The Durrells (2016) s04e06 Episode Script

- He's back everyone.
- How I've missed this.
Larry, wait for me! Mind your head, or I'll jump on it! - I'm coming in! - No! - Still gruesomely pea brained.
- Still with your bullshit.
Spiros's wife had an affair with Basil?! Silly Baz? Oh don't.
I feel so guilty about it.
Leslie was only trying to help Spiros and I be together.
He's been cycling around desperately trying to find Spi - Hello, darling.
- Hello.
Well, my travels were eye-opening, thanks for asking.
Ah Gerry! I was approached in Athens to work for British Intelligence.
- I said no, of course.
- Or did you? - Yes, I did.
- I'd love to be a spy.
Can you put my name forward, please? - You'd start a war.
- No, don't.
I don't need to be a spy, I combat idiocy through my art.
I thought we could put on a play, to celebrate me being back.
- Let's do Porgy & Bess! - No, we're too white.
I've written a play.
It's 'The Odyssey' adapted to tell our story since we came to Corfu.
Well, I'm not doing it.
The theatre's daft.
That's a shame, I had you down for Odysseus, the hero.
I need a distraction, I'll play him.
Well, I did bring you all here on an epic Greek journey, which we are still on.
- Very good.
- Thank you.
Oh, just to update you: Europe's on the brink of war.
Another reason to do a rip-roaring theatrical satire on the folly of battle.
Yes, but this is the safe end of Europe.
- Hardly.
Italy's invaded Albania.
- That's only two miles over the water.
Well we're all ignoring it.
We're all back together and we're not going anywhere.
THE DURRELLS Aren't you interested in the world, mother? There's been too much going on around here.
The world's come a poor second.
You can't live your life in denial.
If you had lived through the Great War, you'd be less keen to discuss a new one.
And more keen on innocent pleasures, like spoon making.
The returning belle-lettrist! The dapper bewhiskered polymath! - The curse of over-education.
- Theo, we'll talk later.
I must finish my play.
You're God by the way.
Praise be.
How are you? A little wistful, since finding this.
Four years, and twice the size.
Do me a favour, Supreme Being, stop the years rushing by This is a python.
I was given her by a retiring pet shop owner.
Asian geese.
They're another pair that breeds for life.
Unlike a lot of humans.
Galini! My Greek friend will explain that in her beautiful way.
Yes.
Asian geese they mate and stay together for life.
Sit down please.
I have an announcement.
I've learnt a lot about myself over the last few months.
I'm more mature and less stupid than I suspected.
Did you not notice? Yes.
I'll shout out if I disagree about anything.
But in one way I'm not yet a woman, and I want to correct that.
By giving myself to Nikos.
You're brilliant as a fish, any thoughts as a mother? Well, do you, do you love Nikos? I find him enormously attractive, and making love is supposed to be huge fun.
I can't really remember.
I said no to Zoltan even though he was very keen, to put it mildly.
There were times I thought he'd explode.
I don't really need to know the ins and outs Now I'm wondering, what am I waiting for? I forgot the corkscrew, sorry.
Another idea that seemed good when you started, Leslie Durrells.
That's really not fair, Spiros.
I only did it so that you could be with my mother.
Oh, you might swallow bits of glass and die.
I don't care.
Well, my mother cares about you.
Thanks.
It's easier here, living on the beach.
Just me and the seagulls.
There's nothing stopping you and my mother being together, surely.
Apart from pride.
Pride has a poor reputation, but I like it.
Without it, I am just a homeless taxi-driver.
No, that's rubbish.
I know your problem.
You've loved my mother ever since you met her, and you feel guilty because that's what broke your marriage.
The only cure for that is to stop feeling guilty and feel happy.
By coming back to the house, and being with her.
Please.
Look at that poster.
They are all useless.
So we open our play on Odysseus, the foremost fighting hero of Greek Mythology, with your crew Your ship lands among the magical Lotus-eaters, where travellers eat fruits, and lose thoughts of home.
- We get it.
- It's like Corfu, yes.
Where's Leslie? He's supposed to be doing the stage management.
- Er, Luga.
Where did you get these? - I borrow them.
- We have actors in my family.
- Well, that's fabulous.
No.
- Nikos must be in the play.
- Must? - Yes, I will do the music.
- He's really musical.
Well, we can we can work on that.
Oh by the way congratulations on your forthcoming union.
Ah, The Durrells Players, back, despite popular demand.
And you're in it, too.
Sven has agreed and your husband.
Oh he'll love that.
What parts? - You, a Siren.
- Obviously.
- And the Wind God your husband.
- Oh you've heard about him then.
Spiros, we've missed you.
I really wasn't pushing you away from your wife.
Marriage is, well as we know, it's precious.
Well, I'm realising that even precious things end.
We all love a sunset, but only a fool tries to chase it around the world.
Hark at you with your nature metaphors.
Mrs Durrells, you deserve the finest everything, including language.
I'm going to ask you formally and for ever to call me by my first name.
Louisa.
Louisa Louisa - What does it mean? - I believe it means famous warrior.
Worrier? Warrior.
I am Spiridon.
Meaning a basket for carrying seeds.
Mr Hakiaopulos is "needed on stage".
I'm in your play? All are.
There is no escape.
Let's go, let's go! Whose idea was it to put me now to perform? Mrs Durrell, while you're alone, might I have a word? Theo, try as you may with your grave face, you cannot dent my sunny mood.
My friends in Athens say the political situation in Greece is, is dire.
Pressures in Europe are mounting.
Well we're not leaving until we absolutely have to, if ever.
Well, I'm glad, but I had to say it.
I don't want to break Gerry's heart but he should dismantle his zoo.
No Otherwise if the worst happens he may have to just abandon his animals.
Look at me: I'm sorry, but you must be ready to go if things change.
Signore Mussolini and Herr Hitler have pledged not to invade Greece which remains officially neutral under its Prime Minister Ioannis Metaxas.
But the Italian invasion of Albania has cast doubt on these assurances Gerry.
Theo.
- I don't want to have to say this.
- That's just what I said to Larry.
"Woe and thrice woe!"? Nobody says that.
I suggested "Bloody hell, nightmare!" But I was thinking you might thin out your zoo a little.
What? Why? Because I suddenly thought it was looking rather crowded.
Well that's just because you live alone.
You could move a dozen wildebeests into your place and you'd hardly notice, apart from the broken furniture.
Well, good one! Some might need to spread their wings, while they can, however much we'd like to keep them here.
LUNAR AND SEX WORSHIP - What's your problem? - I have to make a mask for a Cyclops.
He's only got one eye, apparently.
Ridiculous.
You should be doing this.
I'm busy, I'm researching how girls around the world celebrate becoming a woman.
There's a lot about being watched by the village, which we won't be doing.
I think I'll keep it simple: incense, white robes before, red robes after.
Yeah, do what you feel's best.
Good luck you two.
Hang onto your hats! Shall I bring you some prophylactics from the surgery? No, I borrowed some.
You borrowed some? Right! Right Spiros, let's see how this looks.
Larry? How do I look? I've done the best I can with my limited knowledge and interest! A visit from the Corfu police, always a pleasure.
I hope.
Hello, everyone.
- Leslie.
- Lambros.
- I see you've been promoted.
- Yes.
Time to be a serious policeman at these serious times.
In the name of the Greek government I order you to surrender your wirelesses.
- Why should we give you our - We don't have a wireless.
Aren't you a bit tiny to be a copper? I know you do.
And I will come back tomorrow for it.
Or you risk prison.
Yes, do they not have a minimum height requirement in the Corfu Police? No, nor maximum stupidity.
Oh, alright.
He's just doing his job.
I will take this.
It is also for propaganda.
Oh Larry, how will you survive without your typewriter? Some things are more important even than writing.
But, this is all worse than I thought.
The Greek regime has maintained a vigorous anti-Communist stance in recent years, but accusations of fascist sympathies have been denied.
In Germany, members of the Hitler youth have been instructed they may not eat ice creams in public.
Ah Nikos.
I think tomorrow might be our night, don't you think, after the play? A breathtaking encore.
Cast of two.
You told everyone you are giving me your maidenhead.
No, maidenhood.
Maidenhead is in Berkshire, I think.
I only told my mother.
And Leslie.
And Florence.
And the egg-woman at the market.
You're right I did tell a lot of people.
- Break a leg! - Theo, don't.
I'm regretting going public about the whole virginity thing.
It is quite rare that it's publicised in advance.
Is it? Margo, I've hidden the wireless.
So if the police arrive at the house, stick to the idea that we've never had one.
- We've never had a house? - Never had a wireless.
I thought you said you'd become more mature.
Yes, I'm wondering about that now.
More theatre things.
From my family.
Woeful timing but I have to go, so I'm leaving you in charge of the play.
Me? Yes, don't do the I'm just a dim bloke routine.
You're as bright as anyone here.
I'll be back soon.
This is silly but he's normally such a bastard.
It's a lovely day.
That is not relevant.
What are my orders? You want me to do this because it's looking bad out there, isn't it? Yes.
You've been so good to me, Theo.
But who knows, I'm a member of the Optimists Club.
They're all in it.
I'm trying to see it as setting them all free, but it feels more like losing a lot of friends.
I know.
Galini will be so upset when she finds out.
And all our visitors.
You've passed your enthusiasm on to so many people.
It's been a huge celebration of animal life.
So, some are ready to go back into the wild.
And others need human homes.
Don't worry, Roger.
You're family.
Plays are brilliant.
Oh we should get a good audience, I asked Argos the Gobby Postman to tell everyone.
They know the play's in English? Yes, I said we'd do big self-explanatory gestures.
You go back to England or not? Not, Lugaretzia.
Nikos.
I'm sorry.
I made you look like a performing monkey and turned a private moment into, well, a minor local event.
You're right, making love for the first time should be natural and spontaneous.
Thank you.
So let's not go ahead with it.
First off, I wanna get this attached to that wall.
Come on, I could do with some help.
Mother I've decided to call off the, you know, shenanigans, with Nikos.
You were right, maybe we should be really in love.
Like you and Spiros.
Oh, is it that obvious? Yes, it is.
Well good, so you'll save yourself for your wedding night.
I will if you will Can i have all actors for rehearsal, please! Now God is missing so we'll be starting with scene six, in which the sorceress Circe I prefer Wise Woman.
Er, not interested, when she turns Odysseus's crew into pigs.
Oh, Galini, perfect timing.
You could be Gerry, get ready to be turned into a pig.
Now the meaning of this scene is that health provision on Corfu is decidedly patchy but Florence at the surgery has been a godsend in that she No time for meaning.
From the top.
Good morning.
I have come to confiscate your wireless.
We told you, we haven't got one.
But we could all sing you a song if you're after a little light music.
The time for joking is over.
Perhaps I should stop your play, as it is also propaganda.
You stop this right now.
I know your family, they are good people.
Do you want everyone to know about your medical records? Do you want me to arrest you for threatening a police officer? You'd be superb if you fancied a part.
No, my part is: police officer.
Well I'm sure you are due an afternoon off.
- Oh, divine.
- That's it! That is spot on! That's special.
- Thank you.
- What a handsome man! - Maybe just a little higher there! - Yes, do you want me to take it up? Would you do that? Louisa.
Let's go for a drive.
And when I say drive, I don't mean drive.
We can't, I'm in a play.
And so are you.
Oh yes.
But afterwards.
Where do you want to go? To heaven.
I know the way.
- Good afternoon.
- The same to you.
A telegram.
What has happened? What's wrong? Go, go inside darling, I'll be in in a moment.
Go on! Basil's been killed, in Albania.
Just for being English.
Oh goodness.
"Always take the scenic route," he said.
"What's the hurry?" Now I think there is a hurry.
You must take your family back to England.
Basil didn't understand the risks.
So now we do.
I'm afraid we have to leave Corfu.
I've been told there's a special chartered ship that leaves tomorrow.
The safe way back.
I don't think the play's really the thing now, do you? We've got lots of decisions to make quickly, and well a lot of goodbyes to get through.
No, we should do the play.
It was always a celebration of our time here, now it means even more.
Come with us.
You loved America, you'll love England.
We still have a future.
You don't have much time.
Go in, make everyone happy, the way you made me happy.
Ok, so this is the 'Land Of The Dead' scene in which Odysseus is visited by his deceased loved ones and heroes from the past.
Come on dear, self-immersion is never attractive.
You have a family to whip into shape.
I know it's sad to be leaving but we all roll on, don't we, alive or dead.
Who am I playing? I do a very good wild boar impression, if that can be squeezed in.
Mother? Leslie, you should be the hero.
It was always your part.
You'll be fabulous.
It looks like it could be the last evening in Corfu for some of us here, so Well, let's enjoy it, shall we? Why does the play make you so nervous? You're all so artistic.
I see a tree and you lot see Broccoli.
What? Trees look like upside-down broccoli.
Think of all you've done since we came here.
You can do anything you set your mind to.
I can't.
I can't even have Daphne, I still miss her.
I'm quite nostalgic.
Even for Aunt Hermione.
And your Zoltan.
Me too actually.
I wrote to him saying I have a boyfriend and it's becoming serious, and hoping he had a nice girlfriend but not meaning it.
Mother and Spiros seemed very upset.
Yeah.
Adults can be very ploddy at getting what they want.
I know.
I told mother to go and find Spiros on the beach.
What's that noise? The house breathing.
We know it so well.
It feels like a living thing.
I, I am Odysseus - This is a dream come true for me.
- He loves the amateur theatre.
At medical school my Hippolytus made the audience weep openly.
- Anyone surprised by that? - Where have you been, Larry? Shall we do warm-up vocals? Extremely white stone.
Come on darling, join in.
Extremely white stone.
Extremely white stone.
How are you feeling? I don't want to leave.
I keep thinking about Zoltan.
Where does Turkey stand in the war? I I don't know anything about the war.
What is it? I am Odysseus I am Odysseus.
Come from across the sea.
- Fearing nobody - And ready for all And ready for all.
And we the crew.
Willing and devoted.
This island is lush and fine.
Better.
Luga, mask down.
Here.
- No, no, no, no, Luga - Here is a native Go on! How strange and exotic she is, to us.
Welcome to the land of the Lotus-eaters.
- What the heck is she saying? - I don't know.
We must learn this beautiful language.
Be circumspect in this new land.
I love you.
I love you.
I wish it could just be us together on this desert island.
I'll need a log cabin.
And a bed, for us, not too big, so that we're always touching.
I can't go with you to England.
No, you must.
You can.
I cannot abandon my children and my country, now of all times.
No.
What will I do without you? What you did before.
You'll be beautiful and complicated.
And a mother to your wonderful peculiar children.
What will I do without you? You'll go on spreading your magic, and I won't be here.
You will be here.
Has it all been for nothing, the waiting, the crying and the longing? Would you change it for us never having met? - Sven! - Sven? Are you having a good time? Not as good as me! It's a comic interlude by a priapic satyr! Representing sexy Corfu.
It's allowed, it's in Sophocles! Margo! Margo! Margo! Wait for me! Oh my God, it's Zoltan.
Behold! Zoltan! Poseidon! Margo! Zoltan! Come timely from the sea - Good work.
- Thank you.
You stopped the boat too soon.
I am not a fish.
I want to make a dignified entrance.
Sorry! Problem with the engine.
Margo, I hope I'm not too late.
Come on, in God's name.
Zoltan! Don't give yourself to another man.
I am here now.
And that's the interval.
Slowly introduce them into the wild.
Please take him home with you.
They love strawberries more than life itself.
Please don't eat them, use their eggs, or just take them for walks? Gerry, find a nice home for Martha.
That's for you, sir.
Years passed.
Youths became men.
- Sorry.
- In your own time.
And men became warriors.
Have you two been? - That was quick.
- I'm saying nothing.
I'll never be the same.
Adventures blossomed.
Wild creatures were tamed.
And lost affections were borne bravely How many great loves are we allowed in this lifetime? Three? Five? Or just one? Or maybe it's more like a dozen.
Bloody actors.
Mum! Come on.
Mum! As you're all here Tomorrow we leave this enchanted isle.
You know it's been good when the idea of leaving makes your heart seem to stop.
Hear-hear.
You have put up with us Durrells like a mother with an awkward baby.
You've lost your temper with us at times, and we with you, and now we're ready to leave home.
We British are reluctant to Europeans.
But if there has to be a war, my one wish is, is that we realise, when it's all over, that we need to love each other just a little bit more.
I'm afraid I haven't been following the play, owing to a personal matter.
But I hear it's very good, so thank you, Larry.
Oh, and do read my novels.
And it's a perfect reminder that for us this has been quite a journey.
Bit like the Odyssey.
But nicer people.
Speaking of the Odyssey.
Come on And so the crew set sail, but soon heard eerie and seductive singing I can't believe it's our last day here.
Can we now, of all times, enjoy the present? Well that's killed the conversation.
- How is Nikos bearing up? - Zoltan's taken him out for a drink.
I think I handled it quite badly.
There's been a lot of messy love since we got here.
Noisy.
Thank you for being so grown-up about your animals, Gerry.
He tell me he will get them back in the morning and put on boat.
- Gerry.
- Not all of them.
Alright, conquering hero? Could be worse, as we're about to swap Paradise for Bournemouth.
Oh shush.
Leslie, you were magnificent.
- Very well done.
- You were brilliant, Les.
Thank you.
I can't find a good way of saying this, but I'm not coming with you.
I'm staying here on Corfu.
Well why? I spent some time today with an associate who has a business Oh sod it, with a spy, my intelligence contact.
Is that why we're sitting in the sea, so nobody else can hear? No, because it's too bloody hot.
It's always too hot in Greece.
I'm looking forward to frost and a big coat.
Please come home with us, Larry.
I can't.
When they start trying to take away your freedom of speech, we have to stop talking, you know what I mean, and help.
Let's raise a glass.
Not that Gerry, water, To us all, and these sacred years.
And the future.
- To the future! - To the sacred years! Cheers!