Reno 911! (2003) s04e06 Episode Script

[bicycle bell rings.]
[loudly.]
just, uhLocking [loudly.]
just, uhLocking [loudly.]
just, uhLocking up my brand new smith & wesson Up my brand new smith & wesson Up my brand new smith & wesson police tactical bike Police tactical bike Police tactical bike Here in broad daylight.
I'm sure it's safe.
AndTaser.
Nice.
From the spy AndTaser.
Nice.
From the spy AndTaser.
Nice.
From the spy store.
Hello.
Take the bai--hey! Hello.
Take the bai--hey! Hello.
Take the bai--hey! [bicycle bell rings.]
[bicycle bell rings.]
[bicycle bell rings.]
stop! That mirror was $80.
son of a bitch! son of a bitch! son of a bitch! She tricked me! It was a trick! hyah! hey, guys.
hey, guys.
hey, guys.
whoa! whoa! whoa! oh, no! [blows whistle.]
[blows whistle.]
[blows whistle.]
all right.
Ok.
I got him by all right.
Ok.
I got him by all right.
Ok.
I got him by the belt.
get back in the building! get back in the building! get back in the building! No loitering! aah! [siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
[sirens.]
[sirens.]
[sirens.]
what's happening?! What's what's happening?! What's what's happening?! What's happening?! What's happening?! Happening?! What's happening?! Happening?! What's happening?! stop.
Jim stop.
Jim stop.
Jim what? what? what? someone tried to kill the someone tried to kill the someone tried to kill the sheriff.
I don't think--I don't Sheriff.
I don't think--I don't Sheriff.
I don't think--I don't think he's gonna make it.
Think he's gonna make it.
Think he's gonna make it.
sheriff chechekevitch.
sheriff chechekevitch.
sheriff chechekevitch.
Sheriff chechekevitch.
Sheriff chechekevitch.
Sheriff chechekevitch.
[weakly.]
avenge my death.
[weakly.]
avenge my death.
[weakly.]
avenge my death.
[heart machine flatlines.]
[heart machine flatlines.]
[heart machine flatlines.]
no, no.
Hang in there.
no, no.
Hang in there.
no, no.
Hang in there.
Hang in there.
Hang in there.
Hang in there.
He said, "avenge my death.
" He said, "avenge my death.
" He said, "avenge my death.
" you know walter.
you know walter.
you know walter.
sheriff! Nooooooooo! here's to the finest polish here's to the finest polish here's to the finest polish sheriff this city has ever Sheriff this city has ever Sheriff this city has ever known.
Known.
Known.
salud.
salud.
salud.
I didn't mean to qualify I didn't mean to qualify I didn't mean to qualify that, except he was a pretty That, except he was a pretty That, except he was a pretty weird Weird Weird oh, we've had better oh, we've had better oh, we've had better sheriffs.
Sheriffs.
Sheriffs.
yeah.
Yeah, we've had much yeah.
Yeah, we've had much yeah.
Yeah, we've had much better sheriffs.
But he was-- Better sheriffs.
But he was-- Better sheriffs.
But he was-- for a pole For a pole For a pole Junior: Not bad for a pollock.
Junior: Not bad for a pollock.
Junior: Not bad for a pollock.
Williams: What are we gonna do? Williams: What are we gonna do? Williams: What are we gonna do? Dangle: The culprit is Dangle: The culprit is Dangle: The culprit is undoubtedly in this room.
Undoubtedly in this room.
Undoubtedly in this room.
Everybody just act casual Everybody just act casual Everybody just act casual And we will let the murderer And we will let the murderer And we will let the murderer Reveal himselfTo us.
Reveal himselfTo us.
Reveal himselfTo us.
What--why are we all from the What--why are we all from the What--why are we all from the j.
C.
Penneys catalogue now? J.
C.
Penneys catalogue now? J.
C.
Penneys catalogue now? Wiegel: You said act natural.
Wiegel: You said act natural.
Wiegel: You said act natural.
no.
Act fucking normal! no.
Act fucking normal! no.
Act fucking normal! [woman crying.]
[woman crying.]
[woman crying.]
williams: [whispering.]
Williams: [whispering.]
Williams: [whispering.]
there's his wife.
There's his wife.
There's his wife.
Woman: Thank you for coming.
Woman: Thank you for coming.
Woman: Thank you for coming.
Junior: That's mrs.
Junior: That's mrs.
Junior: That's mrs.
Chechekevitch? Who the hell's Chechekevitch? Who the hell's Chechekevitch? Who the hell's that fella with her? That fella with her? That fella with her? Williams: She is gorgeous.
Williams: She is gorgeous.
Williams: She is gorgeous.
Kimball: I think he's the Kimball: I think he's the Kimball: I think he's the driver.
Driver.
Driver.
Junior: Hand on the hip? Is that Junior: Hand on the hip? Is that Junior: Hand on the hip? Is that what a driver does? What a driver does? What a driver does? uh, ladies and gentlemen, I uh, ladies and gentlemen, I uh, ladies and gentlemen, I believe we have our number one Believe we have our number one Believe we have our number one suspect.
Suspect.
Suspect.
Garcia: Oh shit here he comes.
Garcia: Oh shit here he comes.
Garcia: Oh shit here he comes.
Here he comes.
Shh, shh.
Quiet.
Here he comes.
Shh, shh.
Quiet.
Here he comes.
Shh, shh.
Quiet.
Here he comes.
Here he comes.
Here he comes.
Here he comes.
Here he comes.
Here he comes.
Junior: Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Junior: Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Junior: Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Act natural.
Act natural.
Act natural.
hello.
Sad day, no? hello.
Sad day, no? hello.
Sad day, no? sad day, yes.
sad day, yes.
sad day, yes.
You're, uh, You're, uh, You're, uh, mrs.
Chechekevitch's, uh Mrs.
Chechekevitch's, uh Mrs.
Chechekevitch's, uh yes.
yes.
yes.
Dangle: Ok, here's what I'm Dangle: Ok, here's what I'm Dangle: Ok, here's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna go get some Gonna do.
I'm gonna go get some Gonna do.
I'm gonna go get some prints off of the grieving Prints off of the grieving Prints off of the grieving widow, and off of the companion.
Widow, and off of the companion.
Widow, and off of the companion.
[slurping loudly.]
[slurping loudly.]
[slurping loudly.]
[swishing loudly.]
[swishing loudly.]
[swishing loudly.]
junior: He's doin' pretty good.
Junior: He's doin' pretty good.
Junior: He's doin' pretty good.
Williams: [whispering.]
Williams: [whispering.]
Williams: [whispering.]
he got the glass.
He got the glass.
He got the glass.
He got it! He got it! He got it! He got it! He got it! He got it! He got it! ok.
ok.
ok.
yes! yes! yes! ok.
Now, you know what we're ok.
Now, you know what we're ok.
Now, you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna put a tail Gonna do? We're gonna put a tail Gonna do? We're gonna put a tail on that woman.
On that woman.
On that woman.
like a bunny or a cat or like a bunny or a cat or like a bunny or a cat or What are you thinkin'? What are you thinkin'? What are you thinkin'? follow her! follow her! follow her! I'm a little drunk.
I I'm a little drunk.
I I'm a little drunk.
I apologize.
sheriff's department.
sheriff's department.
sheriff's department.
sheriff's department.
We got sheriff's department.
We got sheriff's department.
We got a 911 call.
A 911 call.
A 911 call.
anyone need help? anyone need help? anyone need help? someone in distress? someone in distress? someone in distress? you call? You call? Up here.
you call? You call? Up here.
you call? You call? Up here.
Up here.
Up here.
Up here.
thank you.
Listen thank you.
Listen thank you.
Listen Wiegel: Hello.
You called? Wiegel: Hello.
You called? Wiegel: Hello.
You called? I--I sat in heren I--I sat in heren I--I sat in heren In my jousting armor, In my jousting armor, In my jousting armor, which is designed for Which is designed for Which is designed for sitting.
I cannot--I--I can't Sitting.
I cannot--I--I can't Sitting.
I cannot--I--I can't stand in my-- Stand in my-- Stand in my-- so you're trapped.
so you're trapped.
so you're trapped.
wedged.
You're stuck in the wedged.
You're stuck in the wedged.
You're stuck in the toilet.
Toilet.
Toilet.
I am trapped.
If we could get I am trapped.
If we could get I am trapped.
If we could get the, um The, um The, um Actually--actually--actually Actually--actually--actually Actually--actually--actually --actually, I cannot let a --Actually, I cannot let a --Actually, I cannot let a female take my primary jousting Female take my primary jousting Female take my primary jousting weapon.
Weapon.
Weapon.
so what the fuck do you so what the fuck do you so what the fuck do you need us to do? Need us to do? Need us to do? then you need to call a male then you need to call a male then you need to call a male officer.
Officer.
Officer.
that's not gonna happen, sir.
that's not gonna happen, sir.
that's not gonna happen, sir.
oh, male officer! Could oh, male officer! Could oh, male officer! Could somebody with a penis please Somebody with a penis please Somebody with a penis please appear so we can get this lance Appear so we can get this lance Appear so we can get this lance out of this toilet? Out of this toilet? Out of this toilet? ok, that's--you know ok, that's--you know ok, that's--you know this knight.
Sir, we are this knight.
Sir, we are this knight.
Sir, we are trying to assist you! Trying to assist you! Trying to assist you! yes, but that was--that was yes, but that was--that was yes, but that was--that was mean-spirited mirth right there.
Mean-spirited mirth right there.
Mean-spirited mirth right there.
Oh, my god! Light a torch over Oh, my god! Light a torch over Oh, my god! Light a torch over there! Vigo, please, I don't There! Vigo, please, I don't There! Vigo, please, I don't want you seeing this.
Vigo! Want you seeing this.
Vigo! Want you seeing this.
Vigo! vigo, you shouldn't see this.
vigo, you shouldn't see this.
vigo, you shouldn't see this.
vigo, I don't want you seeing vigo, I don't want you seeing vigo, I don't want you seeing this.
Yes.
Ok, my pants are down.
My pants Ok, my pants are down.
My pants Ok, my pants are down.
My pants are down! Are down! Are down! all right.
Well, I'll help all right.
Well, I'll help all right.
Well, I'll help you You You could you reach back and give could you reach back and give could you reach back and give me a courtesy flush, please? Me a courtesy flush, please? Me a courtesy flush, please? [toilet flushes.]
[toilet flushes.]
[toilet flushes.]
I want you to grab onto my I want you to grab onto my I want you to grab onto my shoulders.
On the count of-- Shoulders.
On the count of-- Shoulders.
On the count of-- hey, look what somebody gave hey, look what somebody gave hey, look what somebody gave me.
Isn't that nice? What the Me.
Isn't that nice? What the Me.
Isn't that nice? What the hell? What am I supposed to do? Hell? What am I supposed to do? Hell? What am I supposed to do? [straining.]
3! [straining.]
3! [straining.]
3! oh, sweet jesus.
oh, sweet jesus.
oh, sweet jesus.
oh! Oh! Oh! oh! Oh! Oh! oh! Oh! Oh! sweet jesus.
Why don't we sweet jesus.
Why don't we sweet jesus.
Why don't we tie you to your burro and then Tie you to your burro and then Tie you to your burro and then have him go hyah!? Have him go hyah!? Have him go hyah!? yeah, that's a--well, I don't yeah, that's a--well, I don't yeah, that's a--well, I don't know.
He doesn't look too Know.
He doesn't look too Know.
He doesn't look too aggressive.
You want to try it Aggressive.
You want to try it Aggressive.
You want to try it again? Again? Again? I'm sort of--if you could I'm sort of--if you could I'm sort of--if you could just give me a second here.
Just give me a second here.
Just give me a second here.
you want--you actually want you want--you actually want you want--you actually want to poo, I think.
Right? To poo, I think.
Right? To poo, I think.
Right? well, it's happening whether well, it's happening whether well, it's happening whether I want to or not.
Thank you.
I want to or not.
Thank you.
I want to or not.
Thank you.
folks, it's gonna be a little folks, it's gonna be a little folks, it's gonna be a little while.
While.
While.
it's gonna be a minute.
it's gonna be a minute.
it's gonna be a minute.
Man: I need sterile wipes! Man: I need sterile wipes! Man: I need sterile wipes! Whoever made the mutton stew, Whoever made the mutton stew, Whoever made the mutton stew, you're fired! Dangle: Ok, it is 2300 hours.
Dangle: Ok, it is 2300 hours.
Dangle: Ok, it is 2300 hours.
[police radio droning.]
[police radio droning.]
[police radio droning.]
we have put a tail on the black We have put a tail on the black We have put a tail on the black widow herself.
Madam ex-wife.
Widow herself.
Madam ex-wife.
Widow herself.
Madam ex-wife.
Junior: She left the wake.
She Junior: She left the wake.
She Junior: She left the wake.
She did a little grief shopping.
Did a little grief shopping.
Did a little grief shopping.
grief shopping.
She did some grief shopping.
She did some grief shopping.
She did some grief tanning.
Grief tanning.
Grief tanning.
had a quick grief workout.
had a quick grief workout.
had a quick grief workout.
And I think she got grief botox And I think she got grief botox And I think she got grief botox while she was in that same While she was in that same While she was in that same place.
Place.
Place.
the botox place.
the botox place.
the botox place.
uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
oh, hello.
Hello.
oh, hello.
Hello.
oh, hello.
Hello.
Did she kiss him, or just Did she kiss him, or just Did she kiss him, or just hug him? Hug him? Hug him? this is the armenian either this is the armenian either this is the armenian either cousin or grieving friend.
Cousin or grieving friend.
Cousin or grieving friend.
I wish we could hear what I wish we could hear what I wish we could hear what they're saying.
She looks upset.
They're saying.
She looks upset.
They're saying.
She looks upset.
I think he's--ok, that was just I think he's--ok, that was just I think he's--ok, that was just a friend.
That was a friend A friend.
That was a friend A friend.
That was a friend touch.
Here, look.
I'll do it to Touch.
Here, look.
I'll do it to Touch.
Here, look.
I'll do it to you.
See? But it was just--I was You.
See? But it was just--I was You.
See? But it was just--I was just showing you it was a friend Just showing you it was a friend Just showing you it was a friend touch.
Touch.
Touch.
it's gonna be a long stakeout it's gonna be a long stakeout it's gonna be a long stakeout if you're gonna be doin' friend If you're gonna be doin' friend If you're gonna be doin' friend touches.
Touches.
Touches.
huh? huh? huh? I could do a stakeout without I could do a stakeout without I could do a stakeout without friend touches, thank you.
Friend touches, thank you.
Friend touches, thank you.
those are some real those are some real those are some real jewy-lookin' sideburns, wouldn't Jewy-lookin' sideburns, wouldn't Jewy-lookin' sideburns, wouldn't you say? You say? You say? I think he's got a stiffy.
I think he's got a stiffy.
I think he's got a stiffy.
ok.
ok.
ok.
well, I feel horrible, but well, I feel horrible, but well, I feel horrible, but obviously this is just some sort Obviously this is just some sort Obviously this is just some sort of platonic jew friend.
Of platonic jew friend.
Of platonic jew friend.
I don't think she did it.
I don't think she did it.
I don't think she did it.
p.
J.
F.
PJF.
p.
J.
F.
PJF.
p.
J.
F.
PJF.
holy shit.
holy shit.
holy shit.
[whip cracks.]
[whip cracks.]
[whip cracks.]
oh, my fucking god! Uh oh, my fucking god! Uh oh, my fucking god! Uh UhDo you wear the dominatrix UhDo you wear the dominatrix UhDo you wear the dominatrix "ss" outfit for your platonic "ss" outfit for your platonic "ss" outfit for your platonic jew friends? Not really.
Jew friends? Not really.
Jew friends? Not really.
you don't fuck 'em in it.
you don't fuck 'em in it.
you don't fuck 'em in it.
hey, where's that camera hey, where's that camera hey, where's that camera from? Is that the sheriff's From? Is that the sheriff's From? Is that the sheriff's camera? Camera? Camera? no.
UhWe have a camera? no.
UhWe have a camera? no.
UhWe have a camera? yeah, we do, but it's really, yeah, we do, but it's really, yeah, we do, but it's really, really old.
That one's way Really old.
That one's way Really old.
That one's way better.
Better.
Better.
yeah.
So she's seeing yeah.
So she's seeing yeah.
So she's seeing somebody on the side, which Somebody on the side, which Somebody on the side, which means she's gotta rub out Means she's gotta rub out Means she's gotta rub out chechekevitch to collect on the Chechekevitch to collect on the Chechekevitch to collect on the insurance.
Insurance.
Insurance.
rub out? You mean, yeah, kill rub out? You mean, yeah, kill rub out? You mean, yeah, kill him.
Him.
Him.
yeah.
Not rub out.
Not rub yeah.
Not rub out.
Not rub yeah.
Not rub out.
Not rub one out.
One out.
One out.
that's why she did it.
that's why she did it.
that's why she did it.
[banging, yelling.]
[banging, yelling.]
[banging, yelling.]
shit.
shit.
shit.
no, no, no.
It's not what it no, no, no.
It's not what it no, no, no.
It's not what it looks like.
It's not what it Looks like.
It's not what it Looks like.
It's not what it looks like! Looks like! Looks like! well, it is what it looks well, it is what it looks well, it is what it looks like.
It was my fault.
Like.
It was my fault.
Like.
It was my fault.
hey, no! hey, no! hey, no! shit.
Shit.
Shit.
shit.
Shit.
Shit.
shit.
Shit.
Shit.
don't do that! don't do that! don't do that! please don't do that! please don't do that! please don't do that! no, no, no, no, no.
No, no! no, no, no, no, no.
No, no! no, no, no, no, no.
No, no! how do you say please in how do you say please in how do you say please in armenian? Armenian? Armenian? please, sir.
please, sir.
please, sir.
please don't do that.
please don't do that.
please don't do that.
don't do that! don't do that! don't do that! shit.
Jesus fucking christ.
shit.
Jesus fucking christ.
shit.
Jesus fucking christ.
no, no, no, no, no! Whoa! no, no, no, no, no! Whoa! no, no, no, no, no! Whoa! aah! Aah! Aah! aah! Aah! Aah! aah! Aah! Aah! [siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
woman: All right, everybody, Woman: All right, everybody, Woman: All right, everybody, settle down.
Your safety means Settle down.
Your safety means Settle down.
Your safety means so much to me.
You guys are my So much to me.
You guys are my So much to me.
You guys are my kids, you know? I can't have any Kids, you know? I can't have any Kids, you know? I can't have any of my own, so Of my own, so Of my own, so Uh, when I was a kid, we had a Uh, when I was a kid, we had a Uh, when I was a kid, we had a new crossing guard named lester.
New crossing guard named lester.
New crossing guard named lester.
Real nice guy, right? Yeah.
Real nice guy, right? Yeah.
Real nice guy, right? Yeah.
Sure.
Yeah, he looked good, Sure.
Yeah, he looked good, Sure.
Yeah, he looked good, right? Wearin' a badge, slicked Right? Wearin' a badge, slicked Right? Wearin' a badge, slicked hair.
This is a lesson in not Hair.
This is a lesson in not Hair.
This is a lesson in not trusting just anybody.
Lester Trusting just anybody.
Lester Trusting just anybody.
Lester came to work every day with a Came to work every day with a Came to work every day with a big bucket of candy.
I was real Big bucket of candy.
I was real Big bucket of candy.
I was real fat, and I loved candy, and I'd Fat, and I loved candy, and I'd Fat, and I loved candy, and I'd do anything for it.
Ok? And Do anything for it.
Ok? And Do anything for it.
Ok? And lester knew it.
Hello? Uh, Lester knew it.
Hello? Uh, Lester knew it.
Hello? Uh, whoo-hoo? Over here.
Oh, she-- Whoo-hoo? Over here.
Oh, she-- Whoo-hoo? Over here.
Oh, she-- oh, um, hi.
Hi.
Hi! Oh, um, hi.
Hi.
Hi! Oh, um, hi.
Hi.
Hi! hi.
hi.
hi.
I was just telling the kids a I was just telling the kids a I was just telling the kids a story.
I'm not--I'm not real Story.
I'm not--I'm not real Story.
I'm not--I'm not real sure what you're doin' down Sure what you're doin' down Sure what you're doin' down there, but uh-- There, but uh-- There, but uh-- oh, I just wandered in.
oh, I just wandered in.
oh, I just wandered in.
Where's the bathroom? hey, stevie.
hey, stevie.
hey, stevie.
fellas.
How's it goin'? fellas.
How's it goin'? fellas.
How's it goin'? Junior: Good morning, stevie.
Junior: Good morning, stevie.
Junior: Good morning, stevie.
well, good for me, but well, good for me, but well, good for me, but Not so good-- Not so good-- Not so good-- not so good for sheriff not so good for sheriff not so good for sheriff chechekevitch.
No.
Chechekevitch.
No.
Chechekevitch.
No.
I'm sorry, I need a moment.
I'm sorry, I need a moment.
I'm sorry, I need a moment.
no, it's all right.
It's all no, it's all right.
It's all no, it's all right.
It's all right.
Just work it out.
Right.
Just work it out.
Right.
Just work it out.
Stevie: Take your time.
Stevie: Take your time.
Stevie: Take your time.
[dangle snorts.]
[dangle snorts.]
[dangle snorts.]
so, what is it? Is it, uh so, what is it? Is it, uh so, what is it? Is it, uh he was definitely murdered he was definitely murdered he was definitely murdered By poison.
By poison.
By poison.
poisoned.
Hello.
Hello! Ok, poisoned.
Hello.
Hello! Ok, poisoned.
Hello.
Hello! Ok, so, we're thinkin' poison.
So, we're thinkin' poison.
So, we're thinkin' poison.
um, definitely poisoning um, definitely poisoning um, definitely poisoning from[sighs.]
how do you say? From[sighs.]
how do you say? From[sighs.]
how do you say? oral? Mouth? oral? Mouth? oral? Mouth? through the mouth.
Mouthal through the mouth.
Mouthal through the mouth.
Mouthal area.
Area.
Area.
poison in the mouth.
So poison in the mouth.
So poison in the mouth.
So somebody--someone who wanted Somebody--someone who wanted Somebody--someone who wanted this man dead slipped something This man dead slipped something This man dead slipped something into him.
Into him.
Into him.
now, is it possible somebody now, is it possible somebody now, is it possible somebody tried to roofie him, and they Tried to roofie him, and they Tried to roofie him, and they just kinda-- Just kinda-- Just kinda-- over-roofied? Super roofied? over-roofied? Super roofied? over-roofied? Super roofied? yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
no, not a roofie.
no, not a roofie.
no, not a roofie.
Dangle: Not a roofie.
It's not Dangle: Not a roofie.
It's not Dangle: Not a roofie.
It's not roofinal.
Roofinal.
Roofinal.
all right, so he wasn't all right, so he wasn't all right, so he wasn't roofied.
Some kind of mouthal Roofied.
Some kind of mouthal Roofied.
Some kind of mouthal poisoning.
Poisoning.
Poisoning.
mouthal.
Mouthal poisoning.
mouthal.
Mouthal poisoning.
mouthal.
Mouthal poisoning.
can yu do--can you test to can yu do--can you test to can yu do--can you test to see, like, what it is? See, like, what it is? See, like, what it is? oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I could do that.
Should I? I could do that.
Should I? I could do that.
Should I? yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
oh.
oh.
oh.
that'd be awesome.
that'd be awesome.
that'd be awesome.
that'd be great.
That'd that'd be great.
That'd that'd be great.
That'd really--I mean, it'd save us a Really--I mean, it'd save us a Really--I mean, it'd save us a lot of guessing.
Lot of guessing.
Lot of guessing.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
you know.
[man playing guitar, singing.]
[man playing guitar, singing.]
[man playing guitar, singing.]
stay in school.
stay in school.
stay in school.
Man: ♪ who's with me? He's Man: ♪ who's with me? He's Man: ♪ who's with me? He's awesome, oh, yeahGod ♪ Awesome, oh, yeahGod ♪ Awesome, oh, yeahGod ♪ hey, whoo! hey, whoo! hey, whoo! howdy, minstrel.
howdy, minstrel.
howdy, minstrel.
oh, hello, officers.
oh, hello, officers.
oh, hello, officers.
sir, we got a report that sir, we got a report that sir, we got a report that there's been some drug selling There's been some drug selling There's been some drug selling goin' on with the students here Goin' on with the students here Goin' on with the students here in this immediate area.
In this immediate area.
In this immediate area.
whereabouts? whereabouts? whereabouts? well, right in this area.
well, right in this area.
well, right in this area.
right around the perimeter of right around the perimeter of right around the perimeter of the school.
The school.
The school.
well, I can assure you that well, I can assure you that well, I can assure you that within the range of my voice, Within the range of my voice, Within the range of my voice, all I've been sharing is the All I've been sharing is the All I've been sharing is the power of the lord, and that's Power of the lord, and that's Power of the lord, and that's all I've seen from the kids.
You All I've seen from the kids.
You All I've seen from the kids.
You know, the youth are coming out Know, the youth are coming out Know, the youth are coming out and And And hey, you know, I want to hey, you know, I want to hey, you know, I want to shake your hand.
Shake your hand.
Shake your hand.
oh, hello.
Thank you very oh, hello.
Thank you very oh, hello.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Much.
Thank you very much.
Much.
Thank you very much.
Pastor dave.
Pastor dave.
Pastor dave.
Pastor dave.
Pastor dave.
Pastor dave.
pastor dave, I'm deputy pastor dave, I'm deputy pastor dave, I'm deputy kimball.
Kimball.
Kimball.
oh, hello.
You got funky on oh, hello.
You got funky on oh, hello.
You got funky on me.
From first united church of Me.
From first united church of Me.
From first united church of our lord, right around the bend Our lord, right around the bend Our lord, right around the bend there.
So I'm just singing and, There.
So I'm just singing and, There.
So I'm just singing and, you knowIf the youth won't You knowIf the youth won't You knowIf the youth won't come to church, let's bring the Come to church, let's bring the Come to church, let's bring the church to the youth.
Church to the youth.
Church to the youth.
hey, good for you.
hey, good for you.
hey, good for you.
amen.
amen.
amen.
♪ "d" stands for do you hear ♪ "d" stands for do you hear ♪ "d" stands for do you hear his voice? "r" stands for are His voice? "r" stands for are His voice? "r" stands for are you listenin'? "u" stands for You listenin'? "u" stands for You listenin'? "u" stands for understand that "g" stands for Understand that "g" stands for Understand that "g" stands for god.
What does that spell? ♪ God.
What does that spell? ♪ God.
What does that spell? ♪ so, uh, that's--you know, I'm So, uh, that's--you know, I'm So, uh, that's--you know, I'm just rockin' it out for the Just rockin' it out for the Just rockin' it out for the lord.
Lord.
Lord.
♪ god made rainbows, ♪ god made rainbows, ♪ god made rainbows, god made ♪ God made ♪ God made ♪ and I like it.
and I like it.
and I like it.
I like rainbows.
I like rainbows.
I like rainbows.
♪ god made trees ♪ ♪ god made trees ♪ ♪ god made trees ♪ ♪ I like trees ♪ ♪ I like trees ♪ ♪ I like trees ♪ ♪ god made mushrooms ♪ ♪ god made mushrooms ♪ ♪ god made mushrooms ♪ ♪ I love mushrooms ♪ ♪ I love mushrooms ♪ ♪ I love mushrooms ♪ ♪ do you like mushrooms? ♪ ♪ do you like mushrooms? ♪ ♪ do you like mushrooms? ♪ ♪ I love mushrooms ♪ ♪ I love mushrooms ♪ ♪ I love mushrooms ♪ ♪ let's get some mushrooms, ♪ let's get some mushrooms, ♪ let's get some mushrooms, oh, oh, yeah, let's get high on Oh, oh, yeah, let's get high on Oh, oh, yeah, let's get high on god ♪ God ♪ God ♪ you know what? I would you know what? I would you know what? I would love--I want to give you some Love--I want to give you some Love--I want to give you some money.
Money.
Money.
what? Hello.
what? Hello.
what? Hello.
do you just put it here in do you just put it here in do you just put it here in the, uh The, uh The, uh no.
That's bribe money.
no.
That's bribe money.
no.
That's bribe money.
we insist.
we insist.
we insist.
god is not about money.
God god is not about money.
God god is not about money.
God is about Is about Is about I just thought I'd give you a I just thought I'd give you a I just thought I'd give you a little donation.
Little donation.
Little donation.
you know, officers, I you know, officers, I you know, officers, I appreciate that, but I know how Appreciate that, but I know how Appreciate that, but I know how much you all get paid.
Much you all get paid.
Much you all get paid.
we probably should circle the we probably should circle the we probably should circle the area again just to see if we can Area again just to see if we can Area again just to see if we can see anything.
But would you just See anything.
But would you just See anything.
But would you just send us out on somethin'? 'cause Send us out on somethin'? 'cause Send us out on somethin'? 'cause you just really have made my You just really have made my You just really have made my day.
Day.
Day.
all right.
UhI got one.
all right.
UhI got one.
all right.
UhI got one.
Kids always like to ask me, Kids always like to ask me, Kids always like to ask me, "how can I get in touch with "how can I get in touch with "how can I get in touch with god? How can I put god inside of God? How can I put god inside of God? How can I put god inside of me?" I think there's a couple Me?" I think there's a couple Me?" I think there's a couple ways.
Ways.
Ways.
♪ you gotta smoke, snort, ♪ you gotta smoke, snort, ♪ you gotta smoke, snort, inject or swallow, Inject or swallow, Inject or swallow, get in touch with god today, Get in touch with god today, Get in touch with god today, smoke, snort, inject or swallow, Smoke, snort, inject or swallow, Smoke, snort, inject or swallow, did you forget? Let's count Did you forget? Let's count Did you forget? Let's count the ways ♪ The ways ♪ The ways ♪ and then it repeats, uh, right And then it repeats, uh, right And then it repeats, uh, right after that.
After that.
After that.
hey! Hey! hey! Hey! hey! Hey! you can't snort the lord! you can't snort the lord! you can't snort the lord! [siren.]
listen, you 2-bit fucking listen, you 2-bit fucking listen, you 2-bit fucking floozie, we know you did it! Floozie, we know you did it! Floozie, we know you did it! We know you fucking killed We know you fucking killed We know you fucking killed walter! We know when you did it, Walter! We know when you did it, Walter! We know when you did it, why you did it, where you did Why you did it, where you did Why you did it, where you did it, and how you did it, you It, and how you did it, you It, and how you did it, you little fucking tramp! So sign Little fucking tramp! So sign Little fucking tramp! So sign the god damn confession! Hey, I thought I'd try.
It Hey, I thought I'd try.
It Hey, I thought I'd try.
It worked barney miller when Worked barney miller when Worked barney miller when they used to do it.
Great, now They used to do it.
Great, now They used to do it.
Great, now I'm losing my voice.
I'm losing my voice.
I'm losing my voice.
you really get so worked up you really get so worked up you really get so worked up when you do that.
When you do that.
When you do that.
the doctor has me on 1/2 my the doctor has me on 1/2 my the doctor has me on 1/2 my meds.
Anyway, what was your Meds.
Anyway, what was your Meds.
Anyway, what was your relationship like with walter? Relationship like with walter? Relationship like with walter? [foreign accent.]
it was [foreign accent.]
it was [foreign accent.]
it was great.
Great.
Great.
oh, was it?! Was it great?! oh, was it?! Was it great?! oh, was it?! Was it great?! It was great? It was great? It was great? yeah, it was great.
yeah, it was great.
yeah, it was great.
yeah, he was a nice guy.
yeah, he was a nice guy.
yeah, he was a nice guy.
yeah, he was nice.
I believe yeah, he was nice.
I believe yeah, he was nice.
I believe I'm owed an apology.
I'm owed an apology.
I'm owed an apology.
for what? for what? for what? for your nasty lesbian for your nasty lesbian for your nasty lesbian behavior.
Behavior.
Behavior.
I can't apologize for that.
I can't apologize for that.
I can't apologize for that.
It was college, it was the It was college, it was the It was college, it was the seventies, and everybody was Seventies, and everybody was Seventies, and everybody was doing it.
Listen, what is with Doing it.
Listen, what is with Doing it.
Listen, what is with this armenian boyfriend of This armenian boyfriend of This armenian boyfriend of yours? Yours? Yours? oh, hey! Hey, joe! How you oh, hey! Hey, joe! How you oh, hey! Hey, joe! How you doin'? UhUhHey.
Taking Doin'? UhUhHey.
Taking Doin'? UhUhHey.
Taking notes.
Taking notes.
Notes.
Taking notes.
Notes.
Taking notes.
UhLesbianGot it.
UhLesbianGot it.
UhLesbianGot it.
[siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
we got a little pool going we got a little pool going we got a little pool going down in the gentlemen's locker Down in the gentlemen's locker Down in the gentlemen's locker room as to what wiegel's having.
Room as to what wiegel's having.
Room as to what wiegel's having.
Where's your money? Where's your money? Where's your money? cyst.
cyst.
cyst.
rottweiler.
rottweiler.
rottweiler.
I'm scared.
I'm scared I'm scared.
I'm scared I'm scared.
I'm scared because I'm at the sperm bank at Because I'm at the sperm bank at Because I'm at the sperm bank at leastTwice a day.
LeastTwice a day.
LeastTwice a day.
like a cement mixer.
Just like a cement mixer.
Just like a cement mixer.
Just kinda [whistles.]
keeps pourin' Kinda [whistles.]
keeps pourin' Kinda [whistles.]
keeps pourin' down the old chute.
Down the old chute.
Down the old chute.
Man: Why lamaze, you ask? Well, Man: Why lamaze, you ask? Well, Man: Why lamaze, you ask? Well, why not lamaze, I ask? It's what Why not lamaze, I ask? It's what Why not lamaze, I ask? It's what I do.
I can't help it.
I love I do.
I can't help it.
I love I do.
I can't help it.
I love women.
I love babies.
So, Women.
I love babies.
So, Women.
I love babies.
So, welcome.
Uh, this is our little Welcome.
Uh, this is our little Welcome.
Uh, this is our little safe place.
This is our womb, Safe place.
This is our womb, Safe place.
This is our womb, our dojo.
No one is allowed in, Our dojo.
No one is allowed in, Our dojo.
No one is allowed in, except, of course, the cameraman Except, of course, the cameraman Except, of course, the cameraman today.
I'm more than just Today.
I'm more than just Today.
I'm more than just a lamaze teacher.
I teach about A lamaze teacher.
I teach about A lamaze teacher.
I teach about child care as well.
And it's Child care as well.
And it's Child care as well.
And it's interesting, but not a lot of Interesting, but not a lot of Interesting, but not a lot of people have experience holding People have experience holding People have experience holding babies.
So, I'd like to go Babies.
So, I'd like to go Babies.
So, I'd like to go through the--who's my favorite Through the--who's my favorite Through the--who's my favorite girl? Girl? Girl? [wiegel laughs.]
[wiegel laughs.]
[wiegel laughs.]
get up here.
Get up here.
Get up here.
let me help you.
let me help you.
let me help you.
all right, and you're gonna all right, and you're gonna all right, and you're gonna all right.
all right.
all right.
you got him right there.
you got him right there.
you got him right there.
There you go.
There you go.
There you go.
I got him.
Oh! Ahh! Ahh! I got him.
Oh! Ahh! Ahh! I got him.
Oh! Ahh! Ahh! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! you want to get the body, you want to get the body, you want to get the body, too.
Too.
Too.
ahh! Oh! ahh! Oh! ahh! Oh! all right.
These are all right.
These are all right.
These are expensive models and, uh Expensive models and, uh Expensive models and, uh Don't worry about it.
It's hey, stevie.
hey, stevie.
hey, stevie.
hi, stevie.
hi, stevie.
hi, stevie.
hey, fellas.
hey, fellas.
hey, fellas.
how you doin'? how you doin'? how you doin'? good.
good.
good.
so, what do we got? so, what do we got? so, what do we got? he was killed by peanuts.
he was killed by peanuts.
he was killed by peanuts.
Delicious peanuts.
I mean, they Delicious peanuts.
I mean, they Delicious peanuts.
I mean, they weren't delicious for him.
Well, Weren't delicious for him.
Well, Weren't delicious for him.
Well, they might have been, but they They might have been, but they They might have been, but they killed him.
He's deathly Killed him.
He's deathly Killed him.
He's deathly allergic to them.
Allergic to them.
Allergic to them.
someone must have known he someone must have known he someone must have known he was allergic to peanuts.
Was allergic to peanuts.
Was allergic to peanuts.
we find out who knew for a we find out who knew for a we find out who knew for a fact.
And here's what we-- Fact.
And here's what we-- Fact.
And here's what we-- here's how we do it.
Here's how we do it.
Here's how we do it.
So, I heard sheriff So, I heard sheriff So, I heard sheriff chechekevitch was allergic to Chechekevitch was allergic to Chechekevitch was allergic to cats.
"that's funny, he was Cats.
"that's funny, he was Cats.
"that's funny, he was allergic to peanuts," says Allergic to peanuts," says Allergic to peanuts," says suspect number one.
Suspect number one.
Suspect number one.
I'm lost.
What are you doin'? I'm lost.
What are you doin'? I'm lost.
What are you doin'? I'm doin'--I'm doin' a I'm doin'--I'm doin' a I'm doin'--I'm doin' a hypothetical interrogation.
Hypothetical interrogation.
Hypothetical interrogation.
Were you with me, stevie? Were you with me, stevie? Were you with me, stevie? yeah.
You did a little scene.
yeah.
You did a little scene.
yeah.
You did a little scene.
Junior: Oh.
All right.
All Junior: Oh.
All right.
All Junior: Oh.
All right.
All right.
Right.
Right.
here, I'll play--here's how here, I'll play--here's how here, I'll play--here's how we're gonna break this one down.
We're gonna break this one down.
We're gonna break this one down.
Ok, stevie, you're suspect Ok, stevie, you're suspect Ok, stevie, you're suspect number one.
Number one.
Number one.
mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
so, I hear sheriff so, I hear sheriff so, I hear sheriff chechekevitch was allergic to Chechekevitch was allergic to Chechekevitch was allergic to lamb's wool.
Lamb's wool.
Lamb's wool.
oh, I thought he was allergic oh, I thought he was allergic oh, I thought he was allergic to cats.
And, uh To cats.
And, uh To cats.
And, uh you're not helping.
you're not helping.
you're not helping.
Peanuts.
Peanuts.
Peanuts.
peanuts! See? And then that peanuts! See? And then that peanuts! See? And then that makes him the suspect.
That's Makes him the suspect.
That's Makes him the suspect.
That's how we're gonna do it.
That's How we're gonna do it.
That's How we're gonna do it.
That's how we'll it down.
The one who How we'll it down.
The one who How we'll it down.
The one who knows is the one who knows.
Knows is the one who knows.
Knows is the one who knows.
And he who smelt it dealt it.
♪ doo-pa-doo-pa-doo-pa-doo, ♪ doo-pa-doo-pa-doo-pa-doo, ♪ doo-pa-doo-pa-doo-pa-doo, today's question: Do you know Today's question: Do you know Today's question: Do you know the legal age of sexual consent? The legal age of sexual consent? The legal age of sexual consent? Here in nevadaIt's 16! Here in nevadaIt's 16! Here in nevadaIt's 16! Boop-boop-boop-boop, Boop-boop-boop-boop, Boop-boop-boop-boop, don't hesitate to ask your Don't hesitate to ask your Don't hesitate to ask your partnerOr p-p-p-p-partners PartnerOr p-p-p-p-partners PartnerOr p-p-p-p-partners For a government-issued I.
D.
, For a government-issued I.
D.
, For a government-issued I.
D.
, if possible, If possible, If possible, make a photocopy Make a photocopy Make a photocopy for your records, For your records, For your records, busting this move could keep you Busting this move could keep you Busting this move could keep you from catching a ride in my From catching a ride in my From catching a ride in my wheels ♪ Wheels ♪ Wheels ♪ [siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
man: [yelling.]
from the Man: [yelling.]
from the Man: [yelling.]
from the department of weights and Department of weights and Department of weights and measures.
Measures.
Measures.
sheriff's department.
sheriff's department.
sheriff's department.
sheriff's department.
Hi.
sheriff's department.
Hi.
sheriff's department.
Hi.
Man: I'm from the department of Man: I'm from the department of Man: I'm from the department of weights and measures.
And I'm Weights and measures.
And I'm Weights and measures.
And I'm following a complaint.
Following a complaint.
Following a complaint.
what seems to be the problem? what seems to be the problem? what seems to be the problem? it said "2 for 1"! it said "2 for 1"! it said "2 for 1"! did you not give him 2 for did you not give him 2 for did you not give him 2 for one.
What is-- One.
What is-- One.
What is-- he got his 2 for one.
he got his 2 for one.
he got his 2 for one.
I got a 2 or one.
Sure.
But I got a 2 or one.
Sure.
But I got a 2 or one.
Sure.
But they said it was 1/2 an hour.
I They said it was 1/2 an hour.
I They said it was 1/2 an hour.
I paid for 1/2 an hour.
I came in Paid for 1/2 an hour.
I came in Paid for 1/2 an hour.
I came in escorted me out.
And I am from Escorted me out.
And I am from Escorted me out.
And I am from the department of weights and The department of weights and The department of weights and measures! And we follow these Measures! And we follow these Measures! And we follow these things! Things! Things! I don't know if I I don't know if I I don't know if I necessarily-- Necessarily-- Necessarily-- department of weights and department of weights and department of weights and measures! Measures! Measures! you know, I think-- you know, I think-- you know, I think-- acid.
acid.
acid.
yeah.
We're lookin' at yeah.
We're lookin' at yeah.
We're lookin' at acid.
Don't do it.
acid.
Don't do it.
acid.
Don't do it.
weights and measures! weights and measures! weights and measures! hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
sir? No, you don't.
No, you sir? No, you don't.
No, you sir? No, you don't.
No, you don't.
All right, let's go down Don't.
All right, let's go down Don't.
All right, let's go down to the station and get you some To the station and get you some To the station and get you some orange juice.
Come on.
Orange juice.
Come on.
Orange juice.
Come on.
I broke it.
I'm sorry.
I broke it.
I'm sorry.
I broke it.
I'm sorry.
that's all right.
that's all right.
that's all right.
[crying.]
I'm sorry I broke [crying.]
I'm sorry I broke [crying.]
I'm sorry I broke it.
It.
It.
it's ok.
All right.
it's ok.
All right.
it's ok.
All right.
all right, come on.
all right, come on.
all right, come on.
all right, now, am I gonna all right, now, am I gonna all right, now, am I gonna have to charge you? Let's Have to charge you? Let's Have to charge you? Let's all right, come on.
all right, come on.
all right, come on.
friendship.
friendship.
friendship.
I'm sorry I broke it.
I'm sorry I broke it.
I'm sorry I broke it.
[man sobbing.]
[man sobbing.]
[man sobbing.]
fine.
Let's not have a sit fine.
Let's not have a sit fine.
Let's not have a sit down-- Down-- Down-- oh, god, another tree.
oh, god, another tree.
oh, god, another tree.
no.
no.
no.
it's so big.
it's so big.
it's so big.
[siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
[playing taps.]
ow! Ow! Ow! ow! Ow! Ow! ow! Ow! Ow! just for a second, forget just for a second, forget just for a second, forget that we're officers of the law.
That we're officers of the law.
That we're officers of the law.
We're just buddies in a room.
We're just buddies in a room.
We're just buddies in a room.
we're just your homies, which we're just your homies, which we're just your homies, which we are.
We are.
We are.
We are.
We are.
We are.
now, are you--are you stoned? now, are you--are you stoned? now, are you--are you stoned? Are you stoned right now? Are you stoned right now? Are you stoned right now? ha ha.
On pot? ha ha.
On pot? ha ha.
On pot? yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
oh, yeah.
It's the medical oh, yeah.
It's the medical oh, yeah.
It's the medical marijuana that I bought from an Marijuana that I bought from an Marijuana that I bought from an aids guy.
Aids guy.
Aids guy.
aah! Aah! aah! Aah! aah! Aah! mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
Captioning institute Captioning institute listen, do you mind if we listen, do you mind if we listen, do you mind if we just take a couple of-- Just take a couple of-- Just take a couple of-- why not? Why not? why not? Why not? why not? Why not? you know.
you know.
you know.
I got a call and response one I got a call and response one I got a call and response one or you.
How 'bout that? What I Or you.
How 'bout that? What I Or you.
How 'bout that? What I say, you say right back to me.
Say, you say right back to me.
Say, you say right back to me.
oh, that's called-- oh, that's called-- oh, that's called-- sure.
Sure.
Let's do it.
sure.
Sure.
Let's do it.
sure.
Sure.
Let's do it.
♪ well, god is love ♪ ♪ well, god is love ♪ ♪ well, god is love ♪ ♪ god is love ♪ ♪ god is love ♪ ♪ god is love ♪ ♪ god is happiness ♪ ♪ god is happiness ♪ ♪ god is happiness ♪ ♪ god is happiness ♪ ♪ god is happiness ♪ ♪ god is happiness ♪ ♪ god is ecstasy, ♪ god is ecstasy, ♪ god is ecstasy, god is ecstasy, God is ecstasy, God is ecstasy, I want some ecstasy ♪ I want some ecstasy ♪ I want some ecstasy ♪ ♪ I want some ecstasy ♪ ♪ I want some ecstasy ♪ ♪ I want some ecstasy ♪ ♪ let's get rollin' ♪ let's get rollin' ♪ let's get rollin' with the lord god ♪ With the lord god ♪ With the lord god ♪ yeah! yeah! yeah! ha ha ha ha ha.