Shakespeare & Hathaway: Private Investigators (2018) s04e06 Episode Script
Die We Must
1
Pick up, pick up, pick up.
ANSWERPHONE: Please leave a message after the tone.
Lu, it's me.
Again.
Why aren't you or Frank answering your phone? I know he might have lost his, or forgotten to charge it, thrown it at someone.
But not you.
Um, anyway, I am very, very worried.
Call me.
LINE RINGS PHONE: Emergency, which service? Hello.
I'd like to report a kidnapping.
They've run out of decaf? HE SNORES Oh, we could do with the caffeine, anyway.
Put an extra shot in Frank's.
OK.
Thanks, Sebastian.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
KNOCKING AT THE DOOR WHISPERS: Frank! Argh! Frank.
There's knocking at the door and it sounds like an unpaid debt.
KNOCKING CONTINUES I don't think so.
Subtle differences.
KNOCKING CONTINUES All right, I'm coming! Sorry to bother you, but are you Frank Hathaway? Who's asking? Me.
Well, my boss.
And who's your boss? Er I can't really say.
What's the case? Er I can't really say.
But you need to come with me.
Where to? Er, don't tell me - you can't really say.
Well, this has been enlightening.
You'd better come in.
Come on.
I'm not supposed to tell you this.
My boss is a very private man.
He's this author.
Greg Alban? Greg Alban? As in the world-famous science-fiction writer who wrote my favourite book ever? That's amazing, Frank.
I didn't know you'd read a book.
God! I've read the whole of the Equinox 9 series.
The last one's out this year.
Isn't it? Yeah there's been a problem.
But you can't say.
There's been a break-in.
But he doesn't want to involve the police.
Can you come? Now? I don't thinkEr, er You know the sound of that unpaid debt? If we don't take this case, you're going to hear it again - soon.
OK, fine.
We'll take the case.
Lead the way.
Oh, come on, Greg! Hiya.
Hello.
Hey, we're off to see a man called Greg Alb and if we're not back in a couple of hours, will you call the police? Ha-ha-ha? Er, no, not joking? Yeah.
Right.
Sorry, I'll need to take your phones.
What? Greg's a very private man.
He doesn't want you tracking the journey.
Famously reclusive.
It's legit.
I, mean, I am going to need It's not like he asked us to put a bag over our head or something, is it? Ha-ha-ha! Yeah.
I talked him out of that.
Thank you.
Wow! So he's sold a few books, then? What's the appeal? It's this dystopian, futuristic drama about warring families and power.
No, still don't get it.
I got them.
But I had to say who I worked for and a bit about the case.
I'm sure Greg will understand.
I'm Don, Greg's executive assistant.
Just to warn you, his bark's worse than his bite.
Ooh.
If that's more do-gooding charity freeloaders, tell them to get lost! His bark does sounds quite bad.
Oh, can I have my phone back, please? Sorry.
Boss doesn't do phones.
What? Why? If you'd read any of my books, you'd know that, one day, technology will betray you.
Yeah, like when Prince Haldameer's battle plans are given to Pergitran on that data coin.
Greg, these are the private detectives you requested.
Frank Hathaway.
Big fan.
Huge fan.
My fans are crazy.
Check my mail box.
Greg, could we be more polite to our guests? Unbidden guests.
Why was I not informed? Do they require tea? Yes, they do.
Thank you.
No time for tea! Quit yammering and get up here.
Dumb Brits and their obsession with tea.
Come along.
Ahem.
Wow, scary warrior statue - every home should have one.
Oh, Mr Alban, I have some accounts for you to authorise, if Bah! Not now, Max.
Oh.
Outsiders.
Guests, Max.
They're called guests.
WHISPERING: I don't think they get many visitors.
So, Mr Alban, you've had some sort of break-in? Who said that? Carl, get in here now! No, actually, I-I saw a broken window out the front when I came in.
I just put two and two together.
FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS Yes, boss? Nothing.
Get out.
Yes, boss.
There was a break-in.
Someone stole my final chapter from my final book.
When did this happen? Around 2am this morning.
I was at my desk, sleeping, when I heard a crash of glass.
It was from the bedroom, so I grabbed my sword .
.
and I went in there.
And if there had been an intruder, I was going to slice them in half! Follow me.
So I come in, find someone's smashed the window, taken the manuscript and left a note.
Right, so we're looking for a manuscript - presumably about 20 pages, or? Oh, don't ask me.
I've not been allowed to read this final chapter.
It's way beyond my pay grade.
12 pages.
With "Earth And Dust" on the top.
I wrote it years ago, when I wrote my first book.
It's where the whole Equinox 9 series is heading, and if it's found on the internet Gah! Spoilers, lost sales.
Hence the ransom note.
Right.
Ahem.
So, bank number, which presumably is some kind of untraceable offshore account.
"You have 48 hours for the safe return of the manuscript" £5 million? Oh, no, so this is for the police.
You think I want the cops crawling around with their squawking radios and smartphones? Greg is a very private man.
This is why we hired you.
One of you, I believe, is an ex-police detective? ErYeah, that's me.
Ex Oh! Ex-copper and PI.
Two for the price of one.
Um, ahem.
Speaking of price, er, our fee, it's, um Find the manuscript and you get 1% of five mil.
50K? 50K! Well, we can work with that.
If it ends up online and you haven't found it, you don't get a dime.
Well, shouldn't be too hard, then, cos it's almost certainly still in this house.
What? No-one actually broke in.
See, it rained last night.
And with the garden below, there'd be footmarks.
I don't see any.
The fans know about the final chapter, but they don't know where it was kept, or which window was the closest.
Thieves aren't that lucky.
I think it's an inside job.
Someone in my house .
.
STOLE FROM ME?! Lock the doors! No-one gets in, no-one goes out till the thief is exposed and .
.
spit-roasted! OK, Greg.
Calm.
Rest.
Give us a minute, will you? Yes.
Yep, yeah.
Hello, Lu, it's Sebastian.
Just checking you're OK.
You're not answering your phone, which is making me extremely worried, although I did drink all three coffees Cappuccino? .
.
which I realise was a mistake.
This Greg Alban - the only one I can find is some sci-fi author who writes books that attract rather a lot of tragic fanboys.
Call me back.
Please.
LINE RINGS DS Keeler.
They've gone missing.
They got into a posh car with a tall man and now I just don't know where they are.
Wait, who is this? How did you get my number?It's Sebastian.
PHONE VOICE: Shakespeare and Hathaway, Private Investigators.
They're not answering their phones.
Frank has got a smartphone - it's probably too smart for him.
That is not fair, really.
Anyway, Lu is very tech-savvy and she always ans Listen, I investigate murders.
Hang up and call missing persons.
And then you'll investigate? Yes.
Wonderful.
If they've been murdered.
What? Oh.
Search the desk.
You do it! I can't.
There might be spoilers.
Spoilers are the last thing you need to be scared of.
What you should be worried about is is sword-wielding psychos.
Let's just go! Ah! He's resting, poor man.
My colleague is quite concerned about Mr Alban's potentially violent behaviour.
Yeah, look, I'm not usually one to go big on health and safety - it's just that your boss does seem to enjoy shouting and waving his weapon about.
He does.
I knew this was a bad idea.
I'll get Carl to drop you back and we'll forget the whole thing.
Hang on.
No.
What will you do without us? I don't know.
Pay the ransom, probably.
Greg can afford it.
What, £5 million, just like that? Oh, he'll make three times that when the book's published and then the problem disappears.
Well, you obviously know Greg better than I.
Oh, "better than me".
Not "better than I".
The indirect object? Didn't they teach you grammar at school? No.
Er, but the point I was trying to make is that Greg doesn't seem like the type to pay a ransom.
Hm.
That's a good point.
We shall see.
Carl, can you get the car ready? Our guests aren't staying.
QUIETLY: Yes, we are.
We've got to take the case.
Look, Frank, I know you're a fan.
It's not just that.
50 grand to find a manuscript in this house? Huh? Come on, admit it.
You're curious.
OK, I am a bit.
All right, we'll do it.
But only if I don't have to be in a room with Greg.
We'll take the case.
I was a lowly writer's assistant in Hollywood, working on a low-budget science-fiction TV show.
When Greg moved on to write his first Equinox 9 book, I went with him.
So where were you at two o'clock last night? Working.
As usual.
Trying to hit publishing deadlines for the final book.
When I heard the scream, I came running - as did Carl and Deirdre.
Oh, is that the housekeeper? And cook.
Then came Max, our accountant.
He didn't arrive quite so fast.
So do you suspect him? No.
You're the one who thinks it's an inside job.
Greg mentioned fan mail.
Could we have a look at some? I wouldn't recommend it, but, yes.
And then I can introduce you to the wonderful world of Mad Max Moore along the way.
Ooh! CHURCH BELLS RING Viola? I know it's your day off and you need time away from work to relax and ring incredibly loud bells, but I'm really worried about Frank and Lu and Er Oh.
Wait.
I'll wait till you've finished.
So you're managing, er, Greg's millions without a computer? I had to have a spreadsheet just to run a hair salon.
Ha! On the City of London trading floors, there was no time to write anything down.
You learn to keep it all up here.
Right.
You have to keep records.
And this system has its strengths.
It can't be manipulated.
What, like the stock market? Quite so.
Or hacked, like Prince Pergitran's Eagle 3.
Prince Pergi-what what? Book two, The Twain Divide.
The emperor's got this brand-new fleet, right? And it's knocked out by this cyberbug.
All except Eagle 3, huh? Which runs purely on old-school tech.
Oh, I love that bit.
Yeah.
So, um, at the time of the break-in, where were you? We're pretty sure it's an inside job.
Oh.
This is a lamentable thing.
Are you sure? Greg has so many enemies.
What about the death threat? Death threat? Don didn't mention that.
That's why he hired Carl.
But you'd have to ask him about that.
And at the time of the break-in you were? I'd love to be able to say that I was burning the midnight oil .
.
but I was .
.
asleep in my room.
In the attic.
GREG: Max! MAX! Get in here! Oh, I-I really have to go.
Wow.
We should run some background checks on these people.
I'm going to give Sebastian a call and I can't! We're not allowed our phones.
This is madness.
Right, I'm going to find them.
Another cushy afternoon for Sebastian.
BELLS STOP RINGING Hi.
AH!Did you get my message? No! Are you coming to join the bell-ringing team? Oh, we'll have you working off the peal boards in no time.
Sorry, that sounds fascinating, but I need your help.
Frank and Lu have gone missing, I reported it, but nothing's happening.
What's happened? They got into a posh car with a man who looked like a member of the mafia.
Do they operate in Stratford-upon-Avon? How many coffees have you had? This was my fourth.
It probably hasn't helped.
OK, right.
Let's just establish the facts.
Did they say where they was going? To see someone called Greg Alban.
Greg Alban?Yes.
Seriously?Yes.
You see, the thing is, Carl, I can't do my job, or literally anything without my phone.
No phones.
Boss's orders.
OK, could I make a call outside? In theory.
What does "in theory" mean? I can't let you go outside.
No-one comes in, no-one goes out.
Boss's orders.
What?We don't We Oh! QUIETLY: We don't need our phones.
We can crack this case using only our wits.
So you were hired because of a death threat.
Could we see it? Greg burned it with a load of hate mail and begging letters.
Why didn't he just take it to the police? Oh, I can answer that.
Because Greg is a very private man.
Yeah.
All's I know is I was hired to look after this place.
And at the time of the apparent break-in, you were, what - sleeping? You think break-ins only happen during office hours, do you? Oh, give him a break, Frank.
He's got to sleep some point, hasn't he? He's not a vampire.
QUIETLY: Unlike some of the people in this house.
Look, I know Mr Alban comes across as, you know Psychotic? Yeah.
No.
He's not like that - not when you get to know him.
Get out! Get out, you snivelling, low-life worm! There's no way in hell I'm paying 5 mil to some Judas or Jezebel that betrayed me! You were saying? Well, he's been good to me.
He's given me an honest job.
Oh, did you used to have a dishonest one? No.
Stop trying to trap me.
I was in the army.
But when I left, I didn't have anywhere to go.
And now you live in a millionaire's house.
Must be tempting, eh, not to grab one of those valuables and run? Or wait for the big one - five mil? Ha! Well, if you did, it didn't work.
Mr Alban's not paying.
GONG SOUNDS Ah! What is that? That is a Japanese gong.
Greg's books draw on oriental honour systems.
And that sound - that sound has social, almost spiritual, connotations.
Er, no.
That gong just means it's tea time.
There might be cake.
No, I'm staying to find my phone.
But I will have cake if there's cake.
All the fan sites say Greg Alban lives around here.
OK, I'm a fan.
He's a recluse, but he has been sighted out a few times.
Ooh, where's that? Maybe we can work out where he lives from pictures like this.
Well, it's worth a go.
But it'll take you a while.
Let's get back to the office.
We can get more coffee on the way! Er, no, I think you've had enough.
Oh.
Our unbidden guests are still here.
Will you need beds for the night? We might, actually, yeah.
Although we haven't packed anything.
I can lend your colleague a nightie.
And some soap.
You can borrow a pair of Greg's pyjamas.
Don't tell him, though.
I'll have this in the hall.
I need to keep watch.
I see your lean and hungry look.
This is for Greg.
It's made of mushrooms? I don't imagine him being into this sort of stuff.
I have to make sure he gets a lot more Vitamin D - to make up for the lack of sunlight.
Less sugar and he'll sleep better.
He's normally up working till 5am.
5am? But he was asleep at two o'clock this morning, at the time of the so-called break-in.
Exhaustion, probably.
I have to get this to him before he turns into an angry hive of bees.
GREG: Deirdre! Where is my dinner? Too late.
Sounds like a hornet's nest.
Hm! I can't find our phones.
You should have distracted Carl for longer.
Sorry.
Got some cake for you.
Oh! Well, all is forgiven.
Hm.
What are you doing? Following a hunch.
There's something about Deirdre that's really bugging me.
Ooh, yeah, me, too.
She's really ghoulish, isn't she? Whoa, hello.
She can bake, though.
So moist.
No, I was thinking about some of the things she says.
Oh, yeah like us being "unbidden" guests.
I've heard that before.
And she just used the phrase "angry hive of bees".
Yes, sounds like Shakespeare.
We should ring Sebastian.
Oh, that's right, we can't.
Look the whole of the Equinox 9 series is based on Henry VI Part 1, 2 and 3.
And one of the characters in those books talks exactly like Deirdre.
Book five.
"If the Emperor learns of this by other means, "he'll be an angry hive of bees," said Princess Idredi.
Oh! Hang on a minute.
Are there actually bees in space? "Idredi"? That's practically an anagram for Deirdre.
You see, Princess Idredi is underhand and sneaky - just like Deirdre.
Is she?Yeah, she's been pulling a fast one with Greg's dinners.
And getting away with it.
If she wasn't, we'd have heard crockery smashing, wouldn't we? Yeah.
Ha.
CLOCK CHIMES Ho-ho! Frank, what are you doing? We haven't got time to sit about reading books.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Yeah.
We've got to find that manuscript.
And I've got a hunch that I want to follow, as well.
Oh? Well, I'm just I'm just going to eat the cake first.
TYPEWRITER KEYS CLACK Hello! Only me.
Ah, do come in.
Oh, you have.
I have, yes.
We were talking earlier about fan mail.
I wonder, is this it? Indeed.
Yeah? Oh.
Any more death threats? Ah, you heard about that.
Yeah, well, Max mentioned it.
I was surprised it hadn't come up sooner.
Your colleague had already decided this is an inside job.
Wow.
You have got some very angry and articulate readers.
They do get upset, especially when you kill off a favourite character.
Yeah, or characters? As in The Night Of A Thousand Sorrows.
Ah, the imperial army doesn't arrive, because Makveli refuses to honour his debt.
Don't you just hate it when that happens? You're clearly a fan of classic literature and yet you're stuck here typing up pages and pages of science fiction.
I do a little more than merely "typing up".
I'm editing, enhancing.
tidying the odd turn of phrase here and there.
Not that Greg's prose needs much improvement.
Wow, all that hard work and yet he still won't let you read the last 12 pages.
That must hurt.
Don! Get in here now.
That's my cue.
If you'll excuse me.
Have you ever thought about getting an intercom? Feel free to browse the fan mail if it'll make you feel better.
Some of it will make you feel sick.
Oh.
Technically, I'm a civilian and we're trespassing.
The gate's open.
It's not breaking and entering.
We're fine.
I'll check if the coast's clear.
Now, it's only a BK-7 prism lens, but it does the job.
Right.
Sure.
Can't get in that way.
How do the windows look through your beaky-peaky? BK7.
BK7.
It's locked.
That would be breaking and entering.
But there's often a legal way in.
I think I might have found a way in.
Huh.
It might be a trap.
I'll check.
I got us into this.
What are you doing? Well, where would you hide a 12-page document? Oh! In a room full of documents.
Oh, that's very smart.
Yeah, well, I'll help you look for it, then.
There was nothing in the fan mail.
I thought you said we didn't have time to sit around reading the books? Yeah, well, I just thought I ought to check up on the source material.
It's, um It's actually really great writing.
I can see why you're such a fan.
Not any more.
Yeah, no, well, never meet your heroes - that's what they say, isn't it? Especially when they turn out to be a paranoid recluse that's partial to waving a sword around.
How could you betray me?! Greg, no, please! Stop! You see, normally, a noise like that, we'd be running, wouldn't we? It's par for the course in this house.
Look, we find out who stole it, we'll know where to look.
Hm.
Well, the thing is, it could have been any one of them, couldn't it eh? Max.
Or? Don.
Or? Carl.
Or? Deirdre.
Hm.
Every one of them had the same five million reasons to do this.
What about Carl? He clammed up, didn't he? He's got a past.
Could have been Max.
No! He could cook the books up and steal five million without a ransom note.
What if this is not about money? It could be about revenge.
Don seemed really resentful about not being trusted with that final chapter.
Deirdre - she might have just got fed up of being yelled at all the time.
LOUD CREAKING Is that the front door? Lu! THEY SHRIEK Ah! You're OK! Oh, wow, I was until then.
Oh, I have been SO worried about you.
You wouldn't pick up any of my calls.
Well, they took our phones away from us.
Can you believe it? This place is a mad house.
How did you find us? Viola helped me.
Are you impressed? Very.
Yeah.
But you needn't have worried.
We're fine.
Everyone's fine.
WOMAN SCREAMS That didn't sound fine.
No, and it didn't sound like the usual screams you get around here, either.
Oh, ya! Everything all right? I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to scream.
You're allowed to scream.
He's dead.
Who's dead? Who are you? How did you get in? Er, the front door was open.
Phones aren't allowed.
Hello? I'd like to report a murder.
Murder? Yeah, Frank, I'm so sorry.
Greg! No! No, no, no! Who did this? I don't know.
I came in to take away the brandy glass and found him like this.
Deirdre, don't touch anything.
This is a crime scene.
Right, everybody calm down.
The police are on their way.
Sebastian, can you take everybody downstairs? I'll clear the area.
Frank! Frank, it's the manuscript! You mustn't touch anything.
No, but we've been hired to find a manuscript - 12 pages with "Earth and Dust" at the top.
This is it.
OK, well, it is about to become evidence.
OK, but could we take a photo? Oh, Lu, please! Not now.
It's just .
.
he's dead.
Er, we found Greg in his office.
Sorry.
Oh, you mean he's? Oh, no.
How? Run through with his samurai sword.
Here we go.
Have you been rummaging around in my nice, clean kitchen? I Only to make tea.
Sorry, I DOOR OPENS AND CREAKS Oh, hello.
I found the missing persons - no thanks to you.
Oh, no, if you're here, that means The other one better not be messing up my crime scene.
No, no, PC Deacon has been doing an excellent job of guarding the crime scene.
So what's going on, then? The deceased is Greg Alban, a science-fiction author - very successful.
I probably could have figured that out.
He hired us to find the final chapter of his forthcoming novel.
It's been stolen.
And there was a ransom note demanding £5 million for its safe return.
And they never called the police? No.
Because Greg is a very private man.
Which is why they hired Carl, so In fact, has anyone seen Carl? Who is Carl? The security guard.
A security guard who left the front door wide open.
Um, it was open when we arrived, we entered and heard Deirdre scream.
You don't think it could have been Carl who? Seems likely.
Alert all units for a Carl.
A Carl WITH WELSH ACCENT: Thompson.
Tall, male, well-built, possibly dangerous.
Approach with caution.
I'm going to look at the crime scene.
PC Morgan - statements from everyone.
PC Deacon? Cup of tea would be nice.
Found your phone.
Your phone.
Wow, you are hooked, aren't you? Thanks.
Sorry, I I'm surprised it was still there.
Good point.
Couple of phones could be some fast cash for a man on the run.
Hm.
I wonder why he left the army.
You could look it up.
Or you could.
HE SIGHS Sorry, it's just I'm at the bit where Pergitran's in the cave with Haldameer.
Haldameer! Ha! That's a great, that bit.
Right, I have given my statement, and Keeler has said we can go.
Or words to that effect.
He used other words.
Can you look up Carl's army record for me? I can try.
It might be easier back at the office.
OK.
Let's go.
Do you know what the shame is, though? I never got a chance to wear Greg's pyjamas.
HE SIGHS Er Oh.
It's not evidence, is it? We found the manuscript, but it's now evidence.
Oh, yeah, did you get pictures? Yeah, I took some before it was bagged up.
It's quite all right.
You will be paid as agreed.
Oh, this is a lamentable thing.
What's that? Do you think someone put something in his drink? Deirdre was a bit prickly about me making tea in her kitchen.
Wait.
Let's look at the timeline here.
What time was the scream? This is now a police matter, so will you kindly make your wild speculations elsewhere? Yes, sorry.
This must be really difficult time for you.
Take a last look round, Frank.
Yeah, I'm done.
A dishonourable discharge.
You can get cream for that.
Our friend, Carl.
You have to be very naughty to get one of those.
You'd think they'd check him out before hiring him for the security.
Mm.
Unless they were desperate.
And who'd want to work for Greg Alban? Which is probably why Max was hired.
I did some digging.
It turns out he was involved in a financial scandal in the City in the '90s.
No-one was formally charged.
Yeah, they never are.
Mm.
It looks like it was all pinned on him.
This was probably the only job Max could get.
And, finally, quite literally .
.
the last chapter of the last book.
Ooh! Or rather Frank's photographs of it.
PHONE RINGS Shakespeare and Hathaway Private Investigators.
Yes.
Yes? Of course.
See you shortly.
Speak of the devil - well, the disgraced ex-banker - Max wants to meet.
Why? The police have arrested someone for Greg's murder.
Carl?Don? Deirdre.
Oh.
Deirdre called me from custody.
The police found a stash of sleeping pills in the kitchen.
Yeah, she got a bit cagey with Sebastian when he was rummaging around in there.
She just used to put them in his food to help him sleep.
That's hardly enough for a murder charge, is it? But the brandy had enough sleeping draught in it to kill the Emperor's entire Elite Guard.
Oh, it's a lamentable thing.
Of course! That's what Makveli says.
Don mentioned Makveli.
Something to do with The Night Of A Thousand Sorrows and not honouring a debt.
Greg based Princess Idredi on Deirdre.
And you, Mr Max Moore, are Makveli.
They both say "it's a lamentable thing".
Are you implying I'm a disreputable financier? To be fair, the papers already did that.
So who does that make Don? I think it's Darius.
Who's Darius?Loyal servant and right-hand man of the Emperor.
Been with him from the very beginning.
PHONE RINGS Oh! Now that Greg's gone, I can use a phone.
Um, where are the buttons?? Hello.
Hello? Hello! Hi, yeah, Max Moore speaking.
You're executioners? Oh, executors, Sorry.
Are we going to find out to whom Greg has left his millions? I think I already have.
Can I be there when you tell him? Sorry, guys.
I can't let you in.
Forensics are still finishing up.
I live here, and these are my guests.
Yeah, even so.
/fon What are they doing here? Oh, I think you know why we've No.
Now please leave.
This is private property.
You know who owns this property now, Don? I think you know the answer to that, too.
Why are you so sure you know what I think? Cos we know how this story ends, Darius.
Come into the hall.
This is a copy of the final chapter.
But then you've already read that, haven't you? You think I stole the manuscript for money? No.
No, I think you stole it for recognition.
For all the editing and the improving and enhancing that you did.
I think you wanted the world to know just what a difference you'd made to Greg's writing.
And releasing this final unedited chapter to the internet would prove just how much editing you did.
You're a very talented writer.
Thank you.
But, no, no .
.
I was merely tidying up the words of a master storyteller.
Oh, I don't know.
It's mainly Shakespeare, and some old samurai legends.
And a few real characters.
Isn't that right, Darius? He's put us in the books.
I'm Makveli.
Princess Idredi is Deirdre, who's been arrested.
Deirdre? Why not Carl? Ah, yeah.
That's why you hired him.
Ex-soldier with a murky past who could take the blame.
You stole that manuscript, didn't you? And then you staged a burglary to throw the police off the scent.
If they ever got involved.
But Greg wouldn't like that because No, because Greg was a very private man.
There was a problem, wasn't there? Yesterday, you got round to reading the final chapter of the final book.
And you discovered that the Emperor leaves everything to his faithful servant, Darius.
The servant that he's shouted at and taken for granted all his life stood to get everything.
As in the books, so in life.
You knew Greg was going to leave you the house, the estate, royalties.
It's true.
The solicitors say you get every last penny.
But you can't inherit if it's murder.
If you admit it, you might get off with self-defence.
Tell us, is this what happened? Come on, do the decent thing.
I've always tried to do the decent thing.
That was the trouble.
When I read the manuscript .
.
and realised what it meant - that Greg was leaving me everything - I tried to do the decent thing.
I actually went to own up and apologise.
How could you betray me?! He'd rant and then calm down.
But he told me .
.
to pack my bags and leave.
Where would I go? I'd given that man everything.
I protested .
.
but he came at me.
Traitor! No, Greg, please! I tried to disarm him.
There was a struggle.
He stumbled .
.
and fell .
.
onto the sword.
I panicked.
I tried to create confusion.
I knew Deirdre had been tampering with his food.
So I put something in his drink .
.
to distract the police.
And then I told Carl .
.
that Greg had been murdered .
.
by Max.
What?! But it would be Carl who got the blame, because of his army record, so he'd better get a head start.
How could you do such a thing? I'd give anything to go back to how things were.
Anything.
I'm afraid I think that ship has sailed.
But you can do the right thing.
Frank, it's me again.
Where are you? We need to leave.
He was really disillusioned, having met Greg.
But you'd think he'd still want to go to his memorial service.
Well, yeah.
THUDDING He's gone the other way.
Prince Pergitran?! I thought we were all dressing up! Well, I was thinking of dressing as Jehanne, but Keeler insisted I wore uniform.
We have got to go.
I'm the only one doing cosplay.
I look ridiculous! I think it's what he would have wanted.
Ah-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Arrr!
ANSWERPHONE: Please leave a message after the tone.
Lu, it's me.
Again.
Why aren't you or Frank answering your phone? I know he might have lost his, or forgotten to charge it, thrown it at someone.
But not you.
Um, anyway, I am very, very worried.
Call me.
LINE RINGS PHONE: Emergency, which service? Hello.
I'd like to report a kidnapping.
They've run out of decaf? HE SNORES Oh, we could do with the caffeine, anyway.
Put an extra shot in Frank's.
OK.
Thanks, Sebastian.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
KNOCKING AT THE DOOR WHISPERS: Frank! Argh! Frank.
There's knocking at the door and it sounds like an unpaid debt.
KNOCKING CONTINUES I don't think so.
Subtle differences.
KNOCKING CONTINUES All right, I'm coming! Sorry to bother you, but are you Frank Hathaway? Who's asking? Me.
Well, my boss.
And who's your boss? Er I can't really say.
What's the case? Er I can't really say.
But you need to come with me.
Where to? Er, don't tell me - you can't really say.
Well, this has been enlightening.
You'd better come in.
Come on.
I'm not supposed to tell you this.
My boss is a very private man.
He's this author.
Greg Alban? Greg Alban? As in the world-famous science-fiction writer who wrote my favourite book ever? That's amazing, Frank.
I didn't know you'd read a book.
God! I've read the whole of the Equinox 9 series.
The last one's out this year.
Isn't it? Yeah there's been a problem.
But you can't say.
There's been a break-in.
But he doesn't want to involve the police.
Can you come? Now? I don't thinkEr, er You know the sound of that unpaid debt? If we don't take this case, you're going to hear it again - soon.
OK, fine.
We'll take the case.
Lead the way.
Oh, come on, Greg! Hiya.
Hello.
Hey, we're off to see a man called Greg Alb and if we're not back in a couple of hours, will you call the police? Ha-ha-ha? Er, no, not joking? Yeah.
Right.
Sorry, I'll need to take your phones.
What? Greg's a very private man.
He doesn't want you tracking the journey.
Famously reclusive.
It's legit.
I, mean, I am going to need It's not like he asked us to put a bag over our head or something, is it? Ha-ha-ha! Yeah.
I talked him out of that.
Thank you.
Wow! So he's sold a few books, then? What's the appeal? It's this dystopian, futuristic drama about warring families and power.
No, still don't get it.
I got them.
But I had to say who I worked for and a bit about the case.
I'm sure Greg will understand.
I'm Don, Greg's executive assistant.
Just to warn you, his bark's worse than his bite.
Ooh.
If that's more do-gooding charity freeloaders, tell them to get lost! His bark does sounds quite bad.
Oh, can I have my phone back, please? Sorry.
Boss doesn't do phones.
What? Why? If you'd read any of my books, you'd know that, one day, technology will betray you.
Yeah, like when Prince Haldameer's battle plans are given to Pergitran on that data coin.
Greg, these are the private detectives you requested.
Frank Hathaway.
Big fan.
Huge fan.
My fans are crazy.
Check my mail box.
Greg, could we be more polite to our guests? Unbidden guests.
Why was I not informed? Do they require tea? Yes, they do.
Thank you.
No time for tea! Quit yammering and get up here.
Dumb Brits and their obsession with tea.
Come along.
Ahem.
Wow, scary warrior statue - every home should have one.
Oh, Mr Alban, I have some accounts for you to authorise, if Bah! Not now, Max.
Oh.
Outsiders.
Guests, Max.
They're called guests.
WHISPERING: I don't think they get many visitors.
So, Mr Alban, you've had some sort of break-in? Who said that? Carl, get in here now! No, actually, I-I saw a broken window out the front when I came in.
I just put two and two together.
FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS Yes, boss? Nothing.
Get out.
Yes, boss.
There was a break-in.
Someone stole my final chapter from my final book.
When did this happen? Around 2am this morning.
I was at my desk, sleeping, when I heard a crash of glass.
It was from the bedroom, so I grabbed my sword .
.
and I went in there.
And if there had been an intruder, I was going to slice them in half! Follow me.
So I come in, find someone's smashed the window, taken the manuscript and left a note.
Right, so we're looking for a manuscript - presumably about 20 pages, or? Oh, don't ask me.
I've not been allowed to read this final chapter.
It's way beyond my pay grade.
12 pages.
With "Earth And Dust" on the top.
I wrote it years ago, when I wrote my first book.
It's where the whole Equinox 9 series is heading, and if it's found on the internet Gah! Spoilers, lost sales.
Hence the ransom note.
Right.
Ahem.
So, bank number, which presumably is some kind of untraceable offshore account.
"You have 48 hours for the safe return of the manuscript" £5 million? Oh, no, so this is for the police.
You think I want the cops crawling around with their squawking radios and smartphones? Greg is a very private man.
This is why we hired you.
One of you, I believe, is an ex-police detective? ErYeah, that's me.
Ex Oh! Ex-copper and PI.
Two for the price of one.
Um, ahem.
Speaking of price, er, our fee, it's, um Find the manuscript and you get 1% of five mil.
50K? 50K! Well, we can work with that.
If it ends up online and you haven't found it, you don't get a dime.
Well, shouldn't be too hard, then, cos it's almost certainly still in this house.
What? No-one actually broke in.
See, it rained last night.
And with the garden below, there'd be footmarks.
I don't see any.
The fans know about the final chapter, but they don't know where it was kept, or which window was the closest.
Thieves aren't that lucky.
I think it's an inside job.
Someone in my house .
.
STOLE FROM ME?! Lock the doors! No-one gets in, no-one goes out till the thief is exposed and .
.
spit-roasted! OK, Greg.
Calm.
Rest.
Give us a minute, will you? Yes.
Yep, yeah.
Hello, Lu, it's Sebastian.
Just checking you're OK.
You're not answering your phone, which is making me extremely worried, although I did drink all three coffees Cappuccino? .
.
which I realise was a mistake.
This Greg Alban - the only one I can find is some sci-fi author who writes books that attract rather a lot of tragic fanboys.
Call me back.
Please.
LINE RINGS DS Keeler.
They've gone missing.
They got into a posh car with a tall man and now I just don't know where they are.
Wait, who is this? How did you get my number?It's Sebastian.
PHONE VOICE: Shakespeare and Hathaway, Private Investigators.
They're not answering their phones.
Frank has got a smartphone - it's probably too smart for him.
That is not fair, really.
Anyway, Lu is very tech-savvy and she always ans Listen, I investigate murders.
Hang up and call missing persons.
And then you'll investigate? Yes.
Wonderful.
If they've been murdered.
What? Oh.
Search the desk.
You do it! I can't.
There might be spoilers.
Spoilers are the last thing you need to be scared of.
What you should be worried about is is sword-wielding psychos.
Let's just go! Ah! He's resting, poor man.
My colleague is quite concerned about Mr Alban's potentially violent behaviour.
Yeah, look, I'm not usually one to go big on health and safety - it's just that your boss does seem to enjoy shouting and waving his weapon about.
He does.
I knew this was a bad idea.
I'll get Carl to drop you back and we'll forget the whole thing.
Hang on.
No.
What will you do without us? I don't know.
Pay the ransom, probably.
Greg can afford it.
What, £5 million, just like that? Oh, he'll make three times that when the book's published and then the problem disappears.
Well, you obviously know Greg better than I.
Oh, "better than me".
Not "better than I".
The indirect object? Didn't they teach you grammar at school? No.
Er, but the point I was trying to make is that Greg doesn't seem like the type to pay a ransom.
Hm.
That's a good point.
We shall see.
Carl, can you get the car ready? Our guests aren't staying.
QUIETLY: Yes, we are.
We've got to take the case.
Look, Frank, I know you're a fan.
It's not just that.
50 grand to find a manuscript in this house? Huh? Come on, admit it.
You're curious.
OK, I am a bit.
All right, we'll do it.
But only if I don't have to be in a room with Greg.
We'll take the case.
I was a lowly writer's assistant in Hollywood, working on a low-budget science-fiction TV show.
When Greg moved on to write his first Equinox 9 book, I went with him.
So where were you at two o'clock last night? Working.
As usual.
Trying to hit publishing deadlines for the final book.
When I heard the scream, I came running - as did Carl and Deirdre.
Oh, is that the housekeeper? And cook.
Then came Max, our accountant.
He didn't arrive quite so fast.
So do you suspect him? No.
You're the one who thinks it's an inside job.
Greg mentioned fan mail.
Could we have a look at some? I wouldn't recommend it, but, yes.
And then I can introduce you to the wonderful world of Mad Max Moore along the way.
Ooh! CHURCH BELLS RING Viola? I know it's your day off and you need time away from work to relax and ring incredibly loud bells, but I'm really worried about Frank and Lu and Er Oh.
Wait.
I'll wait till you've finished.
So you're managing, er, Greg's millions without a computer? I had to have a spreadsheet just to run a hair salon.
Ha! On the City of London trading floors, there was no time to write anything down.
You learn to keep it all up here.
Right.
You have to keep records.
And this system has its strengths.
It can't be manipulated.
What, like the stock market? Quite so.
Or hacked, like Prince Pergitran's Eagle 3.
Prince Pergi-what what? Book two, The Twain Divide.
The emperor's got this brand-new fleet, right? And it's knocked out by this cyberbug.
All except Eagle 3, huh? Which runs purely on old-school tech.
Oh, I love that bit.
Yeah.
So, um, at the time of the break-in, where were you? We're pretty sure it's an inside job.
Oh.
This is a lamentable thing.
Are you sure? Greg has so many enemies.
What about the death threat? Death threat? Don didn't mention that.
That's why he hired Carl.
But you'd have to ask him about that.
And at the time of the break-in you were? I'd love to be able to say that I was burning the midnight oil .
.
but I was .
.
asleep in my room.
In the attic.
GREG: Max! MAX! Get in here! Oh, I-I really have to go.
Wow.
We should run some background checks on these people.
I'm going to give Sebastian a call and I can't! We're not allowed our phones.
This is madness.
Right, I'm going to find them.
Another cushy afternoon for Sebastian.
BELLS STOP RINGING Hi.
AH!Did you get my message? No! Are you coming to join the bell-ringing team? Oh, we'll have you working off the peal boards in no time.
Sorry, that sounds fascinating, but I need your help.
Frank and Lu have gone missing, I reported it, but nothing's happening.
What's happened? They got into a posh car with a man who looked like a member of the mafia.
Do they operate in Stratford-upon-Avon? How many coffees have you had? This was my fourth.
It probably hasn't helped.
OK, right.
Let's just establish the facts.
Did they say where they was going? To see someone called Greg Alban.
Greg Alban?Yes.
Seriously?Yes.
You see, the thing is, Carl, I can't do my job, or literally anything without my phone.
No phones.
Boss's orders.
OK, could I make a call outside? In theory.
What does "in theory" mean? I can't let you go outside.
No-one comes in, no-one goes out.
Boss's orders.
What?We don't We Oh! QUIETLY: We don't need our phones.
We can crack this case using only our wits.
So you were hired because of a death threat.
Could we see it? Greg burned it with a load of hate mail and begging letters.
Why didn't he just take it to the police? Oh, I can answer that.
Because Greg is a very private man.
Yeah.
All's I know is I was hired to look after this place.
And at the time of the apparent break-in, you were, what - sleeping? You think break-ins only happen during office hours, do you? Oh, give him a break, Frank.
He's got to sleep some point, hasn't he? He's not a vampire.
QUIETLY: Unlike some of the people in this house.
Look, I know Mr Alban comes across as, you know Psychotic? Yeah.
No.
He's not like that - not when you get to know him.
Get out! Get out, you snivelling, low-life worm! There's no way in hell I'm paying 5 mil to some Judas or Jezebel that betrayed me! You were saying? Well, he's been good to me.
He's given me an honest job.
Oh, did you used to have a dishonest one? No.
Stop trying to trap me.
I was in the army.
But when I left, I didn't have anywhere to go.
And now you live in a millionaire's house.
Must be tempting, eh, not to grab one of those valuables and run? Or wait for the big one - five mil? Ha! Well, if you did, it didn't work.
Mr Alban's not paying.
GONG SOUNDS Ah! What is that? That is a Japanese gong.
Greg's books draw on oriental honour systems.
And that sound - that sound has social, almost spiritual, connotations.
Er, no.
That gong just means it's tea time.
There might be cake.
No, I'm staying to find my phone.
But I will have cake if there's cake.
All the fan sites say Greg Alban lives around here.
OK, I'm a fan.
He's a recluse, but he has been sighted out a few times.
Ooh, where's that? Maybe we can work out where he lives from pictures like this.
Well, it's worth a go.
But it'll take you a while.
Let's get back to the office.
We can get more coffee on the way! Er, no, I think you've had enough.
Oh.
Our unbidden guests are still here.
Will you need beds for the night? We might, actually, yeah.
Although we haven't packed anything.
I can lend your colleague a nightie.
And some soap.
You can borrow a pair of Greg's pyjamas.
Don't tell him, though.
I'll have this in the hall.
I need to keep watch.
I see your lean and hungry look.
This is for Greg.
It's made of mushrooms? I don't imagine him being into this sort of stuff.
I have to make sure he gets a lot more Vitamin D - to make up for the lack of sunlight.
Less sugar and he'll sleep better.
He's normally up working till 5am.
5am? But he was asleep at two o'clock this morning, at the time of the so-called break-in.
Exhaustion, probably.
I have to get this to him before he turns into an angry hive of bees.
GREG: Deirdre! Where is my dinner? Too late.
Sounds like a hornet's nest.
Hm! I can't find our phones.
You should have distracted Carl for longer.
Sorry.
Got some cake for you.
Oh! Well, all is forgiven.
Hm.
What are you doing? Following a hunch.
There's something about Deirdre that's really bugging me.
Ooh, yeah, me, too.
She's really ghoulish, isn't she? Whoa, hello.
She can bake, though.
So moist.
No, I was thinking about some of the things she says.
Oh, yeah like us being "unbidden" guests.
I've heard that before.
And she just used the phrase "angry hive of bees".
Yes, sounds like Shakespeare.
We should ring Sebastian.
Oh, that's right, we can't.
Look the whole of the Equinox 9 series is based on Henry VI Part 1, 2 and 3.
And one of the characters in those books talks exactly like Deirdre.
Book five.
"If the Emperor learns of this by other means, "he'll be an angry hive of bees," said Princess Idredi.
Oh! Hang on a minute.
Are there actually bees in space? "Idredi"? That's practically an anagram for Deirdre.
You see, Princess Idredi is underhand and sneaky - just like Deirdre.
Is she?Yeah, she's been pulling a fast one with Greg's dinners.
And getting away with it.
If she wasn't, we'd have heard crockery smashing, wouldn't we? Yeah.
Ha.
CLOCK CHIMES Ho-ho! Frank, what are you doing? We haven't got time to sit about reading books.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Yeah.
We've got to find that manuscript.
And I've got a hunch that I want to follow, as well.
Oh? Well, I'm just I'm just going to eat the cake first.
TYPEWRITER KEYS CLACK Hello! Only me.
Ah, do come in.
Oh, you have.
I have, yes.
We were talking earlier about fan mail.
I wonder, is this it? Indeed.
Yeah? Oh.
Any more death threats? Ah, you heard about that.
Yeah, well, Max mentioned it.
I was surprised it hadn't come up sooner.
Your colleague had already decided this is an inside job.
Wow.
You have got some very angry and articulate readers.
They do get upset, especially when you kill off a favourite character.
Yeah, or characters? As in The Night Of A Thousand Sorrows.
Ah, the imperial army doesn't arrive, because Makveli refuses to honour his debt.
Don't you just hate it when that happens? You're clearly a fan of classic literature and yet you're stuck here typing up pages and pages of science fiction.
I do a little more than merely "typing up".
I'm editing, enhancing.
tidying the odd turn of phrase here and there.
Not that Greg's prose needs much improvement.
Wow, all that hard work and yet he still won't let you read the last 12 pages.
That must hurt.
Don! Get in here now.
That's my cue.
If you'll excuse me.
Have you ever thought about getting an intercom? Feel free to browse the fan mail if it'll make you feel better.
Some of it will make you feel sick.
Oh.
Technically, I'm a civilian and we're trespassing.
The gate's open.
It's not breaking and entering.
We're fine.
I'll check if the coast's clear.
Now, it's only a BK-7 prism lens, but it does the job.
Right.
Sure.
Can't get in that way.
How do the windows look through your beaky-peaky? BK7.
BK7.
It's locked.
That would be breaking and entering.
But there's often a legal way in.
I think I might have found a way in.
Huh.
It might be a trap.
I'll check.
I got us into this.
What are you doing? Well, where would you hide a 12-page document? Oh! In a room full of documents.
Oh, that's very smart.
Yeah, well, I'll help you look for it, then.
There was nothing in the fan mail.
I thought you said we didn't have time to sit around reading the books? Yeah, well, I just thought I ought to check up on the source material.
It's, um It's actually really great writing.
I can see why you're such a fan.
Not any more.
Yeah, no, well, never meet your heroes - that's what they say, isn't it? Especially when they turn out to be a paranoid recluse that's partial to waving a sword around.
How could you betray me?! Greg, no, please! Stop! You see, normally, a noise like that, we'd be running, wouldn't we? It's par for the course in this house.
Look, we find out who stole it, we'll know where to look.
Hm.
Well, the thing is, it could have been any one of them, couldn't it eh? Max.
Or? Don.
Or? Carl.
Or? Deirdre.
Hm.
Every one of them had the same five million reasons to do this.
What about Carl? He clammed up, didn't he? He's got a past.
Could have been Max.
No! He could cook the books up and steal five million without a ransom note.
What if this is not about money? It could be about revenge.
Don seemed really resentful about not being trusted with that final chapter.
Deirdre - she might have just got fed up of being yelled at all the time.
LOUD CREAKING Is that the front door? Lu! THEY SHRIEK Ah! You're OK! Oh, wow, I was until then.
Oh, I have been SO worried about you.
You wouldn't pick up any of my calls.
Well, they took our phones away from us.
Can you believe it? This place is a mad house.
How did you find us? Viola helped me.
Are you impressed? Very.
Yeah.
But you needn't have worried.
We're fine.
Everyone's fine.
WOMAN SCREAMS That didn't sound fine.
No, and it didn't sound like the usual screams you get around here, either.
Oh, ya! Everything all right? I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to scream.
You're allowed to scream.
He's dead.
Who's dead? Who are you? How did you get in? Er, the front door was open.
Phones aren't allowed.
Hello? I'd like to report a murder.
Murder? Yeah, Frank, I'm so sorry.
Greg! No! No, no, no! Who did this? I don't know.
I came in to take away the brandy glass and found him like this.
Deirdre, don't touch anything.
This is a crime scene.
Right, everybody calm down.
The police are on their way.
Sebastian, can you take everybody downstairs? I'll clear the area.
Frank! Frank, it's the manuscript! You mustn't touch anything.
No, but we've been hired to find a manuscript - 12 pages with "Earth and Dust" at the top.
This is it.
OK, well, it is about to become evidence.
OK, but could we take a photo? Oh, Lu, please! Not now.
It's just .
.
he's dead.
Er, we found Greg in his office.
Sorry.
Oh, you mean he's? Oh, no.
How? Run through with his samurai sword.
Here we go.
Have you been rummaging around in my nice, clean kitchen? I Only to make tea.
Sorry, I DOOR OPENS AND CREAKS Oh, hello.
I found the missing persons - no thanks to you.
Oh, no, if you're here, that means The other one better not be messing up my crime scene.
No, no, PC Deacon has been doing an excellent job of guarding the crime scene.
So what's going on, then? The deceased is Greg Alban, a science-fiction author - very successful.
I probably could have figured that out.
He hired us to find the final chapter of his forthcoming novel.
It's been stolen.
And there was a ransom note demanding £5 million for its safe return.
And they never called the police? No.
Because Greg is a very private man.
Which is why they hired Carl, so In fact, has anyone seen Carl? Who is Carl? The security guard.
A security guard who left the front door wide open.
Um, it was open when we arrived, we entered and heard Deirdre scream.
You don't think it could have been Carl who? Seems likely.
Alert all units for a Carl.
A Carl WITH WELSH ACCENT: Thompson.
Tall, male, well-built, possibly dangerous.
Approach with caution.
I'm going to look at the crime scene.
PC Morgan - statements from everyone.
PC Deacon? Cup of tea would be nice.
Found your phone.
Your phone.
Wow, you are hooked, aren't you? Thanks.
Sorry, I I'm surprised it was still there.
Good point.
Couple of phones could be some fast cash for a man on the run.
Hm.
I wonder why he left the army.
You could look it up.
Or you could.
HE SIGHS Sorry, it's just I'm at the bit where Pergitran's in the cave with Haldameer.
Haldameer! Ha! That's a great, that bit.
Right, I have given my statement, and Keeler has said we can go.
Or words to that effect.
He used other words.
Can you look up Carl's army record for me? I can try.
It might be easier back at the office.
OK.
Let's go.
Do you know what the shame is, though? I never got a chance to wear Greg's pyjamas.
HE SIGHS Er Oh.
It's not evidence, is it? We found the manuscript, but it's now evidence.
Oh, yeah, did you get pictures? Yeah, I took some before it was bagged up.
It's quite all right.
You will be paid as agreed.
Oh, this is a lamentable thing.
What's that? Do you think someone put something in his drink? Deirdre was a bit prickly about me making tea in her kitchen.
Wait.
Let's look at the timeline here.
What time was the scream? This is now a police matter, so will you kindly make your wild speculations elsewhere? Yes, sorry.
This must be really difficult time for you.
Take a last look round, Frank.
Yeah, I'm done.
A dishonourable discharge.
You can get cream for that.
Our friend, Carl.
You have to be very naughty to get one of those.
You'd think they'd check him out before hiring him for the security.
Mm.
Unless they were desperate.
And who'd want to work for Greg Alban? Which is probably why Max was hired.
I did some digging.
It turns out he was involved in a financial scandal in the City in the '90s.
No-one was formally charged.
Yeah, they never are.
Mm.
It looks like it was all pinned on him.
This was probably the only job Max could get.
And, finally, quite literally .
.
the last chapter of the last book.
Ooh! Or rather Frank's photographs of it.
PHONE RINGS Shakespeare and Hathaway Private Investigators.
Yes.
Yes? Of course.
See you shortly.
Speak of the devil - well, the disgraced ex-banker - Max wants to meet.
Why? The police have arrested someone for Greg's murder.
Carl?Don? Deirdre.
Oh.
Deirdre called me from custody.
The police found a stash of sleeping pills in the kitchen.
Yeah, she got a bit cagey with Sebastian when he was rummaging around in there.
She just used to put them in his food to help him sleep.
That's hardly enough for a murder charge, is it? But the brandy had enough sleeping draught in it to kill the Emperor's entire Elite Guard.
Oh, it's a lamentable thing.
Of course! That's what Makveli says.
Don mentioned Makveli.
Something to do with The Night Of A Thousand Sorrows and not honouring a debt.
Greg based Princess Idredi on Deirdre.
And you, Mr Max Moore, are Makveli.
They both say "it's a lamentable thing".
Are you implying I'm a disreputable financier? To be fair, the papers already did that.
So who does that make Don? I think it's Darius.
Who's Darius?Loyal servant and right-hand man of the Emperor.
Been with him from the very beginning.
PHONE RINGS Oh! Now that Greg's gone, I can use a phone.
Um, where are the buttons?? Hello.
Hello? Hello! Hi, yeah, Max Moore speaking.
You're executioners? Oh, executors, Sorry.
Are we going to find out to whom Greg has left his millions? I think I already have.
Can I be there when you tell him? Sorry, guys.
I can't let you in.
Forensics are still finishing up.
I live here, and these are my guests.
Yeah, even so.
/fon What are they doing here? Oh, I think you know why we've No.
Now please leave.
This is private property.
You know who owns this property now, Don? I think you know the answer to that, too.
Why are you so sure you know what I think? Cos we know how this story ends, Darius.
Come into the hall.
This is a copy of the final chapter.
But then you've already read that, haven't you? You think I stole the manuscript for money? No.
No, I think you stole it for recognition.
For all the editing and the improving and enhancing that you did.
I think you wanted the world to know just what a difference you'd made to Greg's writing.
And releasing this final unedited chapter to the internet would prove just how much editing you did.
You're a very talented writer.
Thank you.
But, no, no .
.
I was merely tidying up the words of a master storyteller.
Oh, I don't know.
It's mainly Shakespeare, and some old samurai legends.
And a few real characters.
Isn't that right, Darius? He's put us in the books.
I'm Makveli.
Princess Idredi is Deirdre, who's been arrested.
Deirdre? Why not Carl? Ah, yeah.
That's why you hired him.
Ex-soldier with a murky past who could take the blame.
You stole that manuscript, didn't you? And then you staged a burglary to throw the police off the scent.
If they ever got involved.
But Greg wouldn't like that because No, because Greg was a very private man.
There was a problem, wasn't there? Yesterday, you got round to reading the final chapter of the final book.
And you discovered that the Emperor leaves everything to his faithful servant, Darius.
The servant that he's shouted at and taken for granted all his life stood to get everything.
As in the books, so in life.
You knew Greg was going to leave you the house, the estate, royalties.
It's true.
The solicitors say you get every last penny.
But you can't inherit if it's murder.
If you admit it, you might get off with self-defence.
Tell us, is this what happened? Come on, do the decent thing.
I've always tried to do the decent thing.
That was the trouble.
When I read the manuscript .
.
and realised what it meant - that Greg was leaving me everything - I tried to do the decent thing.
I actually went to own up and apologise.
How could you betray me?! He'd rant and then calm down.
But he told me .
.
to pack my bags and leave.
Where would I go? I'd given that man everything.
I protested .
.
but he came at me.
Traitor! No, Greg, please! I tried to disarm him.
There was a struggle.
He stumbled .
.
and fell .
.
onto the sword.
I panicked.
I tried to create confusion.
I knew Deirdre had been tampering with his food.
So I put something in his drink .
.
to distract the police.
And then I told Carl .
.
that Greg had been murdered .
.
by Max.
What?! But it would be Carl who got the blame, because of his army record, so he'd better get a head start.
How could you do such a thing? I'd give anything to go back to how things were.
Anything.
I'm afraid I think that ship has sailed.
But you can do the right thing.
Frank, it's me again.
Where are you? We need to leave.
He was really disillusioned, having met Greg.
But you'd think he'd still want to go to his memorial service.
Well, yeah.
THUDDING He's gone the other way.
Prince Pergitran?! I thought we were all dressing up! Well, I was thinking of dressing as Jehanne, but Keeler insisted I wore uniform.
We have got to go.
I'm the only one doing cosplay.
I look ridiculous! I think it's what he would have wanted.
Ah-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Arrr!