Fresh Off The Boat (2015) s04e07 Episode Script
The Day After Thanksgiving
1 Okay, Connie.
We've talked enough.
Why are you making that face? What are you reading? My mom's homework for her English class.
Listen to what she put down for the answers "The loaf of bread is sad.
" "The puppy is broken.
" "The seashells are all dead.
" I know, she's a terrible student.
I think she's lonely.
It's tough being her age at this time of the year.
Statistically.
The holiday blues.
Louis, I know your mother.
She's not lonely.
Her English isn't good because she never practices.
Except when she swears at the mailman because her coupons are late.
Twice! I'll say this, her English is great when she swears.
It's a different part of her brain.
So, I just told my sister we're not going to her house for Thanksgiving because we're opening the restaurant again this year.
Mm.
I wish we could just jump to the day after Thanksgiving.
Black Friday.
No relatives.
Christmas songs come on the radio.
Tupperware bulging with leftovers.
Me and Honey finally outsmarting the shopping lines.
We'll use your mother's wheelchair and cut straight to the front.
I'm gonna take a bed nap and a couch nap that day.
I am going to get us a brand-new fridge for so cheap.
The day after Thanksgiving.
There's nothing better.
This is a nightmare! I hope you're happy! Me?! This is all your fault! Look what you did to him! This is on you! You did this! I love you, you love me We're a happy family - Why would you say it's my fault?! - Because it's your Go screw.
At least I wasn't doing it for selfish reasons.
It's always "Eddie, Eddie, Eddie!" - When is it ever your fault?! - You pressured it S04E07 The Day After Thanksgiving It's not my fault.
Your nails have ridges like potato chips.
Grandma? I know a movie you should do for your ESL final monologue "The Sandlot.
" Mom, can you take me to the Teacher Supply Store? I need a 3-hole punch, one with some cojones.
I can't.
I'm busy.
Fine.
I'll walk.
Not by yourself, you won't.
Why not? I'm in middle school now.
Just like Emery.
It's different.
Emery's older.
You skipped a grade.
Because I'm so mature.
You just had me buy you a Barney the Dinosaur lamp.
A plain lamp or a lamp with an icon on it for the same price.
I mean, really, where am I? Ask one of your brothers if they'll take you.
Otherwise, you can't go.
Cut the cord already.
"One Crazy Summer.
" Joel Murray.
Any line.
They're all brilliant.
Bill Murray's brother? Brian Doyle-Murray's brother? There's three of them? Ugh, my God.
Dinner at the Murrays' must have been exhausting.
Everybody trying so hard while pretending not to.
I got some bad news.
Matthew Chestnut said we can't - open the restaurant on Thanksgiving.
- Why not? Apparently the holiday's sacred to Kenny Rogers.
Something about being part Native American, and how he lost his virginity on that day.
Folksy.
Yeah, well, there goes our excuse to get out of Thanksgiving.
What do we do now? Well, my family's in D.
C.
They won't know if we worked or not.
Yeah I'll smash the cordless and siphon the gas from the car, say we're victims of a holiday crime wave Couldn't call even if we wanted.
Or we just don't say anything and they'll assume we worked.
Yeah.
That's a good plan, too.
Now we don't have to suffer work or family, and I can focus on Black Friday.
Me and Honey are deciding who's gonna push the other in the wheelchair.
What? Why? Hmm? Hey.
I need you guys to take me to the Teacher Supply Store.
Forget it.
We're going to the mall.
You're welcome to come.
It's my first Thanksgiving since Alison and I broke up.
I can't risk the blues.
This time of the year is the toughest on single teenagers.
Statistically.
He said he heard it on "Povich.
" Maury does his research.
I need a distraction, so we're gonna hit up the holiday ice rink.
It's always a sea of girls.
They don't open the rink until Friday, so you can take me to the supply store now.
No.
We're going to the mall to shop for socks.
Who buys socks a month out from Christmas? Socks are Santa's job.
I need pimp socks.
The skate changing area is co-ed.
I can't walk around in these chump things.
You need to cut your toenails.
I'm talking about taking your body to heaven and sending your mind south.
I'm talking about spoiling you so bad you'll hate every other woman you touch.
I'm talking about my mouth on your mouth, and my tongue anywhere you All right, cut.
Let's hear it for Donnie channeling his inner Streisand.
And now, for our final act of ESL's Night-Out-At-The-Movies, we have Jenny Huang reciting from Tim Burton's "Batman.
" Looks live I saved the best for last.
Professor.
Gotham is a lucky city tonight.
Let me tell you about this guy I know, Jack.
I've never seen so many socks.
They had a whole section devoted to frogs! The mall It's got everything.
Except a 3-hole punch worth a damn.
Hey, want to see that movie? "I Know What You Did Last Summer"? It's rated R.
Walter works at the theater.
He'll let us in.
Evan's too young to see an R-rated movie.
I saw my first R when I was 7.
"The Fabulous Baker Boys.
" Evan's not like you.
Yeah, he skips grades, shops at teacher stores, and he uses napkins.
He's way more mature than I was.
He's book smart, not street smart.
Exactly.
And it's our job as older brothers to toughen him up.
I don't know.
Evan.
Would you like to go see "Flubber" or "I Know What You Did Last Summer"? Both have really strong casts.
Mom would want you to see the little kids' movie "Flubber.
" You should definitely go see that.
I'm not a little kid.
I'm a pre-tween.
"Flubber" can go flub itself.
Yes! Hey, great job up there, Mom.
I mean, Bruce Wayne.
"Now you wanna get nuts? C'mon, let's get nuts.
" Mom? Jenny, you told me you didn't have any kids.
She did? You did? You got me! You must be Louis.
Bernard.
I've heard a lot about you.
Well, it's nice to meet you.
My mom can't say enough about your class.
- And you.
- Well, the pleasure was all mine.
A model student.
I can't believe it's almost over.
- I'm gonna miss her.
- Miss her? Only a final exam left, and then she'll flap out of my life.
Like the Batman.
I invited Bernard to Thanksgiving! So now I have to race around and whip up a Thanksgiving dinner because you invited your mother's teacher? Jessica, I have never seen my mom this happy ever.
Bernard is the answer to her loneliness.
Come on, Louis, wake up! She's just trying to work him for an "A.
" But the goal is to improve her English.
Why would she care about her grade? Because she's a human.
Everybody wants an "A.
" No, you should have seen them.
The connection was obvious.
You could tell he was interested, but he's clearly an honorable man.
He didn't want to cross the teacher-student line.
Like Amy Fisher, the Long Island Lolita.
No, that's way off.
Buttafuoco was her mechanic.
The point is, they both need a chance to get to know each other outside of class.
So take them on a boat ride! I am not going Jessica! Hmm? But you've never offered to pay for anything.
Ever.
Mm, no, you didn't.
Clean cotton.
Have you talked to Evan? "I Know What You Did Last Summer" really messed him up.
He had nightmares all night.
It's a horror movie.
It's supposed to scare you.
What if the stress gets to be too much and he cries to Mom, says that we took him to an R-rated movie? Bye-bye, ice skating.
- Bye-bye, gentleman socks.
- Pimp socks.
Pimping is not all goblets and dancing.
It's women suffering, Eddie.
We need to talk to him.
Make sure he's okay.
Help him through it.
Hey, Evan, want to go ride bikes? So we can accidentally hit a fisherman and pay for it with our lives? No, thanks.
And if you were smart, you wouldn't go either.
Knock knock! Happy Thanksgiving! Oh, you mean, Happy Drinks-giving.
This is one of my top-five drinking holidays.
I am going all-out.
It could be the last one I get to enjoy before I'm pregnant.
Yeah, could be.
Well, if you make it past noon, you're welcome to come over to my house.
Well, thanks, but we already made plans.
I thought you guys weren't having Thanksgiving this year.
Well, Louis invited his mother's ESL teacher over, so she's cooking the whole meal by herself.
She is? But she'll miss the Macy's Parade.
- VCR'ing it.
- Oh, damn.
It's like she's a whole other person Courteous, polite, kind.
Just the type of person we can convince into letting us borrow her wheelchair.
I'll drink a shot to that.
You too, Emily.
Keep pace.
Boys! Okay, everyone on their best behavior.
This is important to Grandma.
Is someone gonna search him for a knife? What? He's kidding.
Making a joke.
No jokes.
Oh! Hello, teacher! Gobble, gobble.
As the turkey says.
Happy Thanksgiving, Jenny.
Louis.
Boys.
Hello, Jessica.
Hello, Bernard.
Welcome.
Happy Thanksgiving.
I brought a chilled bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and Jenny's last homework assignment an "A.
" "A.
" Uh, well, one for inside the fridge.
One for outside.
Yes! Yes! Amazing! Let's eat! Teacher on vacay! Okay, well, come inside.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
Yum, yum, yum, yum.
Ore-gone.
Orr-eh-gan.
Ore-gone.
Orr-eh-gan.
Mrs.
Dash, huh? Where's Mr.
Dash? You see, Oliver in this life, one thing counts.
In the bank, large amounts.
I'm afraid these don't grow on trees You've got to pick a pocket or two You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys Large amounts don't grow on trees You've got to pick a pocket or two Grandma's new boyfriend.
Oof.
Hey, Evan want to watch the parade with us? Grandma taped it.
- No, thanks.
- Come on.
Some nice family friendly entertainment never hurt anyone.
Hey, there's the Rugrats! And Sonic the Hedgehog! See? No scary bad guys here.
Just like real life.
Yep.
It's all good.
No need to tell Mom anything, right? Shh! I'm trying to watch.
Barney's up next! Oh, there's another gust.
It's so windy.
They better hold on.
Oh no, Barney! Oh, he's been gutted! And it looks like the cops are going in with knives to slice up the rest of him.
Well, pie time.
- You done with that? - Um, I Can't let your mom's good work go to waste, right, son? Yum, yum.
Mmm! You know, I was just thinking how much better your homework would look on a brand-new fridge.
I hope there's one still left by the time I get to the front of the line tomorrow.
Oh.
Oh, I couldn't.
I know you're not comfortable with it.
Jessica, can I speak with you a moment? May I speak with you a moment.
I can't take it anymore.
We have to get rid of him.
Oh, come on, he's not that bad.
Not that bad? Yum, yum, yum.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
Yum, yum.
Okay, what about your mother's happiness? I thought you said she was lonely.
Well, I was all for it until I realized it might be permanent.
He called me his son.
Can you imagine dealing with that clown every day? Do you hear how selfish you sound? Who are you kidding? You're only putting up with him so you could use her wheelchair to jump the Black Friday line.
Okay, fine! I admit that, and I'm not gonna let you blow it just 'cause you can't handle a little energy.
A-yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum Stop it! Okay.
Okay.
We just have to suck it up for a few more hours.
Then I get my chair, and your mother stays happy.
You're right.
You're right.
Besides, she's gonna be over him as soon as she gets an "A" in that class.
I told you, the grade doesn't matter.
Their diploma is a button that says "Hooray!" Where's Bernard? Too much.
Broke up.
Oh, thank the lord! I'm sorry, Mom, but you're better off.
He was the worst.
It's like, read the room, pal.
You're annoying as hell.
Okay, Louis, that's enough.
You think three Murray brothers is a lot? He was like 50 Murray brothers rolled into one, with five Martin Shorts.
Mom, you could do so much better.
I believe she meant to say I "ate too much," and that I "threw up.
" I give this family an "F.
" Sorry about your bathroom.
Louis, how could you? Don't you care about your mother at all? Or is it just Louis, Louis, Louis all the time? Hey, Jess-nuts! Just checkin' in to see if you tricked Ol' Wheely Wheels to lend you her steel so we can cut asses in line mañana, get you that new fridge! Let a bitch know, bitch! Whoooo Oh, there's another gust.
Hey, Ma.
We heated up some of the delicious turkey you made.
Want us to make you a plate? - She's still mad at us.
- Yep.
Yep.
Oh, Grandma, don't watch this part! Why would you do that? Hmm.
I'm always the balloon.
Eddie and Emery tricked me into seeing a scary movie.
Is that from "Batman"? Even leftovers don't taste good.
Well, just put them in that dull, tiny fridge with no crisper that we're stuck with until next year.
None of this would have happened if my mom had learned her verbs.
I don't blame her, anyway.
I blame Honey.
That drunk.
Sad.
Drinking that much on Thanksgiving.
One of us should apologize to my mom.
Yeah.
And it should be the person who is really at fault You.
What are you doing? Holding up a mirror.
Do you see yourself? You took advantage of a woman's happiness so you could use her wheelchair.
Well, what about you? Every second with the love connections, always trying to be that chubby baby fatso with the wings.
- Cupid.
- If you hadn't meddled, we wouldn't have hosted Thanksgiving and everything would be fine! At least I wasn't doing it for selfish reasons like you.
I was trying to be nice.
My mom was lonely, and I wanted to help her.
No one is lonely, Louis.
That's not a real thing.
I'm telling you, she was just doing it for the grade.
And if it weren't for you, I'd have a new fridge What is it? Hmm? Oh, you're into my socks, girl? Thank you.
Yeah, I would like to come back to your house for some hot chocolate and light kissing.
Do you feel a little bad going ice skating after what we did to Evan? No.
Ah, just who I was looking for.
You two are taking me to the Teacher Supply Store.
No way! We're just about to go skating.
If you refuse, I'll tell Mom you took me to an R-rated movie.
Are you blackmailing us? If putting a label on it helps you swallow it, then sure.
Sometimes you're the knife.
Sometimes you're the balloon.
Now, chop chop, you balloons.
Mom will never believe you.
It's two against one, our word versus yours.
Versus this ticket stub.
Still think scrapbooking is a joke? Got a sec? I thought you hated the way I painted your nails.
I saw your homework assignment.
"My favorite hobby is doing nails with Jessica.
" But we're not even friendly with each other.
You don't even look at me when I do your nails.
Always crying during sports.
I'm sorry I told you I liked Bernard so I could use your wheelchair.
I hope we didn't mess things up with him.
I knew it! I know it's late, but do you want to go shopping with me? All the good sales are over, but who knows We might see somebody get trampled.
I'd like that.
Hey.
I'm ready for Black Friday! I just I needed a little hair of the dog.
Here.
Mm.
Hey, so did I come over yesterday? Were we all together? 'Cause things are a bit hazy.
At some point, I think I made nachos.
And I also recall doing a load of laundry in my underwear.
And then I think I tried to go for a run, and Sure did.
Ooh! Ooh! And then I woke up in bed under the covers with my shoes on.
And my hair was wet for some reason.
And Marvin's not talking to me, which isn't a great sign.
Yeah, so did we hang out at all?
We've talked enough.
Why are you making that face? What are you reading? My mom's homework for her English class.
Listen to what she put down for the answers "The loaf of bread is sad.
" "The puppy is broken.
" "The seashells are all dead.
" I know, she's a terrible student.
I think she's lonely.
It's tough being her age at this time of the year.
Statistically.
The holiday blues.
Louis, I know your mother.
She's not lonely.
Her English isn't good because she never practices.
Except when she swears at the mailman because her coupons are late.
Twice! I'll say this, her English is great when she swears.
It's a different part of her brain.
So, I just told my sister we're not going to her house for Thanksgiving because we're opening the restaurant again this year.
Mm.
I wish we could just jump to the day after Thanksgiving.
Black Friday.
No relatives.
Christmas songs come on the radio.
Tupperware bulging with leftovers.
Me and Honey finally outsmarting the shopping lines.
We'll use your mother's wheelchair and cut straight to the front.
I'm gonna take a bed nap and a couch nap that day.
I am going to get us a brand-new fridge for so cheap.
The day after Thanksgiving.
There's nothing better.
This is a nightmare! I hope you're happy! Me?! This is all your fault! Look what you did to him! This is on you! You did this! I love you, you love me We're a happy family - Why would you say it's my fault?! - Because it's your Go screw.
At least I wasn't doing it for selfish reasons.
It's always "Eddie, Eddie, Eddie!" - When is it ever your fault?! - You pressured it S04E07 The Day After Thanksgiving It's not my fault.
Your nails have ridges like potato chips.
Grandma? I know a movie you should do for your ESL final monologue "The Sandlot.
" Mom, can you take me to the Teacher Supply Store? I need a 3-hole punch, one with some cojones.
I can't.
I'm busy.
Fine.
I'll walk.
Not by yourself, you won't.
Why not? I'm in middle school now.
Just like Emery.
It's different.
Emery's older.
You skipped a grade.
Because I'm so mature.
You just had me buy you a Barney the Dinosaur lamp.
A plain lamp or a lamp with an icon on it for the same price.
I mean, really, where am I? Ask one of your brothers if they'll take you.
Otherwise, you can't go.
Cut the cord already.
"One Crazy Summer.
" Joel Murray.
Any line.
They're all brilliant.
Bill Murray's brother? Brian Doyle-Murray's brother? There's three of them? Ugh, my God.
Dinner at the Murrays' must have been exhausting.
Everybody trying so hard while pretending not to.
I got some bad news.
Matthew Chestnut said we can't - open the restaurant on Thanksgiving.
- Why not? Apparently the holiday's sacred to Kenny Rogers.
Something about being part Native American, and how he lost his virginity on that day.
Folksy.
Yeah, well, there goes our excuse to get out of Thanksgiving.
What do we do now? Well, my family's in D.
C.
They won't know if we worked or not.
Yeah I'll smash the cordless and siphon the gas from the car, say we're victims of a holiday crime wave Couldn't call even if we wanted.
Or we just don't say anything and they'll assume we worked.
Yeah.
That's a good plan, too.
Now we don't have to suffer work or family, and I can focus on Black Friday.
Me and Honey are deciding who's gonna push the other in the wheelchair.
What? Why? Hmm? Hey.
I need you guys to take me to the Teacher Supply Store.
Forget it.
We're going to the mall.
You're welcome to come.
It's my first Thanksgiving since Alison and I broke up.
I can't risk the blues.
This time of the year is the toughest on single teenagers.
Statistically.
He said he heard it on "Povich.
" Maury does his research.
I need a distraction, so we're gonna hit up the holiday ice rink.
It's always a sea of girls.
They don't open the rink until Friday, so you can take me to the supply store now.
No.
We're going to the mall to shop for socks.
Who buys socks a month out from Christmas? Socks are Santa's job.
I need pimp socks.
The skate changing area is co-ed.
I can't walk around in these chump things.
You need to cut your toenails.
I'm talking about taking your body to heaven and sending your mind south.
I'm talking about spoiling you so bad you'll hate every other woman you touch.
I'm talking about my mouth on your mouth, and my tongue anywhere you All right, cut.
Let's hear it for Donnie channeling his inner Streisand.
And now, for our final act of ESL's Night-Out-At-The-Movies, we have Jenny Huang reciting from Tim Burton's "Batman.
" Looks live I saved the best for last.
Professor.
Gotham is a lucky city tonight.
Let me tell you about this guy I know, Jack.
I've never seen so many socks.
They had a whole section devoted to frogs! The mall It's got everything.
Except a 3-hole punch worth a damn.
Hey, want to see that movie? "I Know What You Did Last Summer"? It's rated R.
Walter works at the theater.
He'll let us in.
Evan's too young to see an R-rated movie.
I saw my first R when I was 7.
"The Fabulous Baker Boys.
" Evan's not like you.
Yeah, he skips grades, shops at teacher stores, and he uses napkins.
He's way more mature than I was.
He's book smart, not street smart.
Exactly.
And it's our job as older brothers to toughen him up.
I don't know.
Evan.
Would you like to go see "Flubber" or "I Know What You Did Last Summer"? Both have really strong casts.
Mom would want you to see the little kids' movie "Flubber.
" You should definitely go see that.
I'm not a little kid.
I'm a pre-tween.
"Flubber" can go flub itself.
Yes! Hey, great job up there, Mom.
I mean, Bruce Wayne.
"Now you wanna get nuts? C'mon, let's get nuts.
" Mom? Jenny, you told me you didn't have any kids.
She did? You did? You got me! You must be Louis.
Bernard.
I've heard a lot about you.
Well, it's nice to meet you.
My mom can't say enough about your class.
- And you.
- Well, the pleasure was all mine.
A model student.
I can't believe it's almost over.
- I'm gonna miss her.
- Miss her? Only a final exam left, and then she'll flap out of my life.
Like the Batman.
I invited Bernard to Thanksgiving! So now I have to race around and whip up a Thanksgiving dinner because you invited your mother's teacher? Jessica, I have never seen my mom this happy ever.
Bernard is the answer to her loneliness.
Come on, Louis, wake up! She's just trying to work him for an "A.
" But the goal is to improve her English.
Why would she care about her grade? Because she's a human.
Everybody wants an "A.
" No, you should have seen them.
The connection was obvious.
You could tell he was interested, but he's clearly an honorable man.
He didn't want to cross the teacher-student line.
Like Amy Fisher, the Long Island Lolita.
No, that's way off.
Buttafuoco was her mechanic.
The point is, they both need a chance to get to know each other outside of class.
So take them on a boat ride! I am not going Jessica! Hmm? But you've never offered to pay for anything.
Ever.
Mm, no, you didn't.
Clean cotton.
Have you talked to Evan? "I Know What You Did Last Summer" really messed him up.
He had nightmares all night.
It's a horror movie.
It's supposed to scare you.
What if the stress gets to be too much and he cries to Mom, says that we took him to an R-rated movie? Bye-bye, ice skating.
- Bye-bye, gentleman socks.
- Pimp socks.
Pimping is not all goblets and dancing.
It's women suffering, Eddie.
We need to talk to him.
Make sure he's okay.
Help him through it.
Hey, Evan, want to go ride bikes? So we can accidentally hit a fisherman and pay for it with our lives? No, thanks.
And if you were smart, you wouldn't go either.
Knock knock! Happy Thanksgiving! Oh, you mean, Happy Drinks-giving.
This is one of my top-five drinking holidays.
I am going all-out.
It could be the last one I get to enjoy before I'm pregnant.
Yeah, could be.
Well, if you make it past noon, you're welcome to come over to my house.
Well, thanks, but we already made plans.
I thought you guys weren't having Thanksgiving this year.
Well, Louis invited his mother's ESL teacher over, so she's cooking the whole meal by herself.
She is? But she'll miss the Macy's Parade.
- VCR'ing it.
- Oh, damn.
It's like she's a whole other person Courteous, polite, kind.
Just the type of person we can convince into letting us borrow her wheelchair.
I'll drink a shot to that.
You too, Emily.
Keep pace.
Boys! Okay, everyone on their best behavior.
This is important to Grandma.
Is someone gonna search him for a knife? What? He's kidding.
Making a joke.
No jokes.
Oh! Hello, teacher! Gobble, gobble.
As the turkey says.
Happy Thanksgiving, Jenny.
Louis.
Boys.
Hello, Jessica.
Hello, Bernard.
Welcome.
Happy Thanksgiving.
I brought a chilled bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and Jenny's last homework assignment an "A.
" "A.
" Uh, well, one for inside the fridge.
One for outside.
Yes! Yes! Amazing! Let's eat! Teacher on vacay! Okay, well, come inside.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
Yum, yum, yum, yum.
Ore-gone.
Orr-eh-gan.
Ore-gone.
Orr-eh-gan.
Mrs.
Dash, huh? Where's Mr.
Dash? You see, Oliver in this life, one thing counts.
In the bank, large amounts.
I'm afraid these don't grow on trees You've got to pick a pocket or two You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys Large amounts don't grow on trees You've got to pick a pocket or two Grandma's new boyfriend.
Oof.
Hey, Evan want to watch the parade with us? Grandma taped it.
- No, thanks.
- Come on.
Some nice family friendly entertainment never hurt anyone.
Hey, there's the Rugrats! And Sonic the Hedgehog! See? No scary bad guys here.
Just like real life.
Yep.
It's all good.
No need to tell Mom anything, right? Shh! I'm trying to watch.
Barney's up next! Oh, there's another gust.
It's so windy.
They better hold on.
Oh no, Barney! Oh, he's been gutted! And it looks like the cops are going in with knives to slice up the rest of him.
Well, pie time.
- You done with that? - Um, I Can't let your mom's good work go to waste, right, son? Yum, yum.
Mmm! You know, I was just thinking how much better your homework would look on a brand-new fridge.
I hope there's one still left by the time I get to the front of the line tomorrow.
Oh.
Oh, I couldn't.
I know you're not comfortable with it.
Jessica, can I speak with you a moment? May I speak with you a moment.
I can't take it anymore.
We have to get rid of him.
Oh, come on, he's not that bad.
Not that bad? Yum, yum, yum.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
Yum, yum.
Okay, what about your mother's happiness? I thought you said she was lonely.
Well, I was all for it until I realized it might be permanent.
He called me his son.
Can you imagine dealing with that clown every day? Do you hear how selfish you sound? Who are you kidding? You're only putting up with him so you could use her wheelchair to jump the Black Friday line.
Okay, fine! I admit that, and I'm not gonna let you blow it just 'cause you can't handle a little energy.
A-yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum Stop it! Okay.
Okay.
We just have to suck it up for a few more hours.
Then I get my chair, and your mother stays happy.
You're right.
You're right.
Besides, she's gonna be over him as soon as she gets an "A" in that class.
I told you, the grade doesn't matter.
Their diploma is a button that says "Hooray!" Where's Bernard? Too much.
Broke up.
Oh, thank the lord! I'm sorry, Mom, but you're better off.
He was the worst.
It's like, read the room, pal.
You're annoying as hell.
Okay, Louis, that's enough.
You think three Murray brothers is a lot? He was like 50 Murray brothers rolled into one, with five Martin Shorts.
Mom, you could do so much better.
I believe she meant to say I "ate too much," and that I "threw up.
" I give this family an "F.
" Sorry about your bathroom.
Louis, how could you? Don't you care about your mother at all? Or is it just Louis, Louis, Louis all the time? Hey, Jess-nuts! Just checkin' in to see if you tricked Ol' Wheely Wheels to lend you her steel so we can cut asses in line mañana, get you that new fridge! Let a bitch know, bitch! Whoooo Oh, there's another gust.
Hey, Ma.
We heated up some of the delicious turkey you made.
Want us to make you a plate? - She's still mad at us.
- Yep.
Yep.
Oh, Grandma, don't watch this part! Why would you do that? Hmm.
I'm always the balloon.
Eddie and Emery tricked me into seeing a scary movie.
Is that from "Batman"? Even leftovers don't taste good.
Well, just put them in that dull, tiny fridge with no crisper that we're stuck with until next year.
None of this would have happened if my mom had learned her verbs.
I don't blame her, anyway.
I blame Honey.
That drunk.
Sad.
Drinking that much on Thanksgiving.
One of us should apologize to my mom.
Yeah.
And it should be the person who is really at fault You.
What are you doing? Holding up a mirror.
Do you see yourself? You took advantage of a woman's happiness so you could use her wheelchair.
Well, what about you? Every second with the love connections, always trying to be that chubby baby fatso with the wings.
- Cupid.
- If you hadn't meddled, we wouldn't have hosted Thanksgiving and everything would be fine! At least I wasn't doing it for selfish reasons like you.
I was trying to be nice.
My mom was lonely, and I wanted to help her.
No one is lonely, Louis.
That's not a real thing.
I'm telling you, she was just doing it for the grade.
And if it weren't for you, I'd have a new fridge What is it? Hmm? Oh, you're into my socks, girl? Thank you.
Yeah, I would like to come back to your house for some hot chocolate and light kissing.
Do you feel a little bad going ice skating after what we did to Evan? No.
Ah, just who I was looking for.
You two are taking me to the Teacher Supply Store.
No way! We're just about to go skating.
If you refuse, I'll tell Mom you took me to an R-rated movie.
Are you blackmailing us? If putting a label on it helps you swallow it, then sure.
Sometimes you're the knife.
Sometimes you're the balloon.
Now, chop chop, you balloons.
Mom will never believe you.
It's two against one, our word versus yours.
Versus this ticket stub.
Still think scrapbooking is a joke? Got a sec? I thought you hated the way I painted your nails.
I saw your homework assignment.
"My favorite hobby is doing nails with Jessica.
" But we're not even friendly with each other.
You don't even look at me when I do your nails.
Always crying during sports.
I'm sorry I told you I liked Bernard so I could use your wheelchair.
I hope we didn't mess things up with him.
I knew it! I know it's late, but do you want to go shopping with me? All the good sales are over, but who knows We might see somebody get trampled.
I'd like that.
Hey.
I'm ready for Black Friday! I just I needed a little hair of the dog.
Here.
Mm.
Hey, so did I come over yesterday? Were we all together? 'Cause things are a bit hazy.
At some point, I think I made nachos.
And I also recall doing a load of laundry in my underwear.
And then I think I tried to go for a run, and Sure did.
Ooh! Ooh! And then I woke up in bed under the covers with my shoes on.
And my hair was wet for some reason.
And Marvin's not talking to me, which isn't a great sign.
Yeah, so did we hang out at all?