Will and Grace s04e06 Episode Script
Rules of Engagement
What are you doing? Shh! We are trying to listen to Grace and Nathan have sex! It's kinda difficult with you yammering on Rude! - Outta there! Go on! Beat it! - Ooh! / Ooh! I like that What's the matter with you? You can't spy on people when they're mating This isn't Animal Planet God! You people are so unethical! - You're the one who's unethical, Will - Oh, I'm unethical Thank you At least you admit it I'm not admitting it I'm being incredulous Isn't that just another word for unethical? Look, spying on Grace and Nathan while they're in flagranteheterosis That's unethical It's like lying or stealing It's like wearing a brown belt with black shoes - Now you've gone too far!- I resent that! Listen, there is nothing wrong with us listening to Nathan and Grace have sex It's a victimless crime It's like tax evasion or public indecency Yeah, or like when a bartender doesn't notice his tip you can slide it in front of you and leave it as your own Oh, great example, honey! You are so quick! Lightning! Whhssshh! That's a terrible example! Ooh.
I think somebody's just mad because somebody didn't think of it first What am I doing? I'd have better luck explaining ethics to Angelina and Billy Bob Hey! Grace would agree with us Let's go in and ask her You're not going in there! Oh, why not? It's not like there's anything that interesting going on - Get out! Go on, beat it! - Ooh! / Hey! Hey! - Sweetie! - Oh, baby! Oh, Grace! Marry me! What? Will & Grace Rules of Engagement ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 Ŭ·´ Will & Grace ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Will & Grace Season 4 Grace.
Grace, wait I cannot believe that you just did that Do you have any idea how inappropriate that was? Grace, it's supposed to be inappropriate That's why they call it "sex.
" What's--what's going on? - I asked Grace to marry me - You-- Oh, my god! Oh, tell us everything! How did he do it? Did he get down on one knee? Stop.
Stop No one is marrying anyone She's just a little thrown 'cause I asked her while we were having sex Tell us everything! How did she do it? Did she get down on one knee? Ok, out! Out! Everyone out! Go to your own apartment, please We'll have have little privacy Ha.
Jeez Those guys It's like they don't have their own lives - Get out! - All right! I can't believe you did thatlike that while we were doing that Why? Was it not a happy time for both of us? It was a happy time for you It was on the way to a happy time for me Just blurting it out like that I mean, did you even mean it? Sure Why not? That's not an answer That's what you say to the free sample lady when she asks "do you wanna try bacon in a tube?" Come on, Grace Sue a guy for being spontaneous Nathan, there is a difference between being spontaneous and turning a marriage proposal into a Penthouse letter I don't even know what that means Ok, I do know what that means but rest assured, I would never use your real name Look, it's just not how I ever imagined being proposed to, ok? I'm supposed to be holding a bouquet of wildflowers not my own ankles! Ok.
I get it I'm sorry.
I Just we've never been big on proposals in my family When my dad asked my mom it wasn't so much "Will you marry me," as "Well, I guess now we gotta get married.
" Anyway, now that it's out there huh huh you wanna? I'm not ready to answer that question - So no - No - No.
Yes? - Yes - Not now? - No.
Yes! - No? - No.
Yes.
I don't know! Just take it back Could you just take the question off the table? Fine I take it back Thank you We'll just pretend like it never happened I understand So it's off the table Right Never happened - What never happened? - The proposal! Look, we haven't been talking much, so, uh No, no, no, no, no We're not gonna talk about that Talk about what? The thing we said we weren't gonna talk about I wasn't gonna talk about that Oh what were you gonna talk about? I lied I was gonna talk about that - But now I won't - Good 'Cause there are plenty of other things for us to talk about Ugh I just had another uncomfortable evening with Nathan It's just-- It's horrible I mean, ever since he proposed there's been nothing but weirdness but he should not have asked me like that, right?! No/ No/ Of course not! The fact is, there's a right way and a wrong way to propose to someone and that was the wrong way I did the right thing Totally/ Of course you did!/ Totally Oh, my God, I did the wrong thing Totally/ Of course you did!/ Totally I have made a complete mess out of a really great thing! What am I gonna do? - I don't know - What should she do? Come on, give me something! I need some help here! Will, what should I do? Grace, what if he asked you the right way? What? What if he had asked you the right way Would you have said yes? I don't know I I I think I would have Whoa So that's great Yeah, it is No, it's not! I made him take it off the table Now he's never gonna ask me again - So, ask him - No, no.
No That's not the way it's supposed to happen I want him to ask me Grace, in the real world women ask men all the time Rhoda asked Joe (70³â´ë ÈÄ¹Ý ¹Ì±¹ µå ó¸ "Rhoda"ÀÇ µÎ ÁÖÀΰø) - No, she didn't - Yes, she did She kept waiting for him to pop the question and when he finally did, it was "Do you wanna live together?" So she looked him right in the eye and said "Ok, Joe.
I wanna be married.
" Wow.
You will use any excuse to do a Rhoda impression Grace, you love him You wanna marry him So ask him You're right I should.
I will! I'm gonna ask him I mean, it makes total sense I was the one who was gonna end up paying for the ring anyway - Oh, my God! This is so exciting! - I know! I gotta call my sister Brenda and tell her the news (Brenda ¿ª½Ã "Rhoda"¿¡¼ ³ª¿Â Àι°) No, no, no, mom I'm just saying I wanna make sure you and dad are gonna be home tonight 'cause I may call later with some big news Ok, how does your mind go to colitis? Ok, just stay home Ok.
Ok, bye Whoo! The market was just nuts! All these people yelling at me holding up their little numbers "It's not your turn! I been standing here an hour!" I am sorry, but homo don't play that Is Nathan here yet? No, no.
Will took him out for a drink to give me more time to get ready Sohow do I look? Would you say yes if I asked you to marry me? Pretend you're straight Grace, I cannot pretend I'm straight I did that all through preschool I'm not about to go back But you look beautiful - Thank you - What about the hair? - What? What about the hair? - No, mine - Beautiful - Thank you.
I know Hey, good job! Great, perfect proposal food.
Non-breathy, non-chewy, non-gassy! Hey, any change? Lots But I went ahead and bought myself a little something special You like? "Kiss the cook.
" What? Cook?! That's an "O"?! That doesn't make any sense! (Kiss the CockÀ¸·Î ¿ÀÇØÇÔ, Cock : ³²¼º ¼º±â) Who goes on a date hoping somebody will kiss their cook? Just a minute! Hurry up! I'm in a bad neighborhood and I just used the last of my pepper spray on a pushy Jehovah's witness! Oh, honey, I'm so excited for you Are you nervous? - A little.
Are you loaded? - A little Hey, poodle Hey! Isn't this exciting? Grace is gonna ask a boy to marry her Oh, you never forget your first marriage It's the most important one, you know It's when you establish your quote Oh, before I forget, I, uh just wanted to give you a little extra sparkle Yeah.
I had to Heimlich it out of Rosario's stomach right before I came over here Turn around Ohmy God! I'm-- I'm speechless! I don't know what to say! I'd say something if I weren't so speechless but I'm speechless and so I don't know what to say! Oh, zip it! It's a loan! Now listen to me You got 250 on each ear a cold seven on the chest It would take you your mom, and your grandma an entire lifetime of turning tricks at the Plaza to get even halfway there - You lose even one, and you're dead! - Karen, you are so sweet Oh, Jackie! I didn't forget about you Here's a little something shiny for you to play with for an hour.
Whee! A beautiful broach and an hour to play with it? What more could a man want?! Wow Whoever said money can't buy you happiness never had this mother around their neck Aww, look at you My little girl's gonna get married - Karen, what's wrong? - Nothing - Are you-- - Mm! - Is that-- - Oh, pfft! - You're crying! - You're crazy! Now get back to your desk! We've got a lot of work to do! When you told me we were going to a bar called The Tight End I just assumed you were talking about a sports bar So it's a gay bar What's the big deal? It's no different than the bars you go to Coming through! Who ordered the penis colossus, hmm? They're actually delicious So how are you doing? How are you and Grace? You ok? I don't know Things have gotten kind of funky since I asked her to marry me It's like there's this big, ugly thing hanging over everything we do.
You used to be that thing I miss those days, buddy Yeah good times Hey, sweetheart this just came from that slice of heaven and hell at the corner table over there for you Mmm What? You're not gonna accept that, are you? Why not? He doesn't know we're not together How rude! Well, what do you want me to do? I want you to put your arm around me and give him a dirty look All right "WE'RE NOT TOGETHER" Oh, my god! I'm so sorry I didn't mean to do that Don't worry about it I'm a nervous wreck I'm about to ask my boyfriend to marry me Oh, yeah? Congratulations! Wait Can you do that? Yeah.
We can do that Of course we can do that - We can do that, right? - In Holland In Holland Oh, my God There he is Wish me luck? Oh.
Good luck Oh, so sweet A diamond engagement ring Actually, that's a little too traditional for me He's just an old-fashioned gay guy popping the question at a bar named after a man's rear There's something almost Victorian about it You see, Will, that's the way it's supposed to go That shoulda been me Well, if your mother had been more clingy and had no boundaries, it might have been You know what I mean That was the real thing That was so romantic It was so easy That's what I want You know I gotta go talk to Grace Oh? Oh! Uh, ok Uh, let's go Ok, Nathan's right behind me What's wrong? I can't do it, Will I cannot ask Nathan to marry me I can't! Call me a sham Call me a fraud but I'm a girl I'm a pretty girl and I don't wanna! - You don't have to - What? I just spent an hour with Nathan at The Tight End Oh, God, if you're gonna tell me he's gay I'm gonna have a freakin' heart attack! Relax He's gonna ask you What? Yeah.
He just got a little freaked out when you shot him down the first time but he's gonna ask you again Are you-- Are you sure about this? We took it off the table So let him know it's back on Drop a few hints You know how to do that Ok.
Ok.
I can do this No big deal Will, I'm about to get engaged Again! - Why? - Sorry - Oh, my God! - This is so exciting! Oh, Mar, we've been through so much together Get outta here! Bye! Hey.
Wow - Hi - Look at you And the place Whoa What's goin' on? Uhnothing Nothing, I just-- I just thought it'd be nice to have a special dinner with my honey Oh.
Great You got any wine? I do Well, that's great Why don't you pour me a glass? Ok.
Sit here Um I--I actually need your help with something Next week, um I'm having a dinner party and I need help figuring out the seating It's gonna be you, me Will, and our friend Mary How do you think we should sit? Ok, how 'bout, uh Me, you, Will, Mary? Uh Well, you know I--I'd kinda like to sit next to Will Ok.
How 'bout Will, you, me, Mary? No, no.
Um Keep the "Will" and the "you" part but make sure that Mary and me stay together Ok.
Will, me, Mary, you Switch me and you Will, you, Mary, me(will you marry me?) Yes! Yes, I will! Yes! Yes! Ok, Say it again! Say it again! What the hell is the matter with you? You were supposed to be-- Aw, hell! Will you marry me?! What? I g--I guess I just-- I think I just had this idea that this was all supposed to go a certain way or that maybe we weren't ready but what I realized is that the part of me that's been telling me those things is the exact part that you make me feel like I don't want to listen to anymore You know? Anyway You are so not the person I thought I was gonna end up with And this is so not how I thought this was gonna happen But here you are And here I am And marry meok? Let's get married! Ha ha ha! What? Look, Grace, you are incredible, and I love you I Just.
Shouldn't this be a lot easier? I mean, if it's meant to be does it matter how or where I ask you? But I-- Ha ha! I asked you now.
It's-- Yeah, but it's too hard, Grace I don't think it should be this hard II don't want it to be this hard Wait a minute Are-- Are you breaking up with me?
I think somebody's just mad because somebody didn't think of it first What am I doing? I'd have better luck explaining ethics to Angelina and Billy Bob Hey! Grace would agree with us Let's go in and ask her You're not going in there! Oh, why not? It's not like there's anything that interesting going on - Get out! Go on, beat it! - Ooh! / Hey! Hey! - Sweetie! - Oh, baby! Oh, Grace! Marry me! What? Will & Grace Rules of Engagement ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 Ŭ·´ Will & Grace ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Will & Grace Season 4 Grace.
Grace, wait I cannot believe that you just did that Do you have any idea how inappropriate that was? Grace, it's supposed to be inappropriate That's why they call it "sex.
" What's--what's going on? - I asked Grace to marry me - You-- Oh, my god! Oh, tell us everything! How did he do it? Did he get down on one knee? Stop.
Stop No one is marrying anyone She's just a little thrown 'cause I asked her while we were having sex Tell us everything! How did she do it? Did she get down on one knee? Ok, out! Out! Everyone out! Go to your own apartment, please We'll have have little privacy Ha.
Jeez Those guys It's like they don't have their own lives - Get out! - All right! I can't believe you did thatlike that while we were doing that Why? Was it not a happy time for both of us? It was a happy time for you It was on the way to a happy time for me Just blurting it out like that I mean, did you even mean it? Sure Why not? That's not an answer That's what you say to the free sample lady when she asks "do you wanna try bacon in a tube?" Come on, Grace Sue a guy for being spontaneous Nathan, there is a difference between being spontaneous and turning a marriage proposal into a Penthouse letter I don't even know what that means Ok, I do know what that means but rest assured, I would never use your real name Look, it's just not how I ever imagined being proposed to, ok? I'm supposed to be holding a bouquet of wildflowers not my own ankles! Ok.
I get it I'm sorry.
I Just we've never been big on proposals in my family When my dad asked my mom it wasn't so much "Will you marry me," as "Well, I guess now we gotta get married.
" Anyway, now that it's out there huh huh you wanna? I'm not ready to answer that question - So no - No - No.
Yes? - Yes - Not now? - No.
Yes! - No? - No.
Yes.
I don't know! Just take it back Could you just take the question off the table? Fine I take it back Thank you We'll just pretend like it never happened I understand So it's off the table Right Never happened - What never happened? - The proposal! Look, we haven't been talking much, so, uh No, no, no, no, no We're not gonna talk about that Talk about what? The thing we said we weren't gonna talk about I wasn't gonna talk about that Oh what were you gonna talk about? I lied I was gonna talk about that - But now I won't - Good 'Cause there are plenty of other things for us to talk about Ugh I just had another uncomfortable evening with Nathan It's just-- It's horrible I mean, ever since he proposed there's been nothing but weirdness but he should not have asked me like that, right?! No/ No/ Of course not! The fact is, there's a right way and a wrong way to propose to someone and that was the wrong way I did the right thing Totally/ Of course you did!/ Totally Oh, my God, I did the wrong thing Totally/ Of course you did!/ Totally I have made a complete mess out of a really great thing! What am I gonna do? - I don't know - What should she do? Come on, give me something! I need some help here! Will, what should I do? Grace, what if he asked you the right way? What? What if he had asked you the right way Would you have said yes? I don't know I I I think I would have Whoa So that's great Yeah, it is No, it's not! I made him take it off the table Now he's never gonna ask me again - So, ask him - No, no.
No That's not the way it's supposed to happen I want him to ask me Grace, in the real world women ask men all the time Rhoda asked Joe (70³â´ë ÈÄ¹Ý ¹Ì±¹ µå ó¸ "Rhoda"ÀÇ µÎ ÁÖÀΰø) - No, she didn't - Yes, she did She kept waiting for him to pop the question and when he finally did, it was "Do you wanna live together?" So she looked him right in the eye and said "Ok, Joe.
I wanna be married.
" Wow.
You will use any excuse to do a Rhoda impression Grace, you love him You wanna marry him So ask him You're right I should.
I will! I'm gonna ask him I mean, it makes total sense I was the one who was gonna end up paying for the ring anyway - Oh, my God! This is so exciting! - I know! I gotta call my sister Brenda and tell her the news (Brenda ¿ª½Ã "Rhoda"¿¡¼ ³ª¿Â Àι°) No, no, no, mom I'm just saying I wanna make sure you and dad are gonna be home tonight 'cause I may call later with some big news Ok, how does your mind go to colitis? Ok, just stay home Ok.
Ok, bye Whoo! The market was just nuts! All these people yelling at me holding up their little numbers "It's not your turn! I been standing here an hour!" I am sorry, but homo don't play that Is Nathan here yet? No, no.
Will took him out for a drink to give me more time to get ready Sohow do I look? Would you say yes if I asked you to marry me? Pretend you're straight Grace, I cannot pretend I'm straight I did that all through preschool I'm not about to go back But you look beautiful - Thank you - What about the hair? - What? What about the hair? - No, mine - Beautiful - Thank you.
I know Hey, good job! Great, perfect proposal food.
Non-breathy, non-chewy, non-gassy! Hey, any change? Lots But I went ahead and bought myself a little something special You like? "Kiss the cook.
" What? Cook?! That's an "O"?! That doesn't make any sense! (Kiss the CockÀ¸·Î ¿ÀÇØÇÔ, Cock : ³²¼º ¼º±â) Who goes on a date hoping somebody will kiss their cook? Just a minute! Hurry up! I'm in a bad neighborhood and I just used the last of my pepper spray on a pushy Jehovah's witness! Oh, honey, I'm so excited for you Are you nervous? - A little.
Are you loaded? - A little Hey, poodle Hey! Isn't this exciting? Grace is gonna ask a boy to marry her Oh, you never forget your first marriage It's the most important one, you know It's when you establish your quote Oh, before I forget, I, uh just wanted to give you a little extra sparkle Yeah.
I had to Heimlich it out of Rosario's stomach right before I came over here Turn around Ohmy God! I'm-- I'm speechless! I don't know what to say! I'd say something if I weren't so speechless but I'm speechless and so I don't know what to say! Oh, zip it! It's a loan! Now listen to me You got 250 on each ear a cold seven on the chest It would take you your mom, and your grandma an entire lifetime of turning tricks at the Plaza to get even halfway there - You lose even one, and you're dead! - Karen, you are so sweet Oh, Jackie! I didn't forget about you Here's a little something shiny for you to play with for an hour.
Whee! A beautiful broach and an hour to play with it? What more could a man want?! Wow Whoever said money can't buy you happiness never had this mother around their neck Aww, look at you My little girl's gonna get married - Karen, what's wrong? - Nothing - Are you-- - Mm! - Is that-- - Oh, pfft! - You're crying! - You're crazy! Now get back to your desk! We've got a lot of work to do! When you told me we were going to a bar called The Tight End I just assumed you were talking about a sports bar So it's a gay bar What's the big deal? It's no different than the bars you go to Coming through! Who ordered the penis colossus, hmm? They're actually delicious So how are you doing? How are you and Grace? You ok? I don't know Things have gotten kind of funky since I asked her to marry me It's like there's this big, ugly thing hanging over everything we do.
You used to be that thing I miss those days, buddy Yeah good times Hey, sweetheart this just came from that slice of heaven and hell at the corner table over there for you Mmm What? You're not gonna accept that, are you? Why not? He doesn't know we're not together How rude! Well, what do you want me to do? I want you to put your arm around me and give him a dirty look All right "WE'RE NOT TOGETHER" Oh, my god! I'm so sorry I didn't mean to do that Don't worry about it I'm a nervous wreck I'm about to ask my boyfriend to marry me Oh, yeah? Congratulations! Wait Can you do that? Yeah.
We can do that Of course we can do that - We can do that, right? - In Holland In Holland Oh, my God There he is Wish me luck? Oh.
Good luck Oh, so sweet A diamond engagement ring Actually, that's a little too traditional for me He's just an old-fashioned gay guy popping the question at a bar named after a man's rear There's something almost Victorian about it You see, Will, that's the way it's supposed to go That shoulda been me Well, if your mother had been more clingy and had no boundaries, it might have been You know what I mean That was the real thing That was so romantic It was so easy That's what I want You know I gotta go talk to Grace Oh? Oh! Uh, ok Uh, let's go Ok, Nathan's right behind me What's wrong? I can't do it, Will I cannot ask Nathan to marry me I can't! Call me a sham Call me a fraud but I'm a girl I'm a pretty girl and I don't wanna! - You don't have to - What? I just spent an hour with Nathan at The Tight End Oh, God, if you're gonna tell me he's gay I'm gonna have a freakin' heart attack! Relax He's gonna ask you What? Yeah.
He just got a little freaked out when you shot him down the first time but he's gonna ask you again Are you-- Are you sure about this? We took it off the table So let him know it's back on Drop a few hints You know how to do that Ok.
Ok.
I can do this No big deal Will, I'm about to get engaged Again! - Why? - Sorry - Oh, my God! - This is so exciting! Oh, Mar, we've been through so much together Get outta here! Bye! Hey.
Wow - Hi - Look at you And the place Whoa What's goin' on? Uhnothing Nothing, I just-- I just thought it'd be nice to have a special dinner with my honey Oh.
Great You got any wine? I do Well, that's great Why don't you pour me a glass? Ok.
Sit here Um I--I actually need your help with something Next week, um I'm having a dinner party and I need help figuring out the seating It's gonna be you, me Will, and our friend Mary How do you think we should sit? Ok, how 'bout, uh Me, you, Will, Mary? Uh Well, you know I--I'd kinda like to sit next to Will Ok.
How 'bout Will, you, me, Mary? No, no.
Um Keep the "Will" and the "you" part but make sure that Mary and me stay together Ok.
Will, me, Mary, you Switch me and you Will, you, Mary, me(will you marry me?) Yes! Yes, I will! Yes! Yes! Ok, Say it again! Say it again! What the hell is the matter with you? You were supposed to be-- Aw, hell! Will you marry me?! What? I g--I guess I just-- I think I just had this idea that this was all supposed to go a certain way or that maybe we weren't ready but what I realized is that the part of me that's been telling me those things is the exact part that you make me feel like I don't want to listen to anymore You know? Anyway You are so not the person I thought I was gonna end up with And this is so not how I thought this was gonna happen But here you are And here I am And marry meok? Let's get married! Ha ha ha! What? Look, Grace, you are incredible, and I love you I Just.
Shouldn't this be a lot easier? I mean, if it's meant to be does it matter how or where I ask you? But I-- Ha ha! I asked you now.
It's-- Yeah, but it's too hard, Grace I don't think it should be this hard II don't want it to be this hard Wait a minute Are-- Are you breaking up with me?
I can't hear a thing What are you doing? - Shh! - Rude! Get away from there! What's the matter with you people? Am I the only one around here that knows the difference between right and wrong? Hey! Hey! Nathan, congratulations-- What-- What happened? N-Nathan-- Oh, sweetie.