Phineas and Ferb s04e07 Episode Script

Perry! Hey, you can't do that! Hey, the same thing, but in French! You're out of your jurisdiction, buddy.
I'll take it from here, eh? Coming through! Well, there's no catching up to them now.
Agent P, we've just received word you're on Canadian soil.
We don't have jurisdiction there.
Stand down! That's an order! Sorry, Agent P, our hands are tied.
Carl, don't interrupt me.
Return to Headquarters pronto.
Sorry.
Good morning, Perry.
Ready to start another fun day? Good morning, Perry.
Hi, Perry.
How are you? Okay, Mom, if you go out into the yard today, and there's nothing there, I'll I'll clean the bathroom.
Candace, you were supposed to do that, anyway.
So, we have a deal? So what you're sayin' is that it advocates a mixed economy, with significant roles are played by the private sector, and the government? No, it Actually, yes.
That is what I was saying.
Hey, Perry.
Good morning, Perry.
What'cha doin'? Agent P, Doofenshmirtz was last seen boarding a train transporting Precious Albert the Moose.
Cue the graphic, Carl.
Albert the Moose is Canada's prized animal, who represents the unity of the provinces.
We need you to make sure that Doof keeps his mitts off that moose.
If you fail, the Canada Day celebrations will be ruined, and Canada will break into civil war.
Or, since it's Canada, it would be a civil conversation where secession would be the topic of discussion, and— Carl? Antlers? Sorry, sir.
Now, this train runs along the border between the United States and Canada, so you only have jurisdiction on the American side of the train.
To help you out on the Canadian side of the train, you'll be teaming up with an Agent from COWCA, the Canadian Organization Without a Cool Acronym, Agent Lyla.
You may remember her from that special assignment for our Seattle Bureau we sent you on a couple of months ago.
I know that didn't go too well but I expect you to be a professional and put that all behind you.
So, get out there and good luck! Carl, can I— Can I have those antlers back? Sure, sir.
Oh, yeah! I'm rockin' this look! Woo-hoo! Ah, Agent P, we meet again.
Aw, look at that face.
I know, you work alone.
But you'll see, Mr.
"I-can-do-it-all-by-myself".
Having someone to watch your back might be just what you need there.
Hey, where are you going? Ah, Perry the Platypus, what an unexpected surpr— Oh, wait, wait, wait! You're trapped by societal convention.
You're trapped by societal convention.
Look, we're in a fine dinning environment, everyone knows not to throw a scene in a fancy restaurant.
That's right.
You're trapped.
Sit down.
Oh, shoot! I see we're trapped by societal convention.
Agent Lyla from COWCA? Is this an international team-up? Oh, you must hate that, Perry the Platypus.
A loner like you? Oh, come on, he's warming up to the idea.
Yes, obviously.
Why are you causing trouble in Canada, Doofenshmirtz? Well, you see, I'm part of a US–Canada evil scheme exchange program.
I come up with a scheme, and this other Canadian guy comes up with a scheme, and— And we switch! I do his scheme and he does mine.
You gonna eat those fries? Don't touch! Anyway, I've got a little math quiz for the both of you.
If a train carrying Precious Albert the Moose left British Columbia at eight o'clock in the morning going eighty miles per hour, what time would it arrive at the Canada Day celebration? Answer? Never! Because I've tied up the conductor and taken control of the train using my remote control Train-Operator-inator! Right now, we are all headed to my scheme exchange partner's secret fortress.
Hey, cut it out, those are mine! Ser— Seriously, I can get the waiter over here if you wanna order your own, but please? This evil exchange partner of yours, what's his name? I think his name was Sir Railing, or Doctor Stairway, or something.
Professor Bannister! Of course, my archnemesis.
Can I put some gravy on those? Seriously, leave my lunch alone.
Anyway, after Professor Bannister gets the moose, it's going to ruin Canada Day, or you know, whatever.
Crazy, right? You know what's really crazy? How good these fries are.
I am not kidding, leave those alone.
I-I just don't understand it, why would you take my lunch, when you're in the dining car, you can have your own lunch.
Oh, it makes me crazy when people pick at my food.
Seriously, why is your hand out like that? You— I'm seriously going to lose it.
I-I'm— Oh, now you're both doing it? Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Oh, no, not even taking them, but squish— I can't take it.
Wait— Get your own lunch! That man is causing such a scene in here, it makes me feel free to break up with you in a very loud manner! I can't stand being a waiter! Very clever.
You've completely dismantled my societal convention trap.
Let's get that inator! It's pronounced "inator"! You did that on purpose! All right, Doofenshmirtz, end of the line! Oh, train metaphors, so that's how it— I've got it! Ow! Oh! Mine! Oh, here, let me— I— I know how to use it.
Seriously, just give me— You know, I think I'm with Perry the Platypus on this, I don't like seeing him teamed up either.
I don't know, I think he's warming up to it.
Wait, P! That's the Canadian side of the train! Ow! You know, I think I"m going back to the Canadian side.
I've got this.
Oh, no, you don't, I'm on the American side now, you can't touch me.
Oh.
Canada.
Oh.
'Merica.
Ow! Oh, it's on now.
Ha, take that! This is for William Hull and the War of 1812! Look it up, kids! I've got him P, cuff him.
Hold it, hold it.
Ooh, sorry.
Where is he? Open up, big guy.
Occupied.
Oh.
Oh, sorry.
I didn't realize you had to, uh.
.
You know what they have in here, they— They have those tiny soaps.
They make my hands look so big, it's like I'm a giant.
All set! I can't believe it! He left the seat up! I'm up here, Perry the Platypus! You knew we'd end up up here eventually, right? P? Wait up! He's getting away! Perry! Hey! Help me up! Give me a hand! Oops, sorry.
My bad, eh? Hey, look! An old-timey handcar! I've got an idea.
Come on! P, what are you doing? This is a handcar, there's a trick to it! Look, if we're going to catch the train, we're going to have to work together.
We've gotta get in sync, develop a rhythm.
Watch, I'll show you.
(Song: Handcar) Yours goes up when mine goes down And then we do it the other way around Don't you give me that sigh, 'cause if we can't see eye to eye Then our missions will be always filled with strife 'Cause a handcar is a metaphor for life For life Don't push up, just push down.
I'll push down on my side.
That's it! That's right.
Here we go! Ah, I see a little platypus smile there! That's right! Now we're cookin' with gas! See, it's better when we work together! We're on a handcar (Handcar!) Yeah, we're gettin' in the groove We're on a handcar (Handcar!) It's the only way to move We're on a handcar (Handcar!) We're like a well-oiled machine We're on a handcar (Handcar!) Yeah, we're workin' like a team We're on a handcar (Handcar!) We're a real double-header It's a heavy-handed metaphor for how we work together! It's a handcar! (Handcar!) Yeah, we're on a handcar! (Handcar!) We're on a handcar (Handcar!) Yeah, we're on a handcar! Excuse me, conductor? You know, the train doesn't seem to be stopping at any of the scheduled stations.
Is that a fact? My apologies, straphanger.
Wait, which one was your stop? The next one.
Oh, don't be concerned, step right this way.
So, your wife's cooking dinner tonight? Oh, yes.
We're having asparagus tips.
Asparagus tips, very classy.
What's the entrée? Nova Scotia salmon.
Hmm-mm.
Delish! Well, here's your station! Say hi to your wife for me.
Well, someone's home early.
The conductor says hi.
Hey, fellow commuters, look! It's a lady! And a platypus.
On a handcar.
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! My cellphone alert says there's a new platypus video online that's trending.
Perry the Platypus! And Agent Lyla? On an old-timey— Oh! Ha! Bet you can't do that.
I learned that in the 80's.
I also learned how to back away slowly on a newly installed escape platform! So long, suckers! And now, to watch my evil plan play out from the observat— This— This is an observation deck? Chairs nailed to a roof? You're blocking my view of Saskatchewan, eh? Saskatchewan is that way, you dolt! Hold it right there, Doofenshmirtz! No, you hold it right there.
Because I still have this! The Train-Operator-inator! Without it, the train would be completely Oh, boy.
out of control.
Hey, where's Perry? All right, so I'm on a runaway train in a tunnel.
Afraid of the dark, I probably also afraid of runaway trains, never really given it much thought.
Doesn't come up that— Okay, let's focus.
There's got to be an emergency brake in the engine car.
Let's go! Oh, so, uh So, I-I guess I'll go with you then.
Wait up, Perry the Platypus, my shoe's untied.
Just hang on a second.
You can't be too careful when you're running across a moving train.
There we go.
Oh, wait, wait, on second thought, I-I'll double knot this puppy.
Okay, let's go! Oh, gross! Some joker left the seat up.
Would you guys mind bringing me some paper towels, or something? I— Is that a no? The emergency brake is toast.
I'm gonna have to jury-rig the controls.
Darn it! If we weren't in the middle of a runaway train crisis, I would totally be giving you a hard time about leaving me in the toilet bowl.
Now let me just get the red wire Bingo! Uh, not to burst your bubble, but I don't think we're slowing down.
We're not.
I just got the hazard lights working.
Safety first.
The brakes were too far gone to fix.
Now we just need to get all the passengers and Precious Albert the Moose into the same car, and we can save them.
You're right! The caboose! Let's go! This is why I'd rather not make friends.
They find someone else, and bam, you're alone.
Attention passengers, there is no need to panic, but— Pardon the interruption, Precious Albert, Sir, but your tea is ready.
Folks, everything is under control, eh? We're gonna separate the caboose from the rest of the train.
Oh, you already did it.
Nice going, partner.
I'm gonna take a pic of this and send it to COWCA.
We're saved! We did it! Wait, I-I swear that wasn't me.
Bannister! I should've known.
You think what I'm thinking? Aw, man, I never have a grappling hook when I need one.
And I totally looked at mine this morning when I was getting dressed.
Right there on the dresser.
I hate it when that happens.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't COWCA's best agent, the unfortunately named, Lyla Lolliberry.
Listen you, I come from a long alliterative line of Lolliberrys.
And now you're trapped, miles above solid ground, with nothing but a beaver at your side.
He's a platypus, not a beaver.
Hi-ya, Banny! Pardon me, official exchange buddy coming through.
Yo, bro.
Back so soon? My evil plan usually takes all day.
How'd you do it so fast? Well, I'll tell you.
It went a little something like this.
Well, I guess if you've got no one to monologue to Enough backstory.
Actually, that's not, uh That's not really a backstory, it's just expositional flashback.
It doesn't uh, have any childhood trauma.
It doesn't really form who he is.
It's not— It's just flashback, there's a difference.
It's subtle, but there's a difference.
Anyway, you're not the only productive one.
I've taken care of your moose problem.
Perfect! No Albert the Moose, no Canada Day.
And you call yourself a Canadian! Do I? You think that just because I'm polite, smell like pine needles, and overemphasize my T's, I'm Canadian? Well, you'd be wrong! Because I'm from Greenland! Cool flag.
Thanks.
Wait! No, it's not! And that's the problem! We have no national pride! I mean, listen to this.
Greenland's national anthem.
Seriously! Does that inspire you to do anything other than ice-fish? But, Canada? Oh, they've got it all.
The maple syrup, the national parks, the medal winning curling team.
And the moose.
The moose! The symbol of Canada's national pride! Precious Albert the Moose! And what if he were to disappear? Everyone would lapse into a deep malaise.
Forgetting what it means to be Canadian.
I will then annex Canada to Greenland! Bring back Precious Albert, and reinvigorate the national pride! And I've written a new national anthem.
Oh, Greenland (Song: Greenland National Anthem) Home of things that aren't so green Though we call it Greenland Shiny Greenland People are very short there In Greenland You're from Greenland? Do you know the punishment for misrepresenting you country of origin to the L.
O.
V.
E.
M.
U.
F.
F.
I.
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Organization? Plus, your scheme is unnecessarily complicated and doesn't even seem like it would work! And that's coming from me! It's the perfect plan! Yes, it will.
See, he agrees.
Will you stop it? Who is he talking to? Oh, how rude of me.
Allow me to introduce Me-Positive and Me-Negative! They're two magnetic robots I created for the purpose of vanquishing my enemies! Magnetic robots? Yes, because it's all about polarity! You can't have two positives or two negatives.
Oh, you can have two negatives, just— Just look at my family.
Wait a second.
Those robot parts look familiar.
Oh, right.
I got them from some friends of mine.
I think you may have met in Seattle? Wow, those guys have been playing cards really quietly.
I remember them.
But I knew they would lead me to you, Bannister.
That's why I let them escape.
Never mind them.
Me-Positive and Me-Negative can take care of you.
Oh, I get it, we're gonna have an old-fashioned helicopter fight.
Oh, a helicopter fight? These can get really nasty.
I'm— I'm just gonna go play cards.
(Song Helicopter Fight) If you're looking for action, better hold on tight (Helicopter fight, helicopter fight) L-L-L-looks like we got ourselves a helicopter fight (Helicopter fight, helicopter fight) To remove any confusion from ambiguous writing (Helicopter fight, helicopter fight) This is people fighting on a helicopter, not two helicopters fighting (Oh!) Though that would have been cool (Oh, yeah?) It might have been more exciting (Oh, you think?) Let's take a look! No, that looked better in my head Let's just get back to the action That was really pretty lame I apologize for the distraction This is a helicopter fight! (People fighting on a helicopter) This is a helicopter fight! I win! (People fighting on a helicopter) This is a helicopter fight! (It's not two helicopters fighting, oh, no) (We saw it, but it was only so-so) This is people fighting on a helicopter! What? I have just one thing to say to you, Lyla Loliberry.
Farväl! What does farväl mean? It's Swedish for goodbye.
It's one of the languages we speak in Greenland! Jinx you, Lyla Lolliberry! Jinx you! Way to text in the cavalry.
Okay, let's get this bird off to Canada Day.
We have a guest of honor to deliver.
Go Canada! Go, eh? Way to go, Constitution Act of 1864! Right on! Woo! So, now you see why I had to let those guys go, right, P? Well, how was he supposed to know you had a tracker on their truck? He understands how these things are.
One minute you're catching a thief, the next you get intel they might be leading you somewhere bigger and better.
Oh, and by "bigger and better", you obviously mean me, right? Right? Yeah, right.
Uh, anyway You've got some serious skills there, P.
Oh, stop, you're making me blush.
Good work to the both of you.
I can see that things went well with our neighbors to the North.
Well, now that our mission is done Our mission? maybe we could drop by Niagara Falls.
It's so close by, and I've always wanted to see it.
Well, I suppose we could swing by on our way back.
I wonder how my scheme worked out for Professor Bannister.
I'm sure that Cloud Magnitizer-inator was a winner.
Mom, Mom, Mom! Hey, Perry.
Mom, Mom, Mom! How was it that a cloud was able to carry off our metal superstructure? But, but, but Someone's got a bathroom to clean.
Everyone else, there's pie.
Oh, there you are, Perry.
Ah, a platypus's life is a life of leisure.
Yes.
Yes, it is.
We'd like to apologize on behalf of the show for poking a little fun at Greenland.
The Greenland flag is actually verifiably cool.
It was designed by Thue Christiansen as part of a flag-designing contest in the 80's Is this actually true, Carl? According to the internet, sir.
Well, what do you know? Also we understand that the people of Greenland do have enormous national pride, and are not necessarily short.
This was all purely in the interest of comedy and not meant to be taken seriously.
Go Greenland!