Metalocalypse (2006) s04e07 Episode Script
Dethcamp
And the death song of the man who stands behind shadows began.
So, I'm gonna be out of town for a few days.
Uh, Pickles, Nathan, I'm trusting the two of you to keep an eye on the rest of the band while I'm gone, okay? Why do we have to be in charge? 'Cause you two are the most responsible.
That's bull[bleep.]
You're responsible, not us! [Bleep.]
call us responsible.
Well, you are the most responsible.
Yeah, well [bleep.]
You, too.
All right.
See you when I get back.
Agh! Are we having sugar-free pudding again?! We can'ts have sugars because a certain someones ams diabetics.
Okay, guys, I'll, uh, be seeings yous.
Wait a minute.
Where exactly do you think you're going? I'm goin to Rock-a-Rooni fantasy camps.
Rock-a-Rooni fantasy camp? Oh, right.
That's the fantasy camp where, you know, regular dildos hang out and play with rock stars.
Ohhh! Yeah, yeah.
Well, that's great, Toki.
You're gonna be a counselor.
That's cool.
Counscils? I'ms goings to be a camper.
Why goes to a camps with fakes rock stars when you actually ams ones? I don't wants to go to be a rock star.
I wants to go to camp so that I can makes friends.
I just, uh, okay.
Have fun.
Tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! Yeps.
You got your fluoride whore's-blood extra-whitening toothpaste with flavor crystals? Yeps.
You got your pentagraham crackers? Yeps.
You got your severed-finger paints? Yeps.
Got your "Dante's Inferno -- Seven Layers of Hell" coloring book? Yeps.
Got your "my little disemboweled pony" lunch box? Yeps.
You got your Rock-a-Rooni disguise so no one knows who you are? Yeps, as long as I wears this, no ones will knows that I'm famous.
Good.
And, of course, you got your Insulin and your needles, right? Yeps, nevers leaves my sides.
Hey, I got you a little gift so you don't forget us while you're having fun.
Wowee.
Thanks, Nathan.
This snow globes means a lots to me.
Sees ya! Finally.
I thought that [bleep.]
asshole would never leave! Yeah, the stupid lingerings diabetics.
What a dirty piece of [bleep.]
Okay, you two! Do not talk about your bandmate like that.
Shame on you! Skwisgaar.
That diabetic, baby tattletale always gets us in trouble, right? Yeah.
Now that he's gone, we can do whatever we want.
Gentlemen, it appears as if Toki Wartooth will be attending Rock-a-Rooni fantasy camp.
Here to speak more on the subject is Dr.
Bartholomew Grahsrihajul.
What is Rock-a-Rooni fantasy camp? It's a magical haven where regular Jack-offs are allowed to play music with rock-'n'-roll royalty.
Included in the standard Rock-a-Rooni fantasy camp package, you'll find these amazing benefits -- rock stars will be forced to live with you in a personal dormitory room.
You'll be able to shower with rock stars and bother them as they try to get through their day.
During your three-day stay, you'll be placed into a rock group with your own Rock-a-Rooni counselor, you'll jam with rock stars, and, yes, you will play a final performance in front of a sold-out crowd.
Friends and family will gaze upon your glory.
You will invite those that doubted you in life and show those mother[bleep.]
who you really are -- a pretend rock star.
And when you return home to your regular life, your wife will suck your [bleep.]
so hard.
We shall wait and see what this fantasy has to offer.
All right, campers! I just want to know one thing before we get started! Are you ready to Rock-a-Rooni?! Oh, yeah! Well, then, you came to the right place because rock 'n' roll-a-rooni is what Rock-a-Rooni fantasy camp is all about! Now, let's get things started.
Let's introduce ourselves.
Hi.
My name is Greg, and guess what.
I've got a case of the blues.
I-I'm not joking.
I really, really am depressed.
My name is Ludvik.
And I am the greatest.
I am done.
Clap! Hellos, everyones.
My names ams Tok-- a-Rooni war-- a-Rooni-Tooths.
I-I ams diabetic.
Don't worry.
I'ms just like you excepts I needs my Insulin shots every days.
Otherwise, I'll die.
But don'ts lets thats stop you froms coming ups to me and sharings and gettings close 'cause I'ms looking forwards to sharings my hearts with all of yous ands becomings friends forever.
I loves you all, and I woulds literally dies for each and every ones of y-- Ohh! [Bleep.]
Yeah, I can sees you all gots a wonderful senses of humor.
Okay.
Aw.
Miss the little guy already, heh.
Wait.
What are you playing? Stop playing! Stop playing! That's not the drum pattern.
I didn't tell you to make it your own, asshole.
Now, why don't you all shut the [bleep.]
up and listen to me, and let's play some [bleep.]
mu-- Hey.
Take it easy.
This isn't just your band.
It's our band.
Without me, you guys suck! You need to relax.
You're sounding crazy.
I'm crazy.
You don't even know what crazy even looks like! Aaaaah! We made a decision.
You're not in Dethklok anymore.
Uhyou better come and check this out.
Revenge is coming! All right, you guys ready to meet your Rock-a-Rooni counselors?! Oh, boys! This year, we got Lenny chimes, sandals lemonwhiskers, swords McCalister, Johnny Agamemnon, Archie Archibaldstein, and, of course, Magnus Hammersmith! That sounds so familiars.
All right, let the band picking begin! You.
You're in my band.
We gots the candies, the whipped creams.
We can finally watch "faces of deaths.
" Yeah.
Now that Toki am gones, we can [bleep.]
partys hardcores.
Yeah, I know.
Awesome.
Aaah! Aaaaaaah! Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! Uhhhhhhhhhh Uhhhhhhhhh Aaaaaaaaaah! Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Ugh! Ugh! Empty your pockets, or I unleash the viking madness! I don't have anything! I swear! Ow! Search him.
Well, well, well.
What do we have here? A limited-edition Eric Clapton signature-series pick? Ow! I thought you said you didn't have anything? I've been working my entire life to save up for that pick.
Please! Get him! Oh, nos! Betters tells the camps counselors abouts this! Come back here, you [bleep.]
Tattletale! There's some bad guys that is beating ups the campers! You better watch your back.
Revenge is coming.
What the [bleep.]
Okay, I hear you.
Ugh, what time is it? Can we sleeps with you, Pickle? We had too much whipped cream, and we watched "Faces of Death.
" And nows we gets nightmares.
Guys, guys, guys, what do I keep telling you about eating too much chocolate and watching scary movies? You said don't do it, but we did! You said don't do its anymore, but we did It doesn't matter now it's happening.
But now it's too late.
Please, Pickles.
All right, fine.
All right! Go to sleep, okay? Oh, thanks you, Pickle.
I think -- I think I got to fart.
Uh-oh.
[Bleep.]
damn it, go to [bleep.]
bed [bleep.]
- Pickles - Shut up! Pickles, wake up! We got to get Toki! Okay, Nathan, do you think you may be overparenting Toki just a little bit? Uh, what the [bleep.]
Are you guys doing in this bed? I'd rather not talk about it, okay? I just found out that Magnus Hammersmith is at Rock-a-Rooni fantasy camp.
Hey, everybodys! We're Twisted Daisy, and we're gonna play some rock 'n' roll-a-rooni.
We hopes you guys likes "mustang Sally"! Ones, twos, threes, fours! Let's do this.
Wowee! Thanks! Thanks you! Happy Birthday, you stupid diabetic tattletale.
But it's nots my birthday.
Well, no sense in wasting this cake.
No! Here.
Eat it, pussy.
Eat it.
Mmm, delicious.
My insulins! Gives me my insulins! No! I'm so sorry.
You're okay.
Magnus, you saves my life.
You're welcome.
You know whats? This ams bull[bleep.]
I'm not somes regular Jack-off, dildo campers.
My name's Toki Wartooth, and I'm in Dethkloks! I'ms taking my snow globes and gettings the [bleep.]
out of here! Oh, no.
Where's my snow globes? You mean this? Unh! Oops.
Oh [bleep.]
little kid.
You just [bleep.]
up real bad.
Hello, Magnus.
Hello, Pickles.
Tell me.
Which hand do you fret with? Aaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
So, I'm gonna be out of town for a few days.
Uh, Pickles, Nathan, I'm trusting the two of you to keep an eye on the rest of the band while I'm gone, okay? Why do we have to be in charge? 'Cause you two are the most responsible.
That's bull[bleep.]
You're responsible, not us! [Bleep.]
call us responsible.
Well, you are the most responsible.
Yeah, well [bleep.]
You, too.
All right.
See you when I get back.
Agh! Are we having sugar-free pudding again?! We can'ts have sugars because a certain someones ams diabetics.
Okay, guys, I'll, uh, be seeings yous.
Wait a minute.
Where exactly do you think you're going? I'm goin to Rock-a-Rooni fantasy camps.
Rock-a-Rooni fantasy camp? Oh, right.
That's the fantasy camp where, you know, regular dildos hang out and play with rock stars.
Ohhh! Yeah, yeah.
Well, that's great, Toki.
You're gonna be a counselor.
That's cool.
Counscils? I'ms goings to be a camper.
Why goes to a camps with fakes rock stars when you actually ams ones? I don't wants to go to be a rock star.
I wants to go to camp so that I can makes friends.
I just, uh, okay.
Have fun.
Tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! Yeps.
You got your fluoride whore's-blood extra-whitening toothpaste with flavor crystals? Yeps.
You got your pentagraham crackers? Yeps.
You got your severed-finger paints? Yeps.
Got your "Dante's Inferno -- Seven Layers of Hell" coloring book? Yeps.
Got your "my little disemboweled pony" lunch box? Yeps.
You got your Rock-a-Rooni disguise so no one knows who you are? Yeps, as long as I wears this, no ones will knows that I'm famous.
Good.
And, of course, you got your Insulin and your needles, right? Yeps, nevers leaves my sides.
Hey, I got you a little gift so you don't forget us while you're having fun.
Wowee.
Thanks, Nathan.
This snow globes means a lots to me.
Sees ya! Finally.
I thought that [bleep.]
asshole would never leave! Yeah, the stupid lingerings diabetics.
What a dirty piece of [bleep.]
Okay, you two! Do not talk about your bandmate like that.
Shame on you! Skwisgaar.
That diabetic, baby tattletale always gets us in trouble, right? Yeah.
Now that he's gone, we can do whatever we want.
Gentlemen, it appears as if Toki Wartooth will be attending Rock-a-Rooni fantasy camp.
Here to speak more on the subject is Dr.
Bartholomew Grahsrihajul.
What is Rock-a-Rooni fantasy camp? It's a magical haven where regular Jack-offs are allowed to play music with rock-'n'-roll royalty.
Included in the standard Rock-a-Rooni fantasy camp package, you'll find these amazing benefits -- rock stars will be forced to live with you in a personal dormitory room.
You'll be able to shower with rock stars and bother them as they try to get through their day.
During your three-day stay, you'll be placed into a rock group with your own Rock-a-Rooni counselor, you'll jam with rock stars, and, yes, you will play a final performance in front of a sold-out crowd.
Friends and family will gaze upon your glory.
You will invite those that doubted you in life and show those mother[bleep.]
who you really are -- a pretend rock star.
And when you return home to your regular life, your wife will suck your [bleep.]
so hard.
We shall wait and see what this fantasy has to offer.
All right, campers! I just want to know one thing before we get started! Are you ready to Rock-a-Rooni?! Oh, yeah! Well, then, you came to the right place because rock 'n' roll-a-rooni is what Rock-a-Rooni fantasy camp is all about! Now, let's get things started.
Let's introduce ourselves.
Hi.
My name is Greg, and guess what.
I've got a case of the blues.
I-I'm not joking.
I really, really am depressed.
My name is Ludvik.
And I am the greatest.
I am done.
Clap! Hellos, everyones.
My names ams Tok-- a-Rooni war-- a-Rooni-Tooths.
I-I ams diabetic.
Don't worry.
I'ms just like you excepts I needs my Insulin shots every days.
Otherwise, I'll die.
But don'ts lets thats stop you froms coming ups to me and sharings and gettings close 'cause I'ms looking forwards to sharings my hearts with all of yous ands becomings friends forever.
I loves you all, and I woulds literally dies for each and every ones of y-- Ohh! [Bleep.]
Yeah, I can sees you all gots a wonderful senses of humor.
Okay.
Aw.
Miss the little guy already, heh.
Wait.
What are you playing? Stop playing! Stop playing! That's not the drum pattern.
I didn't tell you to make it your own, asshole.
Now, why don't you all shut the [bleep.]
up and listen to me, and let's play some [bleep.]
mu-- Hey.
Take it easy.
This isn't just your band.
It's our band.
Without me, you guys suck! You need to relax.
You're sounding crazy.
I'm crazy.
You don't even know what crazy even looks like! Aaaaah! We made a decision.
You're not in Dethklok anymore.
Uhyou better come and check this out.
Revenge is coming! All right, you guys ready to meet your Rock-a-Rooni counselors?! Oh, boys! This year, we got Lenny chimes, sandals lemonwhiskers, swords McCalister, Johnny Agamemnon, Archie Archibaldstein, and, of course, Magnus Hammersmith! That sounds so familiars.
All right, let the band picking begin! You.
You're in my band.
We gots the candies, the whipped creams.
We can finally watch "faces of deaths.
" Yeah.
Now that Toki am gones, we can [bleep.]
partys hardcores.
Yeah, I know.
Awesome.
Aaah! Aaaaaaah! Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! Uhhhhhhhhhh Uhhhhhhhhh Aaaaaaaaaah! Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Ugh! Ugh! Empty your pockets, or I unleash the viking madness! I don't have anything! I swear! Ow! Search him.
Well, well, well.
What do we have here? A limited-edition Eric Clapton signature-series pick? Ow! I thought you said you didn't have anything? I've been working my entire life to save up for that pick.
Please! Get him! Oh, nos! Betters tells the camps counselors abouts this! Come back here, you [bleep.]
Tattletale! There's some bad guys that is beating ups the campers! You better watch your back.
Revenge is coming.
What the [bleep.]
Okay, I hear you.
Ugh, what time is it? Can we sleeps with you, Pickle? We had too much whipped cream, and we watched "Faces of Death.
" And nows we gets nightmares.
Guys, guys, guys, what do I keep telling you about eating too much chocolate and watching scary movies? You said don't do it, but we did! You said don't do its anymore, but we did It doesn't matter now it's happening.
But now it's too late.
Please, Pickles.
All right, fine.
All right! Go to sleep, okay? Oh, thanks you, Pickle.
I think -- I think I got to fart.
Uh-oh.
[Bleep.]
damn it, go to [bleep.]
bed [bleep.]
- Pickles - Shut up! Pickles, wake up! We got to get Toki! Okay, Nathan, do you think you may be overparenting Toki just a little bit? Uh, what the [bleep.]
Are you guys doing in this bed? I'd rather not talk about it, okay? I just found out that Magnus Hammersmith is at Rock-a-Rooni fantasy camp.
Hey, everybodys! We're Twisted Daisy, and we're gonna play some rock 'n' roll-a-rooni.
We hopes you guys likes "mustang Sally"! Ones, twos, threes, fours! Let's do this.
Wowee! Thanks! Thanks you! Happy Birthday, you stupid diabetic tattletale.
But it's nots my birthday.
Well, no sense in wasting this cake.
No! Here.
Eat it, pussy.
Eat it.
Mmm, delicious.
My insulins! Gives me my insulins! No! I'm so sorry.
You're okay.
Magnus, you saves my life.
You're welcome.
You know whats? This ams bull[bleep.]
I'm not somes regular Jack-off, dildo campers.
My name's Toki Wartooth, and I'm in Dethkloks! I'ms taking my snow globes and gettings the [bleep.]
out of here! Oh, no.
Where's my snow globes? You mean this? Unh! Oops.
Oh [bleep.]
little kid.
You just [bleep.]
up real bad.
Hello, Magnus.
Hello, Pickles.
Tell me.
Which hand do you fret with? Aaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!