Star vs. the Forces of Evil (2015) s04e06 Episode Script
The Ponyhead Show; Surviving the Spider Bites
1 It's gonna get a little weird Gonna get a little wild I ain't from around here I'm from another dimension Gonna get a little weird Gonna have a good time I ain't from around here I'm from another Whoo-hoo Yeah I'm talking rainbows I'm talking puppies Puh-puh-puh-puh-puh puh-puh-puuuh Oh, it's gonna get a little weird Gonna get a little wild I ain't from around here I'm from another dimension - [video game music plays.]
- Okay.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Oh okay.
Come on, come on.
Come on.
Ugh! You [announcer.]
Attention, Mewmans.
It's The Ponyhead Show! - That's me.
- What the? No! [cries.]
[announcer.]
And now your host.
It's - Ponyhead! - [audience cheers.]
Oh, my goodness.
Stop it, stop it.
You guys are too kind.
[recording of applause.]
I'd like to welcome you all to the very first ever Ponyhead Show, starring me, Ponyhead.
And if y'all would shut up, I'm going to tell you some jokes.
Clown nose.
[man speaking Korean.]
[rimshot.]
[squawks.]
[recording of laughter.]
Okay, well, this probably seems kind of weird, but Ponyhead totally knows what she's doing.
And I'm I'm so excited she's going to put you on her show.
It's been a while since I've performed in front of an audience, but if you think it's a good idea Oh, it's a good idea.
Look, Seahorse even set it up so that everyone can watch.
And we can gage how much the audience likes it.
[buzzer sounds.]
And you're sure this'll get the public on my side? Oh, I know it will.
If there's one thing Ponyhead knows, it's popularity.
And now staring contest.
[buzzer sounds.]
You have been a great audience, but let's face it, I've been an even greater host.
[laughs.]
We'll be right back, so don't get lonely.
But first, a message from our sponsors.
The Ponyhead Show is brought to you by the new Reflectacorp Mirror Deluxe.
To access your new mirror, you just need to give a sample of your DNA.
Hold up right now.
[both whinny.]
What the heck is that? Ponyhead, we talked about this.
Eclipsa's going to perform.
What? No.
I did not say anything about having her perform.
She's just supposed to be on the show, like, you know, like, just, like, sit there and, like, just, like, be good.
Oh, don't worry, Ponyhead.
I've been practicing, and I really think your audience is going to enjoy it.
Really? Do you think that right now? Because here's what's tipping me off: your guitar is made out of dead people, okay? So that doesn't feel normal for me, and it's not on brand with my show.
It looks cool.
Well, it looks like a pile of bones.
We need get rid of that old thing.
[both.]
We can take it off your hands.
You guys remember my sisters, Shonda and Shinda.
We're musicians too.
We'll take good care of it.
Bye, Eclipsa.
Don't worry, girl, I know what I'm talking about.
[announcer.]
And now, welcome back to The Ponyhead Show.
Oh, I'm on.
- [shrieks.]
- Welcome back! We have a great show for you tonight.
Do you like cooking? Do you also like Earth? Because later in the show, we have Cooking with Earth Turd.
But first, you guys are so lucky, because we have a very special celebrity guest.
Oh, my gosh, I am so excited to speak with her.
It's me! I'm the celebrity guest.
[both groan.]
Why are we doing all this prep? Aren't cooking shows fake? Yeah no, no, no, cooking shows are real.
Uh, wrestling is fake.
Can you pass me the salt? Wait, what did you just say? I said can you pass the salt? No, before that.
Uh, I said that wrestling is fake.
Kelly? Are you okay? I have cramps.
- Kelly? - Aw, man, Ponyhead sure is taking forever.
[snoring.]
[Jan-Jan.]
You ready for makeup, Eclipsa? Oh, I didn't know I'm getting my makeup done.
It's nothing fancy.
It's just a touch-up before you go on.
Righty-ho.
[Ponyhead.]
When you tell your daughter that she is beautiful you're saying to her, "Who you are Is how you look.
" You are saying to her, the person you are on the inside, the person who is good at roller skates, the person whose beautiful singing voice fills the halls of this home, the person whose unparalleled drawing and painting abilities is less important than the person you appear to be.
Uh, Kelly? [sighs.]
I'm so sorry I Marco, why are you talking to my dressing room? Oh, I I thought you were in there.
I don't anyway, I I just want to say I'm sorry.
I I didn't know you didn't know about wrestling.
Oh, no, it's fine.
I'm over it.
Oh.
Really? Because it seems like you were upset.
No, no, I mean, you did ruin wrestling for me, that's true.
But I just walked around and dealt with it.
Let's go make some sandwiches.
It's not like you've never ruined anything before.
[Marco.]
What? And, finally, it's time for a very special segment that I know you've all been waiting for.
It's self-defense your mama never taught you.
[grunts.]
Ugh! Ponyhead! Seahorse, go to commercial.
[grunting.]
See that? It's all in the neck.
[panting.]
Whoa! What? What are you doing? We're on live television.
What am I doing? What are you doing? Uh, I think I'm owning it.
Owning it? You are renting it at best.
And, really, you're just making people mad.
They don't like this, Pony.
And it is getting worse.
You asked me to make Eclipsa popular.
I'm going to make her popular.
Then why don't you put her on.
I can't put her on if she's not even here.
Oh, excuses wait, where is she? I don't know, but she's missing out.
[laughter.]
Oh, no.
It's all about the 'tude, 'clipsa.
You got to be mean.
Yeah, you don't want to be understood.
You want to be feared.
[can rattles.]
Where's Eclipsa? What have you done with her? How do I look? Oh, that is more than just a touch-up.
- [indistinct shouting.]
- [voice.]
I want my compact back.
[all yelling.]
Turn this garbage off! What is wrong with these people? If they don't like the show they could just turn it off.
Actually, they can't do that.
What? Why? Oh, I hacked their compacts.
It's impossible for them to turn it off.
What? Why would you do that? I'm so glad you asked.
You can do anything with Reflectacorp mobile technology.
Ugh! Hey, Eclipsa, I am so sorry.
This is a train wreck.
Ponyhead is crazy.
Why do I always forget that? I think you should just back out of the show.
No, no, it's okay.
I want to go through with it.
In for a penny, in for a pound.
But this is a PR disaster.
How is that any different than the rest of my life? At least I get the chance to formally introduce myself to my people.
You know what? You're right.
Okay, Eclipsa, let's make them love you.
But first thing's first.
This outfit.
No, no, I'm definitely changing out of it.
Oh, okay, good.
Then we'll make them love you.
So I asked him to buy me a $60,000 necklace, obviously, and he was like, "You don't even have shoulders, how are you going to wear a necklace?" And I as all, "What? Have you ever seen a necklace? "It's not a jacket, it's for a neck.
And guess what? I have one, dummy.
" And then I dumped him.
How many times you going to? [muffled shouting.]
[Eclipsa.]
Uh, hi.
I'm Eclipsa.
Queen.
Um and I'm going to play a song here.
I wrote it.
Imagine waking up To a world turned upside down - [all shouting.]
- [Eclipsa singing.]
[crowd quiets.]
And suddenly you have the crown Here I am This is me Brokenhearted but finally free Never quite fit the mold Just not great at doing what I'm told Now I'm here In your world So much bigger from my point of view Centuries from my home Can't go back So let's start something new Here I am This is me Openhearted I proudly decree Now as queen I am yours Let's make magic and reach for the stars Let's make magic And reach for the stars Wow.
Ugh! Whoa, hold up.
You guys like that? [crowd shouting angrily.]
- [man.]
Give us back our compact! - [woman 1.]
Just give me a break! [buzzing.]
[woman 2.]
Can you please give me back my phone! Aah! You could have just pulled the plug.
We should have pulled the plug a long time ago.
It's over? I never got to show off my dad's recipe for tortas ahogadas.
You should come make it at my house sometime.
Sure.
Uh, Eclipsa, that was an awesome song.
I'm sorry nobody else liked it.
[sighs.]
I'm sorry I dragged you into this.
But don't worry, we'll find a way to get the people of Mewni to love you.
Oh, don't be so hasty.
Every single one of my boyfriends hated me before they loved me.
I don't have any regrets.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than liked for who I pretend to be.
Wait, don't you want to be fake and hated? [indistinct chatter.]
[humming Eclipsa's song.]
- Okay.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Oh okay.
Come on, come on.
Come on.
Ugh! You [announcer.]
Attention, Mewmans.
It's The Ponyhead Show! - That's me.
- What the? No! [cries.]
[announcer.]
And now your host.
It's - Ponyhead! - [audience cheers.]
Oh, my goodness.
Stop it, stop it.
You guys are too kind.
[recording of applause.]
I'd like to welcome you all to the very first ever Ponyhead Show, starring me, Ponyhead.
And if y'all would shut up, I'm going to tell you some jokes.
Clown nose.
[man speaking Korean.]
[rimshot.]
[squawks.]
[recording of laughter.]
Okay, well, this probably seems kind of weird, but Ponyhead totally knows what she's doing.
And I'm I'm so excited she's going to put you on her show.
It's been a while since I've performed in front of an audience, but if you think it's a good idea Oh, it's a good idea.
Look, Seahorse even set it up so that everyone can watch.
And we can gage how much the audience likes it.
[buzzer sounds.]
And you're sure this'll get the public on my side? Oh, I know it will.
If there's one thing Ponyhead knows, it's popularity.
And now staring contest.
[buzzer sounds.]
You have been a great audience, but let's face it, I've been an even greater host.
[laughs.]
We'll be right back, so don't get lonely.
But first, a message from our sponsors.
The Ponyhead Show is brought to you by the new Reflectacorp Mirror Deluxe.
To access your new mirror, you just need to give a sample of your DNA.
Hold up right now.
[both whinny.]
What the heck is that? Ponyhead, we talked about this.
Eclipsa's going to perform.
What? No.
I did not say anything about having her perform.
She's just supposed to be on the show, like, you know, like, just, like, sit there and, like, just, like, be good.
Oh, don't worry, Ponyhead.
I've been practicing, and I really think your audience is going to enjoy it.
Really? Do you think that right now? Because here's what's tipping me off: your guitar is made out of dead people, okay? So that doesn't feel normal for me, and it's not on brand with my show.
It looks cool.
Well, it looks like a pile of bones.
We need get rid of that old thing.
[both.]
We can take it off your hands.
You guys remember my sisters, Shonda and Shinda.
We're musicians too.
We'll take good care of it.
Bye, Eclipsa.
Don't worry, girl, I know what I'm talking about.
[announcer.]
And now, welcome back to The Ponyhead Show.
Oh, I'm on.
- [shrieks.]
- Welcome back! We have a great show for you tonight.
Do you like cooking? Do you also like Earth? Because later in the show, we have Cooking with Earth Turd.
But first, you guys are so lucky, because we have a very special celebrity guest.
Oh, my gosh, I am so excited to speak with her.
It's me! I'm the celebrity guest.
[both groan.]
Why are we doing all this prep? Aren't cooking shows fake? Yeah no, no, no, cooking shows are real.
Uh, wrestling is fake.
Can you pass me the salt? Wait, what did you just say? I said can you pass the salt? No, before that.
Uh, I said that wrestling is fake.
Kelly? Are you okay? I have cramps.
- Kelly? - Aw, man, Ponyhead sure is taking forever.
[snoring.]
[Jan-Jan.]
You ready for makeup, Eclipsa? Oh, I didn't know I'm getting my makeup done.
It's nothing fancy.
It's just a touch-up before you go on.
Righty-ho.
[Ponyhead.]
When you tell your daughter that she is beautiful you're saying to her, "Who you are Is how you look.
" You are saying to her, the person you are on the inside, the person who is good at roller skates, the person whose beautiful singing voice fills the halls of this home, the person whose unparalleled drawing and painting abilities is less important than the person you appear to be.
Uh, Kelly? [sighs.]
I'm so sorry I Marco, why are you talking to my dressing room? Oh, I I thought you were in there.
I don't anyway, I I just want to say I'm sorry.
I I didn't know you didn't know about wrestling.
Oh, no, it's fine.
I'm over it.
Oh.
Really? Because it seems like you were upset.
No, no, I mean, you did ruin wrestling for me, that's true.
But I just walked around and dealt with it.
Let's go make some sandwiches.
It's not like you've never ruined anything before.
[Marco.]
What? And, finally, it's time for a very special segment that I know you've all been waiting for.
It's self-defense your mama never taught you.
[grunts.]
Ugh! Ponyhead! Seahorse, go to commercial.
[grunting.]
See that? It's all in the neck.
[panting.]
Whoa! What? What are you doing? We're on live television.
What am I doing? What are you doing? Uh, I think I'm owning it.
Owning it? You are renting it at best.
And, really, you're just making people mad.
They don't like this, Pony.
And it is getting worse.
You asked me to make Eclipsa popular.
I'm going to make her popular.
Then why don't you put her on.
I can't put her on if she's not even here.
Oh, excuses wait, where is she? I don't know, but she's missing out.
[laughter.]
Oh, no.
It's all about the 'tude, 'clipsa.
You got to be mean.
Yeah, you don't want to be understood.
You want to be feared.
[can rattles.]
Where's Eclipsa? What have you done with her? How do I look? Oh, that is more than just a touch-up.
- [indistinct shouting.]
- [voice.]
I want my compact back.
[all yelling.]
Turn this garbage off! What is wrong with these people? If they don't like the show they could just turn it off.
Actually, they can't do that.
What? Why? Oh, I hacked their compacts.
It's impossible for them to turn it off.
What? Why would you do that? I'm so glad you asked.
You can do anything with Reflectacorp mobile technology.
Ugh! Hey, Eclipsa, I am so sorry.
This is a train wreck.
Ponyhead is crazy.
Why do I always forget that? I think you should just back out of the show.
No, no, it's okay.
I want to go through with it.
In for a penny, in for a pound.
But this is a PR disaster.
How is that any different than the rest of my life? At least I get the chance to formally introduce myself to my people.
You know what? You're right.
Okay, Eclipsa, let's make them love you.
But first thing's first.
This outfit.
No, no, I'm definitely changing out of it.
Oh, okay, good.
Then we'll make them love you.
So I asked him to buy me a $60,000 necklace, obviously, and he was like, "You don't even have shoulders, how are you going to wear a necklace?" And I as all, "What? Have you ever seen a necklace? "It's not a jacket, it's for a neck.
And guess what? I have one, dummy.
" And then I dumped him.
How many times you going to? [muffled shouting.]
[Eclipsa.]
Uh, hi.
I'm Eclipsa.
Queen.
Um and I'm going to play a song here.
I wrote it.
Imagine waking up To a world turned upside down - [all shouting.]
- [Eclipsa singing.]
[crowd quiets.]
And suddenly you have the crown Here I am This is me Brokenhearted but finally free Never quite fit the mold Just not great at doing what I'm told Now I'm here In your world So much bigger from my point of view Centuries from my home Can't go back So let's start something new Here I am This is me Openhearted I proudly decree Now as queen I am yours Let's make magic and reach for the stars Let's make magic And reach for the stars Wow.
Ugh! Whoa, hold up.
You guys like that? [crowd shouting angrily.]
- [man.]
Give us back our compact! - [woman 1.]
Just give me a break! [buzzing.]
[woman 2.]
Can you please give me back my phone! Aah! You could have just pulled the plug.
We should have pulled the plug a long time ago.
It's over? I never got to show off my dad's recipe for tortas ahogadas.
You should come make it at my house sometime.
Sure.
Uh, Eclipsa, that was an awesome song.
I'm sorry nobody else liked it.
[sighs.]
I'm sorry I dragged you into this.
But don't worry, we'll find a way to get the people of Mewni to love you.
Oh, don't be so hasty.
Every single one of my boyfriends hated me before they loved me.
I don't have any regrets.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than liked for who I pretend to be.
Wait, don't you want to be fake and hated? [indistinct chatter.]
[humming Eclipsa's song.]