The Magicians (2016) s04e06 Episode Script
A Timeline and Place
1 Previously on "The Magicians" So this book is used to help relocate different worlds via a cooperative spell? Well, it is called the World Book.
Okay, there's a spell in here that will tell me where I'm supposed to go, and I will stay there for good, okay? Just let me help you.
This is just casual, right? We're not I saved your live, bitch.
[SMOOCHES.]
Casual that.
A talking Lizard of the Dunes.
Well, what's my birthright, you scaly shit? It's the talking animals.
They've all been struck dumb.
All those organs they're building blocks, trying to piece together a body.
Is it yours? Eliot's alive.
He's alive.
- So you're Team Monster now? - I'm Team Eliot.
Your Penny's dead or not alive in some confusing way? - You're Kady? - What's going on? I'm not your Penny.
- Marina.
- Hmm.
I've been looking for you.
- Penny, right? - I know you? [EXHALES DEEPLY.]
[GRUNTS.]
- [ELECTRICAL BUZZING.]
- Ah! Well, it's about time you woke up.
What the hell? I assume you remember getting jumped.
Well, what happened next is you were sold for 500 bucks and an Alpha Black Lotus mint condish.
It's Magic the Gathering? Are you telling me that Magic cards are actually magic? No, just really expensive.
[TOOL CRANKING.]
Excuse me.
Okay, you know this kid? Not personally.
He's kind of a legend, though.
He's a horomancer.
You know, time magic, fourth dimension shit.
Yeah, cool story.
Why am I in a cage? - Hey, Stoppard.
- [TUNING FORK REVERBERATING.]
What is it you want? Huh? You want a spell? Deweys? - Lose your virginity? - You're not really my type.
Oh.
Well, if he is, you can totally have him.
That's No, I-I don't want sex or to hurt you.
I don't want any of that.
I just want you guys to go back to your timeline where you belong.
Look, it's nothing personal.
Mm, people in cages is never not personal, sweetie.
You guys are creating a frequency dissonance.
It's your quarks subtle.
Most people wouldn't notice, but what I do - What are you doing? - You guys are fucking up every spell.
Here's an idea adjust to our quarks.
They're subatomic.
How hard can it be? Yeah, I tried that.
Didn't work.
So Wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no, no, no.
[MACHINE WHIRRING.]
- Welcome home, guys.
- Father fuck me.
[SIGHS.]
That's weird.
It was just working a minute ago.
Yeah, it's 'cause there was magic in that timeline.
There ain't in timeline 23.
You gonna let me out? Why would I? You're a psychopath.
[GASPS.]
One, rude.
And, two, I know how to use that thing, and you don't.
You're also a compulsive liar, so Okay, well, you're going to send yourself to some cracked-out in-between space, but whatever.
Don't screw this up.
Calm your man tits.
I got this.
[MACHINE WHIRRING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER RADIO.]
Okay [CHATTER CONTINUES.]
I thought you said you knew how to use this thing.
Well, you should learn to trust your instincts about people.
Relax there's enough juice in the Dewey for one more jump.
Let's just not use it until we know how to, okay? Sure, sure, cool, cool.
The vibe I'm getting from this timeline is very "1984.
" Worse.
It's "The Crucible.
" [EERIE MUSIC.]
I don't know, Q.
If we help him collect his stone organ prizes, we can get him out of Eliot.
It's a good plan.
Unless we help him build a completely indestructible titan god body.
Well, he's already pretty murder-y.
It can't get much worse.
You say that like we can just risk people's lives.
We've taken down gods before.
And we end up losing every time.
It's Eliot.
Right now we can't fix everything, but I think that we can do this.
Okay, for now, we help the monster, but at the same time, we also figure out what our next move's going to be.
Thank you.
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
I don't know.
I guess I'm just worried.
- I can't help you if you - You're helping a lot.
I was a goddess, and now I'm just your friendly neighborhood bulletproof vest.
I mean, you would be a very high level X-Men.
Mm.
Like Emma Frost's diamond form.
- Mutant? - A mutant.
Like The Indestructress.
[IMITATES GUNSHOT.]
The page you gave the monster you remember what it says? We didn't have time to decipher it all.
I mean, there were a lot of hieroglyphs.
Okay, do you remember what hieroglyphs? So I'm thinking like, so we've got two stone things covered in hieroglyphs, neither of which came from an Egyptian god, so - Who did the raiding? - And why? Um, there were a lot of these ones.
- What is that? - A lot.
A yellow fruit? - Is there a yellow fruit god? - I don't know.
I don't remember anything from any class at Brakebills.
Ooh! Recently uncovered tomb changes much of what archeologists thought they knew about Ancient Egypt.
Maybe stuff Brakebills didn't know about.
Worth a shot.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Why Modesto, Alice? Still trying to figure that out.
My life, that is.
Oh.
- I like your bunnies.
- They were my mom's.
Well, she had lovely taste in glass animals.
No drugs, no booze, no bullshit.
You want to smoke, you do it outside, and the rent is due on the 5th.
- I understand.
- Okay.
I'll show you to your room.
Oh, um, just one more question what is there to do in, uh, Modesto? [SCOFFS.]
Shit-all, really.
So then why is it here if it's native to Loria? We're unsure, but since the return of magic, the Atros flower has been found blooming all over Fillory.
Its pollen is why the talking animals can't speak.
Allergies are why my birthright lizard ain't saying shit? Wait, if the bunnies can't talk, that means that we're cut off from everyone else back on Earth.
How am I going to remind them to water my rosemary plants? Or ask 23 to blip our asses back.
- That too.
- There is good news.
- We found a remedy.
- The juice from a beet that grows on one of the smaller fingerling isles Codswall best known for their inordinately polite alpacas.
- Alpacas can be supreme dicks.
- Great.
Get a ship to Cockswallow.
BOTH: Codswall.
Juice the beets, distribute, done.
There's one small, minute, trivial, infinitesimally miniscule, itty-bitty problem.
Lady Pike, who rules Codswall, has been known to be, uh Difficult.
Are you saying she's a bitch? Good thing I'm not one at all, then.
- [LAUGHING.]
- Stop laughing.
[LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
- That it? - Mm-hmm.
Do you have any suggestions on things to do - in or around Modesto? - [REGISTER BEEPING.]
Die of boredom? [DOOR OPENS, BELLS JINGLE.]
[REGISTER BEEPING.]
- I like your tattoos.
- Mm-hmm.
Hard getting by with all those shortages, huh? Yeah, maybe for the classically trained.
Cockroaches like me, we do what we got to.
Always have.
[REGISTER BEEPING.]
- Get over there! - I didn't do anything.
They're just tattoos.
They don't mean anything.
Keep moving.
They are not fucking around here.
Yeah, honestly, I'm more concerned about what my girlfriend will do if I don't make it back in time for her birthday.
You have a girlfriend? As in a human you give a shit about? Yeah, and I'd rather not lose her this time.
We were a thing back in timeline 23, and I fucked it up.
You're telling me that you found another one of her in timeline 40? Yes.
And now that I know what she will and won't put up with, it's going so much better this time.
- That's sociopathic.
- Dude, we're refugees.
We deserve any and all advantages that come our way.
Yeah, like penthouse apartments? 'Cause I don't know any refugees that live like that.
You want that thing? You can have it.
It's way more trouble than it's worth.
Hey, crazy pitch what if we asked Stoppard for help here? Like the Stoppard in this timeline? Probably got burned at the stake.
Okay, but if he didn't, he has no beef with us.
We take the thing to him.
If anyone can fix it, he can.
There's so much terrible about that idea.
Okay, do you know another horomancer? No? Then let's go.
[SIGHS.]
Brothers and sisters, when things are lost, they want to be found Ms.
Ross's engagement ring, little Joey Mireles's dog That we will find the money to pay for Kiersten Bron's leukemia treatment.
- Tea? - Oh, no, thank you.
Um, do you know Reverend Ted Grayson? Yeah, he's my minister.
He's a little theatrical at times, but he's a good man.
- Why, are you religious? - Uh, not really.
You? No.
My mom was.
I was on probation when she passed, and the congregation was there for me, so I still go.
[SCOFFS.]
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Look, I'm not good at the whole back-and-forth thing, so I'm just going to say it.
I saw you.
I saw you find the lock box.
You followed me? How did you know where to dig? No idea what you're talking about.
How the hell did you just do that? Same way you found the box.
I'm a magician.
Like you.
You had no idea, did you? That it was real till you could do it.
You can talk to me.
To me, this doesn't even count as weird.
It just started a couple of months ago.
I, um I lost my keys, and then all of a sudden, I could just feel it in my head.
You're a quaeromancer.
It's really rare actually.
I-I've never met one and I went to a school full of people like us.
- Are you shitting me? - Nope.
They can do all kinds of things.
Most people don't figure out their thing until their 20s, but every now and then, somebody it takes them longer.
Have you told anyone? [SCOFFS.]
They would think I was nuts.
Honestly It's the best thing that ever happened to me.
Do you know what I mean? Well yes and no.
Sheila, I think you might be why I'm here.
[KNOCK AT DOOR.]
- Librarians.
- Librarians? They can't know I'm here.
Please don't tell them.
Thanks, but I'm not interested.
Sheila Cozener? I'm Paul, this is Laurel, and we'd like to talk to you about an opportunity.
One involving your newfound talents.
Sheila, I am telling you, you can't trust the Library.
Okay, I-I know that they told you they'd give you more magic if you signed up for a Library card, but they won't, okay? The Library card is just a way for them to keep tabs on you.
Alice, I get it.
You know, whatever run-in you had with them clearly traumatized you.
I don't know enough about any of this to be signing up for anything.
You said that you were in Modesto because of me.
Right? What if it's because you're supposed to teach me everything? No.
Knowing more isn't better.
How could it not? Because it's powerful and it can be really, really bad.
Okay, look, I'm a grown woman, you're a grown woman, we make choices.
Is there something I'm missing here? Okay, listen I did a lot of stupid shit when I was your age.
Yeah, so did I, and magic made it so much bigger and so much worse.
And if you regret it, if you think about those people that you hurt and all that time that you wasted every single day, then I know how you feel.
Look, I hear you.
I get it.
But it's what we make of it, right? And for me, it's it's like the first time that I can, you know, turn things around, maybe maybe do something good.
But I need you to help me do that.
Please! All right we are going to need to take this outside.
If you own the house, why do you smoke outside? I don't know it's my mother's rules, I guess.
Always seemed kind of wrong just breaking them 'cause she was gone.
Come on.
Okay.
Let's start with Popper 1.
Okay.
I'll make this simple.
We need your beets.
At a fair price, of course.
I doubt the island of Clitswell - Codswall.
- Codswall.
Anyway, I Do you even know where Codswall is? Of course.
It's one of the bigger smaller fingering islands.
- Fingerling.
- Exactly.
Fingerling.
Thank you, Your Majesty.
- For? - Confirming my suspicion that you've never had consideration for us.
This makes my decision to sell our beets to West Loria that much easier.
- Where the fuck is West Loria? - West of Loria, Your Majesty.
- But since when? - While you were Janet, King Idri and his sister, Ru, had a squabble/slight war.
- Like a civil war? - And as acting High King, I asked myself, "What would Margo or Eliot do?" - Support our ally, Idri.
- Unfortunately, he lost.
Now Queen Ru rules over West Loria.
And 'cause she's pissed we helped Idri, she wants all Lady Pike's fresh beets? Damn.
That's cold.
Verily, they don't even have - talking animals in West Loria.
- On problem at a time.
The Cumdumpsterson twat ALL: Codswall.
Oh, I know what I said.
I'm going to firebomb the shit out of her floating patch of dirt and take her beets.
Bada bing, bada fuck her.
Could we be a tad less incendiary? Agreed.
What would Eliot do? Eliot's not here, sweetie.
I am.
[MOUTHING WORDS.]
So just to ask this, can we really risk war with West Loria? Diplomacy was Eliot's thing, Josh.
Diplomacy is what got you elected.
I got elected because I listened to a drunk bear talk about his fee-fees.
- That's all diplomacy is! - It was an accident.
- [SCOFFS.]
- I don't know how to intentionally care about other people's shit.
Lucky for you, that's all I do.
Fine.
One shot, Hoberman.
[GRUNTS SOFTLY.]
Hi, we're looking for Stoppard.
Daniel, honey.
Come in before someone sees you.
Amazing.
I haven't seen anything like this since before the exclusion laws.
I have one of these! And it's missing a spoke like mine.
What are the odds? Anyway, this this one, it didn't come with a manual.
Do you have any ideas? Well, it's hard to explain, but I think Daniel, something's not Mom? Mom, what's wrong? Something something's wrong with the spells.
Hold on, I'll figure this out.
Quickly, while he's busy.
Found an outdated copy of Taussig's Primer and a VCR manual.
This place has shit for helpful books.
Well, at least it's standing.
I cannot believe a bunch of militant muggles beat me to burning down Brakebills.
- What's that? - Oh, it was Sonia's.
- You mean Stoppard's mother? - I mean Sonia Kikuno the genius who basically pioneered horomancy.
This is easily one of the most accidentally valuable things I've ever stolen.
Here, look.
Wasn't that in Stoppard's workshop? Yeah.
That screen opens a window in time.
You can FaceTime with the past as far back as 50 years.
It's genuinely genius.
Like, wow.
A lot of these spells use cinnabar.
Hasn't hasn't that stuff been banned for years? Yeah, it causes severe neuro-degeneration, which is probably what's happening with Sonia.
She's been hitting the cinnabar pretty hard for decades, I imagine.
So she has clockwork Alzheimer's? Mm, kind of, but so much worse.
Your brain gets unstuck in time.
You don't know where you are or when you are, and you can't control it.
It is good, good times, and then you die.
Yeah, but but it seemed like they had a-a treatment.
I mean, those weird watches she had on? Mm, yeah, until they got messed up by us.
[SIGHS.]
Must be what started all this.
I mean, back in timeline 40 it's why Stoppard hunted us down.
He's trying to save his mom.
Oh now I almost feel bad for him.
Feel bad for us.
Even if we get back to timeline 40, Stoppard is going to do anything he can to kick us out.
Unless we kill him.
For trying to save his mom? Moms die every day.
Circle of life.
Wow! No! We help him save her.
[SIGHS, GROANS.]
Am I just absorbing a fuck-ton of cinnabar right now? Yeah, and breathing it.
[SIGHS.]
Great.
Let's finish this and get the hell out of here.
[SIGHS.]
[SCREEN BUZZING.]
- Sonia? - Who are you? Friend's of Daniel, who's grown now.
Listen, we need to talk to you about that cinnabar that you're using.
It's Frying my brain into cheesecloth, I know.
Daniel used my designs to build the device you're using.
We talked a couple months ago.
If you were his friends, you'd know that.
He asked you to stop? Of course.
He also told me I'm about to have a breakthrough that creates a whole new discipline.
I can't stop now.
My work's too important.
Fair point.
So you're just going to pick your clock shit over your own kid? No, idiot.
I choose both.
I designed devices to counter the cinnabar, tether my mind right here with my work and my kid.
As long as I have these working for me, I'll be fine.
I intend to die a very old lady sharp as a tack.
Oh, fuck her.
It's not our fault.
She knew the consequences, and she still licked her paintbrushes.
We go back to 40, we're taking the kid's mom away.
- I'm not doing that.
- Well, I'm not losing my life because some horo-bitch is a shitty mom.
She's shitty so he should suffer? We're the ones who don't belong.
You know what? You do you.
I'm going back to 40 and my future wife.
Don't touch me! [MACHINE WHIRRING.]
[GASPS.]
Shit.
[SIGHS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Quick.
[EERIE MUSIC.]
- Anything? - Nothing yet.
Keep looking.
Quentin.
Whoopsies.
Are you drunk? This body hearts tequila when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm bored because everything is taking too long, meaning you.
Relevant story I was in a road, and I almost got hit by what do you call it a big fat truck.
But I wouldn't have felt anything at all because tequila is my friend.
Um, you know, great news we've made good progress finding that part of yours.
Um, you wouldn't still happen to have the paper I gave you? Oh, I misplaced it.
Do you know anything about an Egyptian god of yellow fruit? I'm not at all helpful like this, am I? What do you think? You seem stressed by your vast and obvious limitations.
[SCOFFS.]
Why don't we just ask someone who was there? [RUMBLING.]
[WHEEZING.]
You know, for having such desiccated hands, his Hieratic script's amazing.
[MUMBLING LOUDLY.]
What did he say? Cut our poor mummy friend some slack, Hoo-lia.
He took a hook to the brain.
Of course he's got a bit of a speech impediment.
Oh, uh, the yellow fruit.
It's a mandrake root, and we are looking for Heka, the God of Magic and Medicine.
It looks like he's got one of your stones.
Let's go kill him.
He's already dead.
Looks like he was buried in the Temple of, uh Esna? Uh, which was looted shortly after.
And where is it now? My loot? [MUMBLES.]
Yes, this is very disappointing.
Figure this out before I get mad.
This body craves a cinnamon churro.
[WHOOSHING.]
Bye.
[GROANS, MUMBLES.]
Ah.
Ah.
- We can take a break.
- No, no, it's okay.
I want to keep going.
It bothers you, doesn't it? That I'm so into this? It just worries me.
For you, magic you think it just can fix everything, but it kind of has a way of breaking things.
Sometimes I feel like everything that's gone wrong in my life is 'cause of it.
Yeah, I used to say the same about alcohol, about drugs, about money, but none of that's really good or bad.
It just is.
It's how you handle it, really.
Uh, don't drink that.
The tap's got lead in it.
You got to drink the bottled water out of the fridge.
- Why is there lead in the tap? - City's pipes.
They're old and corroded.
Why don't they just fix it? That's cute that you think they would.
Asekian's Purification.
I can show you.
It's simple.
Can you do that for the rest of the water supply? No, or better yet, is there a spell that would restore - all the old pipes in Modesto? - There is, but Okay, well, then do that.
Do it, please, because you have no idea how many people how many kids are I No, it's too big.
We can't do it.
There's not enough ambient magic.
The Library it doles out the rest? Wait.
You said that they control the levels of ambient magic that flow through the pipes, right? Yeah? I can feel one.
They're everywhere.
No, no, no, no, no.
I think this one's different.
This one has a leak.
[OVER RADIO TRANSMITTER.]
This isn't just food, Margo.
This is your secret weapon.
You can tell a lot about people based on what they eat.
- Everything looks lovely.
- Thank you.
- Our chef is very - Talented.
Extra.
I'll take that as a compliment.
Like I was saying, is she reserved, adventurous? Maybe she's sexy and decadent like a truffle lobster mac and cheese.
Oh, interesting.
Mongoose cream egg with caviar.
She's bold.
Proud of her accomplishments, but being so driven has led her to be lonely, misunderstood.
- Mm.
- Uh, Tick said something about Codswall's polite alpacas.
Maybe she's proud of that.
Ask.
I hear Codswall has upstanding alpacas.
It is a misconception that alpacas have behavioral issues.
The truth is, they have a lack of self-esteem from years of shearing.
Imagine being stripped naked twice, even three times a year.
There it is.
She's real into her 'pacas.
- Empathize with her.
- The indignity is real.
Like humans, alpacas need affection - and love.
- Preach.
You may not know this, but I ran on a platform of animal equality.
My administration is the first to give talking animals their rightful voice.
I mean, that is why we're here tonight, right? The animals.
I just care so damn much.
I like to drink my tea with a splash of alpaca milk.
Would you like some? Uh, you can't refuse this, Margo.
It's straight from my dearest Delilah's teat.
Uh-huh.
Do it, Margo.
Now! Yeah, good.
You are a champion.
You can really taste the love.
What a beautiful way to say it.
I'm afraid I may have judged Your Majesty too quickly.
Same which is why I would love it if we could start fresh.
Your beets Unfortunately, I have already agreed to sell my beets to West Loria, and being a woman of my word, I can't go back.
You understand, right? I'm going to check on dessert.
I'm about to skin a bitch.
I want you to double down on the charm offense.
You got her eating out of your extra-diplomatic hands right now.
I guess I could lube her up some more about her alpacas.
Yes, exactly you, High King Margo Fucking Hanson, you got this.
I know you didn't think you could do this, but, honestly, I think you're out-Elioting Eliot.
[BELL DINGS.]
Ah, strawberry ricotta soufflé is done.
I'm gonna get that.
You get back to winning at High King-in'.
- Margo, what are you doing? - Being the real me.
Let me tell you how this is going to play out, lady.
You're going to give me those beets, and I'm not going to skin and eat any of your tasty alpaca children, capisce? That's what I thought.
[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY.]
[EERIE MUSIC.]
What in the hell? Hi.
I can't begin to imagine how you fucked yourself hard enough to get here, but [SIGHS.]
Let's take advantage.
Interesting choice on the hair.
Says the guy dressed like an ambulance chaser.
- So you're dead me.
- Technically.
Does this mean I'm dead, too? No, no, this is a-a, uh, kind of between space? I saw you zapped yourself here like an idiot, and I took a coffee break.
I mean, I've been wanting to talk to you.
So then I assume you know that I took your You took my spot in my timeline? Yeah.
Didn't expect that twist with Julia, though.
Yeah, I could say the same about Kady.
For what it's worth, it never felt right taking your place.
- But, you know - Everything feels wrong, so you just pick something? Yeah, of course I do.
Real talk You got to go back.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
To 23, I know, I'm working on it.
Uh, no.
My timeline.
It's where you belong.
Okay, do you want to cut the vague, omniscient Librarian shit and just tell me why? It's complicated but crucial.
You do know me existing there is making some very important horomancer lady very sick? It's doing a lot more than that.
Look, I know you lost everyone you love in timeline 23 Really? But they're still alive in timeline 40, and if I were you, which I am, I'd do whatever to not lose them again.
Okay, you might be me, but you don't know me, okay? Those shits are not my people.
Fair, but I know a little about your future.
Perks of the gig.
So is being an abstruse dick about it, apparently.
Sonia can't be saved.
Even if you go back to 23, she's dead within a month.
It's terminal.
Period.
Sounds like something I'd say to make myself feel like less of an ass.
Bigger things at play than your guilt, buddy.
You got to go back.
Sorry.
That's as specific as I can be.
Sorry? Are you? Dude, I just jumped you clear over 1,000 miles of bullshit.
So I'm sorry if it feels bad in your soft little heart, but, more importantly, you're welcome.
Kady wants you.
They all want you.
It's not my timeline anymore.
It's yours.
So, you remember that when the moment comes, I said, "Do it.
" Do what he says, okay? No, not okay.
Vague as shit.
[COIN RATTLES.]
To go back to 40, you're gonna want to turn this dial three clicks to the right.
Tell Kady I love her and I'm sorry.
[MACHINE WHIRRING.]
Well, thank Christ.
I thought you pissed off without me.
- Where'd you go? - It was, uh I honestly don't know how to explain it.
But I know what we got to do now.
It's here.
[EERIE MUSIC.]
Oh, God.
You were right there's a crack.
I think it could split the pipe open and let more ambient out.
Here.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Once you pour it down the drain, it should clean the water and clear the corrosion from the pipes.
[SIGHS.]
- Did I do something wrong? - Huh? No, I just I can't remember the last time that magic wasn't the problem.
This calls for a drink.
[LAUGHS.]
Thank you.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Look, we'll find the stone.
It'll be [CLATTER.]
What are you doing? Stop.
Jesus.
Those pills can kill you.
I'll take a new body.
I'm bored.
You kill Eliot and you can forget about us helping you.
Eliot, Eliot, Eliot.
Why do you care about him so much? Because I do.
You kill him, and we are done.
I swear to God, I am serious.
I will abandon you, and I will die trying to burn you to the ground.
That's cute.
But I'm strong And you're weak.
Break my bones and strangle me.
[CHOKING.]
Too tired to care anymore.
Q.
You hurt him, you take one more pill, and you can build your body on your own.
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
[GROWLING SOFTLY.]
Fine.
I'll take better care of the meat suit.
Mm, but you don't have to be such a baby about it.
Hey, what happened with the game plan? Margo, are you okay? You stupid, stupid prick.
How dare you say I out-Elioted Eliot? Tell me, hmm? Why would I ever want to do anything without him? Hey, uh, I'm sorry.
I-I should have known how you were feeling.
Why? Because I like fettuccini and I hate rosé, you think you know me? You don't, Hoberman.
Because if you did, you would know I don't need a new partner in crime.
That's not I was just trying to help you.
Bullshit.
Now, I may be a cunt, but I am real.
You? You're just a brown-nose sweater boy desperate to matter at all to anyone.
Wow.
[SCOFFS.]
And here I thought I was being a friend who wants to be your boyfriend.
I really, really got to work on the signals.
- Josh, I didn't - Didn't mean to hurt me? Yes, you did.
Believe it or not, I know exactly who you are, Margo.
[FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING RAPIDLY.]
[MACHINE WHIRRING.]
Took you long enough.
I nearly gave up on you making it back.
Yeah, well, magic was a little scare in your timeline, so it took a minute to rebuild.
- Where's Marina? - With her girlfriend.
Listen, kid, we know you're trying to look out for your mom.
We get it.
You saying you'll leave? Bigger things at play here.
Sorry, man.
I'm not going anywhere.
- Is that - Yeah.
- It's from another timeline.
- Please.
Don't blow on it.
If you blow on it It'll spread seeds everywhere, root itself in this timeline making it impossible for you to clean? I know, which is why I scattered about ten of them an hour ago.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
I'm sorry.
Hey! What are you waiting for? It's clean! It got fixed! I'm serious! Come on, don't waste it! [CHILDREN LAUGHING.]
Whoo! You can go on ahead if you want to.
I'll I'll meet you back at the house.
You sure? Yeah, I'm gonna stick around a little while.
All right, I'll see you later.
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES.]
[DOOR BELLS JINGLE.]
- Thanks for calling me.
- I knew you'd want to know.
- I owe you.
- Nah.
This is for all of us.
Sheila Cozener? You've been a busy girl.
[CHILDREN LAUGHING.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay, there's a spell in here that will tell me where I'm supposed to go, and I will stay there for good, okay? Just let me help you.
This is just casual, right? We're not I saved your live, bitch.
[SMOOCHES.]
Casual that.
A talking Lizard of the Dunes.
Well, what's my birthright, you scaly shit? It's the talking animals.
They've all been struck dumb.
All those organs they're building blocks, trying to piece together a body.
Is it yours? Eliot's alive.
He's alive.
- So you're Team Monster now? - I'm Team Eliot.
Your Penny's dead or not alive in some confusing way? - You're Kady? - What's going on? I'm not your Penny.
- Marina.
- Hmm.
I've been looking for you.
- Penny, right? - I know you? [EXHALES DEEPLY.]
[GRUNTS.]
- [ELECTRICAL BUZZING.]
- Ah! Well, it's about time you woke up.
What the hell? I assume you remember getting jumped.
Well, what happened next is you were sold for 500 bucks and an Alpha Black Lotus mint condish.
It's Magic the Gathering? Are you telling me that Magic cards are actually magic? No, just really expensive.
[TOOL CRANKING.]
Excuse me.
Okay, you know this kid? Not personally.
He's kind of a legend, though.
He's a horomancer.
You know, time magic, fourth dimension shit.
Yeah, cool story.
Why am I in a cage? - Hey, Stoppard.
- [TUNING FORK REVERBERATING.]
What is it you want? Huh? You want a spell? Deweys? - Lose your virginity? - You're not really my type.
Oh.
Well, if he is, you can totally have him.
That's No, I-I don't want sex or to hurt you.
I don't want any of that.
I just want you guys to go back to your timeline where you belong.
Look, it's nothing personal.
Mm, people in cages is never not personal, sweetie.
You guys are creating a frequency dissonance.
It's your quarks subtle.
Most people wouldn't notice, but what I do - What are you doing? - You guys are fucking up every spell.
Here's an idea adjust to our quarks.
They're subatomic.
How hard can it be? Yeah, I tried that.
Didn't work.
So Wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no, no, no.
[MACHINE WHIRRING.]
- Welcome home, guys.
- Father fuck me.
[SIGHS.]
That's weird.
It was just working a minute ago.
Yeah, it's 'cause there was magic in that timeline.
There ain't in timeline 23.
You gonna let me out? Why would I? You're a psychopath.
[GASPS.]
One, rude.
And, two, I know how to use that thing, and you don't.
You're also a compulsive liar, so Okay, well, you're going to send yourself to some cracked-out in-between space, but whatever.
Don't screw this up.
Calm your man tits.
I got this.
[MACHINE WHIRRING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER RADIO.]
Okay [CHATTER CONTINUES.]
I thought you said you knew how to use this thing.
Well, you should learn to trust your instincts about people.
Relax there's enough juice in the Dewey for one more jump.
Let's just not use it until we know how to, okay? Sure, sure, cool, cool.
The vibe I'm getting from this timeline is very "1984.
" Worse.
It's "The Crucible.
" [EERIE MUSIC.]
I don't know, Q.
If we help him collect his stone organ prizes, we can get him out of Eliot.
It's a good plan.
Unless we help him build a completely indestructible titan god body.
Well, he's already pretty murder-y.
It can't get much worse.
You say that like we can just risk people's lives.
We've taken down gods before.
And we end up losing every time.
It's Eliot.
Right now we can't fix everything, but I think that we can do this.
Okay, for now, we help the monster, but at the same time, we also figure out what our next move's going to be.
Thank you.
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
I don't know.
I guess I'm just worried.
- I can't help you if you - You're helping a lot.
I was a goddess, and now I'm just your friendly neighborhood bulletproof vest.
I mean, you would be a very high level X-Men.
Mm.
Like Emma Frost's diamond form.
- Mutant? - A mutant.
Like The Indestructress.
[IMITATES GUNSHOT.]
The page you gave the monster you remember what it says? We didn't have time to decipher it all.
I mean, there were a lot of hieroglyphs.
Okay, do you remember what hieroglyphs? So I'm thinking like, so we've got two stone things covered in hieroglyphs, neither of which came from an Egyptian god, so - Who did the raiding? - And why? Um, there were a lot of these ones.
- What is that? - A lot.
A yellow fruit? - Is there a yellow fruit god? - I don't know.
I don't remember anything from any class at Brakebills.
Ooh! Recently uncovered tomb changes much of what archeologists thought they knew about Ancient Egypt.
Maybe stuff Brakebills didn't know about.
Worth a shot.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Why Modesto, Alice? Still trying to figure that out.
My life, that is.
Oh.
- I like your bunnies.
- They were my mom's.
Well, she had lovely taste in glass animals.
No drugs, no booze, no bullshit.
You want to smoke, you do it outside, and the rent is due on the 5th.
- I understand.
- Okay.
I'll show you to your room.
Oh, um, just one more question what is there to do in, uh, Modesto? [SCOFFS.]
Shit-all, really.
So then why is it here if it's native to Loria? We're unsure, but since the return of magic, the Atros flower has been found blooming all over Fillory.
Its pollen is why the talking animals can't speak.
Allergies are why my birthright lizard ain't saying shit? Wait, if the bunnies can't talk, that means that we're cut off from everyone else back on Earth.
How am I going to remind them to water my rosemary plants? Or ask 23 to blip our asses back.
- That too.
- There is good news.
- We found a remedy.
- The juice from a beet that grows on one of the smaller fingerling isles Codswall best known for their inordinately polite alpacas.
- Alpacas can be supreme dicks.
- Great.
Get a ship to Cockswallow.
BOTH: Codswall.
Juice the beets, distribute, done.
There's one small, minute, trivial, infinitesimally miniscule, itty-bitty problem.
Lady Pike, who rules Codswall, has been known to be, uh Difficult.
Are you saying she's a bitch? Good thing I'm not one at all, then.
- [LAUGHING.]
- Stop laughing.
[LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
- That it? - Mm-hmm.
Do you have any suggestions on things to do - in or around Modesto? - [REGISTER BEEPING.]
Die of boredom? [DOOR OPENS, BELLS JINGLE.]
[REGISTER BEEPING.]
- I like your tattoos.
- Mm-hmm.
Hard getting by with all those shortages, huh? Yeah, maybe for the classically trained.
Cockroaches like me, we do what we got to.
Always have.
[REGISTER BEEPING.]
- Get over there! - I didn't do anything.
They're just tattoos.
They don't mean anything.
Keep moving.
They are not fucking around here.
Yeah, honestly, I'm more concerned about what my girlfriend will do if I don't make it back in time for her birthday.
You have a girlfriend? As in a human you give a shit about? Yeah, and I'd rather not lose her this time.
We were a thing back in timeline 23, and I fucked it up.
You're telling me that you found another one of her in timeline 40? Yes.
And now that I know what she will and won't put up with, it's going so much better this time.
- That's sociopathic.
- Dude, we're refugees.
We deserve any and all advantages that come our way.
Yeah, like penthouse apartments? 'Cause I don't know any refugees that live like that.
You want that thing? You can have it.
It's way more trouble than it's worth.
Hey, crazy pitch what if we asked Stoppard for help here? Like the Stoppard in this timeline? Probably got burned at the stake.
Okay, but if he didn't, he has no beef with us.
We take the thing to him.
If anyone can fix it, he can.
There's so much terrible about that idea.
Okay, do you know another horomancer? No? Then let's go.
[SIGHS.]
Brothers and sisters, when things are lost, they want to be found Ms.
Ross's engagement ring, little Joey Mireles's dog That we will find the money to pay for Kiersten Bron's leukemia treatment.
- Tea? - Oh, no, thank you.
Um, do you know Reverend Ted Grayson? Yeah, he's my minister.
He's a little theatrical at times, but he's a good man.
- Why, are you religious? - Uh, not really.
You? No.
My mom was.
I was on probation when she passed, and the congregation was there for me, so I still go.
[SCOFFS.]
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Look, I'm not good at the whole back-and-forth thing, so I'm just going to say it.
I saw you.
I saw you find the lock box.
You followed me? How did you know where to dig? No idea what you're talking about.
How the hell did you just do that? Same way you found the box.
I'm a magician.
Like you.
You had no idea, did you? That it was real till you could do it.
You can talk to me.
To me, this doesn't even count as weird.
It just started a couple of months ago.
I, um I lost my keys, and then all of a sudden, I could just feel it in my head.
You're a quaeromancer.
It's really rare actually.
I-I've never met one and I went to a school full of people like us.
- Are you shitting me? - Nope.
They can do all kinds of things.
Most people don't figure out their thing until their 20s, but every now and then, somebody it takes them longer.
Have you told anyone? [SCOFFS.]
They would think I was nuts.
Honestly It's the best thing that ever happened to me.
Do you know what I mean? Well yes and no.
Sheila, I think you might be why I'm here.
[KNOCK AT DOOR.]
- Librarians.
- Librarians? They can't know I'm here.
Please don't tell them.
Thanks, but I'm not interested.
Sheila Cozener? I'm Paul, this is Laurel, and we'd like to talk to you about an opportunity.
One involving your newfound talents.
Sheila, I am telling you, you can't trust the Library.
Okay, I-I know that they told you they'd give you more magic if you signed up for a Library card, but they won't, okay? The Library card is just a way for them to keep tabs on you.
Alice, I get it.
You know, whatever run-in you had with them clearly traumatized you.
I don't know enough about any of this to be signing up for anything.
You said that you were in Modesto because of me.
Right? What if it's because you're supposed to teach me everything? No.
Knowing more isn't better.
How could it not? Because it's powerful and it can be really, really bad.
Okay, look, I'm a grown woman, you're a grown woman, we make choices.
Is there something I'm missing here? Okay, listen I did a lot of stupid shit when I was your age.
Yeah, so did I, and magic made it so much bigger and so much worse.
And if you regret it, if you think about those people that you hurt and all that time that you wasted every single day, then I know how you feel.
Look, I hear you.
I get it.
But it's what we make of it, right? And for me, it's it's like the first time that I can, you know, turn things around, maybe maybe do something good.
But I need you to help me do that.
Please! All right we are going to need to take this outside.
If you own the house, why do you smoke outside? I don't know it's my mother's rules, I guess.
Always seemed kind of wrong just breaking them 'cause she was gone.
Come on.
Okay.
Let's start with Popper 1.
Okay.
I'll make this simple.
We need your beets.
At a fair price, of course.
I doubt the island of Clitswell - Codswall.
- Codswall.
Anyway, I Do you even know where Codswall is? Of course.
It's one of the bigger smaller fingering islands.
- Fingerling.
- Exactly.
Fingerling.
Thank you, Your Majesty.
- For? - Confirming my suspicion that you've never had consideration for us.
This makes my decision to sell our beets to West Loria that much easier.
- Where the fuck is West Loria? - West of Loria, Your Majesty.
- But since when? - While you were Janet, King Idri and his sister, Ru, had a squabble/slight war.
- Like a civil war? - And as acting High King, I asked myself, "What would Margo or Eliot do?" - Support our ally, Idri.
- Unfortunately, he lost.
Now Queen Ru rules over West Loria.
And 'cause she's pissed we helped Idri, she wants all Lady Pike's fresh beets? Damn.
That's cold.
Verily, they don't even have - talking animals in West Loria.
- On problem at a time.
The Cumdumpsterson twat ALL: Codswall.
Oh, I know what I said.
I'm going to firebomb the shit out of her floating patch of dirt and take her beets.
Bada bing, bada fuck her.
Could we be a tad less incendiary? Agreed.
What would Eliot do? Eliot's not here, sweetie.
I am.
[MOUTHING WORDS.]
So just to ask this, can we really risk war with West Loria? Diplomacy was Eliot's thing, Josh.
Diplomacy is what got you elected.
I got elected because I listened to a drunk bear talk about his fee-fees.
- That's all diplomacy is! - It was an accident.
- [SCOFFS.]
- I don't know how to intentionally care about other people's shit.
Lucky for you, that's all I do.
Fine.
One shot, Hoberman.
[GRUNTS SOFTLY.]
Hi, we're looking for Stoppard.
Daniel, honey.
Come in before someone sees you.
Amazing.
I haven't seen anything like this since before the exclusion laws.
I have one of these! And it's missing a spoke like mine.
What are the odds? Anyway, this this one, it didn't come with a manual.
Do you have any ideas? Well, it's hard to explain, but I think Daniel, something's not Mom? Mom, what's wrong? Something something's wrong with the spells.
Hold on, I'll figure this out.
Quickly, while he's busy.
Found an outdated copy of Taussig's Primer and a VCR manual.
This place has shit for helpful books.
Well, at least it's standing.
I cannot believe a bunch of militant muggles beat me to burning down Brakebills.
- What's that? - Oh, it was Sonia's.
- You mean Stoppard's mother? - I mean Sonia Kikuno the genius who basically pioneered horomancy.
This is easily one of the most accidentally valuable things I've ever stolen.
Here, look.
Wasn't that in Stoppard's workshop? Yeah.
That screen opens a window in time.
You can FaceTime with the past as far back as 50 years.
It's genuinely genius.
Like, wow.
A lot of these spells use cinnabar.
Hasn't hasn't that stuff been banned for years? Yeah, it causes severe neuro-degeneration, which is probably what's happening with Sonia.
She's been hitting the cinnabar pretty hard for decades, I imagine.
So she has clockwork Alzheimer's? Mm, kind of, but so much worse.
Your brain gets unstuck in time.
You don't know where you are or when you are, and you can't control it.
It is good, good times, and then you die.
Yeah, but but it seemed like they had a-a treatment.
I mean, those weird watches she had on? Mm, yeah, until they got messed up by us.
[SIGHS.]
Must be what started all this.
I mean, back in timeline 40 it's why Stoppard hunted us down.
He's trying to save his mom.
Oh now I almost feel bad for him.
Feel bad for us.
Even if we get back to timeline 40, Stoppard is going to do anything he can to kick us out.
Unless we kill him.
For trying to save his mom? Moms die every day.
Circle of life.
Wow! No! We help him save her.
[SIGHS, GROANS.]
Am I just absorbing a fuck-ton of cinnabar right now? Yeah, and breathing it.
[SIGHS.]
Great.
Let's finish this and get the hell out of here.
[SIGHS.]
[SCREEN BUZZING.]
- Sonia? - Who are you? Friend's of Daniel, who's grown now.
Listen, we need to talk to you about that cinnabar that you're using.
It's Frying my brain into cheesecloth, I know.
Daniel used my designs to build the device you're using.
We talked a couple months ago.
If you were his friends, you'd know that.
He asked you to stop? Of course.
He also told me I'm about to have a breakthrough that creates a whole new discipline.
I can't stop now.
My work's too important.
Fair point.
So you're just going to pick your clock shit over your own kid? No, idiot.
I choose both.
I designed devices to counter the cinnabar, tether my mind right here with my work and my kid.
As long as I have these working for me, I'll be fine.
I intend to die a very old lady sharp as a tack.
Oh, fuck her.
It's not our fault.
She knew the consequences, and she still licked her paintbrushes.
We go back to 40, we're taking the kid's mom away.
- I'm not doing that.
- Well, I'm not losing my life because some horo-bitch is a shitty mom.
She's shitty so he should suffer? We're the ones who don't belong.
You know what? You do you.
I'm going back to 40 and my future wife.
Don't touch me! [MACHINE WHIRRING.]
[GASPS.]
Shit.
[SIGHS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Quick.
[EERIE MUSIC.]
- Anything? - Nothing yet.
Keep looking.
Quentin.
Whoopsies.
Are you drunk? This body hearts tequila when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm bored because everything is taking too long, meaning you.
Relevant story I was in a road, and I almost got hit by what do you call it a big fat truck.
But I wouldn't have felt anything at all because tequila is my friend.
Um, you know, great news we've made good progress finding that part of yours.
Um, you wouldn't still happen to have the paper I gave you? Oh, I misplaced it.
Do you know anything about an Egyptian god of yellow fruit? I'm not at all helpful like this, am I? What do you think? You seem stressed by your vast and obvious limitations.
[SCOFFS.]
Why don't we just ask someone who was there? [RUMBLING.]
[WHEEZING.]
You know, for having such desiccated hands, his Hieratic script's amazing.
[MUMBLING LOUDLY.]
What did he say? Cut our poor mummy friend some slack, Hoo-lia.
He took a hook to the brain.
Of course he's got a bit of a speech impediment.
Oh, uh, the yellow fruit.
It's a mandrake root, and we are looking for Heka, the God of Magic and Medicine.
It looks like he's got one of your stones.
Let's go kill him.
He's already dead.
Looks like he was buried in the Temple of, uh Esna? Uh, which was looted shortly after.
And where is it now? My loot? [MUMBLES.]
Yes, this is very disappointing.
Figure this out before I get mad.
This body craves a cinnamon churro.
[WHOOSHING.]
Bye.
[GROANS, MUMBLES.]
Ah.
Ah.
- We can take a break.
- No, no, it's okay.
I want to keep going.
It bothers you, doesn't it? That I'm so into this? It just worries me.
For you, magic you think it just can fix everything, but it kind of has a way of breaking things.
Sometimes I feel like everything that's gone wrong in my life is 'cause of it.
Yeah, I used to say the same about alcohol, about drugs, about money, but none of that's really good or bad.
It just is.
It's how you handle it, really.
Uh, don't drink that.
The tap's got lead in it.
You got to drink the bottled water out of the fridge.
- Why is there lead in the tap? - City's pipes.
They're old and corroded.
Why don't they just fix it? That's cute that you think they would.
Asekian's Purification.
I can show you.
It's simple.
Can you do that for the rest of the water supply? No, or better yet, is there a spell that would restore - all the old pipes in Modesto? - There is, but Okay, well, then do that.
Do it, please, because you have no idea how many people how many kids are I No, it's too big.
We can't do it.
There's not enough ambient magic.
The Library it doles out the rest? Wait.
You said that they control the levels of ambient magic that flow through the pipes, right? Yeah? I can feel one.
They're everywhere.
No, no, no, no, no.
I think this one's different.
This one has a leak.
[OVER RADIO TRANSMITTER.]
This isn't just food, Margo.
This is your secret weapon.
You can tell a lot about people based on what they eat.
- Everything looks lovely.
- Thank you.
- Our chef is very - Talented.
Extra.
I'll take that as a compliment.
Like I was saying, is she reserved, adventurous? Maybe she's sexy and decadent like a truffle lobster mac and cheese.
Oh, interesting.
Mongoose cream egg with caviar.
She's bold.
Proud of her accomplishments, but being so driven has led her to be lonely, misunderstood.
- Mm.
- Uh, Tick said something about Codswall's polite alpacas.
Maybe she's proud of that.
Ask.
I hear Codswall has upstanding alpacas.
It is a misconception that alpacas have behavioral issues.
The truth is, they have a lack of self-esteem from years of shearing.
Imagine being stripped naked twice, even three times a year.
There it is.
She's real into her 'pacas.
- Empathize with her.
- The indignity is real.
Like humans, alpacas need affection - and love.
- Preach.
You may not know this, but I ran on a platform of animal equality.
My administration is the first to give talking animals their rightful voice.
I mean, that is why we're here tonight, right? The animals.
I just care so damn much.
I like to drink my tea with a splash of alpaca milk.
Would you like some? Uh, you can't refuse this, Margo.
It's straight from my dearest Delilah's teat.
Uh-huh.
Do it, Margo.
Now! Yeah, good.
You are a champion.
You can really taste the love.
What a beautiful way to say it.
I'm afraid I may have judged Your Majesty too quickly.
Same which is why I would love it if we could start fresh.
Your beets Unfortunately, I have already agreed to sell my beets to West Loria, and being a woman of my word, I can't go back.
You understand, right? I'm going to check on dessert.
I'm about to skin a bitch.
I want you to double down on the charm offense.
You got her eating out of your extra-diplomatic hands right now.
I guess I could lube her up some more about her alpacas.
Yes, exactly you, High King Margo Fucking Hanson, you got this.
I know you didn't think you could do this, but, honestly, I think you're out-Elioting Eliot.
[BELL DINGS.]
Ah, strawberry ricotta soufflé is done.
I'm gonna get that.
You get back to winning at High King-in'.
- Margo, what are you doing? - Being the real me.
Let me tell you how this is going to play out, lady.
You're going to give me those beets, and I'm not going to skin and eat any of your tasty alpaca children, capisce? That's what I thought.
[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY.]
[EERIE MUSIC.]
What in the hell? Hi.
I can't begin to imagine how you fucked yourself hard enough to get here, but [SIGHS.]
Let's take advantage.
Interesting choice on the hair.
Says the guy dressed like an ambulance chaser.
- So you're dead me.
- Technically.
Does this mean I'm dead, too? No, no, this is a-a, uh, kind of between space? I saw you zapped yourself here like an idiot, and I took a coffee break.
I mean, I've been wanting to talk to you.
So then I assume you know that I took your You took my spot in my timeline? Yeah.
Didn't expect that twist with Julia, though.
Yeah, I could say the same about Kady.
For what it's worth, it never felt right taking your place.
- But, you know - Everything feels wrong, so you just pick something? Yeah, of course I do.
Real talk You got to go back.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
To 23, I know, I'm working on it.
Uh, no.
My timeline.
It's where you belong.
Okay, do you want to cut the vague, omniscient Librarian shit and just tell me why? It's complicated but crucial.
You do know me existing there is making some very important horomancer lady very sick? It's doing a lot more than that.
Look, I know you lost everyone you love in timeline 23 Really? But they're still alive in timeline 40, and if I were you, which I am, I'd do whatever to not lose them again.
Okay, you might be me, but you don't know me, okay? Those shits are not my people.
Fair, but I know a little about your future.
Perks of the gig.
So is being an abstruse dick about it, apparently.
Sonia can't be saved.
Even if you go back to 23, she's dead within a month.
It's terminal.
Period.
Sounds like something I'd say to make myself feel like less of an ass.
Bigger things at play than your guilt, buddy.
You got to go back.
Sorry.
That's as specific as I can be.
Sorry? Are you? Dude, I just jumped you clear over 1,000 miles of bullshit.
So I'm sorry if it feels bad in your soft little heart, but, more importantly, you're welcome.
Kady wants you.
They all want you.
It's not my timeline anymore.
It's yours.
So, you remember that when the moment comes, I said, "Do it.
" Do what he says, okay? No, not okay.
Vague as shit.
[COIN RATTLES.]
To go back to 40, you're gonna want to turn this dial three clicks to the right.
Tell Kady I love her and I'm sorry.
[MACHINE WHIRRING.]
Well, thank Christ.
I thought you pissed off without me.
- Where'd you go? - It was, uh I honestly don't know how to explain it.
But I know what we got to do now.
It's here.
[EERIE MUSIC.]
Oh, God.
You were right there's a crack.
I think it could split the pipe open and let more ambient out.
Here.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Once you pour it down the drain, it should clean the water and clear the corrosion from the pipes.
[SIGHS.]
- Did I do something wrong? - Huh? No, I just I can't remember the last time that magic wasn't the problem.
This calls for a drink.
[LAUGHS.]
Thank you.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Look, we'll find the stone.
It'll be [CLATTER.]
What are you doing? Stop.
Jesus.
Those pills can kill you.
I'll take a new body.
I'm bored.
You kill Eliot and you can forget about us helping you.
Eliot, Eliot, Eliot.
Why do you care about him so much? Because I do.
You kill him, and we are done.
I swear to God, I am serious.
I will abandon you, and I will die trying to burn you to the ground.
That's cute.
But I'm strong And you're weak.
Break my bones and strangle me.
[CHOKING.]
Too tired to care anymore.
Q.
You hurt him, you take one more pill, and you can build your body on your own.
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
[GROWLING SOFTLY.]
Fine.
I'll take better care of the meat suit.
Mm, but you don't have to be such a baby about it.
Hey, what happened with the game plan? Margo, are you okay? You stupid, stupid prick.
How dare you say I out-Elioted Eliot? Tell me, hmm? Why would I ever want to do anything without him? Hey, uh, I'm sorry.
I-I should have known how you were feeling.
Why? Because I like fettuccini and I hate rosé, you think you know me? You don't, Hoberman.
Because if you did, you would know I don't need a new partner in crime.
That's not I was just trying to help you.
Bullshit.
Now, I may be a cunt, but I am real.
You? You're just a brown-nose sweater boy desperate to matter at all to anyone.
Wow.
[SCOFFS.]
And here I thought I was being a friend who wants to be your boyfriend.
I really, really got to work on the signals.
- Josh, I didn't - Didn't mean to hurt me? Yes, you did.
Believe it or not, I know exactly who you are, Margo.
[FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING RAPIDLY.]
[MACHINE WHIRRING.]
Took you long enough.
I nearly gave up on you making it back.
Yeah, well, magic was a little scare in your timeline, so it took a minute to rebuild.
- Where's Marina? - With her girlfriend.
Listen, kid, we know you're trying to look out for your mom.
We get it.
You saying you'll leave? Bigger things at play here.
Sorry, man.
I'm not going anywhere.
- Is that - Yeah.
- It's from another timeline.
- Please.
Don't blow on it.
If you blow on it It'll spread seeds everywhere, root itself in this timeline making it impossible for you to clean? I know, which is why I scattered about ten of them an hour ago.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
I'm sorry.
Hey! What are you waiting for? It's clean! It got fixed! I'm serious! Come on, don't waste it! [CHILDREN LAUGHING.]
Whoo! You can go on ahead if you want to.
I'll I'll meet you back at the house.
You sure? Yeah, I'm gonna stick around a little while.
All right, I'll see you later.
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES.]
[DOOR BELLS JINGLE.]
- Thanks for calling me.
- I knew you'd want to know.
- I owe you.
- Nah.
This is for all of us.
Sheila Cozener? You've been a busy girl.
[CHILDREN LAUGHING.]
[CHUCKLES.]