Gilmore Girls s04e07 Episode Script
The Festival of Living Art
Morning.
Would you be horrified|if I started clipping coupons again? - Yes.
|- Then I won't.
- Wait.
Did you say "again"?|- I meant ever.
- When did you clip coupons before?|- I didn't.
I misspoke.
How is it that your dirty laundry|has increased exponentially since you started Yale? 'Cause I'm a dirty, filthy Yale girl now.
- I'm not gonna clip them.
|- Then I don't see the problem.
Just for the Fig Newtons, please.
- Well, that is|- Sucks.
That is totally sucks.
And they're on|their 200th guitarist audition.
They must be down to the deaf, dumb,|and blind ones.
- He found it.
|- Found what? The lost chord.
- So the washer is broken.
|- Yep.
You didn't mention that|when you saw me walk out - with my exponential amounts of laundry.
|- Sorry.
Or when I called from Yale to say that I had exponential amounts|of laundry to do.
You've totally co-opted my word.
Okay.
"Plethora.
" That's my word.
I have a plethora of dirty laundry|and nowhere to do it.
But you don't come home|to do your laundry.
You come home to see your mama.
No, this time I came home|to do my laundry.
All right.
I'll call the repairman ASAP.
- You hear that?|- What? - No music.
|- And the band's stopped playing, too.
- Hi, Lane.
|- How's it going there? You think she can hear us? I think out of self-defense|her ears have become vestigial organs.
- I'm not clipping coupons.
|- Then I don't see the problem.
It's your friendly neighborhood Lorelai.
I'm in the kitchen.
- Good morning.
|- Is it? Just spreading that|loving sunshine around, buddy? Lorelai, this is Bo, Jackson's brother.
|Bo, this is our friend, Lorelai.
Hi.
Come on.
- Let's leave Oscar Wilde to his reading.
|- What's with the 'tude? Jackson asked Bo to be here for the birth.
Which was supposed|to happen a week ago.
Bo's missing way more work|than he thought he would and he's letting me know it.
It would be nice if God gave us women a pop-up thing when a baby is done like on a turkey, but he chose not to.
- Hey, Jackson.
|- Hi.
This extra time is great.
|I'm getting so much done.
I know.
I'm still storing meals.
|I got two weeks' worth.
- Hey, Jackson.
|- Yeah, Bo.
- What day is it today?|- It's Saturday, Bo.
I get time-and-a-half on Saturdays.
It gets me my fun things.
|Otherwise, it's all just bill paying.
- Have I apologized to you enough?|- Yes, daddy, you have.
So, I got the plastic sheet on the bed.
|It's perfect.
- Excellent.
|- What's that for? - She doesn't know?|- Know about what? You ready? This is big.
It's really good.
I want you to slowly drink it in.
|No big gulps.
I'm ready to take a sip.
We're skipping the hospital|and having the baby here.
- Here in your house?|- In our bed.
Hence the sheet.
Got a honey of a sheet.
|It's the top of the line.
The little thing will come out and carom right down|into the catcher's arms.
While we all yell, "Hey, batter, batter"? He means the midwife.
|Got the best one on the eastern seaboard.
You look mystified.
No, it's just You guys have|done a lot of research on this, right? Millions of babies|have been born this way.
It's a great tradition.
And hospitals are so cold, you know,|so full of infections.
And dead people.
And sometimes|the dead people have infections.
- And if they're not dead yet, they die.
|- All true.
But the best thing about|having Davey or Colgate here: zero chance of bringing home|the wrong baby.
What comes out of her here, stays here.
I got something for you.
It's a baby pager.
It'll go off when Sookie's close.
Cute.
Scott Joplin seemed appropriately sunny.
I want you to be here|even if home birth disgusts you.
Of course I'll be here.
|Nothing could keep me away.
Extra buckets.
I gotta put it on the list.
Extra buckets? What's Never mind.
Excuse me.
Can my girlfriend|and I sit here? This is my girlfriend.
Hi.
- My girlfriend and I appreciate it.
|- Yes, thank you.
I got a pretty polite girlfriend.
- Should we be nervous about this?|- I don't know.
Did Taylor tell anyone|why he called an emergency meeting? He said nothing to me or my girlfriend.
I can't remember the last town|emergency meeting he called.
Me and my girlfriend can't either.
- Home birth?|- I was horrified, and I hid it horribly.
I wanted to be supportive,|but throw up at the same time.
A plastic sheet? I saw it.
It was the same one that boy who couldn't hold it had to use|in that after-school special.
- What was that called?|- It's Not Benny's Fault.
Oh, God.
It was so insane.
|It's what hospitals are for.
- Lane, there's a seat behind my girlfriend.
|- That's okay, Kirk.
Hi.
Get this.
I just found|the most amazing guitarist.
A phenom.
He was cool on the phone,|and we're meeting him tomorrow.
- That's great.
|- I'm trying not to get my hopes up but I've already figured out|that our spin cover should be against a blood-red backdrop|with a skull hovering over us.
Well, very Norman Rockwell.
- That woman's staring at me.
|- Mrs.
Van Uppity? Maybe you're just her type.
People, thank you for assembling|on such short notice.
What's up, Taylor? My girlfriend was wondering that, too.
As you know, every year,|one lucky town in Connecticut gets to host|The Festival of Living Pictures a show which presents|onstage re-creations of famous works of art:|statues, paintings, et cetera with real people|posing as the figures in the art.
We hosted it seven years ago,|successfully, I might add.
- Yeah, it was a blast.
|- Definitely.
My girlfriend's gonna love this.
The town of Woodbury|was supposed to host it this year but because of recent flooding,|they canceled at the last minute and I offered Stars Hollow to be the host.
How does that sound? - Cool.
|- Yeah, sign us up.
Yeah, Taylor,|you finally did something right.
Your beard is so sexy.
How much time do we have? One week.
And as per tradition we need to come up|with one original re-creation to go with all the others|that are in the show every year.
- Well, that's not a lot of time.
|- Yeah, Taylor, is it even possible? It will have to be.
I've already assured Hank,|who is the Taylor Doose of Woodbury that we'd take it over successfully.
It's a challenge, people, but doable.
Now, I would like to introduce you|to a key player in our execution of this endeavor the head of the Connecticut Arts Council,|Buff Otis.
- It's your future wife.
|- Shut up.
Would you like to say|a few words, Mrs.
Otis? Your enthusiasm shocks me.
- Is that good?|- Hard to tell.
- It might be.
|- Scary broad.
I will be managing the event|and emceeing.
Miss Patty, you will be stage managing.
Lorelai, if you could help|organize the costumes.
I'm here for you|and your sexy beard, Taylor.
Everyone should sign up now|if you want to be considered to be cast in one of the re-creations.
Mrs.
Otis and I|will make the final decisions.
You're gonna be the girl|in that Renoir painting again, right? You were such a doll in that.
I'm sure I can be persuaded.
This is an enormous challenge, people but I say we do it, and do it well.
Meeting adjourned.
- Wait.
|- Why? I want to see if she asks you out.
I wonder if I want to be something|other than the Renoir girl.
I'm sorry.
The audience has come|to expect you in the role of Renoir girl you can't disappoint them.
It's a plum role.
True.
Sorry I took so long.
I was dealing|with more divorce lawyer stuff.
Good Lord,|is Nicole's lawyer still harassing you? No, mine was.
Please don't point out the irony|of my paying a lawyer to work for me.
Then you're gonna owe me something else|I can ironically comment on.
Fine.
What was|that emergency meeting all about? We're hosting|The Festival of Living Pictures again.
- Joy.
|- His lack of enthusiasm shocks me.
You're involving yourself in this thing?|It's a stupid waste of time.
I just thought of the perfect painting|for Luke to be in: Cranky Guy in Baseball Cap.
Was that Manet or Monet? That was mustard on my hamburger|and a side of fries.
She's the queen of segues.
She's the queen of something.
|You want your usual? Yes, please.
Maybe I'll just be a backstage person|this year.
There's less pressure.
|You don't have to get made up and What are they doing? Well, I bet she's coming to- And no more|inappropriate lesbian references, please.
All right.
You know what? I bet you're in line|for the new painting they're cooking up.
I feel like a used car.
- Turn to the side.
|- What? Turn to the side.
|We need to see your profile.
- Just what I thought.
|- This is a violation of my civil rights.
You better do what John Ashcroft says|or they may follow us home.
Unbelievable.
Other way.
I'm a Yale student, for God's sake.
Thank you.
- Crazy, doofus town.
|- Yeah.
Let's not loiter around|the cast sheets, people.
Find your name and then move on.
Cool.
I'm gonna be some statue.
You're "The Reaper," Andrew a prize work at Versailles|and a prize role, not some statue.
So I get to be painted all white? Yes, that's what that means.
Hi, Taylor.
|When are the costumes getting here? Hank in Woodbury|swears they're en route but you got to double and triple check|with that guy.
- Hank's the you in Woodbury.
|- A real ninny.
He's praying we don't pull this off,|but that only inspires me to work harder.
I need to see the list.
- Watch the elbows, Kirk.
|- I just need to see the list.
He's going to be very happy.
- What'd you get, Kirk?|- Christ in "The Last Supper.
" The big kahuna.
I'm gonna do it right, too.
Lots of research.
|What's a good book to read? - The Bible.
|- Right.
Where are my apostles?|Where are my homeboys? - James, son of Alphaeus, give me five.
|- All right.
Simon the Canaanite,|don't leave me hanging.
- I say we celebrate.
How about Shakey's?|- Cool.
That is one happy Christ.
It was nice of you guys to give him that.
I wanted to show you this.
|It's our original picture.
We think Rory would be perfect for it.
It's called|Portrait of a Young GirI Named Anthea.
That's Rory! - Do you think she'll do it?|- You got some sway with me.
- Good.
|- Hey, I'm confused.
I should go make my calls.
I'm not the Renoir girl.
Really? I didn't realize that.
Patty, I'm the spitting image|of the Renoir girl.
I played her seven years ago|and received the proper accolades.
- This is a mistake.
|- Maybe.
- Taylor?|- Yes, Lorelai.
I'm not listed as the Renoir girl.
|Is that a mistake? Frankly, no, it's not.
Okay, I'm not listed|as anything else either.
That's also correct.
|You'll be helping with costumes.
Why am I not the Renoir girl?|I'm the spitting image.
- You are.
Your look is perfect.
|- Then why am I not the Renoir girl? - I really have to tell you why?|- Yes, you do.
- You flinched.
|- I what? Seven years ago, the curtain opened you were posed in the painting,|then you flinched noticeably.
- I did not flinch.
|- We thought you were having an attack.
- I did not flinch.
|- You almost knocked Terrence over.
- I did not!|- The whole town saw it.
And with Hank from Woodbury|looking over my shoulder I'm not taking any risks.
- Patty, please back me up here.
|- Honey, I'm sorry.
You flinched! - Big time.
|- You almost knocked Terrence over.
Yeah, you screwed the pooch,|so you're out.
I'm sorry.
So, you'll ask Rory about the painting? - It's humiliating!|- You and the Renoir girl.
It was a lock.
Yeah, until this smear campaign.
There's a lot of tension in the air here.
- It's midterms.
|- You seem calm.
Well, on the outside.
Is this what you're using,|Dream Fresh Laundry Powder? - It's a new brand.
|- It's an off brand.
It leaves your clothes|with that dream-fresh scent.
You used a coupon, didn't you? Thirty five cents off or not,|I still would have chosen Dream Fresh.
So, who'd they pick for the Renoir girl? - Carol Dandridge.
|- Carol Dandridge? Carol Dandruff from now on.
Okay, now, don't take it out on poor Carol.
|It's not like she lobbied for it.
I bet she did.
That would be just like|that old Porky Doody-dridge.
You're really bummed about this,|aren't you? On the outside, I am a mature adult who's able to put setbacks like this|in their proper place.
On the inside, I just want to wear|that pretty dress again.
You will.
Yeah, if a brick lands on Taylor's head,|and he suddenly likes me again.
You don't need a brick.
|You have me.
I'll take care of it.
What are you talking about? You'll be the Renoir girl, end of story.
- How?|- If they want an Anthea for "Portrait of a Young GirI"|Named Anthea then they're going to have|to have you for the Renoir girl.
Look at you folding your laundry|all haughty and powerful.
Bada-bing, all over his nice Ivy league suit.
Rory, you couldn't do that.
Come on.
It would be embarrassing|and manipulative.
Can you do it tonight? I'll wait until the Anthea costume|is perfectly fitted to my specifications.
- Then we won't have no surprises.
|- I am in awe.
- Pass me the Dream Fresh.
|- I wouldn't dare not to.
I don't know about you,|but I'm completely jazzed about this.
This is the first time|I've been excited about playing since Dave.
If he's half as good as his tape,|I'm gonna plotz.
Can we help you? - Yeah, I'm looking for Lane.
|- I'm Lane.
- Am I late?|- For? - The audition.
|- For? I'm Gil! Gil.
Gil.
No, you're right on time.
Come on in.
- Primo space.
|- Yeah.
- Primo.
|- How are you guys doing? I'm Brian.
- Zach.
|- Where do you guys want me? - Right there is good.
|- Cool.
How's your research coming along, Kirk? Good.
Although I got off to a slow start.
I didn't realize Jesus|wasn't in the Old Testament till I hit Page 368.
- Hey, Taylor.
|- Hello.
I took a quick survey of the costumes.
Looks like everything's here|and accounted for.
- And the Renoir girl dress still fits you?|- Like a glove.
So help me, if you make me look bad|in front of Hank from Woodbury - there is gonna be hell to pay.
|- Okay.
Sorry.
I'm here for a fitting.
You've come to the right place.
|What are you in? The Last Supper.
You must be one of my missing apostles.
|Still haven't met them all.
I'm Christ.
- It's gonna be a lot of fun.
|- Definitely.
- Which apostle are you?|- Judas.
- So, where do I go for my fitting?|- I think you know where you're going, pal.
Right through that flap.
I'll meet you there.
Thanks.
So I heard you and all the apostles|are going to Shakey's later.
You heard wrong, friend.
|We're not going to Shakey's.
- Okay.
Maybe some other time.
|- Yeah.
Some other time.
Man, you guys are fantastic! - Yeah, you, too.
|- Yeah.
Really good, Gil.
I mean, it's tight.
You know, it feels right.
- Definitely.
|- It's got a feel that- - Feels right.
|- Yeah.
- You want to do another one?|- Sure.
Just give me one minute to call work.
I own a sandwich shop in Salisbury and I gotta check in|every once in a while, or it's chaos.
I'll be right back.
Awesome, guys.
Really.
Back at you.
Becky, hey.
How'd it go this morning? - Yeah.
|- He's Old.
- Just say it, dude.
Grandpa's old.
|- He's not a grandpa.
- Did you know how old he was?|- He sounded young on the phone.
Right here, he's got some lines.
|That blows my mind.
- What is he, late 30s?|- Pushing 40.
Forty? He was alive|before man walked on the moon.
Don't do that, man.
|You're freaking me out.
Let's not be overdramatic, guys.
|He is an incredible guitarist.
He's had a lot of time to practice.
And the bicentennial, he was alive for that.
This is the best we've sounded|since Dave, and he's really- - Elderly.
|- Excited.
- He was our age when we were born.
|- He thinks we're great.
- There were no CDs when he was born.
|- Stop it, man.
I mean it.
Maybe there's a way to offset his oldness.
Put a hat on him.
|Dress him up like Angus Young in AC/DC that schoolboy outfit.
He could've seen AC/DC|with the original lead singer.
And 1980 is when that guy choked|on his own vomit.
That's old.
- You want to stop the audition?|- We shouldn't be rude.
- Good.
|- Fine.
We'll keep going.
But, remember, any new member|has to be approved by all of us.
So one vote against,|and he's back at bingo.
I know.
Cindy knows where|the extra prosciutto is, Kevin.
Ask her.
Come on.
I've told you before.
|When I'm not there, Cindy is me, okay? I'll check in later.
Bye.
Kids, man.
In one ear and out the other.
Come on.
Let's rock! - Hey.
|- Hi.
Balloons! Sad, little, droopy balloons.
We got them too soon.
- You feeling okay?|- Fine.
Bruce just suggested|a little afternoon rest.
- Bruce? Who's he?|- She.
- It's a last name.
|- Who's she? Best midwife on the eastern seaboard.
So it's gonna be another $50|to change the flight again? That's six-and-a-half hours' take home|after taxes, disability, and FICA.
And the Oscar|for the biggest blubber baby goes to No, go ahead.
Put me down for it.
I got no choice.
Thanks.
- She sounded hot.
|- Bo, why don't you go take a little walk? You know, go do something.
Yeah, good idea.
But there's nothing to do in this hick town,|not like back in Bogalusa.
Why don't you come help me|pick the zucchini in the back? I got a couple of giant MiracleGro ones|out there.
- It'll tickle you.
|- That might be something.
Well, you can cut the sexual tension|with a knife.
Don't joke.
The bedroom is now prepared|for the baby.
Your husband tried,|but he screwed up, so I fixed it.
- Thank you, Bruce.
|- There's someone new here.
Bruce, this is my best friend|I was telling you about, Lorelai.
- Hello.
|- Hi.
I heard you were the best midwife|on the eastern seaboard.
May I call you Bruce? - Everyone does.
|- Then I will call you Bruce.
- You're anti-midwife.
|- Pardon me? There's anti-midwife energy in this room,|and it wasn't here when I left it.
It's not coming from me.
Yeah, Bruce,|Lorelai is pro-you all the way.
I'll be in the bedroom.
That woman's got strong hands.
She ate a whole jar|of crunchy peanut butter in one sitting.
I would want a woman just like that|yanking the baby out of me.
- Please lay on your side, Sookie.
|- Yeah, sorry.
This is the position I'm going to be in|for the baby.
She wants me to get used to it.
Less tearing this way.
- Smack that image right out of my head.
|- I beg your pardon? You know, Bruce spent two years in China|educating poor villagers on female issues.
I hear they got great Chinese food there.
A card.
You're the friend|who's going to be there, right? With rings on my fingers|and bells on my toes.
- You'll leave the negativity at home?|- Bruce, I swear, I am Miss Positivity.
I swear I am not anti-midwife.
I mean, that would be as dumb|as being anti-best friend.
Don't you think? You're the one who asked me out|to pick zucchinis.
Right.
Pick them, not kick them.
You used to be fun.
|Now you're just a big-city phony.
- Bo, what did I say before?|- I wasn't listening.
The baby will come when the baby comes.
|We're all here to serve the baby.
- Jackson.
|- What? - How are you serving the baby?|- I could go get more balloons.
Good.
|And, Bo, how are you serving the baby? - I could help Jackson with balloons.
|- You need two men for that? - I could get flowers.
|- Good.
Okay.
|We're going to get balloons and flowers.
- She didn't give me any instructions.
|- Yeah.
- Should I move?|- I wouldn't yet.
- This is nice.
|- It is a beautiful day.
Good suggestion.
You think Bruce was|trying to get rid of us? You, yes.
But Bruce is there for the baby,|and I've got the baby.
- Have you checked that recently?|- What? Are you sure she hasn't taken the baby and shoved a pillow there|when you weren't looking? - My God!|- What? You haven't popped yet.
- Not yet.
|- It's like an elephant's gestation.
Thanks for the very welcome|perspective on that, Andrew.
- How's the research going, Kirk?|- Good.
I'm using the clothing|to get into character and I've been focusing on historical foods.
Christ ate a lot of lentils.
- No utensils back then?|- No, they had utensils.
This is a disaster, an unmitigated disaster! What happened? We're missing half the table|for "The Last Supper.
" Drag.
This is Hank from Woodbury's doing.
That little fink only shipped|half the table on purpose.
No, I just talked to him, Taylor and he swears|he shipped everything they had.
Let's think here.
|There's got to be a way to do this.
Just add a card table to the end,|or some TV trays.
It'll be like a funky "Last Supper.
" "The Last Supper" cannot be funky.
Or we could just make do|with what we have and crowd all the apostles around it.
- Or eliminate some of the apostles.
|- This is not going to work.
I think we're just gonna|have to throw in the towel.
I think you might be right, Taylor.
|This just might be a sign to pack it in.
- So, no festival?|- No festival.
I have to keep moving.
Okay, start packing it up, people.
- You would fold?|- What was that, Kirk? You would fold due simply to hardship? Not now, Kirk.
|Keep everything where it is, guys.
No reason to unload it just to load it again.
Would you follow blind guides which strain at a gnat|and swallow a camel? That's your blood sugar talking, sweetie.
|Eat a candy bar.
- This is but a crisis of faith.
|- I said not now, Kirk.
Let him talk.
What's the harm? When the road to your destination|is revealed to be long and dusty is your destination's value so diminished? Well, I suppose not, but still- If a storm mars your camp for the night,|is it wise to search for high ground or hold your camp|till the light of new day? Well, it's something to think about.
A crisis of faith can be delivered,|but one must believe to be delivered.
No way am I building that table out|for them.
No way.
Anyone ask you to, José? - No, but they're going to.
|- They'll just get Tom to do it.
The contractor?|He's too busy with his own stuff.
You having twins? - No.
|- You sure? Let me think for another millisecond.
No.
Looks like you're having twins.
You're gonna make me|fall in love with you.
It would take me hours.
- What would?|- The table.
It's got to be built out|in forced perspective.
It's complicated.
Throw a stick,|and you can find someone to fix that table.
So grab a stick and throw it,|because I'm not doing it.
- No one asked you to.
|- Not yet.
Remain true to the will|that brought you to where you are.
- I'm hungry.
Let's get something.
|- Check out the group.
hope is something to be shared.
- There might be loaves and fishes.
|- I had fish last night.
the light that we have in all of us.
|Do not heed the naysayers.
They will not lead you|down the proper road.
- Hey, Rory.
|- Dig the sounds coming from that garage.
They sound amazing.
I was over there before.
|That new guitarist yum, like a long-haired cake.
- Sounds like a winner.
|- You gonna check him out? Yeah, Lane called|and asked me to come down and drink in the whole picture.
I got dibs on the new hunk.
Really tight, guys, but it's getting late.
|I gotta go.
Go rest.
Gil, this is my friend Rory.
It's her house.
- You guys sound great.
|- Don't you think? These guys are gonna be|as good as Pink Floyd.
Nice topical reference.
- Lane, you got my number?|- Yeah, Gil, I've got your number.
- Great.
So we'll talk later?|- We'll talk later.
Take it easy.
Bye.
Okay, Zach, shut up for a minute.
|I want to hear what Rory has to say.
I didn't tell her what she was walking into,|so she's our fresh eyes here.
He's great.
- And?|- Experienced.
And Babbette thinks he's really cute,|so she's got dibs.
And he moves great.
- The jump was cool.
|- I was afraid he was gonna break a hip.
Well, he's our only prospect.
And maybe that schoolboy outfit|is worth a shot.
- Yeah?|- Look, you're all fooling yourselves here.
Bottom line:|dude rocks, but dude's too old.
I vote "no.
" Okay, I guess that's that, then.
- That's that.
|- And that could be that for the band.
- That could be that, too.
|- Okay.
- Identify yourself!|- It's me.
- Who?|- Me! - Sookie?|- It's not coming out.
My God.
It's 1:00 in the morning.
It's lodged in there.
|It's stuck, for God's sake.
- It's not coming out!|- You're insane.
And it's growing all the time,|just getting bigger and bigger.
I've forgotten what it's like|not to be expanding.
I'll get so huge, I'll be the fat guy|in Monty Python's "Meaning of Life.
" I'll explode and slime the whole room.
|People could die.
Honey, sit down.
Wrap this around you.
That Andrew.
I hate that he was right,|that pasty-faced bastard.
- Right about what?|- No, I can't sit.
Right about what? I looked up an elephant's gestation period.
|Twenty-two months! - You're not an elephant.
|- But baby doesn't know that.
Why would baby think you're an elephant? Because he's tiny and stupid|and floating around in a sack of fluid.
He doesn't know his butt|from a hole in the ground.
What happened? You know, an elephant|squirted me once at the zoo.
Maybe it shot something on me,|some kind of elephant gestation juice.
Honey, I mean tonight.
What happened? You were fine.
|Where did the freak-out come from? Are you listening? It's not coming out! The ship's too big,|and the bottle's too small.
You have to sit down and rest.
For two hours, I've been doing|everything I can to make it come out.
I've jumped, jiggled, shimmied.
Add a feather boa, I could book you|on the burlesque circuit.
My pain is funny to you.
No, but you shouldn't be|hopscotching around town trying to get the baby out.
- That's not how it works.
|- It's my mother's fault.
She fed me too much roughage as a kid.
Bran and granola and rapini.
And now my insides|are all rough and grabby and Davey can't work his way out|of my sandpaper innards.
I want booze.
I want a Manhattan|and a scotch and a beer and a Rob Roy and a sidecar.
But I can't, and I'm mad about that.
I want to give birth! I would give you a hug|if you would sit still for one second.
Yours came out.
How'd you get yours out? I swallowed a map.
Cut the freaking vagueness.
|Why is it you mothers don't want to pass down your wisdom|to other mothers? You're selfish.
- Please stop jiggling.
|- Not till I'm skinny.
All right, bouncy San Pedro,|can I just show you something here? You can show me your sweet tuchus|as long as I can keep jiggling.
Fine, keep jiggling.
I was just going through something.
|I thought you might be interested.
It's from 1984.
- The book?|- No, the year.
It's my baby box.
It's full of all these little things mementos and stuff|from the night Rory was born.
I haven't taken it out in ages.
Mine's not getting a box|because mine's not coming out.
My Walkman with|the homemade compilation tape still in it.
some R.
E.
M.
, some Thompson Twins.
I never cared for them.
The magazine I was reading that night|with a special feature on who's hotter Andrew McCarthy or Emilio Estevez.
They're both dogs.
My Bubblicious gum necklace,|my Chunky wrapper.
I do like the Chunkys.
I'd like bourbon better,|but I do like the Chunkys.
- John's digits.
|- John who? He was volunteering at the hospital.
He said,|"Call me when you get your figure back.
" Sweet talker.
And for me, it was always Emilio 'cause he's kind of nasty.
Same here.
Rory's first jumper.
- Bananarama?|- I made it out of one of my t-shirts.
This was the first thing I ever|made her, ever made.
It was post-Gilmore economy.
|Look how tiny.
- Tiny.
|- She was the most beautiful pink all over.
She even smelled pink.
It sounds weird.
I can't describe it.
|That little, pink, baby smell.
The first time her eyes focused on me and her little fingers reached out I was someone new.
She had me.
- Emilio.
|- Rory.
We're five minutes away from|the starting gate, people.
Five minutes.
My God! You guys look so cute.
It was just seven short years ago that I was a Chinese acrobat just like you.
You smell.
And we respected our elders|when I was a little Chinese acrobat.
I hate kids.
Looking good.
Everybody, big night, huh? Hi, Kirk.
- Hello.
|- Anyone sitting here? - You have to go somewhere else.
|- Miss Patty said- - You have to go somewhere else.
|- Okay.
Perhaps there's an empty chair|next to one of your friends say, the High Priest Caiaphas? - Maybe he can accommodate you.
|- I guess so.
Rory, one of those little acrobat boys|told me my breath smells stinky.
- They're running wild.
|- Acro-brats, I call them.
- Nice.
Got your ferret.
|- He looks mean.
I don't think there's any such thing|as a friendly ferret and definitely not a cute one.
Yeah, they got dealt a rough card,|those ferrets.
Art Nouveau Clock Girl, hands off the face.
Art Nouveau Clock Girl touched her face?|This place is bedlam.
Relax, Taylor.
We're right on schedule.
|Have a cigarette.
- I don't smoke.
|- Could you start? Taylor, look, your cousin came|to visit you backstage to say hello.
Hello.
|What a pretty night it is for a festival.
Do you have a mouse?|I'm feeling a bit peckish.
- Put that down.
|- Just trying to lighten the mood.
It's too late.
That Hank from Woodbury|is sitting front-row center just trying to psych me out.
- Everybody's ready, Taylor.
|- I hope everybody is ready.
Let's all be friends.
Can I nibble your neck? He's really|got his knickers in a twist tonight.
- Talk more like a ferret.
|- Sorry.
Time to attach it.
- So, is Sookie okay?|- She's great.
- Still big, still waiting, but she's fine.
|- Oh, good.
Was she the one shaking me|in the middle of the night, yelling: "What motivated you|to come out of your mother?" She got a little spooked.
- There.
You're beautiful, Anthea.
|- I feel very painty.
- I gotta go change.
Freeze good.
|- I will.
The time approaches.
I am ready.
You might want to check|that Gumby-Pokey watch, Kirk.
Right.
Sorry.
And it's a collectible,|not a toy.
It's an adult It's very valuable.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am Taylor Doose.
Welcome to the 43rd Annual Connecticut|Festival of Living Pictures.
As you may know, the town of Woodbury|was supposed to host this year's festival but due to their recent flooding,|Woodbury backed out.
They got a little moisture over there|and basically said: "Oh, well, whatever, never mind.
" But the town of Stars Hollow|was happy to step in because this vital tradition must continue.
The Festival of Living Pictures has a storied history.
Cecilia.
That's a very pretty name.
|Very pretty.
Keep it in your pants, Andrew.
Okay, listen up, people.
|The Fire Department is out here because some dingbat parked|in the red zone.
Now, I warned you guys|about parking there.
So, who is it? Come on, speak up|or you're gonna be towed.
Who is it? I saw it when I came in.
|I think that's Kirk's.
- You Judas!|- Go move it, Kirk.
Just trying to help.
Shouldn't you kiss me on the cheek|before you betray me? - You're gonna get towed.
|- Just keep away from me, pal.
I'm getting tired|of your holier-than-thou attitude.
I mean it! Rory, go.
You're on.
Art Nouveau Clock Girl,|you got your Zippo on you? Our first tableau was created by the talented craftsmen|in our little town.
It is a painting by the Italian master,|Girolamo Parmigianino.
He was born in Parma|and was of the Mannerist school becoming a master portraitist blending the sensual style|with the classical style of Raphael as you can see in his Portrait of a Young GirI Named Anthea.
Five minutes to "The Last Supper," people.
|Five minutes.
Oh, my God! Christ, Judas, stop fighting! You apostles, what good are you?|Get in there and stop them.
Hey, guys, come on.
If I've re-pulled my calf muscle,|you are so getting it! So perform a miracle|and un-pull it, you jerk! You're a blasphemer.
|You're a blasphemer and a traitor! And let's face it.
You're unattractive.
Okay, we got no time for this.
Get your butts on that stage.
Apostles, keep Christ and Judas apart.
Da Vinci's "Last Supper" has become one of the most revered|masterpieces in the world.
This majestic fresco|was completed in 1498 and its prestige has never diminished.
You've been a jerk from the start.
What about Shakey's? You all went out without me,|and you lied about it.
- You're imagining things.
|- Simon Peter said so.
James, the son of Alphaeus, Lebbaeus.
|They all said so.
When did you speak with Lebbaeus? If you two don't shut up,|I'm gonna stick these papier-mâché rolls down your throats! That's it.
Curtain.
And so now may we present|The Last Supper.
So, I was good?|The ferret didn't upstage me? The ferret underplayed it nicely.
Isn't that that guitarist? It is.
It's Gil.
Rats, I was gonna call him tomorrow|with the bad news.
You could just walk away rudely.
I'll say a quick hello|and tell him I'll call him tomorrow.
Hey, Lane.
- Trippy, huh?|- Totally.
How you doing, Gil? Great.
I saw the flyers.
|I thought I'd come check it out.
Cool.
Great.
Yeah.
Don't sweat it, okay? - What do you mean?|- It's okay.
I know I'm not in the band.
I picked up the vibe.
The age difference.
|It doesn't bother me, but it's a little weird.
Maybe a little.
- It's cool, really.
|- Good.
You're a great guy, Gil,|and a great guitarist.
- Someone's gonna scoop you up quick.
|- I hope so.
I'm gonna keep going no matter what,|not like last time.
Last time? Yeah, I had another band, a great band,|the hottest band in LA.
We sold out all the clubs,|The House of Blues, The Whiskey.
And our guys were hanging out.
We had an awesome demo with Tunes,|then we got our big break: an opening slot|on a national tour with Quiet Riot.
But we blew it.
We were fighting all the time|over money, over chicks.
- We broke up before the tour even started.
|- Oh, no.
It killed me.
|I didn't touch my axe for years.
I just got a day gig and lived my life.
Then a few months ago,|I picked up my guitar and I realized how much I missed it.
So I went out looking again,|and that's how you got my tape.
But I'm not stopping this time|for anything.
I'm gonna keep going until it happens.
But thanks for letting me play|with you guys.
It was a blast.
You're fantastic.
Well, get used to playing with us, Gil,|'cause you're in the band.
- Really?|- Really.
- No way!|- Way.
My God! This is so cool! I can't believe it! I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow.
|Honey, kids, I am in the band.
- All right.
|- Yes.
Our guitarist is married.
You made his kids happy, too.
You guys watched the first two "Matrixe"s|on DVD together, too.
- I heard all about it.
|- Get away from me.
"The Last Supper," ladies and gentlemen.
Serene, wasn't it? Better order quick.
We're closing - soon.
|- Surprise.
I'll say.
Lots of nuttiness going on out there.
Yeah, it's The Festival of Nutty Pictures.
You successfully avoid the nuttiness? For the most part, yeah.
|Christ's table was broken, so I fixed it.
He's a carpenter.
|He should have fixed it himself.
Speaking of nutty - all this, you and me.
|- Yeah.
If it happened to anyone else, I'd laugh.
About what? Getting married is what broke us up.
|You gotta love the irony.
Yeah, it is a little ironic.
Luke, I'm not gonna say that|getting married on that ship like we did wasn't wrong.
We should have thought more about it.
But maybe rushing into divorce|would be just as wrong.
- What are you talking about?|- We're still you and me.
- Why can't we have what we had before?|- Which was? - Two people who loved being together.
|- We're in the middle of a divorce.
- We can postpone it.
|- We can? I'm a lawyer.
I know these things.
- Postpone it and do what?|- Date.
- Date?|- Remember? That was the fun part.
So what you're saying is|we get back together not divorce, but not be married either? I guess.
I know it sounds stupid,|but it doesn't feel stupid.
Does it? Picasso's "Guernica," everybody.
Wasn't that something? Our next work is found|in the gardens of Versailles in the country of our former ally, France.
It is one of more than 2,000 sculptures to be found in that famed garden.
I'd like to turn your attention now to our town's beloved gazebo|for "The Reaper.
" Okay, our statue's done.
Stamp it, ship it.
Terrence and Lorelai, our Renoir couple,|you're up next.
Be ready.
I'm just about done here, Patty.
|Just give me one second.
Okay, I'm just saying two-minute warning.
Terrence, get into place.
My aching feet will never forgive me.
You ready for your close-up,|Miss Desmond? Just about.
Grand finale's a great way|to close this thing.
I don't know why|everybody's rushing me like this.
Mom.
You okay? - Yeah.
No.
|- No? My heart is going a million miles a second.
|I feel hot.
Is my makeup running? No, Mom, you look great.
What's wrong? - I flinched.
|- What? Seven years ago, on this very stage,|in this very costume I flinched.
- No, you didn't.
|- Yes, I did.
You weren't watching.
I was in denial.
I just didn't want Taylor to be right,|but he was.
I flinched.
So what? You flinched a little.
|I bet most people didn't see it.
Stevie Wonder could've seen it.
|I almost knocked Terrence down.
I flinched.
I am a big fat flincher.
- But that was a long time ago.
|- Once a flincher, always a flincher.
No, Mom.
That was seven years ago.
|You're different now.
Yeah, I am.
I'm less stable.
My muscles are weaker|and my bones are more fragile.
There are a dozen more ways|for me to wobble now.
I'm a Weeble, and Weebles wobble.
|I'm gonna blow the whole finale and the town is gonna hate me.
Mom, listen,|you are in amazing physical shape.
This is mental.
You can beat it.
How? 'Cause you can.
- No specifics?|- Not really.
- I need something.
|- Close your eyes and think of England.
Okay.
And know that I love you|no matter what happens up there and go be still.
England.
She's not gonna flinch, is she? Is she? made Pierre Auguste Renoir one of the world's most beloved painters.
So, to close our triumphant evening we give you his incomparable|Dance at BougivaI.
Good girl.
Keep it up.
Oh, no.
- What the hell is that?|- It's Sookie's baby pager.
"Oy" to the "vey.
" I can't look.
Keep frozen.
What's happening? That's it.
Curtain.
Ladies and gentlemen thank you for making tonight|such a success.
On behalf of the town of Stars Hollow we bid you "adieu"|from The Festival of Living Pictures.
Bravo! English
Would you be horrified|if I started clipping coupons again? - Yes.
|- Then I won't.
- Wait.
Did you say "again"?|- I meant ever.
- When did you clip coupons before?|- I didn't.
I misspoke.
How is it that your dirty laundry|has increased exponentially since you started Yale? 'Cause I'm a dirty, filthy Yale girl now.
- I'm not gonna clip them.
|- Then I don't see the problem.
Just for the Fig Newtons, please.
- Well, that is|- Sucks.
That is totally sucks.
And they're on|their 200th guitarist audition.
They must be down to the deaf, dumb,|and blind ones.
- He found it.
|- Found what? The lost chord.
- So the washer is broken.
|- Yep.
You didn't mention that|when you saw me walk out - with my exponential amounts of laundry.
|- Sorry.
Or when I called from Yale to say that I had exponential amounts|of laundry to do.
You've totally co-opted my word.
Okay.
"Plethora.
" That's my word.
I have a plethora of dirty laundry|and nowhere to do it.
But you don't come home|to do your laundry.
You come home to see your mama.
No, this time I came home|to do my laundry.
All right.
I'll call the repairman ASAP.
- You hear that?|- What? - No music.
|- And the band's stopped playing, too.
- Hi, Lane.
|- How's it going there? You think she can hear us? I think out of self-defense|her ears have become vestigial organs.
- I'm not clipping coupons.
|- Then I don't see the problem.
It's your friendly neighborhood Lorelai.
I'm in the kitchen.
- Good morning.
|- Is it? Just spreading that|loving sunshine around, buddy? Lorelai, this is Bo, Jackson's brother.
|Bo, this is our friend, Lorelai.
Hi.
Come on.
- Let's leave Oscar Wilde to his reading.
|- What's with the 'tude? Jackson asked Bo to be here for the birth.
Which was supposed|to happen a week ago.
Bo's missing way more work|than he thought he would and he's letting me know it.
It would be nice if God gave us women a pop-up thing when a baby is done like on a turkey, but he chose not to.
- Hey, Jackson.
|- Hi.
This extra time is great.
|I'm getting so much done.
I know.
I'm still storing meals.
|I got two weeks' worth.
- Hey, Jackson.
|- Yeah, Bo.
- What day is it today?|- It's Saturday, Bo.
I get time-and-a-half on Saturdays.
It gets me my fun things.
|Otherwise, it's all just bill paying.
- Have I apologized to you enough?|- Yes, daddy, you have.
So, I got the plastic sheet on the bed.
|It's perfect.
- Excellent.
|- What's that for? - She doesn't know?|- Know about what? You ready? This is big.
It's really good.
I want you to slowly drink it in.
|No big gulps.
I'm ready to take a sip.
We're skipping the hospital|and having the baby here.
- Here in your house?|- In our bed.
Hence the sheet.
Got a honey of a sheet.
|It's the top of the line.
The little thing will come out and carom right down|into the catcher's arms.
While we all yell, "Hey, batter, batter"? He means the midwife.
|Got the best one on the eastern seaboard.
You look mystified.
No, it's just You guys have|done a lot of research on this, right? Millions of babies|have been born this way.
It's a great tradition.
And hospitals are so cold, you know,|so full of infections.
And dead people.
And sometimes|the dead people have infections.
- And if they're not dead yet, they die.
|- All true.
But the best thing about|having Davey or Colgate here: zero chance of bringing home|the wrong baby.
What comes out of her here, stays here.
I got something for you.
It's a baby pager.
It'll go off when Sookie's close.
Cute.
Scott Joplin seemed appropriately sunny.
I want you to be here|even if home birth disgusts you.
Of course I'll be here.
|Nothing could keep me away.
Extra buckets.
I gotta put it on the list.
Extra buckets? What's Never mind.
Excuse me.
Can my girlfriend|and I sit here? This is my girlfriend.
Hi.
- My girlfriend and I appreciate it.
|- Yes, thank you.
I got a pretty polite girlfriend.
- Should we be nervous about this?|- I don't know.
Did Taylor tell anyone|why he called an emergency meeting? He said nothing to me or my girlfriend.
I can't remember the last town|emergency meeting he called.
Me and my girlfriend can't either.
- Home birth?|- I was horrified, and I hid it horribly.
I wanted to be supportive,|but throw up at the same time.
A plastic sheet? I saw it.
It was the same one that boy who couldn't hold it had to use|in that after-school special.
- What was that called?|- It's Not Benny's Fault.
Oh, God.
It was so insane.
|It's what hospitals are for.
- Lane, there's a seat behind my girlfriend.
|- That's okay, Kirk.
Hi.
Get this.
I just found|the most amazing guitarist.
A phenom.
He was cool on the phone,|and we're meeting him tomorrow.
- That's great.
|- I'm trying not to get my hopes up but I've already figured out|that our spin cover should be against a blood-red backdrop|with a skull hovering over us.
Well, very Norman Rockwell.
- That woman's staring at me.
|- Mrs.
Van Uppity? Maybe you're just her type.
People, thank you for assembling|on such short notice.
What's up, Taylor? My girlfriend was wondering that, too.
As you know, every year,|one lucky town in Connecticut gets to host|The Festival of Living Pictures a show which presents|onstage re-creations of famous works of art:|statues, paintings, et cetera with real people|posing as the figures in the art.
We hosted it seven years ago,|successfully, I might add.
- Yeah, it was a blast.
|- Definitely.
My girlfriend's gonna love this.
The town of Woodbury|was supposed to host it this year but because of recent flooding,|they canceled at the last minute and I offered Stars Hollow to be the host.
How does that sound? - Cool.
|- Yeah, sign us up.
Yeah, Taylor,|you finally did something right.
Your beard is so sexy.
How much time do we have? One week.
And as per tradition we need to come up|with one original re-creation to go with all the others|that are in the show every year.
- Well, that's not a lot of time.
|- Yeah, Taylor, is it even possible? It will have to be.
I've already assured Hank,|who is the Taylor Doose of Woodbury that we'd take it over successfully.
It's a challenge, people, but doable.
Now, I would like to introduce you|to a key player in our execution of this endeavor the head of the Connecticut Arts Council,|Buff Otis.
- It's your future wife.
|- Shut up.
Would you like to say|a few words, Mrs.
Otis? Your enthusiasm shocks me.
- Is that good?|- Hard to tell.
- It might be.
|- Scary broad.
I will be managing the event|and emceeing.
Miss Patty, you will be stage managing.
Lorelai, if you could help|organize the costumes.
I'm here for you|and your sexy beard, Taylor.
Everyone should sign up now|if you want to be considered to be cast in one of the re-creations.
Mrs.
Otis and I|will make the final decisions.
You're gonna be the girl|in that Renoir painting again, right? You were such a doll in that.
I'm sure I can be persuaded.
This is an enormous challenge, people but I say we do it, and do it well.
Meeting adjourned.
- Wait.
|- Why? I want to see if she asks you out.
I wonder if I want to be something|other than the Renoir girl.
I'm sorry.
The audience has come|to expect you in the role of Renoir girl you can't disappoint them.
It's a plum role.
True.
Sorry I took so long.
I was dealing|with more divorce lawyer stuff.
Good Lord,|is Nicole's lawyer still harassing you? No, mine was.
Please don't point out the irony|of my paying a lawyer to work for me.
Then you're gonna owe me something else|I can ironically comment on.
Fine.
What was|that emergency meeting all about? We're hosting|The Festival of Living Pictures again.
- Joy.
|- His lack of enthusiasm shocks me.
You're involving yourself in this thing?|It's a stupid waste of time.
I just thought of the perfect painting|for Luke to be in: Cranky Guy in Baseball Cap.
Was that Manet or Monet? That was mustard on my hamburger|and a side of fries.
She's the queen of segues.
She's the queen of something.
|You want your usual? Yes, please.
Maybe I'll just be a backstage person|this year.
There's less pressure.
|You don't have to get made up and What are they doing? Well, I bet she's coming to- And no more|inappropriate lesbian references, please.
All right.
You know what? I bet you're in line|for the new painting they're cooking up.
I feel like a used car.
- Turn to the side.
|- What? Turn to the side.
|We need to see your profile.
- Just what I thought.
|- This is a violation of my civil rights.
You better do what John Ashcroft says|or they may follow us home.
Unbelievable.
Other way.
I'm a Yale student, for God's sake.
Thank you.
- Crazy, doofus town.
|- Yeah.
Let's not loiter around|the cast sheets, people.
Find your name and then move on.
Cool.
I'm gonna be some statue.
You're "The Reaper," Andrew a prize work at Versailles|and a prize role, not some statue.
So I get to be painted all white? Yes, that's what that means.
Hi, Taylor.
|When are the costumes getting here? Hank in Woodbury|swears they're en route but you got to double and triple check|with that guy.
- Hank's the you in Woodbury.
|- A real ninny.
He's praying we don't pull this off,|but that only inspires me to work harder.
I need to see the list.
- Watch the elbows, Kirk.
|- I just need to see the list.
He's going to be very happy.
- What'd you get, Kirk?|- Christ in "The Last Supper.
" The big kahuna.
I'm gonna do it right, too.
Lots of research.
|What's a good book to read? - The Bible.
|- Right.
Where are my apostles?|Where are my homeboys? - James, son of Alphaeus, give me five.
|- All right.
Simon the Canaanite,|don't leave me hanging.
- I say we celebrate.
How about Shakey's?|- Cool.
That is one happy Christ.
It was nice of you guys to give him that.
I wanted to show you this.
|It's our original picture.
We think Rory would be perfect for it.
It's called|Portrait of a Young GirI Named Anthea.
That's Rory! - Do you think she'll do it?|- You got some sway with me.
- Good.
|- Hey, I'm confused.
I should go make my calls.
I'm not the Renoir girl.
Really? I didn't realize that.
Patty, I'm the spitting image|of the Renoir girl.
I played her seven years ago|and received the proper accolades.
- This is a mistake.
|- Maybe.
- Taylor?|- Yes, Lorelai.
I'm not listed as the Renoir girl.
|Is that a mistake? Frankly, no, it's not.
Okay, I'm not listed|as anything else either.
That's also correct.
|You'll be helping with costumes.
Why am I not the Renoir girl?|I'm the spitting image.
- You are.
Your look is perfect.
|- Then why am I not the Renoir girl? - I really have to tell you why?|- Yes, you do.
- You flinched.
|- I what? Seven years ago, the curtain opened you were posed in the painting,|then you flinched noticeably.
- I did not flinch.
|- We thought you were having an attack.
- I did not flinch.
|- You almost knocked Terrence over.
- I did not!|- The whole town saw it.
And with Hank from Woodbury|looking over my shoulder I'm not taking any risks.
- Patty, please back me up here.
|- Honey, I'm sorry.
You flinched! - Big time.
|- You almost knocked Terrence over.
Yeah, you screwed the pooch,|so you're out.
I'm sorry.
So, you'll ask Rory about the painting? - It's humiliating!|- You and the Renoir girl.
It was a lock.
Yeah, until this smear campaign.
There's a lot of tension in the air here.
- It's midterms.
|- You seem calm.
Well, on the outside.
Is this what you're using,|Dream Fresh Laundry Powder? - It's a new brand.
|- It's an off brand.
It leaves your clothes|with that dream-fresh scent.
You used a coupon, didn't you? Thirty five cents off or not,|I still would have chosen Dream Fresh.
So, who'd they pick for the Renoir girl? - Carol Dandridge.
|- Carol Dandridge? Carol Dandruff from now on.
Okay, now, don't take it out on poor Carol.
|It's not like she lobbied for it.
I bet she did.
That would be just like|that old Porky Doody-dridge.
You're really bummed about this,|aren't you? On the outside, I am a mature adult who's able to put setbacks like this|in their proper place.
On the inside, I just want to wear|that pretty dress again.
You will.
Yeah, if a brick lands on Taylor's head,|and he suddenly likes me again.
You don't need a brick.
|You have me.
I'll take care of it.
What are you talking about? You'll be the Renoir girl, end of story.
- How?|- If they want an Anthea for "Portrait of a Young GirI"|Named Anthea then they're going to have|to have you for the Renoir girl.
Look at you folding your laundry|all haughty and powerful.
Bada-bing, all over his nice Ivy league suit.
Rory, you couldn't do that.
Come on.
It would be embarrassing|and manipulative.
Can you do it tonight? I'll wait until the Anthea costume|is perfectly fitted to my specifications.
- Then we won't have no surprises.
|- I am in awe.
- Pass me the Dream Fresh.
|- I wouldn't dare not to.
I don't know about you,|but I'm completely jazzed about this.
This is the first time|I've been excited about playing since Dave.
If he's half as good as his tape,|I'm gonna plotz.
Can we help you? - Yeah, I'm looking for Lane.
|- I'm Lane.
- Am I late?|- For? - The audition.
|- For? I'm Gil! Gil.
Gil.
No, you're right on time.
Come on in.
- Primo space.
|- Yeah.
- Primo.
|- How are you guys doing? I'm Brian.
- Zach.
|- Where do you guys want me? - Right there is good.
|- Cool.
How's your research coming along, Kirk? Good.
Although I got off to a slow start.
I didn't realize Jesus|wasn't in the Old Testament till I hit Page 368.
- Hey, Taylor.
|- Hello.
I took a quick survey of the costumes.
Looks like everything's here|and accounted for.
- And the Renoir girl dress still fits you?|- Like a glove.
So help me, if you make me look bad|in front of Hank from Woodbury - there is gonna be hell to pay.
|- Okay.
Sorry.
I'm here for a fitting.
You've come to the right place.
|What are you in? The Last Supper.
You must be one of my missing apostles.
|Still haven't met them all.
I'm Christ.
- It's gonna be a lot of fun.
|- Definitely.
- Which apostle are you?|- Judas.
- So, where do I go for my fitting?|- I think you know where you're going, pal.
Right through that flap.
I'll meet you there.
Thanks.
So I heard you and all the apostles|are going to Shakey's later.
You heard wrong, friend.
|We're not going to Shakey's.
- Okay.
Maybe some other time.
|- Yeah.
Some other time.
Man, you guys are fantastic! - Yeah, you, too.
|- Yeah.
Really good, Gil.
I mean, it's tight.
You know, it feels right.
- Definitely.
|- It's got a feel that- - Feels right.
|- Yeah.
- You want to do another one?|- Sure.
Just give me one minute to call work.
I own a sandwich shop in Salisbury and I gotta check in|every once in a while, or it's chaos.
I'll be right back.
Awesome, guys.
Really.
Back at you.
Becky, hey.
How'd it go this morning? - Yeah.
|- He's Old.
- Just say it, dude.
Grandpa's old.
|- He's not a grandpa.
- Did you know how old he was?|- He sounded young on the phone.
Right here, he's got some lines.
|That blows my mind.
- What is he, late 30s?|- Pushing 40.
Forty? He was alive|before man walked on the moon.
Don't do that, man.
|You're freaking me out.
Let's not be overdramatic, guys.
|He is an incredible guitarist.
He's had a lot of time to practice.
And the bicentennial, he was alive for that.
This is the best we've sounded|since Dave, and he's really- - Elderly.
|- Excited.
- He was our age when we were born.
|- He thinks we're great.
- There were no CDs when he was born.
|- Stop it, man.
I mean it.
Maybe there's a way to offset his oldness.
Put a hat on him.
|Dress him up like Angus Young in AC/DC that schoolboy outfit.
He could've seen AC/DC|with the original lead singer.
And 1980 is when that guy choked|on his own vomit.
That's old.
- You want to stop the audition?|- We shouldn't be rude.
- Good.
|- Fine.
We'll keep going.
But, remember, any new member|has to be approved by all of us.
So one vote against,|and he's back at bingo.
I know.
Cindy knows where|the extra prosciutto is, Kevin.
Ask her.
Come on.
I've told you before.
|When I'm not there, Cindy is me, okay? I'll check in later.
Bye.
Kids, man.
In one ear and out the other.
Come on.
Let's rock! - Hey.
|- Hi.
Balloons! Sad, little, droopy balloons.
We got them too soon.
- You feeling okay?|- Fine.
Bruce just suggested|a little afternoon rest.
- Bruce? Who's he?|- She.
- It's a last name.
|- Who's she? Best midwife on the eastern seaboard.
So it's gonna be another $50|to change the flight again? That's six-and-a-half hours' take home|after taxes, disability, and FICA.
And the Oscar|for the biggest blubber baby goes to No, go ahead.
Put me down for it.
I got no choice.
Thanks.
- She sounded hot.
|- Bo, why don't you go take a little walk? You know, go do something.
Yeah, good idea.
But there's nothing to do in this hick town,|not like back in Bogalusa.
Why don't you come help me|pick the zucchini in the back? I got a couple of giant MiracleGro ones|out there.
- It'll tickle you.
|- That might be something.
Well, you can cut the sexual tension|with a knife.
Don't joke.
The bedroom is now prepared|for the baby.
Your husband tried,|but he screwed up, so I fixed it.
- Thank you, Bruce.
|- There's someone new here.
Bruce, this is my best friend|I was telling you about, Lorelai.
- Hello.
|- Hi.
I heard you were the best midwife|on the eastern seaboard.
May I call you Bruce? - Everyone does.
|- Then I will call you Bruce.
- You're anti-midwife.
|- Pardon me? There's anti-midwife energy in this room,|and it wasn't here when I left it.
It's not coming from me.
Yeah, Bruce,|Lorelai is pro-you all the way.
I'll be in the bedroom.
That woman's got strong hands.
She ate a whole jar|of crunchy peanut butter in one sitting.
I would want a woman just like that|yanking the baby out of me.
- Please lay on your side, Sookie.
|- Yeah, sorry.
This is the position I'm going to be in|for the baby.
She wants me to get used to it.
Less tearing this way.
- Smack that image right out of my head.
|- I beg your pardon? You know, Bruce spent two years in China|educating poor villagers on female issues.
I hear they got great Chinese food there.
A card.
You're the friend|who's going to be there, right? With rings on my fingers|and bells on my toes.
- You'll leave the negativity at home?|- Bruce, I swear, I am Miss Positivity.
I swear I am not anti-midwife.
I mean, that would be as dumb|as being anti-best friend.
Don't you think? You're the one who asked me out|to pick zucchinis.
Right.
Pick them, not kick them.
You used to be fun.
|Now you're just a big-city phony.
- Bo, what did I say before?|- I wasn't listening.
The baby will come when the baby comes.
|We're all here to serve the baby.
- Jackson.
|- What? - How are you serving the baby?|- I could go get more balloons.
Good.
|And, Bo, how are you serving the baby? - I could help Jackson with balloons.
|- You need two men for that? - I could get flowers.
|- Good.
Okay.
|We're going to get balloons and flowers.
- She didn't give me any instructions.
|- Yeah.
- Should I move?|- I wouldn't yet.
- This is nice.
|- It is a beautiful day.
Good suggestion.
You think Bruce was|trying to get rid of us? You, yes.
But Bruce is there for the baby,|and I've got the baby.
- Have you checked that recently?|- What? Are you sure she hasn't taken the baby and shoved a pillow there|when you weren't looking? - My God!|- What? You haven't popped yet.
- Not yet.
|- It's like an elephant's gestation.
Thanks for the very welcome|perspective on that, Andrew.
- How's the research going, Kirk?|- Good.
I'm using the clothing|to get into character and I've been focusing on historical foods.
Christ ate a lot of lentils.
- No utensils back then?|- No, they had utensils.
This is a disaster, an unmitigated disaster! What happened? We're missing half the table|for "The Last Supper.
" Drag.
This is Hank from Woodbury's doing.
That little fink only shipped|half the table on purpose.
No, I just talked to him, Taylor and he swears|he shipped everything they had.
Let's think here.
|There's got to be a way to do this.
Just add a card table to the end,|or some TV trays.
It'll be like a funky "Last Supper.
" "The Last Supper" cannot be funky.
Or we could just make do|with what we have and crowd all the apostles around it.
- Or eliminate some of the apostles.
|- This is not going to work.
I think we're just gonna|have to throw in the towel.
I think you might be right, Taylor.
|This just might be a sign to pack it in.
- So, no festival?|- No festival.
I have to keep moving.
Okay, start packing it up, people.
- You would fold?|- What was that, Kirk? You would fold due simply to hardship? Not now, Kirk.
|Keep everything where it is, guys.
No reason to unload it just to load it again.
Would you follow blind guides which strain at a gnat|and swallow a camel? That's your blood sugar talking, sweetie.
|Eat a candy bar.
- This is but a crisis of faith.
|- I said not now, Kirk.
Let him talk.
What's the harm? When the road to your destination|is revealed to be long and dusty is your destination's value so diminished? Well, I suppose not, but still- If a storm mars your camp for the night,|is it wise to search for high ground or hold your camp|till the light of new day? Well, it's something to think about.
A crisis of faith can be delivered,|but one must believe to be delivered.
No way am I building that table out|for them.
No way.
Anyone ask you to, José? - No, but they're going to.
|- They'll just get Tom to do it.
The contractor?|He's too busy with his own stuff.
You having twins? - No.
|- You sure? Let me think for another millisecond.
No.
Looks like you're having twins.
You're gonna make me|fall in love with you.
It would take me hours.
- What would?|- The table.
It's got to be built out|in forced perspective.
It's complicated.
Throw a stick,|and you can find someone to fix that table.
So grab a stick and throw it,|because I'm not doing it.
- No one asked you to.
|- Not yet.
Remain true to the will|that brought you to where you are.
- I'm hungry.
Let's get something.
|- Check out the group.
hope is something to be shared.
- There might be loaves and fishes.
|- I had fish last night.
the light that we have in all of us.
|Do not heed the naysayers.
They will not lead you|down the proper road.
- Hey, Rory.
|- Dig the sounds coming from that garage.
They sound amazing.
I was over there before.
|That new guitarist yum, like a long-haired cake.
- Sounds like a winner.
|- You gonna check him out? Yeah, Lane called|and asked me to come down and drink in the whole picture.
I got dibs on the new hunk.
Really tight, guys, but it's getting late.
|I gotta go.
Go rest.
Gil, this is my friend Rory.
It's her house.
- You guys sound great.
|- Don't you think? These guys are gonna be|as good as Pink Floyd.
Nice topical reference.
- Lane, you got my number?|- Yeah, Gil, I've got your number.
- Great.
So we'll talk later?|- We'll talk later.
Take it easy.
Bye.
Okay, Zach, shut up for a minute.
|I want to hear what Rory has to say.
I didn't tell her what she was walking into,|so she's our fresh eyes here.
He's great.
- And?|- Experienced.
And Babbette thinks he's really cute,|so she's got dibs.
And he moves great.
- The jump was cool.
|- I was afraid he was gonna break a hip.
Well, he's our only prospect.
And maybe that schoolboy outfit|is worth a shot.
- Yeah?|- Look, you're all fooling yourselves here.
Bottom line:|dude rocks, but dude's too old.
I vote "no.
" Okay, I guess that's that, then.
- That's that.
|- And that could be that for the band.
- That could be that, too.
|- Okay.
- Identify yourself!|- It's me.
- Who?|- Me! - Sookie?|- It's not coming out.
My God.
It's 1:00 in the morning.
It's lodged in there.
|It's stuck, for God's sake.
- It's not coming out!|- You're insane.
And it's growing all the time,|just getting bigger and bigger.
I've forgotten what it's like|not to be expanding.
I'll get so huge, I'll be the fat guy|in Monty Python's "Meaning of Life.
" I'll explode and slime the whole room.
|People could die.
Honey, sit down.
Wrap this around you.
That Andrew.
I hate that he was right,|that pasty-faced bastard.
- Right about what?|- No, I can't sit.
Right about what? I looked up an elephant's gestation period.
|Twenty-two months! - You're not an elephant.
|- But baby doesn't know that.
Why would baby think you're an elephant? Because he's tiny and stupid|and floating around in a sack of fluid.
He doesn't know his butt|from a hole in the ground.
What happened? You know, an elephant|squirted me once at the zoo.
Maybe it shot something on me,|some kind of elephant gestation juice.
Honey, I mean tonight.
What happened? You were fine.
|Where did the freak-out come from? Are you listening? It's not coming out! The ship's too big,|and the bottle's too small.
You have to sit down and rest.
For two hours, I've been doing|everything I can to make it come out.
I've jumped, jiggled, shimmied.
Add a feather boa, I could book you|on the burlesque circuit.
My pain is funny to you.
No, but you shouldn't be|hopscotching around town trying to get the baby out.
- That's not how it works.
|- It's my mother's fault.
She fed me too much roughage as a kid.
Bran and granola and rapini.
And now my insides|are all rough and grabby and Davey can't work his way out|of my sandpaper innards.
I want booze.
I want a Manhattan|and a scotch and a beer and a Rob Roy and a sidecar.
But I can't, and I'm mad about that.
I want to give birth! I would give you a hug|if you would sit still for one second.
Yours came out.
How'd you get yours out? I swallowed a map.
Cut the freaking vagueness.
|Why is it you mothers don't want to pass down your wisdom|to other mothers? You're selfish.
- Please stop jiggling.
|- Not till I'm skinny.
All right, bouncy San Pedro,|can I just show you something here? You can show me your sweet tuchus|as long as I can keep jiggling.
Fine, keep jiggling.
I was just going through something.
|I thought you might be interested.
It's from 1984.
- The book?|- No, the year.
It's my baby box.
It's full of all these little things mementos and stuff|from the night Rory was born.
I haven't taken it out in ages.
Mine's not getting a box|because mine's not coming out.
My Walkman with|the homemade compilation tape still in it.
some R.
E.
M.
, some Thompson Twins.
I never cared for them.
The magazine I was reading that night|with a special feature on who's hotter Andrew McCarthy or Emilio Estevez.
They're both dogs.
My Bubblicious gum necklace,|my Chunky wrapper.
I do like the Chunkys.
I'd like bourbon better,|but I do like the Chunkys.
- John's digits.
|- John who? He was volunteering at the hospital.
He said,|"Call me when you get your figure back.
" Sweet talker.
And for me, it was always Emilio 'cause he's kind of nasty.
Same here.
Rory's first jumper.
- Bananarama?|- I made it out of one of my t-shirts.
This was the first thing I ever|made her, ever made.
It was post-Gilmore economy.
|Look how tiny.
- Tiny.
|- She was the most beautiful pink all over.
She even smelled pink.
It sounds weird.
I can't describe it.
|That little, pink, baby smell.
The first time her eyes focused on me and her little fingers reached out I was someone new.
She had me.
- Emilio.
|- Rory.
We're five minutes away from|the starting gate, people.
Five minutes.
My God! You guys look so cute.
It was just seven short years ago that I was a Chinese acrobat just like you.
You smell.
And we respected our elders|when I was a little Chinese acrobat.
I hate kids.
Looking good.
Everybody, big night, huh? Hi, Kirk.
- Hello.
|- Anyone sitting here? - You have to go somewhere else.
|- Miss Patty said- - You have to go somewhere else.
|- Okay.
Perhaps there's an empty chair|next to one of your friends say, the High Priest Caiaphas? - Maybe he can accommodate you.
|- I guess so.
Rory, one of those little acrobat boys|told me my breath smells stinky.
- They're running wild.
|- Acro-brats, I call them.
- Nice.
Got your ferret.
|- He looks mean.
I don't think there's any such thing|as a friendly ferret and definitely not a cute one.
Yeah, they got dealt a rough card,|those ferrets.
Art Nouveau Clock Girl, hands off the face.
Art Nouveau Clock Girl touched her face?|This place is bedlam.
Relax, Taylor.
We're right on schedule.
|Have a cigarette.
- I don't smoke.
|- Could you start? Taylor, look, your cousin came|to visit you backstage to say hello.
Hello.
|What a pretty night it is for a festival.
Do you have a mouse?|I'm feeling a bit peckish.
- Put that down.
|- Just trying to lighten the mood.
It's too late.
That Hank from Woodbury|is sitting front-row center just trying to psych me out.
- Everybody's ready, Taylor.
|- I hope everybody is ready.
Let's all be friends.
Can I nibble your neck? He's really|got his knickers in a twist tonight.
- Talk more like a ferret.
|- Sorry.
Time to attach it.
- So, is Sookie okay?|- She's great.
- Still big, still waiting, but she's fine.
|- Oh, good.
Was she the one shaking me|in the middle of the night, yelling: "What motivated you|to come out of your mother?" She got a little spooked.
- There.
You're beautiful, Anthea.
|- I feel very painty.
- I gotta go change.
Freeze good.
|- I will.
The time approaches.
I am ready.
You might want to check|that Gumby-Pokey watch, Kirk.
Right.
Sorry.
And it's a collectible,|not a toy.
It's an adult It's very valuable.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am Taylor Doose.
Welcome to the 43rd Annual Connecticut|Festival of Living Pictures.
As you may know, the town of Woodbury|was supposed to host this year's festival but due to their recent flooding,|Woodbury backed out.
They got a little moisture over there|and basically said: "Oh, well, whatever, never mind.
" But the town of Stars Hollow|was happy to step in because this vital tradition must continue.
The Festival of Living Pictures has a storied history.
Cecilia.
That's a very pretty name.
|Very pretty.
Keep it in your pants, Andrew.
Okay, listen up, people.
|The Fire Department is out here because some dingbat parked|in the red zone.
Now, I warned you guys|about parking there.
So, who is it? Come on, speak up|or you're gonna be towed.
Who is it? I saw it when I came in.
|I think that's Kirk's.
- You Judas!|- Go move it, Kirk.
Just trying to help.
Shouldn't you kiss me on the cheek|before you betray me? - You're gonna get towed.
|- Just keep away from me, pal.
I'm getting tired|of your holier-than-thou attitude.
I mean it! Rory, go.
You're on.
Art Nouveau Clock Girl,|you got your Zippo on you? Our first tableau was created by the talented craftsmen|in our little town.
It is a painting by the Italian master,|Girolamo Parmigianino.
He was born in Parma|and was of the Mannerist school becoming a master portraitist blending the sensual style|with the classical style of Raphael as you can see in his Portrait of a Young GirI Named Anthea.
Five minutes to "The Last Supper," people.
|Five minutes.
Oh, my God! Christ, Judas, stop fighting! You apostles, what good are you?|Get in there and stop them.
Hey, guys, come on.
If I've re-pulled my calf muscle,|you are so getting it! So perform a miracle|and un-pull it, you jerk! You're a blasphemer.
|You're a blasphemer and a traitor! And let's face it.
You're unattractive.
Okay, we got no time for this.
Get your butts on that stage.
Apostles, keep Christ and Judas apart.
Da Vinci's "Last Supper" has become one of the most revered|masterpieces in the world.
This majestic fresco|was completed in 1498 and its prestige has never diminished.
You've been a jerk from the start.
What about Shakey's? You all went out without me,|and you lied about it.
- You're imagining things.
|- Simon Peter said so.
James, the son of Alphaeus, Lebbaeus.
|They all said so.
When did you speak with Lebbaeus? If you two don't shut up,|I'm gonna stick these papier-mâché rolls down your throats! That's it.
Curtain.
And so now may we present|The Last Supper.
So, I was good?|The ferret didn't upstage me? The ferret underplayed it nicely.
Isn't that that guitarist? It is.
It's Gil.
Rats, I was gonna call him tomorrow|with the bad news.
You could just walk away rudely.
I'll say a quick hello|and tell him I'll call him tomorrow.
Hey, Lane.
- Trippy, huh?|- Totally.
How you doing, Gil? Great.
I saw the flyers.
|I thought I'd come check it out.
Cool.
Great.
Yeah.
Don't sweat it, okay? - What do you mean?|- It's okay.
I know I'm not in the band.
I picked up the vibe.
The age difference.
|It doesn't bother me, but it's a little weird.
Maybe a little.
- It's cool, really.
|- Good.
You're a great guy, Gil,|and a great guitarist.
- Someone's gonna scoop you up quick.
|- I hope so.
I'm gonna keep going no matter what,|not like last time.
Last time? Yeah, I had another band, a great band,|the hottest band in LA.
We sold out all the clubs,|The House of Blues, The Whiskey.
And our guys were hanging out.
We had an awesome demo with Tunes,|then we got our big break: an opening slot|on a national tour with Quiet Riot.
But we blew it.
We were fighting all the time|over money, over chicks.
- We broke up before the tour even started.
|- Oh, no.
It killed me.
|I didn't touch my axe for years.
I just got a day gig and lived my life.
Then a few months ago,|I picked up my guitar and I realized how much I missed it.
So I went out looking again,|and that's how you got my tape.
But I'm not stopping this time|for anything.
I'm gonna keep going until it happens.
But thanks for letting me play|with you guys.
It was a blast.
You're fantastic.
Well, get used to playing with us, Gil,|'cause you're in the band.
- Really?|- Really.
- No way!|- Way.
My God! This is so cool! I can't believe it! I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow.
|Honey, kids, I am in the band.
- All right.
|- Yes.
Our guitarist is married.
You made his kids happy, too.
You guys watched the first two "Matrixe"s|on DVD together, too.
- I heard all about it.
|- Get away from me.
"The Last Supper," ladies and gentlemen.
Serene, wasn't it? Better order quick.
We're closing - soon.
|- Surprise.
I'll say.
Lots of nuttiness going on out there.
Yeah, it's The Festival of Nutty Pictures.
You successfully avoid the nuttiness? For the most part, yeah.
|Christ's table was broken, so I fixed it.
He's a carpenter.
|He should have fixed it himself.
Speaking of nutty - all this, you and me.
|- Yeah.
If it happened to anyone else, I'd laugh.
About what? Getting married is what broke us up.
|You gotta love the irony.
Yeah, it is a little ironic.
Luke, I'm not gonna say that|getting married on that ship like we did wasn't wrong.
We should have thought more about it.
But maybe rushing into divorce|would be just as wrong.
- What are you talking about?|- We're still you and me.
- Why can't we have what we had before?|- Which was? - Two people who loved being together.
|- We're in the middle of a divorce.
- We can postpone it.
|- We can? I'm a lawyer.
I know these things.
- Postpone it and do what?|- Date.
- Date?|- Remember? That was the fun part.
So what you're saying is|we get back together not divorce, but not be married either? I guess.
I know it sounds stupid,|but it doesn't feel stupid.
Does it? Picasso's "Guernica," everybody.
Wasn't that something? Our next work is found|in the gardens of Versailles in the country of our former ally, France.
It is one of more than 2,000 sculptures to be found in that famed garden.
I'd like to turn your attention now to our town's beloved gazebo|for "The Reaper.
" Okay, our statue's done.
Stamp it, ship it.
Terrence and Lorelai, our Renoir couple,|you're up next.
Be ready.
I'm just about done here, Patty.
|Just give me one second.
Okay, I'm just saying two-minute warning.
Terrence, get into place.
My aching feet will never forgive me.
You ready for your close-up,|Miss Desmond? Just about.
Grand finale's a great way|to close this thing.
I don't know why|everybody's rushing me like this.
Mom.
You okay? - Yeah.
No.
|- No? My heart is going a million miles a second.
|I feel hot.
Is my makeup running? No, Mom, you look great.
What's wrong? - I flinched.
|- What? Seven years ago, on this very stage,|in this very costume I flinched.
- No, you didn't.
|- Yes, I did.
You weren't watching.
I was in denial.
I just didn't want Taylor to be right,|but he was.
I flinched.
So what? You flinched a little.
|I bet most people didn't see it.
Stevie Wonder could've seen it.
|I almost knocked Terrence down.
I flinched.
I am a big fat flincher.
- But that was a long time ago.
|- Once a flincher, always a flincher.
No, Mom.
That was seven years ago.
|You're different now.
Yeah, I am.
I'm less stable.
My muscles are weaker|and my bones are more fragile.
There are a dozen more ways|for me to wobble now.
I'm a Weeble, and Weebles wobble.
|I'm gonna blow the whole finale and the town is gonna hate me.
Mom, listen,|you are in amazing physical shape.
This is mental.
You can beat it.
How? 'Cause you can.
- No specifics?|- Not really.
- I need something.
|- Close your eyes and think of England.
Okay.
And know that I love you|no matter what happens up there and go be still.
England.
She's not gonna flinch, is she? Is she? made Pierre Auguste Renoir one of the world's most beloved painters.
So, to close our triumphant evening we give you his incomparable|Dance at BougivaI.
Good girl.
Keep it up.
Oh, no.
- What the hell is that?|- It's Sookie's baby pager.
"Oy" to the "vey.
" I can't look.
Keep frozen.
What's happening? That's it.
Curtain.
Ladies and gentlemen thank you for making tonight|such a success.
On behalf of the town of Stars Hollow we bid you "adieu"|from The Festival of Living Pictures.
Bravo! English