knew what I was put on this earth to do.
To sell.
We propose total saturation.
TV ads, billboards, website, viral, social media blitz.
All outlays at my own expense.
How much were the outlays? Quite a lot.
How much? I've got you on business to Shanghai, premium economy home.
And Luke wants to confirm we're definitely doing a print run of 1,000.
It would have been fine if everything had gone to plan.
But it didn't? No, no, cash flow is certainly not a problem.
In fact, I'm, um Yeah, I'm just I'm making that that first repayment as we speak.
Mm-hm.
It was unbelievable, Neens.
Within a week I had nothing.
There was nothing left in the company account.
And the the bills.
The bills just bred.
I was basically screwed.
Until I heard rumblings you might be in a bit of a pickle.
Just like that? You you sold the business? To Phil D'Arabont? Phil D'Arabont, our father's personal and professional nemesis.
He promised me that I can buy all my equity back when I'm in a stronger financial position.
He promised you? Is that in the contract? Did you get the contract checked by a solicitor? It just happened.
I haven't had a chance to You're supposed to get it checked before you sign.
Thank you.
I know that.
Does Dad know? OK, this is a temporary solution.
Alright? I just I didn't think that it was necessary to His name's all over the signs.
It's going to get out.
Could you drop the attitude, please? I need some time to get this situation under control.
Now, if you could please be my sister and keep this to yourself.
Right.
I learned this from a taquero in Mexico City.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Did you make this taco? I did.
OK, I don't have the adjectives to describe the unique taste and texture combinations, so would you mind if I just gave you a physical response? I would not.
Thank you.
Really.
Thank you.
Who wants what she's having? Good.
I don't think she's told anyone at all.
And, of course, then there was all this competitive sister business, and I anything I suggested was condescending.
What did you suggest? Just that we check out the contract.
Surely there's a cooling-off period.
Maybe we could go back to D'Arabont and Not generally in the sale of business.
Martin One could argue the principle of equitable estoppel, depending on the circumstances.
Martin, this is this is private family business.
Well, Martin does have a law degree.
What? He got it during his last bout of agoraphobia.
What?! Don't ask.
I'm no QC, but I do have a solid understanding of contractual law, and a keen eye for loopholes.
There you go.
Thank you very much.
Ah, finally.
It appears I do have a daughter.
Hey.
Haven't you been getting my messages? I've been so busy.
Oh, yeah, I've heard about the development.
Tremendous effort.
He's so proud of everyone.
I was thinking of reinvesting my super.
How much would an apartment sell for off the plan? Oh, for Christ's sake, Phillip, stop investing.
I-I'll just see Jimmy.
Hey.
Hi.
Looks good.
Jimmy, hi.
Thanks.
Can I have a word with you? What about? Jimmy, this looks great.
Quick.
Grab a couple.
We're down to the last five.
What, already? Yeah, smashed it.
Hey.
Neens? I've already told you I can handle this.
Yeah, I know.
I don't want to interfere.
I just wanted you to know that if you would like someone to look over the contract right now, I do have an option.
You've got to be kidding.
Well, he does actually have a law degree.
You told Martin Clegg? No, he knew.
He saw it on one of the Attention, ladies and gentlemen.
Unfortunately, I have indeed sold out of my inaugural pop-up taqueria.
But in better news, if you head over to the Union right now, you'll be able to catch the magnificent Rosanna Harding and Mick Holland playing live.
Cheers.
Shit.
What? Hey, Neens, if you really want to help me, just stop the family from seeing the signs on the way to the pub.
So, what say we skip this performance and head home for a spot of afternoon delight? Uh, no, I don't think so, Phillip.
I generally need, oh, a good bottle of pinot to even contemplate that.
Hello there.
Oh, what a success! Marvellous! Jimmy, the tacos Arriba, arriba! Ow! Thank you.
Thank you all so much.
It's just amazing to be back.
I want to be a little bit indulgent for a moment, and just thank Mick for writing some awesome songs, and apparently I'm not the only one who thinks so.
Here's to Mick.
Cheers.
Cheers, thank you.
But I can't take all the credit, OK? As you know, until recently, I was a lazy, below-average gardener.
And I would have stayed that way forever if I didn't have to run as fast as I could to keep up with this frighteningly beautiful, strong, successful woman.
There she is, hiding up the back, pretending to be shy.
Billie, I owe you everything.
And I am so fucking lucky that I get to share my life with you.
Ahh! I'm heading off.
Oh, OK.
Have a pleasant evening, Eloise.
Uh, you know that gig - do you think it'll still be going? Possibly.
I have no information about that.
OK.
Bye, Kim.
Bye.
Bye! You know, don't you? No.
Know what? No, I don't know very much.
No, I don't know.
I don't think I know.
OK, I know.
I know.
I mean what an emotionally complicated situation.
You poor thing.
Do you need to, you know, talk about it? No.
That's OK.
Do you need to talk about it? No.
No.
Well, I'd appreciate it if we I guess it's just really hard for us to comprehend how this could have happened.
I mean, it's Nina.
Hello.
Is it a mentor thing? Or a fetish thing? For blondes.
For pregnant women.
For ridiculously accessorised people.
It's everything.
I've never met anyone like her.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi, Martin.
It's Kate.
Oh.
How are you? Newly single.
Oh.
Sorry.
Thank you.
Under normal circumstances, I'd use this occasion to flirt outrageously, but, alas, I've given up on intimate relationships.
Please don't construe that your attractiveness has diminished in any way whatsoever.
No, I No, I won't.
Um, this is Joseph.
Ah, a new sexual partner! I feel happiness, tinged with foreboding.
Hi, Joseph.
Hey.
It's good to meet you.
Do you like the shirt? Oh, she Mum! Kate bought me this shirt.
It's a good shirt.
It's a step in the right direction.
It's great.
I've sorry, I just My mum's in the outdoors.
Sorry.
Mum! You know, prohibition is a ridiculous construction.
Historically, it has never worked.
Jimmy, I love you but if you don't relinquish that wine Oh, Mum.
Oh! We're ordering food.
Do you want? What do you feel like? A Phil D'Arabont Enterprise?! Why is Phil's name on the Proudman sign? My name's on the Proudman sign? No, she means her ex-lover, also called Phil.
Phil D'Arabont.
Your former lover.
Were you able to have sober relations with this alternate Phil? What have you done? Oh, yeah, um I meant to tell you.
I kind of sold the business.
What do you mean you sold the business? Why? Were you ever planning on telling me? I made a bold business decision, and I needed some capital, and so So you sold to Phil bloody D'Arabont? Yep.
Look, I know this is a big shock.
But it's it's still very recent, and there might be a chance to turn it around.
Neens, stop.
You knew about this? Why does Nina get to know? Why the hell didn't I know? Look, I only found out today.
And according to Martin, there's still a chance.
Right? But there may be some options, yes.
We should just have a look at it and then go to Phil D'Arabont and Get the contract, Billie.
No! Billie! Get the bloody contract.
Thanks a lot! What? Billie Billie.
I didn't tell them.
They saw it for themselves, Billie.
How could I hide this? The signs are huge.
Nina, just wait.
Wait.
Look, she's going to drive her life off a cliff.
Someone's got to Yeah, I know.
I just don't think that someone can be you.
I can't just do nothing.
Hey, can I get anyone a drink? - Yes.
- Ignore her.
OK.
Mum.
You're not still in contact with Phil D'Arabont, are you? Huh! We go to the same manicurist.
That's about it.
Do you know his phone number? He only ever gave me his assistant's number.
However I do know where he lives.
Let's do it.
Here it is.
Take it.
Give it to Nina, give it to Clegg.
Whoever.
Is that my husband? He had a big crowd waiting.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's all "Yay!" and I'm "Pcch!" You know, if you could wind all this back, would you want to? Did Neens ever tell you that I once hid out here for two whole days when I killed her cat? Well, it was looking mangy, so I I trimmed his whiskers, and then he got all disorientated and he ran across the road.
I hid here until after the funeral.
Dad just accepted it.
He let me, um you know, count the bond money and go on rental inspections.
Yeah.
Give the contract to Clegg.
So, to what do I owe this unexpected delight? We we'd just like to talk to you about I think you know why we're really here, Phil.
Mum.
To be completely honest, we're we're a bit concerned that my sister didn't really mean to sign that contract.
Oh.
Well, I was there.
The pen didn't take on a life of its own.
No, I know.
But Billie was really panicked at the time, and she hadn't slept, and she can be a little impulsive.
So So I should renege on a highly lucrative acquisition? Geraldine, how are you? Now, I hear that you're seeing someone.
Is that going well? I certainly hope that's not what this is really about, Phil.
Please.
Seems odd that you'd buy a failing business.
No, not at all.
Look, Billie may know diddly about running a business, but this Northside development just happens to be a major coup and I'm going to make a lot of money once it's up and running again.
An obscene amount of money.
Nina, leave the room, please.
What? Why? Just leave the room.
What are you going? Nina.
Mum, no! To just Just 10 minutes.
Just give me 10 minutes.
My dear Geraldine, save yourself the exertion.
You may have the most magnificent pins north of the river, but they only stretch so far.
Hi.
Hello.
How was the gig? Can't believe you let me race off alone.
No fucking way! You don't get to be pissed off with me.
I just don't get how you keep secrets like that from me.
Oh, you've kept a couple of secrets in your time.
No.
Don't.
You know, we have a house.
If you needed money, we could've borrowed against It's OUR house, Mick.
This is MY problem.
I'm your husband.
Your problems are my problems.
That's the way it works.
We work things out together.
If I told you, it would have made it real.
And I didn't want to make it real.
It's Mum.
Mum.
Oh, Billie, I'm so sorry.
Nina tried her best, but the man is an utter pig.
Pig! We went to see D'Arabont.
I'm so sorry.
I just thought if we spoke face to face You went to his house? And he said if we wanted it so badly, we'd have to take him to court.
So I said, "Well, piggy, suit up, "because no-one messes with the Proudmans!" Billie, I'm so sorry.
I really thought that if we just reasoned with him Billie? What? They went to his house.
Nina and Mum - they went to D'Arabont's house.
I have to I have to work with him.
No, I have to work FOR him on Monday.
'Cause he's my boss.
This pile goes back to Noonan.
This is to pay off the new equipment.
I'm going to reinvest this into online marketing.
Leaving this for contingency.
What? This is all very considered.
And conscientious.
And mature.
Want to have a naked money fight? There's some notes on equitable estoppel.
Possibly the best angle you have.
So that's, "Yes, I did sign it, but it's still not fair to me.
" In essence, yes.
But I must caution you, it is notoriously difficult to prove.
So I hesitate to recommend it as a legitimate option.
Martin.
Mmm? It's kind of humiliating, having my sister and my mother accost my boss.
Well, I I didn't mean for it to be humiliating.
I just I really wanted to fix it.
Stop trying to fix things, Neens.
I know you think I make dumb choices.
No, no, I don't.
You do.
You know, might I offer an observation? Martin, seriously Given the state of the market, the level of debt, it was as good an outcome as could be expected.
Billie may have lost the business, but, given the circumstances, she did quite well to not only secure a good price but to guarantee ongoing employment for herself.
Oh, Billie.
Look, I still trashed Dad's business and I sold it to his enemy.
And now I have to Skype him and tell him.
So I'd really appreciate it if I'm going to back off, I promise.
No I was going to say, would you be with me when I tell him? Please.
OK, Martin.
Bit far.
Martin.
You're not leaving right now, are you? I believe my work here is done.
I've left some meals in the freezer, and the key to the toilet is on a hook in the kitchen.
Let me just get Nina.
She'll want No, no, no.
Leave her.
Leave her with Billie.
That's where she ought to be.
At least let me give you a lift home.
I'm not sure that I'm heading home.
Really? Mmm.
I feel the winds are changing.
Taking me onward to a new adventure.
Farewell, Martin Clegg.
OK, there he is.
He's on.
You ready? No.
Call anyway.
Ah.
There's my girls.
Hi, Dad.
Hi.
Hey, remember this little beauty? Best crab sandwich in the Southern Hemisphere.
Oh, Nina, I did ask, and apparently there was no official judging panel, I know how hyperbole on signs does annoy you Hey, Dad.
Um I'm sorry, but I'm actually calling with some bad news.
What? I'm calling with some bad news.
What what is it? Is it Geraldine? Is it Alfie? No, it's nothing like that.
We're all fine.
It's just that I messed up.
You trusted me, Dad, and I messed up.
I can't take it back.
I'm sorry? I sold the business.
Proudman Real Estate.
I had to sell it, Dad.
It's gone.