Ghosts (2021) s04e07 Episode Script

1
Man, your nosy neighbor is killing us.
I don't know how we're
gonna get everything
ready in time for the restaurant opening
if he's out here every day.
If we start even a second before 8:00,
I'm worried that he's gonna
report us to the county.
I will!
And he's got bionic
hearing, too. That's fun.
My guys are raring to go,
Jay. They've got the fire!
I don't know how much
longer I can hold them.
SASAPPIS: Yeah. They're
chomping at the bit.
Hold
Hold.
Hold!
Now!
Well, I'll be back at 4:00 to make sure
you don't go a minute late.
Wha Henry.
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Look
I know that we haven't seen
eye to eye on everything,
but could you just give us
a little bit of breathing room?
That's a big no from me, Jay.
Local ordinances are
the solid foundation
upon which this country was built.
Without them, we are
no better than animals.
I've never been a fan of Henry Farnsby,
but that is one groovy
tune he's singing.
When Thor alive, if have bad neighbor,
you invade their land,
put head on spike.
Great being neighbors with you!
But passive-aggressive
banter are the way to go.
♪
SAMANTHA: Well, you picked
a wonderful time to join us.
The fall colors are
just exploding right now.
My God, this old tired diatribe.
Here comes the hike talk.
Replete with mention
of the drainage ditch,
aka "the magical creek."
If you're interested in hiking,
we have a "lovely" creek.
Oh, she switched it up.
- Oh, it's nice?
- SAMANTHA: Yeah.
- It's
- ALBERTA: Say it.
You got nothing else.
magical.
- There it is.
- She knows no other words.
Babe, the guests are loving it here.
They're talking about having
their wedding here in the spring.
And rehearsal dinner at your restaurant.
If it's even open by
then. Farnsby's killing us.
The bastard's out there
watching the clock every morning.
- The guy needs a hobby.
- ALBERTA: Mm.
Between the pickleball and group sex,
I'd say the man has hobbies.
He's so annoying.
Samantha, if I may,
the true center of power
always lies with the lady of the house.
You need to go through the wife.
Invite her over, charm her.
Okay, I'm seeing one
potential roadblock.
And once you've gotten in with her,
she will tell that idiot
husband of hers to lay off.
I guess I could invite
Margaret over for a drink.
Wait, what? No, babe.
I don't think we should engage
with these people. They're nuts.
(chuckling): I'm sorry, a drink?
What are you, Irish dockworkers?
You're both civilized women.
Just do cocaine.
SAMANTHA: I think
it's worth a shot, Jay.
Margaret's kind of fun.
She can hold stuff.
Other people can see her.
(gasps) You son of a bitch.
That's a cheap shot, Samantha,
you're better than that.
Uh, Sam, some guy is dropping
off a giant box outside.
Oh, I know what that is.
Isaac, your wedding
present has finally arrived.
It was on back order.
Oh, that's very kind.
But I don't need some
reminder of my broken nuptials.
A dinosaur bed? Oh, goodie!
This is for children.
It literally says
"for ages five and up."
Yes, "and up." I'm "and up."
The point is, it can
be enjoyed by all ages.
Oh!
There's a button that makes it roar.
Incredible.
So, Margaret, have you been
on Baker Street since they repaved it?
No.
Oh.
This more awkward than
first dinner with wife
after I throw her father off cliff.
You threw your wife's
father off a cliff?
He become burden to society.
Almost 34 years old.
Well, that makes sense.
Well, they did a great job. (chuckles)
It's so (exhales) flat.
HETTY: Yes.
Double down on the road
discussion. Great instincts.
(scoffs) "Two adults required."
Yeah, right. I'm crushing this.
When do you think he's gonna realize
that he used the wrong
screws six steps ago?
Probably when he runs
out of the long ones,
which should happen in
about three steps.
I can't wait. (chuckles)
Ah. So the rumors are true.
ISAAC: Nigel.
Yes, the bed was meant to be
a wedding gift from Jay and Samantha,
but I take it you somehow
heard that already.
It is quite striking.
But shouldn't it be set
up in a neutral location
where we can take turns with it?
As it is a gift
- for both of us?
- Surely you jest.
You are not even a lover of dinosaurs.
Hmm, perhaps I've changed my mind.
You of all people should know
that sometimes a person
can just change their mind.
ISAAC: It's already set up here.
Asking Jay to disassemble
it would be quite cruel.
I'm pretty sure he's gonna
have to take this apart anyway.
- He skipped a whole step.
- ISAAC: Nigel.
You're being ridiculous.
I love dinosaurs, I'm taking the bed.
End of discussion.
I suppose I should
expect nothing less
- from a Yankee!
- (gasps)
Wait a minute, are these
screws two different sizes?
There's a step 4B?
"See the addendum online"?
I really like food.
- Do you like food?
- MARGARET: I mean, food's okay.
SASAPPIS: Man. Margaret
is giving her nothing.
I hate to defend a Farnsby,
but our girl's not bringing
much to the table either.
This is collective failure.
- Like Danish society.
- PETE: Wait a minute.
Sam, I think I saw this same book
over at the Farnsby house.
Maybe Margaret's read it, too.
I also really like to read. (chuckles)
I recently read this book for instance.
Oh, The Unwatered Chrysanthemum?
What a coincidence! I also just read it.
- Boom. Common ground.
- I have a passion for gardening
and I thought that the author did
an incredible job capturing
the-the drama of the dying flower.
I agree. And what a powerful metaphor.
(chuckles): Yeah.
H-how do you mean?
Well, it wasn't just about
a dying flower, right?
The chrysanthemum was meant to represent
a woman in a stagnant marriage,
whose husband, aka the gardener,
has been neglecting her for so long,
that she just withered away.
- Whoa.
- SASAPPIS: Okay
that stirred something in Margaret.
It's funny because
Henry used to be so romantic.
But lately, I feel
- taken for granted.
- HETTY: Oh, dear.
- This has taken a turn.
- SAMANTHA: You know,
it might actually just be
about a flower. (chuckles)
What about TV? Oh, have
you seen Ted Lasso?
No, you've opened my eyes.
Thank you for the wine, Samantha.
I, uh, I have to go do some thinking.
Okay, well, maybe you
could still talk to Henry
about that construction stuff?
Oh, I'll be talking to him, all right.
Sorry, when I said charm her,
I guess I should have made it clear
I didn't mean "blow up her marriage."
(scoffs) No, that's not
They're gonna be fine.
(doorbell chimes)
Mr. Farnsby.
I'm checking in. Margaret kicked me out.
My world is shattered. (crying)
- Oh, no.
- HETTY: And this
is why women should never read books.
You seem like a nice couple.
She seems like she really loves you.
I'm a lucky man.
Well, it can all change
just like that.
(strums)
This not bode well for these two
choosing this as wedding venue.
Thor understand stakes.
I was happy and in love
once. Now look at me.
(scoffs) She ripped my heart out.
- I have no idea why.
- SASAPPIS: He's not gonna be thrilled
when he finds out this is Sam's fault.
If they had just done cocaine,
the book would have been
but one of the topics
they briefly alighted on in their mania.
Hi, I have an Amazon Prime
package for Woodstone B&B.
You can leave it there.
I couldn't help but notice your ring.
Are you married?
- Oh, boy. Here we go.
- DRIVER: Yeah.
- It'll be a year next week.
- HENRY: Well, then.
I have one thing to say
to you: my condolences.
(strums)
I don't understand. What
happened at wine night?
Did Margaret say something
to you about this?
Well, there was sort
of a misunderstanding.
Pete brought up a book.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't
throw me under the bus.
And I simply pointed out how that book,
The Unwatered Chrysanthemum,
was actually a metaphor
for a stagnant marriage in turmoil.
Oh, my God.
It is getting bleak out there.
Farnsby's just trying to talk
everybody out of marriage.
While sob-singing
"Love is a Battlefield."
We are young ♪
No. You're not.
Would have been thrown
off cliff many moons ago.
Heartache to heartache, we stand ♪
Hey, Henry. That sounds great, buddy.
- Oh, thank you, Jay.
- You know, the acoustics
are really good
upstairs, in-in your room.
I understand.
I don't mean to darken the public spaces
of your already floundering business
with my sad songs, but
I just don't want to be alone right now.
You won't be alone.
Jay will jam with you.
Really?
Yes. I love jamming.
(laughs) I love it.
How do we feel about
Jay and Sam's marriage?
I think they're solid.
If not, you know, that'll
be something to watch, too.
TREVOR: Oh, I bet this is what
Steven Spielberg sleeps in.
Are you loving it?
I do like pretending to be the tongue.
And I enjoyed the psychotic break
Jay experienced on his third assembly.
But now that he's made my
bed, and I'm lying in it
(sighs) I don't know.
You know, when I was nine,
we had a Passover seder at my house.
And even though you are not supposed
to search for the afikomen
until after the meal,
I kept taking bathroom
breaks until I found it.
The afikomen is the matzo
they hide during the seder.
I have been here way too long.
TREVOR: Anyway, the
second the meal was over,
I went straight to where it was hidden,
and I won five dollars.
But then I saw my hot
cousin Rachel crying.
And that didn't feel good.
Because the person you were both
attracted to and related to was sad?
TREVOR: I was nine. It was innocent.
But my point is that when it comes
at the expense of someone
that you care about,
sometimes a win feels like a loss.
Maybe you're right.
I've put Nigel through so much.
Giving him this bed is
the least I could do.
I'll tell Sam to tell
Jay to disassemble it.
And then reassemble
it again in the shed.
And I'm gonna go see if hot
cousin Rachel's on Instagram.
- Ew.
- TREVOR: I'm dead!
It's still innocent.
(exhales)
(playing in unison)
(laughing)
Why are we clapping? Who is this for?
Just seem like nice thing to do.
HENRY: This was just what I needed, Jay.
I don't know what happened.
I was just sitting
there, doing my jumble,
and the next thing I know,
Margaret is telling me
she's no longer happy in our marriage
and I need to get out.
Have you tried apologizing?
I don't even know what I did.
Henry, bro, one married guy
to another, it doesn't matter.
Just say you're sorry and ask them
if they've done something
new with their hair.
He knows we watch and
tell Sam this stuff, right?
HENRY: Oh, I hope you're right
because that woman is
the light of my life.
Aw.
HENRY: Thank you for
being there for me, Jay.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need to use your restroom.
We are young. ♪
(chuckles) He ain't that young.
I was already in that area, Alberta.
We got a little problem,
Jay. The guys installed
three-quarter-inch pipe
instead of one-inch,
but we already sealed up the wall.
Honestly, it'll get the
job done, but if the county
- ever heard about this
- Shh!
That doesn't sound
like a little problem.
Bionic hearing.
Oh, no, Henry's got the goods.
- Henry, I can explain.
- ALBERTA: Jay, quick,
you got a cement mixer and
a lake, story writes itself.
Okay, I know it looks bad
Let me stop you right there, Jay.
Would this have been a piece of intel
that "yesterday me" would've used
to crush your upstart
venture? Absolutely.
But now,
we are jam bros.
So you're not gonna report me?
The only thing I'm going to report is us
to Rolling Stone magazine
as this year's best new band,
Farnsby and the Dudes.
- Did you say "dudes"?
- That's right.
Just grab a shaker, Mark.
- ISAAC: Knock, knock.
- Isaac, what are you doing here?
Oh, nothing. I merely wanted to see
how you're enjoying the dinosaur bed.
Alas, I actually gave the bed
to Baxter and Carol as a wedding gift.
BAXTER: Much appreciated.
Still waiting for Jenkins' gift.
I did not support the
marriage, and I still do not.
I'm sorry, you regifted it?
Yes. I thought they deserved it,
seeing as how Baxter
and Carol had the guts
to follow through on their nuptials.
Oh, so that's what this is about.
You wanted the bed to
spite me, for revenge.
Yes. It's a stupid bed.
It's not even accurate.
The tyrannosaurus had 60 teeth,
whereas this freak has but 32.
And look at the nostrils,
far too close to the eyes.
I thought this bed was made
for children, not by them.
Wait.
Those were two oddly astute observations
about the anatomy of a dinosaur.
I didn't think you knew
anything of the subject,
or cared for it.
NIGEL: I didn't,
but I was meant to marry
man obsessed with dinosaurs.
I studied them to be able
to talk with my husband
about his favorite subject.
It was going to be your wedding present.
Oh, I had no idea.
Never mind. It's all in the past now.
(sighs)
I think I shall excuse
myself for a walk.
Nigel.
You know who else's nostrils
are too close to their eyes?
Shh, stop it. She's my wife.
He's not around, is he, Samantha?
Henry? Uh, no, he's upstairs.
Good, because I don't want
to see his stupid face.
Will you see to it that
he gets these belongings?
Because I can't even bear
having them in my house.
Pair of fuzzy handcuffs.
Yeah, I could see how
that would be sentimental.
Margaret, have you come to take me back?
No, Henry, I've just
brought a few of your things.
I have nothing to say to you.
This guy wear more leather than Thor.
HENRY: Well, I have
something to say to you,
my love. I'm sorry.
For what?
For anything I might have done.
MARGARET: Unreal.
You don't even know what you did,
and you did something very hurtful,
and I might've let it slide,
but Samantha opened my
eyes the other night.
So this is your fault.
No, I was just making conversation.
Pete brought up the book.
She was drowning. I
threw her a lifeline.
Don't blame her. She's
just the messenger.
You're the gardener
who failed to water me.
Goodbye, Henry.
Ugh, now that is an exit line.
Good for you, girl.
- Margaret, no, please.
- (door opens)
- Are you doing something different with your hair?
- (door closes)
Thor think we past that, Henry.
You. You will pay for this.
Whoa, come on jam bros.
HENRY: No, don't "jam bro" me.
Your wife destroyed my
life. You are now a jam foe.
Okay, that's not bad,
and in this kind of emotional
state, very impressive.
I was just explaining a book.
HENRY: Tomorrow morning,
when the permit office
opens at 7:00 a.m.,
I will be first in line
to tell them about your
narrow pipe infraction!
Your restaurant is
about to be shut down!
Say goodbye to that dream.
Oh.
Uh, could I get a 6:30
wake-up call, please?
Thank you very much. Good night.
This is bad. This is very
bad. I mean, if he goes
to the permit office tomorrow morning,
they're gonna shut down our build
- and make us rip open all the walls again.
- Well,
when would we be able to open?
In a world where we could even
afford the repairs who knows?
I'm just saying, the man's
already in the building,
you don't even need to snatch him.
THORFINN: She revisiting
earlier "murder Farnsby" pitch.
Is most fun idea currently on table.
Here's a thought.
Obviously, you can't fix
the pipes before tomorrow morning,
but maybe you can fix the
Farnsbys' relationship.
Sass is saying we should try to get
Henry and Margaret back together.
Well, that's true.
He was gonna let the pipe thing slide
before he found out that
you ruined their marriage.
- That was Pete's fault.
- I pointed to a book.
THORFINN: Lady Farnsby did mention
there was one specific thing
- that she most angry about.
- SAMANTHA: Yes.
So we just need to
find out what Henry did
so that he can make up for it.
I guess I could talk to her.
No, 'cause then she's gonna
know that we know and we just
passed the information on to Henry.
She needs to think that
he remembered on his own.
If I may you have ghosts.
PETE: This sounds like a job
for the old property-leaving guy.
I can go over there and
talk to some of their ghosts.
No need. Thor yell. Nice
try, marriage ruiner.
Bjorn!
Have very important question for you!
Need to know why lady
Farnsby is mad at man Farnsby!
She says is very specific reason!
I know the answer, Father!
Man Farnsby forget anniversary!
Have heard her discussing
angrily on phone with her sister!
Jay, Thor's son is saying
that Henry forgot their
wedding anniversary.
Interesting.
She also mad about people who
turn around in her driveway!
Mind if I take a seat?
It's a free country, thanks to you.
I find it quite touching
you made an effort
to learn about my interests.
You are thoughtful and caring,
whereas I am selfish and inconsiderate.
And, honestly
I'm not sure I ever really deserved you.
That's a common sentiment in the shed.
I know I said it at the time,
and it doesn't begin to make up
for the way I've treated you, but
I am truly sorry.
Thank you.
I do think, in retrospect,
we may have been rushing into things,
or at least you were.
What do you mean?
You haven't had a lot of
experience, whereas I
Let's just say my body
count is quite high,
and I'm not talking about the war.
Okay, moving right along.
Here's an idea. What do you
think about I don't know
being friends?
I'd like that.
Good. Oh.
I'm glad we had this talk, Lieutenant.
(chuckles softly) So,
what's been going on in
the house since I moved out?
Oh, um, well, the Puritan moved out,
and Sam is a convicted witch.
I tried something new with my hair.
- Oh, did you, now?
- Yes, everyone loved it.
Oh.
(metal clanging in distance)
I confess I-I'm no
expert in manual labor,
but they don't appear to
be doing any actual work.
They're laying a trap for Henry Farnsby.
What is that infernal racket?
Why do you toil on
this doomed enterprise
that I will be burying
under red tape come sunup?
We toil, Henry, to lure you here.
Excuse me?
Sam, I got the merlot and
The Lovely Bones.
Let's get into it Henry.
What is he doing here?
SAMANTHA: He's here to surprise you
with your belated anniversary dinner.
What?
Our anniversary is why I
planned this dinner, my darling.
Oh, Henry, you finally remembered.
HENRY: Better late than never. I
have been a neglectful gardener,
and for that, I am sorry.
Can you believe it was 20 years ago
that we celebrated that magical event?
Our first group thing.
- Excuse me?
- Oh, that's what this is.
- This isn't their wedding anniversary?
- I don't know, Jay,
but it seems to be
working, just go with it.
MARGARET: I remember it
like it was yesterday.
I looked in your eyes, then
you looked in Phil's eyes,
then Phil looked in Brenda's eye
Well, you remember it, you were there.
Happy orgi-versary, my love.
Happy orgi-versary.
Let me show you to your seats.
I-I'll be right there, dear. Uh Uh,
about our little problem
I am happy to look the other way.
Thank you, jam bro.
You're welcome.
- Would you like to join us?
- God, no.
I mean (sighs) I
got to cook and stuff.
Of course.
- Hey, babe. Just to ask
- Hmm?
y-you think our marriage
is good, right? Like, um,
your chrysanthemum's being watered?
Of course, Jay.
It's just, if anything
ever was bothering you,
I just want us to be able
to communicate about it.
- Aw. You're the sweetest.
- Mm.
You know (clears throat)
now is not a bad time
to do a little gardening.
Okay, well, let me
just get my sun hat.
- What?
- I don't know. I'm not good with metaphors.
- Just shut up.
- Mm.
Mm.
It's a dinosaur lamp.
Can you believe it?
And it arrived so quickly.
Samantha ordered it
for me on Amazon Prime
since I heroically
surrendered the dinosaur bed.
Isaac very good at surrendering.
It changes color when
you press the button.
It's very neat. You have to see it.
But we can't press button.
Oh, not a problem. Sam!
Sam, I need you!
Sam! Sam!
- What's happening?
- ISAAC: The button!
This gift was a big mistake.
ISAAC: Sam !