iCarly s04e07 Episode Script

Okay.
So we need a big bucket, a large bag of baby peacock fehers Oh, I already ordered the baby peacock feathers.
Nice.
And a nail gun.
Sam, you're getting the nail gun? Sam.
Wake up.
What? What? We're doing a Web show tomorrow night.
iCarly? Yes, iCarly.
Now, would you wake up and help us? She never helps.
At least I don't take nine hours to properly prepare one slice of pizza.
Pizza requires a precision balance of red pepper flakes, parmesan cheese and garlic powder.
I got it.
Chello? Do I sound like rosalinda? Adios.
Hey, that pizza looks good.
Yours.
Ooh.
Oh.
So what you teeners up to? We're trying to plan for tomorrow night's iCarly.
I see.
And why the chizzy attitude? 'Cause the show is getting more popular.
And it's getting to be a ton of work.
It really is exhausting.
Well, why don't you guys just hire an intern? What's an intern? Like an assistant that works for free.
Wait, would it bathe me? I like being clean.
I just don't like all the Why would anyone work for free? Interns are students.
They work to get high school or college credit.
So how do we get one? Just post an ad on Sniffmeajob.
com.
You'll get a ton of responses.
It's weird.
Is pizza tastes like shoe bottom.
Is that a kind of bread? That's ciabatta.
That monkey from galaxy wars? No.
Oh, man.
Oh, it's grandad.
Hey, grandad.
Hey.
Oh, tell him I say, hey.
Carly said she hates you.
I'm just kidding.
It sounds like This couch is too crowded.
Okay.
Here's a category: For students in High School and college seeking work in television, film or Web production.
I'm gonna post an ad.
Yeah.
Yeah, grandad.
I am a man of my word.
We made a deal Yes, I'll let you know.
Don't you Old scudder.
Why are you mad at grandad? Because when I dropped out of law school a few years ago, I made him a stupid promise.
That you'd dress up like a lady on the 4th of July? No.
Will you anyway? No.
What did you promise him? That if I didn't get one of my sculptures in a real museum within three years, I'd go back to law school.
When's the three years up? Next week.
I can't go back to law school.
It was the worst 72 hours of my life.
Worse than the time those biker dudes took you to In 5, 4, 3, 2 I know you see somehow the world will change for me and be wonderful live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there and feel so wonderful it's all for real I'm tellin' you just how I feel so wake up the members of my nation it's your time to be there's no chance unless you take one and the time to see the brighter side of every situation some things are meant to be so gimme your best and leave the rest to me leave it all to me (leave it all to me) leave it all to me just leave it all to me So, my name is Stu Vernman.
I'm 16 years old, and I would love to work here at iCarly as an intern.
Bye.
But I've only been here for 20 seconds.
Twenty too many.
Let's go, st But I didn't even get a chance.
Get up.
Come on.
No, no, no.
Could I at least finish the story about my baseball hat? No one cares about that.
Come on.
I would be perfect for this job.
Yeah, yeah.
We'll keep your resume on file.
Do you have to be so obnoxious? You got to be more patient with these people.
You can't just cut them off in the middle of okay.
Irony.
Seriously, I'm obsessed with this Web show.
And I would sincerely love to serve you in an internship capacity.
Now, I don't know if you guys are into cotton swabs and white glue as much as I am t-t get out of here! Carly.
Dude.
It's okay.
This always happens.
So in your email, you said you've done some video editing? Yeah, I'm pretty good with cutting room flow.
Oh, nice.
That's what I use to edit.
Nice.
Aw, nerd bonding.
Sam.
Nah, nah.
It's cool.
I definitely have my nerdy tech side.
And you made this Fudge yourself? Yeah.
I love making Fudge for people.
Well, okay, Brad.
We're just gonna talk it over and probably call you tomorrow.
Okay.
No rush.
Thanks, guys.
I'll show you to the door.
Bye.
Dude.
Okay.
He'd be a perfect intern for iCarly.
I love that guy.
Do we even need to meet anyone else? No.
Oh, wait.
There's still one more guy waiting outside.
And on the day before I s started seventh grad, my dad said to me, he goes, "cort, you got to learn "how to tie your own shoes.
It's important.
" And now, I could tie my own shoes without even thinking about it.
Oh, yes.
That is such a sweet story.
You are so good lookin'.
I was about to say that.
Well Thank you, cort.
You can go now.
Go where? Wherever you came from.
We've already decided who we're gonna hire.
We sure have.
Congratulations, cort.
What? Whoa.
Wait, what's happening? You got the job.
Sam? I did? Yeah.
But what about Brad's Fudge? Remember the Fudge? Hey, cort.
Are you a good dancer? The goodest.
Oh, show us.
Yeah.
Whoo.
Whoo.
Yeah.
Cort excuse me, what are you doing? Oh, I'm Spencer shay.
It's okay.
I'm an artist.
Yeah, I've heard of you.
Awesome.
I just need to setup this sculpture right here.
I'm sorry but you can't do that.
Listen.
I made a deal with my grandad that if I don't get a sculpture displayed to this museum by this Friday that I'd go back to law school and I can't do that.
Look, Spencer.
I'm a fan of your work, and I'd love for you to be represented in this museum.
Yay.
But oh To get a sculpture in here, you have to fill out an application, have it examined and approved by the board of curators, get authorization from the Uhhhh.
How long does all that take? Three, maybe four months.
No, no, no, no, no.
Please.
Just let me leave it here for a few days.
I can't.
But why wait.
What if I take you to dinner? Like a real date? That's gotta sound good to you.
Roy! No Roy.
Oh, God, Roy.
Ow! You can't bring that in here.
No.
It's cool.
It'll fit right in.
I worked hard on it.
iCarly goes live in 90 seconds.
Hey! I brought you girls some lemonade.
Aww.
Thanks, cort.
How sweet are you? You brought lemonade in a bag? Is that wrong.
Well no.
It is not wrong.
You leave cort alone.
It's adorable.
Whatever.
Hey, cort, I need to see those notes you took.
Oh, sure, bud.
Got 'em right here on this pear pad.
Cort, you wrote with a marker on my pear pad? Carly said I should use it to write notes on.
This thing cost 800 bucks.
Dude, that's insane.
You can get these for a dollar.
Oh, it hurts.
Hold my beverage bag? Sure thing.
In 5, 4, 3, 2 One! Once upon a time, there was a Carly.
Who met a wandering freak named Sam.
And then, one day The two girls drank from a filthy bucket And thus was born iCarly.
Filthy bucket.
I'm working.
Ohhh.
Okay.
Gibby, get out here.
Come on, Gibby.
Whoo! Gibby! There he is.
Yeah.
We were wondering How many baby peacock feathers can fit in Gibby's mouth? Even I wanna know.
All right, Gibby Open wide.
Fill me with feathers.
Okay, come on.
Dude! What happened? Our genius intern just murdered my laptop.
Are we still webcasting? No! We died! Look, I'll clean it up.
You can't.
Just now, can we fire that artichoke? Maybe we should fire him.
Yeah.
I guess we should You know, everyone deserves a second chance.
Cort deserves unlimited chances.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Oh, good job, cort.
See, I told you, you can jump and count at the same time.
I just had to believe in myself.
You guys wanna see me do it.
No.
Sit down.
So, you guys got any iCarly stuff I should work on? Oh, yeah.
Sam and I wrote up a list of things we need you to get for the show.
Cool.
Somethin' wrong? Uh, this first thing on this list, I don't know where to get a todo.
No, sweetie.
That says "to do.
" Oh.
Knocker, knocker.
Hey, Freddie.
What up, Benson? How's it going? Who's your lady friend there? This is Ashley, a new intern I hired for iCarly.
What? Ashley.
Freddie, you can't just hire a new intern without our okay.
You guys hired cort without my okay.
Well, one intern is enough.
It doesn't cost anything to hire Ashley.
So what does it matter to you Hey, Freddie.
Someone left this purse lying around, is there a lost and found I should take it to? Uh, that's my purse.
You must have been so worried.
No.
It was right there on my bed.
I have a bed.
Got one too.
Rock on.
What is goin' on here? Dude, you just hired that chick 'cause she's hot.
You fire cort, I'll fire Ashley.
Dude, am I gonna need to give you an attitude adjustment? Because I swear Ow! What happened? She whacked me with an umbrella.
He was touching your purse.
I just wanted some fruit gum.
Fruit gum, going on the todo list.
Hey, Freddie.
Hey.
Hey, could you guys help me with the tripod? It's back over there in the back.
There's our special guy.
What's up, ladies? Hi.
What you workin' on there? I'm just checkin' this thing out for Freddie.
Aww.
Hi.
Hey, Ashley.
Uh, um, whose baby is that? Oh.
When I walked into the lobby, your gross doorman was talking to some lady, and this baby was just sitting in a stroller right behind her.
So you just took the baby? Yeah.
He's cute, like a monkey.
Meow.
Meow.
You take the baby down to his mother.
You, come with me.
Oh, and what do I do? Nothing.
Are you gonna fire that dumb intern? You mean, cort? You know who I mean.
Your that feminidiot.
I'll fire my feminidiot when you fire your himbecile.
Okay.
That was clever word play.
But I'm not firing cort because he is beautiful.
Well, Ashley is super hot.
This got bad fast.
Hey! Hey, young man.
How you doin'? No flash photography.
Oh, sorry.
Dude! What's up? Can you not read this sign? No flash photography.
What the heck is wrong with you? I guess you gotta Chase me now.
Are you supposed to be doing that? And then I say, "okay, next on iCarly before we shave Gibby.
" I'm back.
Good.
I'm starving.
Where's our lunch? What do you mean? We told you to go get lunch.
I did.
It was yummy.
So you didn't bring us any? Any what? Go sit on the floor over there.
Yay! You need to fire her.
But everyone deserves a second chance.
Freddie, I'm you guys fire cort.
I'll fire Ashley.
No deal.
Cort's too pretty to fire.
Let's just finish rehearsing.
Scudder.
It's time for a raw meat storm.
Woo.
Woo.
Raw meat storm.
Oh, let's test the meat drop.
Cueing the meat.
Whoo! Yeah! Yeah! Oh! Oh! The meat-eorologist was right yeah, it's a meat-eor storm.
Yeah.
Wait.
There's no steak on this line.
Or this one.
Well, I put up all 12.
Cort? You ate our props? Wasn't I supposed to? Oh, baby.
They weren't cooked.
You gotta fire that dude.
And you'll fire Ashley? Wait a minute.
Deal.
But he's it's time.
I know.
Spencer.
Hi.
Grandad.
How was your drive? Oh fine.
Just fine.
So, is one of these sculptures really yours? Yes, sir.
If you look right here.
Gibby! No running in the museum.
Yarrr! So if you'll look here what's this? A super cool sculpture here in this reputable museum? But what's this placard say? I'm not wearing my glasses.
I can't the bottle bot, sculptured by Spencer shay.
So that's what it says.
Oh! And is there a placard around here that says.
Spencer's going back to law school? I don't see one of those.
I don't see it.
Fine.
You don't have to go back to law school.
Yeah! In your face, you old scudder! Whoo! I love you.
All right.
All right.
So, since we're here, should we look around a little bit, maybe see the Spencer.
I told you specifically that you weren't allowed dierdre! Who's she? Grandad, please, a little privacy.
I apologize.
I had to do that.
Just do it again.
Yeah.
I'm fired? Yeah.
But we'll make sure you get full internship credit at your college.
Oh.
I got kicked out of college.
What for? They said I was dangerously stupid.
Yeah.
Well, I guess I should go.
Oh, wait.
Before you go, we're gonna need our shirt back.
That's not our shirt.
Shh.
Thank you.
And I really appreciate you guys doing Shley, you're fired too.
Get out, Ashley.
Thank you, Ashley.
Glad to help.
This was a really interesting experiment.
I can definitely write about this as part of my sociology thesis.
What did she just say? Ashley works at the brilliance bar in the pear store.
You're intelligent? Top of my class at Seattle tech.
Then why did you pretend to be a moron? So we would have to fire both our hot, yet stupid interns.
You totally tricked us.
That is correct.
Later.
Bye.
Bye.
I feel bad for cort.
Why? 'Cause he's all dumb.
We fired him.
And we stole his shirt.
Yeah.
Well, maybe now at least this is an elevator.
I'm going home.