Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s04e07 Episode Script
Doogie, Can You Hear Me?
Think comedy, o.
K.
? It's a cross between home alone and basic instinct without the ice picks.
It chronicles the wacky adventures of these two voluptuous exchange students of some Scandinavian persuasion, alone in a strange city, scared, confused, but still sporting their flimsy, see-through, native lingerie.
Mm-hmm.
The comedy comes out of this stupid guy who lives next door and decides to rob a bank.
Fortunately, these two intelligent, resourceful exchange students are around to bust him.
So he enlists the help of these two very vulnerable exchange students next door.
Huh? Now, as a doctor, can you understand why he's driven? A man not unlike yourself driven by his high moral obligation to society? Now, this comedy, being my first sophomore film, I know you want to see me do good.
That's why I'm asking for a little financial assistance in the neighborhood of a mere $1,000.
Sorry.
Go home.
Pfft.
What? What? What? I'm sorry.
I don't understand.
My name is Dr Howser.
And you are? Julia myatt.
Well, Julia myatt, it's nice to meet you.
What have we got? Laceration of the left knee.
She fell rollerblading.
Can you set up a suture set? I'm going to give you something to numb the knee.
Then we're looking at about Five stitches.
Well, when I was a kid, I had leukemia, and I was in hospitals a lot.
Uh, one time my roommate was deaf.
He taught me how to sign, and I taught him how to hide his cauliflower under the mattress.
No.
Not that mattress.
You signed that to a cop? I have miss myatt's release instructions.
Thank you, nurse spaulding.
That comes to, what, one stitch every four minutes? Nurse spaulding, it would be highly unethical for me to pursue a personal relationship with a patient.
Now, if you'll just sign here, you're officially released.
Good.
Would you like to go out Saturday? Hey.
Strictly by the book.
out of your mind? This is a number 58 Archie, pal.
Very rare.
Mint condition.
You insult me.
You insult all of riverdale high.
You're not really selling your autographed bogart script, are you? Big deal.
The man had terrible penmanship.
Look.
It looks like it says "humpty bug-art.
" Is this film so important you're willing to part with humpty? Yes.
Doog, I'm a sophomore now.
They expect me to have my own cinematic vision.
You going to lend me a grand, or what? It's not a good idea to lend your friends money.
It can strain a relationship.
with a little tension.
Fine.
Thank you.
We should buy something.
We want Vinnie to do well.
This is my putter.
Good.
Buy it back.
It's mine.
Buy it? Hey, you picked a real winner there.
We'll give you $200.
$2.
00 for the putter, 198 as a loan towards your film.
You drive a hard bargain.
I was asking 10.
But seeing as you're family Don't push it, delpino.
Pay him, dear.
I am truly humbled by the howser largess.
So what's your budget? Please.
Janet mckibben's makeup budget is 700 bucks.
I've seen her dog actors.
They need it.
And then there's Howie Cooper's film.
I don't know how he got kiefer sutherland.
Kiefer? He got kiefer? Julia, did you ever think about what it would be like to hear? I was talking to a colleague over at eastman, and she's doing this procedure called a cochlear implant.
They implant this This device into your auditory nerve, and it stimulates it electronically.
It could give you some hearing.
Well, it probably wasn't worth it back then.
See, implants only had one level of sound, and now they have 22.
O.
K.
You're right.
Think about it.
Take your time.
What do you think? Howser, come on.
I'm getting on your nerves.
I can accept that.
Doog, you're ruining my concentration.
I'm this close to winning a fuzzy-wuzzy.
He's a genius and a nudge.
I don't want to be a nudge, but think about it, Julia.
Think about what hearing could add to your world.
Damn, I'm good! You'll talk to the doctor? Yes! How about now? Can you hear or feel anything? Maybe a vibration? You're doing great.
You can relax now.
Julia, in order for the implant to be effective, the auditory nerve has to be receiving some stimulation.
In your case, it's minimal.
No.
The cochlear implant will work, but the improvement might not be that substantial.
That's still something, right? Julia, I know the tests were a little discouraging, but the implant can still make some difference.
You're just disappointed that things didn't go better.
But that's no reason to completely dismiss the surgery.
I just think I just think Look at me.
You're not fighting fair.
What's not fair is you judging me.
O.
K.
I'm not perfect by your standards.
I'm happy with my life.
I don't need to hear to be fulfilled.
You're the one with the problem.
No.
See, that I've been trying to come up with a cheap concept for this stupid film.
I mean, 700 bucks? That wouldn't even cover the penguin chowder used in Batman.
Am I interrupting something? Julia had the test today.
She's not an ideal candidate for the surgery.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Now she wants to give up.
It's not about giving up.
I am not! Not what? Never mind.
She was talking to me.
Gesticulate.
She's says I'm acting pigheaded Pigheaded and arrogant.
Wouldn't be the first time.
He thinks my life is a lesser experience because I'm deaf.
But it's not lesser.
It's just different.
His problem is that even though he can hear, he doesn't listen.
I wish I knew what I'm doing that is so terrible.
I'm going for a walk.
Wa-wait.
What? Hi.
Um, look, um Julia I know How you feel.
What? Can you read my lips? A little bit? O.
K.
Um Are my lips communicating well? O.
K.
Look, when doogie and I were kids, right? I was scared to To climb up this tree.
So doogie, he climbs up the tree and sits on this branch and starts bouncing pine cones off my head.
Bang.
Bang.
Bang.
Bang.
So I got really mad.
I climb up the tree, I look around, and I'm proud of myself For about two seconds.
Then I fell out and broke my coccyx.
You know, your butt bone.
I don't mean to be crude to the hearing impaired.
See, doogie only pushes people that he cares about.
What he doesn't get is that not everybody needs to climb the tree.
II understand how you are satisfied.
You are a visual person.
So am I.
So am I.
I mean, film Film is a visual medium, you know? I mean, sometimes, sometimes I'm watching TV A movie A really great movie, and I turn down the sound 'cause the words, they get in the way.
They get in the way.
Yeah? Oh, chaplin! Perfect example.
You like chaplin? Yeah? Me, too.
He made me laugh and cry.
He never said a word.
He didn't need it.
Look Maybe I was pushing a little too hard, Julia, and I'm sorry, but What are you sorry about? Julia, you just gave me the idea of a lifetime.
She's not mad at you anymore.
I explained that sometimes you're just this incredible jerk.
And I was worried.
How could you be mad at a face like this? Let's go eat dinner.
Come on.
You're adorable.
What we've just seen is more than an homage to classic silent films.
By going back to basics, this film reminds us of what we're doing here Making films using our own insights and creativity, rather than a lot of money and special effects.
Ladies and gentlemen, the sophomore who directed this first-rate student film Vincent delpino.
Thank you very much.
I hope that this film proves you can do a lot with a little.
I came in under budget, so my investors can expect a small return.
You see, I learned from a very special person.
She taught me that what might seem to be a limitation can actually be an advantage.
And, uh, it forces It forces us to be more creative with what we have.
So, thank you, Julia.
K.
? It's a cross between home alone and basic instinct without the ice picks.
It chronicles the wacky adventures of these two voluptuous exchange students of some Scandinavian persuasion, alone in a strange city, scared, confused, but still sporting their flimsy, see-through, native lingerie.
Mm-hmm.
The comedy comes out of this stupid guy who lives next door and decides to rob a bank.
Fortunately, these two intelligent, resourceful exchange students are around to bust him.
So he enlists the help of these two very vulnerable exchange students next door.
Huh? Now, as a doctor, can you understand why he's driven? A man not unlike yourself driven by his high moral obligation to society? Now, this comedy, being my first sophomore film, I know you want to see me do good.
That's why I'm asking for a little financial assistance in the neighborhood of a mere $1,000.
Sorry.
Go home.
Pfft.
What? What? What? I'm sorry.
I don't understand.
My name is Dr Howser.
And you are? Julia myatt.
Well, Julia myatt, it's nice to meet you.
What have we got? Laceration of the left knee.
She fell rollerblading.
Can you set up a suture set? I'm going to give you something to numb the knee.
Then we're looking at about Five stitches.
Well, when I was a kid, I had leukemia, and I was in hospitals a lot.
Uh, one time my roommate was deaf.
He taught me how to sign, and I taught him how to hide his cauliflower under the mattress.
No.
Not that mattress.
You signed that to a cop? I have miss myatt's release instructions.
Thank you, nurse spaulding.
That comes to, what, one stitch every four minutes? Nurse spaulding, it would be highly unethical for me to pursue a personal relationship with a patient.
Now, if you'll just sign here, you're officially released.
Good.
Would you like to go out Saturday? Hey.
Strictly by the book.
out of your mind? This is a number 58 Archie, pal.
Very rare.
Mint condition.
You insult me.
You insult all of riverdale high.
You're not really selling your autographed bogart script, are you? Big deal.
The man had terrible penmanship.
Look.
It looks like it says "humpty bug-art.
" Is this film so important you're willing to part with humpty? Yes.
Doog, I'm a sophomore now.
They expect me to have my own cinematic vision.
You going to lend me a grand, or what? It's not a good idea to lend your friends money.
It can strain a relationship.
with a little tension.
Fine.
Thank you.
We should buy something.
We want Vinnie to do well.
This is my putter.
Good.
Buy it back.
It's mine.
Buy it? Hey, you picked a real winner there.
We'll give you $200.
$2.
00 for the putter, 198 as a loan towards your film.
You drive a hard bargain.
I was asking 10.
But seeing as you're family Don't push it, delpino.
Pay him, dear.
I am truly humbled by the howser largess.
So what's your budget? Please.
Janet mckibben's makeup budget is 700 bucks.
I've seen her dog actors.
They need it.
And then there's Howie Cooper's film.
I don't know how he got kiefer sutherland.
Kiefer? He got kiefer? Julia, did you ever think about what it would be like to hear? I was talking to a colleague over at eastman, and she's doing this procedure called a cochlear implant.
They implant this This device into your auditory nerve, and it stimulates it electronically.
It could give you some hearing.
Well, it probably wasn't worth it back then.
See, implants only had one level of sound, and now they have 22.
O.
K.
You're right.
Think about it.
Take your time.
What do you think? Howser, come on.
I'm getting on your nerves.
I can accept that.
Doog, you're ruining my concentration.
I'm this close to winning a fuzzy-wuzzy.
He's a genius and a nudge.
I don't want to be a nudge, but think about it, Julia.
Think about what hearing could add to your world.
Damn, I'm good! You'll talk to the doctor? Yes! How about now? Can you hear or feel anything? Maybe a vibration? You're doing great.
You can relax now.
Julia, in order for the implant to be effective, the auditory nerve has to be receiving some stimulation.
In your case, it's minimal.
No.
The cochlear implant will work, but the improvement might not be that substantial.
That's still something, right? Julia, I know the tests were a little discouraging, but the implant can still make some difference.
You're just disappointed that things didn't go better.
But that's no reason to completely dismiss the surgery.
I just think I just think Look at me.
You're not fighting fair.
What's not fair is you judging me.
O.
K.
I'm not perfect by your standards.
I'm happy with my life.
I don't need to hear to be fulfilled.
You're the one with the problem.
No.
See, that I've been trying to come up with a cheap concept for this stupid film.
I mean, 700 bucks? That wouldn't even cover the penguin chowder used in Batman.
Am I interrupting something? Julia had the test today.
She's not an ideal candidate for the surgery.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Now she wants to give up.
It's not about giving up.
I am not! Not what? Never mind.
She was talking to me.
Gesticulate.
She's says I'm acting pigheaded Pigheaded and arrogant.
Wouldn't be the first time.
He thinks my life is a lesser experience because I'm deaf.
But it's not lesser.
It's just different.
His problem is that even though he can hear, he doesn't listen.
I wish I knew what I'm doing that is so terrible.
I'm going for a walk.
Wa-wait.
What? Hi.
Um, look, um Julia I know How you feel.
What? Can you read my lips? A little bit? O.
K.
Um Are my lips communicating well? O.
K.
Look, when doogie and I were kids, right? I was scared to To climb up this tree.
So doogie, he climbs up the tree and sits on this branch and starts bouncing pine cones off my head.
Bang.
Bang.
Bang.
Bang.
So I got really mad.
I climb up the tree, I look around, and I'm proud of myself For about two seconds.
Then I fell out and broke my coccyx.
You know, your butt bone.
I don't mean to be crude to the hearing impaired.
See, doogie only pushes people that he cares about.
What he doesn't get is that not everybody needs to climb the tree.
II understand how you are satisfied.
You are a visual person.
So am I.
So am I.
I mean, film Film is a visual medium, you know? I mean, sometimes, sometimes I'm watching TV A movie A really great movie, and I turn down the sound 'cause the words, they get in the way.
They get in the way.
Yeah? Oh, chaplin! Perfect example.
You like chaplin? Yeah? Me, too.
He made me laugh and cry.
He never said a word.
He didn't need it.
Look Maybe I was pushing a little too hard, Julia, and I'm sorry, but What are you sorry about? Julia, you just gave me the idea of a lifetime.
She's not mad at you anymore.
I explained that sometimes you're just this incredible jerk.
And I was worried.
How could you be mad at a face like this? Let's go eat dinner.
Come on.
You're adorable.
What we've just seen is more than an homage to classic silent films.
By going back to basics, this film reminds us of what we're doing here Making films using our own insights and creativity, rather than a lot of money and special effects.
Ladies and gentlemen, the sophomore who directed this first-rate student film Vincent delpino.
Thank you very much.
I hope that this film proves you can do a lot with a little.
I came in under budget, so my investors can expect a small return.
You see, I learned from a very special person.
She taught me that what might seem to be a limitation can actually be an advantage.
And, uh, it forces It forces us to be more creative with what we have.
So, thank you, Julia.