All Hail King Julien (2014) s04e07 Episode Script

1 - [Mort chuckles.]
- [growls.]
- [Mort.]
I'm okay! - [laughs.]
[theme song playing.]
Party - # Who's the king? # - # King Julien! # - # Who's the king? # - # King Julien! # Get down for the get down - # Everybody party with King who? # - # King Julien! # - # King who? # - # King Julien! # Tonight will be forever Let's do King Julien style Woof! Whoa, oh, whoa, oh Y'all tell me who's the king Whoa, oh, whoa, oh All hail King Julien! [lightning crackles.]
[sneezing, choking, groaning.]
- What's wrong with him, Doc? - [organ music playing.]
Can you fix him? Can you? What is all of that noise? I'm practicing! Nurse Phantom, I said after dinner.
[Julien sneezing.]
Man, so many noises! [groaning, grunting.]
Oh, yes, of course.
It's so obvious.
What? What's so obvious? That I really should have finished Strike that.
Gone to medical school instead of being home-schooled [screams.]
in a cave! - [playing keyboard.]
- [slurps.]
I'm going to have to run some tests that I don't understand.
Mr.
King Julien will need to remain in my cave for a few days.
But I can't stay here.
[sneezes.]
The lady [sneezes.]
for the Best Kingdom in Madagascar competition is coming soon.
And the trophy [laughing exultantly.]
I need it.
I I mean, my peoples need it.
You're too sick, Your Majesty.
I'm sorry, Your Majesty, the kingdom can't win without a king.
You're just gonna have to let it go.
But, you know, I suppose, one of us, you know, me, could rule in your place for a day, - uh, if I had to.
- [Julien.]
No! [sneezes.]
I need you both by my side.
You guys are my family.
- Also, I might need some of your organs.
- [exclaims quizzically.]
If you're donating organs, mark me down for a spleen.
We'll just use my stand-in until I'm all better.
Uh, what's his name again? Soy Sauce? Oh, you mean Magic Steve.
Umm [chomping.]
[burps.]
Ugh! Fine.
Look, according to the law I am coming up with as I speak, if the king is unable to fulfilleth his duties, a temporary replacement can be found until such time the king returneth to a good state of health, blah, blah, blah, bing, bang, boom.
It's part of the system [sneezes.]
- [plays keyboard.]
- Is that legal? He's the king.
And it can't be too hard to find a stand-in for a few days.
Uh, where'd everybody go? [funky music playing.]
[indistinct chatter.]
Oh, yeah! We're on a bamboo raft, y'all! Y2K! We're seriously invincible! [retching.]
I'm sorry, Your Majesty, there must have been a scheduling mishap with the cruise line.
[retching.]
[sneezes.]
We need that trophy.
Find whatever lemur didn't end up on that party cruise and make them king.
[sneezes.]
Whee! I'm King Julien! Whee! - [chuckling.]
- [female lemur.]
Ahem.
Eh.
Whee.
I'm the king! Whee! [chuckles.]
Hmm? Hi, who are you? I'm the judge.
From the awards committee.
- Oh, the trophy! - Pam Simonsworthington.
- Huh? [gasps.]
- And you are I'm King Julien.
- Your boo-tay looks smaller in person.
- [groaning.]
Oh, yeah, I suppose I've shaved a few pounds lately.
Diet, exercise, got a new razor.
[grunts.]
Mmm.
Uh, you want a tour of my kingdom? Hmm? [Julien screaming, sneezing.]
[Julien continues screaming.]
Don't worry, Clover.
Everything's gonna be fine.
I hope.
- Maurice, Clover, - [both shriek.]
I'm afraid I have [slurps.]
terrible news.
- Oh, no! - What is it? We're out of pierogies.
[gasps, groans.]
[slurps.]
There is, however, a frozen lemon in the freezer, which would make a fun Popsicle.
[slurps.]
I'm not sure if you guys are more in the mood for dinner or dessert, though.
[slurps.]
I'm so sorry.
[slurps.]
What about King Julien? How is he? The cockatoo in exam room two? No! The king! - Oh, King Julien.
I'll go check.
- [growling.]
[wind blowing.]
Why is your kingdom so empty? Is it? [chuckles.]
I spend so much time in my own world, I hardly notice.
But we got plenty of stuff.
- You wanna see? - Saw it, seems great.
Now, I wanna know more about you, King Julien.
Wow.
Nobody's ever asked me that before, except when I'm under investigation.
Let me show you a day in the life of me.
[grunts.]
That one there is a picture of a foot that has feet for toes.
Mmm.
Oh, feet-toes.
[chuckling, kissing.]
Was there a lot of inbreeding in your family? I think I'm my own grandpa.
Does that count? You know the best part of my toenail collection? This.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, give it to baby.
Oh.
I don't believe I've ever met anyone quite like you, King Julien.
[lively music playing.]
[indistinct chatter.]
It's ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hot jungle nights, people! Turn up the heat! So, Tammy, you and Butterfish Umm, is that like a done deal or what? I'm gonna get what's mine, y'all.
[chuckles, screams.]
[groans.]
That's on me.
My bad.
[chuckles.]
I guess I need to cut down on the chimichangas, man.
[chuckles.]
They good.
[Murasaki.]
Oh, boy.
Not good.
This stillness at sea can only mean one thing.
That we lost our sail? Is that right? Did I win something? - No.
- [exclaims dejectedly.]
Frank has removed our wind source because one of us is cursed.
- Huh? - [all gasp.]
Which one of y'all brought a curse aboard this ship? Spill it! Speak, demon! - [speaking gibberish.]
- [all gasping.]
[Tammy.]
Well, well, well, Willie.
- Oh, no! - You are cursed, and must be sacrificed! - [Tammy speaks gibberish.]
- [Willie screaming.]
[yawns.]
Stay still, Mr.
King Julien.
The only part that will hurt is when I attach your head to the body of this [screams.]
shark! Really? That sounds awesome! [chuckles.]
I could party it up in the ocean, and be like, "Hey, whales, hey, dolphins, hey, starfish.
'Sup?" [sneezes.]
I'll be like a lemur-shark.
Like, a lark.
Start the saw! [plays keyboard.]
[geckos squeaking.]
Uh, I don't know, Doctor S.
On second thought, I kinda like my head and my body, attached to each other.
[chuckles nervously.]
You know what I'm saying? [sneezes.]
Huh? First rule of medicine, once you've turned on the saw, you have to use it! It's the rules.
- What's going on here? - Huh? I'm about to have my head attached to this shark's body.
What? You're supposed to be curing him, Doctor S.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I never agreed to help the king.
I just agreed to perform unlicensed, highly deadly, and unquestionably illegal experiments on him [screams.]
out of a cave! [squeaking.]
- [laughs.]
- [shrieks.]
[grunting.]
[geckos exclaim in pain.]
- Hmm? - [both.]
Hmm? [grunting.]
[groaning.]
[chuckling.]
[gasps.]
Is it okay to take a break? My gills are clogged with drain hair.
[grunts.]
That's better.
Oh, I'd actually forgotten you were down there.
Kidding.
[laughs.]
So, anyways, I think I've seen enough of your kingdom.
I'm ready to give you the trophy now.
Oh, yippee! Whoopie! [laughs.]
We won! Hoor ay! I'm just gonna need your little old signature here, here and here, from you, the king.
And then here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here, from the queen.
[gasps.]
But we don't have a queen.
Oh, my, what a shame.
I guess you can't have the trophy for Best Kingdom in Madagascar anymore.
So sorry.
[whimpers.]
Don't blow this, Mortimer.
You have to win the trophy for King Julien.
I'm trying, but she hated my toenail showers.
I'm hungry.
Anybody got a biscuit? Oh, King Julien's gonna be so mad at you.
Oh, no, I left the oven on.
- [grunts.]
- No, I turned it off.
Before we left.
Where were you when I was trying to win the trophy, responsible Mort? Hey, we're all in this together, guys.
What do you want, Pam? I'll do anything.
Anything! Hmm.
Anything? I swear, if that little oil stain messed this up for us [sneezes and coughs.]
King Julien, we won! We won? Oh, my goodness! [laughs.]
I'm so happy! [sniffs.]
Wait.
[sniffs.]
Nothing.
[laughs.]
I feel so much better.
And to think, all I needed was this little welded piece of fake gold with a seal on top holding some sort of animal horn.
- And it's so shiny.
- Yay! And we got a new queen.
Pam.
[laughs.]
Wha [all grunting.]
Why, hello, friends.
Bow down before your queen.
[stammering.]
Que-Que-Que-Que Mort! No need to thank me.
[grunts.]
How did this happen, Mort? Who are you working for? No, it's totally legal.
We got married.
Speak now or forever hold [farting.]
[blowing raspberries.]
[farting.]
Hold your peace.
Great.
He does.
I do.
We do.
Kiss the bride.
[kisses.]
[moaning.]
I'm King Julien.
The real King Julien.
Mort is not the king.
We're not even sure what species he is.
That's true.
I'm a bit of a medical marvel.
I think my dad was a bear.
Mort, just abdicate, or whatever, so I can have my throne back.
[chuckles.]
And my crown.
I'm afraid Mort stepping down from the throne won't help you.
Will it, Mordecai? I don't know.
There is no way this can be legal.
Let me just unroll this Sorry, chubster.
Let me just read you the fine print, here.
"If the temporary king marries, it is legally binding.
" Which means, if Mort abdicates, I'll be the sole ruler of your kingdom.
Your queen! - Que Que - And you will all bow down before me.
[laughs maniacally.]
- Eh - [continues laughing.]
[all gasp.]
She's right, Your Majesty.
We're gonna have to find another way to get rid of her.
Time for you to go now.
[Willie screaming.]
Oh, no, the aggressive dolphins are back! You should have thought of that before you entered our party - as a cursed man! - But I'm not cursed.
Really? Then explain why you have a monkey's paw.
I have the same paws as you.
Sorry, Willie, we're gonna miss you, but those are the rules.
[screams.]
Now, hold on, everybody.
Feeding Willie to the dolphins, it could work, sure.
But we're gonna run out of food here real soon, so, what if we save the dolphins the trouble and, you know, eat Willie ourselves? [gasps.]
Man's got a point.
I mean, I skipped breakfast, y'all.
This lemur's hungry, baby.
Well, what are we waiting for? Reel him in, people.
It's feeding time.
[whimpers.]
[Clover.]
Hmm.
I could take her out, Your Majesty.
- Make it look like an accident.
- [whimpering.]
I've got an even better idea.
Make it look like it was an accident.
- [groans.]
- I know exactly what to do.
[Clover.]
Ambush! [roars.]
[enthralling music playing.]
[grunting.]
Ow, ow, ow! [grunting.]
Let me know when Pam's, you know, gone.
- [giggles.]
- Uh Pam took Clover out.
Like, really badly.
Huh? - [Clover grunting.]
- [chuckles.]
Chicka What? What now, Your Majesty? Don't worry.
I've got a backup plan.
[laughs.]
Watch out.
[Mort humming.]
[bird cooing.]
[screeching.]
- [both.]
Hmm? - [humming.]
[shrieks.]
Oh, man.
I promised I'd give Sage his hawk back alive and well.
[Sage screaming.]
No! No! No! No! No! It will not end here.
[inhaling.]
Not for you, [inhaling.]
brave warrior! [exhaling.]
Brave warrior! Let me massage your majestic aorta.
Yes.
Don't fight, open your ventricles to me.
That's it.
Smells weird in here.
Sadness is but the mechanism of a winding clock frozen at two in the morning, gestating magical tears that have the power to heal.
Uh - [screeches.]
- [grunts.]
It is I, the Moondancer.
- Let's fly.
- [screeching.]
Wow, man.
[screeches.]
Did you see that, Mo-Mo? Yeah, and I might not be able to un-see it.
[groans.]
Man, it's too bad Mort wasn't already married.
Could have saved us a whole bunch of trouble.
Oh! Well, I'm going to un-trouble us, Maurice.
Because I'm getting [grunting.]
Yep, one of my sick, nasty KJ ideas.
Maybe Mort was already married.
- To me! [laughs.]
- Huh? Okay, I'm feeling really uncomfortable right now.
Mo-Mo, it's time for a transformation! [peppy song playing.]
Oh Well, I never! Mordecai, you scamp.
I, your long-suffering wife, Tilda, who you married legally, have been looking all over the kingdom for Hello, ex-King Julien.
What? How did you Ugh! Do you have any idea how long it took me to put all this stuff on? I mean, my nails! And just [grunts.]
First of all, yes, I do.
Second of all, that's right.
I saw right through your little plan.
You're too late, and there's nothing you can do about it.
I am still queen! [laughs.]
Que-que-que-que [gulps.]
Ugh! I wish I could angrily pace right now.
I'm gonna figure out who this "Pam" is.
Uh Clover, you've got something on your lower back area.
- Wait, on my th Is it What? - It looks like a handprint.
[gasps.]
It's Pam's! From when she Well, when, you know, she kind of, sort of, beat me up, or whatever.
I need that handprint.
Maurice! What do you want me to do? Wax it.
I'm not waxing your that! You're gonna kill me! Maurice, come on.
It's for the king.
I need that handprint to identify the woman - who's taken over the kingdom.
- [whimpering.]
- Promise you won't hurt me? - Yes.
I promise.
[whimpering.]
[both whimpering.]
- [grunts.]
- [screams.]
- Hurts so bad! - [Maurice grunting.]
It hurt me! [Clover.]
Sorry.
If my instincts are right, this book of Madagascar's criminal mastermind handprints will have the answer.
Nope.
Nope.
Nope.
[gasps.]
Well, 'ello, 'ello, 'ello.
Maurice, enhance.
Enhance.
You're not making the enhance noise.
Maurice.
[groans.]
Bleep-blap-bloob.
Beep-bab-blab-beep-blap I'm surrounded by crazy people.
Aha! Gotcha, Pam.
[Maurice grunting.]
[crashes.]
[giggles.]
Sorry.
What I'm thinking is, we'll start with an amuse-bouche.
- What's he talking about? - Amuse who? - I don't know who he's Who is this guy? - I ain't amused, man.
An amuse-bouche.
Bouche! - [slurping.]
- Bouche! It's hurting my ears.
Fine.
If that doesn't toot your tussle, we can stew him up into a nice beef bourguignon, with a side of pickled sweet gherkins.
Take your gherkins and scram! I say we eat him raw.
- [all cheering.]
- [screams.]
- Eat him raw! - Bunch of Philistines.
Eat him raw, for all I care.
I'd rather starve.
[all grunting.]
[laughing.]
You know what, Pam? Fine, keep your stupid crown.
Too bad you have to be married to that guy.
[grunts.]
Ha! He touches me, he dies.
In the meantime, I'll steal this kingdom blind.
By the time I'm done, your kingdom will have nothing to its name but the fur on your peoples' butts.
In fact, I think I might take that too.
[laughs.]
[Clover panting.]
Ta! Not so fast, Pam.
Or should I call you "Stephanie Jeeves"? Or is it "Lily Teeterwagon"? Whatever her name is, she can't be legally married to Mort, because she's already married to all of these guys.
Pam is a con artist, Your Majesty.
She marries royals, strips their kingdoms bare, and then, leaves them with nothing.
[sobbing.]
Who's Pam? I thought you loved me, Stephanie.
Ha! Are you kidding me? Love you? You could barely even hug me.
Well, that's because you took all of our arm extensions.
We need those for hugging! [sobbing.]
Our wedding cost the entire kingdom's supply of nectar.
[blows.]
I'm married? You were the easiest one, Joey.
I'm married? - Even Hans? I mean, Hans? - [grunts.]
- He's not even a king.
- [bawling.]
Maybe not, but he sure knows how to treat a lady.
Ooh! Hans, you're back! I may have lost King Julien as my wife/husband, but at least I have you back in my life.
[laughs.]
Right.
Anyways Since Pam's already married to multiple people, she can't be legally married to Mort.
Which means the crown is still yours, Your Majesty.
And not yours! [grunts.]
- Hmm! - I see.
[laughing.]
[grunts.]
You might be faster than me, Pam, but you're not smarter.
What do you want me to do with her, Your Majesty? Well, I do know a certain someone who's looking for a new patient.
[thrilling music playing.]
Yes.
Her head will look perfect attached to a [shouts.]
shark! So, doctor, eh? You married? [hisses.]
[all grunting.]
It's okay, babe.
Frank forgives you.
You're just tryin' to survive.
Yeah, your wings are too weak to fly.
[grunts.]
Oh, golly! We're home.
I wasn't gonna do it, I swear.
It was just a dare.
Please don't judge me! [grunts.]
- Hmm? - Hmm.
What did we miss, Your Majesty? Ah, nothing.
[groans.]
Huh? - [grunting.]
- [laughs.]
[scratching.]
[peppy music playing.]