Mount Pleasant (2011) s04e07 Episode Script
Season 4, Episode 7
I'm so sorry, Bianca! Roger, please! It's OK! I'm sorry, Fergus, I can't marry you.
Do you not think it looks like we're, y'know? We have got a spare room.
Seems silly, all things considered, you staying out there.
Who was that on the phone? It was someone from City Wanderers.
They've offered me a spot.
A wage and everything! Robbie's not here, Dan.
I dropped him outside yours two hours ago.
Have you seen that envelope, the one Denise left with all the Fersa money in it? How much money, Lisa?! Dan! What? There's someone downstairs.
I heard a crash.
That Derek Acorah has got a lot to answer for.
Surely you're not going weight training at this time of the morning?! What? Another kung fu championship? What was that? You're gonna have to go downstairs.
Get something to defend yourself.
Why am I going? Well, who else is there? Your wife, the mother of your only child? You soon forget about women's rights when there's danger involved.
Agh! What am I supposed to do with that? It's not a spider! We thought you were a burglar! And that's how you were going to take me down? I've got some moves, as well.
What are you doing? Molly's not even awake yet.
I thought I'd make a head-start with the bottles.
I'll fetch her.
There's tea in the pot if you want a brew.
Well, I didn't, because I was asleep! Well, you're up now! Sorry.
You will be if you've used all the hot water again.
Sorry.
I wasn't in for long.
Greg, I'm teasing! I'm teasing.
I said make yourself at home.
Right, I shall, erm, make us some breakfast.
No! You can't come down until I tell you.
It's a surprise.
I'll get it.
All right, mate.
Dad, are you all right? You seem to be in a bit of a rush.
I just fancied getting up and out early, that's all.
That'll be Mum.
Already? Right, come on, out with it! It's Pauline.
She's been down every day, fussing over Molly.
Well, she is her nana.
And with everything that's happened with Robbie I know! She's projecting.
I'm not one to criticise, but she's got some very weird ideas about baby care.
Like what? I went to the shops yesterday and left her in charge and when I got back, her and Molly are watching Aliens.
Yeah, well, it is her favourite.
It's an 18! I just saw Greg taking in a parcel next door.
Looked very cosy! I told you, he's doing up Tanya's kitchen.
Doing it up naked, is he? Well, half naked.
He had a towel on, more's the pity.
Ooh, he's a big hunk, is that Greg! Isn't Greg a big hunk, eh? He is! Yes, he is! Phwoarrrrrr! I've made you some porridge.
You'll need to carb-load up for the big game tonight.
How long's Roger away for? Now, did he say a few days or a few weeks? I tried to ring him, but no answer.
Where is it he's gone? A religious cruise, I think.
Where to? Religious places.
Like where? Bethlehem, I think.
Isn't Bethlehem in the desert?! You've been training so hard, you need to stop worrying about Roger and concentrate on winning your first match tonight.
I suppose you've never done anything to be embarrassed about.
"You have reached St Swithuns Parish Church.
"Leave a message.
" "Roger, listen!" It's Gary's big match tonight and he really wants you to come.
I know you're avoiding me and, well, this is silly.
It was just a kiss.
Oh, don't! "Call me back.
"Please!" After all I've done for you! We were just going out.
It's going to rain any minute! She's seen this one, Pauline.
I know.
Molly loves it! Don't you? Yes, you do! Yeah.
Thanks, Jim.
I'll let him know.
Let who know what? I've been putting the feelers out for Greg.
Jim Lafferty's got some work over in Sheffield.
Greg is a big boy.
I'm sure he can find his own job.
Sometimes, he needs a push in the right direction.
I'll just nip round and tell him.
Well, when you've finished solving all Greg's problems, could you concern yourself with something a little bit closer to home.
What you talking about? She's my granddaughter, n'all! You've got to talk to your mum.
About what? She's upset with Robbie, so she's focusing on Molly.
I told you this would happen! I know, but it's driving me dad mad.
She doesn't even know that Robbie's taken the money yet! One bombshell at a time, yeah? I know, but we just don't want Molly to We don't want Molly to what? It's just, your upbringing was a little bit .
.
unorthodox.
I'll talk to her.
Dan! She's scared of it.
You're scared of it! Tell him, Dan.
You loved the horrors when you were a baby.
Toughened you up! I'm sorry, love, I can't take any more of this.
Me and Molly are going for a walk.
If there's no objections! What is his problem? Eh? Hi! Hey.
I just wanted to wish you good luck.
How are you feeling? Nervous.
Ah, you'll be brilliant! So, you're still coming, then? Yeah! I wouldn't miss it.
Me and Denise are coming with Josh.
Denise? It's not a problem, is it? What's going on? The photo in the paper where it looks like we're kissing, some of the lads on the team got it into their head that me and Denise .
.
were a couple.
Oh, dear! You've got to help me! Tell her she can't come.
No way! She's looking forward to it now.
Please, Ella.
Just tell them the truth! Fine.
Forget it.
Let me get this straight.
You're saying I'm a bad influence on Molly? No-one's saying that.
It's just that, things have changed since we were nippers, and they do things different now.
You're saying cos one son's a bigamist, I can't be trusted to look after my granddaughter? Mum! That's not - You turned out all right! Look, no-one is pretending that Robbie doesn't have issues.
I don't want to hear his name.
Robbie is not evil.
He just made a mistake! What does it matter? None of us have heard from him and none of us will.
He's gone! Mum I suppose that's another thing we can put down to my bad parenting! All right? Yeah.
No peeking.
I'm not! Ta-dah! Oh, I love it! Dishwasher, washing machine and the piece de resistance, for the lady of the house! Oh! You know me so well! Ohh! Right, now it's time for me to do what I do best Shopping! All right, mate.
Hi, Dan.
Hi.
Yeah, erm, I just wanted a chat with Greg.
Erm, OK, I'll wait for you in the car.
What's up? I spoke to Jim Lafferty.
He's got some work going in Sheffield if you're interested.
Sheffield? Yeah.
Wouldn't be a problem, would it? Does he know about me having being in prison? Er, I told him about the legal stuff.
I hope you don't mind.
He's cool with it.
He said he'd give you a call later.
Great.
Thanks.
What was that about? Nothing.
He, er, wanted to know if I fancied the match tonight.
Hiya, Lise.
Is Fergus about? He's around somewhere.
Come and sit down! The agency rang.
I've got an audition for an advert this afternoon.
But it's so last minute, I thought maybe Fergus could look after Josh.
Oh, I'm sure he could.
Josh hasn't seen him since we .
.
broke up.
He won't come to the house any more.
Whatever's gone on between you two, he's got to take responsibility for the little fella.
I don't want him to think I can't cope.
OK.
You can't ignore this forever.
You've got to put your big pants on and get this sorted.
I'll call you back this afternoon.
All right.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Hello, little man! Hey! Hello! Oh, erm, I'll put the kettle on.
Are you OK? Yeah, yeah, great.
Busy.
You know how it is.
And you? I was just wondering if you could take Josh for the afternoon? Ah, well, I would, but we really are very busy.
And my apartment isn't really baby-proofed yet.
It's a bit of a bachelor pad, if you know what I mean! So Where were you off to, anyway? Erm, last-minute audition.
Don't worry, I'll sort something out.
Er Hi, Dave.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm bang up for a night out! What, clubbing? Yeah.
Yeah.
Sure, that'll be immense.
What time were you thinking? All right, cheers, Dave.
Yeah, I'll see you later.
There you go, my lovely one.
As pretty as ever.
Hey, Roger! Come and say hello.
Hello, Sue! Very nice to see you again.
I come here a lot, to talk to her.
Do you think I'm mad? No.
I think it's good to have someone to talk to, even if they're no longer with us.
All right, Bazza, Rog! Terry.
It's Roger, actually.
All right, Susie Q? Oh, I'm good, thanks.
Your Margaret is doing my head in! So I need a lads' day out.
Are you in? If there's room enough for our Molly.
Course there is! Do you fancy it, Rev? No, no! That's very kind of you, but I Actually, I can think of nothing I'd rather do.
Come on, quick! Come on, Baz.
Bring the baby.
Heh-heh! Here we go! Do you reckon this will be enough? If not, we can always go back and get more.
Sure.
I didn't think you'd be such a great shopper.
Who knew there was so much to choosing plates? They're very intimate things, plates.
You can tell a lot about a person.
The art of plate reading, it's an ancient skill! Is that so? Oh, yeah.
Go on, then, what does this plate say about me? Someone with hidden depths, where not everything meets the eye.
Bradley? He lives to fight another day.
He'll be back soon.
You know that for sure, do you? Shall we get these inside? Why don't we get this unpacked? It'll be fun setting things straight.
I can't keep playing house with you.
I need to get a plan, I need to sort myself out.
I'll get the rest of the things out of the car.
Hello.
No, he's stepped away from the phone.
Jim Lafferty? Yeah, I'll tell him.
Sorry.
It was ringing.
Who's Jim Lafferty? He might have some work for me.
I'm not going to take it.
Why not? I promised Bradley I'd take care of you and Ella until he gets back, and I will.
I'm not some pampered little princess who needs her men running around after her, protecting her.
Don't feel sorry for me! I don't feel sorry for you.
Then, what is it? I made a promise.
Yeah, to Bradley.
Not to me.
Tanya Where are you going? When you said you had an "in", I was rather imagining someone on the board of directors or something.
Stop your mithering! Come on! Three missed calls, two voice mails.
Trouble at the pearly gates? Yes, well, Bianca and I have recently separated.
So, er, were you two, er Sorry? Did you get to have a go on old Cupid's kettle drums? Boom-boom, boom-boom! No, we had an emotional connection, not a physical one.
I have quite an intoxicating personality.
She formed quite an attachment to me.
Take it from one who knows, Rog, don't get landed.
Tell 'em who's boss and keep 'em in their place! Hello, sweetheart! Yeah.
I'm out doing the shopping, like you asked.
Yeah.
Offside! Hiya.
Ooh, hiya! I'll have a double.
Of what? Start at that end.
You're up to something.
What? It's too quiet.
Where's The Fergus Show? I'm working.
Hiya! Er, are you sure you've got the right place? I'm looking for a job.
You've really bloody done it this time! Dan, I'm sorry about the money.
I was desperate! Oh, here we go! Poor desperate Robbie Johnson, can't help marrying two women at once, can't help stealing from his own family! Do you know how hard Lisa works? That money was for her business.
And Mum Mum is breaking her heart again! And why? Because you lie and you cheat and you take advantage every single time! I'm sorry, Dan.
I want to put things right.
I sometimes wonder if we'd all not be better off without you.
And now you reckon you can just swan in here because you're sorry and everything'll be all right? I've never done this before.
Well, we work like any other recruitment agency, really.
No, I've never looked for a job before.
I've never had one.
OK! So no previous experience, that's fine.
We can look at entry level.
What qualifications do you have? I have a GCSE.
Textile Design.
A "D".
Oh! Right! Right.
Ella doesn't take after me, I'm happy to say! OK.
Well, let's have a look, shall we? You'll struggle to find anything with just that.
Thanks for your input! I'm sure we'll find you something.
I'll take anything.
It really doesn't matter what.
Hang on a minute.
I tell a lie.
We had a woman looking for a cleaner, didn't we, Lisa? Yeah.
A Mrs Jefferson.
Posh townhouse in Didsbury.
Oh! I can do that! I've had cleaners.
I'll go there right now.
Thanks.
Another satisfied customer! Brew? Exactly how I was a bad mother? After everything I've done for them.
Both of them! Our Kerry once told me I'd ruined her life.
I shouldn't have to put up with it.
So I told her she'd ruined mine.
I'm her nana.
Her only nana! I'm not having it.
I'm going to find him.
Who? Barry! He's out with Terry.
Well, where are they? He says he's doing the shopping.
Soon tell you where he really is, though.
I put this app on his phone - Find Your Friends.
I wouldn't say Terry was a friend, but it still works.
Bingo! Time for a little chat with your Auntie Lisa.
I'm busy, Lisa.
I've got stuff I need to sort out.
Mm.
You're telling me.
That's not what it looks like.
What, it's not a sleeping bag? Sometimes I get cold.
I found these hanging out to dry in the men's toilets.
I had an accident.
Because that's less embarrassing than admitting that you're sleeping in the office? And not for the first time.
Yeah, actually, I think it is.
I think it is less embarrassing than being slung out on your ear and having nowhere to live! You need to talk to her.
And have her think I'm a loser, have Josh think that his dad's pathetic? So, you'd rather have them think that you don't care? Because this act you're putting on, this "everything's fine" stuff, that's what it's got her thinking.
Of course I care! Then, talk to her.
Besides, she's always known you're a loser! Get on with it, Terry! You sound like Margaret.
You've got to take your time, get it right.
It's all about the angle.
Molly needs changing.
So do it here.
On a golf course? It's nature, innit? It's good for 'em.
Long walk back, otherwise I do like a woman in Pringle! I could never get Margaret to try it.
This is a nine-hole golf course, isn't it? Number three of the full 18.
Oh, God! Thank you very much! Here I am trying to show you a nice time, take your mind off your girl troubles and all you can do is moan.
Excuse me! Can I see your membership cards, please? Oh, damn! I appear to have left them in the car.
Then, you won't mind giving me your names.
Of course.
It's Johnny.
Johnny .
.
Walker.
And this is my brother .
.
Murray, and our friend, the Reverend .
.
Green.
I have a full list of members at the club house.
And you will find our names on it.
Don't go away.
Oh, you're still here.
Yep, and I'm not going anywhere.
Suit yourself.
I've got an interview.
Really? It's for a job as a cleaner.
I bet you think that's hopeless, don't you, pretty pathetic? Nothing of the sort.
I think it's fantastic, actually.
Tanya, you're not hopeless.
Not at all.
I've seen you holding it together all this time.
You're strong.
I think you can do anything you put your mind to.
Really? Really.
Good, because I'm taking control of my own life for once.
Nice one, Bazza! I don't see how it's my fault.
Reverend Green?! Maybe if Terry hadn't sexually harassed those women Cursed for appreciating the female form? Let's just get the hell out of here before he comes back! So, where are they? Ha! Gotcha! Come on, Margaret.
I'm not running! Hey! Sorry, lads, but this is an emergency! You can't do that! Don't make me hurt you.
Whoo! Terry! Come back! TERRY! Barry! Terry! Come back here! Terry! We're gonna catch you! Terry! Barry! Terry! Terry! What do you think you're playing at? Terry! The perfect end to a perfect day.
It feels funny ringing the doorbell.
Come in.
Hey! What've you got there? What's that? We've been playing Old McDonald.
I wanted to be the farmer but Josh insisted! I'm sorry about earlier.
I should've helped you out.
Mum didn't mind taking him.
Yeah, but the thing is I better get that.
Yeah, course.
It's the agency.
Hi, Donna.
It's OK.
I completely understand.
Yeah.
The next one, for sure.
See you.
Bye.
I'm sorry, Denise.
TV's probably out of my league.
Nothing is out of your league! I've been, erm, sleeping at the office.
And I haven't been out clubbing every night, either.
I can barely keep my eyes open after ten! But why? Because .
.
I didn't want you to think I wasn't coping.
And I am going to be a proper support to you and Josh.
Whatever's happened, he's still my son.
And you're still my best friend.
Hiya! He came back? He gave me this and left.
Well, at least we don't have to tell Denise.
What a day! You won't believe this but, erm, we are alone.
Hello? Dad? Is that supposed to be doing it for me? This and, er, a bath for two.
Ooh! Don't answer it! But it might be Molly.
Mum? Dad? What's happened? Calm down.
The golf club? What do you mean, detained? I've made a decision.
My marriage is over.
You're sure? Hey! Ooh! The place looks great! It's all credit to your mum.
Ella, we need to talk.
The golf club are threatening to call the police! I'll kill 'em! Not if I get my hands on them first.
Who now?! Uncle Terry? Aunty Margaret? Well, they're already there! Yes, this is him.
W-Which hospital? Yeah, erm, I'm on my way.
It's Robbie.
He's in hospital.
Oh, Dan You go to the hospital and I'll go to the golf club and sort them out.
Have you spoken to dad yet? No.
But you're sure? Well, then, I'll support you, whatever happens next.
£500 damages?! What a rip off! Just be grateful they didn't call the police! And what were you thinking, getting Molly involved in this? It wasn't my fault! It was Pauline! No it was not, it was Terry's! I think we can all agree it were Margaret! I was coerced.
I don't care whose fault it was, I can't believe you dragged me here to sort this out.
Are you coming, lad? No.
I don't want to intrude.
I think it's best if I'm on my own, especially after a day like this.
The first time I cast eyes on Sue was in Preston.
She was wearing a red dress with blue flowers on, waiting for the 2.
20 from Manchester.
When was the first time you saw Bianca? Er I'm fairly certain it was in the, er, Dog and Dart.
And? And, er, well, she was, she was wearing this, erm, well, clothes and, you know, serving drinks and I probably had a scotch.
That day in Preston, my heart exploded.
Have you ever felt that way, Roger? No.
Then, don't let pride get in the way of a friendship.
Wait! For luck I passed my driving test, got all my exams and my eye test, all with Trixie.
She never fails.
Will she work if I leave her in my bag? Yeah, I guess so.
Have you heard from Roger? Yes.
Yes, I did, actually.
Erm, he said he's still in the desert, he said something about camels .
.
and that he'd be back tonight! I'm sorry.
You're here now.
Oh, thank God! Roger, I need some prayers.
I've already put in a call on your behalf.
Great.
How were the camels? What? We're here.
Robbie, I thought something terrible had happened - I just got in a bit of a fight, that's all.
Drop me back at the hostel and I'll be out of your hair.
It's like you said, you're all better off without me.
The hostel? Aren't they for the .
.
accomodationally challenged? Come on, let's get you inside and sober, before anyone sees you.
I was trying to stop a crime in action.
What was that with that buggy, a citizen's arrest? What d'you mean? That's enough! Enough, I said enough.
I Right! Now, we're all going to sit down like a nice, normal family.
Not the sort that trespasses or steals buggies or causes actual bodily harm to golfers! That was Margaret.
I was provoked.
Sit down.
You sit down, too! Right .
.
has anyone got anything they feel they want to say? I'd like to know how she found me.
A woman has ways.
She's got a tracker on you.
A tracker?! Where is it? I knew it! I knew there was something! Where's this tracker, eh? I-I was thinking of Robbie, actually.
Oh.
Right, yeah.
Look, I know you've heard me say I'm sorry a hundred times before, but every time I've said it, I've meant it.
Look, I know I'm a failure, Mum, and sorry is all I've got.
And to be fair to him, Robbie did bring back that money.
What money? What money? I stole two grand off Lisa.
And nobody thought to tell me? Oh, I get it! We didn't want to upset you.
No, it's all becoming clear.
First I'm a bad nana and now a bad mum.
I might not have been the best when you two were growing up Mum! .
.
but I tried.
I tried really hard! I must've let you all down very, very badly.
Oh, Mum, that's not true! Can you believe it, Roger, our Gary - a professional footballer! I don't know why we had to be here quite so early.
I don't want to miss one second.
Not one second! Yes Could we not peak quite too soon? Right! I cannot stand to look at your faces for a second longer.
Charming.
So I think we should all go to the football match, like we planned.
I'm not going anywhere.
Me neither.
You are gonna straighten your face and take your wife out, and you are going to be where we can keep an eye on you.
Now, go and get changed.
Now! Do you mind if I go over there? All right, sweetie.
Hiya! Do you mind if I have a word with Denise? No, no.
I'll get us some ice creams.
Can I have mine not too cold? What's wrong? I need to talk to you about Gary.
He's been bragging to the team.
Do you play yourself? Yeah.
It has been known.
Yeah, I thought you were the type.
And what's that? You know, fit.
I mean "fit" as in "sporty"! Where's Gary? What? Which one is he? There he is.
Half time, fellas.
Gary.
Denise, look, I can explain.
I lied.
Too right you did, you rotten, cheating pig! Cheat on me with another model, you are so dumped! Hard luck, buddy.
All right, Dan? I'd better get these back.
They weren't that hot to start with.
Dinner for two, is it? You and Tanya look pretty cosy.
You know what, I'm getting a bit sick of the third degree about this.
Steady! I'm just trying to be a mate.
There's really no need to worry.
She's married, Greg! Not to mention a little bit mental.
Back off! You don't know anything about her.
It's got nothing to do with you.
Excuse me.
Hi.
I, er, I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
It's fine.
No harm done.
Actually, you did do harm.
It doesn't matter! Yes, it does.
This lady is worth ten of you, my friend, so I've only got one thing to say to you.
Now jog on.
Come on! I give up.
I'm going to check on Molly.
Dan.
I need to put things right with Mum.
We both do.
Tomorrow.
We'll be in better shape after a night's kip.
We've got to stop meeting like this! Why does everything I say to you sound so cheesy? I don't want this to be like .
.
a game or a moment, or like anything I've done before.
Me either.
I really care about you.
Now it's me sounding cheesy! It doesn't.
It doesn't, not if it's true.
I shouldn't be laying this on you.
You've just - No.
We've got to be sure.
Look .
.
will it be OK if .
.
if I slept in there tonight? I mean, nothing, you know .
.
just to be close.
There's that Florence from your Weight Watchers, Terry.
You're trying to fix me up! Just call me Cupid! Do you know how many times we've just disappeared? Not this time! This time, we are going to do it on our terms, not his.
This time, we actually get to say goodbye.
The offer still stands.
A fresh start Why aren't we calling the police? No! No police! He's got a gun, Dan! What are we going to do? Whatever it takes.
Do you not think it looks like we're, y'know? We have got a spare room.
Seems silly, all things considered, you staying out there.
Who was that on the phone? It was someone from City Wanderers.
They've offered me a spot.
A wage and everything! Robbie's not here, Dan.
I dropped him outside yours two hours ago.
Have you seen that envelope, the one Denise left with all the Fersa money in it? How much money, Lisa?! Dan! What? There's someone downstairs.
I heard a crash.
That Derek Acorah has got a lot to answer for.
Surely you're not going weight training at this time of the morning?! What? Another kung fu championship? What was that? You're gonna have to go downstairs.
Get something to defend yourself.
Why am I going? Well, who else is there? Your wife, the mother of your only child? You soon forget about women's rights when there's danger involved.
Agh! What am I supposed to do with that? It's not a spider! We thought you were a burglar! And that's how you were going to take me down? I've got some moves, as well.
What are you doing? Molly's not even awake yet.
I thought I'd make a head-start with the bottles.
I'll fetch her.
There's tea in the pot if you want a brew.
Well, I didn't, because I was asleep! Well, you're up now! Sorry.
You will be if you've used all the hot water again.
Sorry.
I wasn't in for long.
Greg, I'm teasing! I'm teasing.
I said make yourself at home.
Right, I shall, erm, make us some breakfast.
No! You can't come down until I tell you.
It's a surprise.
I'll get it.
All right, mate.
Dad, are you all right? You seem to be in a bit of a rush.
I just fancied getting up and out early, that's all.
That'll be Mum.
Already? Right, come on, out with it! It's Pauline.
She's been down every day, fussing over Molly.
Well, she is her nana.
And with everything that's happened with Robbie I know! She's projecting.
I'm not one to criticise, but she's got some very weird ideas about baby care.
Like what? I went to the shops yesterday and left her in charge and when I got back, her and Molly are watching Aliens.
Yeah, well, it is her favourite.
It's an 18! I just saw Greg taking in a parcel next door.
Looked very cosy! I told you, he's doing up Tanya's kitchen.
Doing it up naked, is he? Well, half naked.
He had a towel on, more's the pity.
Ooh, he's a big hunk, is that Greg! Isn't Greg a big hunk, eh? He is! Yes, he is! Phwoarrrrrr! I've made you some porridge.
You'll need to carb-load up for the big game tonight.
How long's Roger away for? Now, did he say a few days or a few weeks? I tried to ring him, but no answer.
Where is it he's gone? A religious cruise, I think.
Where to? Religious places.
Like where? Bethlehem, I think.
Isn't Bethlehem in the desert?! You've been training so hard, you need to stop worrying about Roger and concentrate on winning your first match tonight.
I suppose you've never done anything to be embarrassed about.
"You have reached St Swithuns Parish Church.
"Leave a message.
" "Roger, listen!" It's Gary's big match tonight and he really wants you to come.
I know you're avoiding me and, well, this is silly.
It was just a kiss.
Oh, don't! "Call me back.
"Please!" After all I've done for you! We were just going out.
It's going to rain any minute! She's seen this one, Pauline.
I know.
Molly loves it! Don't you? Yes, you do! Yeah.
Thanks, Jim.
I'll let him know.
Let who know what? I've been putting the feelers out for Greg.
Jim Lafferty's got some work over in Sheffield.
Greg is a big boy.
I'm sure he can find his own job.
Sometimes, he needs a push in the right direction.
I'll just nip round and tell him.
Well, when you've finished solving all Greg's problems, could you concern yourself with something a little bit closer to home.
What you talking about? She's my granddaughter, n'all! You've got to talk to your mum.
About what? She's upset with Robbie, so she's focusing on Molly.
I told you this would happen! I know, but it's driving me dad mad.
She doesn't even know that Robbie's taken the money yet! One bombshell at a time, yeah? I know, but we just don't want Molly to We don't want Molly to what? It's just, your upbringing was a little bit .
.
unorthodox.
I'll talk to her.
Dan! She's scared of it.
You're scared of it! Tell him, Dan.
You loved the horrors when you were a baby.
Toughened you up! I'm sorry, love, I can't take any more of this.
Me and Molly are going for a walk.
If there's no objections! What is his problem? Eh? Hi! Hey.
I just wanted to wish you good luck.
How are you feeling? Nervous.
Ah, you'll be brilliant! So, you're still coming, then? Yeah! I wouldn't miss it.
Me and Denise are coming with Josh.
Denise? It's not a problem, is it? What's going on? The photo in the paper where it looks like we're kissing, some of the lads on the team got it into their head that me and Denise .
.
were a couple.
Oh, dear! You've got to help me! Tell her she can't come.
No way! She's looking forward to it now.
Please, Ella.
Just tell them the truth! Fine.
Forget it.
Let me get this straight.
You're saying I'm a bad influence on Molly? No-one's saying that.
It's just that, things have changed since we were nippers, and they do things different now.
You're saying cos one son's a bigamist, I can't be trusted to look after my granddaughter? Mum! That's not - You turned out all right! Look, no-one is pretending that Robbie doesn't have issues.
I don't want to hear his name.
Robbie is not evil.
He just made a mistake! What does it matter? None of us have heard from him and none of us will.
He's gone! Mum I suppose that's another thing we can put down to my bad parenting! All right? Yeah.
No peeking.
I'm not! Ta-dah! Oh, I love it! Dishwasher, washing machine and the piece de resistance, for the lady of the house! Oh! You know me so well! Ohh! Right, now it's time for me to do what I do best Shopping! All right, mate.
Hi, Dan.
Hi.
Yeah, erm, I just wanted a chat with Greg.
Erm, OK, I'll wait for you in the car.
What's up? I spoke to Jim Lafferty.
He's got some work going in Sheffield if you're interested.
Sheffield? Yeah.
Wouldn't be a problem, would it? Does he know about me having being in prison? Er, I told him about the legal stuff.
I hope you don't mind.
He's cool with it.
He said he'd give you a call later.
Great.
Thanks.
What was that about? Nothing.
He, er, wanted to know if I fancied the match tonight.
Hiya, Lise.
Is Fergus about? He's around somewhere.
Come and sit down! The agency rang.
I've got an audition for an advert this afternoon.
But it's so last minute, I thought maybe Fergus could look after Josh.
Oh, I'm sure he could.
Josh hasn't seen him since we .
.
broke up.
He won't come to the house any more.
Whatever's gone on between you two, he's got to take responsibility for the little fella.
I don't want him to think I can't cope.
OK.
You can't ignore this forever.
You've got to put your big pants on and get this sorted.
I'll call you back this afternoon.
All right.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Hello, little man! Hey! Hello! Oh, erm, I'll put the kettle on.
Are you OK? Yeah, yeah, great.
Busy.
You know how it is.
And you? I was just wondering if you could take Josh for the afternoon? Ah, well, I would, but we really are very busy.
And my apartment isn't really baby-proofed yet.
It's a bit of a bachelor pad, if you know what I mean! So Where were you off to, anyway? Erm, last-minute audition.
Don't worry, I'll sort something out.
Er Hi, Dave.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm bang up for a night out! What, clubbing? Yeah.
Yeah.
Sure, that'll be immense.
What time were you thinking? All right, cheers, Dave.
Yeah, I'll see you later.
There you go, my lovely one.
As pretty as ever.
Hey, Roger! Come and say hello.
Hello, Sue! Very nice to see you again.
I come here a lot, to talk to her.
Do you think I'm mad? No.
I think it's good to have someone to talk to, even if they're no longer with us.
All right, Bazza, Rog! Terry.
It's Roger, actually.
All right, Susie Q? Oh, I'm good, thanks.
Your Margaret is doing my head in! So I need a lads' day out.
Are you in? If there's room enough for our Molly.
Course there is! Do you fancy it, Rev? No, no! That's very kind of you, but I Actually, I can think of nothing I'd rather do.
Come on, quick! Come on, Baz.
Bring the baby.
Heh-heh! Here we go! Do you reckon this will be enough? If not, we can always go back and get more.
Sure.
I didn't think you'd be such a great shopper.
Who knew there was so much to choosing plates? They're very intimate things, plates.
You can tell a lot about a person.
The art of plate reading, it's an ancient skill! Is that so? Oh, yeah.
Go on, then, what does this plate say about me? Someone with hidden depths, where not everything meets the eye.
Bradley? He lives to fight another day.
He'll be back soon.
You know that for sure, do you? Shall we get these inside? Why don't we get this unpacked? It'll be fun setting things straight.
I can't keep playing house with you.
I need to get a plan, I need to sort myself out.
I'll get the rest of the things out of the car.
Hello.
No, he's stepped away from the phone.
Jim Lafferty? Yeah, I'll tell him.
Sorry.
It was ringing.
Who's Jim Lafferty? He might have some work for me.
I'm not going to take it.
Why not? I promised Bradley I'd take care of you and Ella until he gets back, and I will.
I'm not some pampered little princess who needs her men running around after her, protecting her.
Don't feel sorry for me! I don't feel sorry for you.
Then, what is it? I made a promise.
Yeah, to Bradley.
Not to me.
Tanya Where are you going? When you said you had an "in", I was rather imagining someone on the board of directors or something.
Stop your mithering! Come on! Three missed calls, two voice mails.
Trouble at the pearly gates? Yes, well, Bianca and I have recently separated.
So, er, were you two, er Sorry? Did you get to have a go on old Cupid's kettle drums? Boom-boom, boom-boom! No, we had an emotional connection, not a physical one.
I have quite an intoxicating personality.
She formed quite an attachment to me.
Take it from one who knows, Rog, don't get landed.
Tell 'em who's boss and keep 'em in their place! Hello, sweetheart! Yeah.
I'm out doing the shopping, like you asked.
Yeah.
Offside! Hiya.
Ooh, hiya! I'll have a double.
Of what? Start at that end.
You're up to something.
What? It's too quiet.
Where's The Fergus Show? I'm working.
Hiya! Er, are you sure you've got the right place? I'm looking for a job.
You've really bloody done it this time! Dan, I'm sorry about the money.
I was desperate! Oh, here we go! Poor desperate Robbie Johnson, can't help marrying two women at once, can't help stealing from his own family! Do you know how hard Lisa works? That money was for her business.
And Mum Mum is breaking her heart again! And why? Because you lie and you cheat and you take advantage every single time! I'm sorry, Dan.
I want to put things right.
I sometimes wonder if we'd all not be better off without you.
And now you reckon you can just swan in here because you're sorry and everything'll be all right? I've never done this before.
Well, we work like any other recruitment agency, really.
No, I've never looked for a job before.
I've never had one.
OK! So no previous experience, that's fine.
We can look at entry level.
What qualifications do you have? I have a GCSE.
Textile Design.
A "D".
Oh! Right! Right.
Ella doesn't take after me, I'm happy to say! OK.
Well, let's have a look, shall we? You'll struggle to find anything with just that.
Thanks for your input! I'm sure we'll find you something.
I'll take anything.
It really doesn't matter what.
Hang on a minute.
I tell a lie.
We had a woman looking for a cleaner, didn't we, Lisa? Yeah.
A Mrs Jefferson.
Posh townhouse in Didsbury.
Oh! I can do that! I've had cleaners.
I'll go there right now.
Thanks.
Another satisfied customer! Brew? Exactly how I was a bad mother? After everything I've done for them.
Both of them! Our Kerry once told me I'd ruined her life.
I shouldn't have to put up with it.
So I told her she'd ruined mine.
I'm her nana.
Her only nana! I'm not having it.
I'm going to find him.
Who? Barry! He's out with Terry.
Well, where are they? He says he's doing the shopping.
Soon tell you where he really is, though.
I put this app on his phone - Find Your Friends.
I wouldn't say Terry was a friend, but it still works.
Bingo! Time for a little chat with your Auntie Lisa.
I'm busy, Lisa.
I've got stuff I need to sort out.
Mm.
You're telling me.
That's not what it looks like.
What, it's not a sleeping bag? Sometimes I get cold.
I found these hanging out to dry in the men's toilets.
I had an accident.
Because that's less embarrassing than admitting that you're sleeping in the office? And not for the first time.
Yeah, actually, I think it is.
I think it is less embarrassing than being slung out on your ear and having nowhere to live! You need to talk to her.
And have her think I'm a loser, have Josh think that his dad's pathetic? So, you'd rather have them think that you don't care? Because this act you're putting on, this "everything's fine" stuff, that's what it's got her thinking.
Of course I care! Then, talk to her.
Besides, she's always known you're a loser! Get on with it, Terry! You sound like Margaret.
You've got to take your time, get it right.
It's all about the angle.
Molly needs changing.
So do it here.
On a golf course? It's nature, innit? It's good for 'em.
Long walk back, otherwise I do like a woman in Pringle! I could never get Margaret to try it.
This is a nine-hole golf course, isn't it? Number three of the full 18.
Oh, God! Thank you very much! Here I am trying to show you a nice time, take your mind off your girl troubles and all you can do is moan.
Excuse me! Can I see your membership cards, please? Oh, damn! I appear to have left them in the car.
Then, you won't mind giving me your names.
Of course.
It's Johnny.
Johnny .
.
Walker.
And this is my brother .
.
Murray, and our friend, the Reverend .
.
Green.
I have a full list of members at the club house.
And you will find our names on it.
Don't go away.
Oh, you're still here.
Yep, and I'm not going anywhere.
Suit yourself.
I've got an interview.
Really? It's for a job as a cleaner.
I bet you think that's hopeless, don't you, pretty pathetic? Nothing of the sort.
I think it's fantastic, actually.
Tanya, you're not hopeless.
Not at all.
I've seen you holding it together all this time.
You're strong.
I think you can do anything you put your mind to.
Really? Really.
Good, because I'm taking control of my own life for once.
Nice one, Bazza! I don't see how it's my fault.
Reverend Green?! Maybe if Terry hadn't sexually harassed those women Cursed for appreciating the female form? Let's just get the hell out of here before he comes back! So, where are they? Ha! Gotcha! Come on, Margaret.
I'm not running! Hey! Sorry, lads, but this is an emergency! You can't do that! Don't make me hurt you.
Whoo! Terry! Come back! TERRY! Barry! Terry! Come back here! Terry! We're gonna catch you! Terry! Barry! Terry! Terry! What do you think you're playing at? Terry! The perfect end to a perfect day.
It feels funny ringing the doorbell.
Come in.
Hey! What've you got there? What's that? We've been playing Old McDonald.
I wanted to be the farmer but Josh insisted! I'm sorry about earlier.
I should've helped you out.
Mum didn't mind taking him.
Yeah, but the thing is I better get that.
Yeah, course.
It's the agency.
Hi, Donna.
It's OK.
I completely understand.
Yeah.
The next one, for sure.
See you.
Bye.
I'm sorry, Denise.
TV's probably out of my league.
Nothing is out of your league! I've been, erm, sleeping at the office.
And I haven't been out clubbing every night, either.
I can barely keep my eyes open after ten! But why? Because .
.
I didn't want you to think I wasn't coping.
And I am going to be a proper support to you and Josh.
Whatever's happened, he's still my son.
And you're still my best friend.
Hiya! He came back? He gave me this and left.
Well, at least we don't have to tell Denise.
What a day! You won't believe this but, erm, we are alone.
Hello? Dad? Is that supposed to be doing it for me? This and, er, a bath for two.
Ooh! Don't answer it! But it might be Molly.
Mum? Dad? What's happened? Calm down.
The golf club? What do you mean, detained? I've made a decision.
My marriage is over.
You're sure? Hey! Ooh! The place looks great! It's all credit to your mum.
Ella, we need to talk.
The golf club are threatening to call the police! I'll kill 'em! Not if I get my hands on them first.
Who now?! Uncle Terry? Aunty Margaret? Well, they're already there! Yes, this is him.
W-Which hospital? Yeah, erm, I'm on my way.
It's Robbie.
He's in hospital.
Oh, Dan You go to the hospital and I'll go to the golf club and sort them out.
Have you spoken to dad yet? No.
But you're sure? Well, then, I'll support you, whatever happens next.
£500 damages?! What a rip off! Just be grateful they didn't call the police! And what were you thinking, getting Molly involved in this? It wasn't my fault! It was Pauline! No it was not, it was Terry's! I think we can all agree it were Margaret! I was coerced.
I don't care whose fault it was, I can't believe you dragged me here to sort this out.
Are you coming, lad? No.
I don't want to intrude.
I think it's best if I'm on my own, especially after a day like this.
The first time I cast eyes on Sue was in Preston.
She was wearing a red dress with blue flowers on, waiting for the 2.
20 from Manchester.
When was the first time you saw Bianca? Er I'm fairly certain it was in the, er, Dog and Dart.
And? And, er, well, she was, she was wearing this, erm, well, clothes and, you know, serving drinks and I probably had a scotch.
That day in Preston, my heart exploded.
Have you ever felt that way, Roger? No.
Then, don't let pride get in the way of a friendship.
Wait! For luck I passed my driving test, got all my exams and my eye test, all with Trixie.
She never fails.
Will she work if I leave her in my bag? Yeah, I guess so.
Have you heard from Roger? Yes.
Yes, I did, actually.
Erm, he said he's still in the desert, he said something about camels .
.
and that he'd be back tonight! I'm sorry.
You're here now.
Oh, thank God! Roger, I need some prayers.
I've already put in a call on your behalf.
Great.
How were the camels? What? We're here.
Robbie, I thought something terrible had happened - I just got in a bit of a fight, that's all.
Drop me back at the hostel and I'll be out of your hair.
It's like you said, you're all better off without me.
The hostel? Aren't they for the .
.
accomodationally challenged? Come on, let's get you inside and sober, before anyone sees you.
I was trying to stop a crime in action.
What was that with that buggy, a citizen's arrest? What d'you mean? That's enough! Enough, I said enough.
I Right! Now, we're all going to sit down like a nice, normal family.
Not the sort that trespasses or steals buggies or causes actual bodily harm to golfers! That was Margaret.
I was provoked.
Sit down.
You sit down, too! Right .
.
has anyone got anything they feel they want to say? I'd like to know how she found me.
A woman has ways.
She's got a tracker on you.
A tracker?! Where is it? I knew it! I knew there was something! Where's this tracker, eh? I-I was thinking of Robbie, actually.
Oh.
Right, yeah.
Look, I know you've heard me say I'm sorry a hundred times before, but every time I've said it, I've meant it.
Look, I know I'm a failure, Mum, and sorry is all I've got.
And to be fair to him, Robbie did bring back that money.
What money? What money? I stole two grand off Lisa.
And nobody thought to tell me? Oh, I get it! We didn't want to upset you.
No, it's all becoming clear.
First I'm a bad nana and now a bad mum.
I might not have been the best when you two were growing up Mum! .
.
but I tried.
I tried really hard! I must've let you all down very, very badly.
Oh, Mum, that's not true! Can you believe it, Roger, our Gary - a professional footballer! I don't know why we had to be here quite so early.
I don't want to miss one second.
Not one second! Yes Could we not peak quite too soon? Right! I cannot stand to look at your faces for a second longer.
Charming.
So I think we should all go to the football match, like we planned.
I'm not going anywhere.
Me neither.
You are gonna straighten your face and take your wife out, and you are going to be where we can keep an eye on you.
Now, go and get changed.
Now! Do you mind if I go over there? All right, sweetie.
Hiya! Do you mind if I have a word with Denise? No, no.
I'll get us some ice creams.
Can I have mine not too cold? What's wrong? I need to talk to you about Gary.
He's been bragging to the team.
Do you play yourself? Yeah.
It has been known.
Yeah, I thought you were the type.
And what's that? You know, fit.
I mean "fit" as in "sporty"! Where's Gary? What? Which one is he? There he is.
Half time, fellas.
Gary.
Denise, look, I can explain.
I lied.
Too right you did, you rotten, cheating pig! Cheat on me with another model, you are so dumped! Hard luck, buddy.
All right, Dan? I'd better get these back.
They weren't that hot to start with.
Dinner for two, is it? You and Tanya look pretty cosy.
You know what, I'm getting a bit sick of the third degree about this.
Steady! I'm just trying to be a mate.
There's really no need to worry.
She's married, Greg! Not to mention a little bit mental.
Back off! You don't know anything about her.
It's got nothing to do with you.
Excuse me.
Hi.
I, er, I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
It's fine.
No harm done.
Actually, you did do harm.
It doesn't matter! Yes, it does.
This lady is worth ten of you, my friend, so I've only got one thing to say to you.
Now jog on.
Come on! I give up.
I'm going to check on Molly.
Dan.
I need to put things right with Mum.
We both do.
Tomorrow.
We'll be in better shape after a night's kip.
We've got to stop meeting like this! Why does everything I say to you sound so cheesy? I don't want this to be like .
.
a game or a moment, or like anything I've done before.
Me either.
I really care about you.
Now it's me sounding cheesy! It doesn't.
It doesn't, not if it's true.
I shouldn't be laying this on you.
You've just - No.
We've got to be sure.
Look .
.
will it be OK if .
.
if I slept in there tonight? I mean, nothing, you know .
.
just to be close.
There's that Florence from your Weight Watchers, Terry.
You're trying to fix me up! Just call me Cupid! Do you know how many times we've just disappeared? Not this time! This time, we are going to do it on our terms, not his.
This time, we actually get to say goodbye.
The offer still stands.
A fresh start Why aren't we calling the police? No! No police! He's got a gun, Dan! What are we going to do? Whatever it takes.